


Interlude: Eighth Year

by alexandra_emerson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Romance, Arithmancy (Harry Potter), Curse Breaker Draco Malfoy, Elder Wand (Harry Potter), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Head Girl Dorm, Head Girl Hermione Granger, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Minor Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, No Smut, Partners in Class, Portrait Albus Dumbledore - Freeform, Portrait Severus Snape - Freeform, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Quidditch Player Draco Malfoy, Quidditch Player Ginny Weasley, Repressed Memories, Slow Burn, Slytherins Being Slytherins, dramione - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 210,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24893971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandra_emerson/pseuds/alexandra_emerson
Summary: Hermione is back at Hogwarts for her final year and she's feeling lonely and lost and finds comfort with the most unlikely person, Draco Malfoy. He's returned to school for mysterious reasons and his plot involves Hermione, which is why he specifically requested her as his Arithmancy partner. Draco is determined to get what he needs before she discovers his plot or before he loses his nerve (again).
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 233
Kudos: 339





	1. The Hogwarts Express

**Author's Note:**

> Notes on M Rating / Trigger Warnings: This story is rated M for dark themes including violence, death, torture, and reference to sexual assault. There's no smut (mainly because I'm way too awkward to write it).
> 
> Logistics: The story picks up right where the seventh book left off (before the Epilogue). All characters are written as close to the version JK created as possible. Also this sticks mostly to book canon but not the movies, since I didn't like them very much. Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think, I love reading them.

**Chapter 1 – The Hogwarts Express**

Hermione glanced around King's Cross station to ensure no one was looking before pushing her cart through the barrier between platforms nine and ten. She walked onto platform 9 ¾ and took in the scene before her.

There was a palpable sense of magic in the air and the colors and sounds around her seemed immediately more vibrant, as if someone had cast a supersensory charm on her in the few seconds it took to travel through the barrier.

Hermione let out a contented sigh and smiled to herself – she hadn't realized until now how much she missed the magical world and was glad to be back.

After the Battle of Hogwarts last May she traveled to Australia to find her parents as soon as the initial celebrations and funerals following the war's end were over. Her parents were easy enough to find, but once she undid the memory charms she'd placed on them she was surprised to find them irritable and overprotective.

Before the war they were very supportive of her magical lifestyle and proud to have a daughter with unique abilities. But after learning of the events that transpired during their false lives abroad, they were understandably uneager to let their only child venture back into a world where she had been tortured and nearly killed.

To appease her parents, Hermione agreed to spend the summer in Australia before returning to the Wizarding world. After having their memories altered by their daughter, Hermione's parents were justifiably wary of her using magic around them, so she also consented to lock away her wand for the summer, although she was slightly miffed at not being able to practice spells which would undoubtedly be on the N.E.W.T. exams next term.

The highlight of Hermione's quiet summer was receiving the letter from Headmistress McGonagall announcing Hogwarts would be re-opening on schedule next term and that she was welcome to return to complete her last year.

All students in her year who fought in the final battle were given an option to skip their last year and move on with their careers, which was the option Harry and Ron had chosen, but she was eager to return to finish her N.E.W.T.s and serve as Head Girl – which was a dream of hers since she'd learned about the position in her first year.

She smiled to herself as she thought of the Head Girl badge currently tucked away in her trunk. Last year she was disappointed at missing out on the honor of serving as Head Girl – which she had been a shoo-in for since her third year. Wisely she never brought up these thoughts with Harry and Ron, who would have teased her mercilessly for worrying about something as trivial as being Head Girl in the middle of a war.

She felt a slight ache in her chest at the thought of Harry and Ron. They visited her once in Australia and she noticed instantly that her two best friends were in pain. Harry was dwelling on the deaths of over fifty innocent people who sacrificed themselves to buy him time during the Battle of Hogwarts, which he wrongly blamed himself for.

And Ron, who would normally be able to cheer Harry up, was having a hard time dealing with Fred's death. He brooded constantly and was a shadow of the joking, lively boy he once was. Hermione hoped her friends were doing better now than during that melancholy visit a few weeks ago and she vowed to visit them as soon as she got a free weekend.

"Hermione!" The familiar voice of Seamus Finnegan cut through her thoughts and brought her attention back to the animated scene in front of her. She spotted Seamus, Dean, and Luna on the other end of the platform and made her way toward them.

"Hey guys, it's so great to see you!" she exclaimed as Luna enveloped her in a huge hug.

"We missed you this summer. Ron and Harry have been a mess without you," Luna stated bluntly while Seamus and Dean each gave her a quick hug.

Hermione frowned slightly before responding, "I know, but after my parents found out what happened last year, they pretty much locked me away all summer, and I couldn't just say no after what I did to them."

"I understand," Dean reassured her. "My mum was angry when I told her I was on the run all of last year when I was supposed to be safe at school, and she was wary about me coming back. Thankfully I was able to convince her in the end, because it's good to be back."

He flashed her a knowing smile which she returned immediately. She knew just how Dean felt. Life in the muggle world may have been safer, but it just wasn't the same. Hermione watched Dean stiffen as he spotted something behind her. "What is _he_ doing here?" he spat.

They all turned to look where Dean was glaring, and Seamus cursed silently as Hermione spied a familiar shock of white-blond hair. Her good mood vanished at the sight of her childhood bully.

She hoped she'd finally be able to go a year without the jeering and taunts that had been her constant, unwelcome companions since she started school. But she knew Draco Malfoy was the one person who was arrogant and stubborn enough to ignore the outcome of the war and continue to treat her as mercilessly as he would have if his side had won.

"Why is he back?" Hermione muttered angrily to no one in particular.

"Yeah. What would he need with N.E.W.T.s? Think he'll be applying for jobs at the end of term?" Dean questioned sarcastically, clearly taking Malfoy's return to school as a personal affront.

"Oh, he doesn't need a job, his family is very wealthy." Hermione almost smiled at Luna's innocent response, but she was too busy dreading interactions with Malfoy this year.

"I read his dad was sentenced to Azkaban, but he and his mom got off," Seamus mentioned dryly, "After what he pulled with Dumbledore; ridiculous."

"What?" Dean stammered, "How'd those two get off so easy?"

"Well I suspect Harry had something to do with it." The boys frowned in confusion at Hermione's response.

"I know he spoke up to the Wizengamot during the Malfoy trials," she continued, not surprised by their negative reaction to Harry's intervention. "I mean, Narcissa saved him in the forest and he wouldn't have been able to defeat Voldemort without her help, but I don't know what nice things he would have said about Draco…" She trailed off and hoped the boys couldn't tell that she was lying.

Over the summer Harry explained to her how he had intervened on the Malfoys' behalf. He owed his life to Narcissa, and Draco, while they would never be good friends, had never truly been an evil Death Eater and was likely acting out of fear.

Harry explained to Hermione that he would not have felt right if he let Draco suffer in Azkaban like his father, who both Harry and Hermione agreed was truly evil and deserved to suffer for his crimes. Harry had never forgotten how Draco had been about to lower his wand against Dumbledore the night he died, and after seeing visions of Draco being forced to torture others, obviously unwilling, through his link with Voldemort, he reasoned that his childhood rival had probably suffered enough in the war.

Hermione knew mentioning Harry's thoughts to the group was unwise, as even Ron didn't understand Harry's motivations and still criticized him for saving Malfoy's life in the Room of Requirement.

Hermione hadn't finalized her own thoughts on the Malfoy heir. She could see where Harry was coming from and agreed that Malfoy hadn't been an enthusiastic Death Eater. He was there when she was being tortured in his home and it was obvious by his pained expression that he was not reveling in his aunt's actions.

He'd even refrained from identifying them when they initially arrived at the Manor, even though she knew he immediately recognized her. But regardless of her ambivalent feelings towards the wizard, she was not happy to see him here. Dean's next comment brought her out of her thoughts.

"Whatever that git is doing here, he better stay out of my way. I am _not_ putting up with his shit this year." The hatred in his tone surprised her a little, but he _had_ spent a lot of time locked in the dungeon under his house.

She thought he was probably being a little unfair in blaming that experience entirely on the younger Malfoy and tried to change the subject.

"Let's go ahead and board so we can get a compartment to ourselves." Hermione urged her friends onto the train, eager to change the subject. She looked back at Malfoy and found him glaring at her and she wondered briefly if he knew they were discussing him.

She returned his sneer with one of her own before turning around to board the train behind her friends, keen to leave the former Death Eater and her thoughts about him behind.

* * *

Draco smiled inwardly as Granger turned away from him and rushed to board the train. He may be alone and trapped in a sea of guilt, depression, and self-loathing, but at least he could still rile up a team of Gryffindors with a well-placed sneer.

He was a little surprised to see Granger among the group of students in his year who had returned to Hogwarts, since he assumed as a war hero, she would be able to get any job she wanted without having to come back to school.

But he reasoned Granger wouldn't know what to do with herself without a test to study for or an assignment to obsess over. He hoped the fact that she wasn't flanked by her usual bodyguards meant that Potter and his Weasel wouldn't be returning.

This year was going to be difficult enough without the added stress of dealing with those two wankers, who were likely more insufferable than ever now that the entire Wizarding world worshiped them. He scowled as he thought of Potter.

Unfortunately, he owed his freedom to the annoying boy-who-lived-twice, who testified on his and his mother's behalf during their Wizengamot trials. Draco knew he was lucky to have avoided Azkaban and was aware that he was the only person with the Dark Mark to do so.

His father was not so lucky and would have to stay in that awful place for the next thirty years. Even Goyle had ended up with a five-year sentence.

 _It's better than Crabbe's fate._ Draco pushed the dark thought from his mind.

A plain-looking middle-aged wizard clipped Draco's shoulder and muttered what sounded like "murderer" under his breath as he ushered his son toward the train. Draco had been dealing with this kind of shit all day, which was why he rarely ventured out of the Manor since the war ended.

If he didn't need information he'd only be able to find at Hogwarts, he would not have returned. The Malfoy name suffered greatly after the war, especially once it became common knowledge that Voldemort had been using the Manor as Death Eater headquarters and random strangers took it upon themselves to display their displeasure any chance they got.

Draco had a lot of work to do to rebuild the damage his father had done, but he had more important things to take care of at Hogwarts first, which was the reason he was putting up with this abuse in the first place.

Draco realized he was absently rubbing his left forearm and stopped, he didn't want to draw attention to his Mark, as that clearly wouldn't be doing his reputation any favors. He drew in a deep breath and refocused on the lively students before him as he straightened his posture and steeled himself for what was bound to be an aggravating year.

He walked onto the train and glanced quickly into each compartment, hoping to find one empty so he could pass the ride to Scotland alone. In his earlier years at Hogwarts Draco was fairly popular and loved the attention he received from other students desperate to get close to the heir of one of the most prestigious Wizarding families in Britain.

But ever since sixth year after he took the Dark Mark and started working on his mission to kill Dumbledore, he avoided the spotlight and began to resent those who envied his status without comprehending the terrible burden that came with it. He decided that if he could go the whole school year without having to talk to another person, he would count it as a massive success, and he made a silent pledge to attempt it.

Draco started slightly when he spotted his fellow housemates Blaise and Daphne in a compartment near the middle of the train. There was a younger, dark-haired witch with them who Draco thought was familiar, but couldn't place.

 _This is going to make not talking to anyone a little more difficult,_ he thought bitterly to himself.

He was surprised to see other Slytherins from his year here as he assumed most of the older Slytherin students would have transferred to other schools. That's what he was planning on doing before the Ministry made it clear that he was not allowed to leave the country.

Daphne looked up and locked eyes with him and he turned away quickly and continued searching for an empty compartment. After walking the length of the train and finding every compartment full, he cursed himself for not boarding the train earlier as he made his way back to his housemates. He wasn't in the mood to see anyone familiar, but he knew he didn't have any other options.

The younger witch and Blaise eyed him warily as he walked into the compartment, while Daphne shot him a mocking smile. "I saw you pass us by earlier Draco, did you finally decide that we were worthy enough to sit with you? Or did you realize that no one else on this train can stand your presence?" she quipped.

Draco ignored her and took a seat near the door, still determined to pass the ride without talking to anyone.

"That implies we _can_ stand his presence, which I assure you, Malfoy, is not the case," Blaise muttered coolly.

Daphne was enjoying herself. "Oh, come on, Blaise, you and Draco are the only Slytherin blokes from our year. I'm sure that'll make you best mates."

Draco gave her a look that said he thought that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. He had never gotten along with Blaise, who was always too interested in himself to worship Draco, and the thought of having to spend any period of time alone with him made him want to go back home and abandon his plan.

Blaise took Draco's silence as a personal attack. "Too good to talk to us, Malfoy? Get over yourself," Blaise responded sharply. "You're nothing but a pathetic, ex-Death Eater now. And not even the Malfoy fortunes will be enough to convince people to tolerate you and your over-inflated ego this year."

Draco grabbed his wand and before he could process what had happened, he was blasted back and the dark-haired witch who he now recognized as Daphne's younger sister was holding both his and Blaise's wands.

She was angry and said, "Give it a rest, you two. We've all become social pariahs because of that bloody war," at this she glared at Draco, as if she held him personally accountable for causing the entire war on his own, "and we should try to stick together this year since no one else is going to give us the time of day."

Blaise glared back, embarrassed at having his wand taken by this witch. Draco reasoned he wasn't going to get far without talking to anyone, and silently amended his pact. "What's your name again?"

"Prat," she shoved past him with the wands still in her hand, and he was about to go after her but decided against it. If this was the treatment he was getting from former allies, it was best not to venture out of the compartment.

Daphne was laughing silently, and Blaise was staring at him, clearly blaming Draco for losing both of their wands.

"What's her deal?" Draco asked.

"She hates you," Daphne said simply.

"What did I do to her?"

"You became a Death Eater." He was still confused so she continued. "You've met _Astoria_ countless times. She used to like you, said you were smart, funny, and fit. But then she took it as a personal insult that you ended up being a murdering follower of the Dark Lord."

"I-" he was about to defend himself then realized it was pointless. "That's none of her business," he glared at the other two Slytherins, "or yours."

Daphne just smiled and went back to reading her fashion magazine. Draco sat down and huffed.

"What were you going to hex me with?" Blaise asked jokingly, clearly finding the whole Astoria situation funny now.

" _Avada Kedavra_ of course." Blaise looked affronted, then smiled when he saw Draco was joking. "I'm a fit murder, remember?" Draco added bitterly.

Blaise laughed heartily but Draco was still annoyed by Astoria's hatred toward him.

Eventually Blaise stopped chuckling and glared at him, then stated, "It's not going to be like previous years, where we all follow you around and do what you say."

Draco humphed and shot Blaise the most hostile look he could muster but nodded. He hadn't survived the war for nothing – he had a remarkable instinct for self-preservation. And as much as he wanted to attack Blaise the Muggle way and beat that grin off his face, he reasoned that Blaise and he would be sharing a dorm together all year, which would give the snake numerous opportunities to get back at Draco.

"This is really cute," Daphne cut in, "are we going to have a group hug now?"

Blaise laughed again and Draco scowled. This was going to be an awful year.

* * *

_Snap!_

Hermione jumped in her seat and closed her book, finally giving up on her attempt to re-read the first chapter of her Arithmancy text. Seamus and Dean were playing a game of exploding snap at the other end of the compartment while she, Ginny, and Luna were reading in silence.

Even with the periodic sound of cards exploding from the boys' game, Hermione noted that her friends were subdued. She figured that like her, they were all remembering the war and the people they lost and probably felt guilty laughing and joking around so soon after their friends' deaths.

She often felt as if her fallen friends had all come back as ghosts and were following her, daring her to forget them. She shook her head and hastily started a conversation with Ginny and Luna to distract from her dark thoughts. "So, Ginny, are you excited about Quidditch this year?"

Ginny put down her Quidditch magazine and stared blankly at her. "Since when do you want to talk about Quidditch, Hermione?"

Hermione blushed at being so quickly found out. It had been over a year since she spent time with Ginny, who was one of her closest friends when they were both at school, and she had forgotten how intuitive the red head could be.

"I don't, I just couldn't read and wanted to talk about something, and I saw your magazine," she explained guiltily. Luna put down her copy of The Quibbler and smiled at Hermione.

"You didn't have to make up a reason to talk to us," Luna said in her dreamy voice, "we're friends Hermione – we can talk whenever you want."

"Yeah, thanks," Hermione replied, "I was just thinking it was too quiet in here."

The three girls sat silently for a few moments, unsure of what to say. Ginny started to roll and unroll the Quidditch magazine in her lap, and Hermione took the opportunity to study her friend's appearance.

She had lost a little weight and had slight bags under her eyes that were hidden by makeup, but for the most part she was as lovely as ever. Hermione was worried about Ginny's reaction to Fred's death after seeing how hard Ron was taking it; especially since Ginny had always been closer to the twins than Ron.

She wanted to ask her friend how she was feeling but didn't know where to start. Ginny finally responded to Hermione's earlier question before she was able to decide what to say.

"Well I am a little excited about Quidditch this year," Ginny smiled slyly, "as I was made Quidditch captain. Most of our team members aren't returning this year, but I think the other houses will have the same problem, so it's almost like starting anew. Also, I'll finally get to use the famous prefect bathroom I've heard so much about."

Hermione was relieved for the change in conversation and gave Ginny a small smile of appreciation. "Yes, that bathroom is pretty great. And we don't have to worry about Moaning Myrtle peeping at us like the guys do. Harry and Ron never really liked using the bathroom in sixth year because of her," Hermione joked.

Ginny responded with a small laugh before asking, "Oh, that reminds me. Are you going to be Head Girl this year? I didn't see you wearing your badge."

"Oh, yes," Hermione beamed. "I've wanted to be Head Girl for years and was so upset when I thought I missed my chance last year. I have a lot of great ideas I'd love to work on with the prefects, and I'm also ecstatic about having my own room. It would have been too weird sharing a room without," she paused, "well you know, Pavarti and… and Lavender."

Hermione dropped her gaze as she said Lavender's name. She had never been very close with her former dorm mate, but Lavender's death still weighed on her and served as a reminder of the innocent people who died needlessly a few months before.

Ginny, noticing Hermione's shift in mood, quickly changed the subject, "Well I'm excited that we're going to be in the same year. We'll have a lot of classes together, and I can finally get some of that homework help the boys kept going on about…" she gave Hermione an inquisitive smile and she responded with a noncommittal grunt.

"And since we're all of age now," Luna added, "we can leave the castle on the weekends."

Hermione smiled at Luna, "What are you going to do with your free weekends, Luna?"

"Oh, my father and I are going to continue our search for the crumple-horned snorkack. We followed up on a few leads this summer and think the next place to check is southern Germany."

Ginny and Hermione exchanged knowing glances, and Hermione couldn't help but to ask, "Luna, don't you think that if the crumple-horned snorkack _really_ existed it would have been discovered by now?" Hermione hoped her logical argument would appeal to the quirky Ravenclaw.

"What I think, Hermione," Luna responded coolly, "is that assuming that everything in existence has already been discovered is a very negative and narrow-minded way to look at the world."

She picked up her Quibbler and started reading again. Hermione was surprised by the sudden change in Luna's mood, but decided to let it go and keep her arguments to herself for now. Ginny picked up her Quidditch magazine and began to read again, sensing that the girls' conversation was now over.

"Well anyway," Hermione stood up and straightened her skirt, "I should probably head to the front. I have a meeting with the prefects. I'll be back in about an hour."

Ginny and Luna nodded absently behind their magazines, while Dean stood up to join Hermione by the door, "Well I guess I should come with you, Hermione, since McGonagall made me prefect to replace Ron."

"Oh, that's great, Dean," Hermione gave him a small smile, "I was worried I was going to be alone since Ron didn't come back but working with you is going to be fun!"

Hermione shared her ideas with Dean, and he listened politely as they walked to the prefect compartment at the front of the train.

"…and I'm not sure about the state of the Room of Requirement after the Battle, but we should be able to find somewhere to practice dueling. It will be weird without Harry teaching us, but I still think it's important to give students a chance to practice magical dueling and combat if they want to…"

She stopped talking as they entered the prefect compartment. Hermione noted that Anthony Goldstein, who was huddled with a group of Ravenclaw prefects at the middle of the compartment, was wearing the Head Boy badge.

Blaise Zabini and a dark-haired Slytherin whose name she didn't know were standing near the door, removed from the rest of the group and looking uneasy. The dark-haired girl was holding three wands, which seemed strange to Hermione, but she didn't want to approach them and question her.

She was relieved to see Zabini had replaced Malfoy as the Slytherin male prefect from her year since she had not been looking forward to working with the blonde. Zabini noticed her looking at him and responded to her unspoken comment, "I've taken over for Malfoy since he'll be busy with a full class load this year."

Hermione thought that Malfoy losing his prefect status probably had more to do with him being a former Death Eater, but didn't say so. Instead, she warned, "Well don't abuse the position like Malfoy did or I'll have to revoke your status."

Zabini glared back and her, then muttered to the witch next to him as they walked to two empty seats at the back of the compartment. Dean left to join Justin Finch-Fletchly and Hannah Abbott as Hermione called the meeting to order.

* * *

Hermione let out a contented sigh as the meeting ended and the prefects filed out of the compartment. She thought the meeting had gone well. Her peers liked most of her ideas and Anthony seemed like he was going to be a good Head Boy. They agreed as a group that Anthony should take responsibility for Ravenclaw and Slytherin houses (since the Slytherin students would likely ignore a Muggle-born Gryffindor), and Hermione would deal with issues in Hufflepuff and her own house.

This was a huge relief to Hermione, and she was grateful to Anthony for taking on such a challenge.

"Hermione," Dean interrupted her thoughts, "are you ready to head back?"

She looked around and noticed that they were the only two left in the compartment. Suddenly the thought of leaving this quiet, peaceful part of the train made her anxious. "You go on ahead, I want to sit in here alone for a while."

"Ok," Dean responded slowly while he made to leave the compartment, "are you alright though? I think the meeting went great," he added kindly.

"No, I'm fine, really. It's just that I spent the summer all alone and it's weird being around so many people again. I need a little break. I'll catch up with you in a few minutes."

Hermione took a seat at the back of the compartment as Dean slid the door closed behind him. She thought back over the meeting again as she watched the Scottish landscape flit by.

 _It was really weird not having Ron there_ , the thought brought a pain to her chest. She and Ron shared a passionate kiss during the Final Battle, which she had hoped would mean they could finally start dating. But then she moved to Australia where she had limited contact with him.

She had planned to discuss their relationship when he and Harry visited her a month ago, but Ron was silent and brooding and didn't seem very interested in her, so she didn't push it.

Hermione sighed deeply. She had reserved a space in her heart for Ron years ago and the longer she loved him without knowing whether he returned her feelings an ache in that part of her heart grew stronger.

It was like that part of her heart was poisoned and Ron was holding the antidote. Either Ron would return her feelings and the antidote would taste sweet and heal her pain immediately, or he would deny her feelings and administer a bitter-tasting antidote that would heal slowly.

But regardless of his feelings, she knew she could no longer deal with not knowing, as eventually the poison would spread and damage her heart permanently. She vowed to corner him and force him to address the issue the next time she saw him.

* * *

Draco and Daphne hadn't spoken a word to each other since Blaise left for his prefect meeting an hour ago. Draco was initially annoyed when he found out that Blaise had replaced him as prefect, but then he conceded the task he came to Hogwarts to complete would be easier without having to take care of prefect duties.

And his goal of speaking to as few people as possible would be more achievable as well. He decided he'd probably have to speak to Blaise and Daphne this year to maintain some level of protection since they were in a similar situation of being hated by the entire school.

And he knew he wouldn't be able to avoid speaking to professors if they asked him a direct question, so he wouldn't include them in the count either. He set his new goal to five people – he was up to two now.

He knew his younger self would be appalled by this resolution, since he used to be relatively outgoing, but now the thought of interacting with other students was horrible. No one understood what he went through in the war and they just wanted to blame him for all the shit that had happened to them. _Wankers_ , Draco thought to himself.

Daphne readjusted in her seat and the movement caught Draco's attention. He looked up and began to study her as she read Witch Weekly. Draco decided Daphne was pretty as he silently watched the tall, slender witch.

She had long, golden blonde hair, pale green eyes, a small nose, and thin pink lips. Her features weren't as striking as her sister Astoria's, but she had an air of grace her sister lacked. Draco had never paid attention to Daphne in the past (probably because Pansy would have killed him) but even now he was single he knew he wasn't interested in the pretty witch.

She was cold and unfeeling and too similar to his mother. Draco loved his mother dearly, mainly because she was the only person in the world who cared about him, but he definitely didn't want to date anyone who reminded him of her.

He knew one of the main reasons he tolerated Pansy was because the affection she showered on him was so different from what he had experienced as a child. Unfortunately, Pansy went overboard, and Draco was forced to break it off with her to avoid suffocating.

He laughed at the turn his thoughts had taken. It was ridiculous to be thinking of dating, since no girl would get within five feet of him this year. No older Slytherins besides Daphne had returned, and he was sure the Ravenclaw purebloods would be turned off of him just as Daphne's sister was.

As for the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, well, he'd never be _that_ desperate. He frowned and stood up, suddenly eager to stretch his legs.

Daphne looked up at him questioningly, "Do you have a pressing engagement?"

"No, I'm just going to get my wand back from your bint sister," Draco shot back.

"Good luck with that, she's quicker than she looks. And I think you're underestimating just how much she hates you. I had to hear about it all summer," Daphne responded with a small smirk on her face.

"Frigid bitch," Draco muttered to himself as he left the compartment and made his way to the prefect compartment. As he walked through the train, he kept a blank expression on his face and pretended to ignore the taunts from other students.

 _Bloody cowards_ , he thought to himself, _they wouldn't dare treat me like this if I wasn't alone._

He finally lost his temper when a younger boy called him a murderer and turned to face him and was pleased when the boy backed up a few inches under his cold stare.

"Get away from me, Death Eater!" the kid yelled in a shaky voice. Draco continued to stare at him. "You may have tortured people for fun before, but you can't hurt anyone now. You'll be thrown in Azkaban!"

Draco stared severely into the boy's eyes, no longer amused by the fear he saw there. What did the boy think he was going to do, kill him right here with his bare hands?

His mind dragged him back to the first time he had seen a look of fear like this directed at him – he struggled to keep his mind in the present but couldn't. He hated to admit this stupid boy was right; he _had_ tortured others, but he had been forced to do so and it certainly hadn't been _fun_. His vision blurred as he remembered the night he had first been forced to torture Rowle.

" _Cru-crucio," Draco stuttered, pointing his wand towards the broken man on the ground in front of him._

" _Draco," the Dark Lord hissed beside him, "you have to use more feeling. Curse him like you mean it boy, or else I can demonstrate for you how the curse is supposed to work. I'm sure you remember the last time you experienced that delightful sensation."_

" _No-no, my Lord, that won't be necessary, I can do it." Draco looked back at the man before him and steadied his wand, "Crucio!"_

" _AHHHHHH!" The man before him screamed and writhed uncontrollably on the ground. "Please my Lord, we'll get him next time, I promise!"_

" _Again, Draco," the Dark Lord responded coldly._

" _Crucio!" Draco struggled to hold back tears at the sight of the convulsing man in front of him and reminded himself this was the Dark Lord's doing, not his own._

" _Again, Draco."_

" _Crucio!"_

_Rowle shrieked louder than Draco thought possible and tried to appeal to his torturer, "Please, young Malfoy, help…me." He stared at Draco with a desperate look in his eyes. Draco felt a rush of bile enter his mouth and rushed to swallow it._

" _Again, Draco," his master commanded beside him._

" _Crucio!"_

Draco grasped at the scene in front of him to escape the flashback. Draco saw the boy who had taunted him staring at him strangely as he refocused his thoughts to the present.

He turned quickly and rushed to the front of the train, suppressing the urge to vomit. He had to get away from these tossers and re-group – he didn't want them to see him break down.

He reached the prefect compartment and rushed inside, slamming the door behind him. He was relieved to find the large compartment empty and started to pace the length of the room, rubbing his temples with his fingers to calm his thoughts as the image of Rowle screaming tried to regain purchase at the center of his mind.

He started as he reached the last row and spotted Hermione Granger sitting in the seat nearest the window, staring at him in disbelief.

Startled and annoyed at being caught in such a vulnerable position, Draco immediately reined in his emotions and put an indifferent look on his face. He sat down leisurely in the nearest seat and linked his hands together to keep them from shaking.

"I thought it was empty in here," he explained unnecessarily, kicking himself as he realized the total number of students he had spoken with was now up to three. _Why did I have to talk to fucking Granger?_ he scolded himself silently.

Granger finally seemed to find her voice and responded harshly, "What do you think you're doing?"

"I told you, Granger, I thought it was empty. I just need to sit in here for a second before being forced to face all of those tossers out there," he motioned towards the compartment door.

"Well do you have to sit right next to me?" Granger responded angrily. "Go sit in one of the other rows."

"Granger, I know being alone with men is uncomfortable for you," he smirked when he saw her blush, "but like I said I'm going to sit in here for a few minutes to get away from the insufferable morons outside and I'd prefer to do it in silence, so please stop with your incessant questions – this isn't a lecture."

Granger exhaled angrily, but to his relief she didn't respond and turned away from him to look out of the window. Draco relaxed slightly once he realized she wasn't going to kick him out – which is something she easily could have done since only prefects were allowed in this compartment, and they both knew he would have kicked her out if their roles were reversed.

For once he was grateful for that damned Gryffindor do-gooder attitude, he chuckled inwardly. He had forgotten how fun it could be to mess with Granger. It was familiar and it got his mind off of the other stuff… He reasoned that having Granger as one of the five people he talked to this year might not be such a bad idea

He looked at Granger as slyly as possible and took in her appearance. She had gained weight since he last saw her at the Final Battle. He decided after studying her for a few minutes that it was a good thing, she was a little gaunt when he last saw her.

Other than that, she looked exactly the same. The same big brown eyes and unruly hair that were undeniably Granger. Draco figured she wasn't the type of the girl to drastically change her appearance, like the Slytherin witches who were always trying out new hair styles or make-up charms.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, then focused on clearing his mind. He'd been surprised to find Occlumency useful even after the war ended as a way of keeping the flashbacks from his worst moments in the war from consuming his mind. He used it now to push the memory of Rowle as far back as he could.

* * *

Hermione spared a nervous glance in Malfoy's direction and was relieved to find him sleeping. He looked so innocent with his face relaxed and devoid of the scowl she was used to seeing there she almost didn't recognize him. She wondered briefly what had possessed her to let him stay in here.

She could have easily kicked him out since they both knew only prefects were allowed in this compartment. She decided it was because he had looked so tormented when he first walked in, almost as if he had been running from something terrifying.

She couldn't find it in her heart to turn him out when he looked so vulnerable. Although he had been quick to don the mask of indifference he usually wore once he noticed her. She wondered what was troubling him, but immediately dismissed the thought.

She didn't want to get caught up in Malfoy's drama. _As if he'd let me_ , she thought to herself, chuckling as she imagined her and Malfoy sitting together and discussing their feelings over tea.

Hermione jumped at the sound of the door being slammed open at the other end of the room. She noticed Malfoy start at the sound (so maybe he hadn't been sleeping) and she heard Ginny's voice reprimand, "Hey, there's no need to slam it like that, Seamus."

"Sorry, Ginny, it got away from me. Well, do you see Hermione?"

"Over here guys," Hermione stood up and tried to hide Malfoy behind her, which was futile since he had stood up and was almost a foot taller than her.

"Oh, hey, Hermione, we came to find you." Seamus started to walk towards her. His expression darkened as he recognized who was standing behind her. "What are you doing here with _him_? It's not safe, Hermione."

Malfoy moved from behind Hermione and was now glaring down at Seamus, but to her surprise he didn't say anything to him. Her friend took this as a cue to continue his taunting.

"You shouldn't be here, Malfoy, you should be in Azkaban," Seamus spat. "If it wasn't for you Dumbledore wouldn't be dead and this whole war would have never happened!"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Seamus," Hermione cut in, a little unnerved by Malfoy's uncharacteristic silence.

"Malfoy may be a vile git, but he doesn't deserve credit for starting the war. Voldemort came back in our fourth year, even though you and your mum were reluctant to admit it, and we all know now that Dumbledore was dying before Malfoy tried to kill him."

Ginny, who had been watching the exchange from behind Seamus, stepped up to confront Hermione. "Why are you defending him, Hermione?"

She looked warily from Malfoy to her friend and added, "What were you guys doing in here?"

Malfoy recoiled as if he had been stung by Ginny's insinuation and finally broke his silence to snap at Hermione, "I don't need a Mu- _you_ to defend me."

Hermione noticed he switched from saying 'Mudblood,' but he seemed unperturbed and continued on. "Just because we sat in a compartment together for a few minutes doesn't mean we're friends."

His face contorted as if the thought of being friends with her repulsed him. He pushed past Seamus and Ginny and headed for the door.

Hermione was enraged to find him as evil as ever. She had hoped the outcome of the war and Harry's generosity towards his family would have softened the Slytherin a bit and was embarrassed for how naïve she had been.

She followed behind him and yelled, "I don't want to be your friend either, Malfoy! Frankly, I can't stand you! And I don't care if Seamus insults you, I just wanted to make sure it was for the right reason – like for being a depraved, cruel, insufferable git!"

Malfoy turned to face her, and she stopped abruptly, catching herself before she ran into him. "You're pathetic as always, Granger, the same goodie-goodie Gryffindor making sure everyone is following the rules, even when exchanging insults," he sneered at her.

"Just go, Malfoy," she replied. "Your insults are getting old anyway. I'm a Mudblood, I'm a goodie-goodie, I'm a bookworm, I have bushy hair... Don't bother talking to me again until you've come up with some new material."

Hermione resisted the urge to turn away and leave with Ginny and Seamus, not wanting him to think she was retreating.

Malfoy shot her a dangerous smile and walked closer to her. Ginny and Seamus shifted behind her in response to Malfoy's advance, but she stood her ground and glared defiantly up into Malfoy's cold eyes.

"You're right, Granger," Malfoy started in a soft voice, "that's not what makes you pathetic. What makes you pathetic is that you came back this year."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise. "You're a fucking war hero, Granger!" Malfoy continued. "You could have gone off and got any job you wanted, but you chose to put your life on hold and come back here. And I'm sure you told your friends some bogus excuse, like you love school and couldn't stay away, but we both know the real reason."

He smiled as she looked away, suddenly fearful that he might be using Legilimency on her. "You came back here because you know you don't belong out there. You've done nothing but hide behind books and your friend's drama since you entered our world, and now the thought of growing up and entering a world without classes and Potter's war to distract you terrifies you, so you retreated to Hogwarts to hide behind McGonagall's skirts like a bloody coward. So, there's some 'new material' for you, Granger; you're a coward."

Hermione fought back tears as she continued to glare at Malfoy and Ginny placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Hermione was stunned by Malfoy's retort and wondered if he was right, had she returned to school because she was too scared to face the real world? She snapped out of her reverie when she noticed the triumphant look in Malfoy's eyes and shrugged Ginny's hand away.

"How dare you call me a coward, Malfoy," she bit back at him. "You're supposed to be better than everyone because you're a _pureblood_. But all you've done your whole life is follow orders – first from your evil father and then from a half-blood psychopath.

"So you're the coward here, Malfoy, not me. I fought in a war you idiot, and it wasn't just Harry's war, I fought against people who threatened to take _my_ life and tortured _me_. And what were you doing while all of that was going on? NOTHING!"

Malfoy looked angry enough to strangle her, but she continued anyway, "You've done nothing of note your entire life," she paused and took a breath before adding, " _you're_ pathetic."

Malfoy flinched at her last comment, then he finally seemed to find his voice, "You know nothing about me, Granger, or what I've endured. You think you were the only one tortured in the war? You think because we were on his side, he showered us with gifts and practiced cheering charms on us? Get off your high horse and grow up."

Hermione had never seen Malfoy so angry. His eyes were staring into hers so intently she was sure he was trying to pierce her soul. She looked down and saw his clenched fists, which were shaking slightly.

Then he turned away from her so quickly that she almost lost her balance. "Stay away from me this year," he called back from the door, his voice quaking with anger.

As he stormed into the hallway and slammed the door behind him, Hermione realized this was the first time she had actually been afraid in his presence. This was the first time he had seemed like a Death Eater. Hermione decided then it would probably be wise to heed his warning and steer clear of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long team reader, first time writer. I hope you enjoy the story!


	2. The Breakup

**Chapter 2 – The Breakup**

A feeling of dread descended on Draco as he walked into the Great Hall on the first day of classes. He wondered for the thousandth time if suffering through the crap he was bound to endure this year was worth it. But he was sure the thing his mother needed most now could only be found at Hogwarts, so he was stuck here for the time being. After he got what he needed he could drop out.

 _I put up with the Dark Lord living in my house_ , he reminded himself. Dealing with a few self-righteous idiots should be easy compared to that hell.

At least he wouldn't have to endure the constant fear of making one wrong move that ended in an unexpected and quite painful death. He figured that compared with that alternative dealing with some snobby students would be fine.

But he was still brooding over his fight with Granger from the previous day. It had been weak to let her get to him and lose his temper; he didn't want her or any of her stupid friends to think that he cared what they thought about him.

They had no idea what he had been through the past few years. The only thought that reassured him was that he knew he had touched a nerve for her as well. He smiled as he remembered how upset she had looked when he called her a coward.

As Draco approached the Slytherin table he noticed that it was much emptier than the other house tables. As he had guessed, none of the Slytherins from his year besides Blaise, Daphne, and himself had returned. He chose a seat alone at the end of the table as the owl post started to arrive.

Two burly blokes from the year below him, Montgomery and Jones, whose stupidity reminded him of Crabbe and Goyle, approached the seats near him, but Draco shook his head and they went to the other end of the table, scowling.

He instinctively looked up for his eagle owl, Altair, but wasn't surprised to find that he wasn't among the hoard of owls circling the Great Hall. His mother usually sent him a package of sweets on the first day of term, but he knew with her current condition she wouldn't be sending any care packages this year. He hated thinking about his mother, so moved his thoughts over to his father, who was also painful to think about, locked away in Azkaban for the next thirty years.

Draco wasn't sure how he felt about the arrangement. On the one side, without the dementors Azkaban was not as bad as it had been, but it was still jail. Draco loved his father growing up, but in the past few years blamed him for bringing Voldemort into their house and aligning their family so strongly with such an evil, crazy murderer.

He had no idea how his father felt about him either. He wondered what his father would think if he knew his son was considering looking for work after graduating from Hogwarts. Usually the Malfoy heir managed the family's investments and attended social and political events. He never stooped to applying for a job like other common wizards, and Draco was still undecided on this topic.

Part of him wanted to take advantage of his father being out of the picture to do what he wanted, rather than follow a path that had been laid out for him since birth. He had always been interested in being a curse-breaker. He loved solving puzzles (like fixing the cabinet in his sixth year) and the job would give him a chance to live abroad and escape his terrible reputation. He'd be working with goblins who didn't care about wizarding statuses.

The thought of doing something for himself for the first time in his life was a little thrilling, but also a nerve-wrecking. He didn't have the guarantee of his father's influence to get the job he wanted – he'd have to pass the test based on his own merit like everyone else.

A part of him was confident that he'd be fine – he had always been a good student. But a larger part felt that this attempt would likely end in disaster. He knew he didn't deserve to get what he wanted, and he felt like everything that had been coming to him was finally coming to pass. His family was torn apart, his mother was incapacitated, and his father was locked away. It followed that the school year was going to be miserable too.

His dark thoughts were interrupted as Blaise handed him his class schedule, then sat at the table across from him and asked, "How did you already piss off Jones and Montgomery? As far as I can tell you haven't even spoken to them yet."

Draco shrugged as he glanced at his schedule, glad to find that he had the morning free. N.E.W.T. students usually had a lot more free time since they needed to complete the mountains of homework they were assigned, and most students did not take a full schedule.

He had decided to continue with all of the N.E.W.T.s he had signed up for his fifth year, but he knew he'd be dreadfully behind. He had not paid attention to anything sixth year since he honestly didn't think he'd make it through that year alive, and he spent most of last year holed up in his Head Boy dorm trying to ignore the darkness that had taken over the castle.

It's not like he'd missed much, most of the subjects last year hadn't been taught well for obvious reasons. But curse-breaking was one of the most demanding careers when it came to courses required. He figured he'd have time to catch up since he wasn't going to be enjoying much of a social life.

"Who cares?" he finally responded to Blaise, who seemed to be waiting for him to say more about their two new dorm mates.

"Not looking for replacement Crabbe and Goyles this year?" Blaise joked.

"Fuck off," Draco responded. Blaise laughed. Draco thought he'd have a harder time with Blaise but the Slytherin boy had decided to stick with him.

Draco didn't know why, but he didn't mind having someone to talk to, even if it was an instigator like Blaise. He'd just have to be on guard around him, what else was new?

* * *

Hermione smiled as she reviewed her schedule. After a terrible year chasing Horcruxes and a lonely summer with her parents, she was ready to dive back into classes. Her thoughts were interrupted by an owl she didn't recognize pulling on her sleeve, trying to get her attention.

When she looked up she saw two owls in front of her. There was a cream-colored owl that she recognized as Harry's new owl, Apollo and a brown owl with the Daily Prophet.

The brown owl flew off as soon as she untied the paper but after she removed a small envelope from the cream owl's leg it stayed – so Hermione figured he must be waiting for a response. She tore into the small letter.

_Hermione,_

_Ginny is coming to visit this weekend and I really hope you can join her. Ron and I are so eager to see you. Hope you enjoy your first week back, It's so weird picturing you there without us._

_-Harry_

She was a little disappointed that Harry had written and not Ron, but she scribbled back a reply and attached it to the owl, then started skimming the Prophet.

There were the usual stories about Quidditch and celebrities, and an interview with Kingsley talking about his attempts to track down the missing Death Eaters. Her mind drifted to Malfoy, and their fight from the train.

She was instantly angry with him and what he had said about her reasons for returning to Hogwarts. He was wrong, she wasn't running away from anything, she truly loved learning and there was nothing wrong with that.

"Something bad happen? You look upset," Ginny cut in. Hermione chided herself for letting what Malfoy said get to her. He was just a stupid git.

"Oh, nothing new," she responded. "Just another interview from Kingsley about the missing Death Eaters."

"Oh," Ginny responded knowingly. Everyone knew about the missing Death Eaters, it seemed to be all that people were focusing on now Voldemort was gone.

"Hey, I noticed that Defense Against the Dark Arts wasn't on my schedule, did you see it on yours?" Hermione asked, looking for a way to change the subject from the uncertainty of more darkness to come.

Ginny smiled back at her excitedly, "You don't know? Harry's teaching it this year!"

Hermione was confused, and a little miffed that Ginny knew something about her best friend that she didn't. Plus, Harry was going through Auror training, and he wasn't at the feast at the professor's table last night. This didn't make sense.

Ginny continued when she saw Hermione's confused expression, "Well he's not going to be a proper professor, he won't have time for that. But McGonagall couldn't find anyone else and asked him if he could come in once a month for lessons – kind of like the DA. And he'll assign homework between sessions. It won't be the same, but we got a lot of practice over the last year and I bet they'll be lenient during examinations, considering."

Hermione was a little disappointed, but glad she'd be seeing Harry around Hogwarts this year. Also, she hoped he'd bring some topics from his Auror training program, which would be an interesting insight.

Ginny grabbed her bag and stood up to leave, "I'm going to head back to the common room, want to join?"

Hermione gestured at her unfinished plate and picked up the paper, "I'm going to finish this, I'll meet you in there." She turned back to the paper and started reading more thoroughly, wondering in the back of her mind if Harry's monthly Defense lessons would be enough to prepare them for their N.E.W.T.s.

* * *

The Great Hall was mostly empty by the time Hermione finished with her newspaper. She scanned the room as she stood up to leave and noticed Malfoy and Zabini sitting at their table, each lost in his own thoughts.

On her way back to the common room she stopped by the new vials that were installed to track house points. There used to be hourglasses filled with colored jewels for each house. Now instead there were four large vials of glittering potion in each of the house colors. They didn't even look like hourglasses anymore.

Hermione wondered if someone had put these here or if the castle had created these on its own. "Five points to Gryffindor," she muttered and watched as five large drops appeared at the top of the vial and rained down to the bottom into a shallow pool of red liquid.

"Five points from Gryffindor," She muttered again and watched the drops evaporate into the clouds at the top of the vial. She wordlessly added and subtracted points from her house as she watched the drops fall and evaporate in the vials.

Tears started to form in her eyes as she finally admitted to herself how disappointing her return to Hogwarts had been so far. After just one night here she already knew this year wouldn't feel anything like her previous years here.

The castle was still under repair from the massive damage of the battle. After the feast the night before the heads of houses and prefects toured the school and reviewed the most notable changes. Stairways were missing and in some cases, they were replaced by new ones across the building, and in others a ladder had been propped up to allow students to climb through a hole in the ceiling.

In the towers, which had sustained the most damage during the battle, entire wings were blocked off, causing the majority of classes to be moved to the lower levels. Fortunately, the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw common rooms were in good enough condition to be used, but the nearby Head Boy and Girl dormitories were destroyed and both Hermione and Anthony were relocated to the dungeons.

The castle appearance wasn't the only change. The feast without Harry and Ron scarfing food like they had been starved all summer and Dumbledore at the head of the room was almost too much for her to handle. The students themselves seemed different too. There were a lot less of them and the ones who were there were subdued, making the usual noise of the whole Great Hall muted.

As she watched the large drops float down, then back up, she admitted that the old life she had so enjoyed was gone, and although she came back here to recapture it, it was not here anymore.

Her childhood years were over, and she had to move on just like the castle had. It hadn't re-built itself to be like the way it was, it was transforming into something new and she realized that she needed to do the same. The problem was, she didn't know what to do next. All she had known was books and spells and essays. What was next for her? What could she do that mattered?

* * *

Draco walked out into the Great Hall a few paces behind Blaise, planning to pass his free morning in the library before Arithmancy. Blaise stopped in front of him and glanced over with a Slytherin grin, then Malfoy looked and saw the source of his amusement.

Granger was standing in front of the large vials used to count points, and he saw large red drops raining into the Gryffindor vial after she waved her wand.

"We're only a few hours into the new school year and you're already abusing your power, Granger?" Blaise called to her, but she didn't react. Blaise paused behind her, waiting for her to notice him while Draco stared at the drops now floating up to the top of the vial.

While he watched he refocused his gaze onto her reflection in the glass, and he started when he saw the haunted look in her eyes which was so reflective of his own feeling right now.

He thought he knew exactly how she felt looking at these vials which represented how different Hogwarts was now. He missed how Hogwarts was before the war. He missed Snape, and Crabbe and Goyle, and being popular. He even missed stupid Dumbledore who made the school feel safe.

Which was ironic because now they were safer than ever – but it's almost like it didn't matter anymore. After the worst has happened, what is there to hide from anymore?

As he stared into Granger's eyes in the reflection he saw her notice him and watched her eyes turn from sad to sympathetic. He had never felt so simultaneously close and separated from someone, but as this thought formed in his mind, he threw it out as violently as if he was practicing Occlumency against an intruder and turned away from her reflection.

What was wrong with him? Was he so pathetic that he would stoop this low to connect with another person? The loneliness that had been building up since his sixth year was making him mad.

Blaise didn't seem to notice the interaction between Draco and Granger and repeated his earlier taunt now that she was turned toward them. "On the train you threatened me to not abuse my power like Malfoy yet here you are doing just that," he motioned toward the liquid in the Gryffindor vial.

Still reeling from his unexpected connection with Granger, Draco added, "When have I ever abused my power?"

Granger looked at Draco and then Blaise, all of sadness gone from her expression and replaced by extreme annoyance, then she rolled her eyes. "Leave me alone, I was just wondering how they work."

She waved her wand and a few drops went back to the top of the vial, then she turned on her toe and walked away with a "humph."

"What's wrong with her?" Draco remarked to Blaise, who smirked back. Draco walked with him back to the common room, the feeling easier between them now that they were united against a common enemy. Draco had planned to go to the library but after seeing the new vials he wanted to check something in his trunk.

Blaise went for a seat by the fire and Draco headed for their dormitory. When he got to his room he dropped to his knees and started digging through his trunk. He was relieved when he found what he was looking for and pulled his hand out of the trunk and stared at the items in his palm.

There were several jewels there, three rubies, two emeralds, four diamonds, and one sapphire glittering back at him. He still didn't know why he had paused fighting in the middle of the final battle to grab these.

He remembered stopping and looking around. The world that he knew was falling apart and all he wanted to do was run away and cry. It was then that he grabbed a handful of the spilled jewels and pocketed them, as if he could use them later in a spell or potion to turn back time.

He had shoved them in his trunk at the end of the battle and forgotten about them until he saw Granger studying the new vials. Now that he looked at them he felt stupid and naïve for thinking he could get back what he had lost. He knew he should throw them out, but instead placed them on top of his nightstand and left the room.

He was certainly going mad. Sympathizing with a Mudblood, saving trinkets like a bloody child, he needed to get a grip and focus on why he came here. He headed to the library for the rest of the morning and started in on his task.

* * *

Hermione looked down at the sandwich on her plate once she realized she'd been staring at Harry and Ginny for a little too long. She was just so happy seeing her best friend calm, relaxed, and in love and was glad he finally got the happy ending he so deserved.

But she was a little bitter that she couldn't have the same thing with Ron, who was currently staring into the fire, completely oblivious to his surroundings.

She and Ginny had apparated to Grimmauld Place, which was where Harry and Ron were living while they attended Auror training together, just after walking to Hogsmeade after breakfast this morning.

The guys had been so excited to see her and initially she felt like she was back at home. But just like her return to Hogwarts was not as expected, her reunion with her friends showed that a lot had changed.

It became clear that Ginny was more a part of the group than she was, having spent the summer with Harry and Ron, and there were a lot of jokes between them Hermione didn't understand. She also didn't know how to behave around Ron, and he didn't really know how to behave around her either.

He seemed so depressed. They had a few awkward conversations in the sitting room. The guys talked as much as they could about training – which wasn't much given the oaths they'd had to take to protect the Auror office. And the girls explained how different Hogwarts was now.

Harry and Ron said they'd be back to watch Quidditch matches, and they talked a little about Harry's plans for Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons, and then the conversation fizzled out.

The guys had prepared lunch and here they were, eating sandwiches. Harry and Ginny were talking in low voices at the other end of the table while Hermione and Ron were silent. She knew he was missing his brother and was unsure how to cope, but she had no idea how to help him.

Earlier when Ron had left the room for a bit Harry had tried to explain it to her, "It's so hard for him, and I get it. You lose someone and you think you're done grieving. But then you're reminded of them and all that grief comes right back as if they'd just died all over again. It's just a constant up and down battle."

His eyes were distant and Ginny looked down. Harry grabbed Ginny's hand then and the gesture broke Hermione's heart. She knew he was thinking of all the people he'd lost – Sirius, Dumbledore, Lupin, maybe even his parents. "I know it's supposed to be good, remembering them and all, so they live on. But it fucking hurts."

Hermione looked up from her half-eaten sandwich when Harry and Ginny got up from the table. Ginny said, "We're going to go talk," then she added, "alone."

Hermione thought that addition was needless, Hermione wasn't stupid, she hadn't been planning to follow them or anything. She nodded and Harry blushed a little and gave her a small smile. Ron snapped out of his reverie enough to nod, then gave Hermione a knowing look and fake vomited. She couldn't help but laugh at the immature gesture.

She figured this was the best opening she was going to get with Ron, so started with, "Uh, Ron?"

He looked at her, _Good,_ she thought, _at least he's paying attention_. "I know this is going to make me sound like a teenage girl, but I think we need to talk about…us."

She looked down, and added, "You know, what we are, what's going to happen here." He stared back at her and she couldn't read his expression, so she added, "I love you." Then she winced. Maybe that last bit was too much.

He sighed deeply and slid closer to her, grabbing one of her hands in both of his, "Hermione I-" he looked away, unsure of how to proceed.

 _Bad sign,_ she thought to herself, but waited for him to collect his thoughts.

"I feel so…guilty. I've been thinking about this – us – all summer. I can't, I don't think I can do it." He looked back at her with a pleading expression, but she wasn't sure what he was asking her for. She looked down at their hands, unable to maintain his gaze without crying.

"It's not you. Or us, it's Fred, and everything. I can't get past it, I can't think about- about anything else. I would be a terrible boyfriend to you now and you deserve so much more. I want to give it more, like them," he motioned upstairs and she thought of Harry and Ginny, unable to keep their eyes off of each other all day, and wished again she could have a relationship like that.

"They have so much to give each other and I don't have it. Not now," he added quickly. He grabbed her chin so she was looking at him, but now she didn't know what to say. She feared this would be his reaction, she could tell he was in no place for a relationship, but it still hurt that he couldn't give her what she wanted.

"I understand, Ron," she said simply, then got up and walked upstairs to the bedroom she shared with Ginny when they'd stayed here previously. She sat on the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest and cried silently. She heard a faint laugh from across the hall and cast a silencing charm on the room.

She hadn't felt this alone in a long time. Going back to Hogwarts was probably a mistake. She should have stayed and helped the boys. She could help Ron through his grief and be around the second he was ready for a relationship again.

But instead she was wasting her time chasing memories that were gone, because she was too afraid to move on. Malfoy had been right about her, and the thought made her cry harder.

She stayed in that position until she saw the door open a few hours later. Ginny and Harry appeared in the doorway, and after a silent conversation between the two Harry came in and sat beside her on the bed.

She saw Ginny turn on her heel and march off, maybe going to tell off her brother. Harry reached his arm around her and she leaned into him, still clutching her knees to her chest. "He'll come around, Hermione, he just needs time."

She nodded, then let out a long sigh. For the first time since she'd returned from the wizarding world she felt like she was home.

She belonged here with Harry, and Ron, wherever he was. It was always supposed to be the three of them. The thought caused her to sob, but there were no tears left.

Harry put his other arm around her and pulled her into his chest. She dropped her legs and hugged him back, then pulled away and looked at her friend. He looked worried, and she instantly felt guilty. He shouldn't be worrying her, after everything. He always took too much on himself.

She tried to smile, then he said, "You don't have to fake a smile for me. What else is going on? Is this more than just Ron?"

She let out a small laugh, then dipped her head; he'd found her out. When they were kids he'd always been pretty dense when it came to reading emotions, but she figured that was just a boy trait. He'd definitely grown up, or maybe he could just read her.

They had spent months together alone and it was comforting that even though they'd been separated they hadn't lost that closeness. With Ron pulling away from her and her parents trying to ignore her magic she was feeling so alone. At least she still had Harry. He still cared and wanted her to be okay.

He placed a hand on her chin and gently pulled it up so she was looking at him, "Hermione?" he asked, and she couldn't help herself from breaking down then.

She told him everything. She told him about the awkwardness with her parents over the summer. She told him about Hogwarts and how it felt so wrong. She even told him about Malfoy and what he'd said.

She told him about Ron and her expectations that she'd be with him and Harry would be with Ginny and they would all hang out, but now that seemed like a long shot when Ron couldn't handle being in the same room with her.

By the end of it she felt completely drained, but like a burden had been lifted. They were both lying back on the bed looking at the ceiling, and Harry had been quiet for most of it, just letting her ramble on. She turned her head to look at him and he looked back as if to ask, _Is that it?_

She nodded in response to his silent question, then covered her face, suddenly embarrassed. "Sorry, Harry, I can't believe I rambled on for an hour and I never asked about you. I'm the worst friend."

He sat up on the bed and pulled her hand away from her face, "You're not the worst friend. The opposite, actually. And I don't mind it being about someone else for a change. I feel like it's always about me."

She smiled, then raised herself back up to sitting. He continued, "Also, Kingsley is making me see a mind healer at St. Mungo's as a condition for going into Auror training so soon after the war and I spend more time then I need talking about my thoughts."

"Well that's a good thing, I'm glad he's making you do that, Harry."

He laughed, "Yeah, I could have anticipated that response from you." She shoved him playfully.

"I'm sorry you had such a lousy week. I think you should stay at Hogwarts though. And don't listen to Malfoy, he's an arse." She snorted and he added, "What the hell is he even doing there?"

"I've been wondering the same thing all week, he's in almost all of my classes too so I have to see him every day."

Harry gave her a sympathetic look, "Anyway, this is about you, not Malfoy. I'd love to have you here, you could live here with us. Or get your own place close by if that's too weird. You know Kingsley would find you a job in a heartbeat. But I think we both know you'll regret not finishing school. Give it more than a week, and if you still hate it after, say, a month, leave."

She nodded, it was sensible, and she'd never been one to make rash decisions.

"And about Ron," he sighed, "I know today wasn't fun, but I think it's because you both knew you needed to talk. Now that you got that over with, it should lighten up. We can still all hang out," she nodded again.

There was a small knock on the door, then Ginny appeared in the doorway, "Sorry to interrupt, but Hermione, we need to head back, you had that meeting."

Hermione nodded, they needed to get back before her meeting with the prefects later. "Thanks, Harry," she said.

"Ron left," Ginny said angrily. "But I'm meant to tell you he says 'bye.'"

Hermione looked at Harry who gave her an apologetic look and Ginny noticed and added, "He does love you, Hermione, he's just being thick. He's trying to do the right thing here and wait until he's in a better place to start something. He's just going about it all wrong."

They'd reached the door and Hermione noticed the picture of Sirius's mother was finally gone, she looked at Harry and she noticed her gaze. "Turns out Kreacher knew how to get it down, all I had to do was ask nicely."

"You mean order him to take it down?" she asked, unable to remove the edge in her voice.

"No," he laughed at her sharp look. "I don't order him around anymore, promise. I try my best to phrase everything as a desire or request."

Hermione nodded, then gave him a quick hug, "Stay safe," she whispered, "Those Death Eaters aren't going to leave quietly."

He nodded and looked at her like she was a nag, then handed Hermione her bag. She went outside to give Harry and Ginny time to say goodbye privately. She knew they wouldn't have minded her there, but watching the two of them together was a little too much for her now.

When Ginny came outside, they apparated back to Hogsmeade and walked up to the castle together.

"Do you really think we'll end up together?" Hermione asked her friend, then added unnecessarily, "me and Ron?"

Ginny walked silently, like she was really considering the question, which Hermione appreciated. "I knew from the first time I met Harry eight years ago that we'd be together. And there were a lot of twists and turns along the way, but now we're stronger than ever."

She looked over at Hermione, then continued, "It'll be the same with you and Ron, I'm sure of it. Guys can be pretty slow when it comes to this kind of thing. Especially Ron." Hermione couldn't help but smile and had to admit she did feel a little better.

* * *

"So you're going to brave the Dining Hall this morning?" Blaise said teasingly as Draco followed him and Daphne out of the common room on their way to breakfast.

Starting on the second day of school Draco had begun receiving hate mail. There were howlers, a few packages that he refused to open, and photos of people's dead relatives. He hated those the most, but couldn't bring himself to destroy them. They were currently sitting on the bottom of his trunk.

He'd avoided the dining hall for the rest of the week since he was sick of having the rest of the school hear his howlers, but continued to receive the mail in his dorm. At least then he could sit through the screaming letters without an audience. He hadn't received anything the past two days so hoped it was safe enough to return.

Draco shrugged in response to Blaise, who turned back to Daphne and continued recounting the parties he'd attended the past weekend. Blaise had always been a big partier. Draco guessed it had been instilled in him since he was young.

His mother was famous so growing up there was always an event for him to attend. Now that he was of age and could leave on the weekends, he seemed determined to make the most of his time away from school.

As they reached the main corridor in the dungeons leading to the stairs to the Great Hall, the three Slytherins met some Hufflepuff second years. Draco knew they were second years because they had been among the first group of first years last year that had been tortured by Crabbe and Goyle. The Hufflepuffs looked at Draco scared and angry, but hurried on ahead of them.

Blaise paused while they passed, then continued his story. Draco felt his mind dragging forth the memory of that day but rushed to stamp it down, he didn't need a flashback right here in the hall before breakfast. He focused on what Blaise was saying to distract himself and heard him talking about the model he'd hooked up with. He couldn't help but snort.

Blaise turned back to him and raised an eyebrow, "Is there a problem, Malfoy?"

"You expect us to believe a gorgeous model wanted to hook up with a teenage boy who is still attending Hogwarts? Especially one as ugly as you," he added, though it was not true and they both knew it. Girls found Blaise good-looking for some reason, but he was a giant arse. Draco couldn't talk though, people used to say the same thing about him.

"Yeah, I didn't tell her that, I'm not an idiot," he smirked at Daphne but she sneered back, probably wondering why he was telling her all of this. When they got to the dining hall Daphne left them to sit by her sister, and Blaise and Draco took a spot away from the other students as Blaise continued.

"You should come with, Draco, you'd be an excellent wing man. I'm sure some of these purebloods would love to hear how you avoided death by Voldemort while he was living in your house. And how you're now on the path to redemption. It's all very brave, the ladies would eat it up."

Draco humphed, his expression clearly saying that he would not be joining Blaise. Blaise shrugged then started eating breakfast. When the owls started coming in, he cleared the plates in front of them, smirking at Draco, "Better make room for your fan mail."

Draco avoided looking up, he didn't want the rest of the school to see that the mail affected him, but it did. He knew he'd done wrong, but did they honestly think he'd had a choice? That he didn't hate every second of the war?

Most people were scared in their homes, Potter was fucking camping, but he had to see it every day. He had to live through it and that should have been punishment enough. But now he was an outcast and everyone hated him. He knew why, but it was impossible not to let it affect him.

But Draco was good at pretending and hiding his emotions, the one useful thing his father had taught him growing up. He took a deep breath and steeled himself when he saw four letters dropped in front of him. He noticed two were howlers and decided to let them explode.

There was no avoiding them. You could either open them and have them start yelling, or let them explode and have them start yelling. He decided to just open them this time and get it over with. He closed his eyes for a second and cleared his mind before breaking the seal on the first one.

HOW COULD YOU RETURN TO THE PLACE YOU RUINED YOU DEATH EATER SCUM? HOGWARTS WAS A SAFE HAVEN, A PLACE OF LEARNING AND HAPPINESS. BUT FROM THE MOMENT YOU LET YOUR DEATH EATER MATES INTO THE CASTLE AND LET THEM KILL DUMBLEDORE IT WAS TAINTED WITH HATE AND EVIL.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WALK THOSE HALLS, TO FORCE INNOCENT STUDENTS TO SEE YOUR FACE. YOU HAVE NO SHAME MALFOY. YOU SHOULD BE ROTTING IN A CELL RIGHT ALONGSIDE YOUR FATHER.

Draco struggled to keep his face impassive while Blaise shot him a half amused, half sympathetic look. "That one sounded like a student."

"Yeah," Draco said, opening the next howler.

YOU'RE A MURDER AND I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU AND ALL OF YOUR DEATH EATER FRIENDS. GO BACK HOME NOBODY WANTS YOU THERE. DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND LEAVE US ALL ALONE!

"Well at least that one was-" Blaise started, but then the howler continued,

P.S. ROT IN HELL, DRACO MALFOY.

"-short." Blaise finished. Blaise had the decency not to smirk and Draco appreciated it. He was currently using all of his energy to keep his expression blank and didn't have any more energy to tell Blaise off. He continued eating breakfast and tried to keep his hands from shaking. He guessed he'd been too quick to return to the Great Hall, maybe he'd give it another week.

"Look at him, he doesn't even care," a Ravenclaw he thought he knew whispered to her friend as they passed behind them. Draco tested the two envelopes remaining in front of him with his wand. No curses and nothing hiding inside. He cut the first one open quickly. Just words, he tossed it back on the table, not interested in reading it.

The second one contained a picture: a small boy and his mother. He hoped the letter was about the woman and not the small kid, then figured it was all bad. He slipped the picture into his bag and left the letter.

Blaise watched him but didn't comment, he seemed committed to giving Draco a pass today and Draco was more than willing to take it. After a few moments of silence, they started talking about the next Quidditch season.

Blaise was giving Draco a hard time for not planning to play this year as they walked out of the Great Hall. "Malfoy!" the two turned next to the new house point vials as Anthony Goldstein came up to them.

"You can't keep disrupting breakfast with your howlers. It's an awful start to the day."

Draco was about to speak, then stopped himself, not willing to let this idiot Head Boy be one of his five people. He'd already made this mistake with the Head Girl.

Blaise cut in instead, "Mind your business, Goldstein," then turned back the way they'd been going.

"Ten points from Slytherin," Goldstein said coolly, and the boys turned to watch the droplets float back to the top of the vial with green liquid. Draco noticed then the vial had a lot less than the others, maybe Goldstein wasn't the only person taking his frustrations about the war out on the Slytherin House.

"For what, tosser?" Blaise retorted. "I'm a prefect, remember? How does Malfoy receiving howlers break school rules?"

"I can take points for disrespecting superiors, and he ignored me when I tried to confront him. I can take more for your disrespect, Zabini."

"Fuck off," Blaise snarled. Goldstein turned to Draco, intent on getting a response from him.

"Got yourself a new crony this year I see," Blaise clenched his fist but knew better than to strike. "What, Malfoy? Can't speak for yourself anymore? Too sad about your dead master? Or maybe your locked-up daddy?" Draco stared back at the boy across from him, refusing to react to his taunt but inside his blood was boiling.

He turned to Blaise, "Let's go, crony."

Blaise pushed him and he was forced back a few steps, "I am not your fucking crony, Draco. You know if you want some Montgomery and Jones are more than willing-"

"I don't need them, I have you." Blaise glared at him and he smirked, then Blaise relaxed when he saw Draco was joking.

"I'm going to make your year miserable, Malfoy," Goldstein yelled at them from the Entrance Hall as they walked away. "The howlers had it right, you have no right to be here. We haven't forgotten the Carrows."

The boys kept walking, knowing ignoring the Head Boy would annoy him most.

"So back to Quidditch," Blaise continued talking about the next season, and Draco let out a sigh of relief. Blaise was annoying, and not really a friend, but maybe an ally, and it would be nice to have one of those this year.


	3. Draco's Task

**Chapter 3 – Draco's Task**

Hermione sighed angrily as she sat down for the first double-charms session of the year. _Perfect, another class with Malfoy,_ she thought bitterly as she took the only remaining seat in the class next to the blonde Slytherin.

Malfoy was in four of her five N.E.W.T. classes and while he hadn't addressed her directly since that first day in the Great Hall, he still managed to subtly goad her. He'd snort if she answered a question too fast, chortle if she made a mistake, or just glare angrily at her.

Hermione kept daydreaming about how peaceful her year would be if he had chosen not to come back, then wondered for the hundredth time since term started what had brought Malfoy back to school. It didn't make any sense, he seemed to be hating it as much as everyone else hated having him here.

She hoped he'd just realize this and leave one day, but a part of her suspected he was simply there to make her life miserable. She pulled her notebook out of her bag and forced herself to listen to Flitwick instead of dwelling on stupid Malfoy.

She perked up when Flitwick said they would be competing today against the other students as a way of practicing non-verbal charms. Hermione loved classroom competitions and thought the professors didn't use this method of teaching often enough.

"We've learned the most common basic and intermediate charms," Flitwick was saying, "but they get exponentially more challenging when you try them without speaking the words. Enunciating is key when speaking aloud, and the same holds when saying the enchantment in your mind."

Hermione was scribbling and tried to ignore Malfoy who was writing frantically next to her, making a poor attempt at imitating her. "…need extreme mental focus and a very strong mind. The best way to master nonverbals is to practice, so I have these puzzle boxes to assist us today."

"Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Goldstein, if you would assist me in passing these out." The two boys stood. Malfoy looked like he'd rather be doing anything else but remained silent as he picked up several boxes and began passing them out.

He dropped Hermione's loudly on her desk and she glared at him while he smirked back, but she ignored him and started studying the box. It was matte steel and slightly larger than her hand, with a large gold lock on one of the sides.

Once everyone in the class had a box, Flitwick continued with his instructions. "The challenge will be to work through this puzzle box to the end – which will be obvious when you get to it. There are a series of simple charms required to solve the box."

He was clearly excited by the challenge, and Hermione was too. Malfoy rolled his eyes and she continued to ignore him. "I won't say too much more," Flitwick continued, "and will just let you go, the only rule is – no speaking! Let's see who can solve it first."

Hermione grabbed her wand and wasted no time unlocking the large gold lock with a silent _Alohamora_ in her head. The lock opened with a satisfying click then disappeared. She heard Malfoy's lock click next to her and tried to ignore it, looking into pitch black nothingness at the inside of the box.

She lit her wand with a quick Lumos and held her wand in there to see a small blue ball rolling around at the bottom of the box. She moved the wand around more and saw a hole about twice the size of the ball on the inside wall of the box, and reasoned she probably needed to get the ball into that hole.

As soon as she started levitating the ball, her wand light went out and she could no longer see it properly to direct it to the hole.

She glanced over at Malfoy to see if he was stuck too, then immediately looked back to her box. Hermione would not allow herself to cheat, especially off of that prick; she could figure this out herself.

After a few moments she remembered a spell to ignite a floating flame and it took her a few tries to get it bright enough and in the right spot inside the box, then she floated the ball into the hole.

She took that chance to look around and found that most of the students were still working with dark boxes and hadn't figured out how to light the inside. Except for Malfoy, who was working with a lit box. She focused back on her puzzle, not wanting to be bested by Draco Malfoy.

Nothing happened when she put the ball in the hole, so she tried engorging it to fit exactly, but it still didn't work. She had just noticed the color of the insert was yellow, while the ball was blue, and was about to change the color of the ball when fireworks erupted from Malfoy's box on her right.

"Dammit," she muttered under her breath as Flitwick raced over to congratulate the winner.

"Bravo! Very impressive. The fastest I've ever seen! 20 points to-"

He stopped talking when he reached their desks, he had clearly thought it was Hermione who'd won, but when he saw Malfoy's box emitting the last of the sparks he stopped talking and the points he was about to award were never assigned.

Daphne Greengrass, who was sitting behind Malfoy, shot Professor Flitwick a murderous glare but remained silent. Blaise Zabini leaned over and whispered something into her ear and she laughed cruelly.

"Well Mr. Malfoy," Professor Flitwick said curtly, ignoring the Slytherins, "you obviously have nonverbal charms mastered, feel free to leave for the remainder of class."

In a louder voice he said, "Come on class, we'll continue with another round. I have a bag of sweets for the next person to complete their box. Go ahead and reset them and we'll start again."

Hermione looked at Malfoy and the other Slytherins, expecting them to argue at this obvious injustice, but he just grabbed his bag and went to the door. She couldn't read his expression but he must be hurt, how could he not be? He didn't really deserve to have everyone punish him for the war, but as he was the only Death Eater attending Hogwarts, he was taking the brunt of everyone's frustrations.

He looked right at her as he turned to leave and shot her a nasty smirk and mouthed _loser._ She rolled her eyes, why did she bother feeling sorry for that arse? And when did he get so good?

She always knew he was smart, but he was usually too busy taunting Harry and being an evil git to apply himself in lessons. She turned back to her puzzle box, determined to master nonverbal charms so he would not get a chance to best her again.

* * *

Draco sighed heavily as the classroom door shut behind him. Two years ago he wouldn't have been able to control his temper had a professor treated him so poorly. It was clear Flitwick intended to give the bag of sweets and house points to the winner, but changed his mind when he saw the winner was Draco.

But living with the Dark Lord had numbed him to small injustices like unfair house point distribution. He couldn't care less about Slytherin winning the House Cup this year. He began walking the halls with no destination in mind.

He was glad for the chance to escape the other students in his class and liked the rare experience of walking the halls while everyone else was occupied. One subject he had become an expert on in the past few years was loneliness.

He found he felt lonelier surrounded by people he couldn't trust or talk to than he felt when he was by himself. The other people who didn't understand his circumstances made him feel even more separate from the rest of the world than physically being apart, so he tried to remove himself whenever possible.

It was hard with the demanding class schedule he'd signed up for, but he didn't want to shut-out the possibility of solving his mother's problem early in the term then going on to pursue a career while his father was locked up and unable to do anything about it.

Draco knew he should be in the library working on helping his mother, but he had spent all his free time since returning to the castle there and was making no progress. He reasoned that walking around to clear his mind before diving back into his research wasn't such a bad idea.

He stopped walking when he encountered a dead end and found himself outside the hall where the Room of Requirement once was. He figured he ended up here out of habit; when he was solving a big problem in his sixth year this was where he always came.

He took in a deep breath and sat down on the floor where the door used to appear. His thoughts drifted to the last time he was in the Room of Requirement. He was trying to get his wand from Potter and the situation quickly turned awful with Crabbe getting killed and Potter saving his and Goyles' lives.

The whole attempt to capture Potter was weak on his part, his heart wasn't in it and Potter seemed to sense that as well. All he really wanted was his wand back, but that hadn't even worked out.

 _You've done nothing of note your entire life, you're pathetic_. Granger's words from the train had been echoing in his head all week. He hated to admit she was right.

He wasn't able to get his wand back, he'd been unable to kill Dumbledore, he did nothing to defend the students against the Carrows last year, did nothing when forced to torture other people, did nothing to help the prisoners who came in and out of the Manor, including Potter and his friends, and he did nothing in the final battle.

He was raised to believe that Malfoys were strong and superior but in the past year he'd been questioning this truth more and more. He was tired of himself and he wanted to be someone else. He couldn't even help his mother.

Draco rubbed the tears that were forming in his eyes away at the thought of his mother and stood up, planning to finally head for the library. When he reached the end of the hall he was stopped by McGonagall, one of his least favorite professors. _Headmistress_ – he corrected in his mind.

 _Great,_ he thought to himself. But her tone wasn't angry, just curious.

"Why aren't you in class, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I was let out early. I was the first to complete my puzzle box in Charms," he said defensively, waiting for another professor to give him a hard time. She'd probably find a reason to take points away, even though he wondered if Slytherin had any left to take at this rate.

"Ah, yes, a popular competition. Well good for you, Mr. Malfoy," he looked at her suspiciously, but she ignored his glare and continued, "I've been meaning to talk to you, if you wouldn't mind."

McGonagall waved her hand toward her office, but Draco's chest constricted slightly at the thought of entering that office. He'd last visited there when Snape was Headmaster and he'd heard Potter had worked to get his portrait placed in there. He did not want to see his former favorite professor right now.

"I don't mind talking out here in the open. Everyone is in class anyway," Draco said quickly. The older witch nodded and he was grateful, but didn't remove the suspicious expression from his face.

"Sure," she said, "it's about the Quidditch season."

Draco nodded, waiting for her to continue. If she was going to suspend him from playing, he didn't care, he hadn't planned on playing anyway.

"I need to assign a Slytherin Quidditch captain and I thought of you first, given your talent and obvious interest in the sport in past years. But given all that has happened and your current lack of popularity, I reconsidered."

Draco sighed, of course she did. Was she telling him this to make him feel bad before she suspended him? "However, I think my initial thought was the right one. If you're willing to withstand the unpleasantness that will surely come when the rest of the school finds out, the position is yours."

Draco looked back at the headmistress shocked. This was definitely not what he'd been expecting. "I wasn't planning to play this year, I have a full class schedule," he responded quickly.

He needed to spend his free time helping his mother, not on Quidditch. But this had been a dream of his for years, and he knew his younger self would be kicking him right now.

McGonagall gave him a piercing glare, nothing much got by her, that's mostly why he'd never liked her. "In my experience Quidditch lovers can find time to fit practice into even the busiest of schedules."

She paused, waiting to see if he would respond. When he didn't, she said, "I think your peers, and likely some of the professors, have been overly harsh to you upon your return."

She paused again, but he didn't speak. This wasn't a big secret, everyone had heard the howlers. Most of those were likely sent by students attending Hogwarts now who were too cowardly to say the words to his face.

"I've been talking to Snape's portrait and I know the lengths the two of you went to to keep students away from the Carrows last year." The look on her face softened, but Draco felt his hardening, feeling slightly betrayed that Snape (even just the portrait version) would discuss him with McGonagall.

Draco had tried to save as many students as possible from detentions with the Carrows as soon as he saw what the Carrows' version of punishment was. He and Snape would divert students to detentions with Draco writing lines in the prefect office, or with Slughorn sorting through Potions ingredients.

But the Carrows eventually caught on near the end of the year and Draco wasn't able to save as many students as he'd have liked to. Luckily by that time most of them had disappeared. He knew they were in the Room of Requirement but he never gave that secret up. "They still tortured loads of students," Draco eventually admitted.

McGonagall studied him, but didn't say anything else. Draco thought maybe she figured she'd made her point and didn't want to make it again. Or maybe she'd just reached the limit of the nice things she was willing to say to Draco in one conversation.

"It will be good for students to see the school returning to normal. As much as we can, that is. I understand your hesitation, but I think you're likely the only qualified player right now who'll be able to pull a decent team together."

"Why do you care if Slytherin gets a good team together? Everyone knows you just want Gryffindor to win." Draco was surprised when she smiled, instead of taking points for his insolence.

"Well of course I want Gryffindor to win, but I think even Miss Weasley would agree that the win will be sweeter if we have actual competition. Let me know by the end of the week Mr. Malfoy." She turned back toward her office and he watched her walk away, still shocked by the interaction.

Since when did McGonagall give a flying broomstick about him? Was this Snape's doing? What else had portrait Snape been telling her? Did Snape even care about him?

He'd been feeling Snape's absence more than ever these last few weeks since it was clear absolutely no one at this school wanted him here. He hadn't realized how nice it was to have an ally, even if it was greasy old Snape, who ended up being a traitor anyway.

Draco sighed, then walked to his room to get his broom. All this talk of Quidditch gave him the idea to fly, and he wouldn't be able to get anything done at the library in his current mood anyway.

* * *

"I'd help you clean that, but I'm no crony," Blaise muttered as the rest of the students filed out of the potions class. Someone had toppled Draco's cauldron of aging potion over while he was turning in his vial.

"You've made that abundantly clear Zabini," Draco muttered back, trying to avoid the potion splashing while he cleaned, not wanting to deal with wrinkled old man hands this afternoon since he planned to fly later with Blaise. "If you're not going to help, just leave me alone."

"Are we still flying later?" Draco nodded, then Blaise said, "Sounds good, just come get me in the common room after your class." Then he left Draco alone.

After a few more minutes Draco had the potion wiped up, then he put his cauldron away and rushed off to Runes, which he would probably be late for. He was stopped in the hall by three boys, Michael Corner, Anthony Goldstein, and Terry Boot, who he liked to call the Ravenclots.

Now he knew who was responsible for spilling his potion. They were probably hoping to get him alone for whatever this was going to be. Draco sighed, whatever it was, it wouldn't be worse than anything he'd already endured.

"Hey Malfoy, headed to Runes? Us too, let's walk together." Anthony motioned for him to walk alongside them with a fake smile, and Draco gave him a harsh glare, but joined him anyway.

He knew he was outnumbered and shouldn't start a fight alone in the dungeons with the Head Boy and his Golden Trio-wannabes.

"We were talking about Quidditch," Corner said. "You know I've been made Ravenclaw captain?"

Draco shrugged.

"Why is it you don't talk anymore?" Boot cut in. "You seemed to have plenty to say when we were younger."

Draco remained silent.

"Particularly in fifth year, when you took 50 points for my 'dirty blood and even dirtier mum' who you'd claimed to have shagged, if I remember correctly."

Boot grabbed Draco's arm and he was sure he was going to hit him, but instead he growled, "Say something," angrily, and Draco dropped his wand into his hand as discreetly as possible.

Draco turned to Goldstein, "I have nothing to say. Now we should go to class before we're all late." He made to move, but Boot kept a grip on his arm, but looked at Goldstein, who seemed to be the leader.

That's why Draco had addressed him. He knew when he was beat, and letting Goldstein in as person number four was just a matter of self-preservation. But if he directed all comments to him only, he'd just count this as one person he was talking to instead of three.

Goldstein nodded and kept walking, then Boot let Draco go and they continued walking down the hall.

"So back to Quidditch," Corner said. "We were wondering if you'd have the audacity to try to play seeker for your house."

Draco didn't respond. He still hadn't made a decision about being captain. He had more important things to consider than Quidditch right now.

"I wanted to remind you, Malfoy, that a proper Head Boy is supposed to look out for the safety of all Hogwarts students," Goldstein gave Draco a hard look, obviously referring to the previous year when Draco had been Head Boy but allowed tons of students to be tortured by the Carrows.

"So I want to let you know that if you were to play, you might find more fouls on you than is typical, even for a seeker." Draco huffed, this was so stupid, they were trying to keep him from playing Quidditch? Did they think this would work?

"The Ravenclaw team must be worse than usual this year if you're settling for pathetic scare tactics in an attempt to weaken the other teams," Draco muttered.

Anthony pushed him against the wall and Draco kept a firm grip on his wand, ready to strike if things got worse. "I have no idea why you're here instead of a cell in Azkaban alongside your father. But you do not deserve any of the fun this school has to offer and I won't let your presence take away from the other students. Go to class, then go to your dorm, but partake in anything else and I'll make your life hell."

Goldstein turned then and his cronies followed him down the hall. Draco breathed angrily, then instead of going after them to Runes he headed to the staff room to find McGonagall and tell her he'd be accepting the job of Slytherin Quidditch captain.

* * *

Hermione was disappointed to find the occupied sign on the door of the prefect bathroom when she arrived. She left dinner early to have a nice bath after a long day of classes but guessed she wasn't the only person with that idea. She sat on the floor next to the door and pulled out a book to read while she waited for the prefect inside to finish up.

Less than five minutes later the door opened and she stood up, her face still in her book, then closed it and started when she found herself face to face with Malfoy, smelling clean and holding Quidditch robes under his arms.

"What were you doing in there Malfoy?" Hermione asked sharply. "You're not a prefect anymore," she added.

Malfoy looked back at her like she was dumb, a look she loathed, and said slowly, "I'm the Slytherin Quidditch captain Granger, and the last I checked I'm allowed to use your precious bathroom too."

"Oh," she responded lamely, "I didn't know that."

He quipped in a jeering tone, "There's something know-it-all Granger doesn't know? Alert the Prophet!"

"Shut up."

"You're just angry I beat you in Charms earlier," as he said this, he casually leaned his side against the door, waiting for her response.

"I am not Malfoy," Hermione bit back and crossed her arms, "and I was without my wand all summer, otherwise I would have demolished you."

Malfoy laughed out loud at her response, then said teasingly, still leaning against the door and blocking her way into the bathroom, "Whatever lies you need to tell yourself to feel better Granger."

"Whatever Malfoy," she responded, suddenly confused as to why he was still there. He seemed different too, like he was in a really good mood for some reason. Malfoy in a good mood was never a good sign. Since school had started he'd mostly been sulking around.

Maybe it was the flying. He was holding his Quidditch robes so he'd probably been flying all afternoon, that was probably why he'd skipped Runes. Harry would be in a similar goofy mood after flying from a long time away from the sport. She didn't get it.

He seemed to notice her scrutiny and stood up off of the door, "As much fun as this is, I've remembered I'd rather be literally anywhere else than here talking to you."

He turned to leave and she said to herself, "Of course…wouldn't want to sully your reputation talking to a Mudblood like me."

"You said it, not me," he yelled back at her, without turning back. Hermione glared at him and then saw him stop halfway down the hall and turn back to her.

He seemed surprised to find her standing there still, and yelled back, "I think it's probably the other way around. You not wanting to tarnish your innocent war hero reputation by fraternizing with a Death Eater."

His smile was more joking than cruel, so she couldn't help but smile back. What was wrong with him? When did Malfoy ever smile?

"Friendship? Between us? The castle would probably collapse." He didn't respond but turned with an unreadable expression down the corridor that led to the dungeons.

She stared after him confused for a few moments before turning into the bathroom. _What was that?_ she thought to herself as she started the taps and removed her clothes. Malfoy had started off with his normal taunts but by the end it felt more like teasing, bordering on friendly. What a disturbing thought.

Knowing him, this was probably part of a sinister plot to get information from her to help his side. She'd have to watch out for him since avoiding him this year while he shared almost all her classes was going to be impossible.

She pushed him from her thoughts for the rest of the night and tried instead to focus on the homework she was planning to get ahead on after her bath.

* * *

"Have they reached my side yet?" his mother was asking him as he studied the dark green veins climbing up her left arm and ending at the back of her shoulder.

"No," Draco responded quietly, trying to keep his voice calm as he panicked internally at the changes in her condition since last week.

"They end here," he said, placing his finger gently at a spot on the back of her shoulder. He covered her exposed arm with her robe then moved to inspect the other arm. "It seems to be the same on this side."

His mother didn't respond, but this was normal in his family, hiding true emotions to save face. Finished with his examination, he covered her up then pulled the blanket on the bed back up to her waist.

Then he flipped the blanket up from the other side exposing her pale legs, with dark green veins climbing up to below her knees. He quickly covered them back up, relieved that those veins seemed the same as when he last checked.

"And the feeling?" he asked tentatively.

"Still nothing," she answered curtly. He sat next to her on the bed, facing her with his head hung down.

"I haven't found anything more about how to reverse it." He was ashamed to admit it, but he knew she knew this, otherwise he would have started trying it the second he'd arrived today.

She picked up his head by the cheek and looked into his eyes, pleading again, "Draco, give this up and stay with me. I'd rather spend my last days with you than have you at that horrid school chasing a cure that doesn't exist."

"It does exist!" he looked determinedly back at her. "This was a spell, not a poison. So it can be undone!"

They had had this argument a hundred times before but he went into it again. "I found the spell in one of the books in our library and I know it matches. The symptoms, the incantation we both heard. I just don't know why it didn't break when he died! It makes no sense. There is something he did, something to make it stick, and when I find what it was, I'll be able to undo it."

His mother looked at him like he was a child in denial, and he thought that maybe he was, but he couldn't let her die from this terrible curse without trying everything in his power to stop it.

"I still don't know why I did it." She finally broke his gaze, and they had had this conversation a few times already, but he let her continue talking.

"I should have given that boy up. I just…" she was looking out the window, remembering that night in the forest. "I was so angry with the Dark Lord, I just wanted to see you, I wanted it to be over. And Potter, he had been killed but was still alive somehow. I figured then that he could probably end it all, and I guess I was right on that one."

She had saved Potter, but it had cost her more than she expected. As soon as Potter was resurrected and quickly disappeared, it was pandemonium.

During the struggle the Dark Lord grabbed his mother's arm and whispered an incantation, _Lentum Mortis_ and a dark green liquid left the Elder Wand and entered her skin through her wrist. Then he'd whispered to his mother, "You'll be dead in a year," and thrown her down to the ground and continued fighting.

After that Potter killed the Dark Lord and they all thought the spell the Dark Lord had cast would die with him. But his mother continued to get worse. The green climbed up her veins slowly and as a new area was infected it went numb.

By Draco's guess once the veins claimed her torso she would die as her organs failed. At the rate she was going he thought she had about six months, just under a year since the spell was cast.

First, he'd bribed one of the higher-ranking healers in St. Mungo's spell damage department to come see her. But she had been useless. She confirmed what he knew that without identifying the spell that had caused the damage and using the counter-curse there was nothing she could do for help.

She'd admitted that she had never seen this spell during her time as a healer, and with a little extra gold she spent the next week asking around St. Mungo's and looking through old records and confirmed they'd never seen the spell either.

Draco had spent the summer pouring over every dark book in the Manor to find the spell the Dark Lord had used. He rejoiced when he found a dark spell for a slow death with a description and incantation that matched perfectly. It had been a huge relief, since he'd initially feared it was something the Dark Lord had made up.

The problem was none of the counter curses listed in the book worked. He could feel a little of the liquid dissolve from her veins, but he didn't seem to have enough power to complete the reversal of the original spell. The spell was drawing power from something that was more powerful than Draco. He tried along with his mother, but it didn't really help. Then he'd called the healer back and tried the counter-curse with her, but that didn't work either.

His mother spoke, continuing from her train of thought earlier, and he refocused onto her.

"But it's not worth dwelling on. I got what I wanted, you safe. Who knows what would have happened had Potter actually died? His allies may have gone wild and you could have been hurt in the crossfire. It was worth it, Draco. And now all I want is to spend my last days with my son."

"These are not your last days mother. I will fix this. I just need to find the right book."

She looked at him doubtfully, and he pressed, "If I haven't solved it by Christmas break I'll stay home for good, okay?"

She smiled slowly, taking what she could get, "Thank you. Nessie!" she called, and a younger and taller than normal female house elf wearing a dress made from what looked like a tablecloth appeared.

"Yes Mistress?"

"Tea for me and Draco, in here. And bring those biscuits Draco likes with it."

The house elf nodded and apparated away, and Draco summoned a chair for himself so he wouldn't have to keep sitting on his mother's bed.

"I have to leave after this," Draco said apologetically.

"I figured."

"I want to stay." This wasn't a lie. Even with the terrible prospect of watching his mother die and sleeping in a house where the Dark Lord had killed and tortured many people, and planned the killing and torturing of countless more, he preferred his home to being at Hogwarts.

He didn't have to guard his expressions, check around every corridor for potential attacks, or deal with the depression that came from being around so many people who very badly didn't want him there and weren't afraid to make that fact known. He sighed.

"But I need to head back. With classes and Quidditch, the only chance I get in the library is the weekend."

She nodded, then said, "Tell me about your classes, Draco."

Draco hesitated, not sure where to start. "They're busy, I'm taking five N.E.W.T.s and I got really behind in sixth and seventh years, so I have a lot of catching up to do. Oh, and I was made Quidditch captain."

His mother's eyes widened. "So the world is getting closer to forgiving the Malfoys?"

He dropped his head to look at his hands in his lap. "Uh, no. Not really. You've done the best thing for that, but they still hate us. That one will take awhile."

She grabbed his chin with surprising force and pulled his head up so he was looking at her. "Tell me."

Draco considered lying, but he didn't have the strength, and talking to the one person who would understand, even if it was his mother who shouldn't be worrying about him, was what he needed.

He told her about the hate mail, the students confronting him in the hall, the whispers, his bag tearing as he walked to class, spilled potions, professors refusing to assign points, all of it.

When he stopped, Nessie handed them each a tea cup. He hadn't noticed her waiting for him to stop talking, then felt embarrassed a house elf had heard all of that, even though he knew she was bound to never repeat it.

His mother's look was sad, and he felt guilty for burdening her with the truth. "What of the other Slytherins?"

Draco shrugged. "They mostly ignore me. Blaise Zabini and Daphne Greengrass are the only ones who returned from my year and they are fine. But we were never really friends before. I eat with them, have a few classes with them, they don't give me a hard time, but that's all."

His mother nodded and they sipped their tea in silence for a while. When he stood to leave, she eventually spoke.

"Draco," he sat down in the chair to let her speak, "I am so sorry for the decisions your father and I made, and the terrible position you are finding yourself in as a result. But you need to stay strong, like I know you can. You are Draco Lucius Malfoy, descended from two of the most powerful wizarding families and sole heir to their fortunes.

"Beyond that, you are an extremely loyal, clever, and capable wizard and I am very proud of you. With time, the rest of the world will realize how much you have to offer and will be begging to consult with you, just like they did with your father before all of this."

Draco dipped his head, unsure if he'd be able to live up to this person his mother thought he was. She put her hand on his cheek then whispered, "I love you Draco, don't forget that."

Draco fought back tears, then placed his hand over hers and whispered, "I love you too. And I will find a cure."

She gave him a sad smile, then leaned back and closed her eyes. This conversation had exhausted her, but he hoped she had enough energy for one more thing. He checked his watch to make sure he had enough time.

"Where do you want to go today, mother?"

She sighed happily, still with her eyes closed, then looked at him after a while, "The summer house, outside of Brighton. Do you remember it?"

He considered for a moment, "Grey stone walls, green shutters, and a purple-ish roof, right?"

She nodded, then closed her eyes again, "There were stables in the yard too. That's where you learned to ride horses."

Draco grabbed his wand from the table, then lifted it to her head, concentrating hard on the stables he remembered. _Somnia Vera Facit_ , he muttered.

They stayed like that for a while, both with their eyes closed, enjoying an image only the two of them could see. After about ten minutes, Draco dropped his wand, out of breath.

"That's all I can manage right now," he apologized. He had invented this spell last year and still hadn't managed to keep it going for more than a few minutes without becoming completely drained.

"I'm not sure if I got the garden quite right, I don't remember it well."

She gripped his hand weakly and whispered, "It was perfect. Thank you."

He watched her for a few minutes as she drifted off to sleep, then Draco grabbed his bag and apparated back to Hogsmeade. He rushed through the long walk back to the castle, wiping tears from his eyes and feeling worse than anyone at Hogwarts had managed to make him feel so far. He was more determined than ever to read every book in the library if he had to to find what he needed to save his mother.

* * *

 _Arce Vestigum,_ Hermione muttered as she pointed her wand at a long list of names on an otherwise blank parchment. The names started moving around the page, but then returned to their spots in the original list after a few moments. Hermione went back to the book she was reading, _Making Magic: The Art of Creating New Spells._

After a few moments she drew a rudimentary image of a house on the side of the parchment and tried the incantation again. This time the names moved around and most of them moved so they were inside the house she'd drawn. She'd drawn the image small so the text had shrunk to fit and she could barely read them, but it had done exactly what she'd hoped.

She looked over the 10-15 names left outside of the house which included _Ginerva Weasley_ and _Luna Lovegood_.

"Yes!" Hermione popped out of her chair and did a dance, then looked around to be sure no one had seen. She was alone in the prefect office on a Saturday night, so she didn't have to fear anyone dropping by at this hour. She sat back down and looked at her parchment again.

She'd been working on this spell since school started to track which students were on campus and which were not. She thought it would be helpful in an emergency for prefects to know, especially since they had a lot of students of-age this year who were allowed to leave on the weekends.

Ginny was with Harry and Luna was with her father. She didn't know about many of the others on the list though so she couldn't be completely sure her spell had worked.

 _Anthony Goldstein_ was listed, and she thought she remembered him telling her something about visiting home. And there was _Draco Malfoy_. He usually spent the weekends in the library but she hadn't seen him today, so maybe the spell was working.

As she looked at his name it started to shrink then squeeze itself into the little house. She rushed out of the classroom to the stairs toward the Entrance Hall, which were only two corridors down. She was out of breath when she reached the banister and looked down, disappointed, at the sight of an empty foyer.

"Malfoy?" she called, as she walked down the stairs. She jumped when she saw him leaning against the wall near the vials that counted house points. At that angle he'd been out of sight from the top of the banister.

"Following me Granger?" he said coldly, not removing his gaze from the new vials of potion.

"No."

"So why did you come running in here yelling my name?" he arched an eyebrow in her direction and she ignored him, too happy to be put off by the moody Slytherin. It appeared her spell had worked.

"Did you just arrive?" she asked.

"That's none of your business," but she could see from his cloak and bag that he'd been travelling. His cheeks were a little rosy too, probably from warming up inside after walking in the cold.

As she got closer to him she noticed how awful he looked. His eyes were bloodshot, and she wondered if he'd been crying. She looked away from him, suddenly embarrassed.

Malfoy started to turn away from her toward the door to the dungeons, but she called back at him, remembering something she'd been meaning to do since their Charms class earlier in the week. "Malfoy."

He turned back and looked at her with dead eyes.

"20 points to Slytherin," she said, and a group of green droplets rained to the pool of liquid at the bottom of the Slytherin vial next to him.

Malfoy looked back at her confused but didn't say anything.

"You deserved those, for winning in Charms. We both know Professor Flitwick was about to award those to the winner."

He nodded, but didn't say anything or move, so she kept speaking to try to break the awkward silence, "It was better when it was gems, wasn't it? Floating potion is so much less," she paused, looking for the right word.

"Satisfying," he answered for her.

She gave him a small smile, but he just shook his head, muttering under his breath. She thought she heard him say "Gryffindors" and "goodie-two-shoes" before he disappeared behind the door to the dungeons.

Hermione walked back up the stairs and returned to the empty room with her parchment. She'd start a new one, cleaner, and with a larger picture of a house. And then she wanted to test splitting the names between four parchments, one for each Hogwarts house.

* * *

Powered by images of his mother's defeated expression, Draco spent the entire Sunday in the library researching spell theory. He must have read everything the library had on spells from creating spells, casting spells, saying incantations, and spell permanence before he came across a passage in a basic spell book that made his heart jump,

_Generally speaking, all spells cast with a wand break when the caster dies. There are exceptions in the case where the spell is cast with an unusually powerful emotion or an unusually powerful wand. In this case a spell may last past the caster's death, though this idea is anecdotal and there has been no concrete study to confirm this theory._

Draco had almost skipped this book, since it was a basic textbook and the author liked to ramble, but it was the first time he'd come across this theory. He guessed most books skipped it since it was unproven.

Was this what had happened? Voldemort did have the Elder Wand at the time, and he had been particularly angry with his mother when casting the spell. Maybe that was why it stuck.

With a renewed energy he switched to books on wandlore. He cursed himself a little for not thinking of it sooner. He was convinced Voldemort had done something specific to make the spell permanent and hadn't considered the wand at all.

He pulled a few books on wandlore off the shelves and was reading for a few hours before he found anything helpful. It was a passage on permanent spells.

_In rare cases powerful wands have been said to be able to cast permanent spells. This is a misnomer. The spells are not permanent, they just cannot be broken by any other wand than the one that cast it, and in some cases only work when the wand is loyal to the user. This is why the spells seem permanent to most others, which is where this terminology developed._

Draco's initial glee at discovering the cure for his mother's illness left quickly and his stomach turned as he remembered who the current owner of the Elder Wand was.

"Well fuck," he muttered to himself, pushing his chair back and rubbing his temples, finally forced to think about the person he least wanted to include in this situation. _Harry fucking Potter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for following and reviewing. Exposition is almost over so there will be a lot more Draco / Hermione scenes coming!


	4. Partners

**Chapter 4 - Partners**

Malfoy was staring at her, Hermione was sure of it now. He had been staring at her since the week started. Not menacingly, more like he was trying to solve a problem and she had the answer. It was very unnerving.

Usually when Malfoy taunted her he had no shame, but every time she noticed him staring he'd look away suddenly and pretend he hadn't been looking in the first place.

Was it because of the incident in the entryway? Was he insulted by her giving him points? That couldn't have been it. That was so minor, especially compared to how other students had been treating him.

They were currently in Arithmancy, which was a very small class with just herself, Anthony Goldstein and Terry Boot from Ravenclaw, and Malfoy and Daphne Greengrass from Slytherin.

It was Hermione's favorite class and she had been very annoyed to find Malfoy in it with her. She was also annoyed since he had now taken to staring at her through the lecture, maybe as a means to distress her. Well if that was his plan, it was working.

"…unfortunately it won't work out this year, given our odd number," Professor Vector was saying a little disappointed. "It is so fun to be able to assign harder assignments in partners and give you a chance to see Arithmancy from another perspective, but it won't be fair to work with one person alone. Or worse, a team of three. There is always someone in that situation who gets away with much less learning."

Hermione was bummed they wouldn't get to work in pairs, but thought it was probably for the best. She'd end up with Malfoy with her luck. _The castle would collapse,_ she had said when he mentioned them being friendly, and she figured that would be the general result if they were assigned to work together all term.

She forced her mind back to Arithmancy. Malfoy was on her mind way too much this year and she didn't want to be like Harry had been sixth year, so crazed by his obsession with Malfoy that he'd attacked him with a dark curse. She shook her head.

After class Hermione decided to confront Malfoy. As soon as Anthony and Terry left she walked up bravely to the table he shared with Daphne. The blonde witch looked over at Hermione with a disinterested stare when she approached their table.

"You need to stop," Hermione said curtly and Malfoy looked back at her like she was mental.

"What are you talking about?"

"Staring at me."

Daphne snorted at this, and Malfoy replied incredulously, "Why on earth would I be staring at _you_?"

"I don't know," Hermione responded angrily, "but you have been and I've had enough. So stop. And don't think I haven't noticed you trying to read every book in the library. You're up to something, but for once I don't care. Just leave me out of it."

She turned on her toe, hoping that now that he knew she'd noticed him he would stop. She heard him mutter something that sounded like "princess" to Daphne, who laughed back, then she quickened her pace so she would be far ahead of them on the way to the Dining Hall.

* * *

Draco and Daphne were studying together in the Slytherin common room. Blaise and Daphne were still the only other students at the school who tolerated Draco's presence, but he didn't mind much anymore. He figured the Slytherins would get over their animosity toward him as soon as the Quidditch season started up.

He already had more time for Quidditch than he'd originally thought since he didn't have to spend so much time in the library anymore. But even though he knew exactly what he needed to do to help his mother, he wasn't any closer to doing so since it required getting the Elder Wand from Potter.

Draco's first thought was to go to Potter and tell him the problem and get Potter to remove the spell himself. He knew Potter would feel obligated to do it, especially since his mother had received the illness as a result of saving his arse in the forest. But he quickly pushed that idea to the back of his mind.

 _You haven't done anything of note your entire life, you're pathetic._ Granger's words from the train continued to haunt him, since they were true.

This was his chance to do something and prove to himself that he was capable of helping his family. So that left stealing the wand, then getting possession of the wand so it would work for him. But first he had to find out where the wand was.

Best case scenario, Potter was using the wand. In that instance, Draco could trail him and attack him when he was alone, then get possession of the wand and steal it at the same time.

But something told him Potter wasn't using the all-powerful unbeatable wand, that would be a very Potter thing to do. It was easy enough to check on. Potter was going to be at Hogwarts in a few weeks to teach a Defense Against the Dark Arts session. The entire school had been gushing over it. _Fucking Potter._

Draco planned to attend to see if he was using the Elder wand. Though he'd have to be exceptionally snarky in class, so Potter didn't take Draco's attendance as some form of admiration or something.

In the likely scenario that Potter wasn't actively using the wand, that meant the wand was hidden somewhere. Maybe Potter's house or the Ministry, or maybe Gringotts, but Draco really hoped not. He was sure Granger knew where it was since she was with Potter all the time. The hiding place was likely her idea since she seemed to be the only one in their group with any brain cells.

And that was why Draco couldn't help but stare at Granger, trying to figure out how to get the information he needed from her. He was annoyed that she'd noticed and now he had to lay low.

Draco was at a huge loss for how to get information from Granger. Bribery was always his first strategy, but he knew that wouldn't work. Flattery had also worked for him in the past but that was definitely not going to work here either, and he didn't know if he was that desperate yet anyway.

Force could work. He'd used the Imperius curse on Madam Rosmerta. But he wasn't too keen on casting an unforgivable curse on the world's most popular muggle-born so soon after narrowly avoiding Azkaban.

The only reason they hadn't counted the last one against him was because he had been so young. But he was of age now. Draco also suspected Granger would be able to throw it off.

That just left Veritaserum and Legilimency. Unfortunately, he had no access to the truth potion and could not be seen buying something like that right now. And he'd only tried Legilimency twice before and wasn't skilled enough to perform it on Granger unnoticed.

Plus, he never saw Granger alone, that was another problem. When was he going to spend time with this witch who hated him? He had no idea where to start.

"I can't do this. It takes me twice as long to do Arithmancy homework than all my other assignments," Daphne exclaimed, and Draco turned to look at her.

"Did you use my spell?"

She huffed back annoyed, "It's not working for me. I like working it out by hand anyway, it's just-" she seemed to catch his disinterested glare and trailed off, remembering that she didn't really like him.

Draco didn't care about Daphne's struggle with Arithmancy, but a plan was starting to form in his mind, a way he could get closer to Granger. He put down his book and tried to get her to keep talking.

"Why are you taking Arithmancy then? I thought you wanted to be a Healer. You don't need a N.E.W.T. in Arithmancy for that."

Daphne looked back at him suspiciously, and he picked up his parchment and made a show of using his spell to quickly solve the next problem. She seemed extra annoyed by this, then started thinking aloud, "I could drop it. It would give me so much more time."

Draco hummed back at her noncommittally, hoping she'd get there on her own. This would be the opening he needed. With an even number of students Professor Vector would probably assign partners and if he could find a way to work with Granger, he would have a chance to meet with her alone all term.

Then he could figure out a way to get the information out of her, somehow. But he was getting ahead of himself, he needed Daphne to drop the class first. He made his final attempt.

"We're already two weeks in and you've been bitching about the homework non-stop. It's just going to get worse, so you should drop it early. You don't even need this class."

She looked back at him, considering, then Blaise sat down next to them and put his hands behind his head. Now here was a wizard who certainly did not have any issues finishing his homework. Blaise was only taking three classes and he cheated off Draco and Daphne for most of the assignments.

"I think I'm going to drop Arithmancy," Daphne told Blaise.

"Good," Blaise replied. "Malfoy should drop it too. You both spend way too much time on classes. It's our last year, I've had to start hanging out with Montgomery and Jones. Talk about desperation."

He said the last sentence under his breath, since the blokes in question were just across the room. "Those two actually think-"

Blaise stopped talking when a small raven-haired girl with large dark eyes approached them and sat in the empty chair next to Daphne. Draco didn't recognize her, so figured she must be a first year.

"We are in the middle of a conversation here," Blaise said to the girl, "so please leave."

The girl stayed, then said boldly, "You're the eldest prefect in our house, so you're supposed to help us when we need it, right?"

Blaise looked at Draco incredulously, but Draco just smirked and went back to his Arithmancy assignment, thanking McGonagall silently for not making him a prefect again.

"Well what do you need then?" Blaise said rudely, "Spit it out."

The girl continued, unphased by Blaise's obvious lack of interest, "The first years are all getting bullied for no fault of our own," she stopped to glare at Draco, but he continued to ignore her.

"I mean, we weren't even here last year. It's not our fault Slytherins were treated better or that no one from the house stayed on to fight in the final battle. But every house is taking it out on us."

Blaise shrugged, "If you expect me to fix everyone's animosity toward our house, that is outside the scope of my responsibilities."

"That's not what we need. We need to defend ourselves," she looked to the side and Draco saw a group of about ten first years watching her. He guessed they'd nominated her to come over for this difficult conversation. He secretly thought they'd made the right choice; this little girl was feisty.

"Sure," Blaise said, "Good idea. Defend yourselves, show them that no one messes with Slytherin and gets away with it. But no unforgivables," he added with a sly grin, "We need to distance ourselves from those for a little while…"

The girl sighed, not impressed with his joke. "We don't know how to defend ourselves, that's why we need help. We just barely learned how to light our wands."

"If you can't do any spells then I doubt your opponents can. Just drop your wand and hit them," Blaise said.

The girl sighed again and rolled her eyes, "It's not just first years attacking us."

"Why would older students attack first years?" Daphne cut in.

The girl shrugged, "Because we can't fight back, I guess. Maybe to piss you all off," she glared at Draco again, "but it's not like you care."

Daphne nodded, not afraid to admit that this was true.

"Well just think about it," the dark-haired girl finished. "Our house is a laughingstock and we could use your help if you could spare time from your busy schedule," she said the last part sarcastically, then left them alone.

Blaise watched her go back to the group of first years with narrow eyes, then muttered to Draco. "Do I have to help them? Is that part of the prefect thing?"

Draco shrugged, "You're not the only prefect in this house, get someone else to deal with it."

Blaise nodded, "Brilliant. Hey Daphne, how do you think your sister would feel about helping some first years stick up for themselves?"

Daphne shook her head, then gave Draco a mean smile, "She'll do it, just don't have him," she nodded at Draco, "be the one to ask her."

Draco rolled his eyes, not interested in getting involved in the first year's problems anyway. He had plenty of problems of his own.

* * *

"You've probably noticed that Miss Greengrass is no longer in this class, so we will be able to have you pair off this term after all," Professor Vector was making this announcement with a smile on her face, and Hermione whipped around to the table in the back where Daphne usually sat with Malfoy.

She hadn't noticed the empty seat until now since she tried to avoid looking in the Slytherins' direction as much as possible. _Please not Malfoy, please not Malfoy, please not Malfoy_ , Hermione began chanting to herself when she realized where this announcement was going.

"I'll be assigning more challenging projects since you'll be working in pairs and I'm pleased to see what you come up with. Mr. Malfoy, if you could move to the empty spot beside Miss Granger, we'll be working in these pairs. She gestured to Anthony and Terry, who were already sitting next to each other, and then Malfoy and Hermione.

Hermione's stomach dropped. She looked over at Malfoy, who was bending to grab his bag. She couldn't read his expression, he had the ability to hide his thoughts when he wanted to and she wondered what he was thinking being paired with a muggle-born. At that thought Hermione began forming a plan for getting out of working with him, she'd just need to speak to Professor Vector and explain that a lot of the wounds from the war were still fresh and pairing a Death Eater with a muggle-born may not be the best idea.

Surely Terry or Anthony would have less animosity toward Malfoy. It probably wouldn't work, since Professor Vector was very strict and typically didn't change her mind, but it would be worth a try. Malfoy didn't look at Hermione the entire class, and she made sure not to acknowledge him either.

Once class ended Hermione heard Terry and Anthony planning out a time to work on their first assignment, but Malfoy rushed off before they could have the same conversation. She didn't care, if she got her way, they wouldn't be partners for much longer.

Hermione approached Professor Vector who was grading papers at her desk and didn't notice her approach. "Professor?" Hermione interrupted kindly.

"Oh, hello Miss Granger," Professor Vector started when she noticed her standing there, "I didn't see you there. How can I help you?"

"It's the partner assignments, I was wondering if I could work with someone else. Malfoy and I have a- uh- a history. And I think it would get in the way of-"

She was suddenly embarrassed and wished she should just say: _He was a Death Eater and called me a Mudblood for years, then his aunt tortured me in his house a few months ago while he watched._

"I know about your past dear," Hermione was relieved. "And when I went to set partners I had you with Mr. Boot, trying to be delicate to your…relationship with Mr. Malfoy."

Hermione would not have used that particular word to describe it and tried to keep from wincing. "But Mr. Malfoy came to talk to me yesterday and requested you as a partner."

"He what?!" Hermione couldn't believe her ears. Why would Malfoy request her? It made no sense.

Professor Vector continued, "He's trying to right past wrongs, and it would be nice if you could give him a chance. Plus, you're both incredibly gifted at the subject and a part of me is very eager to see what you two can accomplish together."

Hermione didn't know what to say. Her main argument was that Malfoy would hate her and treat her poorly, but apparently he'd already been to Professor Vector and fed her some bullshit about being reformed. Why would he do that?

"But Professor-"

"Miss Granger, I've already made up my mind on this. You must at least try to work with him."

Hermione nodded, knowing this conversation was over, then left the classroom.

One benefit (well so far the _only_ benefit) of having all of her classes with Malfoy was she knew where to find him right now. They both had Charms in ten minutes.

She rushed off toward the classroom and saw his white blonde head walking slowly to class. "Malfoy!" she yelled, and he turned, along with a couple of other students, obviously interested in what the two had to say.

She lowered her voice when she caught up with him so they wouldn't be overheard. "Why did you request me as your partner? What are you up to?"

He looked back at her confused but before he could respond with denial, she added, "I talked to Professor Vector, so don't try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

Malfoy looked at her with an unreadable expression, then said casually, "Daphne told me she was dropping the class and I knew that meant we'd do the partner thing. I asked to be your partner because I knew you'd probably just run off and do all our work yourself instead of having to work with me. Then I'd get out of having to do any homework in that class this term. I need the extra time for Quidditch."

Hermione looked at him incredulously, appalled by his brazen admission, and not quite sure if she believed it. Though it did seem like a very Slytherin thing to do. "I am not going to let you skive off work, you will be doing exactly 50% of every assignment, or else I'll hex you, and dock points."

"Okay, then we should probably set a time to meet." Hermione was a little surprised by how quickly he gave in but pulled out her planner anyway. She was holding it open in her hand and checking for a free spot around prefect meetings and classes. "Tonight?" she asked.

"No, I have Quidditch," Malfoy responded quickly. Hermione rolled her eyes, then looked back at her planner for another open spot, "How about tomorrow night?"

"Isn't that your birthday?" she was annoyed to see Malfoy leaning over and peeking at her planner and was embarrassed he'd spotted the picture of balloons and a birthday cake she had drawn to mark the day. She pulled the planner toward her so he couldn't see and glared at him, and he smirked and leaned away.

"Mind your business," she spat, then went back to her planner. "Sunday at five then, that's the only other time I have."

"Fine," Malfoy responded, then Hermione shoved her planner back in her bag and walked toward the Charms classroom. Malfoy caught up to her and awkwardly walked a few paces behind her the rest of the way to class.

He looked smug and Hermione was sure he was up to something, but she couldn't tell what it was. He noticed her looking at him but didn't say anything, then they quietly took chairs on opposite sides of the class. Ginny gave her a questioning look and Hermione whispered back, "I'll tell you later."

* * *

"I only have an hour," Granger said sharply as she sat down next to Draco in the library.

"Yes, we all know you have a packed social calendar," Draco snapped back, turning his wand clockwise to set a timer. It vibrated slightly confirming the hour timer had started.

Granger looked at the wand strangely, probably confused by the spell since he'd made it up so she wouldn't have seen it in any of her books. "Mind your business," she snapped, "I still don't know what you were thinking requesting we work together."

Draco didn't respond. He was annoyed she had spoken to Professor Vector after class the other day, probably trying to get another partner. He hadn't banked on that and now Granger knew he'd requested her. He thought she would think it was a random assignment. He would just have to slow down and avoid making any advances for a few sessions until she dropped her guard.

"We have to find each other's character numbers – easy." Draco was reading their assignment out loud from his notes, "then we need to use those to foretell how the two of us will get on for the rest of term."

He looked up at Granger with a sardonic grin, "I don't think we need Arithmancy for that last part. What did you say before? 'The castle would collapse?' We should try to work that bit in."

"I said that would happen if we were ever friendly," Granger corrected him. "That will not be happening, so the castle will be fine."

She looked back at her notes, probably trying to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Seemingly satisfied, she pulled her Arithmancy text from her bag and opened it to a marked page. "I meant to do my character number earlier today but didn't get a chance, so let's just get those over with quickly." Granger pulled out a blank parchment and wrote her name out two different ways, one below the other.

_Hermione Granger_

_Hermione Jean Granger_

She then started mapping each letter to a number, collapsing down to find the character number that resulted from each of the two names. Draco watched her for a few moments before saying unkindly, "Is that really how you do Arithmancy?"

Granger looked up at him as if she was surprised to find him there, then pulled the parchment closer, "Of course, this is the method we were taught." She went back to calculating numbers and ended up with a series for each name after a few minutes. She added to her parchment:

_Hermione Granger, Character: 4, Heart: 4, Social: 9_

_Hermione Jean Granger, Character: 7, Heart: 1, Social: 6_

Draco couldn't help but chuckle at this point. How had she done so well in school with such rudimentary methods?

"What?" Granger glared back at him. "Can you get started on yours? I don't want to be here all night."

"So you're not joking, that's really how you do it?" Draco liked teasing her, she was fun to rile up.

"What are you talking about Malfoy? This is the method. If you have some superior method, please show me." She said this sarcastically, like he couldn't possibly know something better than the book. Draco took a blank parchment and looked at her like she was about to see something remarkable and wrote first:

_Draco_

Then he grabbed his wand from the table and closed his eyes, before adding _Malfoy_ after. Then he wrote three squiggle symbols next to the name and tapped them with his wand one at a time while muttering an incantation under his breath. Each squiggle reformed into a different number next to his name as he spoke.

_Draco Malfoy, 5 5 9_

He looked up at Granger then, who was too stunned to speak and waited satisfied for her reaction.

"How did you do that? Is it correct?"

Draco didn't reply but quickly wrote _Hermione Jean Granger_ and _Hermione Granger_ on his own parchment, then three squiggles next to each name. In less than a minute he had the same numbers it had taken Granger ten times as long to calculate.

"Where did you find that spell? Why isn't it in any of our books?" Draco could tell she was annoyed. Probably thinking about all the hours that spell would have saved her had she known about it.

"I made it up," he said simply.

"No you didn't," Granger replied, very sure of herself.

"I got tired of doing calculations by hand over and over again, so I made a spell that does them for me." He was really enjoying this, first beating her in Charms, then in Arithmancy, this felt good.

Granger didn't press him further and Draco could tell she was dying to ask him about the spell, but clearly her pride was too great and she said instead, "Let's move on. Are you going to do your full name?"

"No, this is the right one."

"How do you know?"

"Magic," he responded sarcastically. Though he had used magic. He always did with Arithmancy. There were usually multiple ways to spell out a person or a place and they would give you different numbers. That was why you had to use the one that felt right to get an accurate reading.

"What's your method? Use all of the possible combinations then check which one makes the most sense?" Draco challenged Granger and by her blush he could tell he was right.

"Wait really?" he was impressed and disappointed at the same time. She must have taken hours and hours to complete any assignment, but her methods didn't use magic at all, only logic. Muggles could do Arithmancy like that.

"But that's how muggles do it, and you claim to be a witch," Draco pointed out.

"Oh sod off Malfoy, I am a witch and I do it the way it makes sense to me."

"But you're just relying on logic and already knowing what happens. If you were to actually do Arithmancy you need a feeling of the future, you won't always know what ends up making the most sense."

"So you expect me to believe you just feel which is most correct and go with it?"

"Yes," Draco answered simply, and Granger looked back at him incredulously, but decided to move on. "Well let's see what we get and pick whichever of yours is most convenient," he said glibly.

They both turned to their textbook, checking their character, heart, and social numbers.

_Four is the number of logic and reasoning. If you have received this number, you have above average intelligence and like to solve problems. Another strong personality trait is that of endurance; you can survive anything life throws at you._

"I'd say four for you, Hermione Granger." She looked at him and he continued on, "Definitely not your full name," he said, laughing to himself. "Mystic, occult. I think not…" Granger looked back at him a little surprised, then nodded, and crossed off the _Hermione Jean Granger_ row.

"We both got nine for social, which is a little odd," Granger said, "So now we have to make a prediction about the term." She continued reading the explanations of each number from the book, then started jotting notes on her parchment.

"We both have the same numbers for our character and heart, which means we both have a high level of self-awareness and our hidden selves and true selves are the same. Would you agree with that assessment?"

She looked at him, and Draco nodded. "Okay," she continued, "so when it comes to our partnership, we may be able to respect each other's sense of self, but our opinions will differ since our true characters are different. Mine is tied to logic, reason, and intelligence and yours is tied to pleasure, adventure, and human senses. How – bacchanalian, Malfoy."

Draco sneered back at her and she continued, "We will likely fight," he snorted at this but she just smiled, "particularly when it comes to how we vary in our decision making. How does that sound?"

"Lovely," he was leaning back, glad to see Granger doing the work but she noticed then and snapped.

"You do the next bit. 50%, remember?"

Draco pulled her parchment toward him and picked up his quill, giving her a scowl. "Well we both share our social number, nine, meaning the face we try to show the outside world is one of wisdom, charity, and understanding. So we should be able to see eye to eye on that one, unless our ultimate…core values are not aligned."

Granger scoffed, and he just glared at her. "Are you sure nine is correct for you? We should try adding your middle name."

Draco was annoyed, "And what about nine seems so preposterous?"

Graner began reading: "'Nine is the number of wisdom. Those who receive nine are wise beyond their years. They are charitable and able to look past people's shortcomings.'"

At this she paused and glared at him, but he didn't respond, so she continued. "'Number nines know that we are all human; they do not discriminate against any race, culture, or creed. If you have received number nine you want to make the world a better place.'" She stopped and then and when Draco didn't respond said, "You're kidding, right?"

"What? It's not my character number, just the persona I aim to show the world. I think it's pretty aligned with my family's values. We are very charitable and wise." He decided to ignore the part about not discriminating.

"It's not your true character either. You're all about logic and reason, but you want everyone to think you're very charitable and trying to save the world, so you should understand the distinction."

At this Draco's wand started vibrating and he touched it to get it to stop.

"What was that?" Granger asked interested.

"The hour is up, didn't you have to go?"

"I'm supposed to meet Ginny for dinner," she said, but she didn't make any moves to leave, apparently not ready to give up on their argument yet. "It's not just a persona for me, trying to help people. And that's the difference between us. But I guess you already captured it with different- what did you say? – 'core values' so I think this will work." She motioned at the parchment they had both contributed too, then started rolling it up.

Granger went to place the parchment in her bag, then gave Draco a questioning look, as if to ask if he minded her keeping it, but he just shrugged, it wasn't like she was going to lose an assignment. It'd be safer with her than in Gringotts given how seriously she took her school work.

Draco put his Arithmancy text book back in his bag and sighed heavily. Working with Granger wasn't as bad as he thought. She was judgmental as hell, but it could have gone much worse. He still wasn't sure how their tentative conversations about Arithmancy would turn to her telling him where Potter was keeping the Elder Wand, but he figured the more time spent with her the more likely he could find a way to get it out of her.

Draco looked back at Granger and she looked like she was trying to decide something. He ignored her, then pulled out his Runes textbook. He was still avoiding the Dining Hall as much as possible so he'd grab dinner later if he was hungry. Plus, he had to finish the Runes assignment due the next day anyway. "Aren't you leaving Granger?" he asked, she was just looking at him confused and it was unnerving since she usually always had something to say.

"I haven't finished that assignment either," Granger pointed to his Runes book.

"Well then stop staring at me and get your book out, I'm not going to do it for you," Draco retorted.

She gave him the strangest look, then paused for a long time. He wondered what she was thinking and bit his tongue so he didn't insult her while she was considering him. After a few more moments of awkward silence she grabbed her book out of her bag and laid it out next to his.

* * *

"This passage is clearly referring to an alchemical transformation." Malfoy was saying, but Hermione did not agree.

"No way, how do you get that from some mentions of owls and wolves in a forest?"

"Oh, come on, how did you miss the colors, Granger? I thought you were supposed to be bright." Hermione was getting annoyed when he said that every time she missed something he caught.

He went on, "The colors appear in a particular order, black sky, white owl flying overhead, yellow streaks of stars falling, then a red wolf. What are the chances these colors would appear in that exact order as the four stages of an alchemical transformation?"

He looked at her and she looked back thoughtfully, "You're right. I didn't even think of that."

Malfoy was surprised and looked way too pleased with himself. "Call the Prophet, Granger admitted she was wrong. That's the second time this week, I think. I should start keeping track."

"Oh shut up. And I didn't say I was wrong, I just hadn't found that bit of symbolism, yet," she added.

He smirked back at her but didn't say anything else. Hermione was surprised to find she was enjoying studying with Malfoy. He was annoying and would make fun of her every chance he got, but he had a lot of insights she missed, and she had a lot he missed, and they actually worked well together.

She hadn't worked with an intellectual equal in a long time (well, ever) and was really enjoying it. Malfoy's wand vibrated again, and she was surprised another hour had passed so quickly. She also wondered about that spell and if it was another one he had invented, but she didn't want to ask.

She was impressed though. She hadn't invented a new spell until this year. But after working with Malfoy for just two hours she'd discovered two unique spells that he seemed to have been using for ages. She wondered what other spells he'd made up.

He touched his wand and it stopped vibrating, then he leaned back and stretched his arms, then stood up and started packing his books into his bag. Hermione followed suit, "How do you know so much about Alchemy?"

He looked back at her like he wasn't going to answer, then said, "I don't know, I've always found it interesting. I tried to take it, but there wasn't enough interest for them to teach it this year."

Hermione nodded. She herself was not interested, she'd had enough of the sorcerer's stone in her first year, but she was impressed with Malfoy researching it on his own. It was a tricky subject and she had never thought of him as a scholar, especially with friends like Crabbe and Goyle.

They walked out of the library and down the end of the hall together in silence, she thought he was probably just as surprised by their friendly interaction as she was, though you'd never guess it from his unreadable face.

At the stairs toward the dungeon Malfoy looked at her questioningly when she continued walking with him, "Where are you going?"

Hermione didn't want to tell him, then reasoned it really wasn't a big deal, it wasn't like he could get into her room. Or would want to. "My room is down here, the Head Girl and Boy rooms in the towers were destroyed in the battle."

"Oh. Are you in the one behind the tea scene or the battle scene?" Hermione didn't answer and wondered how he knew which were Anthony and her rooms. Before she could get there on her own he explained, "I was Head Boy last year."

 _Duh, Hermione._ He was a Death Eater and Snape was Headmaster, of course he was Head Boy. Pansy was probably Head Girl and that thought made Hermione cringe. "Which room were you in?" she asked casually, hoping it wasn't hers.

"The battle scene," he answered, stopping to study her reaction. She must have given away an expression of relief, she was never good at hiding her emotions, because he smirked and added, "Don't be too relieved. I spent plenty of nights sleeping in your bed too."

Hermione took a second to catch his meaning, then recoiled. "I did not need to know that." He just smirked and continued walking. So she'd been right about Pansy being Head Girl. Gross.

Hermione looked back over at Malfoy and noticed his smirk had been replaced by a haunted look. Was that from thinking about last year? She wondered suddenly how that year was for him on the other side, and before she could stop herself she'd asked, "What was it like last year?"

He stopped and looked at her, clearly irritated by her question. Hermione wished she could take it back. "I'm sure your friends have told you," he snapped.

"Well I've heard from their perspective…" she trailed off. Feeling stupid for getting herself into this awkward conversation.

"And now that you've heard from the victims, you'd like to hear from me. How I loved torturing students. Got off on giving detentions to terrified first-years knowing they'd be completely unable to defend themselves against the Carrows. How I'm desperate to find a time-turner so I can get back to that time." Malfoy looked at her harshly, waiting for her response.

"I didn't," Hermione started, unsure what to say, "I don't think that about you," she finished in a soft voice.

"Why not?" he stared at her intensely, just like he had on the train, and she struggled to maintain eye contact. Normal people didn't stare like this, like they were trying to read the answers straight from your gaze. It was unsettling.

"I don't know." But hadn't last year been Malfoy's dream? She recommitted to her original train of thought. "It's what you wanted, right? Muggle-borns gone from the school, your favorite teacher in charge. I'm sure you were able to do whatever you wanted." Hermione's voice trailed off.

Malfoy grew completely still and glared at her with the most hate she thought she'd ever seen on his face, and that was saying a lot for him. "Where the hell do you think you get the right to judge everyone you meet?" he spat.

"I am not judging, I was just pointing out-"

"You assume I'm evil and you know nothing about me or what I've been through-"

"I don't assume Malfoy, I know. I've known you for years and you've been hateful and terrible to me and my friends since the beginning."

"Yes and you all have been nothing but nice in return."

"We treated you badly because you're a git, not because of something you can't control, like the family you were born into."

"Well now you're treating me like shit because I was forced to serve on the wrong side of the war, how is that different?"

"You had a choice-"

"I didn't! I was given the choice to switch sides once in the war, then before I could make that decision it was taken from me. You and your fucking friends are so proud of yourselves for being 'tolerant' and 'kind' but when really challenged you're just as biased as the rest of us."

Hermione stared at him, shocked by his admission. Did Malfoy mean to say he'd wanted to switch sides when Dumbledore had offered him protection?

He looked away from her and she noticed he had his wand in his hand. Hers was in her bag and she instantly regretted keeping it out of reach, she wouldn't make the mistake again if she found herself alone with Malfoy.

"I know you've been treated unfairly since the term started," Hermione said eventually, and he huffed in response, "but I'm not the same as the rest of the students here. I don't think you're evil. And I'm sorry for whatever you went through," she added quietly.

He stared at her and she returned his piercing gaze. After a time he whispered, "Don't bother Granger, I don't want your pity. You're…nothing."

She glared back at him, affronted by the unexpected retort and responded, "Then I don't know what I was thinking, feeling bad for you. Whatever 'pain and suffering' you went through in the war was no more than exactly what you deserved for being a heartless, unfeeling, evil prick."

He continued to glare at her for a few more moments, then turned sharply down the corridor to the Slytherin common room, leaving her alone and angry.

Hermione turned back to her room, then entered the portrait behind the tea scene to find Ginny waiting for her. She was still flushed from her argument with Malfoy and Ginny noticed, "What happened?"

Hermione sat next to her and saw a sandwich and apple on the table. "Also, you missed dinner, so I brought you this. Where were you?"

"With Malfoy."

"Oh, your first meeting together?" Ginny asked knowingly. "How many times did you hex each other?"

"None," Hermione responded, picking up the sandwich, "But that's because my wand was in my bag, I'll keep it closer next time."

"Why don't you just do the assignments yourself?" Ginny asked. "That's got to be better than spending time with that git."

That was what Malfoy had claimed he wanted, but the part where they were working on lessons wasn't bad, it was just the part at the end when she tried to talk about real stuff. That had been a mistake, she didn't know what had come over her.

She would stick to just school next time. If there was a next time. He seemed really angry and maybe she'd get lucky and he wouldn't come to their next session.

"I don't want to talk about Malfoy anymore," Hermione said, then took a bite of her sandwich. Ginny took the opportunity to dive into her detailed plan for Quidditch tryouts next week and Hermione let her talk, unable to keep her thoughts from drifting back to Malfoy.

He said he'd never had a real chance to switch sides, implying that he'd wanted to. Hermione shook her head, then forced her focus back on Ginny. She did not care about Malfoy and needed to stop letting him get into her head. She'd have to be more careful the next time she met with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the deep-dive into Arithmancy in this chapter wasn't too dull for everyone. I ended up researching it for hours to figure out what the heck it was then felt like I had to use what I learned... :)


	5. Quidditch Tryouts

**Chapter 5 – Quidditch Tryouts**

Draco slammed the locker door shut harder than necessary, cursing McGonagall for tricking him into taking the post as Slytherin Quidditch captain. Perhaps this had been some ploy to embarrass him further, maybe all the other professors were in on it too. The Ravenclots threatening him after class could have been part of the scheme, maybe they'd known he would take the job after they told him not to.

_Now you're sounding like a madman._

Draco sighed heavily, then Blaise interrupted, "It's not the locker's fault tryouts went so horribly mate."

Draco glared at him, "Since when are we mates?"

Blaise shrugged, then continued, "It could have been worse."

"Right," Draco said sarcastically, "I could have had just you show up. Instead I had six people try out. Six! And three of them were first years who could barely hold a broom!"

Blaise backed away, barely hiding his grin, "Yeah, you don't need recap for me, I was there."

Draco pulled a clean shirt on, then sat on the bench in front of his locker. "So we have a seeker," he pointed to himself, "a chaser" he pointed at Blaise, "then Beck as beater and Collins as keeper. I still need to find two chasers and a beater." He sighed again.

"And Beck and Collins aren't even good, I just gave them the positions they asked for since they showed up and were able to fly around the pitch without falling off their brooms."

Blaise laughed out loud, then said, "Collins was actually an okay keeper, he blocked half my shots. With practice he'll get better."

Draco shrugged. He had hoped the Slytherins' desire to avoid him would be overcome by their love of Quidditch, but he guessed he was wrong. He should just give the captain position to Blaise and bow out. They could find another seeker easier than the three players they were missing now. "Do you want to be captain?" he asked Blaise.

"Hell no. I already have these shit prefect duties, I'm not adding any more responsibility. Plus, I don't want to get blamed when we lose. It won't matter if they blame you since they already hate you."

Draco made to shove him off the bench, but Blaise jumped out of the way. "Well do you have any ideas for me?"

"You could buy everyone who joins the team a new broom," Blaise suggested.

Draco considered it, "Do you think that would work?"

"Maybe," Blaise said, "but it may just attract more students who can't fly. And the rest of the school would despise you even more than they do now."

Draco nodded and Blaise continued, "You know who's pretty good?" Draco shook his head.

"Astoria Greengrass," he grinned before adding, "your biggest fan. I've played with her a few times before, she's a decent chaser."

Draco sighed again, then stood up and grabbed his broom and his dirty Quidditch robes. "There is no way she'll agree to play while I'm captain."

Blaise shrugged, "Yeah, probably not. But we're kind of desperate and she did used to fancy you. Convince her you're reformed or something."

Draco grunted in response, he doubted that story would work on Astoria any more than it was working on Granger. The two boys walked out of the locker room and made their way back up to the castle. "Maybe I could just catch the snitch in the first ten minutes of every game. Then it wouldn't matter that we only have three players."

"Excellent strategy captain," Blaise responded, "Not sure why the other teams don't try that one."

* * *

Hermione hadn't spoken to Malfoy since their fight in the dungeons after their first meeting together. He seemed content to ignore that interaction, so she followed his cue and didn't mention it. This time she was committed to just doing their Arithmancy assignment, then leaving promptly after they were done. She wanted to give mercurial Malfoy (her new nickname for him) a wide berth.

They were currently completing Arithmancy calculations, she by hand and him using his nifty spell, which she still hadn't asked him about. She wondered if he would show her how it worked if she asked.

Probably, but he would also be impossibly obnoxious about it. While they were working Malfoy looked up, glared at something, then put his head back down. She discovered the source of his ire as Ginny sat down next to them at the table.

"Hi," she said to Hermione, ignoring Malfoy, who ignored her back.

"What's up?" Hermione asked her friend, wondering why she'd come over.

"I have a mound of homework to do, can I join you?" Hermione was confused and wasn't sure what Ginny was up to. She cleared some of her books out of the way since Malfoy hadn't responded at all.

The three of them studied together for the next twenty minutes. Occasionally Malfoy would mutter something to Hermione under his breath and seemed dedicated to ignoring Ginny. And sometimes Ginny would start to chat with Hermione, then would cut off, not wanting to talk in front of Malfoy.

Hermione pulled out a blank piece of parchment and scribbled a note for Ginny.

_Why are you here?_

Ginny added a line under hers.

_To make sure he's not up to something._

_He's not, we're just working. But it's taking a lot longer with you here, so please leave. I'll meet you back in the Gryffindor common room._

Ginny glowered at her, then Malfoy, but collected her books and packed them in her bag. She tried to engage Malfoy one last time. "I need to work on Quidditch plays anyway, though it's probably overkill, the talent I was able to recruit could hold up without fancy plays; it probably won't be fair to the other teams."

Malfoy snorted, but still didn't look up at her, and she stomped off, annoyed at having been dismissed by Hermione and ignored by Malfoy.

"Will your bodyguard be attending all of these meetings now?" he asked Hermione after Ginny was out of earshot. She blushed, then saw him smirk when he noticed, then blushed further.

"I do not need a bodyguard Malfoy, I am perfectly capable of defending myself," she turned the next page in her book forcefully, annoyed with Ginny for making her look weak in front of him.

He shrugged, then went back to his calculations. He was being very un-Malfoy-like lately. She hadn't really noticed it until tonight with Ginny, but he was a lot less talkative. He hadn't spoken a word to the redhead. And now that she thought about, she'd seen multiple students confront him in the hall and he always just shrugged and turned away. Since when did Malfoy skip the opportunity for a nasty remark?

"Why don't you talk to anyone this year?" she asked suddenly.

He looked up and considered her question for a moment, like he was deciding whether or not to answer truthfully. "I've found it makes most people more upset if I ignore them," she wondered if this was the true answer. She could never really tell with him.

"You talk to me," Hermione pointed out.

"Well you are an exception," he said simply.

"Why?"

"You would prefer if I ignored you."

She humphed in response, he was right on that one. "So your ultimate goal is to cause the maximum amount of irritation?"

He smirked, then nodded.

"Real mature, Malfoy."

"I never claimed to be mature, Granger."

Hermione was putting her finishing touches on the Arithmancy assignment when a scream erupted from the other end of the library. This happened occasionally when students opened the wrong book in the restricted section.

She jumped and accidently spilled her ink bottle all over her assignment. "Oh no!" she shrieked, reaching to right the ink bottle.

Malfoy grabbed her hand away quickly, "Wait."

He had his wand out and touched the tip to the wet ink pooled on her parchment and whispered, " _Evanesco Liquidus_." She watched stunned as the wet ink vanished and the dry ink with the words and numbers she'd spent hours writing remained behind.

"How did you do that?" she whispered, pulling her hand out of his.

He looked down disgusted at the hand that had been inadvertently holding hers, then said, "Crabbe and Goyle were just as uncoordinated as you, I had to master that particular vanishing spell early on to keep from repeating my assignments."

She continued to look at him amazed, "You created a modified vanishing spell that targeted wet ink instead of dry ink. That's impressive and requires a lot of control to keep the words on the page from vanishing too. You mastered that when we were younger?"

He looked back at her annoyed, then grinned when he saw her expression. She closed her mouth, which she realized had been hanging open slightly in a very unflattering way.

"Yes Granger, other people besides you are good at magic."

"I'm taking that as a compliment," she said matter-of-factly.

He shook his head, then kept writing on his parchment.

"Thanks," she said, watching him.

He stopped and looked up at her, lifting his eyebrow.

"For fixing my parchment. I guess you're not entirely committed to your goal of causing maximum irritation."

He shook his head and said, "Well don't tell anyone. It will ruin my reputation."

She smiled and couldn't help but draw the connection between him and Snape, who had also been eager to hide his softer side from the rest of the world. "You're like Snape," she muttered, then instantly regretted it, remembering the last time she'd gotten too comfortable with him and tried to bring up the past.

Malfoy was clearly uneasy by the mention of Snape. Hermione saw his jaw tense and his quill froze in the middle of a sentence, then he said silently, "What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me what you meant," he said harshly. Malfoy picked his quill up from the parchment and frowned at the blotch left behind on the page. Then he looked back at her, waiting for her response with that intense stare of his.

Hermione knew she was in dangerous territory, but it was too late to back down now, so she explained her train of thought. "Snape was awful, to most people. But deep down he really wasn't evil. He was so determined to hide it from everyone. Dumbledore knew he was good, but Snape made him swear not to tell anyone else."

He didn't respond for a few minutes, then started packing up his stuff, "I think we've probably gotten far enough for tonight."

Hermione was confused, "Wait, we haven't even been here an hour," she motioned toward his wand.

He responded quickly, "I don't want to talk about Snape. If you want me to stay, let's do this," he pointed at her books and parchment, "and nothing else."

_Mercurial Malfoy._

Hermione studied him for a second, but she couldn't pick anything up from his expression, which was now completely blank. He looked back at her and they stared each other down for awhile, then she saw a flash of- something- in his eye, she couldn't place it, but it made him seem more vulnerable and gave her the courage to say, "It's clear he cared about you. Despite, everything."

Malfoy scoffed and gave her the look like she was stupid that was becoming very common. "Yeah right. He acted like he cared but was spying for Dumbledore the whole time," he was talking quickly now, like he'd been wanting to get this off his chest for a while.

"Being nice to me when I was younger, that was just so he could get close to my father and feed information about my family back to Dumbledore. He made an unbreakable vow to protect me but that was just to throw Bellatrix off his trail. The help he offered for my task, he was just trying to discover more details for your side. He betrayed me. I thought he actually liked me but it was just part of his big secret with Dumbledore; he didn't give a shit about me."

Malfoy leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. She'd seen him doing this on the train and had mistaken it for sleep, but it looked more like meditating. She watched his expression turn blank again, then said softly, "I think he did."

Hermione was sure he would tell her off, but thought he needed to hear it so she'd said it anyway. But Malfoy surprised her and instead of yelling he just said, "Stop," in a rough voice.

She nodded. This seemed to be Malfoy's thing. He clearly needed to talk through some of these issues but when the time came for him to open up, he shut down. Hermione shouldn't have pushed him, she had committed to leaving him alone, but she couldn't deny she was curious about him. She wanted to know if the war had changed him.

Did he still hate Muggle-borns? He didn't seem to. He was spending plenty of time with her and hadn't called her a Mudblood yet. He was annoying and arrogant, but not as hateful as she remembered. Still very moody and very angry, but that was to be expected, he had been living with Voldemort just last year.

Hermione chanced a look at Malfoy and he was studying her like he was trying to figure out something about her. They considered each other for a few minutes, then went back to working in silence until his wand alarm went off. This time Malfoy rushed off ahead of her and she turned toward the Gryffindor common room, desperate for a break from the depressing Slytherin.

* * *

_Potter's House – Grimmauld Place, London_

_Ministry – Department of Mysteries or Auror Offices_

_Dumbledore's Office_

_Dumbledore's Tomb_

_Weasley House – Burrow, Ottery St. Catchpole_

Draco was lying in bed making a list of all the possible locations of the Elder Wand. He added a final item, _Potter's Gringotts Vault_ then sighed heavily, trying to loosen a weight that was settling in his stomach.

He had felt so triumphant when he found the answer to how to undo the Dark Lord's spell, but now he was unsure where to go next. Draco planned to send his mother's house elf to search Potter and Weasley's houses next week. Maybe he'd get lucky and Potter was thick enough to hide the most powerful wand in the world somewhere so obvious.

If that didn't work though, he'd have to start searching these other places though being found searching some of them, particularly the Ministry and Gringott's, would be a death sentence. He'd prefer to get Granger to just tell him where it was hidden, but that was taking too much time.

He closed his notebook and leaned his head back against the headboard. She was pushing their conversations to more personal subjects even quicker than he could have hoped.

_Bloody Gryffindors always wanting to talk about their feelings._

Draco knew by confiding in Granger he'd gain her trust and that had always been his plan when he started working with her, but he couldn't do it. Not now, so soon after the war, and not with _her_. And Snape…she'd asked him about something that was an unresolved mess in his mind that he didn't want to touch.

Draco groaned then grabbed the invisible box next to him on the bed. He'd happened upon this ingenious object by accident when he was clearing out his father's desk. It was a smallish box about the size of a large book that was completely invisible. And once you put objects inside, they too became invisible.

It was an effective way of hiding things at school since he could keep the box under his bed and no one would find it unless they started feeling around. He placed his notebook in the box alongside the rest of the contents: the jewels from the old house hourglasses and a stack of photos of people's dead relatives from his hate mail.

Draco had no idea why he was keeping these disturbing mementos but the thought of tossing them out just felt wrong.

_Fuck, my life would be so much easier if I didn't have a conscience. What would Father say if he saw how I was using his box?_

That was a dangerous thought, all thoughts about his father were. His feelings toward his father were even more uncertain than the whole Snape situation. He wondered what his father would do if he'd been faced with the task of finding the Elder Wand. Maybe kill Potter, or threaten his friends, or _Imperius_ him, or something else equally terrible.

His mother tried to get Draco to visit his father at the beginning of the summer, worried that his father would think his family had abandoned him completely since she was too ill to visit. Draco had refused, then eventually she'd stopped asking.

As far as Draco was concerned, his father was to blame for getting them mixed up with the Dark Lord. Other pureblood families, like the Greengrass family, were able to get by without living with that psycho or getting branded with his mark. If his father hadn't been so power hungry that could have been Draco, just watching horrified from the sidelines instead of living in the middle of that fucking hell.

Draco shoved the box back under his bed then settled under the covers. It was kind of early to sleep, so he worked on clearing his mind. His father had taught him from a young age how to hide his emotions and keep a blank face. This skill had translated easily into clearing his mind when he'd started learning Occlumency before sixth year.

Since the war ended he'd been experimenting with using the magic of Occlumency to keep the unpleasant memories from the war and thoughts about his father in the back of his brain and it had been working very well. He hadn't had any more flashbacks like that time on the train. And after the terrible nightmare he'd had last night he thought he should get into the habit of clearing his mind each night before bed.

His subconscious had brought him to the top of the Astronomy tower that night in his sixth year. This was a common destination for his nightmares. Last night instead of Dumbledore, his mother was standing on the top of the tower while Draco trained his wand on her, and she said, "Draco…please. Help me Draco."

Suddenly Snape had appeared and aimed a killing curse at her. Just before the jet of green light reached his mother Draco awoke in a cold sweat. And no matter how many times he'd tried clearing his mind, he wasn't able to fall back asleep.

He hoped to remedy that tonight and after clearing his mind for an hour was able to enjoy a full night of dreamless sleep.

* * *

The N.E.W.T. potions class was making Pepperup Potion, which Hermione had learned to make while studying healing magic in preparation for her journey last year, so her mind was half on the potion and half reflecting on her first month back at Hogwarts.

She'd told Harry she'd wait a month before deciding whether or not to stay at school. She still missed Harry and Ron terribly and although it was nice having Ginny and Luna in a lot of her classes, she didn't see them much outside of lessons.

Ginny had a lot of other friends and was busy with Quidditch and spent every weekend with Harry. And Luna had finally made her own friends in Ravenclaw and like Ginny, she also spent most weekends away from school.

Although Hermione still felt lonely, the initial shock at finding Hogwarts so changed from previous years had settled and she decided to stay on and finish the school year. She enjoyed being Head Girl and enjoyed having her own room, though she'd often find herself sitting alone in her small common room wishing Harry and Ron were there.

She still loved school and was relishing learning new material, especially Arithmancy, which was still her favorite subject despite all of the time she had to spend with Malfoy.

It wasn't that much time, she reasoned, only a few hours each Sunday. But it felt like more since it was really draining; Hermione always had to be on guard with him since he was so prickly.

The wrong phrase could set him off. In their last meeting she didn't try to pry into Malfoy's personal life anymore and he was unusually civil. He finally showed her his Arithmancy spell along with a few spells he used to help him translate Runes.

She still wasn't sure of the real reason he'd asked to be her partner. His previous excuse that he wanted her to do the work for him couldn't be right, since he seemed more dedicated to schoolwork than she did, which was saying a lot.

Hermione conceded that Malfoy had never been dumb in their previous years, he had just applied his smarts to the wrong things, like making Potter Stinks badges and fixing vanishing cabinets. Now that he was applying himself to lessons he was doing remarkably well and she was having trouble keeping up with him.

She sneaked a look over in Malfoy's direction, but he was studying his potion and didn't notice. Hermione on the other hand wasn't keeping track of the flame under her cauldron and her potion went from a simmer to a boil, which she noticed just in time and was able to salvage the batch, turning the heat down quickly.

She focused back on the task at hand. Malfoy was taking too much space up in her head lately. She should have been focusing on Ron, but that subject was still painful and it seemed like the only thing to do there was take Ginny's advice and give it time. Ron had sent her a birthday card last week, but it was generic and made her feel worse than if he hadn't sent anything.

Harry was coming to school to teach his first lesson tomorrow and she planned to meet him and Ginny in the Three Broomsticks after for dinner and drinks. She didn't know if Ron would come but she hoped he'd be there.

Hermione was lowering dried dragon eyes into the cauldron when she lost her grip on the tweezers and the eye she'd been holding dropped, splashing the potion on her ungloved hand.

"Ow," she screamed involuntarily and jumped back, but she tripped on the bench behind her and ended up falling on her side, unable to use her burned hand to catch her fall.

The potion at this state was unstable and the red liquid that had splashed on her hand was burning her skin and smoke was still billowing out of tiny holes in her hand. She was getting queasy watching it and looked away as she propped herself up to a sitting position with her good hand.

Dean reached her first, and she saw a few other students, including Ginny, make their way over. "What do you need? What happened?" Dean asked urgently, but she held her hand against her chest, unable to speak clearly through the burning pain in her hand.

"Just careless…on my… hand."

Slughorn was standing above her now and said urgently, "Oh dear, _Accio ditt-"_

"I have it sir," She looked up and saw Malfoy holding a jar of what must have been dittany, he had already unscrewed it so the familiar gel was exposed and he crouched down and held it toward her.

"Quick thinking," Slughorn mentioned. When it was clear Hermione was in too much pain to administer it herself, he said, "If you wouldn't mind, Mr. Malfoy."

He meant for Malfoy to apply it for Hermione since he was already there, holding the jar open, but he hesitated and she figured he didn't want to touch her.

Dean made to grab the jar and spat, "Stop being a git Malfoy, let me."

But Malfoy pulled the jar back and grabbed her hand roughly. Hermione winced at the sudden movement, but his touch was more gentle as he applied dittany to the holes on her hand.

Within seconds she felt better. She looked at Malfoy, planning to thank him, when he whispered angrily, "You're not as perfect as you think you are. Wear gloves next time." He dropped her hand then and rose quickly.

"Watch it Malfoy," Ginny warned as Hermione winced at the pain of him dropping her hand. Her friend was now at her side. Hermione looked at Malfoy and saw him flexing and unflexing the hand that had held hers, as if recovering from the touch. She hated to admit the sight hurt her feelings slightly.

Slughorn cut in, "Hospital wing my dear. If you wouldn't mind, Miss Weasley."

Hermione couldn't help but give one last confused look to Malfoy, who was already back at his table continuing with his potion, then she turned to join Ginny in the hall.

Ginny spent the whole walk to the hospital wing berating Malfoy for being a prick. Why had he even gotten involved? He could have easily left the rest of the class to deal with her. It was the same with fixing her parchment when she'd spilled ink, he could have left her to rewrite it and she would have never known he had the ability to help her and hadn't taken it. Why was he being nice to her? Well, not nice, but halfway-decent.

"What is his deal?" Ginny asked her, finishing her rant about Malfoy.

"I don't know," Hermione responded truthfully.

* * *

"Tell me honestly Hermione, how was it?" Harry had just finished his first set of Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons, ending with the N.E.W.T. session she'd attended along with most of the students from her and Ginny's years. She suspected a lot of them weren't even planning to take the Defense N.E.W.T. but had attended for a chance to see Harry Potter.

Harry had started off easy, covering the shield charm and stunning spell. He wanted to make sure everyone had the basics down before he moved on to harder stuff, and it had been a good idea, since a lot of students didn't have those two spells mastered yet.

For DA members and others who knew those spells well, he had them pair up and practice them non-verbally. She'd been paired with Ginny and had a few bruises from some well-placed stunners that had made it through her shields.

"I thought it went great," Hermione said reassuringly. "And it was a good idea to split off the more advanced students, since it would have been boring otherwise. You did well, as always. Stop being so nervous, it's just like DA lessons."

Harry shook his head, "It seems different now that it's official. Before I wasn't trying to certify anyone to a particular standard."

"I agree with Hermione," Ginny cut in, "you were excellent. And everyone knows they're going to go easy on us during exams this year."

The three of them reached the school gates and Harry opened them, then held them for Hermione and Ginny to pass before closing and locking them behind him. Hermione was reminded of her parchment for tracking students and wondered if she and Ginny were now listed outside of the castle on the Gryffindor sheet.

Those had been a big success when she shared them with the rest of the prefects. She remembered something she'd wanted to ask Harry then, "Oh, Harry, I've been meaning to ask you something."

He nodded for her to continue, "Can I use your Marauder's Map? It would make my prefect rounds loads easier," she explained.

"Sure," he said, "I'll send it with Apollo when I get back. It's just collecting dust in a drawer somewhere."

"What's the Marauder's Map?" Ginny asked. Harry went on to explain the map he'd been given by Ginny's brothers. He finished when they got to the Three Broomsticks and Hermione's heart jumped when she saw Ron waving them over from his spot at an empty table.

"You three never told me anything," Ginny complained in a voice that made her sound much younger as they sat down at the table with Ron.

Ron gave Hermione a questioning look, and she muttered in response, "Harry's just explained about the map."

Ron nodded, then chimed in, "He would obsess over that thing when we were looking for Horcruxes, staring at the _Ginerva Weasley_ dot walking around the castle."

"Really?" Ginny looked at Harry, who was blushing.

"I didn't know you guys noticed that."

"There wasn't much else to do in that awful tent but stare at the two of you," Ron responded, then looked down embarrassed. They were all remembering Ron's completely inaccurate assumption that Harry and Hermione were romantically involved. Luckily Ginny changed the subject back to something she could participate in.

"Harry was brilliant today, Ron," she started, "you should have seen. It was like the DA but official. McGonagall was there and they had to clear the tables in the Great Hall because so many students showed up for each session."

"Yeah, I imagine everyone in the school showed up to see the famous Harry Potter," Ron teased, and Harry shoved him.

"Even Malfoy showed up," Ginny said and Ron looked at her confused, then back at Harry. "Why would he want to learn from you?"

Harry shrugged, "I was surprised to see him there too, but he didn't cause any problems. Looked like he'd rather be anywhere else though. He was working with Daphne Greengrass and when I went to correct her form on the shield charm he looked like he was considering hexing me."

"What do you think, Hermione?" Ginny asked, and Hermione shot her a warning glance.

"I have no idea why he was there. Even if he wanted the N.E.W.T. I'm sure he could take the test without Harry's help. I mean, he lived surrounded by dark arts all of last year."

"Yeah but performing dark arts and defending against them aren't really the same thing," Ron countered. Hermione opened her mouth to defend Malfoy, then closed it immediately. Discussing her suspicions about how Malfoy was not completely evil and had changed since the war in present company was not a good idea.

"Aren't you working with him?" Harry asked her, and she glared at Ginny, who must have mentioned this to Harry during one of her weekend visits.

"We're partners in Arithmancy. It was assigned by Professor Vector. But we just do those assignments once a week, that's it."

"That's not true," Ginny cut in, "I've seen you two work on Runes and Charms together and you spend hours on Sundays with him in the library."

Ron looked over shocked, "What?! You're friends with Malfoy now?" Ginny gave her a look that said, _this is for your own good_ , and Hermione scowled back.

She hadn't expected Ron's jealous reaction and she had to admit it felt good to have him jealous for her, even though it was not founded, since this was Draco Malfoy they were talking about.

"I am not friends with Malfoy. I study with him. He's weirdly committed to school now and I have a mountain of homework. We just get through it really fast then go our separate ways. We're both kind of using each other. Nothing else, we don't joke or chat or anything, I promise."

This was mostly true. They had had a few non-school related conversations on either end of their meetings, but she wouldn't say those made them friends since they typically ended in disaster.

Harry cut in, "Come on, it's Hermione. I don't think she'd spend time with Malfoy if she didn't have to."

Hermione gave him a grateful look and said, "Thanks Harry." Ron grunted, still not satisfied with her response, but luckily Madam Rosmerta delivered their butterbeers at that moment.

The boys moved on to discussing as much of their Auror training that they thought they were allowed to share. There was a lot of back and forth between them as they sorted through the parts they thought were open for disclosure and the parts they thought they had to keep secret.

It sounded like an extended lesson of Defense Against the Dark Arts, which was probably a dream for Harry. As Ron told a story of accidentally transfiguring Harry into a toilet instead of the chair he'd been supposed to turn him in to during disguising practice ("What? It was a throne, of sorts. I had to pee!"), Hermione felt a pang in her gut as she realized just how much she missed them. She had laughed more during this dinner than her entire first month at Hogwarts.

Hermione wished again that the boys had attended Hogwarts with her this year, but she knew why they hadn't. Harry needed desperately to move on from the war and Ron was just supporting Harry. But it was fun to imagine what it would have been like if Harry and Ron had attended Hogwarts with her this year.

They would spend a lot of time in her room, that would be fun, especially since Harry would be more popular than ever and eager to get away from the crowds. Then when the boys and Ginny would go off and play Quidditch Hermione would have ample time to study. But she'd still have to be partners with Malfoy and the boys would probably bring it up all the time. That part would be very annoying.

Was she spending too much time with him? They had extended their last few sessions to a few hours, but it was just once a week, hardly a lot of time. And he was still awful to her. A few days ago, when she had her potions accident he did go get the dittany immediately, but then manhandled her and insulted her so she wouldn't call that very friendly.

Maybe he was using her, probably just for schoolwork, but she was using him for the same thing. Hermione wasn't worried, but she would be giving Ginny a piece of her mind later for ambushing her in front of Harry and Ron.

At the end of the night the boys walked Ginny and Hermione back to the castle. Harry and Ginny walked several feet ahead of Hermione and Ron. Ginny was clutching Harry's arm and speaking to him in a low tone Hermione couldn't understand.

She tried not to watch them, still a little jealous she and Ron couldn't have what they had. She looked over at Ron surreptitiously, but he was just looking off into the sky, not paying attention to her or Harry and Ginny.

"Oh," he said suddenly, then looked at her, "I almost forgot to ask you."

"Ask me what?" her heart started beating a little faster.

"We're having a big dinner at the Burrow tomorrow. Bill and Fleur have some 'big news' for everyone,"

Ron gave her a pointed look as if to say, _we all know what that's going to be_ , and she laughed. "And my mum wants to make you a cake for your birthday, even though I know it's weeks late. Andromeda is bringing Teddy too. It won't be the same without you; you have to come."

"It's tomorrow?" she asked tentatively.

"I know I'm sorry I'm just asking you now, it doesn't mean I don't want you to come, promise," he gave her an apologetic smile and leaned into her a little and she couldn't help but smile back.

"It's just been a really busy week," he lowered his voice. "George opened the shop for the first time Monday, and we've all been taking shifts to be there with him so he won't be alone."

Hermione nodded, unsure what to say. "But with covering the store and work, I completely forgot to send Pig to tell you."

"I get it Ron, it's fine," she responded.

"So you'll come?"

"Sure, what time?"

"Uh, I think we're going to get there a few hours before dinner, like four. Does that work for you?"

"Yea, see you then," he gave her a big, lop-sided smile that made her heart melt a little, and she looked back at the ground, not wanting him to see her face.

* * *

Draco was flying above the Quidditch pitch, eyes darting around looking for the snitch while Blaise and their new Chaser, Douglas shot goals at Collins, who was doing reasonably well blocking them.

Draco had convinced Douglas, a sixth year prefect, to join the team by promising to buy him a new broom if he attended all three games. He reasoned that buying him the broom after the season was over wouldn't be too bad, since once the rest of the school noticed Draco would be graduating.

They finally had two beaters at practice, too, since Blaise had convinced their dormmate Jones to show up, but he was adamant that he was only helping with practice. Jones said he didn't have any interest playing in games since he didn't want to get beat up by the other teams. Draco kept telling him the teachers and Madame Hooch wouldn't let the other teams get away with blatant fouls, but Jones didn't believe him.

That was fair, Draco didn't really believe it either. Quidditch could be very dangerous and maybe exposing themselves to a fight while 50 feet in the air wasn't the best idea. The team was doing very well though, but he still had less than a month to fill two open spots.

Draco finally saw the snitch, then dived for it and caught it easily. He took a few laps around the pitch, relishing the feel of the cold, crisp air on his face and the feeling of weightlessness that he'd always loved about flying.

He was glad he'd taken the job as Quidditch captain, even if it meant they'd get destroyed in their matches. He needed something like this to take his mind off everything else, especially after that awful Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson with Potter earlier.

He'd attended to see if Potter had the Elder wand and wasn't surprised to find that he didn't. He also didn't have Draco's old wand, which he was half expecting. Potter must have been using his original wand, though Draco remembered the Dark Lord mentioning that that one had been destroyed.

Maybe it was just some special hero wand Ollivander made for him after Potter rescued the wandmaker from the Manor's dungeons. Either way, Draco was no closer to locating the Elder wand.

He'd sent Nessie to search Potter and Weasley's houses earlier in the week and hadn't heard from her yet. He hoped that just meant she was being cautious and not that she'd been found out, though he suspected he'd have heard about it by now if she had been.

After his second lap around the pitch, he stopped quickly and floated to the ground, waving for his team to follow. He was running out of time. If by break he hadn't found the wand, he'd have no choice but to go to Potter and appeal to him directly. His stomach turned at the thought.

Blaise hit the ground first, then gave Draco a confused expression when he saw his face, maybe thinking his look of disgust was aimed at the team. Draco adjusted it before the rest of the team landed.

"We're flying great," he said truthfully, "but none of this will matter if we can't fill the team." He looked harshly at Jones who at least had the decency to look properly ashamed.

"We've been practicing more than any other teams, but what's the point? What are the chances you'll able to find two more players in enough time for us all to train with them before the match?" Collins said in a challenging tone.

Draco looked at him for a few minutes, unable to retort since it was a valid point. He knew he was driving a harder practice schedule than any of the other captains and it wasn't fair if they would be disqualified as soon as they showed up for their first match.

"I'm going to get us a chaser right now," he said simply, then turned back to the school and headed straight for the Slytherin common room. He entered the stone door with his Quidditch robes on and broom still in his hand and walked up to Astoria, who was reading a book on an armchair by the fireplace.

"I need to talk to you," he said roughly.

She looked up at him, then back at her book, "I have nothing to say to you."

"This is ridiculous," Draco sat in the empty chair next to her but she didn't look up at him. "You play Quidditch, I hear you're a decent chaser. The Slytherin team needs you."

She gave him a sardonic look and raised her eyebrow at him. " _I_ need you," he corrected bitterly.

She considered him for a few moments, then closed her book and put it on her lap. "Well it turns out I need you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is moving slowly, but I honestly think it would take these two characters a very long time to end up together. Especially this close to the end of the war. So hang in there please – it'll happen.


	6. Hermione's Plan

**Chapter 6 – Hermione's Plan**

The Weasleys had set up a long table in the yard for dinner. It reminded Hermione of the day last year when they'd celebrated Harry's birthday before Bill and Fleur's wedding. That was the last full night they'd enjoyed at the Burrow before the horcrux hunt had started. There was cake this time too, chocolate sponge with ganache, Hermione's favorite.

Mrs. Weasley apologized repeatedly for forgetting to send Hermione the cake in the mail so she could have enjoyed it on her actual birthday and that just made Hermione smile more. She loved how she still felt she belonged here, even though she and Ron weren't dating.

The mood was a little more subdued now than that night before the wedding last year, but it was the closest Hermione had come to feeling like her old self since she'd come back from Australia. She was glad she'd agreed to come tonight. A night spent with the Weasleys was just the thing she needed to raise her spirits.

Rob had been right about Fleur and Bill, who announced over dinner that they were expecting a baby next May. Hermione looked over toward Fleur now who was playing with Teddy as he bounced on Harry's lap.

Hermione smirked when she saw Ginny, who was sitting across from Fleur, watch Harry with a look of adoration as he interacted so easily with the little baby, whose hair was now jet black and untidy to match his godfather's. Hermione predicted kids were definitely in the couple's future and maybe in several years they'd all be back here eating in the yard awaiting an announcement of the Potters' first baby. The thought made Hermione grin widely.

Ron was on Hermione's other side and had just challenged Andromeda to a game of wizard's chess after the older witch admitted that she was part of the chess club when she was at Hogwarts. Hermione took advantage of the break in conversation and excused herself to use the loo. On her way back from the bathroom she noticed George standing on the edge of the back patio, slightly hidden by the shadow of a tree. He was looking past the people in the backyard into the setting sun.

Hermione hesitated for a second, then walked over to join him. He barely registered her when she leaned against the railing next to him, giving her an almost imperceptible nod.

"Holding up okay George?" she said softly, and he just nodded again and kept looking at the sunset which was currently turning the sky a brilliant shade of orange.

"I heard you opened the store up this week. I'm sure that was," she hesitated again, "hard," Hermione ended lamely, wishing she could give him more comfort but finding she was at a complete loss for words.

After a time, George responded in a low voice, "I used to go into every day with backup. Now I have to face each one alone," she felt tears welling behind her eyes. "Even easy ones, like this," he motioned to the people in the yard, "are sometimes unbearable."

She didn't respond, unsure what to say. Hermione had read countless books in her life containing millions of words, but nothing seemed adequate for this situation, so she just nodded as reassuringly as possible. But George didn't seem to notice, he was staring back at the sky which was now turning into a dark orange laced with purple.

"Some days I just don't want to wake up and try," he whispered to her so softly she barely heard him. Hermione wondered why he was admitting this to her, but she knew sometimes you couldn't say this stuff to your family.

It was easier to tell your secrets to someone who still cared but was more detached. And maybe Hermione was the perfect person here that fit that description for him. She was glad she could be of some help.

"What would you tell him, if the situation was reversed?" she asked, turning toward George.

He closed his eyes and she saw tears falling onto his cheeks. "I wish it was," he whispered, tears still falling, "every second of every day, I wish it wasn't me who had to stick around and be strong."

She put her arm around him as best she could, but it was awkward since he was so much taller than her. He lifted his left arm around her then and leaned into her a bit and sobbed silently.

They sat there for a while in a half-hug, and Hermione watched Arthur and Percy summon floating candles and place them around the yard as the sun completely dropped out of the sky. With the yard lit up she could see Harry and Bill playing with Teddy, whose hair was turning from dark red to black. Ginny, Fleur, and Mrs. Weasley were talking excitedly, probably about the baby. And Ron and Andromeda were focused on their chess game.

After a time, George dropped his arm from her and stood up, gave her a brief nod, and walked back to the yard. She saw him walk over to join Harry and Bill with Teddy and wished she could do more for George. But sometimes just being there and letting someone say the things on their mind was enough.

As Hermione watched George pick Teddy up and throw him in the air, she finally let loose the tears she'd been holding in while he was with her, hoping against all hope that he would eventually be okay. That all the Weasleys would be okay.

She didn't know how long she stayed there watching her friends, but she snapped out of her reverie when someone placed a hand on her shoulder. Hermione jumped, then turned to find Harry next to her.

"Hey," he said, taking the spot to her right where George had been, "what are you doing over here?"

She turned to him, then asked boldly, "Do you guys resent me? Because I didn't lose anyone in the war?"

Harry looked back at her surprised, clearly not expecting the question, but she appreciated that he took time to consider it before responding. She didn't know what made her ask it, but it was the kind of thing she could only ask Harry.

Ron, or even Ginny, would probably get irritated with her, but she knew Harry would understand where she was coming from, even though he was the person who had lost the most in the war starting with his biological parents to every parent figure he'd had growing up: Sirius, Dumbledore, then Lupin.

He finally turned toward Hermione and placed both hands on her shoulders, "No. Of course not. We almost lost _you,_ Hermione, multiple times. And I know you feel some of the losses just as deeply as the rest of us, even if they aren't directly related to you."

Harry's bright green eyes bored into hers and she thought he could give Malfoy some competition when it came to intense gazes. "Why do you ask?"

Hermione looked away from him, but he kept a firm grip on her shoulders so she couldn't turn away, "I still feel so, distant from all of you, I guess."

Just then Ron came up behind them and Harry dropped his hands from her shoulders.

"What's up?" Ron asked concerned.

Harry looked at Hermione and she knew he wouldn't reveal anything to Ron if she didn't want him to. She admitted to Ron softly, "I was just telling Harry I've been feeling really distant, from the two of you." She paused, then added, "I don't know where my place is anymore."

Ron walked to her and took up Harry's previous position, grabbing both of her arms, "Well it's definitely not a good sign when I'm the voice of reason in this group," he stopped to smile and she couldn't help but smile back.

"You belong here, with us. There's no way we could go through all we did together and not end up bonded forever," he lifted his eyebrow at her as if to say, _Right?_ and she nodded in response.

Ron released her arms then, "Good." Then he leaned against the railing on the other side of her, and Harry took the spot on her right. Hermione propped herself against the railing wedged between them and they all looked out at the yard.

"Are you still considering leaving Hogwarts?" Harry asked.

"I've thought about it a lot," she said, "and I'm going to stay. I'll regret it later if I skip out, I just know it."

Both boys nodded. "Well we are completely lost without you 'Mione," Ron said, leaning into her, "but I guess we can hold on until June."

"Yeah, I think we can manage until then," Harry added, grinning, "but no longer."

She laughed, then wrapped her arms around her two best friends.

* * *

Draco slammed the door to his dormitory, relieved to find it empty. He started pacing around the dark room that was eerily lit by the dull light coming in from the windows looking into the lake. He saw a few grindylows in one of the windows and scowled so fiercely at them that they swam away.

He'd just returned from a weekend at home and was crushed to find the green veins on his mother's body had climbed from her shoulders to the bottom of her neck. She was having trouble swallowing and he didn't see how she would make it much longer if she lost use of her throat. But even worse than her deteriorating condition was the conversation they'd had when he explained to her about the Elder Wand.

She'd urged him to go directly to Potter and he could tell she didn't trust that Draco could solve this on his own. He picked up a lamp from Jones' nightstand and threw it against the wall. After it shattered, he repaired it with his wand, then threw it again.

Nessie had returned while Draco was home and reported that she could find no spare wand hidden at the Weasley house. That made sense, they probably had barely enough gold to pay for the wands they were using, leaving nothing leftover for extra wands.

Nessie had slightly more success at Potter's house, where she had found Draco's old wand, but he'd instructed her to leave it where it was. While it would be nice to have it back, he couldn't risk stealing it right now. Draco sighed. He was getting nowhere with Granger and his own mother didn't think he could do this alone. Fuck, he felt so depressed; he didn't want to keep going.

Draco stepped over Jones' broken lamp to the window looking out at the lake and rested his forehead on the cool glass. He wanted to lay in bed next to his mother and have her rub his head and make everything better. But those times had ended years ago, and she needed him now.

_But she doesn't want you, she wants Potter, someone who can actually help her._

Draco clenched his fist and closed his eyes tight to prevent tears from falling.

_Where had Potter put the fucking wand?_

He looked at his watch, then cursed to himself. He had to meet Granger in twenty minutes. Draco looked at the broken lamp on the floor then waved his wand to repair it again, but the pieces barely moved. He was completely spent.

He'd tried to make it up to his mother by taking her to her favorite places in her mind: Paris, Prague, Munich, the Greek Isles, but it had completely drained him of magic. It's a wonder he'd been able to apparate back to Hogsmeade without getting splinched.

So now Draco was exhausted as well as depressed, _great._ He'd let Jones fix his own lamp. Draco considered skipping his meeting with Granger while he packed his bag, but decided against it. This was the only lead he had on the wand for now and he had to push forward.

He stood over his bag, trying and failing to remember what subjects they'd agreed to work on this time. Charms? Potions? He put both books inside, then stood up and sighed deeply.

Draco was losing himself. It had started at the end of his fifth year when his father was sent to Azkaban and his whole world had fallen apart. The person he most admired was forcibly removed from his life, and as punishment the Dark Lord had given him his impossible task.

At the time he'd thought it an honor, that the Dark Lord had seen something special in him. Of course Draco thought that. His mother and father had told him he was special his whole life. He knew better than that now. The Dark Lord had expected him to fail, and Draco had.

_You've done nothing of note your entire life. You're pathetic._

Ever since Draco had received his task from Voldemort to now, he'd been struggling to survive. He felt like he was stumbling down a steep hill, barely able to keep his footing. Most people got a reprieve after the final battle and were able to pause, mourn their losses, and move on with their lives. Draco's reprieve lasted about a week.

One glorious week when he thought it was over and started planning a way to pick himself up and rebuild his reputation. But then his father was taken and locked up and his mother's illness manifested, and Draco was back to stumbling down that damn hill, trying to stay on his feet.

And being back at Hogwarts was worse than being at home, because the war was over for everyone here. They were somber, but they joked in the halls, played Quidditch, worried about homework. But the war wasn't over for Draco, even if he could squint and pretend it was sometimes.

Although he cleared his mind before bed, he still had nightmares that transported him right back to the war and he sometimes struggled to fight his way back to reality.

At times he'd cry in bed, willing his mother to get better, then be suddenly angry, wanting to punch something or someone. He'd go to the Quidditch pitch, longing to fly for hours, then after ten minutes be exhausted and want a bath, then five minutes into that be sick of the warm water on his skin.

He'd long to be near someone and go sit in the common room, then find himself sick of other people's company after a few minutes and retreat back into his dorm. Draco thought maybe he was going a bit mad.

He looked at his watch again. He needed to start walking to the library if he was going to make it in time. He needed to work Granger, to study her, find her weakness, and get her to confide in him. But he could barely manage himself.

The control he'd developed over his mind and emotions during the war was crumbling. He'd bet if someone tried to use Legilimency on him now they'd see anything they wanted. The worst part was he was aware of his madness, aware of losing his grip, but couldn't do anything to stop it.

Draco just needed to keep to his routines: classes, Quidditch practice, visiting his mother's bedside, meetings with Granger. And maybe it would get better, though he had no reason to believe it would.

* * *

Granger was already at their usual table in the library. She looked happy and refreshed, the exact opposite of how Draco felt. _Fucking perfect._ He didn't look her in the eye when he took the seat across from her. She inhaled slightly when she saw him and he could feel her gaze while he dug through his bag.

Draco hadn't seen a mirror since he'd returned from the Manor and assumed he looked like shite. Mercifully, Granger didn't say anything about it. They started in on their assignment, but Draco kept losing his place.

He had been staring at his parchment for a few minutes and realized Granger had stopped her work and was starting at him. She said silently, "Are you okay…Draco?" He flinched a little when he heard her say his name, it seemed so foreign on her tongue, but he could tell she'd meant it to be comforting.

Draco closed his eyes to blink back tears and considered confessing everything to her for a brief moment. But Granger would just tell him to go to Potter, just as his mother had. He knew he was alone in this, only he understood the need to prove himself, that he was worth something, could get one important thing done in his life.

And Granger was his enemy, he shouldn't show her a hint of this weakness so she could one day use it against him. No one in the wizarding world cared if the Malfoys suffered, and least of all Granger, who had more reason than anyone to want to see them hurt as they had hurt her.

Was she just trying to pry now because she sensed his vulnerability? He opened his eyes but kept staring into his parchment instead of at her, "Why are you doing this?"

She didn't respond, so he finally looked up at her. Her eyes were worried, "Doing what?" she responded, but Draco could tell she knew what he'd meant. He didn't respond as he saw her thinking.

"I don't think you're evil," she continued, "and I know I've said I think you got what you deserve, but I was just angry. I don't think you deserve this…" she paused for a time, looking for the right word, "loneliness."

Draco looked away from her again, annoyed that she had seemed to figure out the root of his problems so easily, and also completely drained of the strength to care. He knew he should push her away and leave. This was getting too close to personal. But he didn't have the energy to do anything else, and it felt good talking to someone, even if it was her.

But as Draco considered who he was talking to, he wondered how Granger could know about loneliness. She was admired and had friends. And as far as he knew her parents were perfectly well and healthy. "What would you know about loneliness?" he asked her. "You're constantly surrounded by people who love and adore you."

Granger looked back at him, considering her response before stating, "You don't have to be alone to be lonely." And by the way she said it and the haunted look in her eyes, Draco figured that maybe she wasn't as much of a stranger to the feeling than he thought and he gave her a small nod before picking up his book and starting back in on their assignment.

Granger was still looking at him, probably wanting to continue the conversation, but Draco had had enough. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind and felt himself drift back toward the indifference that had kept him alive for the past few years.

He'd learned at the lowest points in his life the only way to survive was to turn off feeling. He wondered though, after all of this was done, if he'd be able to turn them back on again.

* * *

Malfoy was finished with this conversation, that much was clear. The pain Hermione had seen on his face was gone and he was back to looking cold and disinterested. He was studying his book and ignoring her looking at him, but she couldn't let the conversation go yet.

"I know you're done talking, but I want to say one more thing."

He didn't look up, but she knew he was listening and took his silence as encouragement to continue. "Opening up, being vulnerable, I know it's really uncomfortable. But it's not a sign of weakness."

He didn't respond, and Hermione thought that was an improvement. Old Malfoy would have bitten her head off. She pulled her book back toward her and began working on the assignment again, but a few minutes later his words broke her away from the calculation she was working on.

"My father would say if you open up to people you show them where to put the knife in."

Hermione looked at him, unsure how to respond. Of course Lucius would say that, he was awful, and he had tried to make his son just as bad, but it was clear he had failed a little. This person in front of her was not completely like his father.

"Do you want to be like him?" she asked simply.

A flash of anger came into Malfoy's eyes, and she thought this was it, maybe she had finally pushed too hard. Hermione braced herself for his response, but the anger was gone in a second and he looked down pensive but didn't answer her.

She thought then that they were finally done with this conversation and went back to her calculation when he said softly, "No."

Hermione smiled without looking up since she could feel his eyes on her and continued writing on her parchment. She dropped the deep conversation for the rest of the night, preferring to end with this small victory.

* * *

Hermione, Luna, and Ginny were sitting under a tree on the grounds enjoying an unseasonably warm day, probably the last one of the year. Luna was talking about a recent trip to find the crumple horned snorkack where she met a wizard a few years older than her, Rolf Scamander, who was also looking for exotic animals.

"Is he related to Newt Scamander, the famous magizoologist?" Hermione asked, recognizing the name.

"Yes, he is his grandson," Luna responded. From the soft tone in her voice Hermione suspected Luna might like this man.

"You like him," Ginny said, obviously picking up on the same tone Hermione had.

"At times I do feel something flutter in my chest when we talk," Luna mentioned airily, "but I figured it was just wumblewigs."

Ginny and Hermione gave her a confused look, so she explained, "They get into your lungs and float around, making you feel all funny."

"So kind of like wrackspurts?" Hermione asked, giving Ginny a knowing looking.

"Wrackspurts mess with your brain, wumblewigs are in your chest, but I guess they are similar. They're both invisible. I just figured Rolf had an especially large infestation of wumblewigs surrounding him, since it usually only happens when I'm around him."

Luna lifted her wand then and turned a fly in the air that had been heading for a large spider's web on the tree.

Ginny smiled at Hermione, then added, "I think you like him Luna. That's more likely where the fluttery feeling is coming from."

"That's an interesting thought," Luna said seriously, "I'll consider that the next time I see him."

"So you're seeing him again?" Ginny asked eagerly.

"Yes, in two weeks. We are meeting in Hogsmeade for dinner."

"That's a date Luna!" Ginny shrieked, excitedly.

"I don't think so, we're just reviewing potential locations for the crumple horned snorkack."

Hermione and Ginny exchanged grins again, but Ginny let it drop. She turned to Hermione instead and asked, "What about you Hermione? Are there any guys you're interested in?"

Hermione gave her a scandalized look. Ginny knew she was interested in Ron, what was she talking about?

Ginny guessed her thoughts and answered, "I still think you'll end up with Ron, but come on, we're at school and dating is fun. I dated loads of guys while waiting for Harry to get his act together. There's no shame in you doing the same."

Hermione gave her an unsure look, and Ginny continued, "I think Anthony Goldstein likes you, I've seen him ogling you in class."

"Anthony?" Hermione had never considered him in that way. They worked well together as Head Boy and Girl and they chatted occasionally but he was so popular and probably not interested in her.

But she admitted that besides Malfoy, he was probably the only other guy she'd spent time with alone this year. As Malfoy crept into her thoughts she became uncomfortable. Hermione had tried to get him out of her brain but after their last meeting she could not stop thinking about the Slytherin.

He clearly needed help working through some trauma he had over the war, like his unresolved issues with Snape and whatever he'd been forced to see and do as a Death Eater.

And why was he back at Hogwarts? Why had he requested her as his partner? Those unanswered questions continued to plague her. She'd found herself wondering about him more and more lately. She wanted to hex him and understand him at the same time.

Since their last meeting when Malfoy had shown up looking utterly depressed and later admitted that he didn't want to be like his father, Hermione had been considering a plan to help him talk through some of his issues, but she didn't know if she'd have the nerve to go through with it.

What did she have to lose though? Maybe helping Malfoy face his past would finally get him off her mind.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Ginny was giving her an evil grin and Hermione feared for a moment that the red-head knew she was thinking about Malfoy. Then Hermione remembered they had just been talking about Anthony.

"Oh, hah. I don't know Ginny, I think he's just being nice."

"For someone so smart, you can be very dense sometimes Hermione."

Hermione gave her friend a small shrug, then went back to planning out her idea for helping Malfoy.

* * *

"Any questions for Draco?" Astoria asked the group of first year Slytherins. Draco had just finished explaining the theory and technique behind the disarming and shield charms he planned to demonstrate for them next.

He conjured a glass of water, then drank it down in one gulp. His voice was hoarse, probably because he rarely talked and had just been forced to drone on for twenty minutes. He'd kept to only speaking to five people so far: Blaise, Daphne, Granger, Astoria, and fucking Goldstein.

But he had to cheat a bit with his Quidditch team and all these first years. He figured that was okay, he only counted it if he talked to someone directly.

Astoria's condition for joining the Quidditch team had been that Draco help her with the Slytherin bullying problem Blaise had pawned off to her to solve. Draco had agreed to one session with the first years covering only two spells, the disarming and shield charms.

Astoria had made him up it to two sessions before she agreed to his terms. Now here he was, coaching bloody first years while Astoria and another Slytherin prefect, Nancy Miles, looked on.

Two students raised their hands and Draco recognized one of the girls as the raven-haired witch who had boldly approached Blaise in the common room a few weeks ago. Astoria called on her first, "Yes Malinda?"

"What was it like being a Death Eater?"

The room was silent, then someone else chimed in, "Did it hurt when you got the Dark Mark?"

"How about the battle, were you there when Harry Potter killed Voldemort? Did he really use your wand?"

Now there was a buzz in the room and a few more questions came streaming in. "Why did you come back when everyone hates you?"

"How did you keep yourself out of Azkaban?"

"Enough," Draco said in a low voice and the room was silent. He narrowed his eyes and glared back at Astoria. This had not been part of their deal.

She surveyed him nervously, then cut in, "Okay, okay. Malfoy's not going to answer any of those," she looked back at him for confirmation and was met with a cold glare.

"Right," she continued. "Any questions about disarming or shield charms?"

No one raised their hands. "Okay then, let's go ahead and practice. If you all could form a circle, we can demonstrate for you, then we'll just get into it."

Draco and Miles helped her move the chairs out of the way and they continued practicing with the first years for another hour. By the end of the session most of them were able to disarm each other, but less than half of them could perform a useful shield charm.

It wasn't terrible though. They'd probably get there after the next session. Draco admitted that they knew more than he had as a first year, though he'd never say that out loud.

The first years were filing out of the class, talking animatedly while Draco, Astoria, and Miles put the room back in order. Anthony Goldstein walked in then. He'd probably noticed them as he was heading back to his dorm room.

"What are you doing?"

Draco ignored him, but Astoria jumped a little, then started to explain about her plan to help the first years with bullying.

"Why didn't you come to me?" he asked her harshly, "you know I'm covering Slytherin house issues, I should be informed if there's a problem with bullying."

"Oh, uh," Astoria trailed off uncomfortably.

"She knew you wouldn't do anything because you're a giant prick and couldn't give two fucks about Slytherins being bullied," Draco said lazily, leaning against one of the tables with his arms crossed.

"We've discussed this before Malfoy," Goldstein hissed, "but I'm not a completely shite Head Boy like you were. I actually care for the students' safety."

"Right, so like you cared for my safety when you tried to keep me from playing Quidditch."

Goldstein shook his head and said threateningly, "We'll see who ends up being right on that one. Plus, I hear you don't even have a full team yet, so you may not even get to play."

"I'm doing just fine," Draco responded, "Greengrass here is actually joining the team," he nodded his head toward Astoria.

Astoria blushed then glared at Draco, apparently not appreciating him speaking for her. "Actually Anthony, I've been meaning to bring that up with you."

"Playing Quidditch? You know you don't need my permission," Goldstein said this angrily, like he wished he did have the power to dictate who could and could not play Quidditch.

"Well practices are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings and I have prefect duties at those same times."

Draco sighed, anticipating where this conversation was going before Astoria did.

"I can't help you. You committed to those days. If you skip out on your duties, I'll have take your badge away."

"I could switch with someone else," Astoria said hopefully.

"You could, but I can guarantee no one in Ravenclaw will switch with you just so you can help out the Slytherin Quidditch team. And if I recall correctly the other Slytherin prefects you could switch with are also on the team."

He smiled cruelly and Draco wanted to punch him. "It's too bad Slytherin has so few prefects this year," he added.

Astoria looked taken aback, and Draco thought maybe she hadn't seen this side of Goldstein before. Draco seemed to bring it out in him; he wasn't sure if he should feel proud or disgusted by that.

"You're really going to make her choose between being a prefect and playing Quidditch?" Draco asked Goldstein. "You're a bigger prick than I thought."

Goldstein just shrugged and left the room, unable to conceal the look of triumph on his face.

"I've never seen him act like that," Miles said eventually, "he must really hate you Malfoy."

Draco nodded, but didn't speak. She wasn't one of his five.

"I wish I could switch with you Astoria," Miles said to her friend, "but as you know, we work the same days."

Astoria looked at Draco nervously, "I'm so sorry Draco, I know I said I'd play if you helped but-"

"It's fine, I get it." he said angrily, but then gave her a small smile so she'd know his anger wasn't directed at her. He wasn't about to make her give up on being prefect just to help him out.

"You could try Granger," Miles suggested. "There are loads of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor prefects, I'm sure she can find someone to switch with you.

"Anthony would be so upset if he found out I went around him," Astoria said.

"So? He's being unreasonable," Miles shrugged, then hoisted her bag on her arm, "I gotta go, I'll see you later Astoria. Thanks for the help Malfoy."

He nodded in response, then she left the room. Astoria was looking at him strangely and he recognized it as a look that meant she was going to ask him for something.

"Spit it out Greengrass."

"Aren't you friends with Granger?"

"Hardly," he spat, affronted by the suggestion. He hadn't realized anyone had noticed him studying with the Head Girl since they sat at the back of the library at times when it was mostly empty. And Blaise and Daphne had never brought it up.

Maybe Astoria was more observant than those two. Or maybe she was just the only one paying attention to him while most everyone else was trying desperately to ignore him. "We're just Arithmancy partners," he corrected.

"But you see her regularly, more than I do at least. Can you ask her?"

He sighed, then agreed. This witch was more devious than he'd originally given her credit for. Maybe he should sick her on Granger to find the Elder wand; she'd probably have its location within a week.

* * *

"Who are you looking for?" Ginny asked as Hermione scanned the head table for the twentieth time that night.

"Oh, I need to talk to Professor McGonagall. I'm just waiting to catch her after dinner so I don't miss her."

"What about?" Ginny asked, and Hermione wished she had an excuse ready since Ginny was good at picking up on Hermione's lies.

"I really can't say. Someone confided in me, as Head Girl, and I think it needs to be escalated. I'd feel wrong breaking their confidence." That wasn't a complete lie. Ginny gave her an odd look but seemed satisfied with the explanation. Hermione was relieved, then got up as soon as McGonagall stood.

"See you Ginny." Ginny gave her a quick nod and Hermione rushed after McGonagall, catching her in the entryway.

"Headmistress!"

"What is it dear?" McGonagall said, alarmed by the urgency in Hermione's voice.

"Oh, it's nothing bad, I was just wondering if I could discuss something with you? In private?"

McGonagall nodded, and motioned toward her office. On the way they discussed Harry's next Defense Against the Dark Arts sessions and the tasks the prefects needed to complete to organize space and make sure the students were ready. They entered her office and Hermione was surprised to see Dumbledore and Snape in their portraits, looking calmly back at her.

She hadn't been in this office since the end of the battle and realized then that this was the first time she'd visited this office without Harry. McGonagall motioned to the chair in front of her and Hermione sat down slowly, suddenly feeling nervous.

"What did you need from me dear?" McGonagall asked gently, sensing Hermione's reluctance.

"It's Draco Malfoy," Hermione started, and she saw Snape perk up, but he didn't say anything.

McGonagall immediately started talking, "I should have guessed. I stripped him of his prefect duties but should have taken away Quidditch captain too. Maybe even refused his re-entry into the school but someone," she nodded to Dumbledore's portrait, "insisted."

His portrait continued to smile knowingly but he didn't speak to defend himself.

Hermione cut in, "No it's not that Headmistress. He's been behaving fine. I mean, he's still rude, but he hasn't been causing any trouble and has just been doing his schoolwork and Quidditch as far as I can tell."

"Then what's the problem dear?" McGonagall asked.

"I've been spending time with him," McGonagall seemed alarmed, "for Arithmancy, we're partners," Hermione rushed, "and I've noticed he's a bit…troubled."

"As he should be," McGonagall answered sharply. Snape shuffled again but remained silent. Hermione didn't have the nerve to look at him to see his expression.

"I was actually thinking that if he could come here and talk to Professor- I guess I mean- Headmaster, well, Snape, maybe that would help. Some he trusts – er – trusted." Hermione looked at her lap, now it was out. She stared at her hands, nervous for the response she'd get from all three headmasters.

After a long time, McGonagall said, "You are so caring my dear, but I'm not sure that would help. Severus betrayed Mr. Malfoy's side, I'm not sure he would have good feelings toward him."

Hermione rushed, "I think he does, he seemed so torn when we talked about Snape, uh, Professor, you know. And I think it would help, he needs someone to talk to."

They were silent for longer, and she was embarrassed. She wished Snape weren't in his portrait listening to this.

"And you've talked to Draco about this, he wants this?" This question was from Snape and Hermione looked at him then, but his expression was unreadable, almost disinterested.

"Well no," Hermione answered honestly, "he'll probably hex me when I tell him I came to talk to all of you. But I think I can get him here, if you agree." She directed the last request to McGonagall, since she wasn't sure she needed Snape's permission. He was a portrait under the current headmistress's orders after all.

McGonagall turned to Dumbledore, who had stayed silent so far in the conversation. He was giving Hermione a small smile. "I won't hear the end of this if I say no, will I?" McGonagall asked.

Dumbledore simply responded with, "I'd love to see how Mr. Malfoy is doing these days." As if they were the greatest friends and the boy hadn't been the cause of his untimely death.

"And you?" McGonagall looked at Snape next.

"Fine," he said, "if he comes willingly," he paused to give Hermione a look like he thought this was completely unlikely, "I'll talk to him."

Hermione began to second guess her plan. Maybe this wouldn't go well, Snape was terrible. But she thought maybe he and Malfoy spoke the same Slytherin language. Maybe he could get through to Malfoy. She was already all in anyway, so she and McGonagall agreed on a time for Hermione to bring Malfoy to the office after their next planned study session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing the scenes in this chapter so I hope you all enjoyed reading them. Thanks for sticking with the story so far, there is so much more to come...


	7. The Portraits

**Chapter 7 – The Portraits**

Draco was spreading jam on a piece of toast in the Great Hall on a particularly grey morning. The clouds overhead looked like they were overflowing with rain and would burst any minute. He was glad his team didn't have practice on Thursdays. "Here," Draco started at the unexpected voice behind him, then turned to find Goldstein holding a piece of parchment out for him.

Draco's eyes narrowed, but the scrap of parchment didn't appear to be cursed, so he grabbed it and read it quickly. It was their Quidditch schedule, but the series of games was listed in reverse. The first match was always Slytherin versus Gryffindor, then Slytherin played Ravenclaw, then Hufflepuff.

There had only ever been two exceptions in all of Hogwarts' history. Once was the year Draco was hurt by that hideous hippogriff and his father had forced Dumbledore to move the schedule around to accommodate his injury. The other break in the schedule was hundreds of years before Draco's time, he didn't know the specifics. Granger probably did, that was just the type of useless information she'd pride herself on knowing.

Draco scowled, "Why is it reversed?" he asked Goldstein. Goldstein seemed just as upset by the change as he did.

"McGonagall thought it would be best if we didn't start the season with a Gryffindor/Slytherin match and all that might imply." Draco sighed and rolled his eyes. He was annoyed, but not surprised.

He figured McGonagall didn't want to start the year off with a recap of the Dark Lord versus Potter battle on the Quidditch field. Though it was not lost on Draco that he was the person being compared to the Dark Lord in this scenario.

Blaise had joined their conversation and was reading the parchment over Draco's shoulder. "Sweet," he chimed in, "we have an extra two weeks before our first match."

Draco smiled; he hadn't noticed this at first. Usually the first match included Slytherin but now it was between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. He looked back at Goldstein, "How's Corner doing with having his first match moved up two weeks?"

Goldstein replied nastily, "How's Greengrass doing with deciding between playing Quidditch and being a prefect?"

Draco looked back at the Head Boy darkly. He hadn't spoken to Granger yet, but he planned to do so at their meeting that Sunday. He was more determined than ever to get Astoria on the team. Even if she didn't turn out to be very good, he'd make sure she played in their first match. It would be worth it to see Goldstein's look at having been out-played.

"Fuck off Goldstein."

"Ten points from Slytherin for language Malfoy," Blaise kicked Draco under the table before he could say more.

"That guy really hates you," Blaise said when the Head Boy had returned to his seat at the Ravenclaw table. "What did you do? Hex him during the final battle or something?"

"I didn't fight in that battle," Draco responded automatically. Blaise raised his eyebrows questioningly, but Draco ignored him and went back to his toast. He didn't have time to puzzle over Goldstein's motivations for hating him. He had to focus on filling his Quidditch team.

Draco looked over at the Gryffindor table and saw Granger talking to the Weasley girl with her back to him. He considered their last meeting together when he had been so pathetically depressed. That had been embarrassing.

The more Draco got to know her the more he was realizing that he wouldn't be able to get through to her using spells or other trickery, she was way too cautious around him. But it was obvious she wanted Draco to open up to her. She probably saw him as her next charity case.

Maybe she was starting a club for miserable ex-Death Eaters. But he also knew that confiding in her was probably the only way to get her to trust him.

_Opening up, being vulnerable, I know it's really uncomfortable._

_Uncomfortable - that's the understatement of the fucking century, Granger._

But his mother's condition was getting worse so Draco figured getting uncomfortable was the least he could do. Maybe he could use this Astoria request to his advantage. Granger may see him asking her for a favor as a sign of friendship, then later she'd be more willing to speak openly with him.

He sighed, it was stupid, she'd probably just become more suspicious than ever. Draco knew that getting Astoria onto the team only solved half of his Quidditch problems anyway since he still needed a beater.

Blaise thought Astoria would be able to get Jones to play in matches since apparently Jones had a giant crush on the witch. Draco winced when he thought of what Astoria would ask of him when Draco requested that favor. He'd probably have to agree to escort the first years all around the bloody school.

* * *

Draco almost skipped his trip back to the Manor that weekend after the terrible mood his trip home had left him in last time. But guilt made him go home anyway and he was relieved to find his mother hadn't gotten any worse, _Thank Salazar_ , and she didn't bring up Potter or Draco's scheme to steal the Elder Wand.

His mother was pleasant and oddly polite all afternoon, then he realized why when she said calmly over tea, "When are you planning to visit your father?"

Draco's hands tensed over the teacup he was holding and he placed it back on the tray so he wouldn't accidentally break it. "Never," he said through gritted teeth.

His mother looked at him sternly and Draco felt like he was young again and had been caught stealing sweets from the kitchen. But Draco wasn't a child anymore and he stared back at her defiantly. Her blue eyes softened then and she pleaded, "He loves you and he's alone. No one has been to see him in months. He must think-"

"I don't care what he thinks," Draco cut in.

"I know you blame him-"

"Because it's his fault," he stood then and started to pace the room.

"He thought he was doing what was best for our family," his mother said calmly.

"He was wrong."

"He made a mistake. We all did, you included. Everyone deserves a second chance Draco."

"I was young!" Draco said defensively. "And I was just following his lead. I had no idea what I was doing." He paused. This was the type of thing Draco would only ever admit to his mother.

He continued then, "What was Father's excuse?"

His mother sighed and he saw tears well behind her eyes and felt guilty, but she had brought this subject up, not him.

"Draco, your father was proud and misguided and he never imagined the danger he was putting us all in at the start. We can't just abandon him-"

"I can't go there," Draco said with finality. "I'm sorry mother. I can't see him. Not alone."

"You could take Nessie," she suggested weakly.

"You know that doesn't count." His mother looked down at her hands, then nodded in acquiescence.

Draco's heart went out to her. He knew she loved and missed her husband but he couldn't return the sentiment. Her weekly letters to his father would have to sustain him until his mother was well enough to visit herself.

Draco sat back on the chair next to her bed and laid his right hand on her clasped ones. "Please mother, just let me focus on helping you. Once this is done, we can talk about this again."

"Fine," she said firmly and when she finally looked back at him all the tears were gone from her eyes and her expression was blank.

"Where do you want me to take you today?" Draco asked his mother, hoping he could make it up to her by distracting her from thoughts of her husband.

His mother shook her head and motioned toward the piano at the edge of the room. "Just play for me today."

Draco nodded and stood, then walked over to the piano. He sat at the upright and rifled through the pages on the music stand until he found her favorite piece.

As Draco started to play the dark thoughts of his father that were threatening to overtake his mind floated away as he focused on the music coming from the instrument. He would have to remember to try this at school; this was an excellent way of clearing his mind without having to use Occlumency.

* * *

Tonight was the night Hermione was supposed to get Malfoy into McGonagall's office to talk to Snape, but she still didn't have a plan for getting him to agree to go. She decided she'd just wing it. She had always been a big planner but traveling around with Harry for a year had taught her that sometimes going with the flow worked just as well.

Malfoy was in a weird mood. He hadn't teased her at all and was acting almost polite, but in a fake way. He seemed to be waiting for something. Hermione wondered if he knew of her plan but she couldn't figure out how since McGonagall wouldn't have told anyone.

"I need one more unique use of the Protean charm, I only have four," he was saying, holding his quill over his parchment while he thought.

"What do you already have?" she asked.

"Linked journals between correspondents, two-way mirrors, matching watches charmed to alert the wearers of their next meeting time, and linked bulletins boards, so you only have to keep one up to date."

"Clever," she remarked, thinking they could use that last one for the announcement boards they kept in the house common rooms. She could keep the master in the prefect office and would only have to keep that one up to date instead of all four.

Draco nodded, but didn't stop to gloat, "I can't think of another."

"Have you considered whether the Protean Charm could be used for live beings as well as objects?" Hermione asked pensively. "That would open up a lot more possibilities."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, have you heard of voodoo dolls? They are from Muggle stories."

Draco shook his head and he didn't tease her about mentioning Muggles, or even wince when she brought them up. Their conversations had gotten a lot easier lately. "What do they do?" he asked curiously.

"It's kind of macabre. You make a doll that is meant to represent a particular person. Then as you harm the doll, the person the dolls represents feels the pain in the same spot where you harmed the doll."

"That's sick, Granger."

"Yeah, but it's from Muggle legends about magic. And I wondered, since a lot of their legends about witches and wizards ended up being true, if it was like a dark magic version of the Protean Charm."

Malfoy was silent, then pulled the Charms book close to him and started reading. After reading the page on Protean charms again he straightened up and smiled at her brightly. Hermione was caught off guard, she didn't think she'd ever seen Malfoy smile before. She'd seen a lifetime's worth of smirks, but this was different.

"What?" she asked, suddenly curious about what had made him so happy.

"You could use this for healing. If that vooloo-"

"Voo-doo," Hermione corrected.

"Yeah, that. If that's possible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, say I poisoned you," Hermione gave him a stern look but Malfoy just smirked at her and continued, "and you went to St. Mungo's. If it was a slow-release poison, they'd need to monitor you while they worked on the antidote to make sure it didn't get worse. Usually they just stick a healer in your room to watch you, but that's a waste of a whole healer.

"They could make a doll, to represent you, and maybe it could change colors as different parts of your body become affected by the poison. It'd be easier to track a doll than have to be next to you in person. They could track multiple dolls at once in case they needed to keep an eye on the whole wing."

Hermione grinned back at him, finding his excitement contagious. "That's right, that would probably work. They actually have something kind of like that in Muggle hospitals, but they hook patients up to these monitors with needles," Malfoy cringed, "then they can keep track of everyone and the monitors beep when something is going wrong, so the healers can respond."

Malfoy didn't seem interested in the Muggle monitors and started writing on his parchment and Hermione watched him, wondering why that idea had caused him to be so happy. Did he have someone with an illness he needed to track?

She doubted his sudden excitement was related to being able to finish his Charms assignment. Hermione wanted to ask him more about it, but he was in a good mood now and she wasn't sure if this line of questioning would take them down a dark path, so she decided to ignore it for now.

Malfoy finished writing just as the alarm on his wand went off. They both packed their bags and left the library together. Hermione was trying to work up the courage to speak to him when he said, "Granger, I need a favor."

She was shocked. This was too easy. "What?"

"It's Astoria Greengrass, she's a Slytherin prefect." Hermione nodded, she knew all the prefects, even the ones that weren't technically her responsibility.

"Well, she wants to play Quidditch but Goldstein won't let her switch out the days she has prefect duties. They conflict with practice days now. I'd switch practice, but we already have to coordinate with the other teams." He trailed off, then looked back at her, bracing himself for her response.

She could help him easily. It wouldn't be hard to find someone to switch days with Astoria, but she needed to make this seem like a bigger deal than it was, "I'm really not supposed to meddle with Ravenclaw and Slytherin, Anthony and I agreed-"

"Come on Granger," he cut in, "He's just being a prat because he hates me. Greengrass hasn't done anything wrong and she's being made to choose between playing Quidditch and being a prefect."

"I'll help. But first I need you to come with me somewhere," Hermione said.

Malfoy stepped back, confused by her unexpected request, "Why?"

"I'll explain when we get there."

He studied her for a few seconds, then motioned for her to lead the way. While they were walking he said, "If I didn't know you were such a goodie-two-shoes I'd guess you were taking me somewhere private to finish me off. But you could have tried that a hundred times already."

"I'm glad you accept that my skill is superior to yours."

"I said 'tried.' I would have obviously come out victorious, but then would have had the nasty time of pleading my case to the Wizangamut again. Everyone would undoubtedly take your side so I'd probably just have to flee-"

They'd just turned the corridor heading to the Headmistress' office and Malfoy must have guessed at their destination, because he stopped dead in his tracks and said "No," as he turned the other way.

"Then I guess you don't want help with Astoria Greengrass?" Hermione crossed her arms.

He paused his retreat and turned back toward her, his gaze stormy and he stared at her in silence for what was probably just a few minutes but felt like hours to Hermione. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to McGonagall's office."

"Why?" he asked coldly.

"So you can talk to Snape. Well, his portrait," she looked back at him and maintained eye contact, even though it was hard since he was doing his intense staring thing with a very stern expression on his face.

Then he repeated in an even colder tone, "Why?"

"I think it will help you," Hermione shrugged, wondering if his desire to get Astoria on the team was going to be enough to get him to follow her.

Malfoy looked at her then, considering his options, and she was surprised he wasn't angry. He just seemed surprised and annoyed.

"Fine," he said eventually, then marched toward the gargoyle outside McGonagall's office. She said the password, _Dumbledore_ , then they climbed the staircase up. When they got outside the door, they both stopped. Hermione looked over at Malfoy and he was completely still, like he was bracing himself against what he was going to find inside the door.

"I'll wait here, and McGonagall isn't in there, it'll just be you." He glared back at her but didn't say anything as he opened the door and stepped inside.

* * *

When Draco entered the empty office he did not immediately approach the portraits he saw lined behind the headmistress's chair, but instead paced the small foyer near the door trying to sort through the different emotions radiating through him.

He mostly felt humiliated. Granger had tricked him. She had managed to get him in here to face the two people he wanted to talk to least in the world. _He_ was supposed to be manipulating _her_.

Had she known he was going to ask her to help? Otherwise how else had she planned on getting him in here? This just proved his earlier fears that he was losing control of himself- of this whole situation. He should have seen this coming. Maybe he should just go to Potter and end this whole thing. Draco sighed, feeling powerless.

And who did Granger think she was? She was completely convinced she knew what was best for him. Draco slammed his hand against the wall as hard as he could, wishing he could curse something.

He looked down at his wand, then considered his current location. This was on his list of possible Elder Wand locations, _Dumbledore's Office_. He closed his eyes to clear his mind, trying to figure out his next move.

Draco didn't think we could just walk around and start rifling through things. The portraits would probably report back to McGonagall. But if the wand was hidden in here, it would not be out in the open for him to see without having a proper look around.

He spotted a small alcove on his right, just out of sight of the portraits and ducked into it. His plan wasn't great, but it would have to do since he likely wouldn't get an opportunity like this again.

"Nessie," he whispered, hoping he was far enough away from the portraits so he wouldn't be overheard. The house elf popped in front of him and her eyes widened when she realized her location. Before she could speak Draco silenced her.

"Nessie," he whispered quickly, "I need your help. For my mother."

She nodded, her eyes large and scared.

"I need you to look around this office for the Elder Wand. I'll disguise you, but try to be as discreet as possible about moving things and making noise while you look around. You can use your magic as much as needed to stay hidden."

The small elf nodded, then he cast a silent disillusionment charm on her. She trembled a little as the spell worked on her. It looked pretty good. She was very thin, which seemed to help her blend in well with the background.

"I'll be talking to the portraits to try to distract them. Meet me back in my dorm. You can hide on my bed with the curtains drawn if someone is in there."

Nessie nodded again and Draco only saw it because he'd been looking for it. His disguising spell was working well. She disappeared then and Draco turned back toward the portraits.

He could just make out Dumbledore and Snape's shapes in their picture frames. He thought they were looking at him but couldn't see their expressions from this distance to be sure. He paused halfway to the desk, suddenly nervous.

"How did she get you in here?" Snape's familiar drawl hit his ears and for a moment the voice he hadn't heard in so long that had always been a source of comfort for Draco calmed him. He walked over with renewed composure, ready to get this encounter over with. He could curse Granger later.

"Bribery," Draco said.

Snape nodded, "I didn't think she had it in her."

"Neither did I." Draco stared back at the man in the portrait, noticing the differences between this Snape and the last time he'd seen his old Professor. Portrait Snape was a little younger and looked more rested, but he was mostly the same sullen wizard.

Draco didn't have the courage to look at Dumbledore but could tell he was turned toward him. Snape spoke up, "The Granger girl said you've been….troubled, and thought we could help." He said this in a way that made it sound like he thought Granger was utterly wrong and the familiar sneer slightly relieved the pit that had settled in Draco's stomach.

"She thinks she knows everything but she's wrong. I'm fine."

Snape nodded at him approvingly, as if to say, _of course you're fine, you're Draco Malfoy._ And the familiarity and absurdity of it all caused him to let his guard down, and he figured he could get through this. He needed to buy time for Nessie to search the office anyway. He may as well ask some of the questions that had been on his mind since Potter revealed Snape's true allegiance during the final battle.

 _They're just portraits,_ he reminded himself.

"Why did you do it?" Draco asked, wondering if Snape would admit to loving Potter's mother which was the reason Potter had claimed he'd defied the Dark Lord.

Snape sneered and responded in a bored tone, "I'm told Potter revealed that particular confidence to a large room of onlookers while dueling the Dark Lord." Snape seemed upset that Potter had told such a personal secret to a large audience.

Draco figured that made sense, it was a little embarrassing to know Snape had pined over Potter's mother for so long and loved her enough to completely betray his side and work with Dumbledore. Draco didn't fault him though, he loved his mother dearly and knew he'd betray anyone to help her; he was doing it now.

Draco nodded at Snape. "And I wondered," he started tentatively, "why you didn't tell us. Well I understand my father, but me, after I helped you protect the school," his voice trailed off.

"It was too dangerous," Snape said sharply, "there was too much at stake. If anything had gone wrong, it would have meant the end-"

"I get it," Draco responded simply and Snape glared at him for cutting him off. But Draco understood why Snape hadn't confided in him. Draco didn't even know now which side he was on, there's no way to know how he would have reacted to Snape's betrayal in the moment.

Draco was silent for a few moments. Then he finally worked up the courage to ask the one question he really wanted answered. "Was it all a lie? When you were, uh-" he paused, suddenly embarrassed.

_They're just portraits._

"Was being nice to me just part of your job as a spy? Did you just need to get information on my family?"

Draco saw Dumbledore shuffle in his periphery, but he kept his eyes on Snape, who hadn't moved but was staring back at Draco intently.

Snape's dark eyes softened then and he shook his head slowly. "You are an impressive wizard Draco. I thought so from the first time I met you. When you took the mark-"

Snape's voice trailed off then and his eyes looked sad and Draco clutched his forearm reflexively. "I tried to protect you as best I could but," Snape sighed then, "there was only so much I could do."

Snape's response caused a well of emotions to swirl around in Draco's body - relief at having found out Snape had actually cared for him, grief at being reminded that one of the few people who did care about him in the world was dead, anger at his father for having worried for him less than one of Draco's professors, and regret for having his time with Snape cut short.

"I'm sorry," Draco muttered. He didn't mean it as an apology, he was just truly sorry that Snape was gone. Snape seemed to know what he'd meant and nodded solemnly in response.

Draco had one more question for Snape, "How did you do it? Turn your back on all that you believed, your family and friends, everything?"

Snape looked at Draco with a disappointed frown, though Draco got the sense it wasn't directed at him. "I didn't do it soon enough." Snape looked like he was remembering something from long ago, then continued.

"I never believed their lie, Draco. In that sense, we're different. I loved a Muggle-born my whole life, I was a half-blood myself, in that argument I always took Prewett's side."

Draco didn't know who that was and felt disappointed. It must have been easy for Snape to switch sides then, if he had never truly felt a part of their world. It was different from how Draco was feeling, a large part of him still believed.

Snape continued, and Draco didn't interrupt this time. "But the rest of it, the draw of the dark arts, a place I was finally accepted, the power. It took me too long to resist it. I thought I could compartmentalize, take the parts I liked and ignore the parts I didn't, but it wasn't like that. You've seen by now, you had to accept it all."

Draco nodded, this part he understood. He thought Muggle-borns were inferior and he wanted his family to remain in command. He even had a healthy respect for the power of the dark arts. But he didn't want torture. He didn't want innocent people to die and he didn't want to imprison others. But Voldemort and the other Death Eaters had been all or nothing.

"You asked how, Draco," Snape said finally, "It was the same as the why for me."

Draco nodded again, he could understand this too, though it didn't help him and didn't make him feel any better. Draco had been having doubts about his upbringing since the first time he'd seen the Dark Lord murder someone.

The Dark Lord had been wrong to kill Muggle-borns, that much was clear to Draco. But had he been wrong to think them inferior? Had all of it been wrong? Snape thought so, but Snape had loved a Muggle-born since he was a child. Maybe he was just blind to the truth because of that love. Draco was more confused than ever and felt a slight headache forming.

He sighed, then turned away from Snape's portrait and found himself looking at Dumbledore, who was staring back at him with a calm expression. Draco wanted to leave then but before he could his old headmaster greeted him with a calm tone, "Mister Malfoy."

Draco hadn't planned to talk to Dumbledore. That hadn't been part of Granger's plan either. But seeing the old wizard in front of him brought Draco back to that night and how sorry he was for what he had started. Seeing Dumbledore now also reminded him of something Potter had said at his trial.

_Dumbledore knew Draco Malfoy wasn't too far gone. He worked it out with Snape ahead of time to kill him to save Draco's soul. If we condemn him now, we'd be going against Dumbledore's last wishes._

Had that been true? He knew Potter had no reason to lie. Why had Dumbledore tried to save him? What had the old man seen in him? Draco had so desperately wanted to accept his offer of protection that night, but he'd barely been given a chance before Bellatrix and the others showed up.

Maybe it had nothing to do with Draco specifically. Perhaps Dumbledore had felt bound to protect all his students, even the ones trying to kill him.

The weight of Draco's guilt grew heavier in his chest as he stared back at the old man. Before he could stop himself he muttered, "I'm sorry," trying to put as much feeling behind the words as he could since he couldn't find more to say.

Dumbledore nodded his head with that familiar kind twinkle in his eyes that Draco had never understood. He suddenly wanted to say more, his apology seemed so feeble.

"Putting the school in danger, almost killing that Bell girl, and Weasley, even disarming you. All of it was…unforgivable," Draco dropped his head then and looked down at his shoes, waiting for Dumbledore's admonishment.

Dumbledore stayed silent and waited for Draco to look up at him before saying, "You are wrong in classifying your actions as unforgivable. I forgive you Mister Malfoy."

The heaviness in Draco's chest released then and he felt tears form behind his eyes. "You did the most important thing at the time, given the information you had at the time. There is nothing to be gained by dwelling on past mistakes. You have a second chance now and it's time to look forward."

Draco turned the words around in his mind – _the most important thing, given the information he had._ That was true, but was it enough to earn forgiveness for all he'd done?

"But you could say the same for the Dark Lord. He was just doing what was most important to him, given the information he had."

Dumbledore gave him a small smile, then said, "Well you could say that, but I'd argue (meaning no offense to your younger self) that Lord Voldemort had significantly more information than your 16-year-old self, so is likely more worthy of blame than you were. But now, you are a full-grown wizard, with much more understanding of what was going on on both sides, and the question is, what will you do with that information now?"

The question seemed rhetorical to Draco, and he was relieved. He was suddenly finished with this conversation and longed to be alone in his room, away from here. He hoped he'd given Nessie enough time to complete her search. He turned toward the door, not bothering to say goodbye. They were just portraits, after all.

When Draco reached the door he paused, not ready to greet Granger on the other side. He'd gotten something out of this at least, he'd find out soon if Nessie had discovered anything.

But Granger had still used him, manipulated him, and made him feel like an idiot. And when he faced her she'd probably just give him a smug smile – another good deed done to back up her charity case. He wished he could Apparate back to his room like Nessie.

Draco opened the door quietly and found Granger on the ground. She was sitting cross-legged with a book on her lap, completely engrossed in what she was reading. She hadn't noticed him standing there yet.

He suddenly found he didn't have the energy to be angry with her, or yell, or fight. She'd said she was trying to help him, and for whatever reason he actually believed her. He leaned against the wall and watched her read for a few minutes, finding it oddly calming.

Granger jumped when she noticed him standing there, then grabbed her heart, "Oh my God Malfoy, how long have you been there?" She started to pick herself up, but slipped and fell back on her bum. It looked like one of her legs had fallen asleep.

Draco offered her his hand and she looked at it surprised for a few seconds, then grabbed it. He helped pull her to standing and when she was upright she leaned her weight against the wall and dropped his hand.

"How much do you hate me?" she asked tentatively. Draco could tell she was bracing for a fight and that made him not want to yell at her even more. He wondered why she had gone to the trouble to arrange this if she knew he would be mad at her.

"The normal amount," he responded and she looked up at him surprised, but didn't respond.

 _I never believed their lie._ Snape had said that so matter-of-factly, like anyone with logic would know the Muggle-born inferiority theory was a myth.

_What will you do with the information you have now?_

Draco did feel he knew a lot more than he had as a child, but was he ready to give it all up? The hatred was draining and a part of him was ready to move on; he was just so spent. Granger continued to look at him with a mixture of fear and concern in her eyes and she finally decided it was safe to make a move and placed a hand gently on his arm.

Draco looked at her hand but didn't shake it off. "You'll be able to free Greengrass for Quidditch then?"

She nodded, then took her hand back and looked at him awkwardly.

"Come on Granger," he said, turning to go back down the stairs, "you can relax, I'm not going to hex you tonight."

"Why not? I mean- I assumed you'd at least yell, tell me to mind my own business, something."

Draco shrugged and she followed behind him, still wary.

"You're probably just planning some big payback later when you think all of this is forgotten and my guard is down. But my guard will never be down around you Malfoy," she warned.

Draco shrugged again, enjoying the effect it was having on her. Granger continued rambling until they got back to the intersection in the dungeons where they parted ways and he walked back to his dorm.

Nessie was waiting for him in his room when he got back. He wasn't surprised when she reported she hadn't found anything in the office. He sighed, thinking back on his conversations with Snape and Dumbledore.

Maybe it hadn't been a complete waste. He had a thousand questions running around in his head, but his chest felt lighter than it had in weeks. Draco hadn't realized how much he'd been yearning for confirmation that Snape had cared for him and for his old headmaster's forgiveness until he'd received them. And maybe this had gotten Granger a few steps closer to trusting him.

* * *

Draco was enjoying watching the Gryffindor team struggle against Ravenclaw during the first Quidditch match of the year. But with his recent run-ins with Goldstein, he wasn't sure who he wanted to see lose more, Gryffindor or Ravenclaw?

She-Weasley's flying was excellent but she'd made herself seeker and her chasers were having a terrible time. The Ravenclaws had already outscored them by ten goals. Now the red-head was frantically scouring the pitch for the snitch, hoping to put her team out of their misery.

Draco was taking notes on the players on both teams and ranking them. The Ravenclaw chasers and keeper were good, their beaters were average, and their seeker was lousy. Gryffindor had good beaters and seeker, but the chasers and keeper were lousy. Not a surprising strategy for them, he thought. End the game quickly and hit stuff with a bat.

He looked over at Potter, the Weasel, and Granger. She was reading a book, clearly not interested in the match while Potter and his boyfriend watched with rapt attention, probably wishing they still had a chance to play.

Soon after that she-Weasley caught the snitch. The Ravenclaw seeker had never even spotted it. The game ended with a Gryffindor win, 170 points to Ravenclaw's 120 points. It was a close call for she-Weasley and she seemed upset.

Draco looked back at Potter to see how he'd react to his old team's near-loss but he was smiling and clapping. Granger seemed to have just noticed the game had ended and was putting her book back in her bag. It had been a week since she'd tricked Draco into talking to Snape and Dumbledore's portraits and neither of them had brought up the incident since.

But Granger had kept up her end of the deal and Astoria was present at all the team's practices last week. Draco was relieved to find Astoria was actually a decent chaser since he'd feared the whole thing was just a big joke of Blaise's. That just left one open spot on the team for a beater.

But Draco thought with Astoria on the team now Jones would eventually come around and agree to play in matches. After just three practices it was clear to even Draco, who didn't not give a flying fuck about who had a crush on who, that Jones fancied the pretty witch.

Another added benefit of getting Astoria on the team was how upset Goldstein was by the whole situation. The Head Boy had been glaring at Draco all week. He wasn't sure what Granger had said but was glad to have the matter settled.

Draco's next study session with Granger was the next day and he had a few different plans for bringing up the subject of wands that he hoped to try if he could get her talking about the final battle. He decided it was time to test how much goodwill he'd gained by talking to those damn portraits.

"Did you get that the Ravenclaw chasers are all left handed?" Blaise cut into his thoughts, looking at the notes Draco had taken during the game. He was just finishing writing down the final score and swept his eyes up the page, "Yeah, I got dominant hands for all players except, Gryffindor beaters. But does that matter?"

Blaise looked down at the field where they were all celebrating and he could see the beaters holding their bats and said, "It looks like right for both, though I don't know if it matters. We can tell Jones and Beck anyway, couldn't hurt," Draco made a note, then looked back at the field.

Potter, Weasley, and Granger had joined the team and she-Weasley ran up and jumped into Potter's arms and proceeded to give him a huge kiss.

"Gross," Blaise said and Draco remembered Pansy telling him Blaise had liked the Weasley girl when they were younger. Draco never saw the attraction of the red hair and freckles himself.

"Agreed," Draco said, looking away toward the Ravenclaws who were retreating to the locker rooms. He regretted being so far away from the rest of the crowd. He would have loved to see Goldstein's face when his team lost. Blaise stood and looked at Draco, who remained in his seat, "Coming?"

"No, I'll wait until it's empty." Blaise nodded then left and Draco was grateful for his understanding and company. He had to sit apart from the crowd to avoid sneers and taunts and Blaise had joined him, wanting to discuss the other teams and their strategy and not minding the bad seats.

They both knew if Draco left now with so many other people around he would have a hard time getting back to the room unscathed. He'd head back to the school when the crowd was thinner.

After he grabbed his things from his dorm Draco was planning to go home to spend the night with his mother. He'd been reading up on Protean Charms all week and wanted to try to make that Muggle doll-thing Granger had talked about. He thought he could use it to track the green veins on his mother's body. It would make him feel better to be able to track her himself without having to rely on updates from Nessie.

Draco watched the Gryffindors on the field while we waited for the students to return to the castle. She-Weasley was giving a post-match talk and he wondered why she wasn't doing it in the locker room, then thought maybe she wanted her boyfriend and brother to see. She was very annoying.

He noticed Potter, Weasley, and Granger were talking quietly on the side and laughing about something. Then he saw Granger put her arm around Weasley.

"Gross," he muttered to himself. What was with everyone's fascination with the Weasleys?

She-Weasley ended her talk and the team made for the locker rooms. Potter followed the team and Granger and Weasley walked back to the castle together. Draco watched them walk back, wondering if Granger told those two morons about any of her conversations with him. His eyes narrowed at the thought.

Talking to Granger when she seemed genuinely concerned was one thing but having her repeat everything back to her idiot friends was something else entirely.

When Granger and Weasley reached the castle, Draco figured it was safe to head back himself since the stands were finally empty. He climbed the long way down to the field and walked across it back up the path to the school. He stiffened when he heard laughter behind him and realized it was the Gryffindor team walking out of the locker room, talking loudly but indistinctly. He sped up but muttered a curse when he heard one of them say his name.

"Oy! Malfoy!" Draco continued on the path, not turning around, definitely not interested in facing the entire Gryffindor team alone.

"I'm talking to you," and before he knew what had happened a wall of rocks appeared a few steps ahead of him on the path and he had to stop to avoid hitting it. He slipped his wand down his sleeve into his hand and turned around and found the entire Gryffindor team minus she-Weasley glaring at him.

Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan he knew from his year, and there were two sixth year boys he didn't know, the beaters, and a fifth year girl and boy who continued walking toward the castle.

They took a longer path around the wall, clearly not interested in the confrontation. Draco wished he could follow them, but he knew that wasn't an option for him. He was outnumbered and clearly these Gryffindors wanted a confrontation.

Draco leaned against the wall, trying to look bored. He'd managed to make it this far into the year keeping to his initial pact to only talk to five people and wasn't planning on breaking it now.

"We think you should be in Azkaban and are wondering how the hell you ended up here instead," Finnegan said to him, stopping about three feet away from Draco. Thomas stood next to him and the rest of the team stood a few feet behind their teammates.

 _Well I thought that'd be obvious, I took the train._ That's what Draco would have said, had he not been committed to staying mute.

His silence seemed to anger Thomas, who stepped closer to Draco and spat, "Why aren't you talking Malfoy? Am I not worth it because I'm a Mudblood?" He grabbed Draco's robes and Draco glared at him and tightened his grip on his wand but remained quiet.

Thomas dropped Draco's robes then and stepped to the side, making way for Finnegan to cut in, "You owe us an explanation Malfoy. After standing back all of last year and letting us get ripped apart by those fucking psychopaths and your best mates!" he shoved Draco against the stone wall. "Then you have the nerve to come back here-"

Draco cast a nonverbal spell at Thomas, hoping to stun him so he'd only have to deal with Finnegan one on one, but it missed and hit one of the beaters behind him instead. Before he could try again the other beater disarmed Draco and his wand flew out of his grip.

"How dare you try to attack me!" Thomas yelled, then he punched Draco across the face. Draco fell back against the wall and pulled his arms up to his face but Finnegan pushed him off the wall, caught his arms behind his body, and turned him toward Thomas so his face was free for Thomas to punch a few more times.

Draco tried to struggle then gave up. Maybe they needed to hit him for a while. He was sure they'd tire of it eventually. Draco slumped against the wall and Finnegan crouched with him, still holding his arms back while Thomas took the opportunity of this new angel to aim a kick at Draco's side.

He tried to stand to get out of the way but ended up twisting his ankle painfully, since Finnegan was still holding him down. He gave up and slumped back onto the ground, unable to protect his torso with Finnegan's tight grip on his arms.

 _Who fought like this?_ he wondered. He hadn't been physically attacked in a really long time. He found it much more preferable to the Cruciatus curse which was all-consuming pain. This pain was just near his side and face, nothing quite as bad as he'd experienced under the Dark Lord.

"Dean! _Protego!_ " A shield charm appeared between Draco and Thomas. Then Draco felt Finnegan go limp behind him, probably stunned. Draco tried to get up but found he couldn't move much, so he pulled his knees to his chest and laid his head on the ground and closed his eyes.

He heard muffled voices but couldn't make out the words since his head was pounding. After a few moments he felt someone next to him and opened his eyes slightly and saw Potter's face above his.

 _Fucking perfect,_ he thought, closing his eyes again.

"Malfoy?" Potter said angrily, though Draco could tell the anger wasn't directed at him, "Can you stand?"

Draco shook his head, not wanting to make this any easier for Potter who probably felt so pleased with himself for saving Draco yet again.

"Well the alternative is me levitating you all of the way to the hospital wing, so try." Draco scowled back at him, then Potter moved out of the way as he sat up and assessed his injuries.

His face was bleeding and his side was tender, he may have cracked a few ribs. Draco placed his hand on a rock jutting out of the wall that was still there and pulled himself up, then stood still and waited for his head to stop spinning.

Potter stood and watched him without speaking, the rest of the Gryffindors had gone so it was just the two of them. When Draco tried to take a step he hunched over in pain, unable to walk on his twisted ankle. He glared at Potter, who seemed to notice his predicament and was pulling Draco's arm over his shoulder, offering his support as they walked to the castle together.

"You Gryffindors are so noble," Draco said scathingly, but Potter didn't respond at first.

Shit. He'd talked to him. Draco blamed his pounding head for the slip-up. But then again, Potter was technically a professor, so Draco wouldn't count this one.

"What did you say to them?" Potter asked eventually.

"Nothing," Draco answered honestly, and he thought Potter believed him, but couldn't tell and didn't really care. He thought how he and Potter would look to anyone who didn't know them, like one friend helping another, but they weren't friends. Not even close.

Draco had tried, when they were younger, but Potter had chosen Weasley instead, which just proved how impaired his judgement was. And then they'd been sorted into rival houses and fought on opposite sides of the war, so they were never going to be friends.

After a while Potter said, "It doesn't excuse anything, but they- they just need someone to blame."

Draco didn't feel like talking anymore and they passed the rest of the time in silence. In the hospital wing Anthony Goldstein was waiting for him with Madam Pomfrey.

"Fucking perfect," Draco muttered to himself when he saw Goldstein. Potter gave him a questioning look, but he ignored it.

"I expected a Quidditch accident today, not injuries from a Muggle brawl," Madam Pomfrey said accusingly toward Draco, but her touch was gentle as she assessed his injuries.

"Some cracked ribs, bruised face but nothing serious up here, small fracture on the ankle, tut tut." She cut his shirt off him, then started on some spells and he instantly felt better and leaned back in the bed. Potter was in the doorway watching him, seemingly unsure what to do now that he'd successfully delivered Draco to the hospital wing.

"Go Potter," Draco growled and he nodded, then left. He was probably going back to the Gryffindor common room to gloat with the guys who had done this. Draco could only hope once word got out to the rest of the students the tension that had been building around him would break and everyone would finally leave him alone. Either that, or this would be the momentum needed to start more of these attacks.

Goldstein approached his bed and Draco was glad to have Madame Pomfrey there, in case Goldstein decided to add to the damage. "Going to deduct points?" Draco said coldly.

Goldstein ignored him. "What did you do?"

Draco looked back at him. He knew he hadn't done anything, they were just ready to attack him so they found a reason. Draco had cast the first spell, but that was only after Finnegan pushed him against the wall. Like Potter said, they wanted to blame someone.

"Nothing," Draco said eventually.

Goldstein looked back at him disbelieving, "You didn't provoke them in any way?"

"No, I didn't say a word," he responded truthfully. But he was sure this was going to go nowhere and he didn't really care. He laid back and closed his eyes, hoping Goldstein would just leave him alone.


	8. Scars

**Chapter 8 – Scars**

Hermione and Ron were in the Gryffindor common room celebrating the team's win and waiting for the players and Harry to arrive. Two of the younger chasers had appeared a few minutes ago but Hermione didn't know what was holding up Harry and Ginny and the rest of the team.

She was about to leave and look for them when they all arrived. Dean's hand was wrapped in a shirt and Ginny looked livid.

"What happened?" Hermione asked. Dean didn't answer and Ginny grabbed her arm and took her to the side of the common room.

"They attacked Malfoy," Ginny said in a low voice, then studied Hermione's face intently. "Not magically. Dean was punching him while Seamus held him down."

"Why?" Hermione asked surprised. Malfoy hadn't bullied anyone this year. And she hadn't even seen him at the match.

Ginny looked over at Dean, then she sighed heavily. "They say he was being a prat, but they were holding him down and kicking him while he laid there defenseless. As soon as Harry and I arrived we broke it up. Then Harry stayed back to help Malfoy get to the hospital wing."

"Gather the team in the hall for me," Hermione said to Ginny. Ginny started to argue, but when she saw Hermione's stern look, she acquiesced. Hermione stomped into the hall while Ginny gathered her teammates and ushered them outside.

After a few moments the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team plus Ron were assembled outside the portrait, looking guiltily back at Hermione.

"What happened with Malfoy?" Hermione asked the group.

No one responded at first, then Derek spoke up, "He stunned me, then, well, obviously I didn't see anything else after that."

"Why did he stun you?" Derek looked down then, and one of the younger chasers who had arrived back at the party ahead of the team spoke up, "Ben and I weren't there. When we saw the rest of the team confront Malfoy we just continued walking. So can we go back inside?"

The other team members glared at the girl, but she looked back at them defiantly. Hermione nodded and the girl and her friend Ben disappeared behind the portrait hole.

"Come on, Hermione," Seamus finally spoke up, "Malfoy got what he deserved. He's had it coming for years."

"Did he do anything to deserve it _today_?" Hermione asked annoyed. Seamus didn't respond and Hermione knew she had her answer. "I'm going to have to report this to McGonagall, you cannot attack a student."

Dean suddenly became angry and yelled back at Hermione, "Whose side are you on? You were tortured in his house!" Derek took a sharp intake of breath, and Hermione gave Dean a stern look.

"Hey, come on." Ron put himself between Dean and Hermione and she was grateful for the support.

Hermione lowered her voice, trying to keep it steady, "Dean, that wasn't him it just happened in his house. You can't go punishing Malfoy for everything from the war simply because he's around and the people actually responsible are not."

Seamus cut in then, "Hermione, why are you defending that Death Eater? After everything he's done!"

Harry added his voice to the argument and everyone was silent. Hermione hadn't seen him come down the hall.

"Hermione is right. Malfoy stood trial for his crimes and was released. It is not your job to punish him. We've all been through a lot Dean, I know." Harry added more kindly, then put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean nodded, but still looked angry.

"Let's just celebrate your win tonight, then we can address all of this tomorrow." Harry looked at Hermione for approval and she nodded reluctantly, then he turned toward the portrait hole, motioning for the rest of the group to follow him back inside.

Hermione held back as her housemates returned to the common room and eventually turned away from the portrait hole and started walking down the hall. Ron and Ginny had been watching her and followed her to the end of the corridor.

"Where are you going?" Ginny asked her, though Hermione suspected she already knew and glared at her friend for bringing it up in front of Ron.

"You know where," she whispered, but Ron asked, "Where?"

She looked at him, then back at Ginny, "I need to go check on Malfoy in the hospital wing. I'm Head Girl and it's part of my duties."

"I already sent Anthony. He's there with him now; they don't need you too." Ginny was pleading with her. "We won, let's celebrate."

Hermione hesitated at the mention of Anthony. She knew Anthony hated Malfoy, he'd admitted as much when she'd intervened to help Astoria and she felt an even greater pull to go check on him and make sure he was okay.

"I can't. I just need to check, I'll be right back." Ron looked disappointed, but not surprised. She hoped he knew this was about her Head Girl duties and not Malfoy, but she wasn't sure herself if that was true.

She rushed down to the hospital wing and was there in a few minutes. Malfoy was lying in bed with his eyes closed and Anthony was standing next to him, his face angry but also unsure, like he was deciding what to do. When he saw Hermione he looked relieved, then started talking in a rush.

"He said the Gryffindor team attacked him unprovoked. Not with wands though, just punched him and kicked him. He has a few cracked ribs, twisted ankle, and you can see his face. I still haven't found out what actually happened." He said the last part in a tone that said he knew Malfoy was lying.

Malfoy, who had opened his eyes during Anthony's explanation, scoffed but didn't respond. He seemed resigned to the fact that no one would believe him.

"I talked to the Gryffindors, Malfoy's account matches what they said." Anthony looked back at Hermione with disbelief and Malfoy closed his eyes again.

She walked closer to Malfoy's bedside and examined his injuries further. His torso was bandaged and his left leg was propped on a pillow. That must have been the ankle that was injured. His face was covered in cuts and bruises and he had a black eye. His injuries looked about a week old at this point in his healing and she tried to imagine how bad he must have looked when he first arrived.

"Anthony, we should go tell Slughorn and McGonagall about this since it involves both of their houses."

"You want to tell the teachers?" Anthony looked shocked, "They'll insist on punishing the Gryffindors."

Shee looked determinedly back at him. "The Gryffindors were completely out of line, they should be punished." Anthony stared at her for a while, then nodded reluctantly. Malfoy hadn't responded. His eyes were still closed and she couldn't tell if he was following the conversation. But when she turned to leave with Anthony he said, "Granger."

She turned back, wondering what he could want from her right now and a little embarrassed that Anthony had witnessed him asking for her. "I'll catch up with you Anthony." He looked like the last thing he wanted to do was leave her alone with Malfoy, but eventually left.

She walked to Malfoy's side, "Do you need something?"

He nodded slowly, hesitating with his next sentence, "My mother. She's expecting me and she'll worry. Can you send her an owl with some excuse? Something that won't upset her," he added.

It broke Hermione's heart thinking of his mother at home waiting for him. He must have planned to have dinner with her. She must be lonely in that huge house with her husband and son gone. "I'll go send an owl now."

He nodded, which she took as the closest thing to a 'thanks' she'd likely get and left to send the owl. It was another half hour before she was back in the common room where Ginny and Ron gave her a hard time for visiting Malfoy, but Harry was silent. She thought he understood more than the others how she was feeling and gave him an appreciative smile.

She knew the Gryffindors would be angry with her for turning in her own housemates, but it was the right thing to do. No matter how much of a prat he was, Malfoy didn't deserve to be punished for everything Voldemort and the Death Eaters had done.

* * *

Draco was sitting up in bed with his eyes closed when he heard her come in. He didn't know for sure it was Granger, but he couldn't think of who else would visit him. Blaise was probably the only person who'd bother, mainly to make fun of him, but Draco had been planning to go home last night and Blaise knew that. He probably hadn't thought twice when Draco didn't show up after the game.

Draco recalled that this was his and Grangers' regular meeting time. She wouldn't let something like him getting beat up by her friends get in the way of homework. He could hear her breathing near and wondered what she was doing, so he slit his eyes open and saw she was looking down at his body.

He opened his eyes all the way and saw her studying the faint pink scar where his dark mark had been. She was looking at it now not with revulsion, as he would have expected, but with curiosity.

He continued to watch her studying his arm and was surprised after seeing it she hadn't turned around and left. The mark represented a group whose primary focus had been removing people like her from the wizarding world.

Out of all the students in this school she was the one with the most reason to jeer at him in the halls, send silent hexes toward him as he walked past, and attack him unprovoked, but instead she had only ever been kind to him. A feeling of nausea unexpectedly washed over Draco and he pulled his arm toward his chest, no longer wanting her to look at it.

Granger jumped then blushed when she realized he'd seen her studying his mark. "I'm sorry," she didn't look Draco in the eye, "I've never seen it up close, I just-"

"It's fine," he cut in using a tone that implied it wasn't fine.

"I thought those would disappear when he died," she said in a soft voice. She'd stepped away from his bed to give him room, probably not sure if he was going to yell at her for invading his privacy.

"Me too," Draco sighed, "no such luck."

There was an awkward silence and he saw her rubbing her own forearm self-consciously. He was about to ask her why she was there when she said, "I know how you feel."

He didn't understand what she was referring to, then remembered Bellatrix had been carving into her left forearm when she was questioning Granger last year. His aunt was so sick. "Can I see it?" he asked her, suddenly curious to see what type of damage had been left behind.

She turned away and he thought for a second she was going to leave, but then she came back with a chair and sat down next to him. She pulled up her sleeve and showed him her arm.

There were angry slashes on her otherwise flawless skin and Draco was surprised to see it hadn't seemed to heal. Looking at them now made him nauseous, he could remember the screams that had accompanied each of these gashes.

"May I?" Draco asked and Granger nodded warily. He grabbed her forearm gently in his left hand and traced his right finger along each scar. They were ice cold to the touch and he could feel the dark magic pulsing just below her skin. This must have been causing her constant pain. He knew the counter-curse to this spell. He looked up at Granger and she looked back at him with a puzzled expression.

"I can't figure out why the magic stayed behind after she died," she shook her head and pulled her arm out of his hand, "It doesn't make sense. People's spells are supposed to end when they die. I keep meaning to go to St. Mungo's, I just haven't had the time…" her voice trailed off and she shifted her gaze to an owl flying outside the window.

Draco watched the owl too, wondering if he should heal this scar for her. He'd researched dark spells like this all summer when trying to find a cure for his mother and he was pretty sure he knew this one. But if he wasn't careful, he could make it worse.

He shifted his gaze back to Granger and watched her as she looked outside. Candlelight suited her, he decided. Her skin was soft and luminescent and her eyes shone brightly. Even her hair wasn't so bad; and hadn't really been since she'd learned to tame it years ago.

Dark curls billowed down her back and shoulders and he caught an occasional flicker of gold as the light hit a stray ringlet. She looked beautiful then and he wanted to try to heal her arm, if only to remove such an ugly scar from someone so lovely.

"I think I can heal this," he said in a low voice, and he watched her brown eyes widen in shock.

"You can?"

He nodded.

"But you won't, will you?" she asked softly. It made Draco a little sick that she thought he was capable of being so cruel. But he knew he deserved this reaction. Hadn't he been cruel to her in the past? Wished her dead even? Hadn't his own aunt given her those scars while he watched?

The scene from that day started to flood into his brain. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. When he opened them, Granger was still there, staring at him.

"What are you doing, when you do that?" she asked, and Draco was confused for a second, then realized she was talking about his Occlumency. He considered not answering, but felt he owed her something. He wanted to prove he wasn't as evil as his aunt.

"Occlumency," he said, but didn't offer any more explanation.

"You think I'm going to try to read your mind?" she asked curiously.

He shook his head, trying to find the right words to explain. "It just helps clear my mind when it gets clouded with, uh," he paused, "bad thoughts, memories I'd rather not relive..." he trailed off.

Granger nodded like she understood him completely and he was glad he didn't have to elaborate further.

"I _will_ try to heal it," he said next, motioning for her arm, "if you want." She looked back at him surprised. Draco reached for her arm, but she kept it against her chest, like she was still considering if she could trust him.

"I know this spell," he explained, then added quickly when he saw her face get tense, "I've never used it, but I've read about it. It's drawing power from your magic. That's why it stayed around after Bellatrix died. I know a counter-curse to untangle the dark magic from the spell with your magic."

"I've never heard of something like that," Granger began studying her arm, tracing the marks with her right index finger.

"It probably hurts worse when you've been using a lot of magic."

She looked back at him and nodded, "Yeah it didn't bother me much over the summer, but I didn't do any magic then. Since I've gotten back here it's been worse," she gave the wound a nasty look, then looked back at him, studying him for a few moments before finally saying, "Okay."

Draco picked his wand up from the nightstand, then waited for her nod before reaching for her arm. He held it in his left hand again while he traced the scars with his wand tip. He started chanting the counter-curse and could feel the dark magic unwind below her skin and lose some of its grip on her.

He was concentrating hard on the spell and suddenly felt her magic too, pushing to cast off the dark magic. He was surprised by how strong it was, then looked up and saw her staring at the wounds and chanting the same words as him. She must have been willing her magic to help and it was definitely working. He had never felt her magic before. He'd seen it in class but feeling the strength of it was surprising.

 _I never believed their lie._ Snape's voice echoed in Draco's mind as he considered how powerful Granger must be to get this response without a wand.

He cleared the thought from his mind and went back to his task, then in a few more minutes the dark magic was gone.

He brushed his finger along the wounds a few times, to be sure he couldn't feel any more dark magic, then looked up at Granger who was staring back at him with tears in her eyes. Draco suddenly felt uneasy and dropped her arm gently.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "I didn't realize how much it was hurting me before. Thank you."

"It was nothing." He figured it was the least he could do, seeing as how she got that wound in his house.

"You still didn't have to fix it. I really appreciate it." She was studying her scars closely, "Do you think it will heal fully now?"

"You'll probably have faint scars, but they should start responding to dittany."

Draco was reminded of the time he'd brought her dittany in Potions. At the time touching her had felt so strange, he'd recoiled at the thought. But he'd just held her arm for several minutes and hadn't blinked. He wondered what had changed.

They sat in silence for a while, until Draco finally asked, "Why are you here?"

"Oh," Granger shrugged, "I was just going to tell you that I told your mother there was an accident at the Quidditch game. Two chasers slammed into the stands, knocking you and a Ravenclaw boy out. It should explain these injuries if they aren't fully healed by the next time you see her."

He nodded, impressed with her quick lie and glad she didn't feel the need to tell his mother the truth.

"And I also didn't know if you'd want to do homework. I brought all of the books we need if so, it is our regular meeting time."

Draco rolled his eyes but said, "Sure," and she started spreading out books on his bed as he moved his legs to one side to make room. While she was pulling her notes out of her bag she paused. She clearly had something on her mind and seemed to be searching for the right way to say it.

"It was awful, how Dean and Seamus behaved. I turned them in to McGonagall and she was livid. They've been suspended from playing in the next game, given detentions, and the whole team was penalized 50 points in the cup standings."

Draco nodded. He didn't really care, but he wasn't sure why. He figured he had more important things to be worried about these days.

"You didn't deserve that Malfoy," she was looking at him intensely and he held her gaze. "McGonagall will be in to talk to you tomorrow and you should bring up any other issues like this you've been dealing with this year. She can help you."

Draco snorted in response. He wasn't sure what that old bat thought she'd be able to do for him. He didn't want to be escorted to every class like a bloody first year. Draco could defend himself, he'd just have to be more on guard.

"Can I ask you something?"

Draco looked back at her, "When have I ever been able to stop you from asking a nosy question?"

She rolled her eyes, then continued, "Why didn't you defend yourself when Dean and Seamus attacked you?"

"I tried, but I was outnumbered. I managed to get out a stunning spell, but they disarmed me quickly after that. Why? You think I wanted to get beat up?"

She looked back at him with an odd expression that he didn't understand, then a plan started to form in his mind, a way to get her on the subject of wands. "I blame the wand though," he continued. "I should have been able to block the disarming spell; I saw it coming."

Granger looked at his wand on the table, "Whose wand is that?"

Draco shrugged, "I found it." He didn't elaborate. There had been a pile of wands left behind at the Manor that he'd snatched up and hid before the Ministry had a chance to sweep the place and confiscate all of the dark artifacts. "But it's never worked well for me," he added.

She nodded understandingly, and said, "I lost mine too. At your house actually," she added, and he wondered if it was sitting under the floorboard in his mother's room with the rest of the wands he'd found at the Manor.

"Whose is that?"

She looked at her wand and said, "I had your aunt's in the battle, but I hated that wand. I couldn't stop thinking of all the evil it had done and it never really worked well for me anyway. After she died I checked her, to see if she'd been using mine. But I guess she didn't want a Mudblood's wand."

Draco almost cringed at her use of that word. It sounded so strange on her lips. _I never believed their lie,_ Snape's voice came to his mind again.

Granger hadn't noticed his reaction and continued, "The one she did have was the same wood as mine, vine wood, but it must have been someone else's. I left her terrible wand behind and took that one instead. It works okay, but I'm planning to ask Ollivander to make me a new one when I get a chance to visit Diagon Alley."

Draco sighed, that was an option he did not have. After being forced to torture the wand maker a few times he was sure Ollivander would not be open to making Draco a new wand. "I just want mine back," Draco muttered angrily.

"Well you can't," she said a little sharply, "it would require you to attack Harry and I won't let that happen. He's been through enough."

"Easy," he said defensively, trying to calm her down. If she shut down now he'd get nowhere. "Plus, I don't think I need to hurt him to get it back, look how he got it; we were just wrestling. You'd think transferring ownership of the most powerful wand in the world would be a little more precise than that."

Granger fixed him with an intense stare and he could tell she'd realized they'd moved from talking about Draco's wand to the Elder wand and was not pleased with the change in topic. "That was an unexpected turn of events," she said carefully, "but it's a good thing Harry figured it out. We wouldn't have won without it."

She gave him a withering glare and he stared back at her, planning out his next words carefully. "Does that 'we' include me?" he asked her.

"You tell me," she said quickly, not dropping his gaze.

Draco looked away then, back out the window. The owl was gone now. "At that time, I wasn't sure," he started slowly, "but now…I think so." She gave him a small smile and he took this opportunity to ask, "Does he still have it?"

Granger responded with alarm. But before she could say anything, Draco cut in, "Well of course you won't say. Worried I'll go steal it and carry on where the Dark Lord left off." He said this last part angrier than he was actually feeling, hoping to make her feel bad. But he could tell from her expression she knew where it was. That was something at least.

"That's not it, I just-"

"It's fine," he said sharply. He closed his eyes and pretended to do Occulmency, hoping to add to the effect of him being troubled by her distrust in him, especially after he'd been nice enough to heal her scars.

When Draco finally opened his eyes Granger was looking back at him with a guilty expression and he held back the smirk he felt forming when he noticed his acting had worked. She looked like she wanted to ask him something else, so he said tersely, "Let me guess, one more question?"

She blushed, then looked down. "No actually. I was just thinking about Occlumency and wondering if I'd be any good at it."

Draco felt as if the pieces of a very complicated puzzle he'd been trying to solve for ages had just fallen into place. It was the same feeling he'd had when he'd finally fixed the vanishing cabinets in sixth year.

This was it, the solution for finding the location of the Elder wand. He'd offer to teach Granger Occlumency. Then he could pluck the memory of Potter hiding the wand right out of her head. He tried not to react at all to her comment, he just shrugged and turned to the books on his bed, "Shall we?"

They worked on homework for about an hour, then Draco pretended to be tired so she'd leave. Once Granger was gone he called for Nessie.

"Young master called for me?" The thin elf had appeared in the same spot Granger had just vacated.

"Yes, I need you to check the pile of confiscated wands I hid under the loose floorboard in my mother's room. Bring me back any made of vine wood."

Nessie didn't question the order and apparated away quickly. In thirty minutes she was back, holding a simple looking wand. Draco had no idea if it was Granger's. He did a quick check of the last spell. Stinging Hex.

Hadn't she hit Potter with one of those to enlarge his face so he wouldn't be recognizable? This must be her wand, but Draco had no idea what to do with it. He just slipped it into his bag for now.

"Thank you Nessie, you may go."

When Draco was alone he allowed himself to smile openly. It was finally working. All those hours spent with Granger were finally paying off. And he could tell he'd gained a lot of trust from her by healing her scars. He'd need to be careful how he approached this Occlumency thing, but he knew this was the way to get what he needed from her.

Tonight hadn't been the right time to bring it up though, especially since he'd already asked her about the Elder wand. And Draco had Granger's old wand to barter with too, but he'd have to wait for the perfect moment to give it back to her. He just hoped it was soon because he was running out of time.

* * *

Draco was grateful Madame Pomfrey had given him the option of spending Monday in the hospital wing to make sure he was fully recovered. He knew news of his attack would spread around school now everyone was back from the weekend and didn't want to be in classes when it did.

They could gloat all day today and maybe by tomorrow it would be old news. He also wanted to make sure he didn't have any more bandages or marks on him when he returned to class and he still had a black eye that Madam Pomfrey promised would be gone by the next morning.

McGonagall had stopped by in the morning before breakfast. She wanted to reassure him that she'd be keeping a closer eye on his and the Slytherin's safety and assure him the Gryffindors had been properly punished. He hadn't mentioned the other small abuses like Granger had encouraged; he could deal with those on his own.

Since McGonagall he hadn't had any more visitors and was bored in the room all alone with nothing to do. He didn't even have his school books but he also didn't want to send for anyone to get them. Draco had just spent the time trying to perfect the illusion spell he'd created last year.

He was getting better at casting it for longer without becoming completely drained, but he couldn't spend too long in his head. Draco found it weakened the control he typically kept over his mind and made his worst memories creep to the forefront of his thoughts.

He also spent time thinking about how to bring up Occlumency with Granger. He wished he'd had more practice at Legilimency. He'd tried it a few times on his mother while Bellatrix was teaching him Occlumency, but he had never really gotten the hang of it and it hadn't seemed like a very important skill at the time.

He'd read up on it in the library as soon as he got out so he wouldn't be completely useless if he ever got the chance to try it on Granger. As he was thinking about the Head Girl she appeared in the doorway.

Draco wasn't surprised to see her, she always seemed to be around lately. What was surprising was that her presence didn't annoy him anymore. He pushed that thought from his mind, then looked back at her, waiting for her to explain why she was there.

He had learned from his father that silence could be used as an effective means to get information out of people. Most people were uncomfortable with silence and would start talking mindlessly to fill it. Granger was certainly one of those people.

"I brought your assignments for the day," she said, then sat in the same chair she'd occupied the night before. She looked around at his table and seemed to take note that it was empty of the candy typically brought by friends when someone was in the hospital wing, but she didn't comment.

"Okay, so Arithmancy first," she began reading through her notes from class, "Terry and Anthony had some questions on the assignment, but we've already mostly finished that one so nothing needed there. Then Professor Vector walked through an example reading performed for the Hogwarts founders about 20 years before they started the school. It was fascinating and employed this new technique that will probably come up on the next assignment, I'll just show you how it works later."

She kept reading through her notes, "Nothing else from that class." She opened the next notebook and Draco couldn't help but shake his head and grin at her diligence.

"What?" she said when she looked up and saw him looking back at her.

"No, 'Malfoy, how are you feeling?' I'm on my sickbed over here and all you care about is homework."

She looked at him surprised, "Well that would be something a friend would say. But we're not friends," she looked down at her notes, then back up at him thoughtfully, "are we?"

"Well we don't want the castle to collapse, it's been through enough," Draco responded, recalling her comment from outside the prefect bathroom which seemed like ages ago now. Were they friends? He thought not, but it would be helpful if she thought they were friends. She'd be more likely to let a friend into her mind.

"Have you ever been friends with a Muggleborn before?" she asked tentatively, studying his reaction.

"I have not," Draco said simply, trying to keep his expression neutral.

She considered him for longer, then said sardonically, "Malfoy, how are you feeling?"

He couldn't help but smirk back at her. She smiled in response.

"You're right," he said, shaking his head, "It's weird, just go back to your notes."

Granger continued through the day's notes, then at the end of a thorough review of the entire Potions lecture, she stopped and looked at him, wearing the expression he now knew meant she had a question for him.

"Spit it out Granger," he said, and she blushed slightly.

"Well I've been wondering for a while," she paused, and he waited for her to continue, "Why are you trying so hard in classes this year? Do you even need N.E.W.T.s? I'm sure your career is already set for after school."

Draco didn't know how to respond. He obviously couldn't tell her the real reason he'd returned to Hogwarts. He could refuse to answer, but that wouldn't align with his plan to make her think they were friends. He could tell her the half-truth, the hidden desire he had to get a different job after school. It's not like she was going to tell his mother or father.

"I'm trying to qualify for a job. And I'm pretty sure that free pass for everyone who fought in the final battle didn't apply to me."

Granger snorted, "I figured you'd just keep doing whatever it was your father did. Count your gold? Follow the Minister for Magic around? Oversee your house elf slaves?"

"Yeah, that's the expectation," Draco said, ignoring the over-simplification of his father's role in the Wizarding World and the house elf comment, he didn't want to go into a huge house elf debate with her right now.

"I haven't told my parents my plans. My mother probably won't mind, and my father, well he'll mind. But he's also locked up." He trailed off, not really wanting to explain his eagerness to defy his father now since he'd been unable to do so during the war.

"What job are you trying to qualify for?"

"Why do you want to know so much about me?" he asked sharply, then regretted it. Being nice to Granger did not come easily and she was being very nosy. Draco was supposed to be finding stuff out about her, but it always seemed to be the other way around.

Plus, he didn't want to admit to going after being a curse-breaker. It was one of those fantasy jobs in the Wizarding world that every kid wanted, but then eventually grew out of.

"I just-" she bit her lip and looked away from him then continued, "I don't know. I'm just a curious person." She looked back at him and shrugged, "You don't have to tell me," she gave him a mock evil smile and added, "I'll just assume the worst."

He rolled his eyes, then finally responded, "Curse-breaker."

Her eyes widened and he was glad she didn't seem to think it was stupid, "That's very dangerous, and demanding. You'll have to travel a lot, and deal with goblins."

"All pros for me Granger."

"Even the goblins?"

"Goblins don't care about which Wizarding family you come from or who fought on which side of the war," he explained.

She nodded, then considered him for a moment before saying, "Good for you, Malfoy."

He shook his head, "You're so judgmental."

"What? I said something nice," she was confused.

"It was nice, but also judgmental. I told you my desired career and you felt the need to pass judgement on it. Even though it was good judgment, it was still judgement. You're judgmental Granger, accept it."

She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it and shrugged. "Well you're impossible Malfoy, accept that."

"I do."

She humphed in response, then started packing her bag to leave. Conversation had flowed much smoother between them today. He wondered when that had started. When he'd healed her arm? Maybe after he actually started answering all of her questions? Or maybe just a series of moments that added up to this new easiness between them.

He found himself wondering again if they were friends. Draco couldn't deny he didn't mind spending time with her anymore. When she'd showed up today he hadn't been annoyed, just curious about why she was there.

He decided to save this train of thought for another time. He looked back at Granger and as she was sorting through her notes he saw his name on the cover of the Prophet and grabbed it out of her arms.

"Hey!" she said when he took the paper. "No, 'Can I please see that paper, Granger?'"

He was already reading the article on the front page when he answered, "That would be a friendly thing to say, and we've established that we are _not_ friends."

He didn't notice her reaction since he had already moved back to the article.

_**Mulciber Claims He Was Imperiused by Malfoy** _

_Former Death Eater Brutus Mulciber was finally captured last weekend by a team of Aurors investigating complaints of "suspicious activity" raised by Muggles in a London suburb. The Aurors invaded the Muggle home in question and found Mulciber inside with three Muggle prisoners._

_Aurors successfully detained the Death Eater and have confirmed the prisoners will be fine, though their identity has not been released, nor a word on whether they have any connection to the Wizarding world. It is unclear what Mulciber's plans were for the Muggle prisoners, but it is safe to assume the worst._

_Mulciber claims he's been under the Imperius curse applied by Lucius Malfoy as far back as 1996 when the two were arrested after a breach at the Ministry. Mulciber escaped Azkaban a year later along with Malfoy and claims he was acting under the curse this whole time._

_Lucius Malfoy is currently serving a 30 year sentence in Azkaban and will be questioned on the matter. The Prophet will continue to report on this juicy story as we learn more._

Draco tossed the paper to the side when he was finished with the article. Granger picked it up and put it back in her bag. He could feel her studying him. Why did everyone want to blame his family for the war?

There was no way his father had Imperiused Mulciber. Mulciber was the Dark Lord's Imperius curse expert, his mind was too strong to be able to fall under the curse for very long. Was Mulciber skilled enough to fabricate memories in his mind? Draco wondered if this would lengthen his father's sentence. Then he wondered if he cared.

Granger was still watching him, probably dying to ask his thoughts but she didn't say anything. He suddenly got an idea. It was a long shot, but he may be able to move the conversation from the article to Occlumency.

"Do you think they'll buy that? That he was Imperiused?" he asked sharply.

She thought about it, then said, "I don't know, was he?"

He glared back at her, it was a fair assumption that he might know and he wondered briefly if she was testing him in some way. He dismissed it, she wasn't that conniving.

"There's no way. His mind was too strong. He was the one who Imperiused everyone. Pius Thickness, a number of Muggles, even a few goblins."

"Yeah, but then he just claims he did that because your father told him to. It creates a mind control loop and it's almost impossible to detect the truth." Draco could see her mind turning and he was annoyed at the indifference in her tone, but then he reasoned it was easier for her, no one was accusing her parents of mind control.

"That's not how it works though," he cut into her thoughts and she looked back at him.

"What do you mean? Not how what works?" she pushed a stray curl behind her ear and looked back at him eagerly.

"The mind. All of the spells that occur entirely in the mind, Occlumency, Legilimency, Imperius, are linked," she was listening intently and he wondered if she was about to pull out a notebook and start taking notes.

"If you are a skilled Occlumens, you can't really fall under the Imperius, or not for very long, since you can protect your mind. Similarly, a skilled Legilimens is good at casting the Imperius, since they are skilled in controlling other people's minds."

"Well those two skills, protecting your own mind and controlling others' aren't really exclusive, it's all related to the same skill of mind control. So if your mind is strong enough to cast a powerful Imperius, as Mulciber's was, it would be too strong to fall under one from someone else. Similarly, someone with a weak enough mind to live under an Imperius curse for years wouldn't have the mental strength to cast an Imperius on someone else."

She nodded, considering his logic, "That's an interesting theory, it makes sense intellectually." She continued to think, then asked, "But Harry, he was awful at Occlumency but he found it very easy to throw off the Imperius curse, why do you think that was?"

Draco considered for a moment, he'd hadn't known Potter had tried Occlumency. "Who taught him?" he asked curiously.

She looked back at him, as if shocked he didn't know, "Snape."

Draco was surprised. But there were a lot of things about Snape that were surprising, he _had_ been a spy. He considered what she'd said about Potter for a moment, then answered.

"I think I know why Potter was so lousy at it. He probably had the mental fortitude to be a skilled Occlumens; I heard he threw off even the Dark Lord's Imperius curses. But Occlumency and Legilimency require you to control your emotions as well as your thoughts. Potter never had very much control over those. If he could figure that out, he'd probably have been fine at it."

She nodded, as if this made complete sense. Then he asked her cautiously, "Have you ever tried Occlumency?"

She shook her head. "You didn't quiz Potter endlessly after his lessons with Snape?" he teased.

"He tried to explain," she said, ignoring his taunt, "but he never really got the hang of it himself. And when we were alone and bored last year I tried to get him to teach me again, but he doesn't know Legilimency so we couldn't practice. It's a shame it's such a rare skill. You have to learn from one of the few people who knows."

Draco's breath hitched, then he let it out, knowing he had to proceed carefully with his next words. "I know Occlumency, and Legilimency," Draco said softly.

Granger turned toward him sharply and he could see the look of alarm on her face. He kept his face blank. "Are you offering to teach me Occlumency?" she sounded like he'd said something scandalous.

Draco shrugged, then looked down at his hands and started picking at a nail as casually as he could manage.

"Why?" she asked warily.

"I wouldn't mind having you owe me a favor," he said simply, still picking his nails.

She was silent for a while and he resisted the urge to look at her. He didn't want to seem too eager. "No," she said carefully, "I don't think I trust you enough to open my mind to you, no offense. Maybe if we were friends." She added with a small smile.

Draco shrugged as if he didn't care, "Whatever Granger." He hadn't expected her to accept when he first offered. But the seed was planted and knowing Granger she'd continue to ruminate on it for a week or so, then her curiosity and desire to learn new things would get the better of her and she'd change her mind.

"Oh, hi." Granger jumped at the voice behind her and Draco looked over at the source of the greeting to find Astoria in the doorway. The look of shock on Astoria's face at finding Granger there was apparent. When Granger noticed it she blushed, then she picked up her bag and stood up in a rush.

"Malfoy," she gave him a curt nod then turned to leave.

"Granger," he responded in a mocking tone. She gave Astoria a quick nod, keeping her back to him, then rushed out of the room.

* * *


	9. Halloween

**Chapter 9 – Halloween**

Astoria approached Draco's beside slowly and looked as if she was waiting for him to explain what Granger had been doing visiting his sickbed. Draco didn't give her the satisfaction. After a few moments she said, "Blaise sent me to check on you. I'm to tell you he's too embarrassed to be seen with someone who allowed themselves to be attacked by Gryffindor pussies, and he'll need a few days to recover from the shame."

Draco nodded, that sounded exactly like Blaise. "So the whole school knows?"

"Yes," she said. "These attacks on Slytherins are getting a bit out of control, wouldn't you say?"

Draco just shrugged, unsure of the response she was looking for.

"You seem okay though, when are you getting out of here?"

"Soon. Madam Pomfrey went to Hogsmeade for supplies. When she's back she said she'd look me over one last time then release me. I'll be at practice today."

Astoria nodded and stood there awkwardly. Draco waited for her to speak but she remained quiet. She wasn't one of those people like Granger who needed to fill silences. He could tell she was uncomfortable being with him though and wondered why she'd come. Maybe she was hoping to see him terribly injured or something. He wondered then if maybe she was waiting for him to fill the silence. Well she'd be waiting a long time.

After a while she said, "I just meant to check in on you and find out if you'd be at practice. So I'll go and leave you alone," she turned toward the door.

"Greengrass," Draco said before she'd crossed through the doorway.

She turned back with a questioning look.

"Can you get Jones to play in the next game? He comes to all of the practices but he's still worried we're all going to get beat up."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Yes, and I know this," he motioned to his almost healed black eye, "probably doesn't help."

She gave him a calculating look, then said slowly, "I think I could get him to play," she paused and considered him again.

Draco sighed, _damn Slytherin witches_. "But let me guess, you want something else in return? Some more first year training? Blaise said the bullying stopped."

"Yes, that whole situation resolved itself, thankfully. Word got out that you'd been training the first years and now everyone is too afraid to attack them. So they never even got a chance to try what you taught them."

Draco shook his head, this school was full of idiots. Did they think he'd taught them the Cruciatus curse or something? He sighed but Astoria just smirked back at him.

"What do you want then?" he asked wearily.

"Do you know what Crabbe and Goyle got up to last year?"

Draco cocked his head, he had not been expecting such a random question. He'd started drifting away from Crabbe and Goyle in sixth year, just keeping them around to act as lookouts while he worked on his task. They'd been upset with Draco by the end of the year since he'd never let them in on what he was doing for the Dark Lord.

By seventh year Crabbe and Goyle had taken the mark themselves and latched on to the Carrows instead. The few times they were together their interactions were forced, since it was clear the two goons were enjoying the new Hogwarts while Draco was hating it. Eventually he said, "No."

Astoria studied him for a few moments, then continued, "Well they were awful. And you're telling me they weren't acting on your orders?"

Was this why she despised him? She thought he'd been behind whatever shit Crabbe and Goyle had gotten up to last year? "They got a new master at the start of seventh year," Draco said in a dead voice, trying to push the memory of their initiation ceremony from his mind.

"And once we were back at school, they turned to the Carrows for guidance instead of me. I wasn't fun enough for them," he remembered that had been the exact word Goyle had used. Fun. As if torturing helpless first years was fun. "So whatever they did, I promise it wasn't on my orders."

Astoria seemed satisfied with his response but continued to stare him down for a few seconds longer. When she eventually dropped his gaze, he thought she was done, but she fired a different question at him quickly, as if trying to catch him off guard, "Are you friends with Hermione Granger?"

His eyes widened, then it was his turn to fix her with a calculating stare. He figured this was some sort of test, but he wasn't sure of the right answer. Astoria was a pureblood and the Greengrass family was just as staunch as the Malfoys in their opinions on blood purity.

But Daphne had said Astoria started hating him once he took the dark mark (Draco knew how she felt, since he felt much the same way). What was behind it for her though? Was she wavering in her beliefs on Muggleborns? Or was she trying to test his loyalty to the pureblood ideals?

Draco decided to take a chance on the former, and finally said, "Yes." He hoped she wouldn't tell Granger what he'd said.

Astoria's expression was unreadable, but she moved back into the room and sat on the chair Granger had been sitting in, then said in a low voice as if she didn't want to be overheard "I've been rethinking the Muggleborn theories we were both raised on."

She paused, studying his face, but he gave nothing away. "What are your thoughts on the matter?" she pressed.

"What does this have to do with Quidditch?" Draco said tensely, suddenly feeling trapped in the bed.

"Nothing," she answered. But it was clear she still expected him to respond.

He tensed, not wanting to continue with this conversation anymore. He should just send her away; he'd find another way to get Jones to play. Maybe he could offer him a new broom too.

He swallowed hard as she continued to stare at him, then sighed and turned his head so he wouldn't have to look in her eyes anymore. He could get through this awkward conversation, he'd definitely been through worse.

Was he questioning Muggleborn theories? Honestly, yes. Not actively, but the thought had come to his mind multiple times during the war and even more times since he'd started back at school. Probably because of stupid Granger.

She was proof that the whole idea that Muggleborns were worthless was absurd; she was extremely powerful, that much was clear. But he wasn't sure if she was just an exception to the rule.

"I suppose I've been rethinking the theories too," he forced out.

Astoria considered him for a long time, and then she reached in her bag and pulled out a small, battered book. "Will you read this?" she asked, handing it to him.

He took the book in his hand and read the fading gold letters on the front, _The Pureblood Doctrine Unraveled_ , by Percival Prewett. The name sounded familiar, then Draco remembered where he'd heard it.

 _I never believed their lie - I always took Prewett's side of that argument._ Portrait Snape had mentioned that when talking about the Muggleborn inferiority theory.

He lifted an eyebrow at Astoria, then asked, "Do your parents know you're reading this?"

Her expression turned angry, "No. Are you threatening to tell them?"

He shook his head, "Just wondering. And your sister?"

"She knows, but she doesn't agree."

He nodded again, that made sense. "So if I read this, you'll convince Jones to play in our next match?"

"Yes."

"Actually, let me clarify. He needs to play in all three matches this season." It would be like her to say later she'd only agreed to get Jones to play in one match, then make Draco do something else for her to get Jones to play in the rest of the games. Maybe hand over his first born child or the key to his Gringotts vault.

She smiled, then nodded. Astoria looked at him for a while, she seemed to be weighing Draco and he found himself wondering how he was measuring up. Eventually she got up and said, "See you at practice," over her shoulder before leaving.

Draco stood up out of bed, then began pacing the room. He walked to a mirror at the edge of the hospital wing and examined his reflection. What had Astoria seen there when she studied him? Did she see the Death Eater she'd claimed to hate? Or maybe just the scared teenager he'd actually been.

Was what he'd said about doubting his beliefs true? Granger was a Muggleborn and she was good, and powerful, and caring, and if was being completely honest with himself he liked spending time with her.

 _I never believed their lie._ Snape's words came into his mind again, but she shook his head and reminded himself that he was using Granger. He sighed heavily and looked away from the mirror. He was making good progress and needed to focus on his mother.

It was getting harder to use Granger now that they were getting close, but he knew that was the way to get what he needed from her. He just hoped when all of this was over, he'd be able to forgive himself.

* * *

Hermione was having a bad week. The Gryffindors were angry with her for turning Dean and Seamus in and everyone besides Ginny was refusing to talk to her. Even Ginny was more prickly than usual since she had to find two substitute players for her next match and partially blamed Hermione for taking Malfoy's side over her own housemates.

Luna seemed to be the only one of Hermione's friends who didn't care at all about the incident, so Hermione had been spending most of her free time in her Head Girl common room with the Ravenclaw.

Hermione was also annoyed because Malfoy didn't seem to notice or care how much she'd put herself out there for him. Most of the school was angry with her for defending him and instead of being decent to her, he had been more distant than ever.

He wasn't taunting her, he just completely ignored her. Even once when she'd leaned over to ask if he had a spare quill in Runes, he hadn't even responded. She had to get out of her seat and get one from Anthony, who seemed annoyed with her too.

Hermione was currently in the Great Hall in Harry's Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson working on Patronus charms and she couldn't help but watch Malfoy try to perform the spell while she contemplated his sudden change in attitude toward her.

What was going on with him? They'd had two really productive conversations in the hospital wing, then he'd pulled away again. _Mercurial Malfoy._

Now that she knew he was pursuing curse-breaking it made more sense why he was in so many of her classes, especially this one. It was good that he hadn't let his pride get in the way of attending a class taught by Harry since Malfoy clearly didn't know how to make a Patronus, he'd only managed to make silver smoke so far.

She wondered what form his Patronus would take if he ever figured the spell out. A ferret, hopefully, though probably something more like a peacock or maybe a snake.

"Do you think his Patronus would be a ferret?" Ginny was next to her, watching as Harry coached Malfoy while Malfoy looked like he wanted to murder Harry.

"I was just wondering that very thing. We can only hope," she gave Ginny a warm smile, hoping her friend was ready to forgive her for getting two of her team members suspended.

"We probably won't get to see," Ginny responded, "he's been struggling with this one more than anyone else. I'd thought the Death Eaters would need Patronuses to fend off the dementors."

"I think the dementors just knew to stay away, so they never had to learn. Also, what happy memories would a Death Eater have?" Then Hermione felt bad for Malfoy, did he not have enough happy memories to make a Patronus? How depressing.

Malfoy looked over toward them and Hermione turned away, then quickly busied herself with making her silver otter float around the room.

At the end of the class Harry asked Hermione to stay behind. She looked questioningly at Ginny, but the red-head refused to look her in the eye. She sighed heavily, sensing what this was going to be about.

She wasn't surprised when Harry said, "I want to talk to you about Malfoy," as soon they were alone.

Hermione was ready to defend why she had thought it necessary to turn in Dean and Seamus, but Harry caught her off guard when he asked, "Why did you insist he talk to Dumbledore and Snape's portraits?"

Hermione was taken aback. Who had told him? McGonagall? Or maybe Dumbledore? Did Harry talk to the portraits when he visited the castle? He was looking back at her, waiting patiently for her response.

"I- I don't know." Harry's eyes were concerned and she stepped back, trying to think how to explain. But Harry hadn't seen how depressed Malfoy was this year, how lost. It was something you'd have to see to believe, especially since Malfoy was usually so confident and arrogant.

"I thought he would get some closure out of talking to Snape, that's all. I didn't even know he'd talked to Dumbledore," she added honestly.

Harry was looking at her strangely, then continued, "I think the two of you are getting too close, Hermione."

"You think this? Or Ginny does?" she responded sharply, recalling how Ginny hadn't looked her in the eye at the end of class. She wondered if this whole conversation was Ginny's idea.

"It's no question what Ginny thinks, but just based on what I've seen, I think you're giving him too much credit."

"So you agree I shouldn't have turned in Dean and Seamus?" she responded angrily. She'd excepted more support from Harry. "They were holding him down! He wasn't even try-"

"I know," Harry said, "I'm the one who broke it up. It's not that, I understand why you needed to turn them in, this is different. You're becoming friends with Draco Malfoy." He said the last part slowly, like he really wanted it to sink in for her.

Hermione sighed. It was kind of true, she guessed. She was becoming something with Draco Malfoy, not friends yet, but something friend-adjacent. Harry looked back at her worried and she reminded herself he was doing this out of concern for her. But she wanted to try to get him to understand her perspective. "He is different. He hasn't called me a Mudblood all year."

"Well I'd hope not!"

"And he healed those scars Bellatrix gave me," she pulled her sleeve up to show him her arm, "and he's a good study partner. But we aren't friends, we're just, civil."

Harry reached for her arm and traced the scars that had finally begun to fade. He looked back at her with a hint of disbelief in his bright green eyes.

She whispered in an almost pleading tone, "Why can't I consider forgiving him if he's different now? Isn't this the same thing you went through with Snape?"

"Snape was on our side," Harry argued, returning her arm. "He was terrible to me, but he actually worked for our side. Malfoy was just too scared to work against us. That's not really the same thing."

She thought for a second, he did have a point. Malfoy was just a coward, but he still hadn't done anything evil, and he'd been so young. But Harry was the same age as Malfoy and look at all that he'd done.

"Can you tell me what he said under Veritaserum at his trial?" she asked suddenly, "You never told me the specifics."

Harry sighed, like he didn't want to give her more reasons to consider Malfoy good, but he had been the one to start this whole conversation. She crossed her arms, waiting for his response.

"Fine. He said he recognized all of us instantly, at Malfoy Manor, and admitted that he didn't want us turned over to Voldemort. He knew we'd be tortured and killed and at that point in the war it was clear to both sides that Voldemort feared me and that I was probably the only one able to kill him. He said he wanted us alive, so we could win the war."

"So even then, when we were at his house, he wanted Voldemort to lose?"

Harry nodded.

"But why did he mess with us in the Room of Requirement if he wanted you to win?"

"He just wanted his wand, he never really intended to capture me and turn me over to Voldemort. And during the battle he never raised his wand against anyone on our side. And-" Harry cut off.

"And what?"

"Why do you want to know all of this?"

 _Because I'm seriously considering letting him into my mind to teach me Occlumency and I want to make sure he's not evil,_ she thought to herself.

Out loud she said, "I am just trying to reconcile the Malfoy I know now with the awful one from past years. Finish what you were going to say."

"Well he was a lot of help to Kingsley and the Auror office over the summer. He freely gave away information on the Death Eaters still at large. Addresses, frequent hide-outs, stuff like that."

Hermione nodded, she expected as much. It seemed to match who Malfoy was now. He was just scared and forced to join the Death Eaters because of who his father was. But Malfoy had never wanted to partake in killing and torture. He must have experienced so much that he hated, and by the end he just wanted it to be over.

"Isn't that enough then? That he didn't try to kill anyone and never really wanted to? And even tried to help at the end? You must have thought so, since you spoke for him at his trial."

Harry was getting frustrated and raked his hands through his hair, making it more untidy than usual. "Enough for what Hermione? Enough to stay out of Azkaban? I think so. But to earn your forgiveness? For how he treated us all of those years? For calling you Mudblood hundreds of times? For wishing you dead when the Chamber of Secrets was opened? And from what I can tell he's still mean."

He placed his hands on her shoulders and said, "No, I don't think not being a murderer and being a pretty good study partner is enough."

Hermione started to argue, but he added, "And I'm really glad he healed your arm, but I don't think that's really enough either."

She nodded. She had asked his opinion and he was entitled to it, but she wasn't sure she agreed. She wondered why she was even considering forgiving Malfoy, it's not like he'd ever said sorry or asked for her forgiveness.

But there had definitely been a shift between them the past week. They were getting closer to something. Well, before he'd started ignoring her again.

This Slytherin really was driving her crazy. And if trying to be nice to Draco Malfoy caused she and Harry to become more distant, was it worth it? Hermione thought how Ron would react if he knew, then she worried that maybe he already did.

"Have you talked to Ron about all of this?" she asked Harry, nervous to hear his response.

Harry shook his head, "Of course not."

He dropped her arms and started pacing the room. "Ugh, I hoped this conversation would go completely differently. I thought I'd ask you if you were friends with Malfoy and you'd just tell me I was crazy. But you're not denying it."

He stopped pacing and looked pointedly back at her. Hermione didn't respond, unsure what to say. But she was glad Ron didn't know.

Harry was watching her think, then said, "I do know what you're going through Hermione. I struggled through this same argument with my feelings toward Snape. But just because he's not evil, doesn't make him a good person.

He was still terrible to me the entire time I knew him because of something I couldn't control. That makes him a petty, unkind person. I'm not sure if you're looking for advice here Hermione, but I think you should keep your distance."

She didn't say anything. He was probably right, getting involved with Malfoy would only cause trouble, but he needed a friend and it was clear no one else at the school wanted to deal with him.

"I hear you Harry, and I know you're just trying to look out for me. Thanks." A flash of disappointment came across his face, but he cleared it quickly and gave her an understanding smile. She recognized it as the same look he gave her when she would go off on rants about S.P.E.W.

They said a quick goodbye, then Hermione headed back to her common room to meet Luna. On her way to the dungeons she considered Malfoy and if he really was worth all this trouble. But something drew her to the troubled wizard, and she couldn't let it go for some reason, not yet.

* * *

Draco was sitting on the edge of the Slytherin common room, staring fixedly into the fire. He'd gone to Hogsmeade earlier with the majority of the students to purchase a doll to link with his mother the next day. As soon as he found what he needed, he'd come straight back to the school, keen to avoid any unpleasant confrontations.

He had been sitting in this chair for most of the day, enjoying the unnatural quiet of the common room. The younger students who had been left behind knew better than to bother him. But the room was getting more crowded now as students started to get ready for the Halloween feast that night. Draco ignored them and continued watching the dancing flames.

He was trying, and failing, to keep his thoughts from drifting toward the arguments from Astoria's damn book. He'd rushed through the book, finishing it the first night Astoria had lent it to him, then he'd thrown it violently against the wall. Since then he'd been trying his best not to think about it and the person it most reminded him of, Granger.

 _I never believed their lie._ Snape's voice continued to haunt him. Logically the arguments in that book made sense, but he'd been raised to believe something else. He was a pureblood and he hated Mudbloods, that was at the core of his being.

Another core belief he'd held was that he loved his father and wanted to follow in his footsteps, but that belief had crumbled long ago, proving that Draco wasn't naïve enough to think everything he'd learned as a child was true.

Draco just didn't think he was strong enough now to completely dismiss everything he knew about his old self and start over. Where would he go next if he did that? Who would he be?

He didn't need this doubt right now, he needed to focus on helping his mother, prove to himself and her that he was able to protect the people (well the one person, really) who he loved.

He thought again of the doll he'd purchased earlier to track her illness. He wanted to focus on the charm work needed to get that doll to work and ignore the doubts brought on by fucking Prewett and Granger.

Someone sat in the chair next to him then, and Draco was annoyed to find Astoria there, but he tried not to let it show on his face.

"Did you read it?" she leaned in and whispered. He just nodded in response, keeping his gaze on the fire.

"And?" she pressed.

"What do you bloody expect?" he said sharply, pulling his eyes away from the fire. "I read it, parts of it made sense but I still have a lot of doubts. Now get Jones to play in the next fucking match. I'm sick of these hoops you're making me fly through."

She glared at him, then got up and moved to a seat at the other end of the room next to her prefect friend, Miles, he thought her name was. Draco sighed in relief, but his solitude was short-lived since Blaise took up the spot she'd been sitting in a moment later.

"Ready for tonight?" the dark-skinned wizard asked Draco eagerly. Draco just nodded in response, recalling multiple conversations in his dorm between Blaise, Montgomery, and Jones about a rowdy party planned after the Halloween feast tonight.

Blaise had planned to smuggle in a trunk-full of whiskey today and based on his grin, Draco guessed he'd been successful in his mission. It was the type of party the eldest prefect in the house would typically shut down, but here Blasie was, the primary planner of the whole event. Draco shook his head, wondering what the hell McGonagall was thinking giving Blaise that badge.

"Let's go," Blaise got up and motioned for Draco to follow, "Even you can't deny the Halloween Feast is worth attending." Draco silently agreed, but kept his expression sullen as they walked together to the Great Hall.

* * *

Draco was at the Slytherin table silently admiring the décor as he waited for the feast to start. Suddenly food started to appear on the tables and Draco smiled inwardly, the Halloween feast really was one of his favorites. He picked up tongs to grab a roll then dropped them quickly.

On each end of the tongs he saw a small dark mark. He looked down at the gold plate in front of him, and as he stared at it a dark mark engraving appeared. He pushed himself back from the table. The dark mark started to appear on all the dishes around him. The silverware, the goblet, even the decorative pumpkin next to his plate.

"Zabini," he whispered, and Blaise looked over at him.

"What?"

"Confirm I'm not mad, do you see dark marks all around my place setting?"

Blaise looked around, then his eyes widened, "Oh yeah," he reached out for Draco's fork, which had a large dark mark engraved on the gold handle, then he reached for his clean fork to compare. "Wicked."

Draco wanted to look around for the culprit, but didn't want to give them the satisfaction in case they were watching him.

"Wow, they were thorough," Blaise said, noticing the pumpkin.

Draco shrugged, "Yeah, whatever, just wanted to make sure I wasn't going completely insane." He picked up the tongs again and put a roll on his plate, trying to place it directly on the dark mark engraved there to hide it from view.

Once the roll touched his plate though, it went black. He cocked his head, then tried again with more food. All the food he put on the plate went black. He wasn't sure if it was still edible, but didn't want to try. He picked up his fork and stabbed a roll that was still on the serving plate; that one became black too.

"Whoa," Blaise said, watching him. A few other Slytherins had noticed by now and were also watching, looking amused.

"Try using my fork," Blaise wanted to see if it was anything Draco touched that caused the spell, or just the utensils with the dark mark. Draco shook his head, not feeling hungry anymore.

"No, I'm leaving," he stood, this prank had already gotten more than enough attention. He suddenly wanted to be alone.

"See you at the party mate," Blaise muttered apologetically as Draco rushed out of the Great Hall, trying to ignore the snickers coming from the Ravenclaw table.

* * *

Hermione was curled up on the sofa by the fire in her small common room looking at the Marauder's Map. She was so glad she'd thought to get this from Harry since doing rounds from a cozy spot by the fire was much better than walking around the whole castle.

She glanced at her watch, just five minutes until midnight, then rounds would officially be over. She yawned, then sipped the last of her herbal tea. She glanced at the map one last time to make sure there were no students in the halls when a familiar name caught her eye. Draco Malfoy was walking around the building.

She sighed. She really didn't want to see Malfoy right now. Maybe he'd go back to his dorm and she could ignore him. She watched him awhile then her mouth fell open a little as she realized where he was going- the Astronomy Tower.

She decided then to leave him alone. Maybe he had gone to face his demons. She could definitely pretend like she hadn't seen him. If she had been on actual rounds, she would have probably missed him in the hall, especially since he was likely using a Disillusionment Charm.

She watched his dot for a few minutes and gasped when it got to the very edge of the tower. Was he going to jump? Her heart was racing now. How would the map look if he did, she wondered.

No, that was absurd, Malfoy wasn't the type to commit suicide. She had heard about the nasty prank someone had played on him during the feast, but she didn't think that would drive him to jump off a tower.

She hoped he was okay. He'd been ignoring her all week, but she still didn't want him to be miserable. She looked at his stationary dot for another ten minutes before making the decision to go to the Astronomy Tower and see if he was okay.

She changed into warmer clothes, then sighed. Malfoy always said she was extremely nosy. He was right, but she couldn't help her curiosity. She cleared the map, then left for the long walk to the Astronomy Tower.

* * *

The cold wind felt refreshing across Draco's flushed cheeks. He'd downed almost half a bottle of Fire Whiskey with Blaise who had come back from the feast to find Draco laying in bed pretending to be asleep.

"Stop being a Hufflepuff pussy and come drink," he'd said.

Draco hadn't argued. He needed to take his mind off of Granger, Prewett, the dark mark, his mother, everything. But it didn't take long for the crowd at the party to become too much for Draco and he'd escaped the common room and started walking around the empty castle.

He had no idea why his drunken mind had brought him to the Astronomy Tower, but here he was, sitting on the edge exactly where Dumbledore had fallen almost two years ago.

He felt his mind dragging him back to that night and he tried to fight it in vain. This was why he usually avoided drinking; he didn't like the lack of control. Draco worried if he turned around now, he'd see Dumbledore behind him, disarmed, and his younger self trembling with his wand held high.

This was the spot where his whole life had changed. This is where he'd failed to make the decision to turn away.

Dumbledore had promised protection for him and his family. Could he have saved his mother? Draco dropped his face into his hands as his thoughts drifted to his mother. He was drinking, worrying about Quidditch, and reading books about Muggleborns (which she'd hate) when he should be looking for the wand.

"Malfoy, is that you?" he stiffened at the familiar voice behind him. Granger.

_I never believed their lie._

He didn't want to see her, not now. He was drunk, and depressed, and confused about his current stance on her blood status. She was the last person he wanted next to him, besides Potter, well, no, Weasley was the last person he wanted to see.

He lifted his head from his hands and grunted in response to her question, staring off at the grounds and hoping she'd leave. She must be on prefect rounds and he wondered if she'd send him back to his room or deduct points. Hopefully the latter, then she could just get it over with and leave him alone.

Granger didn't leave though, and Draco never expected she would. She had an uncanny ability to capitalize on his weak moments, and he was currently in the middle of one of his worst ones since term had started.

She sat next to him, though not on the edge, and pulled her legs to her chest, then said, "I'm sorry about the feast, that was a stupid prank."

So it had gotten around, of course it had. Maybe it had been one of her Gryffindor friends, though he suspected it was Goldstein. Draco didn't say anything, still hoping she'd give up on him and leave.

Granger was silent for a few moments and he looked back at her. She was staring off at the Forbidden Forest, though her mind seemed to be on something else. She looked back at him and gave him a small smile.

Fury took over Draco's insides. This witch and her stupid stubbornness was the reason his mother was still sick. And she was sitting here, sending him pretty smiles and pretending to be nice to him for who knew what reason, all the while refusing to trust him.

She was good and strangely powerful in a way that made no sense with his expectations of a Muggleborn and he hated her for it. Draco considered pushing her over the edge then, but she wasn't close enough, maybe that was why she had stayed a few feet back.

"I've been thinking about what we talked about," she cut into his angry thoughts about her, seemingly unaware how much he was cursing her existence in his mind. She looked nervous, and he broke out of his thoughts and looked back at her curiously, unsure of what she was referring to. Then she said something completely unexpected, "I'd like you to teach me Occlumency."

Draco stared back at her in disbelief. This was it. The very event he'd been waiting for. But instead of feeling triumphant, he felt disgusted that she trusted him. He was finally getting everything he had been working toward but all he wanted to do now was push her away.

Before he could stop himself, he snapped back, "It wouldn't work."

Granger gave him a hurt and confused look and asked, "Why not? You're the one who offered."

"You're a Mudblood," he responded simply. Draco knew it didn't make sense, but his mind was sluggish, and he just had to get her away from him right now.

 _I never believed their lie._ Snape's voice passed through his mind again.

Granger stood up abruptly, angry, "When has that ever mattered? You still believe all of that, after everything?"

 _Everything?_ He felt sick thinking about the implication behind that word. "Of course," he responded.

_I never believed their lie._

Part of him, the logical part, was questioning, _What the fuck are you doing?_ But that part was silent. He blamed the Fire Whiskey and the burning desire in his gut to get this witch as far away from him as possible before she drove him even further into madness.

Draco felt dangerous and self-destructive and he thought she sensed it. He saw her move her wand into her hand.

"There are exceptions to every rule," he heard himself say, as if from a distance, "so I won't deny you're a decent witch."

"Oh gee, thanks," Granger responded with extreme sarcasm.

Draco rose to meet her gaze, then continued, "But your blood is tainted and there's no guarantee your children-"

"Tainted? And I guess Crabbe and Goyle were just the model of-"

"Well they were the result of inbreeding, their families took the blood purity concept too far, like I said, there are always exceptions."

_I never believed their lie._

She paused, very disappointed, like she didn't even know him. He guessed she didn't. He didn't even know himself right now. What the fuck was he doing? He needed to draw her in, not push her away.

"You're not even making sense." He agreed, but something kept him pushing. He still had doubts about Prewett's arguments that had been rolling around in his mind for days, and this was his chance to air them, though the timing and audience were not ideal.

"When I do magic, I'm drawing on generations of power, where does yours come from?" he asked her harshly as he stepped toward her. He saw her tighten her grip on her wand.

"What do you mean where does it come from? I was born a witch and I have just as much power as-"

"Do you?" he retorted, "You don't even use it for lessons."

"It didn't occur to me," Granger responded defensively, "I wasn't raised knowing-"

"And that's another point. How could you be a real witch and not know for 11 years-"

"A few minutes ago I was a decent witch, now I'm not a real witch?" she rounded on him and Draco stepped back, closer to the edge than was probably prudent.

Granger backed off when she noticed and Draco considered leaving her alone then, but there was a part of him that kept pushing. "You don't belong in this world, that's why you've been moping around all year agonizing over what to do next."

"That's a normal reaction for anyone in transition regardless of blood. What the hell are you doing?" he was wondering the same thing, so he didn't respond. "I'm the only person being nice to you this year," she pressed.

_I never believed their lie._

"I don't need pity from a Mud-"

"Why are you doing this? Where is this coming from?" She seemed less angry now and was just confused. Her eyes were large and the concern Draco saw there made him sick. "I mean it's obvious you're drunk right now but-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he yelled and he grabbed her wrists, causing her to drop her wand and wince in pain. Draco was annoyed that nothing he said was working at pushing her away, maybe physically pushing her away and yelling would finally work.

"Stop trying to figure me out! Stop trying to be nice to me! I hate you! And you should hate me! We're not bloody friends, Granger!" He threw her hands down and stepped away. Before he knew what had happened, she'd shot a body-bind curse at him and he fell painfully onto his side.

Granger crouched next to him and he noticed all the concern from before was gone from her gaze. "Touch me again and I'll have you kicked out of this school faster than you can say 'Quidditch,'" she said coldly.

He glared at her but was unable to move. She continued, "I can't believe I was stupid enough to think you'd changed. Everyone has been saying how terrible you are and I've stood up for you, but you're just as cold-hearted and incapable of feeling as your dead master. I was stupid to think we could be friends." She turned on the spot and left abruptly.

* * *

Hermione ran all the way back to her room in the dungeons fueled by fury and the pain she could still feel on her wrists where Malfoy had grabbed her. When she reached the portrait of the tea scene, she nearly yelled her password then stomped into her room, slamming the door hard behind her.

She started pacing in front of the small fireplace. Crookshanks joined her and she almost tripped over him a few times, then picked him up and kept pacing with the cat in her arms.

_You're a Mudblood. Your blood is tainted._

Tears burned in Hermione's eyes then and she stopped pacing and closed her eyes tight to relieve the pain.

_Leave me alone! I hate you!_

Hermione sat on the couch and started sobbing, pulling Crookshanks closer to her and burying her face in his warm body.

When Hermione was younger, she'd had this same reaction to Malfoy's taunts. But she'd grown out of that by fifth year. She knew better now, and it had been years since she'd let that word get to her. So why was she reacting so violently to it now?

She took a deep breath and felt her sobs lessen. Hermione pet her hand along Crookshanks' back and focused on his loud purrs while the tears streaming down her face slowed. When she was calm, she pushed herself to analyze her emotions.

Why did she care so much what Malfoy thought?

_Because I thought he was different. I thought we were friends._

She'd decided to trust him and was willing to open her mind to him. She'd defended him in front of Harry, but clearly she'd been wrong. She should have left him alone when she noticed how drunk and upset he was, but she thought she could get him to talk about what was bothering him, it was so obvious he needed a friend.

But she was mistaken, Malfoy was the same old bigot he'd always been and now it was time for her to move on. This thought brought on a fresh wave of sobs. She cried for a time, then when the sobs eased again, she wondered why she was fighting so hard for Malfoy.

_Because he could be better. He could be extraordinary._

She imagined the wizard he could be if he wasn't so hateful. With his brilliant mind and sharp wit. She thought of how he looked the one or two times he'd truly smiled at her. Or how he'd looked at her almost admiringly in the hospital wing the night he'd healed her scars.

That's who she'd been fighting for, but it was a fantasy she'd invented in her mind. The real Malfoy was the one she'd seen tonight, drunk and out of control of the façade he usually kept up around her.

She'd never be more than just a Mudblood in his eyes. And the thought hurt her more than she'd ever expected.

* * *

Draco struggled against the spell and yelled out, but it didn't matter. No one was near. He'd just have to wait a few hours for it to wear off. He broke down crying but even that didn't do much to relieve the tension in his chest since he couldn't move and there was nowhere for his sobs to go.

What had he done? He had his opening with Granger but didn't take advantage. He had been doing this for his mother. Why couldn't he just use the stupid Mudblood then move on?

_I never believed their lie._

This was sixth year all over again. As soon as it got to the hard part, the killing Dumbledore part, he choked. It had even happened in the same spot. How fucking poetic.

And the worst part was that finally saying all those things to Granger about Muggleborns made him realize he didn't really believe them.

_I never believed their lie._

She'd accused him of being like the Dark Lord, but he knew he wasn't. If he was truly like the Dark Lord, he'd have agreed to teach her Occlumency, then forced the information about the wand out of her the next chance he got. Then killed her for good measure.

He wasn't pushing her friendship away because he was unfeeling, he was pushing it away because he knew he didn't deserve it.

_I never believed their lie._

Snape's comment seemed to be playing on loop in his mind now. Draco's tears continued to fall, warming his cheek before they landed on the cold stone beneath him.

"Well you know what, Snape?" He said the thought out loud, though he knew there was no one around to hear him. "Neither do I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Draco... One step forward, ten steps back with this guy. I hope you like this chapter, it's definitely my favorite so far. Also a quick note on the origin of Percival Prewett's name. Prewett is Molly Weasley's maiden name. And I chose Percival for the first name thinking he was probably some uncle of hers who she'd liked and named Percy after.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think, I love reading them!


	10. The Fall

**Chapter 10 – The Fall**

Ginny and Hermione were walking along the path to the Quidditch pitch to watch the Slytherin versus Hufflepuff game. Ginny was giving a long-winded prediction about the outcome of the match while Hermione listened politely; she had heard Ginny talk about this game all week.

Hermione didn't understand the point of agonizing over the outcome for days when they would all see what happened soon enough, but she figured it kept Ginny from teasing her about Malfoy. She'd been especially aggressive on this topic lately after Harry and Hermione's talk.

Harry had probably reported back that Hermione was considering forgiving Malfoy and clearly Ginny did not approve. As if on cue Ginny joked, "You will be rooting for _Hufflepuff_ in this match, right Hermione?"

"Oh ha ha Ginny," Hermione responded sarcastically. "You'll be happy to know we haven't spoken since Halloween."

"Good," said Ginny simply.

"Yes, but we still have to work on Arithmancy assignments together. And that'll be hard if he keeps skipping our sessions and refusing to talk to me." Malfoy had missed their Sunday session the day after Halloween, which wasn't completely surprising given the state she'd left him in the night before.

Though Hermione had been relieved when he didn't show up since she was still sorting through her own thoughts about that night.

"What happened?" Ginny cut into her thoughts.

"Oh, he called me a Mudblood and I said he was just like Voldemort."

"Git," Ginny muttered angrily. "You should have hexed him."

"I did," Hermione smiled back. Ginny looked a bit surprised and was about to ask another question, probably which hex, when Anthony interrupted.

"Hey Hermione! Ginny," he added with a nod. Ginny nudged Hermione and she ignored her friend.

"Hey Anthony, how are you?"

"Good. You look great, I like your hair" she felt herself blush a little at the compliment. Anthony wasn't nervous though, he was too confident for that, maybe a little pompous sometimes, but she generally liked him.

"Thanks," she muttered, smoothing down her hair. She and Ginny had magicked yellow and black glitter into their hair to show their support for Hufflepuff in the game.

"I'm always telling my mates how it's no wonder witches perform better than us in classes, you have to deal with complicated hair and makeup charms daily."

"Yeah, good point, I'd never thought of that. I mean, I usually don't bother but Ginny insisted today."

He smiled back at her and she blushed more, ready to move on to a different topic, "Um, who are you rooting for today?"

He laughed and she figured it was a dumb question. "Well no one wants to be seen supporting Slytherin these days. But it wouldn't be terrible if they won this one. Michael is sure our team will destroy them in our match, so having them beat Hufflepuff would be better for our ranking."

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing," Ginny admitted. "So maybe it _is_ okay for you to root for Slytherin," she teased Hermione.

"You wanted to support Slytherin?" Anthony gave her a questioning look.

"No, of course not. I support Gryffindor, other than that, I really don't care."

"She doesn't like Quidditch," Ginny explained to Anthony.

"Well I guess you can't be completely perfect, that wouldn't be fair," he teased and Hermione blushed again. Why was she blushing so much? She didn't even like Anthony like that. Hermione just hadn't had anyone give her this kind of attention in a long time.

She was supposed to be reserved for Ron, but Ginny didn't seem to mind, Ginny seemed to want her to throw herself at Anthony.

"Oh, I meant to ask you Hermione," Anthony said suddenly, "I think we should stay on, after the game, and make sure everyone gets back okay after what happened last time."

"Yes, good idea," Hermione responded.

"Okay, I should take my seat before they start, I'll find you after the game," he sped off toward his friends in the stands and Ginny gave her a knowing look, which Hermione chose to ignore. "Come on, let's go, the game's starting."

Malfoy and the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain, a fifth year boy with honey blond hair whose name Hermione couldn't recall (but should know since she covered his house) were shaking hands. Then the teams mounted their brooms and were in the air.

" _Now we get to see the teams Malfoy and Bleaker have put together,"_ Justin Finch-Fletchley, the announcer for the game, started talking.

 _Matthew Bleaker._ Hermione thought to herself, that was the Hufflepuff captain's name.

" _Bleaker is on the young side for a captain, just a fifth year. Compared to Malfoy who is technically an eighth year. Doesn't seem very fair-"_

" _Mr. Finch-Fletchley if you can't keep this commentary fair then-"_ McGonagall's voice cut in.

" _That's just one opinion of course,"_ Justin continued. _"Anyway, we all heard about Malfoy's struggle to put a team together this year, which is probably why we're seeing the first female Slytherin Quidditch player in ages, Astoria Greengrass playing chaser today and currently in possession of the quaffle."_

Hermione looked over at Ginny who was studying the game fervently with a notebook out on her lap and she decided it was probably safe then to dive into her book. She reached into her bag and pulled it out.

"What are you reading for this match, Hermione?"

She jumped and found Luna had taken the seat on her other side. "Oh hey, just a book on healing magic. I recently learned of this strange spell…" she trailed off, not wanting to explain the dark magic scars on her arm that had prompted this research, especially during a Quidditch match. She just shrugged and Luna didn't seem to notice.

"I've always thought it's very clever of you to bring a book to matches, they could go on for hours and hours, it's always nice to be prepared."

Hermione nodded. She usually paid attention when her friends played, but since this match was between two teams she didn't really know, she figured it was okay to get some reading in.

"Hey Hermione, put down the book. Look!" Ginny was shaking her arm and pointing to one of the Slytherin players, Hermione didn't know his name, but he looked normal to her, just flying around like the rest of the players. "What am I looking at?"

" _The Slytherin beater Jones seems to be working for the other team,"_ Justin was saying. _"If I'm not mistaken, he's aiming bludgers at the Slytherin side. I'm sure Malfoy is regretting this recruit."_

Hermione looked around for Malfoy and saw him on the other side of the field, flying above his team. She couldn't make out his expression but could imagine the look of rage on his face.

Just then Ginny squealed, "Oh no, Greengrass, she doesn't see it! GREENGRASS!" she yelled, but the dark-haired witch didn't hear. Hermione looked back at Astoria and saw that she was facing away from the bludger heading straight for her.

She was watching Blaise maneuver down the pitch with the quaffle in hand and probably hadn't realized one of her own team's beaters had changed sides yet. Hermione watched in horror and pulled her hands up to her face, ready to cover her eyes, when she saw a flash of green at the top of the pitch.

Hermione looked up and saw Malfoy diving into the center of the pitch straight for Astoria.

" _And it looks like Malfoy's spotted the snitch. Wait, no-"_

There was a collective gasp as the bludger that was heading for Astoria collided with Malfoy's shoulder. He almost fell off his broom but managed to stay on, then drifted like a leaf to the ground while Madam Hooch blew her whistle.

Bleaker joined Malfoy and Madam Hooch on the ground while the rest of the players stayed in the air. Hermione saw Malfoy yelling at Bleaker while the Hufflepuff motioned back toward his team.

"He didn't see the snitch," Ginny was saying, "he was just trying to protect Greengrass."

"You think?" Hermione looked at Astoria who was talking to Blaise and glaring angrily at Jones, who was high in the sky, maintaining a healthy distance from his teammates. Blaise started flying toward Jones then but turned around when the whistle blew and the game restarted.

Hermione studied Malfoy who had returned to his spot above the pitch, looking around for the snitch. He couldn't seem to catch a break; he was even getting attacked by his own team members now.

_What is wrong with you? He called you a Mudblood just last weekend._

She shook her head and continued to watch him dodge bludgers. It was clear he was hurt, he seemed to be flying a little lopsided and she wished the game would end shortly. It did seem that Jones was aiming bludgers at Slytherins exclusively. And even though Malfoy had been awful to her, she still felt bad for him. Her thoughts drifted again back to that night on the tower.

Was the Malfoy from the tower, drunk and unable to hide his real thoughts, the true Malfoy? Or was the true Malfoy the one who had asked to be her partner, healed her scars, and offered to teach her Occlumency?

More than likely they were both the real Malfoy and he was just being his usual mercurial self. There was clearly something going on with him, but Hermione thought that whatever it was, she needed to find a way to leave him alone and move on.

* * *

Draco's shoulder was killing him. He was pretty sure it had popped out of its socket. He was going to hex whoever had interfered with Jones. And he was cursing adding Astoria to the team too. He would have never taken a bludger for a bloke, but he felt he had no option when he noticed she didn't see it heading straight for her. And now he was being properly punished for acting like a bloody Gryffindor.

He cursed again and looked back at the team. Luckily the Hufflepuff chasers were terrible, they still hadn't managed to score. His own chasers were doing okay, Blaise had just scored his third goal. He could tell Astoria was playing tentatively, probably still rattled by her near hit.

He swerved sharply to avoid another bludger aimed his way and swore again when his shoulder jostled. Now both of the Hufflepuff beaters and Jones were taking turns aiming bludgers at him.

"Sorry Draco," Beck yelled next to him, "I'm trying to stop them, I have no idea what the hell is going on with Jones."

"It's fine!" Draco yelled back. "But I can't look for the snitch with you circling me, just protect the other players and leave me; I'll just dodge them."

Beck gave him a concerned look then flew away and hit a bludger toward the Hufflepuff seeker. Draco started looking around for the snitch again, swerving occasionally to avoid a bludger. At this point he just wanted the game over and didn't really care if it was he who caught the snitch.

After ten minutes he saw a flash of gold on the right near the stands, over his bad shoulder. He dove for it and saw the Hufflepuff seeker come behind him on his left side. He had about six feet on the other seeker, but the snitch was on his bad side and he wouldn't be able to grab it with his right arm.

He lunged with his left hand but missed when the snitch darted away, then barely managed to stay on his broom. The other seeker grabbed it with no difficulty since he had use of both arms.

" _Hufflepuff gets the snitch! We- uh, I mean- they win 150 to 30. Tough break for Malfoy, he would have had it if he hadn't injured his shoulder earlier. I'm sure he'll definitely be having a word with Jones after this."_

Draco barely had time to register the final score before a bludger hit him squarely in the back and he went toppling over the front of his broom and plummeted head first into the ground.

* * *

Draco slowly opened his eyes and found he was in the hospital wing in the same bed he'd occupied just a few weeks ago. It must be daytime since the room was lit and as his vision focused, he saw someone reading a book next to him out of the corner of his eye. He figured it was Granger but when he turned toward her, he found Astoria sitting there instead, focused intently on a large book spread across her lap.

Of course Granger wasn't there, he thought to himself, their conversation from Halloween flooding painfully back into his mind. He sighed and Astoria noticed he was awake.

"Draco!" she closed her book and leaned forward in her chair. "You're finally awake! Oh thank goodness!" she stopped to study his face and he wondered what she was looking for there. "Do you remember what happened?"

Draco thought back to the last thing he remembered. Slowly the events of the Quidditch game came back to him, Jones behaving strangely, hurting his shoulder when he took the bludger for Astoria, missing the snitch, then hurtling toward the ground. He just nodded in response to Astoria's question.

Draco started to take stock of his injuries then. His head was wrapped in a bandage, as was his torso. His left arm was in a sling and his left leg was in a cast, so he must have broken those.

He wiggled his toes and fingers and was relieved when they all moved, so he must not have hurt his back or neck too terribly. _Thank Salazar._

Astoria was still studying him intently. He looked away from her piercing gaze and saw a pile of sweets on the table next to him. He couldn't help but smile, this was a good sign, at least the entire Slytherin house didn't hate him for losing the match.

Astoria saw him looking at the sweets and said, "The team has been so worried, you nearly died Draco. Even Blaise was scared. He probably won't tell you, but he spent all of Saturday and Sunday with you in here."

Draco couldn't help but feel touched, he thought Blaise was just tolerating him. It felt nice to know that he might actually care for Draco.

"I have never seen McGonagall so angry," Astoria continued. "We all thought you were dead since you weren't moving. They rushed you here and Madam Pomfrey got straight to work. McGonagall wanted to send you straight to St. Mungo's, but they didn't think it was safe to move you, so they had a healer come here and help Madam Pomfrey instead."

She sighed, then added with a smile, "I'm glad you're okay."

Draco nodded, sorting through the rush of information. "What was wrong with Jones?"

"Oh, right," her tone turned bitter. "It wasn't Jones. It was a bloody Hufflepuff," he smirked when she cursed.

"He'd locked Jones in a classroom and used Polyjuice. I guess your father killed some of his family members in the war and he wanted revenge or something," she scoffed and he was pleased that she finally seemed to be on his side.

"He's been expelled."

Draco's eyes widened.

"I don't think it's enough," Astoria argued in response to his shock. "He almost killed you, he should be tried for attempted murder. That's what would have happened if he'd been a Slytherin," she added darkly.

Draco silently agreed, then wondered if he had photos of these murdered family members in the invisible box under his bed.

"I was supposed to get Madam Pomfrey as soon as you woke up, she said she'd be in the staff room so she's not far," Astoria stood and walked to the door, then turned around and walked back to him.

"I almost forgot," she reached into her robes, "Hermione Granger said to give this to you," she handed him a folded note, then stepped away so he could read it privately, but she stayed in the room.

Draco noticed with surprise that it was still sealed, then gave Astoria a questioning look. "You didn't try to read it?"

"Of course we did," she didn't look ashamed. "She sealed it somehow."

He looked back at the note and saw his own handwriting on the front spelling out _Draco Malfoy._ Granger must have taken it from one of their assignments then spelled the letter to only open for the wizard who had written that name. Clever.

He held the note in his hand for a few seconds before opening it awkwardly with his one good hand. He felt a flicker of magic release from the note when he broke the seal.

_I thought another Quidditch accident would sound suspicious, so I told your mother you and a few students were caught under a falling stone wall during castle clean-up duties._

_-HG_

Draco crumpled the note and sighed, a weight settled in his stomach as he thought about his mother. He'd missed another weekend he was supposed to spend with her. And what if he _had_ died? She would have died soon after him since no one knew of her condition. He'd remedy that immediately.

He'd order Nessie to go to Harry Potter if anything were to happen to him. Potter would take care of her, probably better than Draco had been able too.

The weight in his stomach grew heavier and he wanted to cry. He closed his eyes instead, still aware Astoria was in the room. He needed to make up with Granger and start teaching her Occlumency, he needed to save his mother, the stakes were higher than ever now. And he needed his conscience to get out of the way.

Draco opened his eyes and looked at Astoria, who was looking at him wearing an expression of extreme concern.

"Did Granger ever come?" he asked softly, not sure what answer he wanted to hear.

Astoria shook her head a little sadly, "She just handed that to Blaise in the Dining Hall, I don't think she's been by."

Draco nodded, not surprised.

"Do you want her to come by?" Astoria asked tentatively. "I can talk to her."

Draco shook his head, "She won't, I said-" he cut off, not wanting to admit to Astoria what he'd said, since she'd just started liking him again and he needed as many allies as he could get. "I was rude to her," he finished.

"I'm very persuasive," she said with a sly smile. "I'll see what I can do."

Draco just shrugged, then remembered the vine wood wand hidden in his bag. If there was ever a time to play this card, now was it.

"Greengrass," Astoria turned, and he reached painfully over into his bag and dug out the wand. "Give her this."

Astoria looked back at him confused, but when it was clear he wasn't going to explain, she pocketed the wand and left the room.

* * *

"So we'll have to hold all of the players in the locker room for a minimum of one hour before the match for the rest of the season," Anthony was explaining the new policies around Quidditch at the prefect meeting.

"Obviously the team won't be alone in there, we'll have a prefect from each of the other houses in there with them to make sure no one is using Polyjuice again."

The prefects nodded and Hermione saw Blaise and Astoria exchange bitter glances. She didn't blame them, the Slytherins had a lot of reason to be angry right now.

She knew they'd lobbied unsuccessfully to Madam Hooch and McGonagall to get the results of the match thrown out. But since the Hufflepuff who had done this was acting alone they didn't see a reason to punish the entire Hufflepuff Quidditch team and had decided not to replay the match.

Hermione also thought this wasn't fair and had gone to talk to McGonagall about it later, but McGonagall admitted to her that while she agreed the ruling was unjust, she was nervous about hosting another Quidditch match given the violence that had occurred at the last two. So it would be best to let Quidditch be over for the year.

She did agree to give the Slytherin team a 30 point bump in the rankings to make up for having to play down one team member. Needless to say, the Slytherins had not been impressed by this concession.

"So please let the captain and players in your houses know about the updates," Anthony said. "And that's all we have, so we'll finish a little early tonight. Hermione and I will be in here for the next hour if you need to cover something specific."

He nodded to her and she smiled back, then the rest of the prefects stood and started leaving the room.

Hermione wasn't surprised when Astoria approached their desk after all the other prefects had filed out. "Yes Astoria?" Anthony asked, but the Slytherin witch was looking at Hermione.

"I'd like to talk to Hermione, actually," Astoria said firmly.

Anthony gave her a hard look, then looked back at Hermione, who shrugged back at him. "I cover the issues with the Slytherin house," he retorted.

Astoria just rolled her eyes. "I know, this is personal," she said simply.

Hermione was confused, but curious to see what Astoria had to say. She wondered if it was about Malfoy, but Astoria hated Malfoy, maybe she'd changed her mind after he took that bludger for her. Hermione didn't even know if he'd woken up yet.

She'd considered going to check on him multiple times but let it alone, he'd made it clear he didn't want her bothering him anymore and she hadn't really forgiven him for what he'd said to her anyway.

Astoria was standing at the door, waiting for Hermione to follow her outside. Hermione stood and followed Astoria into an abandoned classroom down the hall. As soon as the door was closed behind them, she asked, "What do you need?"

"It's about Draco, he finally woke up today."

"Okay," Hermione said tentatively, unsure what this had to do with her.

"I gave him your note and he – he asked for you, wanted to know if you'd visited him. When I said no, I could tell he was hurt."

Hermione crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, "The last time Malfoy and I talked he called me a Mudblood and told me to leave him alone. I'm simply doing what he asked."

Astoria's eyes widened, but then her face was impassive again. What was with Slytherins and their ability to hide their emotions? Did they teach lessons on it in the common room? "When did he say that?" Astoria asked.

"Halloween night."

Astoria nodded, then considered her words carefully before saying, "I think he's been reevaluating his beliefs about Muggleborns, and I think it's because of you. He told me you were friends."

Now Hermione's eyes widened, and Astoria continued, "It's hard to give up on something that you've believed in your whole life, something that defined you. And the Malfoys, they are as pureblood as you can get. I think he's trying."

Hermione shook her head in response, then looked away from Astoria. She didn't know what to believe. She'd suspected his words felt hollow when he'd argued with her on Halloween, but she didn't know if that was real or just something she really wanted to believe.

"Since when are you such a big fan of Malfoy's?" Hermione asked, and Astoria blushed a little. At the beginning of the year she'd been one of the most vocal prefects against Malfoy, complaining constantly to Anthony about her fellow housemate.

Astoria looked back at her boldly, then said, "I was wrong about him. I thought-" she looked away, then continued talking, in a softer tone.

"Last year Crabbe and Goyle were terrible. They got close with the Carrows and would terrorize students constantly. It was mostly younger kids in other houses, but they didn't leave Slytherins completely alone. Especially not the girls," she added.

Hermione gasped and she felt bile flood into her mouth at the thought of Crabbe and Goyle forcing themselves on other students. "Astoria, did they-"

"They didn't touch me," she said sharply. "But one of my friends wasn't so lucky. I thought Malfoy knew, maybe was doing the same thing. And I _hated_ him, especially since-" she cut off, looking embarrassed. "Well especially since I'd thought he was better than that."

Hermione was alarmed as she realized what Astoria was saying, "You think Malfoy _knew?_ " It didn't match the person she thought she knew, but he was best friends with Crabbe and Goyle. She didn't think he'd assault someone himself, but would he stand by while his friends did it?

"I don't think so," Astoria said. "I asked him about it, a few weeks ago, and I really don't think he kept up with them last year. And after the Quidditch game, when he took that bludger for me, he's not as bad as everyone has been making him out to be."

Hermione just nodded, still alarmed by the revelation. She hoped Astoria was right, she'd thought Malfoy wasn't evil too and she didn't like being wrong.

"What are you asking me to do exactly?" Hermione asked harshly, then she felt guilty, she didn't mean to lash out at Astoria, but the person she was actually angry with wasn't there.

"Just go see him," Astoria said.

"He told me to leave him alone."

"Well he must have changed his mind, because he told me to come talk to you earlier today."

Astoria reached into her bag and pulled out a wand and held it out for Hermione. "And he told me to give you this."

"He did?" Hermione was shocked at seeing her wand in Astoria's hands. She grabbed it and felt an immediate warmth when her hand gripped it.

How did he get her wand? How long had he had it? He'd told Astoria they were friends _and_ asked her to come talk to Hermione? This didn't sound like Malfoy at all. Maybe he'd suffered from brain damage in the fall.

"He did," Astoria said simply, then opened the door to leave.

Astoria turned back to Hermione before walking into the hall. "I'm sorry for what he said to you, and I think he is too. He just-" she sighed, "he can't afford to lose any friends right now, he already has so few."

She stood there for a few more silent moments before leaving Hermione alone in the room.

* * *

Malfoy was sitting up in his bed in the dark when Hermione entered the hospital wing. He was covered in bandages, casts, and slings and Hermione wondered if he was in a lot of pain. Unlike last time, his face was intact, but he looked extremely tired with dark bags under his eyes.

Her eyes drifted over to the rest of the room and she noticed that this time around there was a pile of sweets on his table, though they seemed untouched. He stared back at her with a blank expression on his face and watched her walk further into the room. When she reached the foot of his bed he said in a flat tone, "Granger."

Her heart dropped a little. She'd been expecting a warmer welcome and now she wondered if Astoria had been lying before. It didn't look like Malfoy wanted her there. He was just staring back at her now, still with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Where did you get this?" she pointed her wand at him and he flinched a little, probably thinking she meant to hex him. She still wasn't sure she didn't want to.

"There was a small pile of wands left at the Manor. When you said yours was lost there, I checked for a vine wood wand in the stash and found this one. I wasn't even sure it was yours. I'm guessing it is?"

Hermione nodded. It was a small thing then, getting this wand back for her. There had been no great sacrifice on his part, but he'd still done it. And she had no idea why.

"Is there any part of you that believes I don't deserve to have this wand? Because of my blood status?" she asked angrily, remembering his words from Halloween.

Malfoy looked back at her with his characteristic blank expression and eyes, and she waited for him to respond. Eventually he said, "No," in a dull voice and she had no idea if it was sincere.

"I'm having a hard time discerning what's real with you. We get along fine, you even heal my scars, then you go off on me on Halloween just like your old cruel self. Now you're back to nice Malfoy? Returning my wand and sending Astoria to talk to me? What's real? Which one is the true you?!"

Malfoy glared back at her, then said through gritted teeth, "I don't fucking know Granger. You think it's hard from your end of things, try having to live in my head."

She knew this was a confession of sorts but wasn't really sure what it meant. She crossed her arms then, and asked as calmly as she could, "Did you mean what you said that night?"

He looked down at his lap, and she wished she could see his face, but it was covered in shadow since the room was only lit by the moonlight coming in through the window. She saw him shake his head slightly, then a tension that had settled in her chest released a little.

He started to speak then. "I lost everything, my father's in Azkaban and my mother…" his voice trailed off. "Our house is destroyed, the reputation that meant so much to my parents is ruined. This, belief, that I'm better, special, it's all I have."

He looked up at her and she could see his expression in the moonlight. He looked desperate and scared and Hermione wanted to reach out and comfort him, but she kept her hands at her side and didn't speak, not wanting to break this spell.

"I know you want me to let it go, I just- it's not that easy for me. I need to hold on to – something. You say you don't know who I am. Believe me, you are not the only one." His voice wavered and he dipped his head again, hiding his face from view.

Hermione sighed, then warily approached his side. She felt like she'd been doused with cold water and didn't know if she was touched by his confession or horrified by it. He was lost and scared and really seemed to have no one in the world. Her heart was aching for this broken wizard in front of her.

"You _are_ better than most other people Malfoy, in many regards. You are smarter, and more powerful, creative, clever, driven, even good-looking. If you need to believe yourself special, you can."

He looked up at her surprised, his eyes boring into hers. She maintained his gaze while she finished, "But it's not because you're a pureblood, and it's not because everyone else is inferior. You can be confident in yourself without having to put others down."

He didn't respond, and she sighed and waited for her words to sink in before she added, "I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, we are all trying to heal after that awful war. But I didn't go through all I did last year to be treated that way again." Hermione said this last part sharply, subconsciously grabbing the place where the scars he'd healed for her had been.

Malfoy was silent for a few moments, then he glanced at her arm, then looked back at her. "I understand," he looked down at his hands which Hermione noticed were shaking in his lap and he clenched his fists to stop them and whispered, "I'm trying."

Hermione let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She wished he'd say more, but she knew that for Malfoy this was a lot. She turned away then and busied herself by grabbing a chair from the other side of the room and dragging it to the side of his bed.

When she sat down, he cocked an eyebrow at her, probably wondering why she hadn't used magic, but she just shrugged in response. They sat in silence for a while.

After a time, he smirked at her and asked teasingly, "So you fancy me, Granger?" She blushed. She had just blurted out he was good-looking, hadn't she? And of course that was the one thing he chose to focus on. _Prick._

She mumbled in response, "You know you're attractive."

"Well _I_ know, yes. I didn't realize _you_ did." Hermione rolled her eyes, then desperate to change the subject, asked, "Did you tell Astoria we're friends?"

She thought he looked embarrassed and was glad she'd wiped that smug expression off his face. She couldn't help but grin.

"I think I may be rubbing off on you, that's a very Slytherin smirk Granger," he said in response, not answering her question. She had her answer though, since she was sure he'd have denied it if he could.

"If we're not careful the castle will start to crumble," she retorted.

He smirked back but didn't respond.

She lit her wand with a silent _Lumos_ , then shined it in his face as she studied him. He closed his eyes at the sudden flood of light, then opened them and glared back at her, holding his hand up in front of her bright wand tip. "What are you doing? Trying to get a better look at my handsome face?"

"Oh shut up. I think you may have brain damage," she said, staring into his eyes.

Malfoy brushed her off, "You wish, that's the only way you'll beat me this year in classes. Sorry Granger," he tapped his head, "sharp as ever."

Hermione sat down, then extinguished her wand and lit the lamp on the table instead. "You are infuriating," she said in a low voice, and he just nodded, like he already knew this.

They sat in silence, and Hermione wondered why she was still there. But she felt she should keep Malfoy company, he did seem really lonely still. She wondered why Astoria or his other Slytherin friends weren't with him. She looked back at his table of sweets, then helped herself to a licorice whip.

"Sure Granger, you can definitely steal my sweets without asking. Not rude in the slightest."

"Right, like you can talk about rudeness," he just smirked back at her, and grabbed a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and started popping them in his mouth one at a time.

She cringed, "You don't even look at them first?"

"Where's the fun in that?" he said, tossing one in the air and catching it easily, then he winced. "Soap."

She just shook her head, _boys._

"Do you want to play a game?" Hermione asked, taking another bite of licorice.

"No," Malfoy said simply, eating another bean.

She ignored him, "I used to play this one when I was a kid. You start with a word, then the next person has to think up a word starting with the last letter of the first word. Then it keeps going on and on. We can do it with incantations."

"Why?"

"Because it's fun. And we can check you for brain damage." And she wanted to see if they could actually sit here and act like friends, but she didn't mention that part.

"You Gryffindors and your fun," Malfoy said grumpily.

Hermione ignored his jab, thinking of a word to start with. "I'll start. _Alohamora_. Now you need to come up with an incantation that start with the last letter, so-"

"I heard you explain the rules. I'm not as thick as the morons you typically surround yourself with."

She gave him a mean look then he said, " _Accio_."

" _Obliviate_."

" _Expelliarmus_."

" _Silencio_."

" _Obscuro_."

" _Oppugno_."

Malfoy paused for a second, trying to think of another incantation, " _Orchideous_ ," he said triumphantly.

"Good one," Hermione responded, "I thought I had you." She thought for a second, then gave him a devious look and said, " _Scorgify_."

Malfoy seemed stumped, then scowled at her. " _Yconia bellus,_ " he said finally.

"That's not a spell," she accused.

"It is," he responded defensively. "It's dark magic, you probably just don't know it."

"Right," she said doubtfully, "a dark magic spell that means 'beautiful image?' Not likely."

Malfoy shook his head, "Of course you know Latin. I should have thought of something more sinister."

She laughed and was surprised when he joined in. He stopped after a few minutes, wincing in pain, the laughter must have hurt his injuries.

Hermione had just finished her licorice whip anyway, and it was getting late, "Well I guess I should leave you alone. It seems like your brain is going to be just fine."

Malfoy nodded, "I'll teach you Occlumency, if you still want." She hitched her breath, then studied his face, which was blank again. She was so annoyed how he always did that.

Maybe if she learned Occlumency she could learn that too. But was she ready to open her mind to him? Forgiving him for Halloween was one thing, trusting him was an entirely different thing.

"It's fine Granger, I get it," he looked down and she was caught off guard by the flicker of hurt she thought she saw in his eyes. "Go ahead, I'm sure it's past curfew."

"I need to ask you something before I agree." Malfoy looked back at her and she could see a few different emotions pass across his face: confusion, hesitation, then finally, hope. She found the range of emotions confusing, then paused before asking her question.

Would she be betraying Astoria's trust? It would have to be okay, she couldn't let him into her mind until she knew and Astoria's assurances weren't enough.

"Did you know that Crabbe and Goyle sexually assaulted students last year?"

Malfoy's breath hitched and the disgust and surprise in his eyes was unmistakable. Hermione was positive this was a sincere reaction and was relieved. He avoided her gaze while he shook his head, "I didn't know. I barely saw them and I would never-" he looked back at her, his gaze boring into hers, like he was willing her to believe him.

She nodded, "I believe you."

Malfoy let out a small sigh of relief. "How did you-?"

"Astoria told me." His expression turned to horror and she quickly explained, "It wasn't her, just a friend, she didn't say who."

Malfoy nodded, then put his face in his good hand, he looked more miserable than before. "No one came to me, but I guess they thought I couldn't do anything. Fuck, I was a terrible Head Boy, I was focused on diverting people to safer detentions, I never-"

He trailed off, and she felt bad for him, and was relieved he hadn't been involved in Crabbe and Goyle's exploits.

"Well I'd say they got what they deserved," she studied him but couldn't see his face clearly behind his hand. He just nodded, then took a deep breath. Crabbe was dead and Goyle was in Azkaban, there wasn't much else to be done at this point.

Hermione stared at him for a few moments, then crouched down to get her planner from her bag. "When are you free?"

Malfoy dropped his hand and stared back at her confused. "What?"

"For Occlumency," she motioned to her planner. He stared back at her, then eventually nodded. They spent a few moments comparing schedules and trying to find a regular time to meet between his Quidditch practices and her prefect meetings, and they landed on a free period on Wednesday mornings in the unused Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"Okay, we can start next week," Hermione said, standing to leave.

"Why not this week?" Malfoy asked and she gave him a look like she thought that was obvious, given his current condition. "If I'm out of here, obviously," he added.

She nodded, "Sure if you're out before Wednesday," though she highly doubted he would be, "send me a note and I'll meet you there." She gave him a final nod before leaving the hospital wing.

Hermione didn't fully know why she'd agreed to study Occlumency with him, but she felt Malfoy should know that at least one person at this school trusted him.

And she reasoned that if someone who had been as bigoted as Draco Malfoy could work on changing his beliefs, then maybe all the losses they'd sustained in the war hadn't been completely insignificant.

* * *

Hermione and Ginny were partnered in Transfiguration, practicing conjuring spells when Ginny noticed Hermione's new wand.

"Where did you get a new one?" Ginny asked casually. Hermione considered lying, saying she'd sent for it from Ollivander, but then wondered why that was her impulse. It was okay to be friends with Draco Malfoy.

Hermione completed the difficult wand work on her spell and frowned when a small clock appeared instead of the quill she'd meant to conjure. "It's my original wand, Malfoy found it for me."

A spark flew out of Ginny's wand and thankfully ricocheted off the wall and didn't hit anyone. Two Hufflepuffs on the other end of the class shot her nasty looks but Ginny didn't notice, she was focused completely on Hermione.

"He gave you back your wand? I thought you were in a fight. You said you hexed him after he called you a you-know-what."

"Yes, he apologized. I think giving me the wand back was kind of an apology." He had never said the words, _I'm sorry_ but she thought the intent was there.

"What the hell is that Slytherin up to?" Ginny muttered under her breath, then glared around the class probably looking for Malfoy, but he was still in the hospital wing.

"I don't think he's up to anything, I think he's just desperately lonely."

Ginny looked back at Hermione like she had three heads. "Oh Hermione, you can be so thick sometimes."

Hermione just brushed her off. Whatever Ginny said, she enjoyed her time with Malfoy. He'd healed her scars and returned her wand. Tt wasn't for nothing that she was trying to give him a chance. And he'd been so lost and lonely this year, it was hard to keep her heart from going out to him.

But she knew better than to tell Ginny about her plans to meet him for Occlumency lessons tomorrow. The red-head would probably have her committed into St. Mungo's in the same ward as Professor Lockhart and Neville's parents.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well she finally agreed to those lessons. Hopefully that was believable enough for all of you. I think the shock of him almost dying and his near-apology finally convinced her. Also she's a huge nerd and really wants to learn this new, rare skill. Thanks so much for the continued support. Next chapter...Occlumeny lessons!


	11. Occlumency Lessons

**Chapter 11 – Occlumency Lessons**

Hermione arrived at the empty DADA classroom early, eager to start Occlumency lessons. Astoria told her last night during their castle clean-up duties that Malfoy had been released, so she figured that meant their study session was on.

She was nervous about letting him into her mind, but she thought she could trust him. Right? And she was clever. She'd be able to tell if he started digging through her mind looking for something, and if that happened, she'd cut it off.

Hermione was still nervous though and was pacing the room when Malfoy arrived. He no longer had his cast or sling but was limping conspicuously and each step looked like it was causing him pain.

She immediately felt guilty for choosing to start so soon, then she remembered that he had been the one to insist they start this week. "Malfoy, we can skip this one, at least until you're fully healed."

"No, it's fine," he responded quickly, summoning a chair then sitting down in it. "My part is relatively easy, and I can stay seated for it."

"Okay," Hermione responded tentatively, summoning a chair for herself and sitting down opposite him. She wondered again why he was so eager to have these lessons, but the thought dropped out of her mind when Malfoy started talking.

"I guess we can start with some theory," he started, and Hermione looked toward her bag, wondering if she should take notes. "You don't need to take bloody notes, Granger," Malfoy said sharply, and she rolled her eyes and look back at him, waiting for him to speak.

"There are a lot of different ways to go about protecting your mind from an intruder. You can attack the foreign presence in your mind and force them out, you can force your mind to go blank so there's nothing to see, you can hide certain memories and only show irrelevant ones, or you can create false memories – but that's supposed to be very difficult."

He stopped, thinking, and she waited for him to continue.

"I think the best way to start is for you to get used to the feeling of having someone else in your mind. Once you can identify that presence you can start to fight against it."

Hermione challenged, "What do you mean you 'think' this is the best way? I thought you knew what you were doing." She didn't want him in her mind if he wasn't sure. She'd read Legilimency could be dangerous if done incorrectly.

"I do," Malfoy said defensively, "I just don't think repeating the way I was taught by Bellatrix would be best. I thought you'd appreciate a less painful lesson."

He crossed his arms and she nodded, then eventually said, "Okay, so you're just going to roam around in my mind to start without giving me any methods for blocking you?"

He sighed, annoyed, "I'm just going to enter your mind and let you lead, I won't push on anything, but we need to start somewhere."

Hermione glared back at him, suddenly unsure of her decision to let him enter her mind, especially since she'd be powerless to stop him from snooping around, but she'd decided to trust him and this was part of it. She nodded again, then scooted her chair closer so their knees were almost touching.

He held his wand up to her head and looked a little nervous himself. "Wait," she said suddenly, "do I need my wand?" Malfoy shook his head and she looked back at him anxiously.

"But you can hold it if you want, it won't really hurt or help."

"Okay," she grabbed it from her pocket and held it in her hand.

"Okay," Malfoy grabbed his own wand and started to raise it, then lowered it and said, "This can get really…intense…with emotional memories. So to start, just keep it light. Think about things that happened this past week, nothing heavy."

She nodded then he said, "Legilimens," and she looked around and recognized the Charms class from the day before. She was surprised to find the memory from her point of view.

She had expected to view the memories from a different perspective, like how Harry described the pensive, and she expected to see Malfoy there with her, but she was just watching the scene from her own eyes and Malfoy was nowhere to be seen. He had still been in the hospital wing, so he wasn't even in the class in his usual seat.

Memory Anthony leaned in to ask her a question about the prefect meeting later that night, but she ignored him and tried to see if she could feel Malfoy in her mind. Before she knew it, she was sitting in the prefect meeting Anthony had leaned in to ask about, listening to him layout duties for the next week.

Had she moved to that memory herself or had Malfoy done that? Was he still watching? She focused back on Anthony talking and was then at the Quidditch match and he was flirting with her while Ginny gave her teasing looks. Hermione thought she felt something foreign then, maybe that was Malfoy?

Next, she was watching Malfoy get hit by the bludger and fall off his broom. She shrieked then ran to the edge to see if he was okay. She saw him splayed on the ground, unmoving, and started to feel the mix of fear, sympathy, and sadness that she'd felt that day move through her.

Before she could register the tears welling in her eyes and wonder at Malfoy's thoughts at her embarrassing reaction to his fall, she felt a painful pressure in her brain and was thrown back to reality.

"Sorry," Malfoy was saying, "that was me."

Hermione was so confused. Had he seen everything she just had? In the last two memories she thought she felt him there but couldn't be sure. How was she supposed to fight against this? Also, more importantly, could he feel the emotions behind each memory?

"Granger?" Malfoy was looking at her a little worried, but he didn't look disgusted or smug, so maybe he hadn't noticed the emotion that had gripped her when he fell.

"What-" she was still organizing her thoughts, having someone else in her mind was very disorienting. "What was you? What were you saying?"

"Oh, at the end. I didn't mean to end it so abruptly, that was me reacting to your memory. That probably hurt a little," he seemed concerned which was off-putting, but the pressure she'd felt in her head at the end was gone.

"It's fine, " Hermione shook her head a little to test the pain. "So, you saw everything I just saw?" _And felt everything I felt?_ She left the last question unasked.

Malfoy nodded, then asked, "Did you feel me in there with you?"

"Sort of," she hesitated, trying to find the words to describe it. "It was like the mental equivalent of that feeling you get when someone is watching you."

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "It's subtle, especially when the Legilimens isn't pushing to find anything."

"Can I see what it feels like when you _are_ pushing to find something?" Malfoy looked alarmed, then she backtracked, "I mean, is that safe? Will it hurt?"

"No, it's fine." He paused, thinking to himself, "It will hurt, but not too bad. I can show you." He lifted his wand again.

"What are you going to push for?" Hermione asked, suddenly nervous. She wondered what 'not too bad' meant.

"You'll have to see," he said a little menacing, and she swallowed hard. She was in it now, may as well get it over with. She nodded and this time he must have said the spell silently, because they were right back in her mind.

Hermione was reading in her old room in Gryffindor tower. Based on the decorations she thought it was third year. She felt a slight pressure in her head, then found herself reading the same book in the library. But this time Malfoy was there at a nearby table with Daphne Greengrass and Pansy Parkinson.

They were whispering about Hermione loudly and she heard the word "Mudblood." She huffed and returned to her book, feeling more hurt than she let on.

Next, they were at the Yule Ball and she was walking around the courtyard angry about Ron and looking for Viktor. She overheard Malfoy saying to Pansy, "Don't know why he'd show up with a Mudblood. And to think I admired him…"

Then the scene faded and she was telling off Malfoy in the hall after he'd unfairly taken points as part of Umbridge's Inquisitorial squad.

In the next memory, she slapped Malfoy hard across the face. That memory ended quickly and Hermione wondered if older Malfoy had moved that along. Next, she was sitting in the Gryffindor common room and Harry was going through one of his rants about Malfoy's mysterious behavior in sixth year.

The next memory was in Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix was screaming, "You were in my vault! Tell the truth, Mudblood!" Then she pointed her wand at Hermione. Memory Hermione tried to catch Malfoy's eye but he was avoiding her gaze. Before she could feel the pain from Bellatrix's spell she was back in the classroom with the real Malfoy.

This time her head was pounding. Malfoy was panting and she looked over at him warily. "You pushed me to you," she accused. "It felt," she paused, rubbing her fist into her forehead, "well it hurt."

He nodded but didn't apologize. Hermione noticed he looked grey and uneasy and was still out of breath. "Are you okay?" she asked tentatively.

He didn't answer her. He just reached into his bag and took out a chocolate frog, then opened it up and broke off a piece. To Hermione's surprise, he pushed the rest of the frog in her direction while flipping over the card and scowling before vanishing it. She took the rest of the frog and asked, "Who'd you get?"

"Weasley," he growled.

She smiled but stayed quiet. They sat in silence for a few moments, eating their chocolate, and Hermione noticed Malfoy looking at her oddly. He looked puzzled and maybe a little ashamed. She wondered what he was thinking and thought how unfair it was that she couldn't float around in his mind.

"You believed it," he said in a soft voice. She looked back at him curiously, confused about what he was referring to. She stayed silent, hoping he'd continue talking. After a time, he did. "When I called you Mudblood. You internalized it and even feared it might be true." He didn't say this as a question, just an observation, and Hermione didn't know what to say.

Of course she'd internalized it. She'd been at such a disadvantage during those early years at Hogwarts having grown up in the Muggle world. And she had feared that made her less than her peers somehow. That was one of the reasons she'd worked so hard in school, to prove she deserved to be there. "Isn't that the reaction you were going for Malfoy?" she asked bitterly.

He looked back at her and said softly, "I didn't know." She looked into his grey eyes and thought that he was trying to tell her something more with his penetrating gaze. Maybe an apology or something else he couldn't put into words right now, and she heard it, even though it was unspoken. "I won't say it again," he said finally, and she nodded and he dropped his eyes.

They sat there in silence for a while longer finishing their chocolate, then eventually she asked him, "So how do I fight it?"

"Well you felt me that time, right?" he seemed relieved by the change in subject.

"Yeah, I couldn't miss a 500 pound weight in my brain," Hermione said sharply and he nodded knowingly.

"That's what you need to fight against, the force, or weight, whatever it feels like to you. That is the intruder. So, when you feel that, you need to push back."

"And how do I do that?"

Malfoy thought to himself for a second, then said, "Okay, I guess I need to go into more theory," he paused, then continued. "You can block, or push, against the force. It, um, it's more of an offensive move, and it's easier. Some call it 'throwing up a wall.' But, it's obvious to the Legilimens. So it's not very effective for spies."

Hermione nodded, thinking of Snape. She was sure if Voldemort searched his head and felt him pushing back, he'd have known there was something wrong and lost all trust in Snape.

"So the alternative to throwing up a wall in your mind around memories you're trying to protect is to clear your mind altogether. Then just pull in the memories you don't mind the intruder seeing in a more controlled manner. That's the more defensive method. But it's a lot harder to do and requires a lot of control."

She asked, "What type do you do, when you're sorting through your thoughts?"

Malfoy paused, and she wondered if he'd answer her, then he said, "The second type."

She was impressed, but not entirely surprised that he had such great control over his mind. He had a lot of control over his facial expressions which is why she found it so hard to read him.

But he also had a temper that caused him to lose control. She wondered why he wasn't better at controlling his temper if he was so good at controlling his thoughts. Maybe that skill came with age.

"I was planning to start with the first type," Malfoy said to her, "since it's easier." He paused like he wanted to change his mind, then continued, "So let's do this again, and you try identifying me in your head without me pushing on anything, to make sure you have a clear sense of what an intruder feels like. You won't be able to block it if you can't detect it."

Hermione nodded, that made sense. She pulled her wand back into her hand and faced him. He had his wand ready and had a questioning look, like he was checking to see if she was ready. She nodded then and he muttered, "Legilimens."

* * *

An hour later Hermione was confident she could identify Malfoy in her mind when he wasn't trying to push on any memories. She had been worried he'd see something she didn't want but she kept her focus on this year and the memories were innocuous.

They flipped through innocent memories of her studying, sometimes with him, hanging out with Ginny and Luna, taking notes in lessons, and running prefect meetings. Near the end she began pushing back against the feeling of him in her mind and had even managed to push him out of her mind once.

"Now what?" she asked eagerly, after she managed to push him out of her head. Hermione wondered if she was doing a good job, but Malfoy didn't give any indication.

"That's enough of you leading." He looked down at his watch. "We probably only have time for one more before we have to get to Arithmancy." She nodded back at him in agreement.

"This time, try to fight against me when I am actually trying to stay in there," he pointed toward her head.

"So you're going to try to look through my thoughts for something?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Relax Granger," he said annoyed again. "I'll just keep pushing towards your memories of me, that way I won't see anything I don't already know."

She nodded, that seemed reasonable, though the last time he'd done that they'd had that weird moment when he'd half-apologized for calling her a Mudblood. Maybe this time she'd finally get him to say the words "I'm sorry."

"Should I try to push you out this time?" she asked.

Malfoy nodded in response, then raised his wand and before she could react they were back in her mind.

She was sitting on a couch at her parent's house petting Crookshanks. She felt a slight pressure and tried to keep her mind on her cat, but she looked around and was outside on the grounds and Ron was belching slugs. This was right after Malfoy called her Mudblood for the first time.

She felt the pressure again and this time tried to resist it, but it got stronger and she was fighting a Death Eater in the Astronomy classroom the night of Dumbledore's death.

She saw Malfoy run by with Snape and then she felt that foreign feeling in the memory again that she'd come to recognize as Malfoy.

She attacked that feeling with all her might and was thrown back to reality for less than a moment then she caught herself throwing a silent shield charm at Malfoy on instinct.

She registered him falling out of his chair but before she saw him hit the ground she was floating through his memories.

She was lying on the ground of a Quidditch pitch with a broom next to her. She knew by the long legs stretched out before her that she was in Malfoy's body. Strange. She must have fallen and a woman was running toward her and her leg was in unbelievable pain, then the memory went black.

Next Lucius slapped her, but before she could focus on the sting on her face the memory went black.

It continued like this for a few memories. It seemed they were cycling through Malfoy's painful memories and she'd catch a few seconds before they went black: getting attacked by Buckbeak, being hit with a bludger during Quidditch, getting the Dark Mark branded onto his arm by Voldemort, taking a Cruciatus curse from Bellatrix, and Harry attacking him in the bathroom.

Suddenly the memories changed. Instead of feeling physical pain she felt a mixture of terror and revulsion in her chest, then complete stillness once the memories went dark.

These memories were flashing by quicker, less than a second before they went black and the switch from the feeling of the memory to the nothingness of the blackness was very disorienting.

She was in the Manor listening to a woman scream, then Voldemort's snake was attacking Professor Burbage, then Fenrir attacked a child at a muggle playground, a baby carriage was rolling toward a Muggle bridge, then she saw herself being tortured by Bellatrix at Malfoy Manor.

Finally, she was in what seemed to be Malfoy's bedroom. She was on his bed reading a book and Malfoy's feelings were completely calm. She welcomed the change and started reading along in what looked like an alchemical text. She read for a few minutes and when she reached the end of the page, she felt herself float back to reality.

Malfoy was on the floor on his side. It looked like he had landed on his bad leg when he fell from the chair. She guessed maybe that was why they'd cycled through his painful memories first. Now he was lifting himself to a sitting position and leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes.

He hadn't looked at Hermione yet and she was worried what his reaction would be. Surely these lessons wouldn't continue after – that. She had shared his mind, felt his feelings. Well that answered her earlier question about emotions, he had definitely been able to feel all of her emotions when he was in her mind.

She started to replay the memories he'd seen to identify any embarrassing moments. Maybe Anthony flirting with her. The shame she felt when he teased her as a kid, that must have been where his pseudo-apology had come from. She wasn't concerned though, she didn't have a lot to hide. He however, did.

She hadn't really picked up on much, but she'd seen enough, certainly more than he wanted to share. And now she didn't know what to do next. He was still sitting with his eyes closed and was taking deep, deliberate breaths.

She crawled closer to him so she was just a foot away, then said softly, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to throw you off the chair."

He didn't move so she continued, "And when we were in your mind, I didn't know how to stop it."

After a long silence he opened his eyes and they were completely blank, devoid of all the emotion she had felt in his memories just moments before.

* * *

Draco had just managed to get his mind cleared and controlled when Granger's voice cut into his thoughts. He could tell she was apologizing based on the tone of her voice, but he wasn't focusing on the words. Eventually he opened his eyes and saw her concerned brown eyes boring into his own. She was a lot closer than he expected.

That had been a disaster. This whole lesson was a disaster. He had not expected to react as strongly as he had to the emotions behind her thoughts. It was very intimate, diving into someone else's thoughts. And he hadn't been prepared to deal with that part of his plan.

He'd almost lost his nerve and canceled the lessons altogether after he was forced to feel the shame and hurt she'd experienced each time he had called her a Mudblood as a child. He'd tried to apologize but was unable to articulate his feelings since he barely understood them himself.

And just now she had managed to push him out of her mind and cast a silent shield charm concurrently which he had not been prepared for. Since he was thrown to the ground on his hurt leg the physical pain and suddenness of her attack had left him unready to guard against her in his mind. She had only been in his mind for a few minutes before he managed to take control, but it had been enough.

Granger was looking back at him worried, but she wasn't scared, and she didn't seem disgusted with him. Draco figured the few seconds she'd seen of each memory didn't mean as much to her as they did to him and she probably couldn't make out what was going on.

Draco took a deep breath. Every instinct was telling him to leave, but he knew he had to stay. This was the closest he was going to get to finding out where the Elder Wand was and if he canceled the lessons now, he'd lose his chance. Granger was still looking at him concerned, and he was relieved when she spoke first, "I couldn't really tell what was going on," she said in a low voice.

He just nodded. _Good._

"So when everything went black, is that what you meant by clearing your mind? It just goes blank for the other person? Is that the second type of Occlumency you talked about?"

Draco shook his head, then explained, grateful for a chance to talk about something other than his memories. "That was me throwing up a wall. For some people you see an actual wall, mine just go blank. Ideally the intruder is not supposed to see anything, but you caught me off guard." At this point she had the decency to look ashamed.

"If they do see something you don't want," he continued, "you can combat by quickly flipping to a new memory or trying to throw up a wall. I was doing both."

"Yes, it was effective."

They both sat silently for a few moments longer. Granger seemed to be working on more questions and Draco was staring at the wall, willing himself to stay here and not march out of the room.

"At the end, when you were reading, what was that?"

"I finally managed to clear my mind in the end, then I pulled in a boring, innocuous memory and kept it front and center so you couldn't push past it. Reading usually works best for me."

She nodded, "I should try that."

"I'm sure you have plenty of those memories to draw on," he jeered, but she just smiled back.

Draco rose to standing and leaned against the wall, pulling his bag onto his arm. They were done for the day. He was too drained and she seemed satisfied enough with what they'd covered.

Next time he would be more prepared. Granger had stood up and was standing next to him now and he could tell she wanted to say something else.

"Out with it, Granger," he said sharply.

She hesitated, then said, "I could feel your emotions, your pain, all of it. I- I didn't know that was going to be part of this."

Maybe she was going to end it, and at that point Draco didn't care. He'd spent hours in her mind today and felt every emotion behind her thoughts, which were quite a lot and now he just wanted to go throw up. He could feel her pain, her sadness, happiness, disgrace, anxiety.

Granger looked back at him like she was working up the courage to say something, then eventually said, "When we were flashing through your memories, I couldn't make out the details, but one thing that was clear were the feelings. First, I mean, it was just pain, and I guess that was because you had fallen on your leg?"

She paused and Draco nodded, uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation but something kept him bonded to the spot, curious about what she'd say next. "But after, when flipping through the memories of the war, the feelings were disgust, horror, and apprehension."

He closed his eyes to fight back the tears he felt coming on and avoided her gaze. "What is your point?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"You weren't a willing Death Eater."

He opened his eyes again and responded in a hollow voice, "That doesn't change what happened."

Granger continued to stare at him with a look of compassion that made him feel a little sick. He turned and headed back to the door. He was almost in the hall when he heard her say, "I think it makes a difference."

Draco shook his head then rushed into the hall. He couldn't walk quickly with his bad leg so he turned toward a closed corridor in the opposite direction, worried if he headed straight to class Granger would just end up walking with him.

He ducked into a damaged classroom then sat on the ground and broke down crying. And no amount of Occlumency was able to clear the feeling of remorse that was settling in as he thought of how thoroughly he'd managed to manipulate Granger.

* * *

_Potter's House – Grimmauld Place, London X_

_Ministry – Department of Mysteries or Auror Offices_

_Dumbledore's Office X_

_Dumbledore's Tomb_

_Weasley House – Burrow, Ottery St. Catchpole X_

_Potter's Gringotts Vault_

"What do you think?" Draco asked the blonde doll on his lap. "I could do the tomb, but, fuck, I really don't want to do that one unless I absolutely have to." The thought of coming face to face with Dumbledore's corpse was terrifying.

"And it'll be too risky sending Nessie to the Ministry or Gringotts, especially since she can be so easily traced back to us."

Draco looked back at the doll, who didn't respond (of course) and he sighed. "I've gone completely mad, talking to a fucking doll." He put his notebook and quill down, then studied the green lines on the doll's body closely, as he had done almost hourly since returning from the Manor the night before.

"At least you're not talking back," he muttered, then sighed again.

Draco had finally managed to complete the reverse voodoo doll he'd been meaning to make for weeks. And after extensive testing to ensure the doll only worked one-way (he was still disturbed by the Muggle legend behind voodoo dolls Granger had explained to him) he'd brought the doll back to Hogwarts so he could better track his mother's progress, or more accurately, decline.

It was a triumph, working through a new use of the Protean Charm, but it was a small one since it helped his peace of mind, but didn't help his mother's condition. Draco lifted the doll and examined her one last time before placing her in the invisible box on his bed.

He picked his notebook up, which was now filled with all his notes from his work with the new Protean Charm. Maybe after this was all done, he'd submit it anonymously to St. Mungo's. He flipped to an empty page at the end and started tapping it with his quill.

Draco knew he had to be realistic about his chances of getting the wand before his mother's condition became lethal. At some point he would go to Potter, it was just the absolute last thing he wanted to do now, since the location of the wand finally seemed within his reach. This plan with Granger was working.

He outlined his steps in the notebook.

_1\. Convince her to let you into her mind._

He placed a check mark next to that line.

_2\. Flip through her memories without pushing._

Another check.

_3\. Flip through memories with a subject in mind_

That one wasn't complete yet. He'd need to try something more specific. But he also had to be careful to balance his Legilimency practice with her Occlumency practice. If she didn't feel like she was accomplishing anything in the lessons, he'd lose her trust.

He paused, then kept writing his list.

_4\. Instruct her to clear her mind before she's ready_

Clearing one's mind was hard and she probably wouldn't master it very quickly. So his plan was to urge Granger to try before she was ready, then use that time to look for the memory. He just needed to make sure he was skilled enough at Legilimency by that point so as not to waste the opportunity.

He sighed, then wrote another line.

_5\. Turn her thoughts to the final battle_

Draco had scoured the Daily Prophet editions from around the time of the Dark Lord's defeat and found numerous photos of Potter days after the final battle and in all of them he was holding his current wand. He must have disposed of the Elder Wand immediately following the battle then.

Therefore, he'd have to get Granger to think about that day and maybe the day right after too. He'd been trying to turn her thoughts to the war when he was in her mind, but she seemed to have a mental block around war memories, except for the day she was tortured in his house. That one seemed to come up all the time, which he absolutely hated.

If Draco wanted her mind to go to the battle, he'd probably have to suggest it outright. He just needed a clever way to bring it up. After a few moments with no ideas, he shook his head, then wrote.

_Last resort: Potter saves the fucking day (again)_

He scowled at the paper then added.

_and Draco Malfoy finally gives up._

He stared at the paper, tears welling behind his eyes, but a sound outside the door caused him to drop the notebook in the invisible box next to him and quickly place the box under his bed.

He was sitting back up in bed when Blaise entered the room. Draco picked up a textbook that was on his nightstand and pretended to read it.

"You study too much," Blaise said bitterly when he saw him.

Draco shrugged.

"Seriously, why are you spending all your time in here? You could at least read that in the common room. The entire house doesn't hate you anymore after the last Quidditch match."

Blaise was right. His housemates were border-line pleasant with him lately. And it wasn't just the Slytherins whose attitudes had changed. The whole school was being nicer toward him. Well not nice, but also not out-rightly cruel. They were just ignoring him now, which he preferred anyway.

There were no more hexes in the halls, no more whispered jeers. Even Goldstein had stopped docking points for random reasons. Draco guessed they all wanted him punished, but not dead. Seeing him almost die seemed to have sobered up a lot of his tormentors. Or maybe they thought the disastrous Quidditch loss and painful injuries were finally punishment enough.

Draco shrugged again in response to Blaise, not willing to answer his question. The reason she wasn't in the common room was because he was avoiding Astoria. Luckily practice had ended for the year and he didn't have to see her there, and they weren't together in any classes, so all he had to do was avoid the common room to never have to see her.

He didn't know how to act around her after he'd learned about Crabbe and Goyle. No wonder she'd hated Draco so much, it made perfect sense. But he wasn't going to explain all of this to Blaise.

Blaise was standing at his bed now, "You need to stop hanging around Potter's fucking Mudblood. She's obviously a terrible influence."

Draco glared back at him, and he wondered if the anger he felt in his gut was in response to the comparison to Granger, or Blaise's insult toward her. "And I think Granger thinks you two are friends. Giving me that note for you? What was even in it?"

"She was just telling me she'd moved our meeting time, for Arithmancy," Draco lied.

"Then why did she fucking spell it closed?" Blaise asked, annoyed.

"Probably just showing off that she could," Draco said simply.

"Bitch," Blaise muttered coldly and Draco felt the anger in his chest again. What the hell was going on with him?

"I'm guessing there's some other reason you're mad at her, since I know you don't give a fuck about me."

"She's just fucking annoying in our prefect meetings. Goldstein would be fine to leave the Slytherins alone, but she insists we put in our fair share. And she's making the only interesting person here a complete loser."

"Wow, I didn't know you cared so much, Zabini," Draco said in a mocking tone.

"Yeah, whatever," Blaise responded, sitting down on his bed.

Draco closed his book and looked at his watch. "Well I have to meet this witch you adore so much in a few hours, but we can hang out until then, what did you have in mind?"

An evil grin appeared on Blaise's face, "Jones and Montgomery have been trying to brew this potion that turns your skin green. We want to sneak it into Goldstein's pumpkin juice."

Draco couldn't help but smile at the thought of such an immature prank. "I think they hit a dead end though and could use some help from a few N.E.W.T. Potions students."

"And let me guess, you tried to help but then remembered the only reason you've lasted this long in that class is because you cheat off of me?"

"Yep," Blaise said, completely without shame.

Draco jumped out of bed. Maybe working with those idiots was just the distraction he needed. He had his plan with Granger, all that was left to do now was let it play out.

* * *

Hermione spent most of her free period on Thursday in the healing section of the library. She'd had two Occlumency sessions with Malfoy which had gone well, she thought, but she'd been left with awful headaches that lasted for a few days.

Hermione was going to ask Malfoy about it, then feared that maybe it was a sign he was doing it wrong. She was just taking his word that he knew Legilimency, he could have been lying. She was pretty sure the headaches were normal though since she remembered Harry complaining about them after his lessons with Snape, but she just wanted to be sure.

She'd finally found a helpful book which was talking about some negative side-effects of using Occlumency. There was a condition that caused brain damage when people over-used Occlumency or Legilimency, but the book said that was from extended use like multiple times a day every day for months. Not once a week.

She then came across a passage that said occasional headaches when first learning was normal. Hermione let out a sigh of relief. It made sense; the mind was like a muscle. There would be soreness if you used it in a different way, but after time that initial soreness should go away as the mind got stronger.

Hermione got up to return the book and felt a little guilty for doubting Malfoy. He had been nice to her lately and did seem to be helpful in their lessons. She was getting skilled at blocking him after only two weeks.

When she walked back to the table Ginny was waiting. "Oh there you are." The red-head plopped herself in the seat next to Hermione's and pulled out her Charms book and a barely-started essay.

"Can we work on Charms together? I have no idea what to write about the different types of size-altering charms and I need at least 12 more inches."

Hermione blushed, "I already did that one with Malfoy last weekend."

Ginny's eyes narrowed, "I thought he was your Arithmancy partner?"

Hermione shrugged. "I told you I do other subjects with him when we have time, it's just faster to work with someone else."

"Which is why I came to work with you," Ginny said in a whiny voice.

"I can still talk through it with you," Hermione responded defensively.

Ginny closed her book, "No, that's fine." She got up to leave and Hermione was confused. She could see Ginny being annoyed, but there seemed to be something else wrong to cause this level of frustration.

"This isn't about the Charms essay, is it?"

Ginny sat back down, then put her head in her hands. Hermione watched her worriedly and waited for her friend to start talking.

"Do you know what you want to do after school?" Ginny asked suddenly, lifting her head from out of her hands.

Hermione shook her head, "Not really, I thought maybe something at the Ministry, but am not sure what exactly."

Ginny didn't respond, just put her head back in her hands.

"Do you know what you want to do?" Hermione asked.

"I didn't really know, I just wanted to be with Harry, thought maybe I'd find something at the Ministry too. But a few weeks ago, we saw Oliver Wood when we were out for lunch. He was telling us about how he got into the Professional Quidditch League and it didn't sound so hard. And he said he saw our match, the first Gryffindor one, and he thinks I'm good enough to make it."

"Wow," Hermione responded obediently, wondering if she'd ever be able to have a conversation with Ginny that didn't somehow end up back on the topic of Quidditch.

"Yes, well since we talked to him that's all I've been able to think about. I brought it up with my mum though and she was pissed off. 'Too dangerous, frivolous, not a real career.'" Ginny said in a great imitation of Molly.

"But who is she to talk?" Ginny continued. "Bill was a curse-breaker, then Charlie tamed dragons, Ron is an Auror. Those are all more dangerous than Quidditch. And even Fred and George's job had some danger with all of the testing they did on themselves." She trailed off, probably thinking about Fred again.

"How is George doing?" Hermione asked, thinking back to the time she'd talked to him at the Burrow.

Ginny snapped out of her reverie, "Oh good. He found someone to help full-time. Angelina Johnson, remember her?"

Hermione nodded.

"Yeah, she's actually getting him to come up with new items too. He hadn't done anything new since Fred died. She's really good for him."

"Are they... involved?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, no, I don't think so." Ginny shook her head. "George, even more so than Ron, is in no place for a relationship now. But maybe one day. We're just all glad there's someone looking out for him, making sure he gets up and gets dressed every day, keeping him moving." She sighed.

"Okay," Hermione said, "back to your problem. Your mom just worries. She did the same with all your other siblings I'm sure. But if you want to play Quidditch, why not?"

Ginny nodded, "It would just be nice to have a supportive mother."

"She will be, once you're doing it. She's just opinionated." Ginny scoffed, as if that was a big understatement.

"I think I know another Weasley witch who has equally strong opinions and annoys her friends to no end by constantly sharing them," Hermione said pointedly.

"Shut it."

Hermione smiled, then laid a comforting hand on Ginny's back. "Come on, get your essay out. I'll help you."

Ginny reached into her bag and pulled out her parchment and books while Hermione kept talking, "I can't believe you're going to be a famous Quidditch player. Between you and Harry, you'll be signing autographs constantly.

"I could be the most famous Quidditch player in the world and I would still be best known as Harry Potter's girlfriend," Ginny responded without a hint of bitterness in her tone. Hermione, who knew she would always be best known as Harry Potter's Muggle-born friend, silently agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that first lesson didn't go as planned. What do you think? Is this plan of Draco's going to work?


	12. The Elder Wand

**Chapter 12 – The Elder Wand**

Hermione was able to force Malfoy out of her memory of brewing Polyjuice potion with Ron and Harry after just a few seconds. She was finally getting good at locating his presence in her mind and pushing him out, it took a lot of energy though. After doing it about five or six times she was almost completely drained.

"You brewed a potion in Myrtle's bathroom?" Malfoy asked a little disgusted, holding out a piece of chocolate for her to take.

Hermione just smiled inwardly in response to his question, not ready to give that secret away.

"What potion?" Malfoy asked curiously.

"That's a secret, if you want to find it, you'll have to look in here," she teased, tapping on her temple.

"You're on," he said menacingly, holding his wand up and pointing it toward her head.

Hermione hesitated, then nodded. She was sure she'd be able to push him out in time, she only really struggled with emotional memories and there wasn't a ton of emotion in that memory until the extreme fear and embarrassment of being turned into a cat, but she'd get him out before then.

Hermione nodded and they were back in her mind. They started off in Arithmancy class from the day before, and she watched her memories jump around. Malfoy was getting a lot better at moving through her mind.

Soon enough they were back in second year. She and Penelope Clearwater were walking down the hall looking through a small mirror, then she was dueling Milicent Bulstrode in the Great Hall. Next she was waking up in the hospital wing after being petrified.

Then the moment when she, Harry, and Ron had discovered a petrified Mrs. Norris materialized. She tried to push Malfoy out, but she felt him pushing back. He was focusing on memory Malfoy who was saying 'You'll be next Mudbloods.' Next they were flipping through her memories of younger Malfoy from school before she eventually pushed him out.

Hermione shook her head when they were back in the present, "You're so self-centered, always forcing me to focus on you when I'm about to get you out."

Malfoy shrugged and seemed to be thinking about something else. Eventually he said, "Every time I do that, push you to focus on me, you never choose memories from this year. Why is that?" He turned his grey eyes toward her, waiting patiently for her response.

Hermione hadn't noticed this until he pointed it out, but supposed it was true. They spent a lot of time traveling through the countless memories she had of him being an absolute prat when they were younger, and then almost every time the memories of her being tortured by Bellatrix came up, but Malfoy always flipped them past that one quickly. But he was right, she never included memories of him from this year.

As she thought about it she realized that this was probably because she didn't equate the person she knew now with that, mean, bullying, younger Malfoy. She must have separated the two people in her mind. "You now and you then aren't linked for me." She answered simply.

Malfoy looked back at her expressionless, which she was learning meant he was focusing hard on hiding a great deal of emotion, but he didn't say anything.

"Anyway," Hermione said, "I can block you out of most memories, so what's next?"

"Pretty big talk for someone who can push me out about five times before completely falling apart to the point where I can pretty much read whatever I want." He retorted, taking a piece of chocolate for himself.

Hermione scowled, "You can't read _anything_ ," which was true, when she got to that point where she was too tired to push him out, she'd just flip through thoughts very fast until he couldn't tell what was going on and eventually gave up.

"That's not quite how you're supposed to do it," he said. "Driving the intruder crazy with information overload. A better Legilimens could probably figure out how to slow those down."

Hermione nodded, he was right. "Well then what do you suggest? You are the teacher," she said in a mocking tone, he stuck his tongue out at her, he was such a child.

"Ok Granger, I think you lose energy because you're only using the first type of Occlumency, which is very draining. We should move on to the next kind, the one I do, clearing your mind."

"Yeah Snape was always telling Harry to clear his mind, and when you mentioned it last time I tried it, but it's impossible. I always have stuff on my mind."

Malfoy sat up straight in his chair, then motioned for her to do the same. "Place your feet flat on the ground, and try not to slouch like you always do," she scowled again. "Ok, now close your eyes."

Hermione didn't obey at first, "Are you going to try to read my mind again?"

He opened one of his eyes, "No, stop being so paranoid and close your bloody eyes. I'm going to talk you through clearing your mind."

"Oh," he closed his eyes again and she followed suit.

"Place your hands flat on your thighs," she did that. "Now just focus your mind on the feeling of your feet on the floor, and breathe deeply."

They sat in silence for a few moments and she tried to focus on just her feet, but began wondering what he was thinking, was he really just thinking about feet?

"As thoughts enter your mind, take note of the thought, don't judge it (I know that will be incredibly difficult for you) then let it leave your mind as you move your focus back to your feet on the ground."

They sat for a few moments, then Malfoy spoke again. "As random thoughts pop into your mind, you need to keep acknowledging them, then let them leave your mind without any judgment. After a time, the thoughts just kind of stop. Then you're sitting in your mind and it's completely clear. And the feeling – well there is no feeling, it's just, stillness."

Hermione opened her eyes and looked at him, he was completely still and calm, it was unnerving, and she was sure she'd never get there. He started when he opened his eyes and saw her studying him, "What?"

"You just described meditation."

"I don't know what that is," he admitted.

"It's something muggles do. Well, not all of them, but a few, it's almost like a religion to some. I'd never really made the connection between Occlumency and meditation, but it makes sense."

"Why do they do it?"

"To find peace I think, and meaning in the world. I've never tried it, but I always thought I'd be dreadful at it, my mind never seems to turn off."

He nodded at her knowingly, "It gets easier with practice. You should practice it this next week. It's easier to get to a clear mind during Occlumency if you know what it feels like ahead of time."

He stood up then, and checked his watch. She checked hers too, they only had about 30 minutes until class started.

Malfoy added with a smirk, "Next week you can try to clear your mind while I look for that potion memory again."

Hermione nodded, then remembered the passage she'd read about Occlumency over-use. Was he using magic every time he cleared his mind? If he was using Occlumency that much it could be damaging. "You said you use that second kind of Occlumency a lot, right?" she asked him.

Malfoy shrugged. "I guess, I told you it helps me," he said this like he was annoyed she was making him explain it again.

"I read it can be dangerous, if you use Occlumency too much," Hermione said in a soft voice.

"I've read that nosy know-it-alls don't live as long as other wizards," Malfoy retorted. Now Hermione stuck her tongue out and figured she'd drop it. He probably knew what he was doing and it wasn't her concern anyway.

She sighed, she guessed they were done with their lesson, but she didn't have anywhere to be until class started and since it was just upstairs it wasn't worth going all the way back to her room in the dungeons. Malfoy seemed to be thinking through the same thing, since he hadn't left the room yet.

"I was wondering," Hermione began, hoping he'd stay and talk to her until class started. "The second type of Occlumency, you said you use it to forget unpleasant memories. Do you think it can be used to remember? Like if there is a memory you want to experience better? You know what I mean?"

Malfoy nodded, looking off in the distance and considering her question. Then he sat back down in his chair and Hermione smiled to herself. Talking through intellectual concepts was by far her favorite thing to do with Malfoy. He rarely humored her, but occasionally he would go along and she loved talking through ideas with him.

She didn't get that type of back and forth with any of her other friends. She heard Ravenclaws did this type of thing constantly and she was a little bummed out at having missed out by being in Gryffindor. All they did in their free time was play games and set off fireworks.

"I've never tried," he said, "I guess so, but you'd probably just use a pensive, if you had one. That's kind of what they are for."

"Have you ever used one?"

"No, my father has one, but I was forbidden to use it, it can be very dangerous if you do it wrong."

"Why?" Hermione had never heard this before and thought of all the times Harry had used it.

"When you put your memories in there, the details and feelings are stripped from your mind, just a summary remains. If you don't know what you're doing, you can lose yourself."

Malfoy stopped talking and she looked at him, he was staring out the window, thinking. "It's supposed to be especially dangerous for young wizards, since we have less memories defining who we are, so if you remove too many, you're not yourself anymore."

He looked back at her to see if she understood, but she didn't. "I'm not sure what you mean," Hermione admitted.

Malfoy paused for a few moments, then continued, "Here's an example. We both know by now that I- uh – regret what happened with Katie Bell and the cursed necklace." He stopped and swallowed and Hermione just nodded so he'd continue.

"Well if I dropped that memory in the pensive and left it there for too long, all that would remain in my brain are brief facts: I Imperiused Madam Rosmerta then nearly killed Bell. I'd lose the regret, the fear, the motivations behind it. If you do that too many times…" He trailed off and she understood completely now.

Hermione wondered when they had gotten to the point when he would share something so personal this freely. Maybe after she saw his memories. Or maybe spending hours in her memories had softened him to her. The thought should be disturbing, but she found it wasn't.

Malfoy continued talking. "You really need to know what you're doing. But in theory I guess you could remove your worst memories to feel better, but without them, would you still be yourself?"

Hermione thought about this for a while and saw that Malfoy was pondering the concept too. "I wouldn't remove any." Hermione said after a few minutes of silence.

"If you have a bad past, but you just forget it, you can't move on. We need to go back and remember it all, experience it. Then I think we can finally overcome it. You know?"

Malfoy nodded, then whispered, "Ce n'est pas oublier que guérit, c'est se souvenir."

"What is that? French?"

He nodded again, then explained, "It's engraved on the pensive at my house."

"What does it mean?"

"It's not forgetting that heals, it's remembering."

"That's beautiful. A Malfoy came up with that?" she cocked her head toward him.

He shook his head, "Judgy Granger, at it again." Then he pushed her. She almost fell off her chair, but he caught her arm to keep her from plummeting to the ground, shaking his head more and muttering to himself about "clumsy Gryffindors."

They walked to Arithmancy together, but as soon as they reached the class he paused at the door, waiting for her to go in first so it didn't look like they'd arrived together.

Hermione went ahead, but Malfoy had propped his foot up in front of her path and she tripped over it, stumbling in through the doorway. Terry and Anthony gave her an odd look, but she just ignored them and sat down at the table she shared with Malfoy.

"You're a child," she said to him a few moments later when he took his seat next to her. He just smirked back at her and she concealed her own smile, tearing her attention away from him and back toward Professor Vector.

* * *

Draco and Granger were getting too close. They had only had three Occlumency lessons but already he could see a huge change in their interactions. They bickered less and worked quicker through their assignments, which gave them more time at the end to talk about other topics.

Of course, Granger did most of the talking. She wondered what jobs she should pursue after school, talked incessantly about the things she missed most from Hogwarts in previous years (namely the hourglasses and the Room of Requirement).

She told him about prefect dramas (while keeping names anonymous of course) and asked him about alchemy and other advanced subjects. She tried to ask more about Draco, but he was determined to keep her as distant as possible and refused to answer her nosy questions.

The whole point of his plan had been to get Granger to be less guarded around him, and that was certainly working. She didn't keep her wand as close, readily admitted when she was wrong, and no longer hesitated those few seconds before he entered her mind during their Occlumency lessons. The problem was he hadn't anticipated that getting closer to her would work both ways.

Draco found he was more comfortable around her and even looked forward to their lessons. She was still very annoying, but he felt calmer after his meetings with her. The few times he let himself consider their unlikely friendship, he just passed it off as desperation on his end since he didn't have any other friends at school.

Blaise was more of an acquaintance who could be counted on for a laugh or a long talk about Quidditch, but not much else. And Astoria wanted to be his friend, but Draco was still trying to avoid her, still unsure how to act around her after her revelation about Crabbe and Goyle.

There was another reason Draco enjoyed his time with Granger, though he didn't let himself dwell on it too often. Simply put, sharing Granger's mind was fascinating. The amount of emotion behind even the smallest memories were surprising and intense. And he found being in her mind energizing, warm, and happy.

It was so much different from living in his head. She experienced the world so fully, while he spent most of his time trying to push the world away.

After their last lesson he'd been so overcome by guilt that he had scribbled on an entire two pages in his notebook the words: _She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve this._ He'd felt like a bloody first year doing lines in detention. Not surprisingly, the exercise had done nothing to assuage his guilt.

Enough was enough, he'd finally gotten good enough at flipping through her mind and was ready to end this and bring up the final battle. In the last lesson when she'd challenged him to get more details of the potion memory in Myrtle's bathroom he'd hovered around it and had it within reach, but let her push him out.

He didn't want her to know how skilled he was, it was better if she felt like she had the power. But in this lesson he'd use all of his skills and force to get what he needed.

When Draco walked into the room Granger was already there. She gave him a warm smile and he tried to ignore the twist in his gut in response. He was already feeling guilty, but he needed to push that aside, he would not let his conscience take over again. This time he wasn't going to fail.

Draco put his bag down on a nearby table and pulled his wand out of his robes.

"Getting right to it," Granger commented lightly while she grabbed her own wand from her robes.

He ignored her. "So I think it's safe to say you've learned how to block or 'throw a wall.'" She smiled at the compliment and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Well let's move on to the second type, clearing your mind. Did you practice?" she nodded, but looked a little wary.

"Ok, so you can see me here about to penetrate your mind, this is when you clear it, and pull in as many boring memories as possible if you find you can't sit with your mind completely still for long."

Soon Draco was in her mind, and it was completely blank, he was impressed. Then she was reading, like he'd been, this time on her bed at school. Her control was weak, but he didn't push right then, he wanted her to feel confident. After a few moments, he pulled them both out of her thoughts.

"That's actually good," he admitted and Granger beamed. "Yeah, yeah, 5 points for Gryffindor, blah blah," she rolled her eyes and he continued, "Let's practice getting there after flipping around, rather than from the start like you just did."

Granger nodded, determined, and he continued, "Why don't you start with some bland memories? Then try to get to a clear mind from there."

Granger nodded again, then he entered her mind. They started in Charms class from a few days ago. She always started them off in classes, she was such a swot. Soon enough they were back to her clear mind. He thought he could easily push back to another memory, but didn't attempt it yet. He pulled them back to reality.

"I did it!" she was jumping up and down and Draco couldn't help but laugh at her childish reaction.

"Easy Granger, it's not very hard to go from an unemotional and meaningless memory to a clear mind. It gets much harder when dealing with memories with a lot of emotion. And typically those are the memories you want to block."

She nodded and looked a little wary, but determined, "So I guess you want me to start with an emotional memory?"

"I have a suggestion," Draco cut in, and she nodded so he continued, "Why don't you think about the final battle?" Granger's eyes widened and he added, "It would be emotional without being too personal. I mean, I was there, and everyone knows what happened."

She nodded, "Yeah, that makes sense. Good idea." Granger was bracing herself and he said the incantation aloud this time so she wouldn't be surprised.

Soon they were in the Great Hall looking at a line of dead bodies. She was leaning into Weasley but before her head hit his shoulder the memory went black, but after a few seconds of black they were back in the same memory and she was sobbing into Weasley's shoulder while he patted her back.

Draco tried to steer her toward a memory with Potter in it but before he could they moved on to a scene in the hall and she lunged at Weasley and kissed him, Draco pushed them past that memory quickly.

Next she was in another corridor and the Dark Lord's voice boomed and Granger felt terror while he asked Potter to come to him.

Then she was looking into a small house crouched behind Potter while the Dark Lord's snake attacked Snape.

Draco pushed on memory Potter to move her thoughts to a different memory of him. He almost pulled them both out as soon as they arrived at the next scene. Granger was overcome with complete despair at the sight of Potter's dead body in Hagrid's arms and the overwhelming emotion overtook Draco too.

He could feel her fighting to move on but used his magic now to keep the memory playing, just to test that he could. After a few moments the emotion she was feeling was too much for him and he let go of her.

They were back in the classroom and Granger stepped away and went to the other side of the room, her hands on the wall for support and her head hanging down. Draco gave her a few minutes to compose herself and used the time to clear his own mind. He wondered how she stayed upright with emotions as powerful as those. He'd surely have collapsed from the force of them by now.

Eventually she came back, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "Sorry, I- reliving them in your head is one thing, doing it this way-" she cut off.

"I know," Draco responded softly.

"I was awful, I don't think I successfully blocked anything. I mean I tried, on the first one, but it didn't hold. Then with the, uh, kiss, that one moved fast."

"That was me," Draco cut in. He was not interested in watching her kiss Weasley any longer than he had to, especially not from _that_ perspective.

"Oh, uh, thanks. But the last one, with Harry. I couldn't. I couldn't get it to stop." Draco could see tears welling behind her eyes. "I couldn't tell if it was a memory or happening again, it just felt so real. How are you supposed to block those?"

Granger was pacing the room and her voice was high and fast. He needed her to calm down so he could convince her to try again.

"Breathe Granger. Just sit back down and try to clear your mind." She listened to him, which was a first since she hated being ordered around.

After she took a few deep breaths Draco said in a flat voice, "You love him." The words had stumbled out of his mouth unbidden.

Granger cocked her head, surprised by the statement, "Who? Harry?"

Draco just nodded in response.

"Well of course, he's my best friend."

"But it's more than that. You love him more than anyone else I've encountered in your memories," This fact was clear based on her last memory, but Draco wondered to himself why he cared.

"I suppose that's true." She said simply, offering no more explanation and not ashamed in any way.

 _Well there's one more reason to be jealous of Potter. Wait! What?_ He pushed those thoughts away. He could dwell on them later (or more likely, never). He was too close to his goal right now.

_Here goes nothing._

"Anyway. Back to the lesson. This is the first time you're trying to clear your mind. It's fine not to get it right. Maybe the middle of the battle wasn't the best idea. Why don't you try the end? Happier memories are still powerful but much easier to control than dark ones."

Granger nodded, eager to get back to it and prove she could do it. "I'm ready."

Now they were in the Great Hall and she was giving Potter a giant hug, then the memory went black.

They were in Dumbledore's office now and Harry was using the Elder wand to repair another wand on the desk. Draco could feel her moving the memory along but he used all of his power to keep them in place. Potter said to the portrait, "I'm putting the Elder Wand back where it came from. It can stay there. If I die a nat-"

Granger managed to push them to a memory of her reading in the library.

Draco let the boring memory play out for a few minutes, trying to keep his own emotions in check, then he pushed her back to the battle, the memory didn't change. He pushed again, harder, and finally she was able to push him out completely.

He'd done it. We knew where the wand was. The Dark Lord had bragged about getting it from Dumbledore's grave. He hadn't expected Potter to be so careless, it was accessible by anyone at Hogwarts. He could walk to it in 20 minutes and grab it without anyone knowing. That was, as soon as he worked up the nerve to break into his former headmaster's grave.

Draco could kick himself for being too scared to check it sooner, it was on his bloody list. Granger was smiling back at him now so he shifted his attention back to her, "I did it!" she exclaimed. "I was able to clear my mind in the middle of it, then it was much easier pushing you out of my head."

Draco couldn't help but smile back at her this time; he was so relieved to finally have what he'd been looking for for months.

"I mean now that I know what it feels like I think I can do it again," Granger was saying.

"Okay," he agreed, raising his wand.

"No battle this time though, I'm going to pick something else."

Draco nodded, then silently said the incantation. They were in his drawing room and Bellatrix was torturing Granger. He pulled out of her mind instantly. She looked back at him confused. "Wait, that was you. _I'm_ supposed to try to end it."

"Not that memory," Draco said sharply, "Pick another one."

"I've noticed that you always push us past that one when it comes up. And I know it hurts-"

"That's not the problem," Draco cut in, unsure how to proceed. He didn't want to relive that scene from her point of view, but he didn't have a great reason, at least not one he could put words to. "I'm in that one," he said finally.

"Does that matter?" Granger asked.

It didn't. "Fine," he said eventually. Then they were back in the drawing room. He could see himself in her peripheral vision, doing nothing and this time he could hear Weasley yelling her name from the dungeon. He stopped the memory again.

"Come on," she said annoyed. She was panting from the work of trying to push him out of the memory, "I almost had it."

"Just pick another one," he said through gritted teeth.

"What is wrong with you? Why do you hate this memory so much? I mean you were there."

 _You think I don't know that?! I fucking know I was there, Granger. And forgive me for not wanting to watch you get tortured over and over again in my house by one of my relatives while I sit back and do absolutely nothing._ But he didn't say any of that, he just looked back at her with a blank expression.

She spoke up again in a quiet but defiant voice, "I want to learn to block you out of this one. It's the worst one I have." Draco looked back at her and felt so guilty when he saw the pleading look in her eyes. "Just push to keep it going like you did with that memory in Dumbledore's office,"

Damn, she'd noticed that. He didn't have a choice but to give in on this one request.

"Please?" Granger added, "then we'll be done."

They were back in the drawing room where he had spent so much time as a child. He focused on the portrait behind her to keep the memory from shifting while she screamed and the pain in her arm intensified.

He tried to ignore memory Draco and his mother huddled at the edge of her vision, doing absolutely nothing.

Then the scene changed abruptly and they were on the Hogwarts grounds and he was calling her Mudblood, before he could register the change they were back in the drawing room and his aunt was yelling 'Mudblood' while she carved into her arm more.

Draco focused on the portrait again but they were back out of the drawing room, this time he was teasing Granger about having her knickers shown in midair like the muggles at the Quidditch World cup. Then Draco was docking points as part of the Inquisitorial squad for her being a Mudblood.

Then they were back in the drawing room. He could hear Weasley screaming in the distance again and then they were in a Potions class. Granger grazed his hand when reaching for the same vial on the shelf and his younger self gave her a disgusted look.

They flashed back to the drawing room, this time memory Granger was focusing on he and his mother, but the Draco in the memory was trying his best not to look at her. They were back at Hogwarts next and it took him awhile to realize they were finally back to reality.

Draco started pacing angrily, unsure what to do next. He looked over at Granger and she was sitting on the ground, looking down at her hands.

He was embarrassed and angry at her for showing him this. His taunts from when they were kids were all linked to that day in the drawing room for her. He guessed it made sense intellectually, but feeling that connection from her point of view was another matter altogether.

Maybe she had done this on purpose, maybe she was gearing up to it for awhile now. Maybe that was the point of the whole thing, to make him feel like shit. He was suddenly angry with her.

Draco glared at Granger, but she was still looking at her hands. He bent down to grab his bag and leave, but before he looked away from her he noticed she was sobbing silently.

Something made him crouch next to her and grab her chin so she was looking back at him. He didn't mean for the gesture to be as intimate as it was, but he had to look in her eyes and see if she meant to do this, and it was immediately clear once he saw them that she hadn't.

"It's all linked for you?" Draco asked roughly, "The stupid bullying and that – that day?"

Granger nodded and he dropped her chin, "I didn't" he started, unsure what to say. He never meant to hurt her like that, but feeling it, the shame that accompanied every taunt, and the way she associated those stupid events with what his aunt had done.

"I never would have acted on it like she-" he paused again, trying to steady his voice. "I wanted to stop it, I didn't know how," he admitted finally.

Granger continued to look into his eyes, tears streaming silently down her face, then she looked down at her hands again.

He stood up then and offered her his hand, remembering the last time they were in this position after she tricked him into talking to Snape and Dumbledore's portraits. She'd claimed she'd done that to help him. After he'd treated her like dirt for years, she wanted to help him.

But how had he repaid her? By using her to get at a memory of a hiding place he could have guessed himself.

Draco sighed while he watched her wipe the tears from her eyes, and in that moment he wanted to tell her everything. About his mother, and what he was planning, and why. And how he didn't hate her and didn't want her dead, or even hurt. And how watching her tortured over and over by his aunt in his home made him want to vomit, but he just settled for what he could get out without sounding too much like a Gryffindor, "Forgive me."

Granger looked up at him, grabbed his hand, and allowed him to pull her up to standing, but he couldn't read her expression. She studied him for a moment, then her expression changed and she asked, "Is this your version of an apology? Demanding I forgive you? How very…Malfoy of you."

He could tell she was kidding and was relieved by the lighter tone of this conversation. He dropped her hand and retorted, "And trust Granger to turn this into a criticism." He was about to turn away when she grabbed his arms to keep him facing her. "I accept." She said simply, and he raised his eyebrows, a little surprised.

"I'm not sure what you're apologizing for exactly. Or even if this is an apology. But I forgive you, for," she paused and looked down at her hands that were still gripping his arms, but she didn't remove them and looked back up at Draco before continuing.

"For all of it. Not acting to stop Bellatrix, because, honestly, what would that have even looked like? And for years of tormenting me and making me feel terrible. It's, it's not who you are now, I can – I can see that." And she burned her eyes into his like she was literally seeing his thoughts now and saw he was not that younger boy.

Granger moved one of her hands to Draco's cheek then and he couldn't stop himself from leaning into it. She must have interpreted this as encouragement because she started moving toward him, he guessed on her way to kissing him. When her face was just inches away from his own, Draco pushed her back gently.

"You don't want this," he said softly, "it's the connection from the spell," she dropped her hand from his face and looked down at their feet. "Believe me, it's not real. It will pass and you'll be glad I stopped it."

Draco walked away from her then, leaving her upset but knowing it was for the best. He'd wanted to kiss her back more than anything, but he'd taken enough advantage of her today.

_She doesn't deserve this she doesn't deserve this she doesn't deserve this she doesn't deserve this._

The words he'd scribbled over and over into his notebook played in his mind on loop for the rest of the day.

* * *

Hermione's mind was wandering during Professor Vector's review of the midterm content. She looked over at the empty seat next to her and thought of Draco for the hundredth time since their Occlumency lesson Wednesday.

_I tried to kiss Draco Malfoy._

It sounded like a delusion when she stated it simply like that in her mind. But it had certainly happened. Did she like him? She didn't think so. He was probably right when he said it was the spell, sharing her thoughts with Draco was very intimate.

And he had just apologized to her, for what specifically she was still unsure, but it had definitely caught her off guard. If she saw him now she didn't think she'd want to kiss him.

There was another problem, she hadn't seen Draco since that lesson. He'd been missing from all of his classes since that day and she assumed he would skip out of their Sunday study session too, leaving her to complete the assignment on her own. She didn't really mind that part since they had mostly finished it last weekend. She was just a little worried about him, if she was being honest.

Hermione seemed to be the only person who noticed Draco was missing and she was certainly the only one who cared. She hoped he was fine, if only for the sake of his midterms. It would be a shame to work so hard all year just to blow it all off in the end. That's why she'd been taking notes for him since he'd been gone in case he made an unexpected reappearance this weekend.

She wasn't surprised by his absence, this was pretty typical for Draco. Anytime things got too deep between them he'd retreat for awhile. Hermione was sure he'd come around eventually, maybe after break. She thought a three week break from him would be a good time to organize her own thoughts about the Slytherin. Like why had she started calling him Draco in her mind?

It was a good way to separate the person she knew this term from the rest of his family, and even from the Malfoy who had taunted her the previous seven years. Hermione was sure he wasn't that person anymore. But there were a lot of things about him she wasn't sure about.

Like how did he feel about their near-kiss? Is that why he'd suddenly disappeared? Or was it something else? Draco had been kind when turning her down and hadn't looked disgusted or angry or even smug. Instead she'd detected remorse and sadness on his face before he'd left her alone in the classroom.

Did he still have problems with her blood status? She'd thought he was over that by now. Why else spend hours alone with her? And he was different, especially in the past few weeks. But that could just be because of the Occlumency.

She reasoned it was nearly impossible to share someone's mind and not become more compassionate toward them. Just the few minutes she'd spent in his head had completely changed her view of him, and he'd spent hours in hers.

But that was another question Hermione had: Why had Draco offered to teach her Occlumency? She was sure he hadn't changed so much to agree to something where there was nothing in it for him, and what was he getting out of it? A friend? Companionship? Was he that lonely? Maybe, but she suspected it was something else.

Hermione thought maybe he wanted a memory, in the last lesson especially he'd been digging through her mind much more forcefully, but why? He wasn't fighting on the other side of a war anymore. Could he be in contact with the missing Death Eaters?

She shook her head, that didn't fit with what Harry had told her about him. And if Draco wanted to sift through her mind he shouldn't have been such a good teacher. He helped her fend him off completely after just four lessons.

She wondered if they'd continue lessons after break. Would they see each other at all next term without the excuse of being Arithmancy partners? Did she want that?

Hermione thought a lot of this would be clearer if she could just see him again. She considered checking the map, then decided against it, remembering what had happened the last time she'd used the map to track his whereabouts. She'd just have to be patient and wait for him to show up again.

Hermione forced her attention back to Professor Vector and resolved to stop thinking about Draco until after midterms.

* * *

Draco had been standing in front of the tomb for almost an hour, trying to work up the nerve to open it. He'd been here every night since he found out the wand's location. The first night he'd tested the tomb for wards and he was pretty sure it was unprotected.

Maybe Potter thought the protections around Hogwarts were enough to keep it safe, which was a good bet, since he probably hadn't suspected a student would try to take it. And Potter may have thought that he was the only one who knew where the Dark Lord had gotten the wand.

It was just by accident that Draco had overheard the Dark Lord bragging about taking the wand to Bellatrix and Snape. Now all Draco had to do was open the tomb and get it, then the most powerful wand in the world would finally be his.

He'd been feigning illness to avoid classes, not wanting to run into Granger and her trusting eyes and lose his nerve. But even without seeing her he'd been unable to open the tomb and take it before tonight. But this was his last chance, he was going to get that wand tonight – now. He kept focusing on his mother and the green veins on her skin as he muttered _Diffindo._

It was over in a matter of seconds. Draco avoided looking at the corpse and closed the tomb as quickly as possible. Then he was holding the Elder Wand. It didn't seem especially remarkable and it didn't seem to recognize him as its former owner. It just sat innocuously in his hand.

He leaned over next to a tree and vomited violently, then made his way back to the castle, unsure what to do with the wand now that he had it.

If Draco could be sure he currently had possession of the wand he'd go straight to the Manor to cure his mother, but he figured he'd have to win the wand over first. Thankfully Potter had explained the whole process quite clearly to the Dark Lord during the final battle.

All Draco had to do was overpower Potter, then the wand would be loyal to him. But as soon as precious Harry Potter was attacked this whole mission would get a lot more difficult, which is why he'd saved that part of the plan for last.

If he rushed home early someone was bound to notice, even if it was just Granger, and that would just make him look suspicious, especially if Potter happened to be attacked so soon after Draco mysteriously disappeared from school.

So the best course of action was to wait for midterms to be over in a week and travel back home with the rest of the students. Then he'd have three weeks during break to find a time to attack Potter.

Draco thought he'd feel better, lighter, after he had the wand in his possession, but all he felt was a terrible weight in his gut. He had to use all of his Occlumency prowess to keep Granger out of his thoughts that night.

Now was not the time to lose his nerve, he kept thinking back to his mother. When he got to his room he hid the wand in his invisible box, and pulled the doll out, trying to keep focus on the reason he was doing all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, he's got the wand. Now what? Thanks so much for following along and commenting. I'd say at this point we're about halfway through the story so there's still a lot more to come!


	13. The Discovery

**Chapter 13 – The Discovery**

The Saturday before end of term was the worst night for prefect rounds. That's when mischief and trouble-making were at their peak since very few students were interested in observing school rules the night before heading home for break.

Unfortunately, Hermione was currently working this undesirable shift, one she'd felt obliged to take after skipping out on rounds the past few weeks while trying to keep up with the mountain of work from her N.E.W.T. classes.

She had no idea how Draco managed the same workload on top of Quidditch practices three times a week. Hermione scolded herself for thinking of Draco, then remembered her internal pact had been to keep him out of her thoughts until exams were over, and they had technically ended the day before.

Still, she had to admit she was becoming a little obsessed with the Slytherin and could do with a long break away from him.

Draco had skipped their meeting last weekend, as predicted, but he hadn't skipped his exams. He had shown up for all of the midterms but rushed off as soon as he turned in his parchment, never once looking her way.

"Nothing on this side," Dean cut into her thoughts, "You?"

Hermione was patrolling with Dean tonight since prefects worked in pairs on the busiest shifts. She wasn't ready to let anyone in on her secret of using the Marauder's map to patrol from her room, so she was doing this one in person. It was a good opportunity for her to get some time alone with Dean and mend fences after what had happened following his fight with Draco.

_Stop thinking about him!_

Hermione and Dean had split up to patrol opposite sides of the towers and luckily he hadn't found anything. Maybe this night wasn't going to be as bad as she feared. "I found a couple snogging in an empty classroom, but I left them alone, they didn't seem to be bothering anyone," she responded.

"How generous of you, Hermione," Dean teased, "So you don't turn in _everyone_ you see breaking the rules," he added then and she started to defend herself but saw that Dean was smiling widely and had meant his last comment as a joke. She gave him a playful push and was glad to see that he had finally seemed to forgive her for turning him in.

"Well it's almost Christmas, plus I'm leaving in a few hours, so my mind's elsewhere." Hermione was planning to spend the first week of break with her parents in Australia and had a Portkey leaving McGonagall's office in less than two hours that she couldn't miss.

International travel was tricky for wizards. It was too far for apparition, Floo, and flying (which Hermione wouldn't consider anyway since she hated it). Therefore, most wizards used Portkeys to travel long distances.

There was a system setup between ministries in all of the major countries with a designated Portkey leaving at least once per day to each other country. It reminded Hermione of Muggle airports, but was much faster and safer.

For this trip Hermione had gotten extremely lucky. The wizard who had received her travel request at the Portkey office was a fan of hers and had offered to set up a personal Portkey going directly from Hogwarts to her parent's house. Hermione felt odd using her notoriety for this privilege, but was glad she didn't have to travel through the ministries and would be home hugging her parents in a matter of hours. Her trunk was already packed and waiting for her in McGonagall's office.

"Oh yeah," Dean said, "Australia right?" She nodded. "So you'll have a warm Christmas?" he asked.

Hermione sighed, "Yes, I will. That part I'm not excited about. Christmas is supposed to be cold and snowy." Dean nodded in agreement. "But I booked a Portkey back Christmas day so I can enjoy most of the day with my parents, then go to the Burrow with Ron and Harry for a proper, cold Christmas night."

Dean gave a small laugh, then looked at his watch. "Well we only have the dungeons left which shouldn't take more than 30 minutes, then what do you say we call it a night?"

"Sounds good to me."

They walked together to the dungeons. There was an unspoken rule among prefects that when patrolling in pairs, you stuck together in the dungeons. Sometimes they'd split up in safer areas of the castle to save time, but no one split up in the lower levels.

That was usually where students got up to the worst trouble because there were more places to hide. Hermione hadn't explored the depths of the dungeons and even the Marauder's map didn't seem to cover its deepest corridors.

Tonight was no night for adventures, Hermione thought to herself. She just wanted to check the common areas then get back to McGonagall's office so she could make her Portkey with plenty of time.

"Hey," Dean whispered as they approached the corridor opposite the kitchens, "Do you hear that?" Hermione stopped and strained her ears, then she heard a clank of metal. They both followed the sound until they came across a strange scene.

Two Slytherins, Hermione recognized one of them as Jones from the previous Quidditch match, were wearing suits of armor and fighting each other with the swords. She thought it was just the two of them at first, then she saw Blaise Zabini slumped against the wall on her right.

She ran over to him, fearing he'd been injured, but soon discovered he was just passed out and a quick sniff of his person made it clear why. "Drunk," she muttered to Dean.

The Slytherins in the armor finally noticed them and Hermione threw up a shield charm, fearing they'd attack. But instead of approaching her and Dean she heard them both mutter " _Wingardium Leviosa"_ and levitate each other deeper down the corridor, still wearing the suits of armor.

Hermione and Dean exchanged half amused, half confused glances. "What should we do?" Dean asked her.

She sighed in response, this was the part of her job she hated most. "We shouldn't go after them alone, they're probably pissed like Zabini. And they're armed." Dean snorted at her last comment and she couldn't help but join in his laughter for a few seconds.

"Okay," she instructed, "Why don't you go get Slughorn and go after them? His quarters are just around there," she motioned down the opposite direction from where the boys had gone. "And I'll get this one back to his room," she pointed at Zabini.

"Are you sure you want to go in there alone? I can help you, then we can both get Slughorn," Dean offered.

"No, we shouldn't let them get too far, and I'm the only one who can get into the Slytherin dormitories," she explained.

"If you're sure," Dean said hesitantly, crouching to check that Zabini was actually out. Then he grabbed Zabini's wand from his pocket and handed it to Hermione, "In case he wakes up."

"Thanks," Hermione said, pocketing the wand as she used her own to levitate Zabini. They walked toward Slughorn's room together, led by Zabini's lifeless body, then when they got to the split in the hall she waved bye to Dean and headed toward the Slytherin common room.

As Head Girl Hermione knew the passwords for all of the house common rooms, though she'd never had to use the Slytherin one before. She hesitated for a second outside the ominous stone wall, then took a moment to cast a disillusionment charm on herself and Zabini before muttering, " _Grindylow."_

The stone wall opened and she was relieved to find herself in a small entryway with stairs heading down on the right side and a long hallway ending in a fireplace on her left. She wouldn't have to walk through the common room to get to the dorms, thank goodness.

Hermione could hear a lot of noise coming from the common room on the left and moved quickly in the opposite direction, scanning the titles on the doors as she passed. The dorms weren't split for boys and girls, she noticed, they were all along the same staircase. She found this interesting, but not surprising.

Hermione stopped about halfway down the stairwell when she reached a black door that said _Seventh and Eighth Year Boys_ in silver letters _._ She tentatively opened the door to Zabini's room, then let out another sigh of relief when it was empty.

There were four beds in the room, all with dark green bedding and curtains. She shook Zabini to ask which bed was his, but he didn't respond so she crept to the nearest bed and checked a book on the nightstand for a name. _Lucas Jones._

Hermione moved over to the next bed. There were no books here, but she saw a prefect badge on the nightstand and figured this was Zabini's. She sighed, he really was the worst prefect ever. She lowered him onto his bed and placed his wand on the nightstand next to his badge. He turned onto his side once he hit the soft mattress and began snoring softly.

Hermione turned to leave and had her hand on the doorknob when it occurred to her that she was currently standing in Draco's room.

_Stop thinking about him!_

But she ignored the thought, suddenly overcome with curiosity, and walked through the room to the two beds she hadn't checked and studied them, guessing at which was Draco's bed. She predicted it was the neat bed next to Zabini's since it was the only one in the room that was made and that seemed very Draco to her.

Hermione wondered if he made his bed himself or had a house elf do it. She frowned at the thought, then approached the nightstand to see if there were any identifying objects that would prove she was correct. There was just one picture, a young Draco with his mother.

She wondered if his father had been in it originally and had just stepped out. Well she'd guessed right, this was definitely his bed.

_Now you need to leave!_

But before Hermione turned to go, she noticed a battered book next to the photo and curiosity overtook her logical mind once again. She looked over at Blaise, who was still asleep, then leaned over to read the title on the spine of the book. She gasped when she read the words there, _The Pureblood Doctrine Unraveled._

What was he doing with that? Was he reading it as a joke? Was this book behind his sudden shift in attitude toward her? She picked it up to see if he'd made any notes in it, but then a motion in the corner of her eye startled her and she jumped and dropped the book on the ground.

Hermione turned toward the motion, wand raised, but noticed it was just a grindylow in the window. She took a few deep breaths. No wonder Slytherins were so sour, she'd be sour too if she had to live in such a creepy place. Thank goodness her Head Girl room didn't have windows.

Hermione shook her head, this was stupid, anyone could come in at any second and catch her, she'd poked around enough.

The book she'd dropped had bounced off Draco's bag, which was propped against the nightstand, and skidded under his bed. She lit her wand and bent to look for it. That's when she saw something really strange. Under his bed was a tiny floating arm.

Against all of her better judgment, Hermione reached for the arm, but her hand hit an invisible barrier first. She felt around and then identified it as an invisible box that was holding the arm. She pulled it toward her, really curious to see the types of things Draco would hide in such a box.

The arm belonged to a doll, and she gasped when she realized what it must be. Draco had been so excited at the thought of using the Protean charm to create a type of reverse voodoo doll to track an illness. Hermione was sure that was what this was. The doll was blonde and naked, with green lines running up her arms and legs, stopping just at the torso and neck.

She glanced up at the door, making sure it was still closed, then moved quickly to the next item in the box, her heart pounding hard in her chest. She knew she should leave but was too intrigued by the thought of what else she would find to stop looking now.

Next she pulled out a small notebook, then she opened it and saw numerous notes on the Protean Charm. So she'd been right, that doll was linked to someone. She wondered who. Draco's mother? Who else would he care about enough to track? And what illness would cause those green lines?

Hermione reached into her robes and took out the notebook she used to keep notes about prefect meetings. She cringed slightly before clearing it of a full term's worth of notes, then copied Draco's notebook into hers. She knew this was a huge invasion of privacy, but she wanted to check his notes on that spell when she had more time.

Figuring she'd snooped for long enough, she put the notebook back and went to put the box away, but when she tilted the box to place it back under the bed she heard something heavy roll around inside.

Curious again, she reached and felt her hand close around a wand. She thought of her own wand and wondered if it had spent time in this box too. How many extra wands did Draco need? When she pulled the wand out to examine it she almost threw it violently away, recognizing it instantly.

Just then the door opened and Hermione straightened, pointing both the Elder Wand and her own, still lit wand at the person coming through the door. It was Draco. He was surprised to see her, then saw the Elder Wand in her hand and his expression turned angry.

"Why do you have this?" she whispered, still shocked at having found it in his possession.

He crossed the room in two steps then grabbed it from her quickly and shoved it into his robes, then he spat, "Why are you in here going through my stuff? Who do you think you are?" The hatred in his eyes was alarming.

Hermione saw none of the person she'd come to trust in them and she felt like crying. This was why he wanted to do Occlumency. He wanted this wand. And she'd shown him the memory that led him right to it. This meant he'd gone to Dumbledore's tomb.

She was still holding her lit wand and extinguished the spell quickly and raised it to him, but before she could decide on a curse to use the door burst open and Dean was there.

"Hermione," he rushed in, then hesitated when he saw her aiming her wand at Draco.

"How did you get in here? What happened with the other two?" Hermione asked, keeping her wand trained on Draco.

Dean smiled, which was unexpected, and said, "Come see," motioning down the hall in the direction she'd come in. Hermione wanted to stay and yell at Draco, slap him, take the wand back, but she didn't want to involve Dean in this situation.

She followed Dean into the common room where the two Slytherins were getting attacked by the suits of armor and Slughorn was trying to stun the armor unsuccessfully. "They were headed here through some back entrance to show off their prize, but when they got in the suits came to life. I guess the suits don't like this house or something. Brilliant, right?"

Hermione nodded, wanting to get back to Draco. She feigned a smile, then said, "I really need to catch my Portkey," she checked her watch, it wasn't a lie, it was leaving in 30 minutes.

She ran back to Draco's room, but he was gone. She saw that his bag was also gone. She didn't even bother checking for the box or the wand, she knew they'd be missing too.

Hermione sighed and pulled the notebook she'd copied out of her robes, studying it further. Before long she noticed both hers and Harry's name in it. She felt sick and completely unsure of her next move.

She should go straight to Harry, that was the most logical solution, he'd know what to do. But something was holding her back. The doll. She was pretty sure it was linked to Draco's mother, and if so there was something wrong with her. Was that why Draco needed the wand?

_What is wrong with you? With all of the evidence stacked against him you still think there's good in him? You're mental!_

There was a war waging in Hermione's mind during the long walk to McGonagall's office. By the time she reached the familiar stone gargoyle she'd made up her mind to go to her parents as planned, then read Draco's notebook immediately. After she had a full picture of Draco's plot she'd go straight to Harry.

When Hermione opened the door to the Headmistress' office she was relieved that McGonagall wasn't there, since she likely would have confessed everything at the site of her trusted mentor.

Hermione took a deep breath, then grabbed hold of her trunk with her left hand, then picked up the blue feathered quill on the desk which had already started glowing slightly with her other hand.

Hermione felt a familiar tug behind her navel and moments later arrived in the guest bedroom she'd stayed in last summer. She looked at the door, which was thankfully closed, then laid on the bed to collect her thoughts before announcing her arrival to her parents.

Hermione thought back to Draco's dormitory and how different it was from the bright, sunny room she was in now. At the thought of Draco holding the Elder Wand she finally lost her composure and broke down crying, casting a quick silencing charm on her room before she pulled her legs to her chest and sobbed loudly.

* * *

Hermione was sitting at the desk in her parent's guest room, reading Draco's notebook for the third time. When she first arrived in this room she'd allowed herself to cry for a solid half hour, then cleaned herself off and started reading the notebook.

Her mother had interrupted her when she was just halfway through and was annoyed that Hermione had started in on what looked like schoolwork instead of greeting her parents.

Hermione had to give up on the notebook then and spend the rest of the day with her parents. By the time they'd gone to bed she was absolutely knackered since with the time change she'd been awake for 30 straight hours. She rummaged around in her trunk for an Energy potion she'd pulled off of a younger student earlier in the year so she could stay awake and finish reading the notebook.

But the problem with Energy potions was they gave you a short burst of energy, then completely knocked you out. When she woke up the house was quiet and it was light outside. She guessed it was midday Monday and her parents must be at work. Ignoring her grumbling stomach, she picked up Draco's notebook and went right back to studying it.

When she reached the last page, which was just the same line repeated hundreds of times _"She doesn't deserve this,"_ Hermione pushed away from the desk and stretched her arms, considering the lines.

Who was the _she_ Draco was referring to? Was it her? Was he feeling remorseful? Or was it the ill person represented by the doll? Hermione knew which she preferred, but had committed to taking a purely analytical approach to this problem and not let her feelings get in the way again.

She sighed and stood up from her chair and started pacing the room. She should take a bath, or brush her teeth, or at least comb her hair, but she was committed to figuring out Draco's plan so she could determine if he was an immediate threat to her or her friends.

Yes, she still called him Draco in her mind, it was disturbing, but she didn't focus on it, she had more important things to think through, like everything she'd learned from his journal.

Well in reality, the notebook wasn't exactly a journal, it was mainly a compilation of notes and lists. Occasionally Draco wrote something more personal, but those were typically just one or two sentences. Each time Hermione came across one it broke her heart. For someone so arrogant Draco was suffering from some pretty big self-esteem issues.

_Get a grip Hermione._

She returned to the desk and flipped to the blank pages at the back of the notebook and started writing a list of her own.

Facts:

_1\. Someone Draco knows is sick – perhaps Mother, need confirmation._

_2\. Sickness manifests itself as green veins. Parts of skin with green veins are paralyzed._

_3\. Based on doll, green veins are on both arms and legs, not neck or torso – yet._

She stopped and looked at her notes. That was all she seemed to know about the illness. She could write more about the doll, but that was unrelated to the problem. The manipulations Draco had made to the Protean Charm were impressive, she'd definitely be sending notes on it to St. Mungo's. Probably best to keep it anonymous though. She looked back at the page and started to jot down more facts.

_4\. Draco is convinced the Elder Wand is required to remove the spell._

This part of the whole mystery was tricky, since there was nothing in the notebook about why. Was it because the Elder Wand was more powerful than any other wands Draco had tried to use? Had the Elder Wand been the wand to cast the curse? Or maybe it was required for blackmail.

Was someone threatening the woman who was ill and demanding Draco bring them the Elder Wand before they healed the victim? Hermione continued with the facts she did know.

_5\. Draco used Hermione to find the location of the wand. First by partnering her in Arithmancy, then by 'pretending' to teach her Occlumency._

Hermione thought by writing this is the third person it would hurt less. It didn't. He had manipulated her so thoroughly. It was right here in the notebook how he'd planned to give her a false sense of accomplishment in Occlumency, so that when he was ready to look for the memory she'd be unable to stop him.

How he hadn't even known Legilimency, he'd been learning right along with her in their lessons. The betrayal hurt more than she expected, especially since all of the signs had been there and she'd failed to see them. She should have known better. She went back to the notebook.

_Unknown Items:_

_1\. Will Draco attack Harry to win ownership of the wand?_

Hermione was out of facts, this last item was the big question on her mind. But without knowing why Draco needed the wand, she couldn't figure out his next move. She knew she should warn Harry, but she didn't have a reliable way to get a hold of him.

She couldn't Floo him from this far away, and she couldn't just Portkey back, her parents would be furious. She wished she could call him on a muggle phone, but she knew Harry didn't have one.

Hermione had already composed twenty different letters before crumbling them up, having no idea how to explain what had happened with just words on a page.

_I willingly let Draco Malfoy into my thoughts and he found the memory of you telling Dumbledore where the Elder wand was, then he stole the wand._

_I was naive and thought Draco Malfoy had changed, turns out he was just manipulating me to get to the Elder wand and I let him._

_I am the stupidest, most gullible person ever and I'm the reason Draco Malfoy has the Elder Wand right now._

Hermione flipped back through Draco's notebook, thinking how inadequate wizard communication really was. Draco had struggled with the same issue early on, listing out the possible communication methods between he and his mother and why they wouldn't work with her condition and the Hogwarts restrictions.

He'd planned to pick up a two-way mirror, but never made the trip to Diagon Alley, using his house-elf Nessie as an intermediary instead.

Well Hermione didn't have a house-elf, and even if she did, she didn't know if they'd be able to Apparate internationally. Maybe if their master wanted them to, they were extremely powerful. She sighed, coming across one of Draco's more heart-breaking passages.

_I've done nothing of note my entire life. I'm pathetic._

These were her words, she'd said this to him on the train. And although she still hated him for using her, and she hated herself for letting him, there was a part of her that understood that he'd done it all due to this passage, and this is what really kept her from sending letters to Harry.

Hermione sighed, looking down at Draco's words. She could see tear stains on the page and touched them with the tip of her fingers. She flipped to the last few pages of the book again which were covered with the same line repeated.

_She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve this._

She could be completely wrong about him still, she'd been wrong about him all year. Maybe this was just more of the manipulation. Some insurance in case someone discovered his invisible box. What if he was working with the missing Death Eaters?

Hermione wished she could send someone to check, just to be sure. To see if his mother was ill, and if he was alone in the Manor and not in league with any Death Eaters. But again, her thoughts came back to Harry. He really was the only one she trusted to go there with an open mind and not lock Draco up the second he found out what he'd done.

She stood and paced the room again, her thoughts were going in loops. She had to tell Harry, she just, couldn't for some reason. She was so pathetic, so attached to the idea of Draco's redemption that she couldn't see what was right in front of her.

Hermione glared back at the notebook which had opened to the page where Draco had recapped one of the house-elf's most recent progress reports when she got an idea. Maybe there was a house-elf she could use. A house-elf who had both Harry and Draco's best interest in mind. Someone who could check on Draco and report back to Harry if anything was truly wrong.

"Kreacher!" Hermione yelled, but wasn't surprised when he didn't appear. He only responded to his master's requests.

"Kreacher! I need your help, Harry's in trouble!" Still nothing. She ripped a blank page out of the notebook then scribbled,

_Harry-_

_I'm working on more S.P.E.W. ideas with my free time here and was hoping you wouldn't mind sending Kreacher to help me if he's available. Hope all is well; looking forward to seeing everyone soon._

_-Hermione_

She read it over, it seemed innocent enough, and if she sent it by express owl Harry should have it by tomorrow. Then she could send Kreacher to check on Narcissa, see if she was really sick and maybe try to find out what Draco had planned.

Hermione could trust Kreacher to keep the secret if Harry wasn't in danger, he was still pretty loyal to the Blacks. And if Harry was in danger she was sure Kreacher would act to protect him. She rushed to get some clothes on so she could reach the Australian Ministry before it closed and send the letter, finally glad to have a plan.

* * *

It had been a week since Granger had discovered the Elder Wand in his room and Draco had been unable to remove the upsetting image of her betrayed expression from his mind. Why had she been snooping through his things anyway? He dropped this thought, knowing he didn't really have a right to be angry after the way he'd treated her.

Self-loathing wasn't a new emotion for him, but feeling this way because he'd manipulated and taken advantage of someone else was. Especially when the person in question was a muggle-born Gryffindor who also happened to be Potter's best friend.

After Draco had stolen Granger's memory he'd felt pangs of guilt, but tried to bury them. He'd always been good at compartmentalizing his feelings. But seeing his treachery reflected in her eyes was almost too much for him. He had almost run after her to confess the whole thing. Almost.

But Draco had his mother to consider and wouldn't fail in this mission like he had in every mission before. Granger was right when she'd called him pathetic on the train, but he would finish this and prove her wrong.

Draco was already operating on borrowed time though and had no idea why Aurors hadn't showed up at the Manor already. That just meant Granger hadn't told anyone yet.

He stopped thinking about her. He'd been circling through the reasons she'd have to keep his secret and had gotten nowhere, and he needed to focus on the task at hand.

Draco looked over at the ministry door, waiting for Potter to emerge. He had his schedule down now since he'd been following wonder boy for a week.

Potter lived in a muggle area of London in an unsuspecting house. Draco knew it was hidden at one point but two Death Eaters had revealed its location last year so he could see it clearly. He himself had been assigned to patrol it a few times during the war waiting in vain for Potter to return.

Draco watched Potter leave the house with Weasley around 8:30 each morning and walk to the train station. They took the muggle train to the Ministry and entered through the main entrance. Potter would occasionally leave for lunch, but these excursions were erratic and Draco couldn't count on them.

Potter then left between 5:30 and 6:00 and would sometimes stop by a pub or Diagon Alley or a restaurant to get dinner. Other times he'd go straight home.

Draco had yet to catch Potter alone. He was either with his boyfriend Weasley or with another Gryffindor. He'd been with the she-Weasley once but he hadn't seen him with Granger yet, which was for the best, Draco didn't need to see her right now.

Each day since returning from Hogwarts Draco had disguised himself with dark hair and dark eyes and sat in an alley, watching the Ministry entrance all day. He wished he could do more but he knew that if he remained patient, he'd eventually catch Potter alone.

Draco considered hexing Weasley to draw him away from Potter, but he wasn't that desperate yet. Potter was clever and had good instincts and Draco didn't want to tip him off to something wrong unless absolutely necessary. But if he didn't catch Potter alone soon, he might get desperate enough to take them on two on one, hoping the element of surprise would be enough to ensure his success.

His mother's disease had reached her neck. Her breathing was labored and her voice was gone and she was only able to eat liquids now. She had barely responded when Draco showed her the Elder Wand. But he was so close. He'd be able to save her soon.

Draco focused back on the door and watched Potter exit with Longbottom this time. "Damn" he muttered to himself, but followed them anyway. Maybe they'd split ways and he'd be able to catch Potter alone. Draco pulled the collar on his cloak up to cover his face and followed after the two men, unaware that he himself was being followed.

* * *

"Kreacher has an update for his Master's Mud-" Kreacher paused, then corrected, "Muggle-born friend on the youngest Malfoy." Hermione cast a quick silencing charm on her room, then motioned for Kreacher to continue.

He'd first appeared last week and had eagerly agreed to help her. He had gotten attached to Draco when he'd tailed him for Harry in sixth year and was looking for a reason to see him again.

It also appeared that when Harry sent Kreacher to Hermione he had instructed the elf to comply with any of her requests. But she didn't want to use that power over Kreacher if she didn't have to. So far, he'd been working to help her willingly. The only official order she'd given him was to not tell anyone what he was up to.

"Yes, thank you Kreacher, please go on."

"My late mistress's niece is still very ill. Her beauty is unmatched and her grace even while bedridden is apparent. The Malfoy boy works tirelessly to cure her condition-"

"Yes, we've been through this," Hermione cut in, "But have you figured out any details yet? Is anyone blackmailing them?"

All she'd learned was that Narcissa was the ill person, with green veins on her arms, legs, and neck and she was alone with Draco in the Manor with just one house elf as a companion. And she knew Draco was following Harry. She suspected to find a chance to disarm or stun him so he could win ownership of the wand.

"The Malfoy boy finally spoke his plan aloud and Kreacher overheard," Kreacher admitted with a smile on his face, "He does plan to win ownership of the wand but my master will not be harmed, so there is no reason for the Mud- muggle-born to act. Kreacher will continue to follow the Malfoy boy and step in if his master is in any danger."

"Wait, what was the full plan? What is he going to do to get ownership? How do you know Harry will be safe?"

"Kreacher's master is calling, he must go."

He Disapparated with a loud crack and Hermione sighed. If Kreacher wasn't concerned about Harry she knew she shouldn't be, but it was still unsettling, the thought of Draco being the master of the Elder Wand instead of Harry.

And now that she knew of Draco's plot to attack Harry in some way, she should warn her friend. By not speaking up she was putting Draco's interests ahead of her best friend. If Harry knew he'd be furious. But every time she considered this her mind recalled another passage from Draco's notebook.

_Last resort: Potter saves the fucking day (again) and Draco Malfoy finally gives up._

She knew Draco had been defeated by Harry countless times in their childhood. From wins on the Quidditch pitch to the ultimate win where Harry was able to kill Voldemort, this obviously had a detrimental impact on Draco's own self-confidence.

This passage implied that Draco meant to include Harry in the end, so maybe this whole thing didn't involve any Death Eaters. If his mother was in danger, she wondered why he hadn't involved Harry immediately. But Draco seemed to need to do this himself to prove that he could.

Hermione didn't agree with this reasoning by any means, but she'd always been able to put herself in others' shoes. It was why she never blamed Kreacher for the terrible way he'd treated her, she knew it was just how he was molded by other wizards to behave.

She sighed, still not believing she could feel compassionate toward someone who had used her all term. Didn't the fact that Draco had been so manipulative toward her prove he still thought of her as a worthless Mudblood? Tears started to well in her eyes, and she let them fall this time.

Later when her mother asked about her swollen eyes, she just blamed boy trouble, which was mostly correct, if not a bit of an over-simplification.

* * *

Hermione was cleaning dishes without magic following a quiet Christmas Eve dinner with her parents. She hadn't seen Kreacher again since his update a few days ago and hoped that was a good sign. After spending Christmas morning with her parents, she planned to catch the noon Portkey to the London Ministry so she'd be with her friends in time for Christmas dinner. Then she'd pull Harry aside and tell him everything she knew.

He'd know what to do and he'd forgive her. He'd probably insist on telling Ron and Ginny too. Ron would tease her endlessly, but he'd also forgive her in the end. And Ginny would have a field day, she was the person whose reaction Hermione was dreading the most.

"Hermione," her father's voice cut in urgently, "Um, I think that's for you," she looked over to where he was pointing and recognized Ginny's horse Patronus. She put the plate she was washing into the sink and turned to face the Patronus, which then started speaking in Ginny's urgent voice: " _Harry's been attacked. We're all at St. Mungos. Please come."_

The Patronus disappeared and her mother gasped. "You said this was over," her father was saying, "You said there was no danger of you being back there."

Hermione didn't know what to say. _St. Mungo's. Kreacher said Harry wasn't in any danger._

Her stomach tightened painfully and she wanted to scream, she should have warned Harry, Kreacher was supposed to protect him. She'd been so stupid.

"Mum, Dad, I can't explain it all, but I am not in danger, I promise," she wasn't sure this was true. If Draco had injured Harry badly enough to send him to St. Mungo's, maybe he was working with the other Death Eaters. And if they had possession of the Elder Wand no one was safe.

She had to get back to Harry. "But Harry, he needs my help," she added, running to the guest room to pack her things.

"We are not letting you leave," her father said in a surprisingly forceful voice. Hermione stopped and turned to address him.

"I will be fine. Please, I just need to check on Harry. This is not like before, and I'll keep you informed of everything, I promise."

They stared each other down in the hall, and Hermione wondered if she'd have the nerve to use magic against them again. They'd never forgive her if she did.

"We can't force her to stay here Paul," her mother cut in, placing a calming hand on her father's arm. She walked to Hermione and gave her a hug. "You send us a letter every day." Hermione nodded, itching to get in her room and pack her trunk. Her Portkey wasn't scheduled until the next day but she'd just show up at the Australian Ministry and figure something out.

"Thanks mum," Hermione rushed. Then went to hug her father, who still looked angry but at least hugged her back.

"I'm really sorry to miss Christmas, I'll write to you." She turned to her room and picked her wand up off the desk, then quickly packed up the clothes and books scattered around the room.

"Don't forget your gifts honey," her mother was in the doorway holding a small pile of wrapped presents, smiling sadly. Hermione gave her a grateful smile in return, then levitated the gifts onto the top of her trunk. She gave her mother and father one last hug, then grabbed her trunk and Apparated to the Australian ministry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well she finally knows. Gryffindors really are nosy. But I so would have snooped just as thoroughly if I were Hermione. I think it's Draco's own fault for being so secretive. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, even though there was very limited Hermione/Draco interaction. Thanks for sticking with the story so far1


	14. Christmas

**Chapter 14 – Christmas**

"This is ridiculous!" Hermione's heart leapt when she heard Harry's voice as she approached his hospital room from the hall. Her eyes searched for him immediately when she entered the room and she found him on the hospital bed, being held down by Ginny and Ron.

"It's been hours and all the tests they ran came back negative, there is nothing wrong with me so let me out of the bed."

Harry's room, not surprisingly, was packed. Kingsley was on the side reviewing a piece of parchment with an Auror Hermione didn't know. Molly, Author, and George were on the other side of his bed, watching Harry fight with amused expressions on their faces. George noticed her first and said, "Oh hey, Hermione."

Hermione gave George a quick wave, then went to Harry's bed and stood next to Ron. "Sorry it took me so long," she explained quickly, "I had to break into the Portkey office at the Australian ministry, confound the guard, then get a Portkey to take me to London immediately rather than wait until the next day."

"You made a Portkey?" Ron asked, impressed, giving her a quick hug.

"Well, no. I just modified one, but I'm here now," she turned back to Harry, "What happened?"

"I was stunned in an alley when I was out shopping and then everyone completely overreacted. I am perfectly fine but they've insisted I stay in this bed for hours. I am glad you're here, Hermione, but you didn't need to break into an office to get here, it's not an emergency, I'm fine." He said this last bit to Ginny, who scowled back at him.

Hermione was a little disappointed, he was in St. Mungo's for being stunned? She thought he'd actually been hurt. Then she guessed all of these people were probably overreacting since it was Harry Potter. She was just glad he was okay. And she figured knowing exactly who had done this and why gave her more peace of mind than the others.

Hermione tried to configure her face to show surprise. "Um, you couldn't tell who did it?"

Harry shook his head, "Some man approached me but he had a long cloak pulled up to cover his face. I thought he seemed familiar, but I can't place him. He looked like he was about to ask me a question, but before I knew it a stunning spell was heading my way. I didn't have a chance to react."

"We think," Kingsley cut in, "It may have been an attack by some of the rouge Death Eaters, maybe gone awry. Potter's house-elf is the one who reported the attack, but he said he didn't see anyone else in the alley. Maybe the others saw the house-elf appear and ran off before they were able to finish their plan. We worried that maybe they cursed Potter or planted something on him but he seems fine."

"I am," Harry cut in.

"I had Cooper draw up a list of all known Death Eaters who are not locked up or were not under surveillance at the time of the attack. If you can review this Potter," he walked to Harry's bed and handed him the parchment.

Hermione knew who would be on that list. She wished she could talk to Harry alone, but he really did seem fine, and her resolve to confess everything was wavering as she thought of this huge crowd of people and what they'd think of her if she admitted the truth. She suddenly felt very claustrophobic and left the room and sat on the floor in the hall.

Ron followed her, then sat down on the floor next to her.

"You must be exhausted," he said.

Hermione waved her hand, "I'm just glad he's okay. I was so scared, Ginny's Patronus was a little vague."

"Yeah, he seems fine. It just, it makes no sense. Why would someone want to stun him?" Hermione shook her head, then they just sat in silence for a few moments.

Hermione was about to go get some tea when Ginny poked her head into the hall and said, "There you two are, come back, Harry just found his wand is missing."

"What?" Ron said, then stood quickly, offering Hermione a hand to help her up. Her mind flashed to Draco doing the same thing the night he'd asked her to forgive him, but she pushed it out. He'd had enough of her attention for a lifetime. She needed to focus on her friends right now. Hermione grabbed Ron's hand and stood up, then they followed Ginny inside the room.

Harry had finally gotten out of bed and was frantically checking his cloak and the bags on a chair. He must have been shopping for presents when he was attacked.

"It's gone." He said in a hollow voice, looking right at Hermione. Harry knew that out of everyone here she would understand his attachment to that wand the most. She sighed, then walked over to him, wishing she could give him comfort.

So Draco had taken his wand. He must have thought that would be the best way to ensure he actually got ownership of the Elder Wand, to take physical ownership of Harry's current wand. But there was no way Draco could know how attached Harry was to his phoenix feather wand. This was almost worse than a serious injury.

"We'll get it back Harry," Hermione reassured, but she knew it sounded like an empty promise to him. She meant it though, she'd let Draco get away with enough. She would not let him keep Harry's wand.

"Bloody hell," Ron cursed to himself, then walked over closer to Harry and Hermione, muttering under his breath so only they could hear, "Do you suppose this is related to the Elder Wand?"

Harry's eyes grew wide, then angry, "How could they know?"

Ron looked around and noticed everyone in the room staring at the three of them, trying to hear what they were whispering about.

"I need to speak with Ron and Hermione alone," Harry announced to the room.

Kingsley gave him a disapproving expression, but turned to leave, and the rest of the room's occupants followed him, except for Ginny. "I'm staying," she challenged, and Harry just nodded at her. Hermione closed the door and cast _Muffliato_ , then turned back to her friends.

"What is it?" Ginny cut in.

"Ron thinks maybe this is related to the Elder Wand."

Ginny's eyes widened, then she nodded her head. "What do you think, Hermione?" she asked.

"It makes sense. It wasn't a secret Harry had the wand, you announced it to a large audience in the final battle. But the only people who know where you put it are in this room."

_And Draco Malfoy. He knows too, but I'm too much of a coward to tell you all that._

"It wouldn't be impossible to guess it's location," Harry said. "Maybe Voldemort told his followers where he'd gotten it. I should have warded it, I was cocky, thinking this was all behind me," he shook his head and Hermione felt bad for him.

This was her fault, not his. The last thing Harry needed now was another reason to blame himself.

"We don't know for sure they have the wand." Ron said, "I can go now and-"

"I'm going too," Harry added.

"And me." Ginny said. They all looked at Hermione. She didn't want to go to Hogwarts, she knew the wand wasn't there. She wanted to go to Malfoy Manor and get Harry's wand back from Draco.

"We shouldn't just barge straight there, they may be expecting that. It could be a trap." It didn't make sense, but Hermione was the planner and they were looking to her for their next steps. Ginny was about to cut in when she continued, "Have Kingsley send a team of Aurors-"

"We're Aurors!" Ron said.

"Trained Aurors," Hermione corrected. "Plus, do you really want to break into Dumbledore's grave?"

"Then what do _we_ do?" Harry asked.

"I don't know. Wait. This isn't like last time Harry, we don't have to do this alone. Have Kingsley check, they have better resources anyway and may be able to find clues if it is missing."

"She's right," Ginny said, then laid her hand on Harry's shoulder. "Let Kingsley deal with this. We have Teddy coming over tonight for dinner and presents and we can't ruin his Christmas. If the wand is missing, we'll figure out what to do next, but it's not worth worrying about it until then."

Harry sighed, but nodded. Hermione felt bad for her friend, but at this point there wasn't much she could do for him. She was already planning an excuse to allow her to slip away before dinner. She'd go straight to the Manor herself, get Harry's wand, and deliver it back to him. She owed him that much.

Harry talked to Kingsley and he agreed to send a team of Aurors to Hogwarts the next day, not wanting to disrupt Christmas Eve and Christmas morning for something that was still just a theory.

Then Harry was finally discharged and he, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione apparated to Harry's house to pass the few hours before Christmas Eve Dinner at the Burrow was set to start.

Hermione started talking when they all arrived in the small sitting room. "If you guys don't mind, I uh, left my gifts for everyone at home since I packed in such a rush." That was a lie, but hopefully they'd believe it. "I'm going to pop over to Diagon Alley before dinner to get a few things and I'll meet you all at the Burrow."

"You don't have to worry about gifts Hermione, just send them to us later," Ron said.

"I won't be back home until Easter, it's really okay, and I could use some fresh air and a distraction."

"You sure?" Ron asked, looking at her suspiciously. Ron was a lot more intuitive than she remembered. First guessing correctly that the Elder Wand was involved, now this. Auror training was definitely working.

She nodded in response, not trusting her voice, then Harry said, "You really shouldn't go out alone."

"I'll be fine, really. I'll disguise myself if that would make you feel better."

After a few disguising spells and few more protestations, Hermione was able to escape Grimmauld Place and apparate to Diagon Alley. She looked around to make sure she hadn't been followed, then stepped into an abandoned alleyway and called for Kreacher.

"Yes miss?" The elf appeared instantly.

"Kreacher, you did a good job getting Harry straight to St. Mungos. Thank you."

He nodded, seemingly unaffected by her words.

"I need you to take me to Malfoy Manor. Will you be able to get me through the wards?"

He nodded again, hesitantly this time.

"Then take me," Hermione said in a strong voice, feeling guilty for ordering him around.

Kreacher pulled her hand into his small, knobby one and looked around quickly before apparating them both away.

* * *

Hermione and Kreacher landed in a large hallway a few seconds later. The walls were white and lined with portraits and the ceiling was covered in intricate, dark wood paneling. It was dimly lit and Hermione had to squint to make out the end of the corridor.

She looked up and saw that the candles on the chandeliers in the hall were almost out. She looked around then and was relieved when she didn't recognize anything, glad Kreacher hadn't apparated them into the drawing room.

"Where are they?" she whispered to Kreacher.

He pointed down the long hall and croaked back, "Last door on the right." Hermione could barely make out six dark wood doors in the hall, three on each side, then she turned back to Kreacher and asked, "And it's just Draco and Narcissa in here? No one else?"

Kreacher nodded in response and Hermione moved her wand over her body, removing the disguising charms she, Harry, and Ron had placed earlier. "You can go Kreacher, thanks for your help."

The house elf Disapparated quickly, eager to leave, and Hermione took a deep breath, then walked toward the door Kreacher had pointed out to her. While walking down the long hall she was haunted by the eerie silence. All of the portraits glared at her, but remained quiet.

She'd expected a welcome more like the one she'd received when first visiting Sirius's house, but was glad to have the element of surprise on her side.

It was risky coming here alone, even if she only had a bedridden woman and Draco to deal with. Draco Malfoy may not be a Death Eater anymore, but that didn't mean he wasn't dangerous.

When Hermione got to the door at the end of the hall she stopped and took a deep breath. " _Homenum Revelio,"_ she muttered, and let out her breath in relief when she saw there were just two people on the other side of the door, as Kreacher had said. She took another breath and raised her wand, then let herself into the room.

The scene she encountered inside was not one she'd expected. Narcissa was in bed, asleep and a tall, thin house elf was patting her head with a cloth. It took Hermione a few moments to spot Draco, who was sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall next to Hermione, staring off in the distance.

He hadn't noticed her come in. The only one who'd noticed Hermione's arrival was the elf. Her large brown eyes widened, but she stayed quiet.

Hermione closed the heavy door behind her then approached Draco, who still hadn't noticed her. She dropped next to him and saw that his grey eyes were completely unfocused. She looked down and saw he had two wands in his right hand, the Elder Wand and Harry's wand.

Well there it was, the wand she'd come for. She could easily grab both wands out of Draco's hand now and leave. But instead of reaching for the wands, Hermione grabbed the side of Draco's face and pulled it toward her so his unfocused eyes were facing her. "Malfoy," she said in a clear voice, "Malfoy, snap out of it."

He dragged his eyes slowly away from the window he'd been staring out of and looked back into her eyes, but she didn't see any recognition there, so she continued to call out to him.

Eventually Draco reached up a hand to her cheek. As soon as his skin touched hers he snapped out of his trance, perhaps surprised to find warmth behind the touch, and he crawled backward out of her grip.

"Granger," Draco said roughly, tightening his hand around the two wands, "What are you doing here?"

"I- uh," Hermione hesitated. She stood up then and said with more confidence than she was feeling, "I came to get the wands."

Draco stared up at her from his spot on the ground with an equally defiant look and Hermione gripped her hand tighter around her wand, ready to defend herself against an attack. He looked quickly at her hand on her wand, then back into her eyes.

Suddenly the boldness she'd seen in his gaze started to crumble, then the rest of his expression collapsed with it and he started crying right in front of her.

It was one of the most alarming things Hermione had ever seen. Draco dropped the wands on the ground and they rolled along the wood floor stopping inches away from Hermione's feet. Then he pulled his knees into his chest and dipped his head onto them as he sobbed.

Hermione was frozen in place, then eventually bent to pick up the wands from the floor. She looked back at Narcissa then, who was still asleep. Hermione approached the older witch and saw that the nasty green veins along her body looked much worse in person than they had on the doll.

Draco hadn't managed to remove the curse, even with the Elder Wand. She guessed that explained his breakdown. She looked back at him and he was still crying silently into his knees. Hermione watched him for a time, then as if he could feel her eyes on him, he looked up at her.

Draco gave her a questioning look, as if to ask why she was still there, having already grabbed what she'd supposedly come for. Hermione was wondering the same thing. "Why is she still sick?" she asked.

Draco have her a confused look, and she remembered that as far as he knew she only knew about the Elder Wand and not the entire contents of his notebook. He'd stopped crying and stood then, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he moved to join her next to his mother's bed.

The house elf looked inquiringly at Draco when he approached the bed, and he gave her a curt nod, then she re-wet the cloth she was holding and went back to patting Narcissa's brow.

"The wand, everything I did to get it," Draco's voice was rough from crying and she wouldn't have recognized it as his otherwise, "it was all for her," he looked back at his mother and Hermione felt tears well behind her eyes when she saw the mix of grief and love in his gaze.

He turned his eyes back to Hermione and they bored into her own for a few seconds, then she saw them well with tears again. "Please," he begged her, "get Potter. Can you-" he stopped and took a deep breath, then continued, "I know you hate me, you have every reason, but she," he motioned to his mother, "she hasn't done anything. She got this for saving Potter."

Voldemort had done this? When?

Draco grabbed Hermione's arm then, but almost immediately dropped it, probably remembering what happened the last time he'd grabbed her. "Can you apologize to Potter for me and get him to come? Can you get him to come save her?" Tears began streaming down his cheeks again but he kept her gaze, waiting to hear her verdict.

Hermione felt a jolt of sympathy in her chest. She should go get Harry, now was the time, but she couldn't leave Draco alone like this. And he should be the true master of the Elder Wand, why hadn't it worked?

"Maybe I can help, since I'm already here. What happened when you tried to remove it?"

Draco looked back at her confused, then lifted his hand to wipe away his tears again. Hermione turned away to give him privacy and noticed the doll with the green veins on the nightstand next to her.

Draco reached past her then and she thought he was going to grab the doll, but instead he picked up the book the doll was laying on.

He opened the large tome to a marked page and shoved it toward Hermione, but when she went to grab it he kept a firm grip on the book. "Can you get Potter here? If this doesn't work?"

She nodded at him, then he released the book and watched her as she read the page he'd indicated. It explained the spell that seemed to match the one his mother had perfectly, then moved into a detailed description of the counter-spell. "Yes," Hermione muttered once she reached the end of the page, "This is definitely the spell."

When she looked back at Draco he was watching the house elf tend to his mother. "How does the Elder Wand factor in?" Hermione asked.

He looked back at her and said in a flat voice, "It was the wand that cast the curse."

Hermione nodded, understanding now. That would be the only explanation for why the curse remained after its caster had died.

"Try it again," she instructed, closing the book and placing it back on the nightstand.

"I've tried it a hundred times," he looked back at Hermione annoyed.

"I'll watch and make sure you have the wand work and incantation right. Or maybe I'll just catch some other error you haven't seen." Hermione didn't know if that would help, but she didn't know what else to do and wanted to try at least one thing before going back to get Harry.

Draco nodded, but looked like he didn't think it would work. He reached out for the wand she was still holding and she reluctantly handed him the Elder Wand, but kept Harry's tight in her hand.

Draco started waving the wand in the pattern prescribed in the book and Hermione wasn't surprised to find his form was perfect. He began the incantation and Narcissa's body started to glow with a faint pink haze.

Hermione watched the pink haze attach itself to the veins on her body and thought this must be working. Draco was straining and she noticed then the doll on the nightstand table was also glowing pink.

"Wait, stop," she placed a hand on Draco's wand arm, pushing it down to break the spell.

Draco stopped chanting and the pink haze disappeared.

"The doll," Hermione pointed to it on the nightstand.

"What?"

"I think the doll is anchoring the spell. You need to drop the Protean Charm on the doll." Hermione carefully picked up the blonde doll. This really was a marvelous piece of spell work. She handed it back to Draco, who was looking at it angrily now.

"Go ahead," she urged.

He shook his head and handed it back to her, "You do it."

"Me?"

"I'm almost completely out of magic. You undo this and then I may have enough energy for one more attempt with the counter-curse. Please." He added at the end. He rubbed his face with his free hand and Hermione noticed then how tired he really looked. His skin was almost grey and he had dark blue bags under his eyes.

Hermione looked down at the doll, then tucked Harry's wand into her robes and pulled her own wand out. She studied the doll for a moment, trying to remember the details of the charm he'd created from his notebook.

She slowly started to unravel the spell linking the doll to Narcissa. In a few moments the doll was back to normal and clear of all her green veins.

She looked back at Draco who was watching her fascinated, maybe wondering how she'd known how to undo the spell so easily. "Ready to try again?" she asked, suppressing a smirk.

He dropped his head then, and asked, "And you'll get Potter here, if this doesn't work?"

"Yes. But Malfoy, you can do this." She didn't know why she was encouraging him. She was supposed to be hating him. But she could tell he needed it.

Draco looked determinedly back at his mother, then cocked his head toward the house elf who took the cue to stop touching Narcissa. He began casting the counter-curse again. In seconds the pink haze was back, and this time when it latched itself onto the veins they started disappearing.

Hermione watched as Draco kept the spell going for as long as he could, she could see his arm shaking and he was wobbling on his feet. She grabbed a chair for him and eased him down into it but he barely registered his change in position, focusing all of his energy on keeping the spell going. Suddenly the pink haze flashed silver and disappeared and at the same moment Draco collapsed.

* * *

Draco woke up in an unfamiliar room. He looked around and saw Granger in a chair on his right, then for a bizarre moment thought he was at the hospital wing at Hogwarts. It was wrong though, he realized he did know this room, and it wasn't in Hogwarts, it was a spare bedroom in his house. And Granger was on the wrong side anyway, she always used to sit on his left.

Granger. She'd come, she'd helped. "My mother," Draco shot up in bed, remembering what he'd been doing before he lost consciousness. Had she gone for Potter? Was Potter in with his mother now?

"She's fine. It appears your counter-curse worked, though you'll have to wait for her to wake up to test that she got the feeling back. She's asleep now." Granger had risen to standing and was watching him with an uneasy expression.

"You came." He said simply, hoping she'd answer the implied questions there. _Why the hell didn't you turn me in? Why are you here? Why did you help?_

She didn't though, she just said in a flat voice, "I did."

Granger was looking out the window behind him now and he took the opportunity to study her face. She was troubled, that much was clear. She'd been biting her lip and he saw she'd been crying too.

It was he who'd caused that, he knew. He'd hurt her feelings and she'd still come to help him and even stayed to make sure he was okay. She'd likely been the one to get him into this bed

Draco was reminded again of all her visits in the hospital wing. She was always there when no one else was, and look how he'd treated her in turn.

"We have a lot of conversations like this," he said tentatively, and she looked back at him then. "Me laying in a bed recovering from some injury while you stand there, though you're on the wrong side this time."

Draco saw anger flash into her eyes now, and a part of him was relieved to see she still had fire in her. He wondered how much she knew about all he'd done.

"This time will be different. I'm leaving. I'm glad your mother is better, but I got what I came for," she held up Potter's wand then, "and I have to go now. It's Christmas Eve."

Granger left the room abruptly and Draco shot out of bed and scrambled to the doorway, his head spinning. When he opened the door she was already halfway down the hall.

"Granger, I'm sorry."

She stopped in place, but didn't turn back toward him. He wished she would, he wanted to see the expression on her face. He barely caught her next words, since she was facing away from him when she spoke. "Just- return the Elder Wand tonight. Kingsley and a team of Aurors will be checking Dumbledore's grave tomorrow."

She disapparated then and Draco sighed, then made his way toward his mother's room on the other side of the hall.

* * *

Hermione was sitting in Ginny's bedroom watching the snow fall outside the window. She'd excused herself an hour or so ago after Andromeda took a sleeping Teddy home and Molly started playing one of her favorite holiday programs on the radio.

After leaving the Manor she'd apparated to a nearby Owl Post and sent Harry's wand to him. Then she went back to Grimmauld Place. Ron, Ginny, and Harry were in the sitting room talking and she wondered if they'd been in there the whole time she'd been gone.

They'd been waiting for her to return before going to the Burrow and she made a longer than necessary trip to the loo first to give the owl enough time to arrive before they all left. When she returned Harry was holding his wand with a big grin on his face, but after Ron pointed out that he'd have to submit it to the Auror office for testing his face fell.

He'd placed it on the table near the door, looking at it warily, then pulled out Draco's wand from his robes to use for apparition instead. Hermione found his substitute wand fitting and held in a smirk.

The rest of the night had been perfect. It was Hermione's first Christmas spent among wizards, since she didn't really count her and Harry's lonely Christmas from last year. George and Angelina showed off a new invention they'd created that mimicked muggle Christmas lights.

Once they set them off the Burrow was covered in thousands of twinkling lights of all shapes, sizes, and colors that performed routines to any music that was played.

Molly had outdone herself again and cooked a delicious meal rivaling some of the best feats Hermione had enjoyed at Hogwarts. And everyone seemed determined to put the events from earlier in the day behind them, Harry more than anyone.

He seemed happier than normal and spent most of the evening with Teddy. It wasn't until the end of the night that the tumultuous thoughts running around in the back of Hermione's mind finally took over and she'd needed to excuse herself.

And now, alone in Ginny's room where she'd be staying for the rest of the break, Hermione let her thoughts drift back to Malfoy.

Seeing him today had cemented one disturbing point, she liked him. It really was the only logical explanation for her series of illogical actions. Trusting Malfoy back at school, agreeing to Occlumency lessons, trying to convince herself he was good even after seeing him in possession of the Elder Wand, not confiding in Harry.

People did stupid things when they were infatuated with someone, and that's exactly what had happened to her.

 _You don't like_ him _, she reminded herself, you like the fantasy version of him you created in your mind._

This is why she'd decided to go back to calling him Malfoy in her mind. Draco, the person she'd thought had overcome his muggle-born beliefs, apologized to her, and wanted to be her friend was not real.

 _Draco's not real._ Tears came to her eyes. He'd always just been Malfoy doing a really good job of acting.

But in reality, Hermione considered, the real Draco Malfoy was probably somewhere in between. Not the awful Malfoy from her past, but also not the Draco she'd seen at the end of term. She'd learned in the war that not everything was good and evil, Death Eaters and non-Death Eaters, black and white. Most people lived in between in varying shades of grey. Like his eyes.

_Óh my God Hermione, cut it out!_

The door to Ginny's room opened then and Hermione quickly dried her eyes.

"Hey."

It was Harry. Of course it was Harry, it's always Harry, isn't it? He is real. His loyalty, kindness, knack for knowing when Hermione needed a shoulder to cry on. She may not be able to rely on Draco Malfoy, but Harry Potter would always be there for her, and that was better anyway.

Harry sat on the window seat next to her and pulled his knees up to his chest to mimic her position, then stared out the window.

"It's a lot different from last year, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah," Hermione responded, then looked back at Harry.

_Tell him! Now is the time, tell him!_

But no, she couldn't do this to him on Christmas, he looked so happy.

_It will give him peace of mind about the attack, tell him!_

That was right, she wasn't telling him because she didn't want to trouble him. She was too embarrassed. And was it really necessary? The Elder Wand would be returned tonight and she was sure Kingsley would put every ward he knew on the tomb to ensure it was never taken again.

Harry's wand was back, and Harry was safe. Malfoy would go on being stupid Malfoy but he was no longer a danger. The image of Malfoy crying on the floor floated into her mind and she pushed it away.

Then instead of confessing everything, Hermione asked, "How are you really, Harry?"

He moved his eyes to hers and released his knees, turning to face her cross-legged on the seat. "I was scared," he admitted in a small voice and Hermione almost changed her mind then.

"It wasn't the actual attack that scared me, that was so minor, I just- I don't know, it reminded me that this isn't really over, and probably never will be. There will always be evil out there and we just need to keep fighting."

He sighed then and Hermione moved so she was facing him and put her hands on his knees to comfort him. He continued, "Dumbledore told me once that we have to fight, then fight again, and keep fighting just to keep evil at bay, since it will never be completely eradicated." He placed his hands on top of Hermione's. "I let myself forget that."

"Oh Harry-"

"I'm fine Hermione, I really mean it. I have so much to be grateful for, I think this whole mess was just a good reminder."

He squeezed her hands then, and asked, "How are _you_ Hermione? Separate from everything that happened today I mean. When I last saw you at school you seemed distant. Are you okay?"

The last time he'd been at school she was getting deep into her Occlumency lessons with Draco and was feeling too guilty about opening her mind to the ex-Death Eater to talk to Harry.

"I'm fine," she said gently, "I've just been so busy with school. Taking so many N.E.W.T.s on top of Head Girl duties was a little crazy, especially near the end of term."

He nodded, then asked, "And you're still close with Malfoy? Ginny said you spent all your free time with him."

Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes. "I spent a few hours a week with him, mainly on our Arithmancy project, which is over. So I won't have to see him next term. Ginny exaggerates."

"She's just worried about you," he defended.

"I know. But she can be a real nag when she wants to be."

He smiled back at her, then said in a low voice, "No comment."

"Smart," she smiled back. After a few minutes in silence she added, "I miss you. Both of you guys."

"You need to come over more this term."

"I know, it's still weird with Ron though."

"I get it, but it's not going to get better if you completely disappear. We miss you too, so please try to make time for us in that busy schedule of yours."

"I promise," she agreed. She'd wasted too much time last term with Malfoy and wouldn't make that mistake again.

Harry popped up out of the seat then and offered her his hand. "Come on, I was supposed to come collect you for more Christmas festivities."

"More?" Hermione rubbed her eyes, she'd need another energy potion if this went on for too long.

"I have no idea what it is, but George insists and everyone is feeling too sorry for him this year to say no. Part of me suspects he senses that and is doing this all just for his own amusement now." Hermione placed her hand in Harry's and let him pull her off of the window seat.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for always being there for me."

He pulled her into a half hug, then released her before saying, "Yeah, right back at you Hermione."

* * *

It was the Monday after Christmas and Harry and Ron had to return to work so Ginny and Hermione took the opportunity to visit Luna.

A few days ago Kingsley had reported that the Elder Wand was in place and the tomb had not appeared to be tampered with. He added a few wards of his own around the grave, then let the matter rest.

Harry's wand had also been returned with assurances that it had not been tampered with, or even used. Harry had even tried a few of the more complicated spells he knew and the wand worked for him perfectly.

Hermione was relieved, since this was the only point she was unsure about, but she knew Harry and that wand had a deep connection and Draco's small attack didn't seem to be enough to break it. With no more leads the whole case would likely be dropped.

Currently the girls were in Luna's garden making a snowman. Hermione insisted they do it the muggle way and her two friends were being good sports about it, though she caught Ginny using her wand to get the balls perfectly circular a few times.

"So now we need a corncob pipe, a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal. And a top hat, of course." Hermione looked to Luna, do you have anything like that in your house?

"So we're allowed to use magic now?" Luna asked seriously.

Hermione nodded and the blonde witch summoned the items from her home. Hermione attached the red button to the snowman's nose, a black pipe – not corncob, but close enough she reasoned, to where his mouth would be, and added the two coal pieces for eyes, wondering briefly why Luna and her father would keep coal in their house.

Then she added a wizard's hat on top. She guessed this was the magical version of a top hat.

"There, just like Frosty," she stepped back and smiled brightly.

"Uhh, who's Frosty?" asked Ginny.

"Frosty the Snowman! He's a magical snowman that comes to life and plays all day. Then eventually he melts."

"Oh, is this like that Santus guy you told us about?"

"Santa," Hermione corrected, straightening Frosty's hat, "And yes. Do you not have tales like that surrounding Christmas in the wizarding world? Something unbelievable and magical?"

"We have actual magic Hermione," Ginny said with her arms crossed.

"Yeah, I guess that's a good point. Well for muggles, who don't get to see magic all day, these tales: Santa who goes to every house and leaves presents for the children and a snowman who comes to life. It gives them something fantastic to believe in. It adds mystery and magic and hope to the holiday. It's lovely really."

Hermione cast another warming charm on herself and thought how much more fun playing in the snow would have been as a child had she had access to unlimited warming charms.

"I believe in Santa," Luna said and the statement was incredibly odd, even for her.

Hermione looked over at Ginny and saw that her mouth was opened, and she almost laughed. "What do you mean, Luna?" Ginny asked. "You think some old guy really goes around the entire world and delivers presents to children? I suppose it's possible. He'd need a time-turner to make it to every house in one night.

"And he could make it down the hot chimney by using shrinking and cooling charms. And the cookies, he must just vanish those, there's no magic that would keep him from getting sick if he ate them all. But the whole idea is so strange. And that really is one of the most inefficient ways to go about delivering presents to everyone, if it really were a wizard."

"That's not what I meant," Luna responded in an amused tone while Hermione laughed. Hearing Ginny describe the practicalities behind Santa Clause was highly amusing.

When she finally got control of her laughter she motioned for Luna to continue, "Sorry Luna, go on."

"I don't believe in the muggle Santa, but I do believe in the same type of thing. The crumple-horned snorkack, wractspurts, wumblewigs, and nargles. Everyone says they aren't real. But I believe. It gives me purpose. It answers the questions I can't answer. And maybe it's wrong and I'll never find proof, but that's okay, right?"

Ginny and Hermione looked at each other uncomfortably, not expecting Luna to take the conversation about Santa somewhere semi-serious. "Yeah Luna, I think it is," Ginny patted her on the shoulder.

"My father has always said that everyone gets to pick their own reality," Luna said dreamily. And the three girls were quiet as they considered these words.

This was the type of thing Hermione would usually scoff at. There is only _one_ reality. But hadn't she done the same thing as Luna when it came to Malfoy? Chosen to believe something insane even when all of the facts didn't support it, because it made her feel better? But she knew better now. Malfoy wasn't kind or caring behind the sarcasm and smirks and insecurities. Or was he?

Hermione remembered the passages from his notebook, and what he'd looked like crying on the floor in front of her. He wasn't completely heartless. But he'd still used her and that meant he couldn't be trusted.

She sighed, then leaned back into the snow and started to make a snow angel. Hermione had no idea what to think anymore.

* * *

Draco was sitting at his father's desk, putting the finishing touches on his Transfiguration essay when a high voice squeaked behind him, "Nessie has your order from France, Master Draco, they finished it today."

Draco turned from the desk and reached for the long, thin box Nessie was holding out to him, "Thanks Nessie, just in time." The house elf bowed and left the room with a crack. He looked in the box, inspected the contents, then closed it, pleased with the end result.

 _Too bad it won't work_ , he thought to himself, then sighed deeply.

His mother had recovered almost instantly. After sleeping for almost a solid day, she'd awoken energized and had spent all of Boxing Day taking stock of the house and planning out a massive renovation to rid the Manor of all the things that reminded her of the Dark Lord's time there.

She was hiring more house-elves and boring Draco to no end with talk of marble types, chandeliers, and window treatments. But he loved seeing her back to normal and especially loved the feeling that he had been the one to save her. He'd finally done something right. He'd expected to feel a lot happier at this thought, but all he could think about was Hermione Granger.

She hadn't turned him in. Instead she'd actually helped him, encouraged him to try the counter-curse again and found the problem with the doll. He wouldn't have been able to do it without her help.

And she'd seemed mysteriously informed about his mother's situation when she'd arrived that afternoon and Draco wondered how long she'd been snooping through the contents of the invisible box before he found her.

He should let her go, drop the witch from his mind. But he was holding out hope that his relationship with Granger was not completely destroyed. Maybe her not telling on Draco meant she was holding out hope for him too.

Time away from Granger had just confirmed for Draco that he liked spending time with her. She was annoying, and a Gryffindor, and insufferable but she was also kind and caring and had helped him on numerous occasions the previous year. And he had paid her back by invading her mind, stealing her memories, and attacking her best friend.

He sighed and started walking around the office, scowling occasionally at the thin box on the desk. She'd hate it, he knew, he actually knew her very well. It would probably make things worse, but he had to try something. He owed her that at least.

"Draco," he was startled by his mother's voice in the doorway. It would take him a little time to get used to her walking around, he'd been used to being alone in the Manor for so long.

"Mother," he walked over to her and scanned his eyes over her face, checking for any signs of illness, but she looked well. He could tell his mother was annoyed by the attention, but she humored him.

"Do I pass the test?" she asked eventually.

"Just habit mother," he took a few steps back and waited for her to speak.

"So you still insist on returning to Hogwarts?" she crossed her arms and stared him down like she'd done countless times when he was younger.

Draco straightened his spine, preparing for another argument, then responded, "Yes mother, I haven't changed my mind."

He had not originally planned to return to Hogwarts, when he'd enrolled last summer his aim had been to go and find a cure for his mother, then leave immediately. But now, after working so hard last term in lessons he'd ended up second overall (Granger obviously beat him, though he blamed the distraction of acquiring the wand in the last two weeks for this).

He could go back and actually pursue curse-breaking. And the other students had finally stopped tormenting him, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to finish out the year.

His mother's jaw tightened, then she pushed on another sore subject between them, "And your father? You won't visit him with me this afternoon?"

Draco had suspected this was her actual aim in coming to find him. "No mother, I'm still not ready."

She didn't push him on it again this time, thank Salazar. His mother put her hand on Draco's shoulder, then leaned in and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "When do you leave then?" she asked, resigned.

"Tonight, after dinner." Draco sighed in relief, glad to have avoided an argument with her.

She pulled him into a hug and he relished in the strength he could feel in her arms, thankful for the millionth time to have her back to her old self. "Well if you must go back, I insist that you write home once a week. And you may as well get top marks and win at Quidditch too, your father wouldn't have it any other way." Draco frowned at the comment, glad she couldn't see.

She released him then and fixed him with a penetrating stare, then eventually left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

Draco sighed heavily, then returned to the desk and pulled out a blank sheet of parchment. Nothing seemed adequate to explain the combination of feelings he had toward Granger, but if he was going back to Hogwarts he knew he'd have a better time if he could get her back on his side. He worked on the letter for an hour, re-writing numerous times, then eventually dropped it into a large envelope along with the gift Nessie had delivered earlier.

He whistled for his owl and Altair appeared after a few seconds, his leg outstretched. "I have no idea where she is, but the contents of this envelope are very valuable, so please take care." Altair ruffled his feathers and Draco stroked his neck, confident he'd manage the task fine.

"After this delivery go back to Hogwarts," Draco said, pulling a treat from the desk drawer and placing it in the owl's beak, "I'm headed there now." Altair nodded his head, then Draco aimed his wand at the window, eased it open, and watched the large owl fly out into the snow.

Maybe this would work, probably not, but he'd find out in two days when he saw Granger again in lessons. Draco left the office to pack his trunk, wondering what awaited him back at Hogwarts.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note on wand ownership: So in my mind, the Elder Wand is a pretty finicky thing and allows its ownership to be changed freely. So I think at the end of this chapter Draco is its true master. Harry's wand however is loyal to Harry still. I think it's just a more loyal wand, and I didn't want this whole Draco thing to get in the way of Harry being able to use his own wand properly. I think the whole wandlore topic in the real books is muddy so I'm letting it be muddy in this story too.
> 
> And a bit of background on the plot here: I originally had Draco doing this whole thing successfully by himself. But I struggled with the fact that Hermione still kept all of this from Harry, that just seemed too out of character for her. So I switched it up so Hermione actually went to the Manor and helped him. I thought her seeing Draco in person was the only way she'd be able to empathize with him enough to hold back her confession. I'm trying to keep these two as close to the characters JK created as possible. But I kind of think Hermione not telling Harry this whole time is a little crazy. Oh well, I hope you liked the chapter anyway!


	15. The Necklace

**Chapter 15 – The Necklace**

The rest of the Christmas break was uneventful for Hermione. Harry and Ron went back to work and she spent the days with Ginny at the Burrow. They helped Mrs. Weasley around the house and Hermione was glad for the practice with household magic, since next year she'd be living away from school and would have to clean and cook for herself.

Hogwarts really should teach a class on it, she considered as she practiced folding her laundry with her wand. Maybe just a few sessions for the graduating students. She resolved to bring it up with Anthony when the term started back.

Hermione and Ginny spent most evenings at Grimmauld Place after the boys were off work before returning to the Burrow to sleep. Over the weekend Hermione had taken Ginny and the boys into various muggle restaurants around their building and introduced them to the joys of take-out food.

Hermione had managed to keep thoughts of Malfoy out of her mind and focused instead on reconnecting with her friends. SHe was packing her trunk in Ginny's room when Mrs. Weasley entered and handed her a thick envelope. "An owl just arrived for you dear," Mrs. Weasley explained.

"Oh, thanks," Hermione responded, wondering who could have sent it. She had just said bye to Harry and Ron earlier that day and Ginny was here.

"Who is it from?" Ginny asked, looking over the magazine she was reading in bed.

Hermione recognized the handwriting on the outside of the envelope and her stomach dropped. "Oh, it's nothing," Hermione answered, shoving the envelope in her trunk.

Ginny dropped her magazine, then studied Hermione, "Do you still exchange mail with Krum?"

Hermione gave a forced laugh, "You're impossible to lie to," she tried to keep her voice as light as possible, "Don't tell Ron though, he'd flip out and it's nothing."

"No worries Hermione, my lips are sealed. You know my opinions on you dating during this, break. But I kind of wished you'd chosen someone closer to home. When's the last time you've even seen Krum?"

"Uh, Bill and Fleur's wedding. We shared one dance before Ron cut in. I keep in touch occasionally, but we're not dating." That was all true, just not in regards to this particular letter.

She and Ginny talked a little more about boys and Krum, and how Ron seemed a lot more affectionate toward Hermione this past week. Then after both of them were completely packed and ready to return to Hogwarts the next day, they climbed into bed.

Laying alone in her cot, Hermione finally let her mind wander to Draco Malfoy. She was still committed to avoiding him this next term, but she wondered now if that would be something she could stick to if he reached out to her. He had just sent her a letter, what if he insisted on seeing her?

She still liked him, for who knew what reasons, and she knew those feelings wouldn't just magically disappear. Maybe there was an anti-love potion she could take. She needed this stupid attraction to go away because the more she considered him the more she realized he'd been pretending the whole time.

Malfoy had faked it all and probably had a huge laugh each night at her expense. He'd known just how to act, hurt and confused, to draw her in. And he'd been clever enough to keep up his annoying and sarcastic attitude to prevent her from getting too suspicious.

The one time she'd seen him drunk, and she assumed it was just a fluke, that was the real Malfoy, unable to keep up the façade with all of that alcohol flowing through his veins.

Tears were streaming down Hermione's face but she tried to keep from sobbing, so as not to alert Ginny.

 _What is in the letter?_ She wondered. It was thick, so probably a lot. What did she want to be in the letter?

Hermione considered this. An apology. She wanted Malfoy to acknowledge that he'd treated her terribly and feel remorse for it. She wanted confirmation that he had changed and was worth caring for. She felt so dumb, even after everything, she was behaving like a lovesick third-year.

_He never cared! He never needed your help! He was using you!_

But she still had doubts. It's why she'd kept his secret. Well half that and half to keep her friends from finding out how stupid she'd been.

Hermione listened to Ginny's even breathing for a few moments before deciding she was asleep. She crept from her cot to her trunk and dug out the letter. She looked back to make sure Ginny was still asleep, then lit her wand and inspected the contents.

The outside of the envelope in Malfoy's neat script read, "Hermione Granger." She ran her fingers over her name, then carefully opened the letter. She'd been wrong about the contents of the envelope, the note was short, but seemed thicker because there was a necklace in between the folded pages.

Hermione wrapped her hand in a sock from her trunk first, then picked up the necklace (in case it was cursed) to examine it. But as soon as she saw it she knew in her heart it wasn't cursed. There were four stones hanging from a dainty gold chain.

There was an emerald encased by a snake, a diamond with a badger, a ruby with a tiny lion, and a sapphire with an eagle. The animals moved slightly, the snake slithering and the eagle preening its wings. She recognized the stones from the old house hourglasses.

At the back of the necklace near the clasp was a small, gold rectangle pendant that read, "It's not forgetting that heals," on one side, then on the other side "but remembering." This was without a doubt the finest piece of jewelry Hermione had ever seen. She picked up the note and read the short message.

_Granger-_

_I know at first glance you're going to hate this gesture. You're going to think I'm a spoiled, despicable, sorry excuse for a wizard who thinks he can just buy his way out of all his mistakes. But please hear (or rather, read) me out._

_You were unbelievably kind to me last year and I'll never be able to repay you for what you did for me and my mother. But the necklace isn't meant to be a recompense of any kind, just consider it a generous Christmas gift from a friend._

_I hope you can find it in your oversized heart to forgive me one day, I truly am sorry and never meant to hurt you._

_Your friend,_

_DM_

She stared at the note for a long time, unsure how to feel. Was he trying to buy her off? He said he wasn't, but he also couldn't be trusted. Was he really sorry? What motivation would he have to lie?

Hermione crumpled the note in her hand, then lit a small fire with her wand and burned it. The necklace she put back into the envelope which she hid in the bottom of her trunk. Then she looked at Ginny, relieved she was still asleep, and carefully climbed into bed.

She had never felt no confused and hurt. The only thing she knew with certainty was that Harry was safe, the wand was safe, and the safest thing she could for herself was to stay as far away from Malfoy and his games as possible.

* * *

The last thought Hermione remembered before she fell asleep the night before was that she never wanted to see that beautiful necklace Malfoy had sent her again. That's why she was extremely alarmed when she opened her eyes the next morning and saw the necklace floating in midair.

She jumped up in bed, then saw that the necklace hadn't been floating, Ginny was holding it in front of her face with a stern expression.

"Nice of Krum to send you such a lovely gift, wouldn't you say?"

Hermione didn't respond, there really were no words for this situation.

"But then again, how would Krum be able to come up with such a Hogwarts-specific gift? I mean, he definitely has enough gold for this, which is no doubt worth more than this house, but this isn't something he'd send."

Hermione crossed her arms, hoping Ginny would just get to her point.

"So I thought, who else do we know with enough gold to spend on something like this? And there really is only one logical conclusion."

"Spit it out Ginny," Hermione said, reminded of all the times Malfoy had used the same phrase with her.

"You are in a secret relationship with Draco Malfoy!"

They stared each other down, Ginny's brown eyes were angry and Hermione was tired, and completely unprepared for the confrontation. She looked back at the necklace that Ginny was still dangling in front of them, then she burst into tears, burying her face in her hands.

Ginny was still for a moment, probably recovering from a bit of shock. Then Ginny pulled Hermione into a hug and let her cry into her shoulder. "I'm not dating Malfoy," Hermione said eventually, and Ginny pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"Can you tell me what _is_ going on then?" She looked extremely worried and confused.

Hermione considered lying and a few different excuses for why Malfoy would send her such an expensive gift floated through her mind, but none of them seemed very plausible. She was tired of the deceit anyway and it would be good to finally get it out in the open.

"It's really bad," Hermione warned her friend, combing her fingers nervously through her hair.

Ginny responded flippantly, "Worse than being possessed by the memory of an evil dark wizard and setting a monster on you?"

Hermione winced. She always seemed to forget about that part of Ginny's past. "Not quite that bad, but close."

Ginny sighed deeply and started rubbing Hermione's back comfortingly, then said "It's obvious something's been bothering you. You can tell me, really. I promise I won't be difficult."

Ginny could be demanding and snarky and nagging. But she was also intuitive, and loyal and able to pick up on exactly what her friends needed. This was why Hermione loved her, and probably why Harry did too, and Hermione thought to herself that Ginny would be a great mother one day.

"No judgment?" Hermione asked.

"Not out loud," Ginny smirked.

"And-," Hermione hesitated, not believing she was finally going to admit her big secret, "just wait until I'm done before you talk, please."

"Oh come on, Hermione, just tell me!"

Hermione started in on the story and only left out two details: her near-kiss with Malfoy at the end of term and how he had fallen apart crying at the Manor.

When she'd reached the part about accepting Malfoy's offer for Occlumency lessons Ginny gasped, but stayed quiet.

Then when she explained about finding the Elder Wand Ginny couldn't hold in her outburst of "Merlin!" but she quickly clapped her hands over her mouth and motioned for Hermione to continue.

When Hermione was finished explaining the contents of the letter she'd burned the night before, she leaned back against the pillow and looked down in her lap, nervously awaiting Ginny's response.

But surprisingly, Ginny was quiet, maybe she needed time to absorb all that she'd learned. Hermione grabbed the necklace from the bed and began studying the animals. They were still moving slightly, which was fascinating. She wondered what magic was behind this and if it would wear off with time.

"You weren't kidding when you said it was bad," Ginny said eventually.

Hermione just kept her gaze on the necklace, waiting for Ginny to continue.

"You like him," Ginny said next, and true to her word, there wasn't any judgment behind her statement.

Hermione wondered how she'd realized so quickly what had taken Hermione weeks to figure out, but reasoned sometimes these things were much clearer from an outsider's perspective. "I think that's the only explanation for how stupid I've been," she admitted.

"What?" Ginny jumped up from the cot and the sudden movement almost knocked the small bed over. Hermione braced herself against the wall to keep from falling, "You actually like Draco Malfoy? Why?"

Hermione stayed silent, since she didn't really have a great answer to this question. Ginny no longer seemed to need her in this conversation anyway. She'd started pacing the room and kept ranting, "I mean he is good-looking and rich, but you don't care about that stuff, obviously, look at Ron…" she'd stopped at that thought, then continued walking.

"But what else could you possibly see in that git? It can't be his sunny disposition or good personality. And obviously not his Quidditch skills, he couldn't even stay on his broom in the last match."

"Ginny!" Ginny gave her a smirk, then turned to face Hermione with her hands on her hips.

"What happened to no judgement?" Hermione asked bitterly.

Ginny opened her mouth, then closed it again quickly, looking a little like a fish. Hermione smiled but it faded quickly, since this whole situation really wasn't funny.

"Well what is it about him then?" Ginny asked in an even tone.

"I don't know! He's smart and he was nice to me, at least in his weird Malfoy way. And he apologized, I-" Hermione paused, "it doesn't matter anyway, it was all just a lie, I know that now."

Ginny looked like she'd just remembered something, then asked, "What about Ron then? Do you not like him anymore?"

Hermione stood up from the cot then and went to stand next to Ginny. "I do! If Ron asked me out right now I'd say yes in a second. But he doesn't want me, Ginny, and-" she stopped then, leaving her last thought, " _and neither does Malfoy"_ unspoken. But it hung in the air heavily while Ginny gave her a pitying look.

Ginny grabbed Hermione's arms tightly, "Ron does love you, he just needs more time."

Hermione pulled her arms out of Ginny's grasp and buried her head in her hands, suddenly feeling very foolish. "I'm so embarrassed, I have no idea what I was thinking."

"I do," Ginny said simply.

Hermione lowered her hands, "What?"

She continued, "I think what drew you to him was how broken and in need he was. You kind of have a thing for helpless creatures. Just keep that in mind when considering him. Is it really about Malfoy? Or is it about what he represents?

The concept of a tortured ex-Death Eater reformed to be friends with a muggle-born is awfully romantic Hermione, but this is real life." Hermione felt tears forming behind her eyes. She knew all of this, it just hurt to hear it put so bluntly in someone else's words.

"Can we just—leave this part out when we tell Harry?" Hermione asked in a soft voice.

"Tell Harry?" Ginny looked back at her confused.

"Yeah, I assumed once you knew-"

"I don't think we should tell Harry," Ginny cut her off.

"Why not?"

Ginny started pacing the room again and Hermione watched her confused, "He, well he's finally being careful and taking the threat of the missing Death Eaters seriously. He wards his house diligently each night, sleeps with his wand on the nightstand, and has even allowed Kingsley to have Aurors follow him around."

Ginny continued, fired up now, "You know how Malfoy overpowered him so easily? Harry's wand was in his pocket! He should have been walking with it out. He needed this wake-up call."

"But it was just Malfoy, Harry doesn't have to be worried," Hermione pointed out.

"I know that, but if he just goes back to normal, he's not safe. I know there are no more threats from Malfoy, but at least this got Harry to be more cautious. We'll tell him soon, just not yet. Not until the rest of the Death Eaters are caught at least."

Hermione was speechless, this was definitely not the response she'd been expecting. "Are you sure Ginny?"

"Yes." Ginny stopped in front of Hermione and took the necklace from her hands. Examining it closely.

"Harry will be so mad when he finds out," Hermione muttered while they both watched the tiny lion on the necklace roar.

"Leave that to me," Ginny gave her a suggestive grin then winked and Hermione pushed her away.

"Gross Ginny, I do not need to know that kind of stuff about my two best friends."

Ginny laughed out loud, but luckily didn't elaborate any further. She held up the necklace in her hands, then asked, "Are you going to see him again, when we go back? Judging by this necklace he wants to see you."

Hermione took a deep breath, then responded honestly, "I don't know."

"Do you want my advice?"

"I already know it. Stay far, far away."

"Well yes. Malfoy is trouble, no doubt about that. Even if he's reformed in his beliefs and has no contact with any dangerous Death Eaters, he is self-destructive, rude, and clearly messed up, probably due to his evil father. If you get involved with him you're bound to get hurt again." Ginny stopped and studied Hermione, who was nodding along absently.

Then Ginny handed the necklace back to Hermione, "And what are you going to do with this?"

Hermione shrugged, "I don't know. Return it?"

"Why?" Ginny asked, surprised.

"I can't keep it," Hermione argued.

"Why not? I'd say you deserve it, after all he put you through. And it really is perfect for you. You loved those hourglasses, you talk about it constantly."

"Wouldn't keeping it mean I was agreeing to forgive him?"

"No."

Hermione watched the badger claw at the imaginary ground then raised the necklace and clasped it around her neck. It was lovely, really. But she'd keep it hidden under her shirt back at school, she didn't want Malfoy to know how much she liked his gift.

* * *

Draco wasn't surprised to find Granger completely ignoring him, but he was surprised by how much he cared. He'd suspected she would react like this and had been prepared to move on in that scenario. She was still Granger after all, still annoying and bossy.

But the way she was behaving infuriated him. He wasn't a house elf, he was Draco fucking Malfoy, but she was treating him worse than dirt.

They still sat next to each other in Arithmancy, but he could have been a ghost for all of the notice she paid him.

They'd been partnered up in double Transfiguration on Tuesday and each assigned the task of changing the other's arms into bird wings. Granger had set straight to turning both of Draco's arms into large hawk-like wings, then quietly turned them back.

Next she'd remained still the rest of the class while Draco attempted the same on her. When he tried to talk to her she looked stoically at the wall in front of her and acted like she didn't hear him. She didn't even flinch when he finally managed to turn her arms into white peacock wings and didn't comment on the fact that one wing was considerably longer than the other.

Draco had tried to get Granger's attention again in Charms while the class was practicing lighting candles using wandless magic, but she wouldn't even look him in the eye and she-Weasley was giving him nasty looks so he gave up.

By Potions lesson on Friday he was fed up and determined to get her to acknowledge him. The class had been working on brewing invisibility potions all week. The last step on Friday was to carefully stir the potion over low heat while adding precisely three fairy wings. Then the potion would turn from dark blue to clear, indicating the week of brewing was successful.

When Granger was adding the fairy wings to her cauldron Draco purposely ran into her and she knocked the cauldron off the fire, ruining the potion. Even then she'd barely reacted. She glared into his eyes with such a strong feeling of hatred that he thought she'd surely curse him, then her expression turned blank and she vanished the remains of her potion and left the class.

Draco was staring at the back of her head in Runes now, plotting a way to get her to acknowledge him. He still wasn't quite sure why he cared so much, but he needed this for some unknown reason.

Maybe he could get Granger to forgive him and they could go back to bickering and taunting each other. He'd give anything to see her roll or eyes at him, or scoff, or blush; the dull looks she gave him were killing him.

After class Draco got lucky when Granger stayed to talk to Professor Babbling about something. He slunk into the hallway and ducked into an empty classroom on the way to the Great Hall, waiting for her to walk by. When he heard her footsteps, he grabbed her arm and dragged her into the classroom, closing the door behind him.

In seconds she'd blasted him to the ground and raised a shield charm between them. Draco rushed to his feet and grabbed his own wand, ready to defend against an attack.

"Touch me again Malfoy and I'll put you in another body-bind curse," Granger's eyes were alight with anger and Draco was glad to finally see some emotion on her face again, even though it was pure hatred.

"Why did you help me?" Draco asked her through the shield charm still between them.

At the question Granger faltered, and the shield charm disappeared. "That's none of your business."

She pulled her bag onto her shoulder and made for the door, but Draco grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving, "Let me explain," he said.

He was thrown to the ground again and he could almost hear her magic crackling, she was so angry, "Why should I listen to you? Because you gave me a nice gift?" she grabbed the necklace that was hiding under her sweater.

Draco rose to standing while she continued to yell, "You defiled Dumbledore's grave, you attacked Harry, you used me." Her voice broke at the end and she looked away from him. Draco took the opportunity to step closer to her.

Granger glared back at him when she saw him approach, but luckily didn't blast him away again. He continued to approach carefully, then when he was just two feet away he reached out to the necklace and held it in his hand. It suited her perfectly.

He'd been unsure when choosing the darker gold hue, fearing it would look too much like bronze, but it matched the light brown flecks in her eyes and complimented the tone of her skin.

Granger looked up at him surprised, then Draco considered the intimacy of the gesture and was surprised too, but determined to power on, since she wasn't throwing curses at him anymore. "You're wearing it," he muttered, almost like a question.

Granger turned her head away to look at the other wall, then the necklace started to burn in Draco's hands and he dropped it and stepped back. She glared back at him and he could see tears forming in her eyes and his stomach contracted at the sight.

"I'm not wearing it for the reason you think. I don't accept your…payment for keeping your secret. I'm wearing it so I never forget how you _used_ me, how stupid I was to trust you, and how you hurt my best friend. I will not let that happen again."

The point of her wand was a few feet from his chest, and he reached out and grabbed the tip with his fingers. She looked back at him shocked, and he didn't blame her, grabbing the firing end of an angry witch's weapon was a very stupid move, but luckily she didn't blast off any spells. He moved closer and pointed the wand at his head, then said in a low voice, "Go ahead, look."

Granger was silent for a second, then what Draco was suggesting registered and her eyes widened. She stepped back and lowered her wand, "I already know why you did it," she muttered.

"But you don't know how much I hated it. How bad I felt. And how now I just want you to forgive me so we can move past this."

She glared back at him but didn't respond.

"I'm sorry," Draco said finally, keeping his eyes trained on her.

Her expression softened slightly, but she kept her wand raised, "You should have told me in the beginning. I would have helped you. As soon as you knew you needed the Elder Wand. Harry would have done the spell himself," she said.

"No!" Draco cut in, "Not another Potter saves the day story. I had to do this, for my family. Of course, if my mother had gotten any worse, I always planned to go to Potter, but I had to try." Granger shook her head.

"You said it yourself," he continued, "On the train. You'd said I'd never done anything of note. Well now I have."

She furrowed her brow, "But you still used me. All of it, being decent, opening up, apologizing to me. All of that was to get the wand," she was yelling again and pointing her wand at him causing Draco to step back.

"It started like that but it wasn't all a lie," he saw her falter and lower her wand slightly.

So this was what she wanted, assurances that their interactions had been real. He'd thought he was doing it all for the wand at the time. But Draco had enough time to consider everything over the break, and he knew he wasn't that duplicitous. Every apology, being decent to her, the times they'd joked around, they'd all been real.

He'd made excuses for himself at the time, worried by their closeness, but they could be friends. Where was the harm in that?

He continued tentatively, choosing each word carefully, "Even though my motivations to start were, well, dishonest, I did mean everything I said to you. I don't need you now, but I still want to – uh – study together. Can we just go back to being friends?"

Granger considered him for a moment, and Draco thought he had her then. But he'd celebrated too soon, maybe she sensed a flash of triumph in his face, or maybe she was just remembering the whole thing again, because the hint of compassion he'd sensed there disappeared from her expression and she was back to hating him again, "No."

Draco decided to give it one more try. "I said I was sorry, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you. Or even Potter. I just needed to protect my family."

Granger shook her head and his heart fell. This wasn't going to work. What the hell else did she need from him? He'd apologized countless times, bought her a very expensive gift. He was truly sorry, but now he was just annoyed. Draco was beginning to get angry, but was shocked out of those thoughts by her next question.

"What are your thoughts on Muggle-borns right now? Still inferior? Less than human? Worthy of being used and taken advantage of as long as it serves your purpose?" Draco backed away from her as she stepped closer to him, expecting her to cast a hex.

"I – I don't know," the question had caught him completely off-guard.

He hadn't used her because she was a muggle-born, she was just Potter's best friend. If she'd been pureblood he would have treated her the same, right? He wasn't so sure now that he was thinking about it. _I never believed their lie,_ he heard Snape's voice again.

"That's what I thought. I'm sorry about your situation, and I'm glad it's better now, but this…friendship... is over."

"Granger," but she turned away from him and he reached to grab her arm, but dropped his hand, unsure what he would say. He'd already said everything he'd meant too.

"You betrayed my trust Malfoy, and I'm not going to be able to forget that," Granger said as she left the room without looking back at him.

Draco sighed heavily once she'd left the room. She was so much angrier than she'd appeared at the Manor. Maybe the necklace _had_ made it worse. Or maybe she had a limited amount of kindness to dispense and he'd used it all up. He did deserve this, didn't he? And hadn't it been worth it? His mother was cured, and he'd done it, he just wished he didn't feel so hollow.

* * *

Draco was currently running through the corridors in the dungeon. He'd had this idea during breakfast one day while watching the snow fall violently from the ceiling in the Great Hall. Blizzards had been attacking the castle since the start of term and he'd been considering how this would impact their Quidditch practices. Then he'd decided the team could run around the dungeons and do push-ups and other exercises like that to keep their fitness up until they could fly outside again.

His team had not liked the plan, but he was the captain, so they'd eventually had to comply with his odd request. Draco was used to not caring what others thought by now and figured if it won them the cup, they'd get over it.

Currently Draco was a good bit ahead of the rest of the team and was thinking through the exercises he'd have everyone perform when they joined up at the empty classroom near the back entrance to the Slytherin common room. When he turned the next corner an invisible force pushed him into a nearby classroom.

He was hit with a bat bogey hex before he had a chance to react, then sighed inwardly, knowing exactly who his attacker was. This hex was a favorite of she-Weasley's, the whole school knew that, and he himself had had the joy of enduring it in his fifth year.

It really was a disgusting spell. Draco let it play out, since there was no way to stop it now, then cautiously moved his wand into his hand so he could defend himself properly once the bogies stopped flying from his nose and he could see again.

But as soon as his wand was in his hand it flew out of his grasp and he looked around frantically for a flash of red hair, but saw nothing. The bogies finally stopped and she-Weasley appeared on Draco's left, pulling off an invisibility cloak, probably belonging to her boyfriend. Draco sighed, he was completely at her mercy.

She-Weasley was glaring at him and he slowly turned his body to face her, preferring to take the next hex straight on. But she didn't speak.

Draco wondered if she was waiting for him to speak first. She-Weasley wasn't one of his five people, but maybe he could be done with that pact. Write it off as a successful experiment from last term.

He decided to start talking so he could get this over with and get back to his team, "I'm guessing Granger told you about the attack." She didn't respond but he knew this must be the case, there was no other explanation. She-Weasley wasn't the type of witch to attack him unprovoked, though he couldn't say the same for her Quidditch team mates.

"Shut up."

So she hadn't been waiting for him to talk. What did she want then? Draco did as instructed and waited for whatever speech she'd probably prepared, but after a few more seconds of silence while she considered him he came to the conclusion that there was none.

He cocked his head at her, waiting to see what she'd do next, but she was just studying him with a puzzled expression on her face, then she walked over to him and shoved his wand back in his hand and said sharply. "It will be a hundred times worse if you ever touch Harry again."

He took his wand back but stayed silent.

"Also," she continued, "Your Quidditch practices are stupid. The entire school is making fun of you behind your back."

"They're actually doing it in front of me," Draco pointed out.

She shrugged in response and walked to the door then and looked back at him before saying, "And leave Hermione alone. You've hurt her enough."

Draco shook his head as he watched her leave, then when he figured it was safe, he started running through the corridors again. He'd been on his final lap when he was abducted so he didn't have long to go. He thought back on Weasley's parting words, _"Leave Hermione alone."_

As if he had a choice in the matter, Granger was still avoiding him like bubotuber pus. And he hated to admit it but he missed Granger. They'd gotten through work so much quicker together. Without her help he barely had time to keep up with all of his classes, and that was without full-length Quidditch practices.

His mind shifted to She-Weasley then. So she knew. He wondered if she'd found out by accident or if Granger had confided in her. Did Potter know? It would be best to avoid his Defense lessons for awhile in case he did.

Draco wondered why Potter hadn't involved the Aurors, but then again, that had never really been Potter's style. He liked to deal with these types of things himself.

When Draco reached the classroom his entire team was waiting for him inside, most of them were still breathing heavily.

"Where'd you go?" Astoria asked him, walking around the room with her arms above her head, "You always finish ahead of us."

"It doesn't matter," Draco brushed her off, not wanting to explain his embarrassing attack. "We should do some body-weight exercises before calling it quits for today. How about five rounds of twenty reps each? Same five exercises as last time. Push-ups, squats, sit-ups-"

"Wait." Collins cut in, still out of breath from their run, "Can you give us a few minutes to recover first Malfoy? This is ridiculous."

Draco shrugged, he'd thought they'd been recovering for awhile, but maybe they'd just gotten here. He hadn't been with Weasley long. It was good they were doing these practices since the team was clearly out of shape after the holidays.

"These workouts are crazy Malfoy." Blaise added now, but Draco was pleased to see he wasn't out of breath, so not everyone on the team was worthless, "This is how muggles-"

"Yes, Yes, I've heard," Draco cut in, annoyed. "I know this is how muggles exercise. But Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are not practicing now and the stupid Gryffindors are trying to fly in that mess–" he pointed up in the direction of the Quidditch pitch.

"I know it's strange and I know you all hate it, but please just trust me. We need every advantage we can get after the Hufflepuff game." Everyone shifted then, remembering that awful match and Jones looked down at his shoes uncomfortably.

"Those 30 points McGonagall gave us isn't going to do much," Draco continued.

"You're forgetting Gryffindor is behind 50, so against them we're actually 80 ahead," Astoria added hopefully.

"Yeah Draco, just keep getting beat up during Quidditch matches and we may just end up winning the cup by default," Blaise joked.

"Shut up," Draco glared back, not amused. "Maybe one of you could try getting attacked next time, I've taken enough punches for the team."

Predictably, no one volunteered. Draco looked at Collins then, whose breathing had finally slowed. He conjured glasses of water for everyone and put them on a nearby table. "Everyone go ahead and get some water, then let's start in on those exercises."

Draco summoned a chalkboard from the other end of the room and created a column for each team member. "You can keep track of your progress here, then when you have your reps finished you're free to go."

There was a collective groan and no one moved, so he looked sternly at Astoria. She huffed in response to the attention, but dropped to the ground and started in on her push-ups. Then, not wanting to be shown up by the lone girl on the team, the rest of the guys followed her.

Draco sighed. He had no idea if this would work, but figured it couldn't hurt. He got into position and started in on his own set of push-ups, trying to ignore the glares being thrown his way from the rest of his teammates.

* * *

Hermione, Ginny, and Harry were fighting their way towards Hagrid's hut after Harry's first Defense Against the Dark Arts class of the year. It was taking all of their spells combined to clear a path through the mountain of snow that stood between the castle and Hagrid's hut and there was no room for conversation as they each concentrated on their spells. Hermione's mind drifted back to Harry's lesson.

Harry had covered disguising and Disillusionment charms. She wondered why this group of spells was categorized as charms, when they were most closely related to transfiguration. They were pretty difficult, so she wondered how Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy had learned them on their own, remembering that they'd use them to hide during the final battle.

She guessed Malfoy must have been the one to cast them on his friends. She sighed, vanishing a large pile of snow in front of her, here she was thinking about stupid Malfoy again.

Luckily he hadn't been in Harry's class. She guessed he was already proficient with these charms. He'd obviously disguised himself well enough when attacking Harry. Harry said he and every Auror had reviewed his memory in a Pensieve and no one recognized the attacker.

It had been two weeks since Malfoy had grabbed her after Ancient Runes and she'd successfully avoided talking to him since. Hermione thought it would be hard to maintain her resolve once she saw him in person but it turned out it was easier.

The pain and hurt she'd felt at his betrayal was magnified when he was standing in front of her and it fueled her determination to stay away from him.

Also knowing that Ginny was watching her interactions with Malfoy helped her stay away, it was good to have her friend there to keep her accountable. The only thing she missed about Malfoy now was his help with school-work, but she'd replaced some of that too.

Now Hermione worked through Charms, Herbology, Transfiguration, and Potions assignments with Ginny and Luna. And she'd started working through Runes and Arithmancy with Anthony and Terry. She didn't get through everything quite as fast as before, and there were no fun intellectual conversations, but she was also reasonably sure none of her study partners were using her friendship for nefarious means.

Unfortunately, she'd have to see Malfoy this weekend. Professor Vector had assigned a four-person project to the whole class, eager to see how they'd all work together. It wasn't something any of them were looking forward to.

At least she'd have Anthony and Terry there and wouldn't have to be alone with Malfoy. Hermione tripped over a hidden root then, but Harry caught her arm before she fell to the ground. She tried to thank him, but he probably couldn't hear her over the howling wind.

They only had about 20 feet to go. She focused back on her task. Before long they were entering Hagrid's hut, shaking off snow as soon as they were inside.

"'Arry! Yeh came!" Hagrid enveloped Harry in a giant hug that looked like it hurt, but he was a good sport about it. Hermione and Ginny were spared the back-breaking hug and received a couple of nods instead, probably because they saw Hagrid all of the time.

"Tell me everythin', it's bin too long. How's the job, the house, even the ruddy classes? Huh" Hagrid shook his head and patted Harry on the back, "You, a professor, with all of that trouble you got up to when you were in school, who woulda imagined it?"

"Well I'm not a real professor Hagrid," Harry remarked, "It's just temporary until McGonagall can find someone permanent. I think the classes are going well though," he motioned toward Hermione, "Hermione doesn't think I'm complete rubbish, and she'd tell me, especially with a N.E.W.T. on the line." Harry winked at her and she gave him one of her playful punches in return.

They spent a few hours catching up with Hagrid, then before long were back outside fighting their way back to Hogsmeade so they could Apparate to London.

Hermione was trying to keep her word to visit more often and agreed to spend the weekend with Harry and Ron before she had to be back Sunday night for what was certainly going to be a disastrous meeting working on Arithmancy with Malfoy, Anthony, and Terry. But she was determined to push that out of her mind and enjoy the weekend with her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize this until I was editing this chapter, but there is a major pride and prejudice parallel here. Draco started out being too prejudiced against Hermione to let her in on his plan. And Hermione is too hurt from the hit to her pride to forgive him now. He even wrote her a letter, though not nearly as long as Mr. Darcy's. Well I guess that story is a classic for a reason. Thanks for all of the feedback, I love reading your comments. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint.


	16. The Party

**Chapter 16 – The Party**

Draco was watching the giant squid eat a large fish through the window in his dormitory. He'd just finished a long Occlumency session and was exhausted. The memories from the war were closer to the surface than usual and it took him twice as long to clear his mind these days.

He checked his watch and sighed, it was time to head to Goldstein's room for what was bound to be a terrible night. It was just like that prat to set the meeting place at his Head Boy common room. The same room that had belonged to Draco just last year. He guessed Goldstein had done it on purpose to rub it in Draco's face.

When Draco turned down the hall to the Head Boy room he saw Granger approaching from the other side. She nodded at him and he ignored her. He blamed her for his struggles with homework the past few weeks. If she would just get over herself and forgive him, he'd be in a much better position to handle his N.E.W.T. classes and Quidditch, just as he'd done last term.

Granger knocked on the portrait of a battle scene and Goldstein appeared in the doorway. Boot was already sitting on one of the couches in the tiny common room.

The room was decorated differently than when Draco had lived there last year. The couch had bronze fabric instead of green and the snakes that had been carved into the stone fireplace were now eagles. Otherwise the room was the same.

Draco noticed that a dent in the stone he'd caused when he threw a curse at the wall in a fit of rage hadn't been fixed. He assumed the bedroom would be just as his had been, maybe with the green bedding replaced with blue.

Why people thought every student adored the colors of their house was beyond him. Did all Hufflepuffs really like canary yellow? And did Gryffindors love that awful red? He didn't mind green, but he did get sick of seeing it everywhere. If he could pick his own décor he'd go with grey and black. Maybe a dark blue if he absolutely had to choose a color.

"Welcome," Goldstein said, then muttered to Granger, "This should be fun." The Ravenclot smiled at her and motioned that she should take the seat on the couch next to him. Draco sat next to Boot who scowled at him. Draco scowled back.

Granger started reading the assignment out loud and Draco bent his head back on the couch and looked up at the stone ceiling, trying to keep his temper in check. He hated when Granger did this. Did she think she was the only one who had heard the assignment explained in class?

She'd start every session re-stating exactly what the teacher already said. He assumed it's because she was used to hand-holding Potter and Weasley through lessons. He knew how she felt, he'd had to get Crabbe and Goyle through years of classes.

At the thought of Crabbe and Goyle he winced internally as images of fiend fire flooding his brain. He closed his eyes to quickly clear his thoughts, annoyed that the stillness in his mind that he'd achieved during the Occlumency session earlier was already faltering.

"Malfoy's sleeping," he heard Boot say accusingly a few moments later.

Granger stopped talking, then said, "Oh, uh, no. He just does that, he's listening, it's fine."

Draco opened his eyes and glared at her. He didn't like her speaking for him, even if she was sticking up for him. "I can speak for myself Granger," he snapped.

"Uh, why don't we start computing numbers for these people?" Goldstein cut in, trying to get the group back on track. Draco noticed Goldstein was being much more civil toward Draco than he'd ever bothered to in the past, this must be for Granger's benefit.

Granger gave Draco a knowing look which he ignored, then she said, "Well I don't want to speak for Malfoy, but he should do the computations, it will just be faster for all of us."

"Alone?" Boot asked, "One of us should at least check his work, I mean, can we trust him?" He'd said the last part in a lower tone, as if Draco couldn't hear it or something.

"What is your problem with me?" Draco turned to him.

"Well I think that's obvious," Boot responded.

"Okay, Malfoy and I will do the computations, I'm already used to working with him, you two can do the analysis. Sound good?" Granger was exasperated and he could tell she just wanted to get through the assignment. Draco and Boot nodded and she got up to switch spots with Boot on the couch.

"Wanker," Draco whispered when Boot walked by him and Boot gave him the finger. Granger and Goldstein didn't cut in this time but exchanged knowing looks. _Gross._

After a few hours and a lot of snide comments, they'd done enough to where even Granger was satisfied with turning in the assignment.

"It's a wonder what four smart wizards can do when they put their minds together," Draco said sarcastically, mocking Professor Vector words when she'd given them the assignment.

"Let's just hope this is the last time she wants to see what we can do," Granger muttered.

Goldstein got up to open the portrait hole for them. "Any big plans for tonight?"

"Oh, uh, no. Luna is heading over to catch me up on a recent trip with her father." Granger responded, "So I'll be hearing a lot of exotic theories about crumple horned snorkack locations. You?"

"Nothing much, we're just going to hang out here, maybe play chess."

"No chess," Boot said grumpily.

Goldstein leaned closer to Granger and whispered, "He's awful at it, I've won so much gold off of him." In a louder voice he said, "But you won't get better without practice mate."

Draco was disgusted by this flirting. If Goldstein wasn't in the way of the portrait hole he'd have left already.

He chose not to respond to Goldstein's question with his plans of doing absolutely nothing alone in his room, he knew it wasn't directed toward him. Granger giggled at something Goldstein whispered and Draco sighed loudly so they'd remember he was there, waiting to leave.

"Right, do you want me to walk you to your room?" Goldstein asked Granger.

"She broke into Gringotts and escaped on a dragon, then survived an epic battle the next day. I think she can walk down two corridors without your help Goldstein." Draco said loudly.

Granger and Goldstein glared at him, but Goldstein finally moved out of the way and Draco was able to escape into the hall. Granger followed behind him, and he looked back and was glad that Goldstein hadn't followed. "That guy is a tool."

"And you are a prick."

They walked down the hall together since her room was on the way to his common room. "That was painful," Draco said.

"No thanks to you," Granger responded.

"That Boot bloke was awful."

"Anthony was trying," she defended.

"To get into your knickers," Draco added.

"You're a pervert."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, then stopped outside her portrait. "Well, bye Malfoy." She was waiting for him to leave so she could say her password without being overheard.

"We worked well together tonight," Draco admitted, "Even with those two idiots."

"Yeah, I guess so," Granger responded noncommittally.

"So when are you going to get over this thing and agree to study with me again?"

"We've already been through this." Draco could tell she was annoyed, but she was kind of trapped, unable to go into her room with him here, so he continued pushing.

"Come on Granger, it just makes sense. We'll both get through work faster together, then you can use your free time to go on dates with Goldstein," he cringed at the thought of that pairing, "and I can have time for Quidditch."

Granger didn't respond and Draco was annoyed that he couldn't read her expression.

"You have to be struggling, it's nearly impossible to get through it all alone, you must be seeing that," he urged, uncomfortable that his request was now bordering on begging, but desperate to get her to help him again.

"But I'm not alone, Malfoy," Granger said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms. "I have Ginny and Luna in most of my classes, and Anthony and Terry are in Runes and Arithmancy. You're the only one alone here."

He scowled, he hadn't considered that.

"You're just punishing my because I embarrassed you," Draco said angrily, "You liked me, even tried to kiss me if I remember correctly, but I tricked you and you're too concerned with staying up on that high horse of yours to get over it."

"That's not it! God, Malfoy," she was blushing now and he tried not to smirk.

"Then what is your problem? Is it the muggle-born thing? Because that had nothing to do with it. I just needed to find the wand and I knew you knew where it was, that was it."

Granger looked back at him sadly and he remembered what that emotion felt like in her memories. Sincere, aching, all-consuming. He looked away from her. "My dad had this saying when I was growing up," she said in a distant tone, "'Don't cross an ocean for people who wouldn't jump a puddle for you.'"

Draco looked back at her angrily, "I think I've done enough to count as 'jumping a puddle.' I healed your scars, gave you your wand. The necklace too."

"That's not what I'm trying to say."

"What are you trying to say?" he asked, looking back at the wall now to avoid having to see her face.

"I'm saying you're not worth it Malfoy. Not worth the struggle or the hassle. I thought I saw a glimmer of something real last term, that maybe you could be more than the Draco Malfoy I knew before, but I was wrong." He glared at her then, surprised at the effect her words were having on him.

She continued, "You seem determined to hurt anyone who tries to get close to you and I don't want to spend time with you. I'm sorry you're struggling with school, and I wish you the best, I really do. And I hope you reform from your narrow-minded upbringing, I just don't want to be involved anymore."

There was nothing more he could say, he knew that. So Draco turned toward his common room and walked away.

Granger was disappointed because she thought he was someone else and had been proven wrong. Well he felt the same about her. He thought she was different, finally seeing him for who he really was, but she just saw the Death Eater everyone else saw, and he didn't need her judgement anymore. He'd get through school fine without her, he'd solved much bigger issues before.

* * *

It had been a few days since Draco's disastrous run-in with Granger. He was feeling so depressed when he woke up the next Monday that he'd taken the day off to go home to see his mother, making up some excuse about an incident with one of the dark artifacts in his home that Slughorn did not care about.

Draco hoped she'd make him feel better, but he'd left Monday night feeling just as bad as he had when he'd left Granger in the hall.

Draco tried to explain his struggle in school but his mother simply reminded him, "We didn't raise you to depend on other people. You're a Malfoy and your path is set. You don't need classes, those professors, or any assessments by the ministry."

His mother tried to convince him to leave Hogwarts again. But when Draco hinted that he may want to get a job after school instead of managing their estate she said, "Draco, I want you to be happy, I do. But is this something you really want? I know your relationship with your father is strained and you want to lash out and rebel and do something different. But this is who you are. You are a Malfoy, however much you may want to forget it. Why are you trying so hard to be someone you're not?"

Was she right? Was Draco destined for the path laid out for him and nothing else? His mother didn't want him to change and Granger didn't think he could.

He had been sure the Draco Malfoy the world thought he was felt wrong, but maybe they were all right. He should just give in; it was getting too hard to fight against being the person everyone else wanted him to be.

"Were you planning to help?" Draco muttered angrily to Blaise next to him, who was reading a magazine, not even pretending to be working on the memory potion they were supposed to be brewing together.

Blaise looked up, "Nah, you've got this mate."

Draco almost sliced his finger for a second time trying to cut up the Genko root, then slammed his hands on the desk.

"Whoa, you need to relax, Draco, it's just potions."

"That's easy for you to say, you're taking, what, three classes? And you make me do all of the work in this one, so you there are only two you actually have to keep up with."

"Daphne does most of Charms," Blaise said lazily, "So it's really just one."

"So you don't care about the N.E.W.T.s?" Draco asked.

"No. Do you?"

Draco didn't know anymore.

Blaise continued, "I thought you knew this, since you did nothing but brag about it for years, but your family is loaded. You do not need N.E.W.T.s to get a good job, you can just live off of your gold. For generations. So stop working so hard and have fun. Quidditch, witches, occasional parties, messing with Griffyndors, that's what you should be focused on."

Draco shook his head, then admitted. "You're probably right."

"I am right, come on," Blaise closed his magazine and stood up.

"What?" Draco looked around, but no one had noticed them. The rest of the class tried to avoid looking in their direction as much as possible.

"Let's go," Blaise motioned for the door.

"We are in the middle of class," Draco pointed out, motioning toward the half-finished potion.

"Draco, you're an eighth year ex-Death Eater. The teachers do not want you here and couldn't care less about your education. You need to take more advantage of that. Watch this."

Blaise went to Slughorn where he was reading at his desk and whispered something quick to the older wizard. Slughorn waved him off without even looking up. Blaise sauntered back to their table and grabbed Draco's arm and led him out of the class, not even bothering to clean up their table before leaving.

"Now what?" Draco asked when they were in the hall.

"Let's go fly. The damn snow finally cleared and no one will be on the pitch in the middle of classes."

"We have practice in a few hours," Draco reminded him.

"Yeah, well that'll give us a few hours of fun before we have to correct form and run drills and shit like that."

They stopped by the common room to change and get their brooms then headed out.

The two boys took turns throwing the Quaffle all over the field while the other tried to catch it. Then they each took some shots while the other played keeper.

Draco felt lighter than he had in a long time. During practices he was preoccupied with the other players and realized he hadn't taken time to actually enjoy playing Quidditch all year. After a spectacular save, Blaise whistled in his direction and they saw the rest of their team walking toward the pitch. They both floated down toward the locker room to meet the team when Draco turned to Blaise, "Hey, thanks mate, that's just what I needed. I'd forgotten Quidditch can actually be fun."

Blaise laughed. "Life can be fun, mate. Stick with me, I'll show you." Draco nodded and thought he just might give Blaise's methods a try.

* * *

Hermione was the only one who seemed to notice when Malfoy and Zabini walked out of Potions and didn't show up for Transfiguration. She considered mentioning it to Ginny, but knew Ginny would scold her for worrying about Malfoy. Hermione had decided to leave him alone, so she needed to put him out of her mind.

But the fact that no one else seemed to care was depressing. Slughorn had let them leave without a fight, and Professor Switch didn't care at all when he noticed they were gone. If it had been any other students they would have sent someone to check up on them, but they seemed relieved to be rid of Malfoy and Zabini. Did Malfoy know? Probably, he had mentioned something about it being so hard all alone, she guessed this was part of what he meant.

"Finally, a clear day!" Ginny exclaimed when they opened the door to the grounds. It had been snowing non-stop for weeks. "Of course it would be a day the Slytherins have the pitch, we've been practicing in blizzards."

"Well if you can play well in a blizzard, you should be able to play in anything," Hermione pointed out, but Ginny wasn't listening, she had her eye on the Quidditch pitch where two figures were flying around. Her eyes narrowed, "Well I guess we found out where Malfoy and Zabini ended up."

Hermione looked over and could barely make out Zabini's dark skin and Malfoy's pale skin as they flew around the pitch. "They skipped class to fly?"

"I wish I'd thought of it, that Transfiguration assignment today was so boring." For once Hermione agreed. They'd spent the class transfiguring furniture pieces. It was practical for when they were in the real world, but very dull work. Hagrid opened the door and warmth burst out just as she was about to knock.

"Come in, come in you two," Hagrid said with a big smile. "Twice in one week, you are too kind. How was the weekend?"

Hermione gave Malfoy and Zabini one last look, then shook her head and turned back toward the open door. She had been worried about him and he was just skiving off to fly. She was right the first time, this Slytherin was not worth her time. "Alrigh' Hermione?" Hagrid asked, following her gaze to the Quidditch pitch.

"Never better," she said, resolved to drop Malfoy from her thoughts for good as she followed Hagrid inside the hut.

* * *

Draco sat down uneasily in the chair in front of Slughorn's desk, bracing himself for what was bound to be an uncomfortable conversation.

"Mr. Malfoy," Slughorn said as he reviewed a parchment in front of him. Draco wondered what it said. He assumed there was a list of his classes and grades, but wondered if there were other notes.

_Ex-Death Eater_

_Invaded the castle_

_Attempted to murder headmaster and two other students_

_Almost killed in Quidditch accident (unfortunately made it through)_

But Draco couldn't read anything from Slughorn's expression, which just looked bored. Draco folded his hands in his lap and sat up straight, waiting for Slughorn to speak.

"This is more of a formality for you," Slughorn said eventually, looking up at Draco with his dark eyes. "I'm supposed to meet with all graduating students and see if you need career help."

Draco looked back at him, impassive. He did need career help, actually, but he could tell by Slughorn's tone and preamble that he assumed just as Blaise and everyone else did that he'd carry on after his father, with no need for N.E.W.T.s, letters of recommendation, or job applications. Draco sighed heavily.

Slughorn misinterpreted this as a sigh of insolence and his tone turned angry, "I don't want to be here anymore than you do Mr. Malfoy."

"Fine, Professor," Draco said through gritted teeth. "What do you need from me?"

"Well, is there any job you're going after?" He had his quill raised and Draco could see him writing the next line in his mind. It would likely include the words "trust fund" and "lost cause."

Draco wanted to stand up then and leave, but he'd need the school's support to become a curse-breaker, so he spit out, "Yes."

Slughorn's eyes flashed in surprise and he looked back at Draco questioningly. When Draco didn't respond he asked in an annoyed tone, "Okay, well what is it?"

Draco hesitated, but he knew he would need Slughorn's help. If only to give him the application. "Curse-breaker," he said quickly and Slughorn's eyes widened, but he didn't scoff, so that was something.

"That requires a lot of N.E.W.T.s," he looked back at the parchment with Draco's school history, "but it does look like you have the right amount. Six N.E.W.T.s?"

Draco nodded.

"I believe that's the most of anyone in our house," Slughorn muttered with suppressed admiration. He pushed back from the desk and started looking through his bottom drawer, then pulled out a roll of parchment. "Well here's the application. Good luck." We waved to the door to dismiss Draco then.

Draco knew he was supposed to do more, like guide him, give him advice, help him find professors to write letters of recommendation. But Slughorn had done the bare minimum. Draco didn't know why he'd expected more and left the office with his head hung down. This was stupid, he should give it up as a bad job and burn the application, but something made him keep it.

Blaise was in his dorm when he got in, writing a letter, which was rare for him. Draco buried the application at the bottom of his trunk.

"How was it?" Blaise asked and Draco could tell he didn't care.

"Stupid."

"Yeah, mine too." Blaise stopped his letter, then looked back at Draco, studying him. "You look awful."

Draco ignored him, "Who's the letter for?"

Blaise grinned and picked up a thin sheet of parchment written in odd looking pink ink on his bed and held it out for Draco to read. "Just responding to this gem."

Draco's eyes darted over the page and he cringed when he read over some of the dirtiest collections of words he'd ever come across. He saw it was signed, " _XXX, Your Sexy Minx,"_ then threw it back on the bed.

"Please tell me you haven't actually done any of that shit?" Draco was disgusted and performed a quick spell to wash his hands.

Blaise grinned but didn't respond, still working on his own letter.

"What's wrong with the parchment and ink?" Draco asked, peering over at the letter now. The paper was very thin, there was no way a quill could write on it without tearing it. But that ink was off too, it wasn't written with a quill.

"She's a muggle," Blaise said simply, "They don't use quills, then have pens and paper."

Draco cocked his head, confused, "How was she able to send that to you here?"

Blaise didn't look up when he responded, "There's an address you can give for Hogwarts and the muggle mail gets directed here. It's how the muggle-borns can get letters sent from home."

Draco crossed his arms, "And how do _you_ know that?"

"I'm a prefect," Blaise pointed at his badge, "Granger told us at the beginning of the year."

"Right, so you could pass that information on to all of our Slytherin muggle-borns?" Draco asked sarcastically.

"I know, right?" Blaise paused then, considering, and asked in a serious tone, "What do you think? Will we ever have muggle-borns in this house?"

Draco thought about this, then said, "Maybe, in a few years."

"Would you care?"

"No," Draco answered honestly, wondering precisely when that had changed. But he knew, it was the night on the tower, when Granger had left him in that body bind curse.

"Yeah, me neither." Blaise went back to his letter and his quill hung above the page. Draco thought he was searching his mind for the perfect filthy phrase. He seemed to have found it and scribbled one more line, then said, "Done!" Blaise threw the letter on his nightstand, then went to his trunk and pulled out a bottle of Fire Whiskey and two small glasses.

"You need this," he held one of the glasses out to Draco.

"We both have double Charms in half an hour," Draco responded, not reaching for the proffered glass.

"It'll be more interesting after a few shots of this. Plus, we don't have Quidditch tonight, so why not?"

There were a lot of reasons why not, Draco thought. One: Alcohol made Draco's thoughts harder to control with Occlumency. Two: He hadn't perfected the memory charms they were practicing in class that day and should probably be sober for the lesson. Three: He had a pile of homework to get through and couldn't afford to pass out drunk tonight.

But Draco thought back to his disappointing meeting with Slughorn. The professors didn't care about Draco's success, his own mother wanted him to drop out of school, so why was he trying so hard?

He nodded to Blaise and Blaise tossed him the glass which Draco caught easily. With a wave of his wand Blaise filled the glass with whiskey and Draco shot it down, wincing as the liquid burned his throat.

Then he held his glass out for Blaise to fill again, longing for the feeling of numbness that would soon follow.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since Malfoy skipped class the first time and Hermione was pleased to report that she was doing a splendid job of ignoring him. He was making it easier for her too by skipping about half of his classes. It was simple to ignore someone who wasn't around.

Malfoy was missing Charms right now and Flitwick was returning assignments. He placed Malfoy's on his empty desk and Hermione wondered who he thought was going to return it to Malfoy, since Zabini was also not in class. She guessed this was just another example of the professors not caring about him. She saw Daphne grab Zabini's paper from his empty seat, but she glared at Malfoy's and left it behind.

Hermione couldn't help but glance at the abandoned paper on her way out, then was surprised when she noticed unfamiliar handwriting. It was loopy, not at all like the tight, neat script she'd always seen Malfoy write in. She picked it up and looked around nervously but no one noticed her besides Luna.

"Problem Hermione?" the blonde asked airily.

"This isn't Malfoy's handwriting, but it has his name on it," Hermione responded.

"Could be a rufflux. Maybe it possessed him, changed his handwriting, but kept his appearance. It's happened before," Luna said matter-of-factly.

Hermione nodded absently, she'd stopped listening after " _rufflux_." "Or he's just cheating," she responded.

"Could be," Luna said wisely.

Hermione shoved the paper into her bag, ready to tell Malfoy off. She was Head Girl and she wouldn't allow him to get away with cheating. They had a free period now so she had time to go to her room and check the map, find his location, then scold him, and maybe deduct points too.

A voice in her head pointed out that she should go to Anthony with this and tried to remind her she'd decided to ignore Malfoy, but the voice was soft and she was able to push it out of her head easily.

She found Malfoy's dot easily on the map, he was in the Slytherin common room. Good, she wouldn't have to go far. When Hermione got to the stone door she hesitated, not wanting to go inside alone and be surrounded by Slytherins. Luckily a second-year girl was approaching so she sent her in to get Malfoy.

When he came into the hall he looked confused, then his expression turned to indifference when he saw her, "What do you want?"

"What is this?" Hermione held the forged assignment out to him.

Malfoy looked at it, then read the title and responded simply, "Charms essay, on…" he looked back at it and read, "The difference between non-verbal and wandless magic."

Hermione could smell alcohol on him when he leaned toward her then sighed, but pressed on, "Did you write it?"

"It has my name on it," he said simply. She wanted to slap the smug grin off his face.

"We both know this isn't your handwriting."

"If you want to turn me in for cheating go ahead. If you think it's worth your time," he added nastily, clearly referring to her harsh words from the last time they'd spoken. Then he turned and went back into the common room.

Hermione turned to leave, prepared to go to Anthony for reinforcements and saw that a few older girls had been listening down the hall. They must have come upon them and been waiting for her and Malfoy to finish, since they'd been blocking the entrance to the common room. The girls sidled past her now, giving her a wide berth.

"Uh, Hermione."

Hermione looked back and saw Astoria standing opposite her, looking as beautiful as ever, though slightly more ragged. "Oh, hi," Hermione said, then turned to leave.

"Can I talk to you?" Astoria asked, "Maybe somewhere else?"

Hermione was confused, but followed Astoria anyway to the same empty classroom where Astoria had asked her to visit Malfoy in the hospital wing last term.

"What do you need this time?" Hermione asked in a tone harsher than Astoria deserved.

But she didn't react and started with, "It's Draco."

Hermione waited for her to continue. Of course it was Malfoy, what else would Astoria have to talk to her about?

"I heard you, just now," Astoria continued.

"I assumed," Hermione said, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, well. He's been skipping most of his classes, skipping assignments. He just parties with Blaise and plays Quidditch, like he's trying to pretend he's not at school anymore."

"Do you know who's been doing his assignments?" Hermione asked.

Astoria blushed and looked away, there was her answer.

"Oh, you have. Well why are you telling me? You know I could report both of you for this."

"I thought you were friends," Astoria said weakly.

"Malfoy and I are _not_ friends."

"But last term, I know you went to see him after I asked, and he was so much better after, I could tell-"

"You have no idea what you're talking about Astoria," Hermione interrupted her. "I checked on him like you said and he was fine. I even forgave him for calling me a Mudblood. But he paid me back by betraying me in the worst way." Her voice trailed off.

"What happened?" Astoria asked.

"Nothing." Hermione said sharply, suddenly done with this conversation. She turned to leave.

"Can you at least talk to him?" Astoria asked, "Offer to help or something? He needs a push, he's just given up and it's heartbreaking. I know he came here to pursue a different path but now he's just bragging about how he is a Malfoy and doesn't need school or classes or N.E.W.T.s. He's back to being a prat and no one else cares."

Hermione studied the witch opposite her and felt bad for her. She saw herself in this girl, caring about a wizard who clearly didn't care about her. "I'm sorry, but I don't care either. I won't turn you in, but you should stop doing his assignments. It just ends up hurting him during exam time. And you, since you have to do double work. I'd leave him alone if I were you. One thing I learned last term is that Draco Malfoy is not worth the trouble."

"You're wrong," Astoria's voice was strong and Hermione felt even worse for her. It seemed Hermione wasn't the only one who had been played by Malfoy. "I thought you were different, but you're just like everyone else. You can't see past the ex-Death Eater to the kind, smart, great wizard underneath," Astoria ended severely.

"Agree to disagree," Hermione opened the door and waited for Astoria to go through first. The younger witch marched away angrily, but Hermione just sighed and said to herself, "Good luck, you're going to need it."

* * *

The Slytherins were flying very well and Draco decided that all that time running around the dungeons at the beginning of the year had actually worked. Even Collins admitted as much, although begrudgingly. Jones especially was flying better than ever. He'd taken private classes over the break as a way to apologize to the team, though no one blamed him for being stunned and kidnapped the last match.

"Greengrass!" Draco yelled at Astoria, then motioned that she join him. She flew over to him and he started in, "You're the one doing my assignments?" He'd recognized her handwriting from the notes she'd made all over the Prewett book she'd lent him.

"Who did you think was doing them?"

"I don't know, I thought Blaise had gotten some younger students to do them, the same person who does his I guess."

She shrugged. "I guess you were half-right. I am younger."

"Well you need to stop."

"But you'll fail. Everyone is just looking for a reason to get rid of you."

"Let me worry about that." He studied her. She was looking a little off. She was thinner, tired, and now that he thought of it she'd been spending a lot of time in the common room and wasn't flying as well.

But until Granger had pointed it out he'd barely noticed. He was focused on drinking with Blaise. Maybe Granger was right, maybe he did hurt everyone close to him.

Draco had been trying out Blaise's new way of living for almost a month now but it was getting to be too much. He'd never been great with drinking and he was having trouble balancing the hangovers with the bare minimum needed to keep up with classes and Quidditch.

Blaise had this lifestyle down but it wasn't for Draco. He was feeling more lost than ever.

He'd tried to follow his father's path, but he'd been a shit Death Eater. He'd tried to be the independent Malfoy heir his mother wanted, but that was harder than ever in a world that hated the Malfoys. He'd tried to be his own person, pursuing curse-breaking and even befriending a muggle-born, but that had blown up. And he'd tried being like Blaise, but that wasn't working out either. Who the fuck should he try to be next?

"Oy!" Blaise sped next to them, "What are you two doing? I need to do a few more drills with the Chasers."

"Sure," Draco said, "Two more, then we should wrap it up." He flew aimlessly around, not paying attention to the team anymore. He didn't even notice they'd stopped practicing and were assembled on the ground, waiting for him to dismiss practice. They had to send Beck up to fetch him.

"Okay, you guys flew well today," Draco said when he landed on the ground, "we still have to work out a few kinks from those new drills, but we have time before we have to play Ravenclaw."

"A group of us will be watching the game tomorrow from the Astronomy Tower for anyone who wants to enjoy some entertainment and refreshments while watching," Blaise announced.

"And not have to see any Gryffindor fans," Jones added.

Malfoy nodded, he wished he'd thought to watch the games from there sooner, he could have avoided a trip to the hospital wing. "I'll see some of you at the game-watching party and the rest of you for practice Monday."

The team disbanded and he walked with Blaise back to the castle, listening to him and Jones hash out the final details for an after party complete with muggle drugs and card games planned for the next night.

* * *

The Gryffindors beat Hufflepuff 280 to 120. Ginny had been paranoid going into the match since she was down a chaser and a keeper thanks to Hermione getting them suspended, but that just forced her to move herself to Chaser which ended up being the best spot for her.

She was such a great Chaser it didn't matter that the game went on long due to their sub-par seeker, since that just gave her more chances to score.

And the third-year who had to fill in for Seamus as keeper rarely saw the Quaffle thanks to Ginny, who was able to keep possession of the ball with the Gryffindors for most of the game. By the end of the match the Gryffindors were 14 goals ahead of the Hufflepuffs when Gryffindor's substitute seeker finally caught the snitch.

Hermione watched the entire three-hour match, mainly because Ron and Harry wouldn't let her open her bag to get a book. But she enjoyed watching Ginny, especially after her revelation about wanting to be a professional Quidditch player. Hermione knew very little about these things, but it was clear even to her that Ginny was the best flier on the pitch.

The after party in the Gryffindor common room that night was very loud. Hermione and Ginny convinced Harry and Ron to stay for most of it, and Hermione enjoyed a few dances with Ron. She even danced with Dean and Seamus, who had finally forgiven her completely for turning them in last term.

By the time Harry and Ron were ready to leave, they realized they'd missed their window of time to Floo home from McGonagall's office, so Hermione walked them to the front door instead. She gave both of them huge hugs, then headed back to her dorm feeling light and happy.

Hermione was in the hall leading to her common room when she heard faint music coming from an unused corridor to her right. She considered ignoring it, knowing that whatever she found at the end of that corridor would undoubtedly kill her good mood, but her sense of duty overtook her desire to turn away and she grabbed her wand from her robes and turned toward the noise.

She found the source of the music several doors down at the end of a long hall. She took a deep breath, then opened the door and was surprised by the scene before her. There were about 20-30 students, Slytherins she guessed, but they were all wearing muggle party clothes so she couldn't be sure.

There were muggle drugs on a table to her right and another table past that one was adorned with what looked like a full bar. There were three couches on the opposite wall with a few couples making out on them. There were a lot of people dancing in the middle of the room, then at the back of the room there was a third table covered in muggle cards and a few piles of Galleons and Sickles.

With a wave of Hermione's wand the music stopped and it took a few moments for the students to notice her in the doorway. She saw Malfoy and Zabini give her dirty looks from the poker table.

"30 points from Slytherin," she said with as much authority as she could muster, "And that's lenient since you're currently breaking about 50 school rules." A few students had rushed for the door when they saw her there, but most of them stood still in their places.

"I'll keep adding 10 points for every additional minute it takes you to clear this classroom and get out," she said harshly, and the students started to shuffle around the room, some shoving bottles and drugs back into their robes. She just huffed, not willing to fight that battle right now. She'd mention it to Anthony later, maybe he and Slughorn could search the Slytherin dorm rooms for drugs and alcohol tomorrow.

Before long the drugs, alcohol, couches, and poker table were cleared and the room was mostly back to a deserted classroom. They'd left some trash behind but Hermione decided not to argue, she could make them clean it up the next day.

In four minutes everyone except Zabini, Malfoy, Jones, and a burly Slytherin she recognized as the one who'd been playing with Jones in the suits of armor at the end of last term had left the room. The four boys were still sitting around what had been the poker table, though the cards and money were now gone.

Hermione rounded on Zabini, "You do realize you're the worst prefect ever? I'm going to have your badge taken tomorrow."

Blaise reached into his pocket and pulled it out, then tossed it toward her, it landed at her feet, "Calm down, you can have it now. I won't miss having to do rounds anyway." He stood and left, staggering a little on his way out. The other three remained sitting at the table, making no moves to leave the room.

"It's time to go to your rooms," Hermione said again, annoyed they still hadn't budged. The two younger Slytherins looked to Malfoy, but he hadn't noticed, or didn't care. Eventually Jones, who was seated closest to her, stood up and approached her. He was close enough that she could smell the alcohol on his breath and stepped back, her wand drawn. "Oh look, a little Mudblood," he said with a cruel glint in his eyes.

"Get away from me or I'll hex you." She spat, then looked back at the table where Malfoy was still sitting. She noticed too late that the burly Slytherin was no longer sitting next to him. She shrieked as he grabbed her arms from behind and bent her wrist back so she was forced to drop her wand.

"Yes, we should listen to her," the guy with her arms whispered into her ear, "She is _Head Girl_ after all. She might dock more points."

Jones' eyes widened in alarm, clearly he hadn't meant to hurt her and was put off by the turn of events. But instead of helping her, he backed slowly out of the room after Zabini.

Hermione felt the boy behind her bend over and pick up her wand as he whispered in her ear, "Poor little Gryffindor, defenseless and alone." She could smell the alcohol on his breath and her stomach turned.

She whimpered, then looked toward where Malfoy was still sitting, watching the two of them curiously. She pleaded with her eyes for him to help her.

She should have known better than to come in here alone, they had overpowered her with almost no effort. Fear started to rise in her throat and she gulped. She could feel the boy behind her smelling her hair and she wanted to vomit.

Hermione tried to pull away, but he shoved her against the nearest wall. When she tried to kick him, he bound her to the spot with her own wand.

"What do you think, Malfoy? I know she's a Mudblood, but she's a pretty one." He stroked her cheek and she couldn't even scream out since he'd bound her mouth too.

Malfoy rose from the table finally and came close to her, the other guy backed away while Malfoy studied her. Hermione was terrified, but she knew Malfoy helping her was her last hope of getting out of this unscathed. She could tell he was drunk and his eyes were hard and cold, and she thought his expression was slightly unhinged. He was completely different from the person she'd gotten close to last term.

"I never understood the fuss," he said softly, then turned away, "You can have her." He was at the door when the other boy grabbed her leg and started moving his hand up to the hem of her skirt.

She screamed as hard as possible through the bind on her mouth, but only a muffled shriek came out. Then she tried to buck as much through the binds as she could, but before she knew it the guy was blasted off of her and she saw Malfoy behind him with a bored expression, tossing his wand in the air and catching it again.

"I changed my mind," Malfoy drawled, "Leave us alone."

The Slytherin was about to argue, but the murderous look on Malfoy's face must have made him think twice so he swore then turned to the door instead.

"Leave her wand," Malfoy called before the guy left, and he slammed it onto a table near the door, then shut the door loudly behind him. Malfoy walked slowly to the door and grabbed the wand from the table, then turned back to Hermione.

She didn't know what to think, was he about to attack her or free her?

"Pitiful Granger," he muttered when he was just a foot away from her. "How you and your friends beat the Dark Lord with those combat skills is beyond me. Pathetic," he finished with slurred speech, looping his index finger through the bind on her mouth and dropping it to her chin.

In another tone it would have sounded like a tease, but he said the words cruelly and she felt like a child. He fingered the necklace he'd given her, which was hanging outside her jumper, then he dropped it, a sad look creeping into his eyes.

"Are you going to let me go?" she asked with as much hatred as she could muster.

He raised her wand and she flinched, then closed her eyes and waited for the spell to hit her, but all she felt was the binds disappearing from her feet and wrists. She steadied herself against the wall and continued to glare at him. He still had her wand, so there wasn't much she could do. Eventually he asked, "Did you really think I was going to let him assault you?"

She didn't respond. Yeah, she did.

"Of course you did," he said angrily, then shoved her wand back into her hand. "Next time, bring reinforcements Granger."

He turned toward the door again and was holding the doorknob when she called out, "This isn't you."

He turned his head to the side, but didn't look back at her, "You don't know who I am."

"Do you?" Hermione challenged.

Malfoy was still for a moment, then he turned toward her and said, "No. But I know he's…how did you put it? Not worth it."

"You need help, Draco," she said gently.

His façade dropped, and she saw his eyes well with pain before he closed them and said, "I asked for it. You said no." He turned then and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. So confession, I really hate this whole last scene and I think Draco waited way too long to intervene. I know you're hurting man, but come on... At least he got there in the end. But I may come back and re-write a way for Draco to help Hermione without there being sexual assault involved. This is just what came to me first and it's kind of too woven in to this chapter and others to change it now, just wanted to let you know that I feel pretty bad about including a trigger like this in my story.
> 
> Also: I know some of you may hate Draco here, but remember, he's kind of a shitty guy in the first 7 books, so the transition from that character to someone Hermione could actually like is going to be a bit rough (for realism sake). Thanks for reading anyway!


	17. The Reunion

**Chapter 17 – Reunion**

When Hermione got back to her room she tried to tear Malfoy's necklace from her neck but it wouldn't break.

"Magic," she muttered angrily to herself as she moved her hands to the back of her neck to unclasp it properly. She glared at the beautiful gems and watched the snake slither its tongue at her a few times before throwing it forcefully into the fire.

It took her ages to fall asleep that night. She kept thinking how terrified she'd been because of that stupid Slytherin and cursed herself for allowing him to overpower her so easily. And Malfoy! He could have helped her but instead had sat back and watched her suffer. What did she expect? Hadn't he done the same in the drawing room at Malfoy Manor?

No, that wasn't fair. He had helped in the end this time, although he'd waited entirely too long. He certainly was no Harry Potter.

_But you don't like Harry, you like Draco._

"No I don't!" She said this out loud although only Crookshanks was around to hear.

Tears sprang into her eyes then and she rubbed them furiously. She would not shed any tears for that prick. But no matter what she tried she couldn't get Malfoy out of her mind. She even tried meditation but that just reminded her of Occlumency lessons with him. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes, she needed to calm down.

Hermione kept seeing the pain in Malfoy's eyes as he uttered his last statement, _I asked for it. You said no._ She pulled her pillow over her face and screamed into it.

_What is wrong with me?_

Why was she so drawn to Malfoy? Why couldn't she forget him and move on? She remembered asking herself these same questions after Halloween, the first time he'd been terrible to her and she'd forgiven him like an idiot. She remembered why she'd felt compelled to do so then. _Because he could be so much better._

But he's not! She needed to give up on who he could be and focus on who he was right now. An insufferable, arrogant, worthless, prat. The memory of him crying on the floor in his mother's room came into her mind then and she started crying too.

She had a serious problem. Her mind whirled between alternating thoughts of hating Malfoy and feeling bad for him before she was finally able to fall asleep.

* * *

Hermione spent the whole of Sunday watching Malfoy's dot on the Marauder's map. Well first she'd gone straight to McGonagall to report the incident from the night before, then she watched Malfoy. Crookshanks purred loudly on her lap and watched along with her and she wondered if he thought she'd gone mad, because she was starting to think so.

Malfoy had woken late and spent about 30 minutes in the prefect bathroom, then gone back to his room and laid or sat in bed for another hour. Hermione wondered if he was meditating.

After that Malfoy went to the common room and sat near Astoria for another 30 minutes, then went to the kitchens, presumably to get food since he'd missed breakfast and lunch by that point.

Now he was in the music room on the top floor. He'd been there for about an hour. Against her better judgement, Hermione went up there to see what he was doing.

When she approached the room, the door was closed and she could feel the familiar tingle of a silencing charm. She dropped the silencing charm, but didn't open the door. A flood of piano music came into the hall when the spell was removed.

So that's what Malfoy was doing here, just playing the piano. Nothing as sinister as she'd thought. Hermione picked her wand up to recast the silencing charm, but stopped and leaned against the wall and listened to him play for a few minutes.

The song was dark and beautiful, similar to Malfoy, and for the first time this term she thought maybe the person she'd called Draco in her mind was real and felt bad for how he'd treated her last term and might be worth forgiving.

She sighed and sunk down to sit on the floor, leaning her head against the closed door. She was such an idiot.

When the song ended, she stood up, about to put the silencing charm back in place and leave when she heard Malfoy call from inside, "Granger, what the fuck are you doing here?"

She blushed, then opened the door and walked inside. He had turned on the seat to face her, his back to the piano, and she saw him smirk to himself when he saw her.

"How did you know it was me?"

"It's always fucking you, you have serious boundary issues," he muttered.

"I was just walking by and heard the music," she lied.

"I had cast a silencing charm," Malfoy cocked his eyebrow at her, but she didn't answer his unspoken question.

"Whatever, I was just leaving."

Hermione opened the door to leave and was almost in the hall when she heard him say softly, "Granger."

When she moved to face him he looked nervous, then mumbled, "I shouldn't have waited so long." She was confused and it must have shown on her face, because Draco added, "Last night, I mean."

She crossed her arms then, "No you shouldn't have." She had been terrified and he could have blasted that boy away from her immediately. "Was there going to be an apology too?" she asked.

"That was it," Draco looked down at the ground, obviously uncomfortable.

"Your apologies are terrible," Hermione stated, "is there some curse in your family that causes you physical pain if you say the words 'I'm sorry?'"

He didn't respond and continued to look at the ground, and she watched him awkwardly, wondering what she was still doing here.

"You're really good," Hermione said, motioning toward the piano, "you should play in the school choir."

He gave her a look that said that was a stupid idea, then shook his head.

"But obviously that would interfere with your bad boy reputation," Hermione continued.

He ignored this comment, then said, "I've never played for anyone else. Just my mother. And for me. It helps me clear my thoughts."

"You spend a lot of time trying not to think about things," Hermione pointed out.

His eyes turned dark and she was reminded of her old nickname for him, _Mercurial Malfoy_. "We're not friends, we're not even acquaintances, so you don't get to analyze me. Leave me alone." He turned back to face the piano and she took this as her cue to leave.

"I thought you were trying to get me to forgive you. Do you not care about that anymore?"

"I don't know," he responded candidly, and she heard his voice catch in his throat and it broke her heart. Was this more of his game? Was he just trying to earn her sympathy? She'd never know with him, but she had a feeling this was sincere.

By the time she'd arrived back at her room she'd decided to start calling him Draco again, in her mind at least. It really wasn't fair to call him Malfoy; he wasn't that awful person anymore.

* * *

When the door clicked closed behind Granger, Draco leaned his forehead against the music stand.

Fucking Granger. How did she always find him? He wondered if she'd put a trace on him somehow. But if she cared that much about his whereabouts, she wouldn't have given that long speech about how worthless he was.

He didn't remember specifics from the night before, he'd been too drunk. But he did remember flashes of Montgomery pinning her against the wall. He also remembered waiting longer than necessary to help her. Fuck, he was such an arse.

Draco sighed heavily, maybe it was for the best that Granger didn't want to be his friend. He hated her pitying looks. And more than those he hated the version of himself he was reminded of every time he saw her.

He couldn't look into her big brown eyes these days without seeing the terrible person he'd been to her all those years, culminating with that horrifying day when she was tortured in his drawing room.

But it hadn't ended there. Draco had used her last term when she'd been nothing but kind to him, then almost let his dormmate molest her just to get back at her for being justifiably upset with him. _Fuck._

He glowered at the piano then, knowing he wouldn't be able to play anymore, then trudged back to the dungeons.

When Draco returned to his dormitory Blaise was pacing the room. Draco looked over at Montgomery's empty spot, but he really didn't care about his sudden expulsion. He was just glad it hadn't been Jones, since he couldn't afford to be down a Quidditch player. But Montgomery was a creep and deserved to be gone.

"There you are," Blaise said accusingly.

"Yeah, why?"

"Goldstein and Slughorn just came in here and took all of my fire whiskey!"

"Oh," Draco shrugged, not really caring, "Granger tipped them off?"

"Seems like it. Fucking Head Girl, I can't believe she took my badge," he slammed his hand against one of the windows then and a school of fish swam away in alarm.

Draco snorted, "Really? You can't believe that?"

Blaise smiled back at him then, and added, "That bathroom was wicked. Especially with company," he looked off into the distance like he was remembering a particularly fun visit to the bathroom.

Draco crossed his arms and said in mock surprise, "You mean you and that muggle minx are not exclusive?"

Blaise laughed out loud and Draco was glad to see him coming out of his sour mood. An upset Blaise was no fun.

"I can tell you the password to the prefect bathroom the next time it changes if that's all you want." Blaise looked completely cured of his melancholy then and jumped onto his bed, stretching his legs out in front of him.

Draco followed suit, then asked as he cocked his head to Montgomery's bed, "Do you miss your crony?"

"Hell no, that guy was a creep. Jones is moping around though, I think that was his only friend."

Draco hmphed in response.

Blaise looked back at him then asked with a serious look on his face, "So did you really come to Granger's rescue last night? Montgomery said you blasted him away from her."

Draco shrugged casually, trying to hide the fury bubbling in his chest at the thought of Montgomery touching her and at the memory of his own delayed response. "You would have let Montgomery molest her? I thought you were better than that," he bit back with more anger than he intended.

"Relax, I would have helped her too," Blaise stared out the window, then asked, "I can't help but notice that the two of you don't study as much as you used to."

"We were Arithmancy partners last term, now we're not," Draco answered flatly, wondering where Blaise's sudden interest in his relationship with Granger was coming from. Maybe Daphne had put him up to it, she was incredibly nosy.

"And that upsets you?" Blaise pushed.

Draco looked back at him impassively, "No."

Blaise shrugged, likely realizing he wouldn't get any further on this topic, then asked, "How long until you think it's safe to smuggle more alcohol in?"

Draco was relieved by the change in subject, "You just need to find a better hiding spot."

"Where?" Blaise stood up and started pacing like he had been when Draco arrived. "We need the Room of Requirement back. Do you know if it's reappeared anywhere?"

Draco shook his head, "I haven't looked for it."

"Well let's go, I need to get out of this room anyway."

"Go where? To look for the Room of Requirement?"

"Sure," Blaise shrugged, "or any other good liquor hiding spot."

Draco stood up from his bed, it was better than doing the nothing he had planned, he reasoned, and followed Blaise out of the door.

When they reached the entryway Draco heard a screeching laugh from the common room and was transported back to a muggle playground he'd visited last year.

_Draco watched the young, mousy-haired boy swinging up and down without a care in the world. Draco was counting the boy's swings to pass the time while he waited for his comrades to return. He had no idea what they were doing here and he didn't want to know. He'd been tasked as a lookout for Order members and hadn't seen anything suspicious yet._

_The boy's laugh was loud and Draco wanted him to be quiet, worried he'd attract unwanted attention, but before he could cast a silencing charm Draco smelled the man he'd intended to protect the boy from just behind him. His stomach clenched and he felt bile flood into his mouth._

" _Bring him to me, young Malfoy."_

Draco cleared his mind and fell against the wall, relieved to find himself back in the entryway of the Slytherin common room. When his vision came back into focus he saw Blaise looking at him concerned. Draco stumbled into the common room, half-expecting to see the young boy, but it was impossible, considering what had happened next.

The same laugh hit his ears again and he quickly identified the source. It wasn't a young muggle boy at all, just a girl. He recognized her from his first-year lessons last term. She laughed again and he could hear the differences in the two sounds now. Her laugh was less high-pitched and innocent sounding. Draco took a deep breath, he needed to get a grip, these flashbacks were getting worse.

"Draco?" Blaise asked, concerned from the entryway.

Draco shook his head, then moved to join Blaise, "It's nothing, let's go. I just remembered there's a nook behind a tapestry on the Hufflepuff side of the dungeons we can try."

"Right," Blaise was still looking worried, but seemed prepared to drop it, "Goldstein won't think to look in Hufflepuff territory. Lead the way."

He gave Draco one more look of concern, but Draco had schooled his features by then and pushed past Blaise toward the door.

* * *

Hermione's resolution to refer to Draco by his first name faltered the next day. He seemed to be back to his old, nasty self. He sniggered when she raised her hand to answer a question, put his foot out in front of her to trip her when she walked by, and whispered insults about her loudly to Zabini. She called him Malfoy in her mind that day.

By Wednesday he was back to ignoring her. She'd even dropped a book on his foot in Arithmancy (mostly by accident) and he hadn't flinched. Hermione thought about what Astoria had said about her being like everyone else and not trying to see past the ex-Death Eater to the real person Draco was, and Hermione felt guilty. So he was back to Draco again.

That night she dug the necklace out of the ashes in her fireplace and wasn't surprised to find it was intact, moving animals and all. It obviously had some type of protection spell on it, which was probably why she'd been unable to tear it from her neck.

Hermione fell asleep studying the beautiful necklace Draco had made for her, wondering if she'd have found it easier to forgive him if he hadn't made her feel so stupid.

On Thursday morning she woke up with her hand wrapped around the necklace, and when she saw it, she decided to forgive him.

She wouldn't open her mind to Draco again, or discuss anything personal, but she could study with him. There wasn't much harm in that.

Hermione went to find Draco on the Marauder's Map during their free period after Runes. She saw him in the library at a table with the Greengrass sisters. She watched them for awhile and when the girls finally left Draco alone Hermione stood up to go meet him, but then sat back down as she considered a stop she should make first.

Hermione scanned her eyes over the map until she found the dot for _Ginerva Weasley._ She was in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione cleared the map before heading up to the tower. Luckily Ginny was alone when Hermione arrived, and she lowered herself into the empty armchair next to her friend.

"I'm going to study with him again," Hermione blurted out before Ginny even acknowledged her arrival. She knew she didn't need to clarify who she was referring to.

Ginny looked up from her book and gave Hermione a disappointed expression, but she didn't seem surprised. "Why Hermione? You know he's trouble."

"I know."

"Are you sure you're not doing this because of your helpless creature thing? Because he doesn't need you, he can take care of himself."

Hermione sighed, annoyed. "I know he's not a helpless creature Ginny. But he _is_ a human being and he is in need. I know better now, and I won't let him trick me again. But I can't keep watching him destroy his future knowing I could have helped and did nothing."

Ginny shook her head. "I can tell you're not going to change your mind. So why even bother coming to tell me?"

"I just want to be honest with you and I don't want to have to sneak around."

Ginny nodded, "Okay. And your-," she leaned in and lowered her voice, "-attraction?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm completely over that, that was stupid. That was just, it wasn't even about him, it was just some fantasy version of him I'd created in my mind. So don't worry about that."

"You're sure?" Ginny looked skeptical.

"Yes," Hermione said with as much conviction as she could muster.

"Okay…" Ginny picked her book up then and shook her head to herself.

"Well I need to go," Hermione stood up, "I just wanted to let you know."

"Just be careful please."

Hermione nodded in response then headed straight to the library. Maybe she'd gotten ahead of herself going to Ginny first. Draco may not want to study with her again, though she suspected he'd be relieved in his own "refusing to show her how he feels" way.

She knew where to find him even without the map, he always sat in the spot at the back, closest to the restricted section and farthest from the rest of the students. She sat across from him, but he didn't look up, still determined to ignore her. Okay, she could deal with that.

"What are you working on?" Hermione asked.

Draco looked up from his book then back down, but he lifted the textbook from the table so she could see the title, _Advanced Runic Inscriptions._

"Oh, good," Hermione continued, "I haven't finished that essay yet."

Hermione unloaded her bag, then grabbed her quill and parchment. Draco had stopped reading and was studying her, looking slightly amused, but he didn't say anything.

They studied for a few hours, he only talked when absolutely necessary, but they still moved quickly through assignments from Runes, Potions, and Charms. At dinner time, Hermione finally got up to leave.

"Same time next week?" she asked.

He cocked his head, then nodded and she turned to leave. She turned back and added, "But you have to show me that new Arithmancy spell you used when we were working with Terry and Anthony."

He rolled his eyes and she added, "And you need to stop throwing illicit parties."

He smirked, but nodded once in agreement.

Hermione turned to leave then but she heard him mutter something and she turned back to face him, "What?"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled again.

She smirked to herself and considered making a joke, but let it go. She could tell that had taken a lot out of him and nodded quickly before finally leaving.

* * *

"Studying on a Friday night instead of partying with Blaise?" Astoria asked as she sat on the couch next to Draco, "Does this mean we finally have the responsible Draco from last term back?"

Resolved to push Granger away after their incident in the music room, Draco tried to bully her again, but that made him feel terrible and he couldn't keep it up for long. So then he'd tried to ignore her instead.

But when Granger sought him out in the library, he didn't have the strength to get up and leave. He was so tired. Tired of acting like the strong, confident wizard who was unaffected by everyone's hatred. Tired of pretending he knew exactly who he was. Tired of trying to make his mother proud of him. He just wanted to be with someone who seemed fine with Draco being the messed-up person he was right now, and Granger was that person.

He should probably analyze the ease between them further, how Thursday night was the first time all term he slept soundly, how he was actually looking forward to something as lame as a study session this Sunday, but he didn't. He'd just let this be whatever it was.

And he was finally thinking that maybe the Draco Malfoy who studies a lot because he's working hard to become a curse-breaker, the guy who unexpectedly befriends a muggle-born in an act of defiance against his upbringing and others' expectations. And the guy who leads his Quidditch team to victory (he added belatedly) was closer to the real him than he'd originally thought. He may have dismissed that version of Draco Malfoy too early.

Draco looked back at Astoria, who was giving him an odd look as she waited for him to respond. She really was beautiful, and he wondered if he could like her. His mother would approve since her family was one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, but if his mother knew of Astoria's reading habits she'd approve less.

It was obvious Astoria liked him, she seemed to have forgiven him for being a Death Eater and his association with Crabbe and Goyle. That was evident by her willingness to help him get through classes at the beginning of term. But a witch like Astoria deserved his full attention, and he certainly didn't have that to offer now. Maybe later, if he ever figured out who he was and found that person wasn't completely terrible, he'd ask her out.

"I couldn't keep up with Blaise," Draco said eventually, "This feels more natural to me," he held up his textbook, "even though it is definitely not as cool."

"Well I thought you were cool before," Astoria said, laying her head back on the couch.

Draco went back to his book and she laid there for a few minutes, studying the chandelier. After awhile she sat up again and turned to him, then asked with feigned nonchalance, "Any big Valentine's Day plans this weekend?"

He put his book down, then counted the days in his head. Sunday was Valentine's Day. That detail was one of the farthest things from his mind. And it wasn't lost on him that Astoria's inquiry was just more proof that she liked him.

"No," he answered honestly, "I actually hadn't thought of that day until you just asked." He was going to see Granger, but that was the opposite of romantic. "What about you? I'm sure loads of guys have asked you out."

She smiled at the compliment, then scowled. "Well I have you to blame for my date actually," he raised his eyebrows in surprise. "To get Jones to agree to play Quidditch I said I'd go on a date with him. Well he didn't ask me out for the rest of term so I thought he'd just forgotten, or lost his nerve. But then a month ago he said he had something big planned for our first date and it would be on Valentine's Day."

Draco couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"What could take a month to plan?" she asked, throwing her hands up.

"Probably more than a month," Draco said, still laughing, "It was just a month since he asked you. Maybe he's going to propose."

"Uh," she hit his arm, "Don't even joke about that."

Just then, two of Astoria's friends came over and sat down on the chairs closest to Astoria's side of the couch. They looked over at Draco warily, and he took this as his cue to leave. He gathered his books, then whispered to Astoria before leaving, "I appreciate the sacrifice you're making for the team Mrs. Jones." He ducked out of her reach before she could hit him again.

* * *

Draco was running late to his meeting with Granger on Sunday. As he walked quickly back from Hogsmeade he considered if it was worth going to his room for his books first, but that would just add another ten minutes to his tardiness. He had parchment and a quill in his bag and he could use Granger's books. He rushed to the library and sat down at their usual table, Granger was already deep into their Potions assignment.

"You're late," she said without looking up from her parchment.

"I know how to tell time," Draco responded, unpacking parchment and quill from his bag.

"Clearly not, or you wouldn't be late," she glared at him now, but there wasn't much strength behind it, she just seemed annoyed, not angry.

"I just got back from the Manor. Dinner with my mother went longer than expected since we had to go," he paused, wondering suddenly why he was explaining himself to her, but he continued anyway, "farther out of town to avoid reporters."

Granger looked back at him surprised, probably just as shocked as he was that he'd divulged a personal detail unprompted, then she remarked awkwardly, "Well that's nice." She sharpened her tone then added, "Next time just send me an owl and we can push the time back." She turned back to her parchment.

Draco had considered sending her a note, but then he'd assumed she would cancel anyway, since it was Valentine's Day. Granger wasn't the most beautiful witch at Hogwarts, but she wasn't a troll either. There were probably some idiotic Gryffindors who'd want to ask her out. It was clear that Goldstein liked her. But no, here she was doing homework, looking almost as oblivious as he had been about the romantic holiday.

"I expected you to cancel," he said casually.

She looked back at him confused, "Why?"

"Valentine's Day Granger?"

She blushed, then looked down at her parchment, "I forgot," she muttered.

He wondered what was making her so uneasy. Maybe she'd asked someone out and they'd refused? Ouch.

"No Madam Puddifoots for you today Granger?" he teased.

"Shut up Malfoy, your date was your mum," he back glared at her. He was just as pathetic as Granger, when did that happen?

"I need to see your book," Draco pulled it closer to him and she pulled it back toward her, "Come on, stop being a child Granger, I didn't have time to go to my room first." She huffed, then moved it closer to him, then after hesitating for a moment, she scooted her chair closer too so she could still see, then she went back to her work.

They didn't get through as much as they'd planned, and it wasn't because Draco was late. They both agreed that the amount of work they'd been assigned this year was getting out of hand. It was almost double that from last term, and they thought that had been a lot.

"We didn't get to Charms at all," Granger was saying, and Draco cut, "Let's just do it Wednesday, we already know we're both free."

Granger's expression became wary, she was probably remembering the Occlumency lessons they used to have on Wednesdays, and she started to shake her head.

"Worried you're going to turn bad if you spend too much time with me?" Draco asked, annoyed.

"No," she said quickly, "Just that you're going to steal information from me and attack my best friend. Oh wait, you already did that."

He sneered back at her, "I already apologized for that."

"And I forgave you," Granger responded.

Draco started. He hadn't known that. He thought maybe she'd just agreed to put the whole matter behind them. But forgiveness? "Why?" he asked, and watched her formulate her response in her head before answering.

"I don't know. I'm beginning to think there's something seriously wrong with me," she shrugged, pushing a curl out of her face.

"I've been saying that this whole time," Draco responded.

Granger chewed her lip, like she was working up the courage to say something and Draco knew he'd hate whatever it was. He was right. "At the end of term, when you asked me to forgive you. Was that real? Or was it just part of your plot to get me to trust you?"

Draco looked back at her and saw that she was looking at him with that look of pure vulnerability that made him uneasy. "You already asked me that," he pointed out to her, and her face fell.

"Can you just tell me again?" she pleaded, and Draco's stomach turned.

He looked away from her then and muttered, "That all happened after I had what I needed," he said quickly, hoping that would answer it well enough, but she seemed disappointed still, so he added in a low voice, "By then, I'd stopped pretending."

She let out a breath, like she was relieved, then asked, "And Halloween? What happened then?"

He hitched his breath. He really didn't want to talk about that night with her. "That was my conscience kicking in," was all he ended up saying, and she looked back at him confused. "And all of the stuff you said about muggle-borns? About me?"

He was surprised again by his own willingness to answer her. Staring into her eyes was like drinking Veritaserum. "I'm not stupid Granger. I know none of it makes sense, logically but I-" he paused, then dipped his head into his hands, "it was a big part of me. But I am trying to let it go," he continued looking into his hands instead of at her, and he could hear her breathing beside him.

She didn't respond, and he kept staring at his hands for a few moments before asking again, "Why did you forgive me?" He hoped he'd get the real answer this time. Especially after he'd been so honest with her.

She considered him, then smirked as she said, "Because I want to live in a world where Draco Malfoy is friends with a muggle-born."

He raised his eyebrows, then said, "Friends? But what of the castle?"

She just laughed, then said mysteriously, "I guess we'll just have to see."

"So did I pass your test Granger?" he asked a little harshly, "Are we going to meet up on Wednesday?"

She dropped her eyes, then said, "I don't know."

"Well I'll be in here Wednesday doing homework. Stop by if you want to have an intelligent conversation about conversion charms. If you'd rather listen to some inane theory about a bottle-breath toad that doesn't exist or hear how awesome Potter is in the sack, stick with your other study partners."

She fumed, but he could tell by her reaction his assessment of her friends was partially accurate, but all she said was, "Whatever Malfoy," before quickly gathering her things and leaving.

* * *

Hermione did end up studying with Draco that Wednesday and they agreed that to keep up with their workload they'd meet regularly twice a week, Wednesday morning during their free period and Sunday night.

They'd only had four study sessions since Hermione decided to forgive Draco and she was surprised by how quickly they fell back into a comfortable rapport. Since that first session they'd both tried to keep the topics light and hadn't mentioned anything related to his plot from last term or the war.

Things seemed easier than ever between them and she guessed it was because he wasn't hiding a big plot to take advantage of her this time around – well she was pretty sure he wasn't.

Even outside of their sessions they'd confer in classes (well the ones without her friends). Hermione had to catch herself earlier that day in Potions. She'd almost turned around to ask Draco if he'd recommend stirring the growth potion they were making counterclockwise or clockwise when she remembered she was sitting next to Ginny who would have had a field day with that interaction.

Now they were in Harry's DADA class practicing dueling in pairs. Draco asked her last week if Harry knew about the Elder Wand and was relieved to find out he didn't. It turned out that's why Draco had been avoiding Harry's sessions this year.

Ginny and Hermione were taking a break and watching the rest of the dueling pairs, both witches recovering from curses that were landed by the other.

They watched Harry dueling Draco, since no one else wanted to be paired with the Slytherin. Hermione wondered if it's because he was an outcast or if the other students were afraid to fight an actual Death Eater.

She watched them exchange silent spells for a minute until Harry eventually landed a disarming spell. He held the wand out to Draco who snapped it back then started right on dueling. Harry jumped out of the way then shot a stunner at Draco, who ducked just in time.

Then Draco fired a new spell which Harry shielded, then Draco dove and managed to get a purple jet around Harry's shield charm which just grazed Harry's shoulder. Draco was about to aim another one when Harry landed another silent _Expelliarmus_.

Draco shook his head and when he went to get his wand from Harry, Harry said, "You obviously don't need this, we can stop. I need to walk around anyway. Then he looked up and saw Ginny and Hermione watching them and motioned toward them,"Go work with Ginny and Hermione."

Draco walked over to the girls looking angry, and Ginny teased, "What's it like being second to Harry again?"

Hermione thought the taunt was unfair since Harry was training to be an Auror and Draco kept up surprisingly well against him. But she remained silent.

Draco scowled at Ginny, "I'm sure you're familiar with the feeling, always second to your brother when it comes to competing for Potter's affections."

She shot him the finger then looked at Hermione, waiting for her to chime in. Hermione threw her hands up, "Leave me out of this."

They each took turns dueling. Hermione managed to disarm Draco at first, but the next round he stunned her almost immediately. Both he and Ginny won one round, then Hermione and Ginny dueled a few times.

After that Harry called the class back together to go over some more tips, then he called for each pair to duel in front of the group so he could critique them for the class. Harry and Draco started off.

Harry shot a stunner which Draco quickly parried, then Draco feigned left then shot off two spells to his right, which Harry barely blocked.

Harry dove forward to avoid the second spell of Draco's that turned around the shield then managed to get a spell that hit Draco in the shoulder, knocking him to the ground. Harry rose triumphant, then Draco kicked his legs from under him and grabbed his wand. Which had fallen when Harry hit the ground. The crowd booed and a few people yelled, "Cheater!"

"Hey, remember," Harry raised his voice as he stood back up and the crowd stopped talking, "There are no rules when dueling, so Malfoy couldn't have cheated." He walked to Draco and held out his hand for his wand, which Draco slowly gave up. Then he offered Draco his other hand to help him get up, but Draco refused it and got to his feet on his own.

Harry ignored the slight, "Malfoy has demonstrated a great point, which is whether you get the wand by grabbing it or using a spell, it doesn't matter in the end."

"I believe it was you who taught me that Potter," Malfoy muttered at Harry, clearly referring to the time at the Manor when Harry had won Malfoy's wand by wrestling it out of his hands. Harry was surprised by the lightness in his tone, then couldn't help but smirk.

Malfoy was different, much different than the last class he'd attended when he'd barely paid attention and wasted the time making fun of people with Blaise Zabini.

Harry turned back to the class, "Who's next?"

A few more pairs went but occasionally the duels were boring and slow. When two Hufflepuff sixth year boys fought it seemed to take ages for each wizard to work up the nerve to cast a spell. When one did his partner would easily dodge or block it since everyone had seen the attack coming for about five minutes.

During this duel most of the class was chatting, although Harry was dutifully watching, throwing out tips when he could, which were mostly ignored. Hermione caught Ginny playfully grab his butt, and he turned and gave her a mock stern look before dragging his gaze back to the duel.

"I may be completely wrong here," Draco whispered to Hermione, "But I think – I think your friend might be sleeping with the professor."

Hermione laughed out loud at that, then watched Harry look around then grab Ginny back in retaliation, she loved seeing her friend so happy.

"Gotta admit," Draco continued, "It's pretty creepy how you're watching them."

"You're watching too!" she countered.

"I'm a pervert. At least, that's what you're always telling me." She nodded at him, "Well now we know you're one too."

"Am not," she glared, "I just like seeing him happy. It's been a really long time coming; he deserves this."

"So you're not jealous?" Draco asked abruptly, and Hermione wondered if he'd been trying to catch her off guard with the sudden question.

"Oh God no, that would just be weird. Why?"

"I just remember, that you loved him a lot, from, you know," Draco's voice trailed off. Hermione knew he was referring to their Occlumency lessons. They both tried to avoid mentioning them directly.

"Not like that," Hermione said quickly, and she saw that Draco seemed to be cataloging the information away for later use.

He was silent then and they both watched Harry and Ginny flirt, then Draco grunted and turned back to face the Hufflepuffs. "Which of these idiots would be killed first in a real battle?" he asked, motioning toward the lame duel in front of them.

She just shook her head and smirked, then wondered when she'd started smirking so much. Draco's Slytherin-ness was rubbing off on her. Yikes.

* * *

Across the room Harry's eye was drawn toward Malfoy and Hermione. Malfoy had just leaned in to whisper to Hermione and Harry expected her to roll her eyes or retort, but instead she smirked, then leaned into him and whispered something back.

Malfoy responded and she threw him one of her play-punches, but he caught her fist before she hit him. He must have been expecting it, meaning she'd hit him like that before.

"They're pretty friendly, aren't they?" Harry whispered to Ginny, who was watching the same pair next to him.

"I've been trying to tell you this for months!" she said, exasperated.

"Yeah, well hearing about it and seeing it are different. She said they were just study partners. And I thought their Arithmancy assignment was over," he watched Hermione shove Malfoy, who shoved her back, making her lose her balance. Then he caught her arm before she actually fell over. Hermione didn't seem upset or alarmed by the physical contact.

"It was. But they came up with some other excuse to keep studying. I don't think she realizes what's going on between them." Ginny said.

"What _is_ going on between them?" Harry asked, alarmed.

"I don't know, but it's not good," Ginny muttered.

Harry agreed, "I'll talk to her."

"Well hopefully you'll have better luck than me. If she listens to anyone it will be you. I'll go break it up for now," Ginny left Harry's side and he saw her butt into their conversation. Malfoy shot her an annoyed look then turned away while Ginny and Hermione kept talking.

Harry drew his gaze back to the duelers, then sighed, "Ok guys, let's move on to the next pair. Who's up?"

* * *

Draco and Blaise were walking back to the Slytherin common room after dinner Thursday night. They were talking through plans for their Quidditch practice the next evening, which would be the last one before their match against Ravenclaw Saturday. When they entered through the stone door a younger boy called Blaise into the common room.

Draco gave Blaise a quick wave of dismissal, they could finish discussing their plans for practice later. Draco wasn't in the mood to hang out in the loud common room right now. He turned right toward the stairs leading to his dormitory.

Draco had just put his bag down on the floor and was stretching his arms above his head when Blaise stormed in, yelling, "Wait!"

"What?" Draco looked around in alarm and noticed the younger boy who had called to Blaise was standing behind him in the doorway, looking nervous.

"Ferguson here said a group of Ravenclaw prefects came through the dormitories while we were at dinner," Blaise motioned to the boy behind him.

"They came in here too?" Draco asked the boy, who nodded quickly then added, "They went through all of the rooms, saying they were looking for more alcohol and drugs. But they spent most of their time in here."

"Was Goldstein with them?" Draco asked, trying to remember if he'd seen him at dinner. But he couldn't recall, since he typically tried to avoid looking at the Ravenclaw table.

"No," the boy said quickly and Blaise gave Draco a knowing look. This was even more suspicious. Blaise thanked the boy and waved him away, closing the door before speaking again.

"Well should we have a look around?"

Draco shrugged, but started carefully inspecting his bed and nightstand.

"Do you think we're being paranoid?" he asked Blaise as he looked for anything out of place in his nightstand drawers.

"After what happened at the last match, no," Blaise responded. "And everyone knows how well we've been flying, I wouldn't put it past them to try and take you out again."

He went to join Draco as they searched his entire area of the room, but didn't find anything out of place in his nightstand, bed, or trunk. They'd almost given up completely when Draco said, "Maybe they wouldn't target _me_ again."

Blaise's eyes widened, "You think they'd come after me?"

"Well Jones and I have already been attacked. And it's not a secret that you lead the Chasers. It'd be a big blow to the team if they got you out of the way."

"Aww, thanks Draco. I didn't know you cared."

"Yeah, whatever, let's just check your stuff." But they didn't find anything out of place on Blaise's side of the room either. Draco grabbed his wand and checked for traces of magic and found nothing. Maybe it really had just been a raid, or they'd just meant to spook them. _Mission accomplished._

Blaise sat on his bed and a puff of powder floated into the air, illuminated in a ray of light coming from the lamps. Draco almost passed it off as dust, but then remembered that dust didn't glitter like that.

"Get up," he said quickly, and Blaise looked at him curiously, but complied.

Draco crept to the source of the dust and saw tiny glittering specs spread across Blaise's pillow. He did a quick spell to collect the dust into a small vial and inspected it.

"Do you know what it is?" Blaise asked, looking over Draco's shoulder.

"No, I'm guessing not good. Maybe something harmful to inhale. But I doubt they'd want to inflict serious injury, just make you sick or something."

"So kind of them," Blaise said sarcastically.

They both checked the rest of the beds, but there was nothing on Draco's or Jones' pillows. So he'd been right about them targeting Blaise.

"Should we turn them in?" Blaise asked Draco.

"No."

Blaise grinned, "So we retaliate?"

"No."

Blaise's grin disappeared, "You're no fun."

"Let's just win," Draco said in a determined voice. "And I'll put a charm on the door so we can tell when anyone besides me, you, or Jones enters," he raised his wand to start the spell, then added, "So that means no girls in here until after the game."

Blaise shrugged, "I mostly take them to the prefect bathroom anyway."

"Where specifically?" Draco asked, considering which wards to place on the door, "So I can avoid that section next time I'm in there."

"All over mate."

Draco shook his head, ready to start the spell, then he dropped his wand and looked back at the vial of powder Blaise had in his hand, an idea forming in his mind. "Are any of your slags in Ravenclaw?"

Draco smiled when Blaise nodded back at him.

* * *

The day of the Slytherin versus Ravenclaw match started with a drizzle. Hermione sighed when she saw the gloomy sky reflected in the ceiling of the Great Hall during breakfast and wondered if she could get out of attending the game with Ginny.

She was about to ask when Ginny leaned over and said, "Harry's coming today."

"Why? He only comes for Gryffindor matches," Hermione asked while pouring milk into her cereal.

"He wants to talk to you," Ginny said simply, and Hermione put down the spoonful of cereal she'd been about to eat.

"About what?"

Ginny cocked her head toward the other side of the Great Hall and said, "It's more a question of who."

Hermione rolled her eyes and said in a low voice, "Draco again?"

"So he's Draco now?" Ginny smirked as she spread some jam on her toast.

"Shut up. What does Harry want to talk about?"

Ginny responded glibly, "The obvious flirting he observed in his DADA class," before taking a bite of her toast.

"What?" Hermione glowered at Ginny. "I already told you it's not like that."

Ginny put her toast down, then turned toward Hermione on the bench, "Well what you're saying and how you're acting don't match. And more upsetting than Harry noticing is that I didn't! It took him pointing it out to me for me to spot it. It's been what? Just three weeks since your reunion and I've already gotten used to the two of you."

"You're seeing things," Hermione shook her head dismissively and finally took a bite of her cereal.

Ginny pressed on, "No, you think I don't notice when you guys smirk at each other when someone asks a dumb question in class? Or in Potions one of you will go to the stores and drop a missing ingredient on the other's desk. I even saw him using one of your quills yesterday!" Hermione was blushing now, but didn't respond, partly because she had nothing to say and partly because her mouth was full.

"You two are more than friends," Ginny continued, "And I know you used to like him so Harry's fear that there's something more between you two is not completely outside the realm of possibility."

"Shh-" Hermione said, looking around anxiously to make sure no one was listening to them.

"We're friends," Hermione stated, "but that really is all. There is no flirting, it's just alarming seeing us friendly since we've spent so many years hating each other, so it looks like more."

Ginny looked like she wasn't convinced, then grabbed the necklace that was hiding under Hermione's jumper. "Is that why you continue to wear this every day without fail?"

Hermione pushed it back into her shirt, shaking her head, "You're the one who told me to keep it."

"Yeah, keep it, not wear it next to your heart every day."

"You're just being ridiculous now," Hermione turned back to her bowl of cereal.

But Ginny wasn't going to be dismissed so easily, "Just tell me this Hermione, who are you rooting for today? Ravenclaw or Slytherin?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at her friend, "You know I only root for Gryffindor."

Ginny waved away her words, "Yeah, yeah, but come on, who would you prefer to win this match?"

Hermione blushed and Ginny nodded triumphantly, "That's what I thought."

Maybe Hermione was leaning slightly toward Slytherin today. But it wasn't because she liked Draco, she just thought he could use a win. Especially since his disastrous fall in the last match. And he'd be easier to deal with tomorrow if he was in a good mood.

"If you were truly rooting for Gryffindor, you'd want Ravenclaw to win. It'd be better for our standings," Ginny pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Good to know, I'll root for them today."

"Really?"

"Yes. Because there is nothing more than a very mild friendship between me and _Malfoy."_ Hermione was sure to use his last name this time.

Ginny shook her head, "Well hopefully for you Harry believes that lie, because I definitely don't," Ginny took another bite of her toast.

Hermione looked over at Draco who was sitting at the Slytherin table with his back to her. Was there more than friendship between them?

_No! Absolutely not!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! They're finally reunited. Please let me know what you think of the chapter and/or story so far. Thanks for sticking with it.


	18. Extra-Omnioculars

**Chapter 18 – Extra-Omnioculars**

When it was finally time for the Slytherin versus Ravenclaw Quidditch match the drizzle from the morning had turned into a downpour. The stands were half full and Hermione and Ginny were huddled under a shared water repellent charm when Harry appeared behind them, folding them into a large hug before taking the seat next to Ginny.

Harry cast a second water repellent charm over his head and Ginny leaned away from Hermione's and into his instead and Hermione missed the warmth, then cast a quick warming charm on herself to replace it.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked Harry pointedly, "Gryffindor isn't even playing."

Ginny rolled her eyes at Hermione's feigned confusion but Harry didn't notice. He just shrugged and responded, "I know, but I didn't have anything else to do, so I thought I'd stop by." He gave Ginny a knowing look, and then it was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes.

Luna appeared at her side then with her giant eagle hat and Hermione jumped when she saw her, then reminded herself that it wasn't an actual live eagle on Luna's head, though it did look like it.

"Hi Harry," Luna said in her breezy voice and he gave her a quick wave, smiling widely at the sight of the hat.

"Is Ron not with you today?" Luna asked Harry, glancing at Hermione quickly before looking back at Harry for his response.

"No," Harry's face fell a little, "He's been helping George and Angelina in the joke shop most weekends. He said hello," he added, looking at Hermione.

Hermione was disappointed. Ron had never seemed very interested in the joke shop before, but now it was like an obsession, he was always over there, even the few times she visited London.

She wondered if maybe he was just using it as an excuse to avoid her. Then she felt bad. He was probably trying to connect with George and pay homage to Fred, she shouldn't be so judgmental, she just missed him. "Right," Hermione said awkwardly.

They all turned their attention to the game then, which was starting.

The match was over within an hour, which was a relief since it was nearly impossible to keep up with what was happening with all of the rain. Slytherin scored eight goals while Ravenclaw scored four, then Draco caught the snitch easily. Hermione wondered how he could possibly see it in this weather.

"Fuck!" Hermione looked to the source of the obscenity and saw Anthony and Terry looking extremely upset by the loss. They were both glaring back at the field and she followed their gaze to find Draco staring right at them. He did a loop in the air and then threw them the finger.

Hermione sighed and hoped there wouldn't be any joint Arithmancy class assignments again soon. She continued to watch Draco dismount as his team started to surround him. Zabini reached him first and clapped his back, then Astoria flung her arms around his neck. Draco patted her back a few times, then pulled out of her grasp to shake hands with the rest of his team mates.

Hermione couldn't help but feel happy for him. Draco did need this win, he really had had a dreadful year. And as far as she could tell with her limited Quidditch knowledge, the Slytherins had deserved it. It didn't look like they'd played dirty, Madam Hooch had barely blown her whistle.

But maybe they had been fouling and no one could see it in the rain. She considered asking Harry and Ginny about it, but changed her mind. She knew suddenly being interested in Quidditch would seem odd, and she didn't want to explain the reason behind her interest.

Both teams were filing into their respective locker rooms and the stands were emptying quickly since the rest of the students were eager to get back into the dry, warm castle.

Hermione was planning to stay until everyone was safely back in the castle. When she, Ginny, Harry, and Luna reached the entrance to the Quidditch pitch, she stopped to hang back.

Ginny went along with Luna while Harry stayed with Hermione, "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something," he said.

She was watching the students filing out of the pitch, so far no fights, but she knew they were most likely to break out when the Slytherin team finally left the locker room. She was determined not to have a repeat of Draco getting beat up, which had happened at the last two games he'd attended.

"Okay," Hermione said, "But I need to patrol until everyone leaves. Meet you back in my room?"

Harry nodded, then walked with a few older Hufflepuffs back to the castle. Hermione ended up standing there for 30 minutes before the Slytherin team finally emerged from the locker room.

Draco was the last one to leave, and she wondered if he'd waited to be the last one out on purpose. She slunk back against the wall when she saw him coming, hoping to stay unnoticed in the rain and suddenly embarrassed she'd stayed behind to protect him.

"I can see you Granger," Draco after he was a few feet down the path toward the school. Of course he could. If he could see a snitch in this weather he'd certainly be able to see a person.

"I wasn't hiding," Hermione lied. Draco stopped to give her time to catch up to him, then started walking again when she was at his side.

"Are you guarding me?" he teased.

"Well someone needs to, you don't have your bodyguards anymore." She stopped talking suddenly, remembering that one of his bodyguards was dead and the other was in jail, "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean-"

He laughed, "Relax Granger. It's fine," he gave her a big smile, obviously in a great mood from the win. She liked seeing him smiling, it was rare.

They joked as they made their way back to the dungeons and she found his good mood infectious. When they reached the portrait outside her room she said in a stern voice, "No drugs or sexual assault at the party tonight, please," she pointed her finger at him for emphasis.

He shook his head. "You are crazy if you think I can control Zabini," but he winked, then left her alone in the hall.

Hermione was grateful to not be on patrol tonight. But whoever was on duty should be fine. All of the prefects knew about the last party and knew to patrol in pairs, especially in the dungeons. She said her password and walked into her room to find Harry on the couch, looking back at her with a serious expression.

"Was that Malfoy?" he asked. He must have heard their voices outside the portrait.

"Yes," Hermione responded warily, "He was the last one out of the stadium; we walked back together."

"So he knows you live here?" Harry stood then and she could tell he was getting angry.

"He's known for ages, I think Pansy lived here last year." She tried to keep her voice calm, but she was feeling defensive. "But it doesn't matter, I'm moving in a few weeks, remember? They are almost finished restoring the rooms in the tower."

"What is going on with you two?"

Hermione sighed. So he was getting right to it. She tried to play dumb, "Me and Malfoy?"

"Obviously," he was annoyed.

"Nothing. We already talked about this, we're just study partners."

"No, you're more than that now. I saw you two in class and I just heard you, laughing and joking. You're…friends." Harry looked at Hermione like he wanted her to contradict him, but she couldn't. She shrugged. Yeah, they were friends. So what?

"He's different," she said, crossing her arms.

Harry sighed deeply, then looked away from her, suddenly interested in the fire. "When we talked last term you were considering forgiving him. For calling you Mudblood, tormenting you, all of it." He looked back at her then, his green eyes piercing into hers, "Have you?"

Hermione had forgiven Draco for all of that ages ago, in that Occlumency lesson when he'd asked for her forgiveness. And she'd forgiven him for even more than Harry knew, using her last term, stealing the Elder wand, attacking Harry.

Hermione sighed then. If there was ever a time to confess what she knew to Harry, now was it. But something stopped her. She felt like she wasn't ready to give Draco up. And she knew that after she told Harry, her pseudo-friendship with the Slytherin would be over. And for whatever reason, she didn't want that, not yet.

"I did," she finally said. "He actually apologized to me, and I accepted."

Harry looked shocked, "He apologized!?"

"I told you he was different," she walked closer to Harry then, and added, "I know it's weird. But I've been working with him for months. And I guess we just gradually got used to each other. You haven't had the same experience with him, so I'm not surprised you find it all so alarming."

Harry pulled his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes, then looked back at her with a teasing look, "Why do you have to be so nice to everyone Hermione? Are you going to start a new club now? Society for the protection of ex-Death Eaters? SPEDE?"

She shoved him and he laughed, then she joined him. At least he wasn't mad at her anymore. After they laughed for a few minutes, his tone grew serious again when he asked, "What about Ron?"

Hermione looked back at him confused, "What about Ron?"

"I mean, if he knew you were friends with Malfoy, he'd lose it. I understand where you're coming from. Sort of. But he won't be able to let it go. And I know you're already worried about the distance between the two of you, I don't think this will help."

Hermione considered this. Harry was right, but she hadn't thought at all about Ron's reaction. He would be very upset, and might take it out on her. But how would he find out?

"Who would tell him?" she said sharply, "You? Ginny?"

Harry shook his head quickly and put his hands on her shoulders. "Of course not, I want you and Ron together more than anyone. I just – I mean you're very well-known, and you being friends with Malfoy is big gossip. It could reach him."

Hermione dipped her head. Harry was right again. She hadn't realized how obvious she was being, but Harry had picked up on her friendship with Malfoy from just one class. They studied together out in the open multiple times a week and talked pretty often outside of those sessions. She wouldn't put it past someone to mention it outside of school, and Ron would be furious.

"You're right. I hadn't thought of that, I'll be more careful. But please just, don't tell him. And if someone else brings it up you have to stick up for me."

"Of course," Harry said, then dropped his hands from her shoulders and sat back down on the couch. She took this as a sign that the difficult conversation was over and they could relax now. She joined him on the couch.

"Speaking of Ron, you should join us at the Quidditch game between the Cannons and the Wasps next weekend," Hermione made a face, and Harry continued, "I know, I know, but Ron will be there, and a lot of Aurors I'd like you to meet. Ginny's coming too. It will be fun."

"Sure, when is it?"

"Sunday night. You probably won't get back until late, but should be fine for classes Monday."

Hermione would have to move her meeting with Draco, but there was no way she was going to give that as an excuse for not going. "Sounds great," she said.

She chatted with Harry for another two hours, then he had to go back home to meet some friends for dinner. After he left she grabbed a scrap of parchment, then scribbled,

_I need to move Sunday's session to my room. Knock when you're here and I'll let you in._

Hermione decided not to sign it, in case someone else saw the note. Then she went to the owlery to send it to Draco. She would be more careful about showcasing her friendship with Draco for everyone to see, but she wasn't ready for it to end yet.

When she got back to her room, she pulled out the necklace she was always careful to hide under her clothes. _It's not forgetting that heals, but remembering._ She hadn't forgotten what Draco had done, or how he'd treated her and her friends. Just like she hadn't forgotten her friends who had died fighting against his side.

But she thought, maybe, that if someone like Draco, who was the epitome of pureblood supremacy, could embrace a friendship with a muggle-born and try to atone for his sins, well she couldn't ignore that. This was what they had all fought for, and she didn't want the lives lost to be in vain.

Maybe Hermione was placing too much importance on Draco, maybe he was just lonely and using her to get ahead in school. But she had a feeling there was more there. He had designed this necklace. How could someone evil think up something so beautiful? There was more to Draco Malfoy than everyone thought, and she wanted to find out what it was.

* * *

Draco stormed into the room as soon as Granger opened the door, then looked around quickly. It was laid out the same as Pansy's room last year, but besides that it was completely different.

The furniture looked a lot cozier, the fire was bright, and there were books everywhere. Not in a messy way, but they were in neat stacks all around the room. They were piled on the fireplace mantle, on the coffee table and side tables, and crammed into two bookshelves on the wall.

Draco looked back at Granger, who was sitting in the doorway with her arms crossed watching him.

"Why here?" he asked her roughly.

She just shrugged. He hated when she did that and thought maybe she'd picked up the habit from him.

"It's just more convenient since it's closer to where we both live." She sat on the couch and he saw she'd spread her parchment and books out on the table the exact way she did when they were in the library.

"Until we need to check a book in the library, then it's not very convenient at all, is it?"

Granger didn't answer and shrugged again.

"Tell me the real reason," Draco demanded.

She sighed, then looked up at him, "What do you want me to say Malfoy?"

"Just admit that you're ashamed to be seen around with me. That you're just like the rest of those idiots," he motioned toward her door, "and think I'm nothing more than a failed ex-Death Eater."

Granger looked back at him with a guilty expression, then dipped her head. He let out a breath, surprised that he cared so much about this. But he'd thought she was different.

"Aren't you Gryffindors meant to be brave?" he goaded. "And you, I thought you never cared what anyone thought of you. That's how you always acted at least-"

"Of course I care what people think!" she snapped back, then stood up and approached him. "I am human after all. But you know that, you've-" she stopped, and he knew what she'd been about to say. _You've been in my mind._ And he did know. He'd felt the shame and disappointment behind each of his taunts that outwardly she'd pretended didn't affect her.

Draco had hit a nerve with her, and it wasn't worth arguing over anymore since he obviously didn't have a choice in the matter.

"Look," Granger said eventually, "I'm sorry." He raised his eyebrows, surprised by the apology. "It's just easier, for both of us, if we meet in here from now on."

He nodded, then took the seat next to hers on the couch and started emptying his bag. "It's fine Granger, let's just finish that Runes assignment."

When it was time to leave, Draco stood up from the couch and stretched, then bent to grab his bag. When he went to pick it up though, he saw there was a cat half in it, then dropped it in surprise. "What the hell?"

Granger came to look, then laughed when she saw the cat, "Get out of there Crooks," she picked up the largest, ugliest cat Draco had ever seen and hugged it to her chest. He wondered how she could be so affectionate with something so hideous, then he remembered the memory of her snogging Weasley and it made a little more sense. Draco looked back at the cat with disgust as he packed the rest of his bag, then said, "That thing is revolting Granger."

She pretended to cover the cat's ears, then said. "This is Crookshanks. And he is handsome and smart. And a great judge of character too." She held the cat out toward Draco and he leaned away.

"What do you think Crooks?" she asked the cat, and the cat gave Draco an indifferent look, then jumped out of Granger's arms and retreated to her bedroom. Draco raised his eyebrow at Granger, waiting to hear the verdict.

"I'm not sure what that means," she admitted, then laughed at Draco's expression.

He shook his head and walked to the door.

"Oh, I meant to tell you, I can't make our session next Sunday. Can we move the time? Maybe Friday or Saturday instead?"

"I have Quidditch Friday and I was planning to be home Saturday night," Draco responded.

Granger pulled out her planner then asked, "Monday? We both have a free period between Arithmancy and Runes."

"Sure," Draco answered, then asked, "So you actually have plans?" He'd meant for it to come out rudely, but she didn't seem phased by the question.

"Yeah I'm going to a Quidditch game, Cannons and Wisps I think."

"You mean the Wimbourne Wasps?" he said. In his opinion someone who called them the Wisps should not be allowed to watch them play.

"Uh, I think so."

"You're useless Granger. Well the _Wasps,_ " he enunciated their name, "are the best team in the league. That should be a good game, so try to keep your head out of a book during it."

She rolled her eyes before opening the door for him to leave. "Bye Malfoy, and uh- thanks for agreeing to meet in here."

He shrugged, then said "I'm not sure I had much of a choice in it," but at her hurt expression he added, "But it's fine. Bye."

* * *

Draco was standing with his back pressed hard against the wall when Blaise's Ravenclaw friend knocked on the portrait of the battle scene. She didn't seem to notice Draco standing just feet away from her and was looking around nervously. That was a good sign, his Disillusionment charm must be holding up well.

Draco heard Goldstein's voice ask, "Gina? What's wrong?"

"A group of Slytherins broke into our tower. I was sent to tell you," the girl responded in a rush.

Goldstein swore, then ducked back in his room, maybe to grab his wand, Draco guessed, before he was back out in the hall. The girl pulled him toward the stairs and Draco managed to wedge his foot into the door before it slammed shut.

He waited for a few seconds to make sure Goldstein wouldn't come back before he entered the common room.

Draco went straight for the bedroom and emptied the glittery contents of a small glass vial onto Goldstein's pillow. He cast a Disillusionment on the powder and was pleased with the result, hoping it would hold up until Goldstein went to bed that night.

He exited then and went straight back to the common room where Blaise was waiting, "Well?"

"Powder is in place. How was the fake raid?"

"Ferguson dropped a vial of glitter in the hall outside one of the rooms, so they'll probably assume we were on our way to put it on one of their beds."

Draco nodded, smiling inwardly.

"Can't wait to see what that stuff does."

"Yeah, hopefully we won't have to wait long."

In double Transfiguration the next morning Draco noticed Anthony wasn't in class immediately and motioned toward his empty seat after catching Blaise's attention. The two boys almost ran to the hospital wing as soon as class let out, and sure enough, there was an occupied bed with the curtains drawn.

Blaise looked around for Madame Pomfrey, who appeared to be out, then approached the bed and pulled back the curtain. They both burst out laughing at the sight of Goldstein.

He was covered from head to toe in translucent bubbles, each about the size of a sickle. It looked like he'd gotten into a fight with a bubble bath. The effect was so bizarre and Draco knew at once that it must be some Weasley joke shop product. He watched Blaise reach out to try to pop a bubble, but it stayed intact and bounced back when he pulled his finger away.

"Oh, he's floating, I hadn't noticed!" Blaise added and Draco started laughing over again when he saw that Goldstein was hovering a few inches above the mattress. There was rope tying his arms and legs down to the frame of the hospital bed.

Goldstein looked back at them livid, but didn't respond as they took in his condition. This would have been a disaster had they managed to do this to Blaise since there was no way he'd have been able to fly in this condition.

"Are you done?" Goldstein asked after a time.

Draco asked, genuinely curious, "Obviously this is some joke shop product that must have come with an antidote, so why not use it?"

Goldstein didn't respond, then Blaise asked, "You tossed it, didn't you? So we wouldn't be able to find it or get a teacher to demand that you give it to us."

Goldstein just gave them a curt nod and Blaise started laughing again.

"We've sent for another box and it will be here tonight," Goldstein added.

Draco laughed again, this really was perfect. Goldstein couldn't tell on them because it had been his own prank gone wrong. And it was made better by that fact that he and Blaise hadn't used it to win at Quidditch like the Ravenclots had tried to. When Draco was finally finished laughing he said, "I didn't think my mood could get any better after defeating your house in Quidditch, but I was wrong. Thanks Goldstein. This is just, brilliant. I'll remember this whenever I'm having a rough day."

"Just like I'll always remember you as a ferret Malfoy," Goldstein bit back.

Draco shrugged in response, being turned into a floating human bubble bath was much worse than being transfigured into a ferret, and they both knew it.

* * *

Hermione and Ginny were roaming around the booths just outside the Quidditch pitch looking at the items for sale. They'd both already picked up belated birthday gifts for Ron. That was easy since he still loved the Cannons.

Hermione got him a Cannon themed chess set with Quidditch players and objects in place of the regular chess pieces and Ginny bought him a Cannon-orange bag for his broom.

Now Ginny was scouring the stands looking for a gift for George's birthday in a few weeks and Hermione was discreetly looking for a souvenir for Draco.

She still felt a little guilty moving their sessions to her room after it was obvious it had hurt his feelings. She hoped to make it up to him by getting him something here and she recalled him mentioning he liked the Wasps.

But Draco was not as easy to shop for as Ron. He would never wear tacky clothing and wouldn't be impressed by novelty items like the chess set or figurines of the players.

Then Hermione spotted the perfect gift at a booth filled with items of all shapes and colors that looked like binoculars. She recognized them from the Quidditch World Cup as omnioculars, recalling that Harry had purchased pairs for her and Ron.

On a high shelf away from the rest was a row of about ten, extra-large, silver omnioculars with a sign that read _Extra-Omnioculars – Watch your favorite team's entire Quidditch season!_

A pair of those would be perfect for Draco. She could get him a pair for the Wasps, then he could watch all of their Quidditch games for the year. Hermione had wondered why Draco didn't attend professional Quidditch games since he seemed to love the sport and could clearly afford tickets, then she realized the answer was obvious. There would be a riot if a well-known Death Eater showed up in a public place like this.

Hermione glanced over at Ginny to make sure she was occupied, then inquired on the price of the Extra-Omnioculars. "Thirty galleons," the tall, thin wizard behind the booth said lazily, like he didn't expect her to actually buy them.

She hesitated, then remembered the necklace Draco had given her, which easily costs a hundred times that amount, and she thought of how sad and lonely he'd been all year before reaching into her robes and handing over the money. The wizard looked a little surprised, then asked, "And what team would you like?"

"The Wasps," Hermione said quickly, and she slipped the extra-omnioculars into her robes just before Ginny came up on her right side.

"Wicked," Ginny said, picking up a red pair in front of her that seemed to focus specifically on Chaser plays. Hermione looked down and saw there were different versions for each position.

"Are you going to buy one of these?" Ginny asked Hermione, looking at her suspiciously.

"Oh, no," Hermione brushed her off, "I was wondering about the magic behind them. It's kind of fascinating, really."

Ginny rolled her eyes then pulled Hermione toward the pitch. "We should go. We still have about an hour until the game starts, but Harry and the Aurors all pitched in and got a box and he said they'd be serving dinner in there."

Ginny whipped her head around, scanning the crowd, "I don't see Harry, but maybe he's already up there."

The girls walked up a long way to the box and found Harry with six other Aurors inside. Four of them Hermione knew from the war and two of them were new to her. Harry introduced Hermione and Ginny to the new Aurors who Hermione learned were in training with him and Ron, then the group congregated around the food and everyone began to fill their plates.

"So you're still attending Hogwarts?" one of the new Aurors, John, asked Hermione.

"Oh, yeah," Hermione explained, "I'm in Harry's year, so I could have graduated, but I wanted to finish my N.E.W.T.s."

John shook his head playfully, "I can't believe you're doing those willingly. If I could have skipped them like Harry and Ron I would have."

Hermione was about to ask if he'd attended Hogwarts when Ron walked in. She made to wave, then dropped her hand when she saw that he'd arrived with a pretty blonde witch and his arm was around her waist. Hermione felt her mouth go dry and her stomach drop.

"Are you okay?" John asked, noticing the change in Hermione's demeanor. He looked back at the door to see what she'd been staring at. She blurted out, "Oh, I have to use the loo. I'll be right back."

She put down her untouched plate of food and rushed out the door, ignoring Ron's awkward greeting.

Harry's eyes widened in horror as he watched the whole scene. He approached Ron and grabbed his arm roughly and pulled him to the side of the box so they were out of the ear-shot from the rest of the group. Ron shot his date an apologetic glance, then started in defensively, "I didn't know Hermione was coming!" He pulled his arm out of Harry's firm grasp.

"I meant to tell you I'd invited her but it slipped my mind," Harry whispered angrily. "But in my defense, I didn't know you were bringing a date! Hermione is probably so hurt," He motioned out the door where Hermione had run off.

"Yeah, I saw her," Ron shook his head, then crossed his arms. "Bollocks, she's going to be so mad at me."

"You know she still likes you, I thought you liked her!"

"I do – I just, it's Hermione. That relationship would be so serious. I'm not ready for that."

"I don't care, I don't need the explanation." Harry pointed toward the door, "She does. You need to talk to her." Ginny was watching them and giving Ron a very angry stare.

Ron looked like talking to Hermione was the last thing he wanted to do, but he nodded.

Harry wanted to tell him that Hermione was friends with Malfoy and if he wasn't careful, he'd drive her closer to that awful bloke. But he couldn't give up Hermione's secret, instead he said, "She's been struggling this year because she feels distant from us, then I invite her here to hang out and you show up with a date. You need to clear this up, because if this turns into another row between the two of you, I'm taking her side."

Ron cowered, not able to remember a time Harry had been so direct with him, then sighed and went to look for Hermione.

She wasn't hard to find, she was leaning against the railing just outside their box, watching the stands fill up below her.

"Hi," he said awkwardly, and she didn't respond. He looked at her face and it was sad. Shit. He was such an arse.

"I'm sorry," he said and she looked back at him confused, then asked weakly, "For what?"

He stared into her sad brown eyes and sighed, then dropped his head so he wouldn't have to look right at her, "For bringing a date. It's nothing serious."

She nodded, then said, "I love you Ron. Do you love me?"

He lifted his head up to look back at her and considered the question. She was so beautiful, and smart, and perfect really, how could he not love her?

But she was Hermione. She was serious and purposeful. He couldn't start something with her unless he was ready for the long haul. He really didn't want to screw it up. And now was not the time. Now he just needed something fun and trivial.

"I do Hermione, more than anything, you're, well, the perfect witch, really. I just-" he sighed and looked away from her hurt gaze again, "I'm still not ready."

She started to shake her head and he continued before she could respond. "And I know it seems like I am, because I'm with Clara, but I can only handle something fun and casual right now, you're not, that. You're serious. And I want that. But now, I'm still a mess. I-" He looked back at her face then which was completely crest-fallen. He really felt like shit. "Please tell me you get what I'm saying. You're so intuitive and understanding, you probably get it all better than I do."

He saw tears fall from her eyes then and he hated himself for causing them. "I do understand Ron. You don't think I'm fun."

"No, Hermione, did I say that? Shit, that's not what I meant-"

"It's fine Ron. I'm just sad. I wish we were in the same place." She looked back at the stands then and started to dab at her eyes with her fingers the way witches did when they were trying to preserve their makeup.

He would regret it for the rest of his life if he lost her now over something so stupid. But he knew he wasn't ready. He just wished she could wait, until they were in the same place, as she'd put it. But how could he possibly ask her to wait? He couldn't, she didn't deserve that.

"I wish we were in the same place too Hermione. And I'm not asking you to wait. I mean I wish you would, but…Damn, I just messed all of this up."

She leaned into him and this was just like her, comforting him when he was the one who had done wrong. "It's fine Ron, you're still my best-friend. And you can casually date witches all you want," she paused and winced a little, then continued, "It won't affect our friendship. And maybe if we can get the timing right between us we'll try something more."

"I'd like that," Ron responded honestly.

"Really?" she looked at him doubtfully and it broke his heart.

He raised a finger to wipe away a tear that had settled on the line of her jaw. "Please believe me when I say I still love you and think you're wonderful, this truly has nothing to do with you."

She nodded and he dropped his hand before asking, "Ready to go back in there?"

Hermione shook her head, "I'm going to go back to the castle, you go ahead. Tell Harry and Ginny bye for me."

She turned and he let her go, knowing that Harry and Ginny would be shooting daggers at him all night. He remembered Clara then, who was probably wondering where he had run off to, then turned back to check on her, hoping Ginny hadn't gotten to her yet.

* * *

Hermione was almost out of the pitch when she heard someone yell her name behind her.

She turned to find Ginny who gave her a huge hug, "Don't let my stupid brother scare you off. Come on, we can still have fun."

"It's fine Ginny, I really don't want to stay. I barely wanted to come in the first place," she admitted.

Ginny looked back at the stands longingly, then started to follow Hermione out, "No, you stay. Really. You love Quidditch, I don't. I can get back fine on my own."

"Are you sure?"

Hermione nodded, then watched Ginny go back up the stairs. She walked a few more paces before she was stopped by someone else.

"Hermione?" Who was it this time? Hermione turned again and saw Anthony with an older wizard who looked like his brother.

"Oh, hey," she said, trying to make her expression look happy.

Anthony gave her a dazzling smile then started in on introductions, "This is Hermione Granger, my Head Girl counterpart. And Hermione, this is my brother, Tom."

Hermione shook the older wizard's hand then remembered Anthony's brother had worked at the ministry.

"You work at the ministry, Magical Law Enforcement, right?" she asked.

The two brothers exchanged awkward glances and she realized she'd made a mistake, but wasn't sure yet what it was.

"That was Jacob, he was killed," Tom said bluntly, then continued, "He was targeted as a prime candidate for the Imperius curse since he was rather high up at the ministry, but he continued to fight it, so Lucius Malfoy killed him."

Hermione hitched her breath. Well there was the reason behind Anthony's animosity toward Draco. "I didn't know, I'm so sorry-"

"It's fine Hermione." Anthony said gently, glaring daggers at his brother. "Jacob was our oldest brother and Tom here is just a few years ahead of me. He works for a real estate firm." He seemed to be desperate to recover their uncomfortable conversation and nudged his brother, who then spoke up and mumbled, "I'll go get us some drinks."

"Yeah, see you at our seats," Anthony said back, then turned to Hermione, "Sorry, he's still recovering."

"We're all still recovering a bit, I understand," she said kindly, then her thoughts flashed back to Ron who was apparently recovering by dating pretty blonde witches.

Anthony gave her an appreciative nod, then asked teasingly, "So you _do_ leave the school?"

She shook her head in response. This had become sort of a running joke between them. "I told you I visit Harry and Ron in London, and sometimes I go to Hogsmeade."

"Only to chaperone on Hogsmeade weekends," he pointed out and she shook her head again but couldn't help smiling.

"Do you really want to know why I don't go out?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like being recognized. Having to take pictures with random strangers, signing chocolate frog cards, it's just, weird."

"Bugger, I was just going to get you to sign mine," he reached into his pocket like he had it on him.

She laughed then and pushed him away.

"What if someone could offer you a night out with a promise that you wouldn't be recognized?" he asked boldly.

Hermione looked back at him alarmed and her thoughts drifted back to Ron and the blonde witch again. Clara, he'd called her. Ugh. She responded in an equally bold tone, "Why, are you asking me out?"

Anthony kept her gaze, then asked, "Would you say yes?"

Hermione considered, then said, "I think I would."

"Great, then how about a week from today? 7pm? I'll pick you up outside your door."

Hermione was about to say she had study sessions with Draco on Sundays, then remembered those were secret. She'd just have to move it again. Draco would be upset, but when wasn't he?

"Sure," she smiled. If Ron could date for fun then so could she. She was fun, she'd show Ron.

* * *

Draco was working on his Arithmancy assignment in the Slytherin common room when Daphne sat next to him and pulled out a copy of Witch Weekly. He looked up at her, expecting her to say something, then turned back to his assignment when she didn't.

Daphne never usually approached Draco alone. She'd just begrudgingly deal with his presence if she had to in order to hang out with her sister or Blaise. Draco didn't care though, he disliked her as much as she seemed to dislike him.

He could feel her eyes on him though and wished she would get through whatever nasty thing she wanted to say to him. He looked up at her and wasn't surprised to see her watching him, then he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Don't you usually spend Sundays with Hermione Granger?" she asked lazily, and he steeled his features so she couldn't see his surprise. But then, Daphne was the kind of witch who always liked to know what was going on around her so she could use it against people at a later time. And it wasn't like him studying with Granger was a big secret on his part, just hers for some reason. He shrugged.

"Well why aren't you with her now?" Daphne continued, then added, "Lover's spat?"

He ignored the jab, and said, "She's out tonight, now if that's all you wanted to say, you can go."

"Oh, is that what she told you?"

Draco glared back at her and saw a small smirk on her face, "What are you talking about?"

"I just saw her going into her room, so I'm guessing whatever excuse she gave you is fake." Then Daphne pulled up her magazine again and started to read.

Why would Granger lie to him? She was annoying, and judgmental, and bossy, but she wasn't a liar. First she'd moved their meeting into her room to hide her interactions with him and now this? Draco was angrier than he'd expected and was determined to let Granger know that he was not some pathetic house-elf to be pushed around.

He gathered his things and left the common room and in less than two minutes was outside Granger's room knocking loudly on the portrait of the tea scene.

"Granger, I know you're fucking in there," he yelled, and he heard rustling on the other side before the portrait opened. He stepped back from the portrait when he saw Granger's sad, teary gaze on the other side.

She had clearly been crying and kind of still was, but was trying unsuccessfully to wipe her eyes. Then she turned back to her common room and sank onto the couch, leaving the door cracked open.

Draco considered closing it and returning to his room, but something made him walk inside. Granger still didn't move, she was just staring at the opposite wall. He asked, "Why aren't you at the Quidditch game?"

Granger didn't look at him and responded hollowly, "I went, but then had to leave before the game actually started."

"Shouldn't one of your friends be in here with you?" Wasn't that the point of having so many bloody friends? So they could hug her or pat her on the back when she looked like this?

"They're at the game. It's just me, all alone." She was silent, and Draco felt very uncomfortable, trying to think of a smooth way to dismiss himself. Then Granger stood up and started rummaging through the robe she'd tossed over an armchair.

She produced a set of large, silver omnioculars and walked over to Draco. "I got you these," she said, handing them to him, "They record the entire Wasp season. Even this game apparently. It should show up in there by the end of tonight."

Draco grabbed them from her, completely surprised and at a loss of what to say. Why had she gotten these for him? They must have been expensive, and why was she so damned sad? And where the fuck were her friends?

"Fascinating use of the Protean Charm," Granger continued in a distant voice, "We didn't consider that one when we did our Charms assignment last term."

He just nodded, then asked, "Are you okay Granger?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be? My friends are all moving on without me while I'm here worrying about N.E.W.T.s and prefect rounds and coaching third-years on the best acne-removal charms. So yes, Malfoy, I think I'm doing just fine." She glared at him, and he stepped back. Then she seemed to finally take in the fact that he was in her room and asked, "What are you doing here?"

Draco didn't know how to respond. His original reason for coming here was obviously misinformed. Fucking Daphne.

Granger continued talking when she saw that he wasn't going to respond, "I mean I'm not surprised. Of course _you're_ here. I'm at one of the lowest points I've been since the war ended so who would show up at my door but the one person who could make me feel worse? Draco Malfoy." She shook her head and plopped back on the couch and Draco decided this was as good a time as any to leave.

"That's my cue. I'll leave you to" he looked around and motioned toward her, "this then. Thanks for these," then he rushed back to his room as fast as he could, eager to leave that depressing witch behind.

He spotted Daphne still alone in the same spot he'd left her then stopped by to say, "You could have told me she was fucking crying."

"Was she?" Daphne said innocently, but he saw a smirk creep onto her face.

"Fucking bitch," he muttered to himself and he went to his dormitory. He had no idea how Astoria had come from the same family as such an evil, vindictive, witch.

When he got to his room, it was empty. Blaise and Jones were always together now that Jones was of age and could leave the castle on the weekends. They'd probably be back late tonight.

Draco pulled out the omnioculars and looked at them longingly, but something kept him from laying on his bed to watch all of the games he'd missed.

He went to Blaise's trunk and searched until he found a small bottle of fire whiskey transfigured into a shoe. They'd never found a good enough spot for hiding Blaise's liquor stash, so Draco had transfigured all of the bottles for Blaise instead.

He reasoned this one bottle could be considered payment for the hours of spell-work spent transfiguring an entire case of whiskey. He transfigured the shoe back into a bottle and tucked it into his robes.

As he walked back to Granger's room, Draco wondered where he'd gotten his conscience and thought about how much easier his life would be if he could have it removed somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Ron...I'm trying to keep him as close to character as possible and not make him unlikable, so hopefully that was achieved. And now bubble boy Anthony is in the picture, Hermione really is juggling quite a few men here.
> 
> Please drop me a note, I love reading your comments!


	19. Fire Whiskey

**Chapter 19 – Fire Whiskey**

When Draco knocked on Granger's door the second time it took her much longer to answer. She narrowed her eyes when she saw it was him and didn't open the door for him to enter. Draco pulled the bottle of fire whiskey from his robes and raised it up for her to see, "You need this."

She glared at him for a while longer, then shrugged and opened the door wider for him before turning back to the couch. He conjured glasses and poured two large shots, then put them on the coffee table before sitting down next to her. Draco raised his glass, then waited for Granger to grab hers. She looked at it suspiciously, but eventually picked it up.

"I don't really drink," she said, holding the glass awkwardly in her hand

"Yeah no shit, but it's not Alchemy Granger, you just pour the liquid into your mouth and swallow," he demonstrated, wincing as the whiskey burned the back of his throat. Then he nodded for her to do the same.

She did and coughed a little, but didn't spit it out. Blaise would be pleased, he hated when people wasted liquor. Draco poured them both another shot but she left hers on the table and turned to him, "Why are you here?"

"To cheer you up Granger, I thought that was obvious."

"I thought alcohol was a depressive. So wouldn't it just make me feel worse?"

Draco shook his head and took his second shot. Then he held Granger's glass up for her, "You read too much Granger."

She took it from him and drank it quickly. Then she laid back on the couch and asked, "How long until I feel better?"

Draco laid back on the couch beside her and looked up at the ceiling with her, "It's not so much a measure of time, as it is volume of alcohol consumed."

"Hmm," was all she said.

Draco jumped when her cat unexpectedly leapt onto his lap. "Shit! Get off of me you sack of fleas," he tried to push the cat off but it was attached to his pants and he didn't want to tear them.

Granger sat up and laughed, "He likes you."

"Is that meant to be a good thing?"

Granger just shrugged, then poured them each another glass. Draco skipped this one but watched her take another shot. She winced and he conjured her a glass of water and handed it to her. "You should have enough whiskey in your system by now to tell me what happened."

She took the proffered glass and Draco looked down at the cat. It wouldn't move, but he refused to pet it, so just sat there awkwardly trying not to touch it while he waited for Granger to speak.

Granger sighed, then said, "I went to the game and met up with Harry and a lot of Aurors he works with. Then Ron came and he had a date."

Draco waited for more, but that seemed to be it. "Wait, that's why you're upset? Because the Weasel is dating someone else? Sounds like you dodged a curse there."

"Ugh you're the worst. I love Ron," Draco made a disgusted face and she ignored it, "And we're supposed to end up together. The whole war got in the way, but we're meant to be together, I know it. He said he needed time to figure out Fred's death, and I was fine giving him space. But he's been weird and distant all year, and now I know why. He didn't need space away from dating. He just wanted space away from _me_."

Draco nodded, very uninterested in this conversation, but he was sort of trapped here. He thought if he tried to leave the cat wouldn't let him.

"How would that work?" Draco asked, "You and Wealsey?" He turned his head on the couch to look at her but she kept staring at the candles in the light fixture.

"I don't know. I already love him. Then I guess he'd love me back and we'd be happy together for the rest of our lives. Probably have kids, get a house near the Burrow, go see-"

"Ugh, not that you dull romantic. I mean day to day. Like would you have to re-explain how the Floo works each morning? Be responsible for all of the magic in the house, read signs to him-"

She hit him then and the cat jumped off his lap and looked back at the two of them indignantly. "It wouldn't be like that," Granger said, then added cruelly, "I mean he can read, mostly." They both laughed then, and Draco poured her more whiskey but left his own glass alone.

"I think I'm rubbing off on you Granger," and she smirked back at him as if proving his point, then downed the next shot.

"Well it's only fair, all of the time you've been spending on lessons shows I'm definitely rubbing off on you."

Draco shrugged, that was an accurate assessment, although a little embarrassing. Oh well. He took his third shot but didn't refill his glass. Granger just giggled at him from her spot on the couch and he shook his head.

Then she asked, "Do you think I'm fun?"

He sighed and laid back on the couch, "Do you really care what I think?"

"No," she said honestly, joining him in staring at the ceiling again.

"I'm guessing Weasley told you you weren't fun?" He asked, even though he didn't care and was getting sick of talking about Weasley.

"He said he wanted to date around and have fun, but I'm too serious for that."

Draco sighed, Weasley had no tact. "Weasley is an idiot Granger."

"Yeah, you're right, I'm plenty fun. Look at me now," she gestured toward the fire whiskey then knocked her empty glass on the floor where it shattered.

"Bugger!" Granger went to grab her wand but Draco caught her, holding her back as he repaired the glass himself.

"We should probably keep you away from that," he motioned toward her wand, "while you're drunk. Don't want to blow anything up. Though that would be pretty _fun_ ," he added sarcastically.

She sneered at him but stayed seated and he let her go and settled back into the couch.

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah Granger?" Draco responded, put off by her suddenly serious tone.

"I'm sorry for wanting to hide our lessons," she pulled her legs up to her knees and wrapped her arms around them and he looked back at her a little surprised by the abrupt change in conversation.

"Are you finally going to tell me the real reason for that?" he asked.

She put her forehead on her knees and her voice was muffled when she spoke, "It was because of Ron. I didn't want him to find out about you and me being friends since I knew it would upset him."

Draco wasn't sure how he felt. Hurt that she'd put her friend ahead of him? A little, but it wasn't entirely surprising, what did he expect? He was a little relieved she wasn't completely ashamed to be seen with him. But he was also annoyed that this whole thing was about fucking Weasley. He decided too much of this night had been dedicated to the Weasel.

"Okay, it's fine Granger. Now can we talk about something besides your depressing love life? It's really killing my buzz."

Granger unwound her legs and seemed relieved that Draco was going to let this go and said, "That reminds me, I have to move our next session again. Something came up."

He was confused about what this had to do with her depressing love life, then asked, "Why?"

She blushed, "Nothing."

"Hot date Granger?"

She blushed harder and he knew he was right, "You really have a date? When did that happen in the middle of this whole Weasley drama?"

"I- none of your business Malfoy." She poured another shot and drank it down, then he moved the bottle away from her. Five was probably plenty for tonight. He refilled her water glass and looked back at her like he was seeing her for the first time.

"You don't need to act so surprised, not everyone thinks I'm repulsive and unattractive."

He cocked his head and asked, "Who thinks you're repulsive and unattractive?"

"You!"

He raised his eyebrows, genuinely surprised, "Says who?"

"Again, you!" she pointed her finger at him then, "Non-stop for six straight years."

He looked back at her then, really looked at her. She wasn't as beautiful as Astoria and Daphne, but she also wasn't ugly, definitely better looking than Pansy. Granger was attractive. Pretty even, especially on the few occasions she tamed her hair, like tonight. Even though her eyes were still puffy from crying and her face was flushed from the whiskey, she was undeniably pretty. He'd been an arse for telling her otherwise and was disappointed she'd believed him.

She was looking back at him now with an amused expression on her face, clearly aware he was studying her. He wondered if she could tell he was admiring what he saw.

"That was ages ago," he said, "I think we've established on numerous occasions that I'm not that person anymore." He leaned back on the couch, trying to keep from laughing at her flabbergasted expression.

"Oh, I hadn't realized that part had changed too," was all she said as she continued to look at him curiously.

"Yes, I no longer find you repulsive, you want to be my friend, we're growing up Granger. And we've already established you think I've devilishly handsome."

Granger looked at him a little longer, than burst out laughing. Draco held out for a few seconds before joining her.

After that they did manage to turn the conversation away from her love life. Draco tried to explain why he liked Quidditch so much and Hermione tried to explain a complicated sport called Cricket that her father loved.

They talked about the people in their classes, imagined what some of their professors were like in school, wondered which animals they'd want to turn into if they were Animagi, and where they would travel to right now if they could go anywhere. Draco chose a beloved Swiss Chateaux in the wintertime while Hermione chose a small town on the French Riviera.

Around midnight someone knocked on Granger's door and she jumped, making Draco laugh but she silenced him quickly.

"Who is it?" she asked and her impression of a sober person was terrible.

"It's Ginny, I just wanted to see if you're okay."

Granger got up and went to open the portrait, but Draco grabbed her and cleaned her breath first. She gave him a quick nod and opened the door while he hid behind it.

"Hey, I'm, I'm fine, thanks," Granger said, still standing in the door.

"Can I come in?"

"I really just want to be alone," Granger responded deliberately and Draco could tell she was trying her best not to slur her words. He smiled inwardly and considered pushing her over, but resisted the urge.

"Ok, I'm really sorry about Ron, he's an idiot," Draco heard she-Weasley say from the hall. Good, so Draco wasn't the only one who thought so. He nodded vigorously at Granger in agreement and she looked back at him and tried not to laugh.

She pushed him against the wall then turned back to the hall, "I'll see you tomorrow Ginny, thanks for checking on me."

She closed the door softly and they both held their ears up to the door, listening as she-Weasley's foot-steps retreated down the hall. Then they looked back at each other and burst out laughing, "Do you think she knew?" Granger asked nervously.

Draco just kept laughing, then started gathering his stuff to leave. "I should go in case she decides to come back."

Granger nodded and he could tell she was crossing over from giggly to sleepy. "Thanks for coming back, your way of cheering up was much better than mine."

Draco nodded in response and she sat on the couch, focused on the other wall and looking a little sad now. He opened the door to leave, then closed it and went back to her. "Granger," he said to get her attention.

"I thought you left."

"That was like 30 seconds ago. We need to cut your intake in half next time," he muttered.

"Next time," she said in a soft voice and he wondered what she meant by the statement.

"I forgot to tell you," Draco started and Granger interrupted, "What? I'll be just fine? Hold my head up? Don't let the Weasleys get you down?"

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? No, I was going to say, don't forget to drink water. And in the morning, there's a spell you can use for the headache. I'm going to write it here for you, on the off chance you actually remember this conversation."

She snorted but he wrote the spell down anyway.

"Hey, thanks for cheering me up tonight." He shook his head, she'd already said this. "You are a good friend," she added.

Draco threw his hand over her mouth and said in a mock-serious tone, "Keep your voice down witch, someone will hear and the castle will start to crumble."

Granger licked his hand and he pulled it away quickly, "You licked me!"

She just laughed in response.

"What are you, eight? I'm leaving before you try to lick me again, crazy overgrown child."

He grabbed his bag again and had his hand on the door when her expression returned to sadness. He considered saying something else, maybe one of those nice comments she'd mentioned, but turned to leave instead. He'd behaved out of character enough for one night.

Draco had spent the night with Granger and had had fun. They didn't talk about homework or anything heavy, he guessed they were friends. Maybe it was just the fire whiskey. He reasoned that with enough liquor even he and Potter could be friends, then laughed to himself. No, there were limits to what alcohol could do.

As Draco fell asleep that night, he remembered that she'd never mentioned who her date was with, and he was surprised to find that he very badly wanted to know.

* * *

Draco was going mad. Ever since his drunken night with Granger, he could not stop thinking about her and her stupid date. He should never have gone back there. He should have stayed in his room with his extra-omnioculars.

He'd tried distracting himself with Granger's thoughtful gift all week but his mind kept drifting to memories of her. Visions of her laughing, hitting him playfully, and cuddling with her stupid cat flashed into his mind while he tried to watch the Quidditch matches he'd missed. It wasn't until Friday when Draco heard Goldstein tell Granger he'd see her this Sunday that he realized who her date was with.

Fucking Goldstein. Draco almost hated Goldstein as much as Potter. Maybe more. At least Potter had done him a favor in killing the Dark Lord and saved him from the fiend fire. Goldstein hadn't done shit for Draco, just made his year as miserable as possible.

And if Goldstein and Granger started dating, ugh, Draco didn't even want to think about it. But the thoughts came to his mind unbidden, them snogging in the halls, him holding her bag between classes, she announcing to Draco that they'd have to cancel their study sessions. Rage passed through him.

And that's when Draco realized that there was more to his outrage at her date than who it was with. Because even before he'd known about Goldstein he couldn't get that insufferable witch out of his head. He liked her. He liked Hermione Granger. Or as his father fondly called her, Potter's Mudblood. _Well fuck._

And that was how Draco knew he was going mad, because he'd have to be a complete nutter to be entertaining romantic feelings for a muggle-born. Especially _that_ muggle-born. And now she was going to start going out with Goldstein. Bubble boy.

This was how Draco's thoughts went for most of the weekend. He tried to go home, but there wasn't much there to distract him. His mother was busy with renovations and didn't have much time to spare for him.

Draco joined Blaise and Jones at a pub in London on Saturday, but drinking didn't help. He was just reminded more of Granger and how free she'd been five shots into that bottle of fire whiskey. And how he hadn't laughed that much all year. And how her hair wasn't so bad, and her eyes were chocolate brown, not muddy brown, and her smile was intoxicating, especially when caused by something he'd said.

Currently Draco was standing outside her door at their regular Sunday meeting time, trying to work up the courage to knock. He knew he had to stop this date from happening. He wasn't sure exactly how, but he figured his presence would be a good start, then he could wing it from there. He knocked.

Granger opened the door and her eyes widened when she saw him, then she grabbed his robes and pulled him inside quickly. She was wearing nice muggle clothes. Dark jeans and a fitted jumper with a silver locket and matching silver earrings.

Draco was a little annoyed she wasn't wearing the necklace he'd given her, but upon closer inspection he saw the gold chain around her neck, she'd just tucked it into her jumper. He smirked.

Her hair was wet and she had a small amount of make-up on her eyes, making them look slightly larger than usual. The effect was nice.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she whispered, then let him go and hurried back to the bathroom. She raised her wand to her hair and seemed to be trying to dry it and curl it at the same time with what looked like a complicated spell.

"Oh, right, I forgot," Draco said lamely.

She turned to look at him and said, "You can recall every Runes translation and I've never seen you miss a Potions ingredient. You do not forget things Malfoy." She turned back to the mirror and kept working on her hair spell.

He sat on the couch and watched her, "You flatter me Granger."

She kept her gaze on the mirror, then repeated her earlier question, "Why are you here?"

He tried to think of something clever to say, but couldn't think of anything, so he just said, "You're really going all out for Goldstein, aren't you?"

She turned toward him before responding, "That's none of your business, now answer my question."

Draco replied simply, "To stop you from going on your date."

Granger dropped her wand and a few sparks came out of the end. She bent to pick it up then said angrily, "Well you don't get a say in this Malfoy."

"Why not? We're friends. Kind of. I should get a say when I see you doing something stupid."

She stopped working on her hair and turned toward him, then said sarcastically, "Okay _friend_ , give me one good reason not to go. And you hating Anthony is not a good reason."

Well that was going to be his response, so Draco tried to think up another. But all he could think to say was, _Because you're mine and I don't want to share you._ But he knew that wouldn't go over well, so he said nothing. He watched her give up on the curling spell and quickly dry and pull her hair up instead.

"That's what I thought, now get out, Anthony will be here-" Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Not a word," Granger whispered to him, pointing her wand at his chest, "I'll silence you if I have to."

"Just a minute, Anthony," she called toward the door, "I just need to finish my hair."

"No worries Hermione," Goldstein said on the other side of the portrait, "I'm sure you look great."

Draco made a fake vomit motion and Granger hit him, then pulled him closer to the fireplace so they were out of earshot of the door.

"I know you don't like him, but you need to get over it," she whispered, her hands still clutching the front of his robes. "This is just a date, you don't have to worry about me getting into some serious relationship with Anthony and cutting out on our sessions or anything."

He just huffed in response, and she let go of his robes and turned toward the door. Draco grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him, "That's not it," he whispered.

"Then what is it?"

Draco looked into her brown eyes, there was a little bit of concern there, but mostly annoyance. She thought he was messing with her. Was he? Did he just want her to be alone and miserable like he was? No, he just wanted her to be with him.

She was about to leave and if he didn't do something she'd go on her stupid date and probably have a great time. He felt her pull away, but before she could turn he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard on the lips.

She pushed him away and looked back at him shocked, then he pulled her closer and kissed her again, much softer this time, and after a few seconds she started to kiss him back. He raised a hand and started trailing his fingertips along her neck and she pulled back then and stared at him. He saw the same mixture of longing and uncertainty he was feeling reflected in her eyes. She was leaning into him again when they were interrupted by another knock on the door, "Are you okay Hermione?"

_Fucking Goldstein._

Granger pulled away from him and Draco pleaded softly, "Stay."

She shook her head and removed herself from his grip, "You were right last term, when I tried to kiss you. This- thing, between us, it's not real. We're just lonely and stuck together. I'm sorry Malfoy."

She moved quickly to the door and had her hand on the doorknob when she added, "Leave a few minutes after we do. I don't want you in here when I get back."

Draco stared into the fire next to him, trying to fight back tears as he heard Granger apologize to Goldstein, then heard their footsteps retreat down the hall.

He pushed the bookcase next to the fireplace over with as much force as he could muster and watched the shelf and books topple over. But it didn't make him feel any better. He reasoned that destroying her things wasn't the best way to get her to like him, then knew that was preposterous, of course she'd never pick him.

Draco was evil, had used her, had tormented her and her friends. Told her she was disgusting, less than human, and watched as his aunt tortured her in his house. There was never a version of this story where she picked him. Fuck, he hadn't even known he wanted her to pick him until a few days ago.

He slunk onto the floor and leaned against the side of the couch, looking back at the toppled bookcase. The cat jumped onto his lap and he pet it this time, desperate for a little comfort. Then he started repairing the shelf, levitating each book back with his wand. He moved slowly, there was no reason to rush, she'd probably be gone for hours. But he would certainly be gone before she got back, he didn't want to witness any farewell kisses between she and fucking Anthony Goldstein.

* * *

Anthony and Hermione were walking down the path from the castle to Hogsmeade. He was explaining his plans to take her to a nearby muggle town so she could enjoy the anonymity he'd promised when he asked her out.

He said they could go to dinner first then go to a muggle film if Hermione was up for it. Anthony explained he was a half-blood, so his muggle-born father had made them go do muggle stuff all of the time and films were one thing wizards had never managed to outdo muggles on. "Don't you agree?" he asked Hermione.

Hermione stopped on the path and looked back at Anthony guiltily, "I can't."

Anthony looked hurt, then confused. "Oh, we can do something else, I just thought-"

"No it's not that," Hermione rushed to explain, "It actually all sounds really fun. It's just-" she chewed her lip, searching for words while also trying to figure out what the hell she wanted. "When I said yes to this date I was really upset about Ron. He'd showed up at the Quidditch match with another girl and I think I was just trying to get back at him. It's not fair to you."

Anthony looked relieved, "Oh is that it? I don't really care, Hermione. If you want to get back at Ron by going on this one date with me, then fine. Let's just go have fun tonight, it doesn't have to be a big thing."

"I-," He was right, Hermione had never meant this to be a serious thing. But Ron wasn't the reason she wanted to leave. Ron really had nothing to do with it. The only wizard flooding her thoughts now was Draco. Leaning into her, kissing her, begging her to stay. What was wrong with her? Anthony had been nothing but nice to her all year while Draco had been an absolute prat.

But it didn't change the fact that she felt drawn to the troubled Slytherin and cared about him in a way she didn't think she'd ever care about Anthony. And all she wanted to do right now was run back and finish that kiss. She had to get back to her room. "I'm sorry Anthony. I thought I could just have fun, that's why I agreed. But I guess I'm not as much fun as I thought I was."

Hermione turned and almost ran back to the castle, leaving Anthony in the middle of the path. She knew he deserved better and the next time she worked with him would be awkward but she could worry about that later. She had another matter to deal with now. As Hermione rushed back to her room she wondered if Draco would still be inside. She told him to leave but that had been only ten minutes ago. She hoped he'd stayed.

She pushed the door to her common room open quickly and scanned the area. He hadn't stayed. The room was empty. Crookshanks appeared from behind the couch and started walking between her legs. She picked him up and hugged him into her chest, "I thought he'd be here Crooks."

"Then why did you tell him to leave?" Draco rose from the place behind the couch where Crookshanks had come from. He'd been sitting on the floor, so she hadn't spotted him before.

Hermione's breath caught in her throat and she placed Crookshanks on the ground, keeping her eyes on Draco. He continued to stare back at her but stayed still.

Draco's eyes bored into hers as he said without emotion, "That was a short date."

Hermione approached him tentatively, "Why did you come here tonight? Is this just another game?"

Draco sighed heavily, then pulled his hand up to his face and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Goldstein is a fucking tool Granger, and he's an arsehole too, if you knew how he's been treating the Slytherins all year you'd think twice." He looked away from her then.

Hermione felt a slight pang in her chest at his words and asked, "So you were just trying to get back at Anthony? This had nothing to do with me?" She searched his face for an answer but found none. What had she been thinking coming back here?

Draco looked back at her defiantly then and said in a sharp tone, "Of course not Granger, don't be ridiculous. Yes, I like spending time with you, but that's mainly because you're the only person in this school more pathetic than I am."

The pain in Hermione's chest deepened then. Draco looked guilty but she didn't care. He was just toying with her, and she had been stupid and fell for it all again. Anthony was the one she should have chosen but she'd left him to come back to Draco, who kept hurting her over and over. "Get out," she said softly, her voice catching. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned away from him, looking into the fire so he couldn't see the tears forming in her eyes.

Draco walked away and she heard the click of the door opening and swallowed a sob that was threatening to escape. She'd wait for him to leave before she started to cry.

* * *

Draco had his hand on the door and was breathing deeply, trying to calm the turmoil in his head.

There was a stream of thoughts yelling at him to go back to Granger and fix this: _What the fuck are you doing? Go back there! She left her fucking date for you! Don't be a fucking coward again!_

But the other side of his brain was making equally compelling arguments: _This is for the best, you're terrible for her. You used her and tormented her for years – just leave her alone! She deserves so much better than your pathetic arse!_

He sighed deeply and cleared his mind to silence the thoughts. And for the first time since he could remember, he decided instead to listen to his heart.

He turned back and saw Granger staring into the fire, her arms were still wrapped tightly around her. He took another deep breath, and looked back at the cat, who was glaring at him now, then said a silent prayer for courage as he approached Granger. She flinched when he gently placed his hands on her arms, but didn't move away. "I didn't mean it," he muttered.

Granger's voice was shaky when she next spoke, "Then why did you say it?"

"I'm an insufferable prat. You know that, you point it out constantly."

She turned and looked at him and he continued, "I would have shown up even if it had been, I don't know, some bloke I like. I can't think of any examples right now." She let out a small laugh and he took the opportunity to wipe an errant tear from her cheek, glad she wasn't pushing him away.

"The thought of you going on that date, any date, was driving me crazy all week," he gulped then and added, "I like you Granger."

She considered him for a moment, then reached her hand up to his chest. He could feel his heart beating quickly against her touch and wondered if she was as nervous as he was. He leaned forward then, against her hand, and Granger met him halfway. Their kiss was forceful and demanding and more intense than he'd expected. Granger wrapped her arms around his neck and he dropped his hands to her hips and pulled her into him.

When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathing heavily, like they'd just finished a long duel and Draco wondered if maybe, in a way, they had. "This isn't a game for me Granger. I promise," he said, a little out of breath.

She dipped her head into his chest and he could feel his heart beat slow against her forehead. "I just got used to thinking of you as my friend, now this?" she whispered, "Where did this come from?"

He wrapped his arms around her and replied into her hair, "I don't know. It's not real though, right?"

"I'm not sure what's real anymore, it all feels like a dream," she said quietly.

"At least you said dream and not nightmare."

She laughed softly against his chest. They stood there in each other's arms for a long while and Draco relished the comfort he hadn't realized he'd been missing until that moment.

Eventually Granger pulled away and asked him to leave. She said she needed time to collect her thoughts. Draco gave her one last kiss on the cheek, then left her alone.

* * *

They hadn't talked about _that night_ since it had happened and it was driving Hermione crazy. Draco wasn't ignoring her, which was a good sign, she thought, he was just ignoring the event.

She reasoned that it had happened three days ago and they had only seen each other in classes since. But still, she hadn't detected even the slightest change in his demeanor. But what had she expected? That he'd hold her hand under the table in class? Pull her into an empty classroom and kiss her again? Those didn't seem like things he'd do.

But now there really was no excuse. They'd been studying for an hour alone in her room and he still had not acknowledged it. He was currently lounging on her couch reading a novel. He'd declared his Transfiguration essay complete a while ago but she insisted hers needed more work. So Draco had just shrugged and pulled out a book while she finished.

Hermione watched him read. He seemed really absorbed in the book and she wondered what it was about. Then she wondered if Draco had thought of that night since or if it was no big deal for him. But no, it was certainly a big deal, huge really, why didn't he agree? Maybe he was waiting for her to acknowledge it first. She had dismissed him rather suddenly that night, maybe he had taken it as a form of rejection.

"Spit it out, Granger," Draco mumbled, then laid his book down on his lap and turned to face her.

"We need to talk about it," Hermione said, knowing she wouldn't need to elaborate any further.

Draco smirked and then said, "Fine, you start."

"I've been thinking about it a lot," Hermione started, suddenly nervous.

"Shocker," Draco said, still smirking and she pushed him.

"Shut up. I- I don't know." Then the words started tumbling out of her mouth. "We kissed. That's pretty crazy. And I canceled my date for you. So what? Are we dating now? Are you going to kiss me again? Do I even want that? I don't know what to think or what this means."

She stopped then, a little out of breath, and waited for him to respond.

Draco shrugged and asked, "Why does it have to mean something?"

Hermione huffed and crossed her arms. Why was he being so nonchalant about this? "It's a big deal! You're Draco Malfoy and I'm Hermione Granger. Stop playing dumb."

He shook his head then, and asked, "Well do you want me to?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to kiss you again?"

She cocked her head, that's not what she'd expected him to ask. Did she want him to kiss her again? Well that wasn't hard to answer, "Yes, I do."

Draco leaned toward her then, placing one hand on the back of her head to draw her closer to him, then he covered her mouth with his. This kiss was much gentler than the last one, but Hermione found it just as enjoyable. When Draco pulled away, he gave her a quick nod, then pulled his book up and continued reading.

She just stared at him, unsure what to say. Then he looked over at her casually and said, "Does that clear it up for you?"

"No."

"You're impossible."

"Prat."

"You like it."

"Maybe," she conceded, then leaned into him.

He raised the arm she was leaning against and wrapped it around her, then finally went back to reading his book. Hermione laid her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat and breathing as he read. She'd never been this close to Draco. They'd kissed, twice now, well three times technically, but just sitting here in his arms was different. She soaked in the warmth and foreign but pleasant feeling of his body against hers.

She guessed they were dating now, in secret at least. And she felt good about it. Maybe he had a point, it wasn't worth over-analyzing this whole thing, she should just give in and see where it went. After a long while she pulled her head off his chest and looked up at him. Draco looked down at her and gave her that look that she knew meant, _Spit it out Granger._

"I'm going to start calling you Draco now."

He smiled and shook his head, then said, "I'm not calling you Hermione, that's a ridiculous name."

She laughed, then laid her head back on his chest before saying, "Yeah, I've always thought so too."

She really should get back to her essay, but reasoned that a few more minutes on the couch wouldn't be the difference between an E and an O.

* * *

Hermione, Luna, and Ginny were pruning Sneezewort bushes in one of the Herbology greenhouses, being very careful to avoid letting the flowers touch their skin since side-effects could include intense periods of confusion or recklessness.

Hermione wondered if just the scent of the flowers could cause recklessness, because that would certainly be the word to describe her relationship with Draco. It had been a week since she'd decided they were dating and he spent every free period in her room, without fail, and every free night when he didn't have Quidditch practice.

But she always kicked him out by midnight. She wasn't ready for him to sleep over, though she thought he wanted to. That was moving too fast for her and he didn't complain, just pouted a bit. His pout was so cute. She shook her head, trying to focus back on the task at hand.

Ginny was quizzing Luna about Rolf Scamander, who she had finally admitted to liking, but unfortunately she didn't have many occasions to see him. They were trying to invent a reason for Luna to send him an owl to request another meeting. Perhaps another exotic creature Luna needed help locating. After they'd exhausted the possibilities, Ginny turned her attention to Hermione.

"Why haven't you moved dorms yet? I saw Anthony coming out of the tower the other day and he said your renovated rooms have been ready for a week.

The answer to that was simple, it was more convenient staying two corridors down from the Slytherin common room. Also, Ginny and Luna were much less likely to stop by unannounced when her room was in the cold, dark dungeon. After Hermione moved it would be much harder to have Draco over all of the time. But she obviously couldn't say that, so she just shrugged, "I like it down there."

"Why? It's so far from our common room," Ginny stopped shearing and studied Hermione, "What's the real reason?"

Hermione had considered confiding in Ginny about Draco, but decided against it. Ginny would be insufferable, and she already had an insufferable Slytherin to contend with daily.

"It's just closer to most of my classes, and the Great Hall, I don't know, I've gotten used to it."

"Your new room would be closer to the library," Ginny pointed out.

Ginny stopped cutting suddenly then dropped her shears into her lap, "No, Hermione."

"What?" Hermione looked over at Luna, who didn't appear to be following her and Ginny's silent conversation. Ginny was raising her eyebrows at Hermione now, then whispered, "This better not be about _him_!"

Hermione shoved her and she brushed against the Sneezewort bush. "Hermione!" Ginny leapt out of the way and began jumping around wildly in an effort to shake off any flowers that may have touched her skin and Hermione couldn't help but laugh, even though she felt a little guilty.

"I think you're fine, you only just grazed it-"

The red-head glared back at her and Hermione removed the smirk from her face.

"I think your new friend is having a bad influence on you Hermione. Since when do you smirk?"

"Do you have a new friend Hermione? That sounds lovely," Luna cut in.

"Actually," Hermione said in a challenging tone, "I'm friends with Draco Malfoy, Luna. We study together."

Ginny's eyes widened and Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth, thinking there might be something to her earlier theory of the flowers' scent causing mild recklessness, because she'd been meaning to keep the whole Draco thing a secret from people who were friends with Ron.

_Ron is dating someone else. And so are you!_

That was a good point, but she honestly hadn't reassessed her feelings for Ron since this whole Draco thing. She just spent all of her time thinking about Draco. Maybe there was her answer.

"Oh, yeah, I already knew that Hermione. You two have been friends for months. I wouldn't call that a new friend." Luna said simply and didn't seem upset or concerned that Hermione was friends with a former Death Eater.

"So you don't have a problem with Hermione's new friend? Remember you spent a good bit of time locked in his house last year," Ginny needled.

"He's not the one who locked me up, and he was actually kind to me last year. I was assigned detention with the Carrows for distributing the Quibbler and he reassigned me to do lines with him in the prefect office. He even let me pick the lines."

"Well isn't that nice?" Ginny said sourly, then turned back to her bush. Hermione was right, it was definitely not a good idea to tell her about Draco. But Hermione reasoned she would have to move rooms soon, since she knew Ginny would report back to Harry and she didn't want him stopping by to investigate her relationship with Draco again.

"I'm planning to have the house elves move my things over the Easter Break," she said. That would give her another week close to Draco, and she guessed that would have to be enough. They'd make it work, he was good with Disillusionment charms.

This seemed to satisfy Ginny and they moved on to another topic, thank goodness. Hermione sighed and wished she and Draco didn't have to be a secret. Then she wondered if Luna knew more than she let on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost named this chapter, "Freakin' Finally!" Also, I totally stole this idea of Hermione going on a date, then suddenly canceling it and running back to Draco from Isolation by BexChan, which I'm sure most of you have read since it's one of the most popular Dramione stories ever. But I always liked that part and I think it works here. Also I figured that I already borrowed all of the characters and the entire wizarding world, so what's one more idea? Thanks and I hope you all like how this came together. There is still plenty more story to come!


	20. First Date

**Chapter 20 – First Date**

It was the Friday before their two week Easter Break and Draco was in Ancient Runes, his last class of the day. There was a feeling of restlessness around the entire castle that came with an impending break and he worried the team wouldn't be focused in their Quidditch practice that night. He jumped as a folded scrap of parchment floated onto his desk. He opened it and quickly read the line of text in Granger's neat script.

_Why are you mad at me?_

This was a good question without a good answer, he just was. He looked over at her but she was focused on her notes, or just determined not to look at him. Maybe both.

Granger was leaving to go to fucking Weasley's house all weekend and he wanted her to stay with him instead. They were already going to have to spend two weeks away from each other and he was worried after she came back she'd realize being with him was a dumb idea. When did he become the one with no power?

He was used to girls chasing _him_ but now he felt like the one at a disadvantage and he hated that. But it was the reality, everyone around them hated Draco and adored Granger. And the fact that she was a muggle-born and he was the Malfoy heir didn't seem to matter anymore.

He sighed, then wrote back.

_Just cancel on Weasley and stay here._

He levitated the note back to her and she rolled her eyes when she read his response, then scribbled furiously before passing it back.

_We've been through this. This isn't about Ron. I have a relationship with all of the Weasleys separate from him. And I committed to this ages ago. So can you grow up and stop punishing me?!_

Draco glared at her note and wrote.

_No, I want to piss you off by lashing out like a sulky teenager._

She snorted when she read his response, then added,

_Well if that's your aim you're doing a fantastic job._

He didn't have anything else to say, since it looked like no amount of pouting was going to change her mind, so he gave her a small shrug then dragged his attention back to Professor Babbling.

Draco and Granger walked down to the dungeons together after class. She was going back to her room and he had to get dressed for Quidditch practice. When they were out of earshot from other students she asked, "And you really can't cancel this one?"

"I told you, we're going to be gone for two weeks so I can't afford to drop a practice." He smirked when he realized how similar this argument was to the one on their notes during class. He wasn't the only sulky teenager. "But I can cut it short," he admitted, and she jumped up and smiled.

"That'll work, come to my room the second you're out of practice."

"Uh, I'll probably shower first."

"Fine, but make it quick." She pointed her finger at him and he smirked, reminded of the bossiness that he used to hate but just found cute now. He really was going mad.

"Sure Granger," he wished he could kiss her cheek, but refrained and instead smiled at her before leaving her in the hall outside her room. Damn he was going to miss her over break.

* * *

Hermione glanced at the clock on the wall when she heard a knock on the door and smiled inwardly. Draco had cut his practice short. She knew how distracted boys could get when it came to Quidditch and was pleased he hadn't forgotten about her. This would give them a few hours for what she had planned. She opened the door for Draco and pulled him inside, giving him a quick kiss before letting him go.

"You need to finish drying that," Hermione said, pointing at his still-damp hair, "We're going outside." She pulled her wand out of her robes and started a drying charm when he jumped out of the way.

"Hey, I'll do it! You'll probably make it bushy or something."

She rolled her eyes and waited for him to finish, trying to hide her excitement for what she had planned for them.

Draco eyed her suspiciously, then asked, "What's going on?"

"I have a surprise for us," she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the door, "Ready?"

He nodded apprehensively.

"Ok. We should leave separately, you go on ahead and wait for me just outside the gates going to Hogsmeade, I'll follow a few minutes behind."

Draco looked back at her warily and she nearly pushed him out of the door. While he'd been at Quidditch practice she'd scoped out a spot for them in the mountains just outside of Hogwarts. Hermione figured it would be the best place to enjoy some alone time and have a shot at a first date without being discovered. Leaving the protections surrounding Hogwarts would be dangerous, but they were both fully qualified wizards. And she'd warded the spot with every protection spell she knew.

Hermione looked back at the clock and when five minutes had passed she began her walk to Hogsmeade. When she reached the gate it was completely deserted, she couldn't see Draco anywhere. She frowned, then began searching around when she felt a hand on her waist. She nearly jumped out of her skin, then turned and smacked Draco, who was sniggering. "Bugger, I _knew_ you'd do something like that, and I still fell for it."

He pulled her in for a kiss and she forgot momentarily to be mad at him. But they were still kind of out in the open, so she pulled away from him, "Ok, I'm going Apparate us, ready?"

Draco gave her a questioning look, but nodded and she brought them just outside the spot she'd chosen since the wards she placed wouldn't let her apparate them straight in. He peered around curiously, then gave her a quizzical look.

"Come on," Hermione grabbed Draco's hand and walked toward the place she'd prepared. She felt the heat of magic where the wards were, then took out her wand and muttered a quick incantation before pulling them both inside. She heard Draco intake breath and smiled at his surprised look. It wasn't much, just a blanket with a small picnic basket on it surrounded by about a thousand floating flames. She had to admit it did look impressive, but the magic behind it had been fairly easy.

"When did you do this?" Draco looked back at her and pulled her into his side so she was tucked under his arm.

"While you were at Quidditch," she began to chew her lip, then added, "I thought we could have a first date."

Hermione looked down at the ground, suddenly feeling stupid. Maybe it was too much. Maybe they were just an item inside the castle.

Draco released her and put his index finger under her chin and lifted it up so she was looking at him, then said seriously, "I'm supposed to be the one doing this type of stuff. Fuck Granger, you always have to be the best, don't you?" His smile was soft and she nodded, relieved. He reached to the ground and picked up a stick, then transfigured it easily into a small blue flower which he then tucked behind her ear.

Then Draco walked over and started inspecting the flames before turning back to her and looking around at the scenery, but it was dark and hard to make out their location. "Where are we?"

"Just outside the grounds, in the mountains on the opposite side of the forest."

He looked back at her and asked, "What's wrong?"

Hermione was confused by his question, then realized her thoughts must have been readable from her face. She wished she could hide her emotions as well as he could. But she was getting a little better at reading him.

"I thought, maybe after we left the castle, this would all just, stop," she admitted, stumbling a little through her words.

"Us?" He said it so silently it sounded like a breath and the look he gave her was nervous.

Hermione nodded in response.

Draco walked closer to her and asked seriously, "Is that what you want, Granger?"

He looked a little wounded and she wasn't sure where she'd gone wrong, but she rushed to reassure him. "No, absolutely not," she said it more forcefully than she'd meant to and he laughed in response.

They spent the next hour picking through the snacks she'd brought in the picnic basket, then she extinguished the floating lights so they could gaze up at the stars, trying to pick out as many constellations as they could remember from Astronomy. After they'd exhausted their collective knowledge of the stars, they laid in silence looking at the sky, each thinking their own thoughts.

Eventually Hermione turned to look at Draco. She'd been dreading telling him this but figured now was as good a time as any, "I have to move over the break."

He turned his head to look at her, snapped out of his thoughts, "What?"

"My room in the tower is ready, well it has been for weeks, and I've run out of excuses to stay in the dungeons. So I'm moving over break."

His eyes were sad and little betrayed, but he just nodded then looked back up at the sky. Eventually he said, "I already feel like I never see you, it's going to get even harder."

"We see each other every day in class," Hermione pointed out.

Draco snorted, then said. "That doesn't count, this," he grabbed her hand and linked his fingers into hers, "is what's real."

Hermione sat up then and looked down at their clasped hands. "I thought out there was real," she motioned in the direction of the castle, "and this," she motioned to their hands, "was a dream."

Draco sat up and pulled her to him so her back was against his chest. "I think it switched," he whispered into her ear, and she closed her eyes, enjoying his arms around her.

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality," she said, remembering that quote from a book.

"Who said that?"

"A famous muggle."

"How beautiful, for a muggle," he teased, and she remembered when she'd said the same about the Malfoy quote on his father's pensive.

"But that logic," he continued, "would explain how our reality switched. We finally got on the same page..." his word drifted off and Hermione considered them. Were they on the same page? It was so hard to tell with him.

They sat for a few minutes, then Draco asked, "Where would you go right now if you could go anywhere?" She was reminded of the same question they'd asked each other the night with the fire whiskey but the feeling now couldn't be more different. That night she'd felt anxious and unmoored and now she felt safe in the arms of the most unlikely companion.

Hermione thought for a long while, then answered, "I'd go somewhere where I could dance with you. The proper style of dancing, not the suggestive dances most of the kids our age like. And we'd be under the stars, with a band playing."

Draco pulled away from her and she thought for a second he'd ask her to dance, but instead he moved so he was sitting facing her and he'd drawn his wand. "I can do that," he said.

Hermione looked at him surprised and saw from his raised wand that he meant to cast some sort of spell. Her eyes widened when she saw him point it at her head, "I'm not going to do Legilimency," he answered in response to her alarm.

"What _are_ you going to do?"

"Trust me." Draco had never asked that of her before. But she thought she did, trust him, at least not to cause her any physical harm. She was alone out here with him after all, no one else knew they were together.

But there were other ways he could hurt her, as he'd proven to her last term. But that didn't really apply right now, so she nodded and he raised his wand and muttered something under his breath. Before Hermione could react, they were somewhere else.

They were standing opposite each other and it was still nighttime, but in an entirely different location. They were on a patio looking out at a lake that was nestled between two large, snowy mountains. There were lights strung along the railing and a band off on the other end. Hermione looked behind her and saw the patio seemed to extend from a restaurant, since she could see a small stone building with dining tables inside.

She looked down and saw she was wearing an exquisite ruby gown and was surprised to note she could feel the soft fabric against her skin. Draco was looking rather dashing in a set of navy dress robes, and when she looked into his eyes they were shining triumphantly. He bowed slightly and extended a hand out to her.

She grabbed it, still unsure what was going on as he led her to the center of the patio and started dancing with her as the band played a slow tune she didn't recognize.

"What is this?" Hermione asked eventually, looking around fervently, trying to take in every detail. It all felt so real. But he hadn't apparated them and she hadn't felt the tug of a Portkey. And he also hadn't changed their clothes, so this must be in her mind.

But she could feel everything, even the pins in her hair, which she realized was styled up. She held her hand up to Draco's cheek to test the feeling and it was warm against her cold hand.

"Relax Granger," Draco said, pulling her along the dance floor, "I won't be able to keep this going on very long, and we're supposed to be dancing."

Hermione gave in to the illusion then and let him lead her along the floor. After a few songs the music turned slower and instead of moving her around the patio Draco stopped and they swayed on the spot. Hermione rested her head against his chest and her cheeks were sore from smiling so much. "How are you doing this?" She whispered.

"Magic."

Hermione looked up at Draco then and his smile was breath-taking. "Is this all in my mind? Are we just sitting on the blanket with our eyes closed and your wand held up to my head?"

Draco paused then, and considered the question, "I'm not sure, I'm usually in here for it."

"And here is?"

Draco just shrugged, then said, "I call it the dream come true spell. I made it for my mother, when she was ill. You gave me the date, I wanted to give you something too."

She kissed him then and wasn't surprised when it felt just as perfect here as it did in reality. "It's beautiful. I mean, that word doesn't do it justice it's-" she paused, for the first time at a complete loss for words. "Thank you."

Draco nodded, clearly pleased by her reaction, and the scene around them began to fade. Hermione opened her eyes and was disoriented at first to find herself sitting on the blanket. She looked at Draco and saw he was out of breath and looked terrible, like he was completely drained of energy.

"Draco! Are you okay?" He didn't look okay and Hermione felt bad. That spell was certainly complicated, and they'd been in there for what felt like thirty minutes. She reached into the picnic basket and was glad to find chocolate inside and handed him a piece.

"It's fine. It's just a really draining spell, I'll be fine." She nodded, but watched him warily, relieved when the color started to return to his cheeks after a few minutes.

He laid down on the blanket and she joined him and watched him with his eyes closed and wondered if he was meditating or using Occlumency, or maybe both. When he opened his eyes he looked over at her and gave her a quick smile, then grabbed her hand.

"Hey Granger, can I ask you something?"

She turned her head to look at Draco and saw an odd expression on his face. She figured it was what she looked like when she was working up the courage to ask him a difficult question. Hermione couldn't help herself and said, "Spit it out Malfoy."

He gave her a small smirk, then asked, "Well you said you had a relationship with the Weasleys separate from the Weasel-"

"Ron."

"Whatever. What does that mean?"

Hermione sighed, this really was quite a personal question. And she looked at Draco for a while, deciding if she'd tell him the truth. She still wasn't sure how much she trusted him.

"It's fine Granger-" he started to say, and she could sense him shutting down, then started her explanation before he could retreat.

"No, I'm just trying to figure out how to put it into words. Ron is still one of my best friends, but it's more than that. Part of it is Ginny, she's my best girl friend. And part of what I like is the feeling of so many siblings, I mean I was an only child growing up and didn't have many cousins either." Draco nodded at this and she could see he was listening to her intently.

"But most of it, I guess I just like the feeling of love and acceptance when I'm there. I've stayed at the Burrow for a week or two every year since coming to Hogwarts and it's become like a second home and it was like that for Harry too. You'd think the Weasleys wouldn't have room for two more kids, but they welcomed us just the same. And even though I'm not with Ron, I still want to remain a part of it all."

Hermione looked back at Draco then, expecting to see him sneering, but instead he looked a little confused, like he was trying to understand. "That makes sense for Potter, he's an orphan. But you have parents," he said carefully.

Hermione sighed. How could she possibly explain this to someone like Draco? Ron hardly understood and he hadn't spent his entire childhood hating muggles.

"Draco, there's a huge part of the world you take for granted when you grow up in a magical house. There's so much learning done outside of school. Larger things, like spells they never teach in class, to small things, like – like, how often to use magic. Do you summon everything or just things out of reach or far away? When is it customary to Apparate over using the Floo? When are owls used over Floo calls? It's all something you learn through observation, and those of us in Muggle homes, we just don't know those things. So I get something from the Weasleys my parents can never offer me." She felt guilty with her last statement, but it was true.

She looked over to Draco then and he said simply, "I'd never really thought of that."

"I know." _You were too busy making us all feel inferior._ She knew better than to add that last part, he was trying now and that would just make him feel bad.

"But it's more than that even," Hermione continued, "I can go to Molly and Arthur for advice without having to give a long back story. For example, my parents have no idea what I'm talking about when considering different magical professions. And they don't know that taking seven N.E.W.T. classes is very demanding. I know it's a little childish, that I still crave acceptance from my parents. But I do, and, well, I get it more from the Weasleys these days, especially with everything that happened in the war. And that's why I want to go there tomorrow," she finished.

"I understand," Draco said eventually, and he squeezed her hand comfortingly. Then his eyes got a little sad and she wondered if he was thinking about his own parents.

"What are you going to be doing over the break, Draco? You never said."

He seemed to snap out of his thoughts, then said, "Oh, my mother wants to go to France. We'll probably do that for the first week, then I'll come back here for the second week. Catch up on some assignments and do Quidditch drills with whoever from the team is here."

"That sounds nice, so why do you sound like you're dreading it?"

Draco dropped her hand and she could see him start to withdraw into himself. "I expect my mother to spend the entire week trying to convince me to visit my father with her in Azkaban. She's been going to see him every weekend since she recovered."

Hermione reached out to put her hand on his arm and was offended when he flinched a little, but let it stay. "Do you want to talk about that?"

He shook his head vigorously, "No Granger," then he pulled away from her and sat back up. "I think it's better when we stick to light topics of conversation."

Hermione was a little hurt, especially since she had just finished sharing something personal about herself. Then Draco stood and muttered, "We should get back, it's getting late."

Hermione pulled herself up from the blanket and stood next to him. "Do you want to go first or me?"

Draco's eyes darkened and she felt bad that they had to return in secret. After the closeness they'd shared tonight she wanted to walk back with him arm in arm.

"You go," he said, "That way you can let me into your room when I get there."

"Will you be okay to Apparate?" He looked mostly recovered from the dream spell, but when he'd stood up she'd seen him sway a little on the spot.

He nodded curtly and she packed up the basket and blanket and left for her room.

* * *

Draco had never been on a first date before. His only girlfriend until now (if that's something he could even call Granger) was Pansy and for them it had just been a slow progression from growing up together to suddenly dating in third-year. Then suddenly not dating anymore, though neither of them were sad about it.

He thought the date had gone well, until the end. He regretted not being able to take Granger out himself. It sucked that they had to sneak around in the mountains because he was a terrible human being who she didn't want to be seen with.

Draco sighed, and why did she have to go ruin what had been a perfectly good night by asking about his father? He was probably to blame for initiating the personal conversation, but she never seemed to have as many sinister things to hide as he did. And this thing between them, Draco wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't just both of them being lonely and desperate for affection and human interaction. Some cuddling and snogging to feel better about themselves, not an actual relationship.

Draco considered going straight back to his room, but there was a twinge of jealousy when he thought of her spending the weekend at the Weasel's house, even if they weren't an item, and he didn't want to send her there pissed off at him.

Draco raised his hand to knock on her door, but she opened it and dragged him in before his hand hit the portrait and he wondered again how she always managed to know where he was.

"I have something for you," Granger said secretively, and Draco was suddenly intrigued.

She picked up an old, blank parchment from the table, then hesitated for a second before passing it over to him.

Draco inspected it, confused, then handed it back to her, "Your last gift was much better."

Granger rolled her eyes then put her wand to the parchment and muttered, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Draco's eyes widened as he watched the parchment transform into a huge map of the castle. Then they widened further when he saw dots representing all of the people in the castle appear, showing their current whereabouts. So _this_ was how she always knew where to find him.

He looked up at her with his mouth open and she smirked back at him.

"How did you-? What is this?"

"It's Harry's. So I can only loan it to you, while we're…" she trailed off uncomfortably, and he figured she was just as stumped about what to call their relationship as he was.

"I thought it would make it easier for you to get to my new room without being seen. It's right here," she pointed to a spot near the old Room of Requirement on the seventh floor.

"Potter had this the whole time?!" Draco watched a few students walking the hallway, then saw McGonagall and Slughorn were meeting in her office and wondered briefly what that was about. The map even included a large portion of the grounds. He could see Hagrid in his hut. Though the dog wasn't labeled, it must only identify humans.

"Yeah, it's very powerful. It displays invisible people and it isn't fooled by Polyjuice. Fake Moody showed up as Crouch on the map. Unfortunately, he confiscated the map before Harry could put it together."

"You're going to let me use this?" Draco was stunned. He wondered what Potter would think about her sharing his map with his rival.

Granger shrugged, then said, "I don't think you'll do anything sinister with it. You just need to let me use it when I have rounds. Oh, and be sure to wipe it clean when you're finished so no one sees what it is."

She held her wand tip to the map and said, "Mischief managed." The map cleared.

"No wonder Potter got away with so much. Between this and the invisibility cloak, wow." Draco was in shock. Wonderboy had been set up perfectly to get into a lot of trouble. He wondered if Dumbledore had done all of that on purpose. Perhaps, he had been a bit mad.

"Once you start studying it, you'll notice it's out of date since a few of the castle's renovations. I was working on correcting it, but I couldn't get the magic right." Draco nodded, trying to rack his brain for a few spells that may be at play on the parchment.

"You should try to fix it," Granger continued, "You're better with new spells than I am." He smiled at the easy compliment and thought how different it was from the beginning of the year when she'd turned her nose up at his invented spells.

"Who made this? Couldn't they help fix it?"

"Oh," Granger shifted uncomfortably, "It was Harry's dad, Lupin, and Sirius. They're all gone now, so there's no one to ask."

Draco regretted asking. They'd all been killed by his side, and again they were both thinking about Death Eaters and how Draco was one. Ugh. This would always be between them, no matter how hard they tried to pretend otherwise.

Granger's thoughts must have been in a similar place, because the next thing she said was, "I'm really sorry about all of this, and how we have to keep it a secret. I'm just, not quite ready for everyone's reactions."

She placed her hand on his arm and he didn't shake it away, even though he wanted to at that moment. "I just want time to get used to this first." She reached up to kiss him on the cheek, and he couldn't keep himself from leaning into her warmth, then he put his arm around her and hugged her close.

"It's fine Granger, it's not a big deal. We study, hang out, snog a bit, what is there to tell really?" He felt her stiffen in his arms and could see the hurt in her eyes.

He knew he was talking out of his arse. This was much more to him than that, but maybe if he kept saying this was casual it would stay that way. The last thing either of them needed now was a serious relationship. That was why he'd been staying away from Astoria, wasn't it? But he didn't feel strong enough to push Granger away altogether, she was still one of his only friends right now.

What was he doing? He had no idea. He should probably leave.

Draco pocketed the map and put his hands on Granger shoulders, moving her to face him. "Have a good break Granger, I'll see you when I get back. Uh- thanks for tonight." Then he leaned into her and kissed her quickly on the head before turning to leave.

Draco may have never been on a first date before, but he knew ending with a chaste kiss on the forehead wasn't the best sign. Oh well. Considering just months ago she was throwing hexes at him in that empty classroom every time he tried to touch her, he reasoned it could have been worse.

* * *

It was the second Monday of Easter break and Draco had returned to school the night before after a particularly miserable trip to Azkaban to see his father. He didn't even recognize the wizard he'd once idolized in the broken man on the other side of the bars. His father had recognized him, and even seemed pleased to see him there, but Draco didn't know how to feel about that either.

He'd let his mother do the talking, unable to say anything, and even if he had managed to get words out, he had no idea what was appropriate. When the visit was over Draco couldn't go back home with his mother. He didn't want to see her worried glances or worse, have to discuss his father with her. He'd gone straight to Hogwarts and sent Nessie to collect his things from the Manor.

Draco was glad to find the Slytherin common room mostly empty and with Blaise and Jones gone all week he'd be able to retreat to his dormitory whenever he wanted to be completely alone.

It was morning now and he was sitting cross-legged on his bed with the Marauder's Map laid out in front of him. He'd planned to work on the map as Granger had suggested. Working on hard spells was a great way to distract the mind. And he could always use Occlumency if thoughts of his father crept in. Just add it to the long list of thoughts he had to keep at the back of his mind.

While Draco was studying the map he started when he saw Granger's dot. It was in the room she'd pointed out to him last week on the seventh floor. She was supposed to be in Australia with her parents. Had that been a lie? Did she just not want to spend time with him?

Maybe she was smothered. They did spend a lot of time together, even if most of it was in classes. But she would say so, wouldn't she? Unless she felt bad for him, he hated when she gave him those pitying looks.

Draco ignored her dot, but couldn't focus on the spell he'd decided to try and his eyes kept moving back to her name. He cleared the map and went to breakfast in the Great Hall to distract himself. She wasn't there, and when he got back her dot was still in her room.

Then Draco left to fly, getting more and more angry with her. Why didn't she come find him? She didn't have the map, but she could get into his room, as she'd proven in the past, and she knew it'd be empty. She obviously didn't want to find him.

After flying she was still in the same spot and he was getting upset and working up to do something stupid. He showered, changed, then scowled at her dot on the map. He decided to go to the Great Hall for lunch and if he didn't see her there, he'd go find her.

Granger wasn't at lunch, which was why Draco found himself outside a portrait of two dragons on the seventh floor east corridor. He knocked sharply, then listened against the portrait. He didn't hear anything, then knocked again.

This time he heard shuffling and Granger appeared in the doorway. He could tell she'd been crying, and maybe she hadn't slept last night. She just gave him a small nod and walked into her room, leaving the door cracked. He was reminded of the last time he'd barged into her room, before they'd partaken in too much fire whiskey.

What had happened this time? Weasley again? No, she was supposed to be alone with her parents. He followed her inside.

Granger was sitting on a window seat in a light, airy tower room. It was much nicer than the damp room she'd occupied in the dungeons. He wondered if it was because it was newly constructed or because Gryffindors got better rooms. Maybe both.

Granger had her head against the window outside and he noticed the gorgeous room also came with a spectacular view of the grounds and mountains in the distance. He looked over her shoulder to see Hagrid working in his gardens. That seemed to be what she was staring at too. Had she been in this spot the entire time, just starting out the window?

"Why are you back?" he asked tentatively.

She turned to look at him, then looked like she was a little surprised to see him there, and said, "I'm not really in a good mood. You should go. I'll let you know when I'm feeling better and we can hang out."

Draco cocked his head, confused, then remembered his parting words to her before break. This was his out, if he wanted to keep this casual. And he could tell it wasn't a trap, like the kind of shit Pansy would pull, Granger wouldn't punish him later if he left now. But he didn't want to leave, he wanted to see if he could help this devastated witch who he was coming to care for.

Draco sighed, "Is that why you didn't tell me you were back?

She nodded, then looked back out the window, "I don't want to argue. We agreed, this is a casual thing. And I don't want to scare you off with anything too heavy."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest, "Is this because of what I said before break?" She nodded against his chest and he sighed again. "When are you going to stop listening to the stupid shit I say?"

She turned to him then, and her eyes looked less dead than before. He sensed some irritation in them and decided it was much better than the sadness, or at least more familiar to Draco.

"Just stop saying stupid shit."

He smiled at her, "Well now you're being completely unreasonable." He caught her mouth with his then and struggled to keep the embrace gentle since he kind of wanted to devour her. He'd missed her so much this past week, but she didn't need that right now.

He pulled away and stared into her eyes, which were brighter, but still sad, "What happened?"

"I really won't care if you leave." He knew that, but there was no way he was leaving now.

"Just tell me."

She sat back on the window seat facing him and he stepped in between her legs, watching her face intently as she spoke. "We were at a home stay in New Zealand, it's a muggle thing I think. You rent a room in someone's house. Anyway. The family who owned the home had two young kids. Well they lived on a lake and when I was outside one of their younger ones ran in.

I was too far away so I used magic to get him out. I knew it'd be approved to use it around muggles since it was an emergency. But my parents, they were horrified. And I think they may have preferred me let him drown. Or run after him, like a 'normal' person."

She stopped then to catch her breath, then continued. "I mean that's when it became clear to me that they've never forgiven me for taking their memories during the war. And maybe they never will. They asked me to leave. They said they wanted a relaxing magic free trip. When I asked how I fit into their life (as a magical person), they said I was welcome, but the magic part was not. But it's not- it's not just a part-" she couldn't finish and was crying freely now, and Draco cupped her face in his hands.

"It's not a part of you," he continued for her. "You are magic, just as much as a dragon or a unicorn. And you can't just put it aside."

Granger nodded, then continued, "I knew I wasn't welcome. So I got a Portkey back here and I've been here since this morning."

"And you've been crying in here all day?"

Granger nodded again. She looked so pathetic. It was a little off putting to Draco who was used to seeing her so strong. "Get up."

Granger set back farther on the window seat and crossed her arms, "No, I said I'm not in the mood."

"Yeah, for fun, I heard you. But you can stand, Granger."

"I don't want to."

Draco took a deep breath, bracing himself for what might be an awful idea. His instincts when it came to her were usually pretty terrible, but he continued on, "Why are you letting the opinion of some stupid muggles affect you so much?"

Granger was livid, and he stepped back so she couldn't slap him, but he was happy to see a spark in her eyes, even though it was a spark of rage and it was directed right at him. "Stupid muggles? Those are my parents Draco! You think just because someone is a muggle they are worthless, but they are people with feelings and struggles just like all of us!"

Draco snorted, "Well they are behaving stupidly, not accepting who their own daughter is. And I don't know why you're taking what they think so seriously."

"You should talk, look at your parents. You father is in jail for doing unspeakable things and he never gave a shit about you, he just wanted you to be the perfect image of him."

Draco flinched, that hurt, though it was probably true. But he could dwell on that matter later. He may as well finish what he'd started here with Granger first. "Don't turn this back on me, we're talking about your useless parents here, not mine."

"They're not useless," tears were flowing freely from her face again and Draco wondered if maybe this had been a big mistake, "They're – they're just scared. They're letting fear run their emotions and it's probably because they are still worried sick about me."

"So they're cowards? Too afraid of magic to accept that it's there and would rather push you out of their lives instead?"

"No, they've always been supportive," her tone was softer now, more contemplative, "I just, gave in too easily this past summer when I agreed to lock my wand away. I never tried to explain what magic means to me. If I did, I mean, I think they'll come to understand. I think I'm still trying to figure it out myself," she looked at him questioningly, and he wanted to reach for her, but wasn't sure if she was done trying to hit him yet.

"What? How magic fits into your life?"

"No, just how I fit into this world I guess. When they asked me to leave I just felt, homeless. I don't have a place with them, and in a few months I won't have a place here. I'm losing my spot with Harry and Ron. Where do I belong, Draco?"

He approached her then and pulled her into her arms, and she cried into his shoulder. After a few moments, he whispered, "You're going to be fine Granger. I meant what I said, you're magic, it practically crackles from your skin, you belong here."

He didn't know what he meant. The magical world? Or his arms? That was another thought he could dwell on later.

She pulled away and glared at him, "Did you insult my parents on purpose?"

He shrugged, "I had to snap you out of it."

She shook her head, then said, "You Slytherins have very strange ways of cheering people up. First you get me drunk, then you yell at me."

Draco shrugged again. Unsure how to respond to that.

She continued, "I'm sorry for what I said about your-"

"It's fine," Draco cut her off. They didn't need to talk about his father right now.

"Did you see him?"

Draco nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," his voice cracked, and he waited a few seconds to regain his composure before saying, "But it's not because I think this is just some, casual thing. I just – we have enough issues to focus on with your problems right now." He gave her a small smirk and was relieved when she laughed back. She wasn't completely back to normal, she still looked sad, but she wasn't completely catatonic anymore. The feeling of belonging nowhere, he knew that one well. But she had so many friends, she shouldn't have to feel that way. He felt guilty knowing that her relationship with him would make her relationship with her friends more distant.

Then Draco got an idea, something that would surely help her, but he considered keeping it to himself. _You are such a selfish git._ _Tell her, you owe her this at least._

"Uh Granger?"

"Yeah?" She was looking out the window again and pulled her gaze back to him.

"Why don't you spend a few days with the Weasleys?"

She snapped her head up and he didn't blame her, it was something he never thought he'd suggest either.

He continued in a rush, "The adult ones, I don't remember their names. But it would make you feel better, you said they were like substitute parents, right?"

She was still confused, then was looking at him like she didn't know him, but in a good way. "I mean, you're right, but- but what about you?"

"I was already planning to spend the week alone, what's a few more days?"

She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly and then started to pack, looking lighter already. Draco felt warm thinking about how she'd looked when he walked in and how she was looking now. He'd done that, mostly. He tried to think of the last time he'd behaved completely selflessly. Helping his mother, but no other times came up. What was this witch doing to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this nice fluffy chapter with limited conflict. This took me forever to write. It turns out I struggle with the nice, fun stuff but the heavy conflict comes easy to me. I wonder what that says about me as a person. Anyhoo, thanks for your continued support! Please leave a note and let me know what you thought of the chapter. Next update tomorrow!


	21. Harry's Report

**Chapter 21 – Harry's Report**

Hermione went to the Burrow Monday night and stayed there for most of the next day. It was exactly what she needed to pull herself out of her bad mood following the trip with her parents. Molly tried to convince her to stay through the week, but she made up some excuse about homework and returned to the castle Tuesday around dinner. Draco appeared outside her room soon after she got back and she wondered if he'd been watching for her on the map.

Draco had spent the entire break with her since then, except for a few Quidditch practices and the times he'd retreat to his dormitory to sleep. He'd come back early each morning with a pile of food from the kitchens. It was lovely. They talked, and snogged, and made up games, and read together, and did a bit of homework (at Hermione's insistence). Hermione was dreading having to return to classes the next day where they'd have to pretend they didn't like each other.

Currently they were playing a game Draco taught her where they used a wind charm to carefully float a bubble back and forth. It seemed easy, but was actually tricky to get the wind right without popping the bubble or letting it fall to the ground.

Draco had just explained the inspiration behind the bubble game he and Blaise had invented a few weeks ago and she dropped her wand and the bubble that was floating toward her popped on her shoulder. "Wait, what? Anthony tried to sabotage your match?"

Draco shrugged, "We're not sure it was him, but the fact that he didn't turn us in when we retaliated makes me think he was definitely involved."

"Huh," Hermione couldn't believe Anthony would cheat like that, he was Head Boy. But she remembered what she'd learned about him at the Quidditch match. Lucius had killed his brother. It wasn't fair to punish Draco for that, but she knew a lot of students didn't know how strained Draco and his father's relationship was. She wasn't even sure of the details behind it and Draco shut down at the mere mention of him.

She considered briefly telling Draco why Anthony hated him so much but she held her tongue. Maybe he already knew. But even if he didn't, what could he do about it now? And she didn't want to ruin his good mood by bringing his father up right now.

"I told you he was an arse, I'm glad you didn't go on that date with him," Draco muttered, conjuring another bubble and floating it over to her.

Hermione floated the bubble back to Draco this time and responded, "No, I just started dating an even bigger arse instead."

Draco grabbed her outstretched leg, which was on top of his on the couch and squeezed the part below her knee that he'd discovered tickled her immensely. She recoiled and tried unsuccessfully to pull her leg out of his grasp, "Ahh, stop it," she giggled and he moved up to tickle her stomach instead.

"I would, but I'm too much of an arse for that," he joked, then stopped when his head was hovering above hers. She tried to wiggle away but he was pinning her to the couch so she just stuck her tongue out at him.

"Real mature Granger."

"You should talk."

He bent down and started kissing her neck and she forgot momentarily how they'd arrived in this position. They always seemed to arrive in this position, whether they'd started out talking or doing homework. Draco was very sneaky, but then again, he _was_ a Slytherin.

"Wait," she pushed him back and he pulled up onto his arms and cocked his head at her.

"I was winning that bubble game, you just did this to try to distract me. You always do that when I'm about to win."

He shook his head at her and said, "We can finish the stupid game later Granger, now shut up." He leaned forward and returned to her neck and she listened to him. She'd scold him for bossing her around later.

* * *

Harry was sitting in his cubicle at the Ministry glaring at the report on his desk. He hated desk work, but occasionally he had to take the day to write out crime reports. This particular one he'd been putting off for a while, but it was time to get it done. It was the report of his attack on Christmas Eve.

Harry was putting the finishing touches on his write-up when he saw he'd made a note to himself to get an official interview from Kreacher. Kingsley had mentioned off-hand that it was odd that Kreacher was the one to report the incident since it wasn't common for house elves to appear to help their masters without being called.

Harry agreed that something about Kreacher's involvement had seemed off, but with the excitement of Christmas he'd forgotten to follow-up with the elf. He looked around and the office was mostly empty. Aurors spent most of their time away from their desks, which was a big reason why Harry liked the job. Well he may as well get this over with. "Kreacher, can I speak with you?"

"Master called Kreacher?" the elf appeared just outside his cubicle and Harry motioned for him to come inside the small space.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you about my attack on Christmas Eve."

Kreacher's casual demeanor changed instantly and Harry could see terror in his eyes. It reminded him of Dobby and he felt a stab at the thought of his dead friend. He'd made a pact never to order Kreacher around again after Dobby died so he was careful with his next words.

"I will not order you to tell me anything you don't want Kreacher." Kreacher's eyes were still wide and scared, but he nodded.

"Is there – um, if you would like to tell me if you know more about this attack, you can."

Kreacher was silent for a time, then he said in a rush, "Master was never in danger, Kreacher would never let master be hurt. Master must understand. And master's own friend she- she told Kreacher to do it."

Harry had no idea what Kreacher was talking about. But it was clear he knew more about that attack than he'd originally let on. And what friend was he talking about?

"Which friend Kreacher? I mean – only tell me if you want. Ginny? Hermione?" Harry remembered then that Hermione and Kreacher had been in communication over the break. Did _she_ know something about the attack?

"Master's muggle-born friend," Kreacher admitted in a soft croak, and Harry could see he was still terrified. That was all Harry needed, he could go to Hogwarts now and ask Hermione about it. She wouldn't be this hard to talk to.

"Kreacher, I am not angry with you, I'll just ask Hermione. You can go – if you want."

Kreacher nodded and Disapparated. Harry looked at the clock on his desk. It was 2pm. He could be in Hermione's room in under an hour, ask her about this whole thing, then maybe stay on for dinner. It would be nice to see Ginny too. He grabbed his cloak and stuffed the report in his bag, then went to the Ministry entrance so he could Disapparate, wishing he could Apparate freely like Kreacher.

* * *

Hermione looked longingly after Draco as he walked away from the Arithmancy classroom toward her dormitory. She saw his expression darken when he turned back toward her and saw who she was talking to. She shrugged apologetically and tried to focus back on Anthony.

It had been jarring returning to classes after spending a week alone together. Hermione had to catch herself from reaching out to fix Draco's tie, give him a quick kiss on the cheek, or grab his hand. And now that she was closer to Ginny and Luna's rooms she had to be sure her friends were busy before inviting Draco over.

They'd been looking forward to today since they both had the entire afternoon and night free while her friends were otherwise occupied. She knew how he'd want to spend their time together, but they really should work on the Runes homework first. She'd given Draco her password over break so she knew he'd be waiting in her common room for her. Hermione wished she could go join him but Anthony had caught her after class to talk about a problem he'd been having with the Hufflepuffs that she didn't really care about.

But she tried to listen politely. Her interactions with Anthony had been extremely awkward since she'd left him alone on the path on their way to their date and she did need to work with him for the remainder of the year. But it was hard to look at him the same after all of the stories Draco had told her about him. The points he'd docked for Draco's howlers, the threats about him playing Quidditch, and then the prank that had backfired so spectacularly. A part of her wished Draco had gotten a photo.

She noticed then that Anthony had stopped talking and was waiting for her to respond. She hesitated, "I understand their reluctance to participate," Hermione said finally, hoping she'd accurately caught the gist of the issue while her mind had been wandering, "but if they don't put themselves out there they may regret it later, we're only in school and presented with these opportunities once."

Anthony looked at her oddly, and she thought maybe she'd heard him wrong and was about to backtrack, "I mean-"

"No, you're right, it's just such a Gryffindor response."

She snorted, not sure if it was a compliment or an insult.

"Are you alright Hermione?" The question was confusing. Did she not look alright? She just wanted to be done with this conversation really, she was fine.

"I'm fine, well good luck Anthony." She rushed back to her room before he could catch up with her.

When she got back Draco was lounging on the couch with a book in his lap. He looked like he'd been there for hours, though she knew it must have been five minutes. He had a way of appearing comfortable no matter where he was that Hermione envied. When she came in he put his book on the table and held his arm out and nodded to the empty spot at his side, "Come join me Granger."

She shook her head, he was so predictable. "We really have to study today."

"Yeah, yeah, let me guess, worried about Runes? That'll take us less than an hour, now get over here."

She didn't typically like being bossed around, but she let this one slide and joined him on the couch.

About an hour later Draco and Hermione were sitting around the coffee table working on the Runes assignment when someone knocked insistently at the door. She knew Ginny had Quidditch practice and Luna was visiting Hagrid. Who could it be? Her question was soon answered by Harry's voice on the other side of the portrait, "Hermione, it's Harry, I need to talk to you."

Hermione stood up quickly and Draco followed her, though he merely looked amused and not scared like she felt.

"Hide, in my room," she gathered his books and bag and nearly threw them into the bedroom after him. Draco shook his head but she was relieved he'd listened to her. She looked around for any other signs of Draco but Harry was pounding on the door again so she moved to answer it.

"Hey Harry, what are you doing here today?" She opened the door halfway and tried to keep Harry in the hall, but he barged into her common room.

As soon as Harry entered, he seemed to sense something was wrong and pulled his wand quickly out of his robes. Hermione had no idea why he was acting so oddly, he really looked like an Auror right then.

"Is someone else here?" he asked fiercely, and she lied quickly, "No."

He motioned toward the table, "There are two mugs."

Hermione blushed, then said, "I was talking to Anthony earlier, about a Hufflepuff issue." Not a lie, just a little misleading, she reasoned.

Before she knew what had happened she saw a faint glow of a body outlined against the door to her bedroom. Harry must have cast a silent _Homenum Revelio_ charm. Wow, he really was a lot better than she remembered. He was making his way to her bedroom door when she grabbed his arm frantically, but he just threw her off of him. She went to get her wand from the table as he blasted her bedroom door open.

Draco was sitting on her bed and looked shocked at having the door blasted open, but Harry's look of surprise was bigger at having found Draco behind it. Draco lunged for his wand but Harry was faster, and in a matter of seconds Draco was disarmed, thrown to the floor, and bound.

Harry turned on Hermione then and disarmed her then pushed her against the wall, his arm pressing into her throat rougher than she'd ever felt Harry touch her. He was searching her eyes desperately, looking for his friend. She wondered what he was finding there and hoped it was good since she currently couldn't speak or breathe with his arm blocking her windpipe.

"Potter," Draco said from the floor, "She can't breathe. Just ask her something only she should know and release her." Hermione couldn't move her head to see Draco but she could hear him struggling against his binds and she hoped he was okay.

Harry loosened his grip on her throat but kept her in place, then asked quickly, "What did we find in the Forest of Dean?"

"The sword."

"And?" Harry's eyes were blazing and she was reminded of how scary he could be sometimes.

"Ron," Hermione said simply, and Harry finally let her down, but he kept a firm grip on her and Draco's wands.

Before she could say anything, Harry was crouching next to Draco now, who was lying on the side of the floor by her bed with his ankles and wrists bound.

"How many times have I saved your life?" Harry asked Draco.

Draco answered almost bored, and Hermione winced, he didn't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation, but then he always had a weird thing when it came to Harry, "By my count, two, but yours is probably four."

"Elaborate," Harry said coldly.

"One when you flew me out of the Room of Requirement and two when you killed the Dark Lord. Those I agree with. And you'd probably claim another time when you knocked out the Death Eater I was battling and lastly when you spoke up at my trial and kept me out of Azkaban. Those last two I could have handled myself."

"The third one was Ron, and that last one definitely counts. I heard from Kingsley himself that you were heading to Azkaban before I spoke up." Draco glared back at Harry but didn't say anything. "So you might want to adjust that count to three," Harry said, then stood, seemingly satisfied that they were actually Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, but he didn't look any calmer.

"Are you going to let me go?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry said, then started pacing, running his hands through his hair. He looked sharply at Hermione, "Do you know why I'm here?"

"I have a guess," Hermione said. He must know something of the attack, she just wasn't sure what. He wouldn't react this severely if it was just about finding Draco in her room since he already suspected they were more than friends. There had to be more.

"Can you please let Dra- uh Malfoy up? You can keep him bound, just let him sit up at least."

Harry gave her an exasperated look, but complied. He pointed his wand at Draco and the binds around his ankles disappeared. Draco moved awkwardly to sitting then crawled to the common room and leaned his back against the wall, glaring at Harry the whole time.

Hermione shot Draco an apologetic look, then asked Harry, "So what do you know?"

That seemed to set Harry off. He began pacing again and grabbed at his now extremely untidy hair. "What do I know? Not as much as I should! That my best friend is plotting with Death Eaters. That you were somehow aware of my attacker, who I assume was Malfoy. And now he's in here and when I showed up you tried to hide him? I don't know what's going on Hermione, but I know enough to know something is seriously wrong here."

"How did you-?" then it dawned on Hermione, it was the only way he could have found out, "Kreacher. But he didn't tell you everything. What did he tell you?"

She looked over at Draco and he looked very confused, but thankfully he didn't speak up. It would be best if he stayed silent.

"He mentioned you knew something about my attack. And I came here expecting to have a conversation with my best friend about it, find out if there was something you wanted to share. Then I find you lying about being alone, and not just with anyone Hermione, with _him_." He pointed to Draco but didn't look at him, continuing to focus on Hermione. "What is going on?" Harry demanded.

Hermione looked over at Draco and he gave her a look like, _I don't see a way out of this._

"Let Draco leave, we should talk alone."

"Draco? So you're on a first-name basis with each other."

"No," Draco snorted and she gave him a warning glare, Harry stared dumbfounded at the two of them, then said, "No, Malfoy stays. I'm not letting him walk out of here to escape or tip anyone off."

Draco rolled his eyes at this and Harry muttered, "Watch it Malfoy."

Hermione wondered if she'd be able to get through the explanation she needed to with these two boys bickering. "Harry, Malfoy isn't in league with anyone, you've got it wrong."

"Is he the one who attacked me?"

"Well yes, but-"

"And you knew?" Hermione looked away from his gaze then, the look of betrayal in his eyes was too much for her.

"Yes."

"You found out later or you knew when it happened?"

Hermione winced, then said, "I knew when it happened."

Harry approached her then and waited until she looked up at him before saying softly, "After everything we went through you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on?"

"I-" Hermione hesitated.

"What is wrong with you Hermione? I get not going to Ron but it's us, you were the one person in the whole world who stayed with me last year when I didn't know what to do. Even Ron –" he looked over and saw Malfoy watching them, then cut off.

"When my wand was destroyed and we were starving with no idea where to go, you never gave up on me. But as soon as you get mixed up in some scheme with Malfoy you let it all go? I thought we were closer than that."

Hermione bowed her head then and began to sob. The guilt she'd been feeling about not going to Harry was finally coming to the surface. But for the first time since she could remember Harry didn't comfort her as she cried. He just stood in front of her and watched in horror.

"Lay off, Potter." Draco said harshly from his seat on the ground.

"I'll silence you," Harry warned, but Draco ignored him.

"Granger," Draco's voice was soft, and he waited until she looked at him before continuing, "I know this isn't how you wanted to have this conversation, but here we are." He shrugged in his binds and she almost laughed at the gesture. "Go ahead and tell him all of it."

"Are you sure?"

Draco nodded, and leaned his head against the wall. She recognized him using Occlumency to clear his mind. Then she looked back at Harry, who'd been watching their interaction. He said, "Yes Hermione, tell me."

She motioned toward the couch and Harry took his big off and sat down. She sat next to him, then waited for a few minutes before starting, wondering the best way to tell it. She decided to start at the beginning, like every good story.

Hermione began with their fight on the train, and their various fights in class, then how they became Arithmancy partners, then how they became something closer to friends. When she got to the part about Draco teaching her Occlumency Harry cut in, "What?! You didn't!"

Hermione bowed her head then and nodded, ashamed. "I was so curious, and he seemed harmless."

"I _am_ harmless," Draco argued from his spot on the floor.

"You weren't at the time," Hermione snapped at him.

She continued her story then, skipping over some of the details from Occlumency, like what she saw in Draco's mind, and when Draco forgave her, and when she tried to kiss him.

When she got to the part in the story when she found the invisible box in Draco's room and what she found inside of it, Harry cut in again.

"Wait what? How did he find it?"

"Oh, I skipped over some details from the Occlumency lessons. He saw you talking to Dumbledore's portrait in my memories, turns out that was why he was so keen to teach me."

Harry walked over to Draco then and punched him in the face. Draco fell on his side and groaned.

"Harry!" Hermione rushed to Draco's side.

"Hermione, he used you, defiled Dumbeldore's grave, and attacked me on Christmas Eve!"

Hermione paused, then admitted, "Yeah, well, okay. Maybe he did deserve that." She still helped Draco back to a sitting position and checked his bruise while Harry watched in shock at their closeness.

Satisfied that Draco was fine, Hermione stood to face Harry.

"Why didn't you come to me right then?"

Hermione gulped, this was the part of the story that was a little harder to explain. She explained about the doll and the notebook, and what she found out it all meant. "I knew it was about his mother, he was trying to save her, and I couldn't – I couldn't interfere. But that's when I contacted Kreacher."

Draco's head snapped up at this, he didn't know this part of the story, but she remained focused on Harry. "I asked Kreacher to follow him, because I had to be sure. If Malfoy was in league with Death Eaters, or being threatened by them, I would have come to you immediately. But Kreacher followed him and heard him confess his plan and he wasn't worried. And I knew Kreacher wouldn't allow you to be hurt so I believed him, and I let it go." Hermione's voice trailed off and she chanced a look at Draco. He looked upset, but she could deal with that later.

She looked back at Harry, but his expression was almost impossible to read. "And then I was attacked," he said slowly, urging her to continue.

She sighed heavily. "When I heard I feared the worst, you have no idea how frantically I worked to get back to you. But you were just stunned, it was almost nothing. You said it yourself."

"Nothing! Nothing that caused me to be tailed by Aurors for months. Ginny was terrified, I was even scared. And you _knew."_

Tears flooded into Hermione's eyes again, but she didn't cry this time. She considered telling him about Ginny, but let it drop. That was Ginny's lie to confess.

"And I guess he used the wand to cure his mother, then returned both wands when he was done?"

He looked at Draco now, but Draco just shrugged, "She's telling the story."

Harry gave him a dirty look, then looked back at Hermione.

"Yeah, that's about it. I mean, I went to the Manor and helped, and I was the one who returned your wand."

Harry began pacing again and Hermione stayed sitting on the couch, waiting for his verdict. But he turned to Draco instead of her. "Why didn't you come to me you idiot? I would have cured her myself and avoided this entire plot."

Draco just glared back at Harry, "That's none of your business Potter."

Hermione cut in, "I think he needed-"

"That's personal Granger."

"It's all personal," she argued back, but Draco's glare was enough to convince her to stop talking and she said, "Fine."

Harry started talking again, "So you both came back to school and just carried on being friends?"

Draco said, "No" and Hermione said, "Of course not" at the same time. They smiled quickly at each other.

"I was furious," Hermione continued. "I ignored him for a solid six weeks. But then, he kind of went – off the rails." Draco snorted but she ignored him. "It was like sixth year all over again," she said in a lower voice to Harry, but Draco heard because he grunted then, but they both ignored him.

"So you ended up forgiving him and now you're friends?" Harry looked at the two of them skeptically.

Draco said, "Yep." While Hermione said, "We're dating," again at the same time.

Harry's jaw dropped and Draco said, "Oh come on, Granger!"

"What? We are."

"I've already been knocked to the ground, bound, and punched. But let's go ahead and add tortured to the list."

"Harry wouldn't-" but she paused when she looked back at her friend. He did look like he could torture someone right now. He was pacing again, and muttering to himself, and was still holding three wands in his hands. Finally Harry looked back at her and said authoritatively, "I need you to come back to the Ministry with me."

Hermione stepped away, "No. Why?"

"I want to hear the same story again with Veritaserum, then have you checked for curses, and love potions. I know there are no official spells for checking for the Imperious, but there are a few methods we can try."

"Harry James Potter!" Hermione approached Harry then and he cowered. She heard Draco sniggering in the corner and avoided rolling her eyes. "You are not dragging me to the Ministry. I am telling you the truth. If you absolutely insist I will repeat the story under Veritaserum at a different time when it is convenient for me. The rest of those would be an insult to my intelligence. Love potion? Come on, why would Draco do that? And how could I possibly have kept this a secret for months if I'd been under a love potion? And you know I can shake the Imperious curse, and I would if Draco tried it," she glared at the Slytherin then and he shrank under her gaze.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Of course I'd never do that."

Harry spoke up then, "You can't expect me to stand by and do nothing after all of that-"

"I do. I love you Harry, and I would never let anything happen to you. I was wrong not to tell you at the time, and I agree that Draco should have come to you the moment he found out the Elder Wand was the solution," she glared again at Draco, but he was pretending to ignore her.

"But honestly if hadn't been for his stupid plot we never would have ended up together. And I kind of like him." She smiled at Draco then, and he smiled warmly back at her. Harry watched the two of them in disgust.

But Harry wasn't ready to give up, "You're a muggle-born and he is the worst kind of pureblood. He hates you, Hermione. He spent six years tormenting you and then another year trying to kill you."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "That last part is an exaggeration. And I know he was awful, but this Draco Malfoy is not the same one we grew up with."

Harry looked over at Draco then and studied him thoroughly, as if to see if this was indeed true. Draco just stared back at him.

"You're the one who defended him," Hermione reminded Harry. "You told me you knew he never wanted to do it, that he wasn't truly evil."

"I said that to keep him out of jail!. Not to send you into his arms. If I'd known that would happen, I would have kept my mouth shut."

Harry shook his head then and muttered, "I need to get out of here."

He grabbed his bag and made for the door, then looked down at the three wands still in his hands. He slammed the two extra wands on the table near the door, then slammed the door on his way out.

Hermione's face fell when Harry left the room, and she looked back at Draco, who was still sitting on the floor watching her. "I need to – I'll be right back."

"I'll be here," Draco muttered grumpily, but she left him behind to catch up with Harry who was almost at the end of the hall.

Thankfully he stopped to wait for her when she called out his name, since she was sure he could outrun her if he wanted to. Once she reached Harry she turned him toward her and gave him a giant hug, and her heart broke a little when he didn't hug her back but instead remained stiff in her arms. At least he hadn't thrown her off.

She stepped back and looked at his eyes, which seemed angry and lost. "He might be a different Draco Malfoy, but I'm the same Hermione Granger. I promise. I know this is a lot, but please don't give up on me. I couldn't bear it." She gave him another fierce hug, and this time he responded.

"I won't Hermione," he whispered finally, "You never gave up on me. I just – I need some time." She nodded, then let him go, and tried to fight back the tears welling up behind her eyes.

He stepped back then and said with a pained expression, "When I came I meant to talk to you about this weekend. I was supposed to get you to change your mind about camping."

Ginny had told Hermione about this last week. A group of former DA members were going camping this weekend in England. She'd refused, for a few reasons. Mainly because she hated camping after last year and had made a pact with Harry a few days after Ron's departure to never camp willingly again. But also, she was looking forward to spending the weekend with Draco while her friends were away from the castle.

"Oh, what happened to our pact? To never go camping again?"

Harry shrugged, then said rather nastily, "I think I also remember you saying you'd never lie to me, so it looks like promises are being broken all over the place lately."

Hermione hitched her breath and Harry looked guilty, but didn't apologize or take his statement back. He continued, "I guess I know why you didn't want to go now. I was –" he sighed, then restarted, "I convinced Ron not to bring his girlfriend, that's what I was going to tell you. I guess it doesn't matter now." He looked angry when he mentioned Ron and she wondered if he blamed Ron for her relationship with Draco.

Hermione didn't know what to say, and she hated the awkwardness settling between them. Harry was her best friend; she should never feel this uncomfortable with him. "Do you want me to come?" she asked tentatively.

"Honestly, no." Her heart fell, "I mean – that's not what I mean. I think you should. It would be good to get away, right?" he gave her a hollow smile.

Hermione nodded, and he added, "It's sort of a DA reunion, so, uh- can it just be you?"

"Of course," Hermione rushed, "No one – I mean, of course I wouldn't invite him. This whole thing is a secret, only you know, actually." Harry nodded, looking a little relieved, but then his eyes turned disappointed and sad again.

"Bye Hermione," he said in a dejected tone before finally turning to leave. The tears she'd been holding back finally began to fall as she watched him walk down the next corridor and turn out of sight.

* * *

As soon as Granger left the room, Draco rose to his feet and walked over to where his wand was on the table. He turned around and awkwardly grabbed his wand with the hand behind his back, then was able to undo the binds. He shook his arms out, then waited for Granger to return.

She was back in just a few minutes, and completely collapsed once she was inside the room. Draco collected her in his arms and carried her to the bed, where he laid both of them down and stroked her hair and back while she cried.

She sobbed for about an hour, and Draco felt overwhelming guilt. This wasn't like the time with her parents, when he felt pangs of sorrow for her having to deal with the difficulties of war. He had caused this. If she hadn't gotten mixed up with him these tears would not be falling. And he knew how to help, he should leave. Tell Potter he'd won and let her make up with her friends, but he couldn't. Draco was getting too attached to her, he needed her. Otherwise he didn't know if he'd have the will to get out of bed each morning.

They skipped dinner, and when Draco asked her if she'd like him to get food from the kitchens she just shook her head. He didn't even know if he was helping, but she hadn't kicked him out, and he didn't want to leave in case he was providing her some level of comfort.

_Who are you kidding? You're here for you, not her._

After a few hours of silence and on and off crying on her part, Granger asked him, "Why did you give me this?"

She was holding her necklace in front of her.

"I-" Draco stopped, unsure how to answer. It was hard to put into the words, the feeling that had come over him when designing that necklace for her. "You didn't turn me in, and I knew you should have. And without you, I never would have managed it on my own. You-" he stopped, remembering that day when she'd come to the Manor. He was sure she was leading the Aurors to him, but she was alone. And she'd watched him cry and she'd encouraged him to continue, she knew why it was important to him.

"No one has ever given me the benefit of doubt before Granger. They've never considered that maybe I wasn't doing something for personal gain. You tried to understand me, and you helped, and I wanted to repay you for that kindness.

I know you thought I was trying to buy you off, but it was – it was all I could think when trying to find something I had that you might actually want. I'd already given you your wand."

Granger nodded, and he really wanted to know what she was thinking. She looked up at him and asked another question. "What are your thoughts about muggle-borns, and me, right now?"

Draco took a deep breath and took as long as possible to release it. He wondered where the questions were coming from. Maybe retelling the story had reminded her of some loose-ends she'd never addressed. Or she was judging if he was worth staying with. He considered lying then, but he couldn't do that when she looked so pitiful.

"I don't think of you as a muggle-born anymore," he admitted, avoiding her gaze. "I think you're brilliant, and amazing, and kind. Well, you're a bit of everything good in the world really. And it's easier for me to separate you from the group of people I was raised to hate."

Draco felt her breath intake, and he knew he'd said the wrong thing. "I'm trying Granger," he muttered, but he wasn't sure if it was enough. She deserved more than trying, she deserved a wizard who would renounce everything, scream it at the top of his lungs, take out a full-page advertisement in the Prophet.

Granger deserved someone like Harry fucking Potter. Draco was waiting for her to yell at him then, to go on a tirade and tell him that he needed to change. But all she said was, "I think you should go, it's getting late."

Well there it was. She was done with him now. Nothing Draco could provide was worth losing Harry Potter over. Especially since he was reluctant to denounce all of his pureblood beliefs. But he didn't believe it anymore. What was holding him back from saying so?

Draco sat up in the bed and looked back at her. She pulled her knees to her chest and dipped her head into them and he dragged his index finger along her spine one last time before standing up to leave.

Draco had known this was coming. He knew once her friends found out it would be too much work to keep him around. But he had hoped they had more time. He tucked the blanket around her, then took a long look around her beautiful dormitory, even nodding toward the ugly cat, and wondered if it was the last time he'd see it before he stole away.

* * *

Draco was soaring above the Quidditch pitch when he spotted Granger and she-Weasley walking the path toward Hogsmeade, each carrying small bags that were probably charmed to hold ten-times the amount of items they appeared to fit. He sighed inwardly.

Granger told him earlier in Runes she was skipping the weekend they'd planned together to go camping with her friends. He figured she'd told him in class so he couldn't argue. They hadn't properly spoken since she'd dismissed him so thoroughly the night before.

Draco barely dodged a bludger, then whistled for his team to join him in the center of the pitch. He had a few more plays from the games he'd seen in the Extra-Omnioculars he wanted to try and he needed to get his mind off of Granger and her fucking camping trip.

After practice, Blaise cornered him in the locker room once the rest of the team had left, "Where the fuck do you spend all of your time?"

"Why do you suddenly care?" Draco placed his broom into its bag and tied it shut, then stood up to face Blaise.

"Just simple curiosity." He shrugged, then added, "And if you've found another Room of Requirement, you really should tell your only friend."

"Why are you so convinced I've found something like that?"

"I'm not an idiot Draco, you spend all of your free periods somewhere else. Not the library, not the common room, and not the dormitory. I know you can't be leaving school because I had Astoria check that damn parchment Granger made and she said it shows that you're still on the grounds. So where else could you be?"

Draco narrowed his eyes, but didn't respond. He hadn't realized Blaise had noticed his absences. And he was annoyed that he'd involved Astoria, that witch was exceptionally clever.

Blaise continued, "And it's not like you'd be invited into any of the other house common rooms…" his voice trailed off and Draco noticed Blaise was trying to bait him with that comment.

Draco sighed, then admitted, "I study with Granger a few times a week in her room." He could tell Blaise already knew this by the way he'd asked his previous questions and hoped by admitting it freely he'd avoid further suspicion. Draco wasn't surprised when Blaise responded with a slight upturn of his lips instead of shock.

Daphne must have told him. She had been keeping closer tabs on Draco than he'd realized. He remembered her taunt about him and Granger having a lover's spat and it wouldn't be hard for Daphne to put together that whenever Draco was nowhere to be seen, neither was Granger.

Blaise continued to prod, "A few weeks ago you spent all your free time drinking with me, now you spend it all with the Head Girl? Studying?"

"I said I study with her a few times a week, that's it. Unlike you, I'm trying to pass my N.E.W.T.s." Draco stood then and moved toward the door and Blaise followed closely behind him as he walked to the path toward the castle.

"But that still doesn't explain-"

"Drop it Zabini, I haven't found another Room of Requirement."

"Just tell me where you go when you're not in the Head Girl's room." Blaise was almost whining now.

"It's none of your fucking business."

"And why do you study in her room? Why not the library?"

"I don't know," Draco said though gritted teeth, "It was her idea."

"Daphne has a theory," Draco stopped, so he'd been right, she'd been talking to Blaise.

"I don't care about Daphne and her fucking theories. If you must know I go outside."

"Outside?" Blaise looked back at him confused.

Draco motioned around, "Yes, mostly the forest. I just want to get away from all of the idiots in there."

"So you sit alone in the Forbidden Forest?" Blaise asked in disbelief.

Draco breathed out slowly, it was a lame lie, but he didn't expect anyone to check up on it. "Yes, now can we go back?"

Blaise started walking again, then said, "Are you not even interested in hearing Daphne's theory?"

"Fine."

"She's convinced you're dating Granger and spend _all_ of your free time in her room. And I thought it was insane, but you did just admit to part of it..."

Draco feigned shock, then made his expression blank, "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Blaise studied him for a while, then seemed satisfied.

Draco wondered if he should be worried, but then again, this thing with Granger was probably ending soon anyway. Then he'd be back to spending his free time sulking around his dormitory and Blaise and Daphne would move on. Fucking Daphne Greengrass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of Harry's reaction? I know it may seem a bit extreme, but keep in mind that he's not just finding out about Hermione and Draco here, but is finding out that Draco was the one who attacked him, that Draco stole the wand, and worse, that Hermione knew about it all and hid it from Harry. So I think it's understandable that he's this upset.
> 
> I hope you all are staying safe and I'm glad this story is providing a bit of escape in these crazy times. I'm going to shift from every day posts to every other day updates from here on out since the end the the story is taking me a bit longer to get through and I want to make sure I get it just right. Thanks for all of the likes and comments and for sticking with me so far.


	22. Camping

**Chapter 22 – Camping**

It was the second day of her camping trip and Hermione was currently walking alone through the woods, wondering again how she ended up camping so soon after promising herself she'd never partake in this activity again. But Harry hadn't really given her much of a choice, she reasoned, and her chest constricted at the thought of her friend.

He'd mostly ignored her this whole trip. Hermione had spent last night reconnecting with Neville and Hannah and some of the other DA members who weren't back at Hogwarts this year. She'd seen Harry and Ginny disappear into their tent earlier than the rest of the group and wondered if Ginny was confiding in Harry about her role in Hermione's deception.

Hermione had stumbled into Ginny's dormitory the morning after Harry's visit and told her everything. Ginny hadn't been surprised but was disappointed Hermione hadn't told her about Draco sooner. And Ginny had reassured her that Harry would certainly forgive her, he just needed time. Ginny was also grateful Hermione hadn't told Harry that she already knew about the attack, agreeing that it was best if Ginny told him that part herself.

Now the group was playing Quidditch and Hermione had taken the opportunity to get some time alone. Luckily, they were an odd number, so no one had pressured her to play. Sometimes they'd make her sit on one of the goals as keeper and she found it terrifying. She always wanted to blast the balls away with magic rather than catch them like she was supposed to.

When she got back to their group of tents after a lovely hike, she decided that this was worlds better than the camping she'd done with Harry and Ron last year and she may have been too quick to write off the entire activity. Not being hunted, having plenty of food, and being surrounded by good company made all of the difference. She could see her friends flying overhead and took a spot next to some flowers and started tying them into a crown like she had done when she was a girl.

She was so focused on her project that she didn't notice Ron behind her until he spoke her name. She jumped, then he laughed at her and took the seat next to her on a jagged rock. He charmed it smooth, then sat back down.

"No Quidditch?" she asked him, making the finishing touches on her crown before placing it on her head.

"Hannah was hurt making us an odd number, so I said I'd sit out. I wanted to come find you anyway," Ron explained.

"Is she okay?"

"Oh, yeah, just a small hit to the arm, she went home to have her mother set it and should be back in an hour."

"God, that sport is so dangerous," Hermione muttered and Ron just smiled back and shook his head.

"Um, how's school?"

Hermione cocked her head at him. Was this really why he came over to talk to her? To ask about school? He did seem to be trying, and they had agreed to remain friends. "It's good, classes are going well, and I've been thinking about a job at the Ministry. I've been studying each department to see which one I'd like best. I know it's presumptuous to think I'll have a choice, but it'll be good to have a plan, no matter where I end up starting."

"You'll have a choice Hermione, everyone knows you're bloody brilliant," Ron had picked up some of the flowers and was tying them together like she had.

"Thanks. Um, how's your work?"

"Oh, I'm finally allowed out on rounds. They are kind of boring, but it's good to be out of classes. I actually like it. I just joined up because Harry did, to start, but it's cool, and I'm pretty good at it, surprisingly."

"Not surprising Ron, you never gave yourself enough credit," he smiled widely back at her and dropped his messy flower chain.

"Hermione," he started seriously, "I know I hurt you, with the whole Clara thing, but I don't want to stop being your friend. I know you write to Harry every week, and I understand why, I know you two have a stronger bond than we do now and that kills me, but – there's time to heal this, right?"

Hermione nodded back at him sadly. She hadn't taken the time to reassess her feelings for Ron since getting together with Draco. What did she feel now? Did she still want Ron? She wasn't sure, but she didn't have to make any decisions about it now, thankfully. She did know she wanted to keep Ron as her friend.

When Hermione didn't respond, Ron continued, rambling slightly, "Do you know what I'm trying to say? I'm awful with this kind of stuff. I know you and Harry are so close, I want that with you." Hermione teared up; she wasn't that close with Harry. He'd told her just a few days ago that he didn't want her here.

"Again, you're better than you give yourself credit for," she said to Ron. "I'm okay, and we're good. But writing is a two-way street. How about this? I'll write you a letter for every letter I get from you."

"Deal," he put his hand on her knee tentatively and she covered it with her own. They talked more easily after that and by the time he left to continue with Quidditch she thought maybe they could find a way to be friends. There was so much history there and Ron really was so easy to get on with. And she still loved him, she just wasn't sure in what way, exactly.

* * *

Later that night Hermione found herself lurking in the woods, watching Harry and Ginny lying on a blanket under the stars. She was trying to work up the courage to go over there and talk to Harry. She took a deep breath and walked over to the couple, she felt bad interrupting them, but she knew Ginny would understand. "Hey Ginny, can I talk to Harry for a few minutes?"

Ginny sat up then and nodded at Hermione knowingly, then squeezed her shoulder encouragingly as she walked back to the campsite. Hermione took up Ginny's spot on the blanket and laid down besides Harry. She was reminded of her date with Draco.

_Focus Hermione, this is about Harry, not Draco._

Harry didn't say anything, so she decided to start. "Hey," she said in a soft voice.

Harry sighed, then turned his head to look at her. "I know what you want to talk about, but I don't know what else to say."

Hermione nodded at him, then looked back up at the stars. "Okay, that's fair. I just – I like Draco, but this isn't worth losing you over. Am I going to lose you?"

Harry didn't respond immediately, and Hermione wanted to look back at him to see his reaction but couldn't bear to see him affirm her fears, so she kept her gaze fixed on the stars. "Of course not. I just – I guess I have a lot of questions."

Hermione let out a sigh of relief. "Yes, I would too if I were you."

Harry sat up then and Hermione followed him, crossing her legs and facing him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was embarrassed, you know I hate being wrong, and I'd made this stupid mistake and put you in danger. Then - well after I got your wand back and the whole threat had passed, I guess I was trying to protect Draco. He - well he really has no one else," Harry shook his head, looking disappointed, and she added, "I'm really sorry Harry."

"And when did the, uh - romantic part start?" Harry cringed.

"Not long ago, like a month."

"How?" Harry looked completely flabbergasted and she almost laughed, but kept it in.

"Draco and I had become friends, when we studied together last term. That part was, slow, and odd, and kind of crept up on both of us. Then when I forgave him this term, we picked up easily, we do actually get on well when we're not yelling at each other," She laughed to herself, reasoning that there were few times when they weren't fighting, but it wasn't very serious anymore.

She continued, "The romantic part, uh, well I guess it started that night when I learned about Ron's new girlfriend. Draco was there, when I got back to the castle, and he saw I was upset and tried to cheer me up. And about a week later I had a date with Anthony that I'd hastily agreed to after the Quidditch match. Draco kind of lost it when he found out and was determined to stop it. I think even he didn't know he liked me until then. I didn't really know either. But he asked me to stay with him and cancel my date and I did. I guess that's when we – uh, officially got together."

She looked up at Harry then, nervous about what she'd find, but he was just shaking his head like he couldn't believe it. "And he's nice to you?"

"Yeah, I mean he doesn't call me, you know, of course not. He's annoying, but I guess I am too. And we bicker like crazy, but we don't fight."

"And he's reformed? Just like that?"

Hermione let out a breath and was sure the disappointment was clear on her face now because she saw something flash in Harry's eyes. "It's hard for him, and honestly, I really wish it wasn't. He said he doesn't think of me as a muggle-born anymore, but I don't think he's completely dropped his belief that the whole group is inferior. He just thinks of me as an exception or something."

"Hermione, you deserve better than that – "

"I know," she cut him off, "Believe me, but – he is trying, I can see that. It's not something that he can just change overnight I guess, but I think he can get there, I'm sure of it, otherwise I wouldn't be with him."

"But it's Malfoy! Draco Malfoy! What could you possibly like about him?"

Hermione looked away again and started studying a rock behind Harry. "Do you really want to know?"

Harry nodded. "I mean I can almost see why you'd be friends. If he really has dropped all of the slurs and taunting, I know he was always second in classes and can see how you'd like to finally have someone to discuss lessons with. But- apart from that, how could you like him? He's so rude and arrogant, and – and – awful."

Hermione laughed then, and took a deep breath before answering, "It's a good question. I've thought about it a lot, believe me. And you're right, finally having someone to talk through intellectual concepts with is so refreshing, but that's more why we're friends. The romantic stuff, I – I don't know. He challenges me, that's what drew me to him."

Harry cocked his head at her, and she explained, "To most people I'm just smart, composed, Hermione Granger. Everyone thinks I've got everything figured out and will doubtless be perfect at whatever I do. But Draco, he pushes me to think through things, reconsider truth I'd previously accepted as fact, and be myself and not who everyone expects. And Draco-" Hermione paused and looked back at Harry, realizing she was rambling, but he motioned for her to continue.

"Draco doesn't expect anything from me. He simply appreciates that I'm there with him. He doesn't need me to make sure he's up to date on lessons, or worry about the future, and he hates it when I try to help him with personal matters. He just wants... me. And, I don't know, I like the feeling of not having to be the person everyone else needs me to be."

"Hermione, I hope-" Harry started to cut in but Hermione waved him off, knowing he'd taken her statement personally.

"No, I really am not trying to talk against you and Ron. I'm just, it's just a different feeling when I'm with Draco, is all I'm trying to say."

Harry nodded, then pushed back so he was propped up on his elbows. "I understand. Not having to be what everyone expects, I really get that. I'm glad you've found someone who makes you feel that way Hermione, even if it is Draco Malfoy," he grumbled.

Hermione smiled back at him, "Thanks."

"And I'll try," Harry said, "I'm still hurt you didn't tell me, and I still don't really understand why, but – Well maybe that's enough Malfoy talk for tonight."

Hermione nodded, then leaned a little closer to him and asked, "Are we going to be okay, Harry? I can't bear to lose you, you're-"

"Don't even mention it Hermione, you're not losing me, I promise."

She smiled and laid back on the blanket next to him and he settled onto his back and looked up at the stars with her. It felt so strange defending a relationship she wasn't sure about. She knew there were still big obstacles between her and Draco and anytime she thought of a possible future outside the secrecy of her dormitory she was immediately anxious.

But she tried her best not to think about it, Draco was always saying she thought too much. For now, she'd just see where it went. It had only been a few weeks, and they still had time.

"It's much better than last year, wouldn't you say?" Harry asked after a time, and she knew he was referring to camping.

"I was thinking the same thing earlier today, maybe we were too hasty with the pact."

"Yeah," he turned to her and smiled, and she was relieved to see that it wasn't forced anymore, "We just need to make sure we always have plenty of food for Ron." Hermione laughed out loud then and was glad she'd decided to come; she and Harry had needed this.

* * *

Hermione returned from camping midday on Sunday. Ginny and Luna stayed on to spend dinner with Harry and Ron in London, but Hermione wanted to get back to see Draco. They hadn't parted on the best of terms and she owed him an apology. It hadn't been fair to take out her melancholy on him, especially since she knew what she was getting into when she chose to date him.

The problem was she couldn't find Draco anywhere. She'd expected to find him in her room, but it was empty, and it didn't seem like he'd visited at all in her absence based on how eager Crookshanks had been for a cuddle. She obliged the cat for a few minutes, then set off to look around the rest of the castle. She tried the Great Hall, the library, and a number of abandoned classrooms. When neither of those worked, she disguised herself and entered the Slytherin common room. He wasn't in there and his dormitory was empty. Maybe he'd gone home. She rushed to the prefect office to check the parchment, but it showed that he was at Hogwarts somewhere.

Hermione was outside now, having just checked the Quidditch pitch and locker rooms with no luck. She was walking along the edge of the forest when she spotted him sitting cross-legged on the grass. His elbows were on his knees and he was leaning over a parchment that looked like the map and as Hermione got closer, she saw there were other parchments scattered around him on the ground. She stood about six feet away and watched him, unnoticed. He was muttering under his breath and tapping the map with his wand.

After speaking an incantation that caused his wand tip to glow orange, Draco suddenly looked sharply up at her standing there. Hermione shuffled toward him, then said, "Hi," when she was just a foot away.

"I always wondered how you had this uncanny ability to show up wherever I was. Then I learned about the map. But _I_ have the map now," he cocked his eyebrow and leaned back on his hands, looking up at her.

"Were you trying to hide from me?"

"How was your trip?" He looked back at the map and she thought maybe he was trying to avoid her eyes.

"It was good, I'm glad I went."

"Humph," was his reply.

Hermione sat on the ground across from Draco and looked down at the map in front of him, "Any luck?" she knew he'd been trying to extend the boundaries and guessed by his current location he was seeing if he could get the map to work in the forest.

"I saw you on here, just now, but it only works when I do the spell. It fades a few seconds after. I can't get the magic to last. Maybe if I tried using the Elder Wand," he said pensively.

"Don't even think about it. Plus, Kingsley himself warded it so no one is touching that thing again."

"Right," she could tell that he'd only been thinking of ways to solve the problem and hadn't been seriously considering taking the wand again. She shouldn't have lashed out, but he didn't seem to mind, he was acting very detached.

"You could try to mix something magical into the ink, like dragon's blood. Maybe it needs to continuously draw on power somehow," she suggested.

He nodded at her, then made a note on one of the parchments on the ground.

"Hey, I need to talk to you," Hermione said finally, hoping to snap him out of his task.

Draco let out a frustrated sigh, then put his parchment down and pulled his knees up, circling his arms around his legs as he looked back at her with a blank expression. "Go ahead," he said in a flat voice.

"You seem upset."

"Your powers of deduction are unmatched," he muttered sourly.

"Is it because I went camping?" Draco didn't respond and kept looking off into the trees.

"Is it because I was so bothered by Harry's reaction?" Draco was still silent. Hermione pushed his arm then, "Talk to me!"

He finally looked back at her with cold eyes. "What did you talk about? With Potter, on your trip? I'm sure you had some heart to heart under the stars." Hermione looked away. He knew her too well. She wished she could say the same about him.

"You, obviously," she finally said. Draco let out a breath. "He wanted to know how we got together and what I liked about you. And uh – well if you still hated muggle-borns."

She looked back at Draco, but he was looking off toward the mountains, thinking about something. "Can you tell me what's bothering you?" Hermione inched closer to Draco, but he curled up tighter, as if trying to keep himself safe from her. She was hurt but leaned away to give him space. After some time, he responded.

"Did you come here today to break this off?"

"No," she said quickly. "I'm not ready for this to be over."

"I thought, Potter would give you some ultimatum – him or me, and you'd obviously choose him."

"I – Harry would never ask that of me. He didn't. I don't want to stop seeing you."

He looked back at her then and raised a hand to her cheek and his eyes looked sad. "You should Granger, I'm terrible."

"You're not so bad. And I'd like to stay with you, for now at least. But I understand if you don't want to deal with all of this drama right now."

He continued to stroke her cheek softly while he considered her words. She held her breath then, worried what his response would be. They knew it wouldn't be easy when people started finding out about them. But they both had thought they had at least until the end of the school year. She hoped he'd want to fight though; she knew she did.

"I'm planning to stick around as long as you'll let me," Draco whispered and dropped his hand from her face. Hermione finally let out the breath she'd been holding. She inched closer again and was relieved when he didn't slink away. "Really?"

"I think you're forgetting how sad my life was before this."

"So, you're just with me until something better comes along?"

Draco smiled, "Yes."

Hermione laughed then, "I can live with that. I think Witch Weekly rated you the number one most un-desirable bachelor, so I don't think I'll have any competition for quite a while."

Draco shoved her over then and Hermione fell onto her side, not expecting the attack. Before she could prop herself back up, he was on top of her, his arms on either side of her head and she turned onto her back and looked up at him, glad to see his familiar smirk had replaced the troubled look from moments before. He dipped his head then to kiss her, but before she felt his lips on hers, he was gone.

She pulled herself up quickly and saw Hagrid at the other end of the clearing holding his pink umbrella and Draco was against the tree, stunned. She shrieked and ran to where Draco was, "Hagrid! He wasn't attacking me," she checked Draco quickly and was relieved to find him intact, then muttered " _Renervate."_

Draco's eyes were wide with alarm when he woke up, then softened when he saw hers. Then he looked around and glared angrily at Hagrid's form behind her. She turned to face Hagrid.

"What?" Hagrid yelled, inching closer to the pair.

"We're together," Hermione explained, putting herself between Hagrid and Draco.

"Yer with Malfoy? A Death Eater?"

Draco huffed behind her, but she just said firmly, "Yes."

"Does Harry know?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, but was glad that she could truthfully say, "Yes."

"And he's okay with – this?" Hagrid motioned toward Draco.

"He's – tolerating it," Hermione admitted, crossing her arms.

"Well then I guess I'll leave you" Hagrid muttered, glaring nastily at Draco, "I need to check the thestrals anyway. We can talk about this the next time you visit," he gave Hermione a warning glare and she guessed if she waited too long to visit, he'd come looking for her. She made a mental note to go tomorrow with Ginny.

When Hagrid was out of sight, she crouched next to Draco and hugged him, "I'm sorry."

"That's what I get for trying to kiss you out in the open I guess."

He stood up then and gathered his scattered parchments with a flick of his wand. "We should go. You can go first, I'll follow behind."

"Let's walk together," Draco raised his eyebrows at her suggestion. "I mean, we shouldn't hold hands, but we can walk places together."

"I thought you didn't want your precious Weasley finding out we were friends," he narrowed his eyes at her, but she just shrugged.

"He has a girlfriend."

Draco stood and looked at her oddly then and she recognized the look was him working up the courage to say something. She waited patiently and a full two minutes passed before he finally said, "I don't think muggle-borns are inferior." She looked back at him shocked.

"Really?"

He nodded, "I haven't thought it for a while, I should have said so, before."

She jumped on him then and he barely caught her but stumbled back and luckily there was a tree behind him, otherwise they would have fallen over. She locked her legs around him and kissed him deeply and he responded in earnest, catching her legs and pulling her closer to him. When she eventually pulled away, she whispered, "Making up for Hagrid's interruption," though they both knew that wasn't the real reason.

* * *

She-Weasley was glaring at Draco all through Potions and he guessed it was because she'd found out he was dating Granger. _Fucking perfect._ He thought maybe she was planning to force-feed him the poison they were working on brewing in class today and eyed the antidote on Slughorn's desk just in case.

Draco made it through class alive but was not surprised when she grabbed him with unexpected force and shoved him into an empty classroom on his way back to the Slytherin common room. He looked around and recognized it as the same room where she'd performed the bat-bogey hex on him. But this time his wand was raised and trained on her so there wouldn't be a repeat of that incident.

"I know you're not adequately satisfied with Potter, but I need to warn you I'm taken she-Weas-"

"Shut up. I preferred it last term when you didn't talk, what happened to that?" She raised her wand to match his.

_None of your business she-Weasley._

"What are you doing with Hermione?"

_Again, none of your business._

She was annoyed when he didn't answer her and pressed, "You expect us to believe that after years of tormenting her for being filthy and inferior you've suddenly reformed and like her enough now to date her?"

"I don't care what you do or don't believe," he said back to her in a bored tone.

"You know what I think? I think it's awfully convenient that just as your family has fallen out of favor you take up with one of the most famous and beloved witches in our world," she cocked an eyebrow at him and he sneered in response. He honestly had not considered this at all, which was surprising since it was just the type of plot his father would think up.

"Like I said, I don't care what you think."

"Are you using her Malfoy?" she glared back at him seriously, then added, "again?"

Draco took a deep breath, then said reluctantly, "No."

Weasley shook her head and looked like she'd have preferred if he admitted to using her to further his status. "Hermione's an idealist, but you're smarter than that, you have to see there's no way this can last."

"You flatter me Weasley," Draco responded flippantly.

"Uh shut up, you are so awful, how can she possibly put up with this?"

Draco shook his head, "Just say what you came here to say so we can both leave."

"I just want you to know I'm watching you. Hermione _will_ end up with Ron, and if she needs to get this bad boy nonsense out of her system before then, whatever. But if you really liked her, really cared, which I'm not convinced you're capable of, you'd let her go."

Draco narrowed his eyes at her, "And why is that?"

"You can't be happy together. Maybe alone hidden in her common room, but what happens out there?" she motioned toward the castle entrance.

Draco snorted, but didn't answer, "Are you done?"

"Yes," she-Weasley turned to go, then suddenly turned back and shot a stinging hex at his hip. Draco jumped in surprise and pain, not expecting the curse. "If you hurt Hermione, the next hex will be ten times stronger, and aimed lower."

* * *

The next week passed uneventfully. One benefit of Granger's friends finding out about Draco was he could be in her room now even when Weasley and Lovegood were in there. Granger had told Lovegood about them soon after the camping trip. When Draco asked about her response Granger had just said cryptically, "She knew before we did."

Draco wasn't able to spend as much time with Granger as he'd like though, since he was taking as many free periods as possible to fit in extra Quidditch practices. The Slytherins had their final match against Gryffindor this weekend and he was determined to win. Weasley seemed just as determined and he saw her out on the pitch practicing almost as much as him. And she was very good, though he'd never tell her. But luckily no one else on her team was as skilled. He guessed his team would be at a slight advantage against the Gryffindors this weekend, but unfortunately were coming into the game 100 points behind, so they'd need to fly almost perfectly to win the cup.

Now Draco was in Potter's Defense Against the Dark Arts class. This lesson was on dark artifacts and Draco wished he could walk out but knew it wouldn't be prudent to piss off Potter right now. But there really was nothing else he could learn about dark artifacts since he'd been taught to identify and guard against them from a young age. He wouldn't have survived this far living at the Manor otherwise.

When it was Draco's turn to try warding the cursed vase Potter had brought, he strode up to the spot and easily cast the wards as he'd been doing since he could remember. Potter inspected his work and gave Draco a curt nod of approval. Then Potter tried to remove the wards. Draco smirked when he saw him try a few times unsuccessfully. Eventually Potter whispered, "Do you mind?"

Draco wanted to let him struggle and show the class that at least in this task, he could beat Potter. But he knew Granger would be upset, so he did a quick nonverbal spell to drop the ward, then cocked an eyebrow at Potter. Potter snapped back, "Well since you have this part of the curriculum figured out maybe you should take more time with the Patronus charm. I could help you with the wand work if you like."

Draco gave him his worst scowl before retreating to the back of the line. After class Granger pulled Draco into the empty classroom where they'd practiced Occlumency. "What was that with Harry in class?" she demanded. "He's finally coming around to accepting this and you're determined to make it worse."

Draco stepped back and retorted defensively, "I've been warding artifacts since I had a wand. I just did it the way that comes naturally. I'm not out to get Potter and I undid it for him as soon as I saw he wasn't going to manage it himself."

Granger looked a little embarrassed, and Draco pressed, "You're so quick to assume I'm a terrible person. It's bad enough when everyone I meet assumes I'm about to torture them and am mourning the loss of the Dark Lord. But I shouldn't have to deal with it from you."

He left her alone then. Maybe he had been too harsh, but she needed to hear it. When he was halfway down the corridor, he considered turning back for her, but kept walking. He had Quidditch anyway and shouldn't be late, they could make up after the game tomorrow.

That night in his room, Draco was awoken abruptly from sleep. It was the nightmare from when he and his mother had been tortured following his failure to kill Dumbledore. He remembered he'd forgotten to clear his mind before bed since he'd been so exhausted from Quidditch practice. Draco worked on clearing his mind then, knowing he had to get as good a sleep as possible. But it was getting harder. Occlumency used to come so easy but the bad memories were closer to the surface and he'd been having to use it more often. He was reminded of Granger's warning about Occlumency over-use from last term, but he pushed that thought out. He didn't want to think about fucking Granger right now. After another hour, he'd finally managed to slip off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Slytherin won the Quidditch Cup. They had needed to beat Gryffindor by 100 points since they'd come into the game so far behind, but Draco had managed it somehow. Hermione wasn't the best with Quidditch, but she'd tried to follow along and it seemed to her like Draco had truly earned his win. Even Harry and Ron had mentioned how in-sync the Slytherin team was flying and although Ginny was fantastic, the rest of her team wasn't good enough.

Draco especially had flown very well, and Hermione wasn't surprised, since he'd spent almost every free moment practicing the last few weeks. Early in the game he prevented the Gryffindor seeker from getting the snitch since his team was too far behind. Then he managed to catch the snitch right as Blaise scored the team's third goal and they were just four goals behind. The final score was 70 points to 180.

Ginny was livid and Draco was obviously happy but managed to keep from flaunting his win in front of the whole school, ushering his team immediately into the locker room. After saying bye to Ron who was heading back to London for dinner (probably with Clara) Hermione retreated to her Head Girl room, keen to avoid the Gryffindor common room. She didn't want to hear them pointing out to her all night that if they hadn't lost the 50 points from last term, they would have won the cup. And she knew Ginny would accuse her of rooting for Slytherin. It was just best if she stayed out of sight.

She and Draco had agreed to meet in her room at eight, regardless of the outcome of the game. She hoped the Slytherin celebration wasn't too wild since she didn't want to deal with a drunk Draco tonight. She wanted to apologize for her false assumption from Harry's class and it would be easier if he was sober.

Around seven she heard a knock on her door and wondered if Draco had decided to come early. It was Harry. "Hey," she said as she opened the door for him to come in.

"Why didn't you come to the common room?" he asked.

"Oh, I thought Ginny and the rest of the team wouldn't want to see me right now. They're probably cursing me for turning them in again."

Harry shrugged, but didn't deny it, "The Slytherin team flew better today, Ginny knows that. And she still outscored them and was clearly the best player on the pitch. She'll get over it."

Hermione nodded and Harry scanned her room like he was looking for something. "Um, I actually came to see Malfoy."

"Why?"

"I want to talk to him."

Hermione shifted uncomfortably on the spot and was glad Draco wasn't in here. That conversation would be awkward and would probably end in both boys attacking each other. "He's not here, I don't know where he is, but I'd guess he's probably still celebrating with the Slytherins."

"Can you check the map?"

Hermione looked away and blushed.

Harry stepped over to her and looked at her curiously, then seemed to put it together, "You gave it to _him_?!"

"It's just a loan," Hermione defended, "So he can sneak into my room since it's so far from the dungeons."

Harry looked back at her angrily, and she added, "He's supposed to meet me here in an hour."

Harry shook his head then flopped onto the couch, "Fine. I'll wait."

The conversation was a bit forced after that. But then Harry told her about a recent meeting he'd had with the Dursleys and Hermione caught him up on what had happened with her parents over break. They bonded over the mutual feeling of acceptance they got from visiting the Burrow and how the Weasleys filled a void they were each missing from their own muggle families. It was good to talk about something besides Draco and be reminded of how much they had in common and why they were such good friends.

* * *

This was without a doubt the best day Draco had had all year. The Slytherins loved him and his team mates finally admitted that the insane amount of practices he'd demanded were worth it. It would have been better to beat Potter, but he could settle for Potter's girlfriend, she was really good.

When Draco reached the hall leading to Granger's room, he checked the map and saw that Potter was in Granger's room. _Fuck_. So much for his plans to snog Granger senseless as soon as he saw her. A few witches had tried to pull him into their rooms during the party, but that had just confirmed for Draco that the only witch he wanted pulling him into empty rooms was Granger. She'd liked him when no one else had. Well she and Astoria, he amended.

He sighed when he knocked on Granger's door, reasoning using her password in front of Potter would not be the best plan. When she opened the door, she looked embarrassed, then opened the door wider and cocked her head to Potter who was sitting on her couch. Draco just nodded to Potter who was pulling himself to standing then asked, "Is he leaving?"

"Uh," was all Granger said. Not a good sign. She was rarely rendered speechless.

"I came to talk to you," Potter was facing him now and his back was straight, like he was getting ready to defend himself in a duel.

 _Well this will be interesting._ Draco looked to Granger, who looked nervous, but just as perplexed as he did, then he motioned for Potter to get on with it as he approached the opposite couch.

"I want to talk alone actually," Potter clarified.

"I can leave," Granger said quickly and Draco shot her a hard look. There was no way she was going to abandon him right now.

"No, just, walk with me to the gates Malfoy. I need to head home anyway."

"And get ambushed by Aurors as soon as we're out of sight of the castle?" Draco snorted, "No thanks."

Potter rolled his eyes, "The thought did cross my mind, but it's just me. Check the map," he gave Granger a withering glare then and Draco resisted the urge to pull the map out. Potter was probably telling the truth, and he didn't want him to know he had the map on him, worried he might try to get it back.

"Fine, let's get this over with," Draco dropped his bag then stormed into the hall and waited for Potter to follow.

Wonderboy was giving Granger a hug and Granger was looking back at Draco with a stern glare that said, _Don't make this worse than it needs to be_. Draco winked at her which seemed to annoy her further.

"Can you guys just – try not to kill each other?" she said to both of them in the doorway.

"I'll try, but no promises Granger," Draco winked back at her again.

Granger slammed the door then and Draco smirked, but dropped it when he saw Potter. He walked alongside him until they got to the main entrance and Potter was silent the whole way. He looked like he was trying to figure out how to start. Well Draco sure wasn't going to help him along, he'd walk in silence the whole way to the gates if Potter wanted.

"I've been meaning to ask," Potter finally said, "About the ward you used in my class the other day. How did that work?"

_Really Potter? I thought you were supposed to be brave._

Draco sighed, then answered, "I laced my magic in the ward with a bit of the dark magic from the object. It makes it stronger and harder for others to untangle, because they are usually only focusing on the magic from the wizard that set the protection and don't try to combat the magic from the object itself."

Potter nodded, "Clever, I'll have to share that with the other Aurors."

"Ok, so if that's all you wanted to know, I'll head back-"

"Of course that's not it," Potter spat back, annoyed.

"Well then, give me your 'if you hurt her, I'll kill you' speech so we can both be done with this awkward conversation."

"Why do you like her?" Potter said quickly and Draco wondered if he'd hoped to catch him off guard.

"For someone who claims to be her best friend, you really don't give her any credit."

Potter rolled his eyes but seemed to be trying hard to keep his temper in check. "Hermione is amazing, one of the best people I've ever known, but I want to know why _you_ like her. Because you've never seemed interested before."

Draco wanted to say it wasn't Potter's business, but knew Granger wanted him to play nice. And for some reason he cared more about keeping her happy than avoiding annoying conversations like this. He was already here, he figured, so he may as well participate.

He sighed, then started talking, "When I came back here, no one would look me in the eye. Occasionally they'd talk in my direction but avoid saying my name if they could help it. Not even the Slytherins, not even my Quidditch team. And the few people who did look at me were just seeing the person they thought I was. Death eater, coward, snake, bully." He looked back at Potter and he was watching him intently with his unnervingly bright green eyes.

Draco continued, "Not Granger though. From the start she looked right at me. And it's more than just attention, she sees me. Not the person she thinks I am, or the person everyone else thinks I am, or even the person she thinks I should be. She sees me how I am now, and the feeling, it's intoxicating. To be seen, understood, noticed.

I don't know if she's like that with everyone, or if it's just me, and I don't really care. But she pushes me to be better. Not, impossibly better, she accepts that I'm rude, and obnoxious, and sarcastic, and moody. But I don't know. I guess it doesn't make a ton of sense, but that's why I like being with her and put up with the majority of the time when she's a bossy, uptight, persistent, know-it-all who drives me absolutely crazy."

He stopped and looked at the ground, not wanting to see Potter's intense stare anymore.

"Have you told her this?"

Draco shook his head, "No. Why?"

Potter shrugged, then looked away from Draco toward the gate ahead of them, "When I asked her the same question, about you, her response was similar."

Draco nodded, a little confused. Maybe he'd ask Granger about that later.

"So you really care for her?"

Draco snorted, "Do you think I'd be on this walk if I didn't?"

Potter laughed softly and they were just a few paces from the gate then. _Thank Salazar._ Potter asked then, "How is your mother? Recovered?"

"Yeah," Potter nodded then and Draco continued, "For the record, she doesn't like you. She just wanted you to kill the Dark Lord. I don't want you getting the wrong idea. The Malfoys are not fans of Harry Potter."

Potter laughed back then retorted, "Harry Potter is not a fan of the Malfoys, so we're even there." They reached the gates then and Potter pulled them open, then turned back to Draco before walking through, "I _will_ hex you if you hurt her."

Draco shook his head and turned back to the castle, remembering the same threat from she-Weasley earlier in the week. _Fucking Gryffindors._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: at times I like Hermione and Harry's platonic friendship more than I like Hermione and Draco's romantic relationship. Those two are just so darn cute and I'm glad they made up, I didn't like them fighting one bit. Ok, stay safe, next update in a few days...


	23. The Nightmare

**Chapter 23 – The Nightmare**

Hermione was curled up on the couch with a large book when Draco returned from his walk with Harry. Her face lit up when she saw him and she put her book on the couch and stood quickly. "You're in one piece!" She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck and he smiled, he seemed to like it when she did that. Good, she thought to herself, she liked it too.

"You don't think I could hold my own against Potter?"

"Well, he's training to be an Auror, and he did kill Voldemort," she pointed out.

Draco shook his head, "On a technicality, and thanks to me, a part everyone seems to forget." He pulled her into a kiss then and she let herself melt into it, then remembered she'd meant to apologize to him.

"I'm so sorry, about Harry's class, you were-" he cut her off with another kiss, then moved to her neck and she tried to remember what she'd been meaning to say, "I was wrong, I shouldn't, have - uh," she was struggling to focus and Draco pulled away and laughed throatily.

Hermione pulled back to look at him and he was smiling widely and her heart fluttered in response. Huge smiles like this were still rare for him and she treasured every one. She was sure that if her friends could see this Draco, they wouldn't have as much of a problem with the two of them. She remembered then why he was in such a good mood and said, "Congrats on the game, by the way," then she remembered where he'd just come from and added, "How was the, uh - walk?"

Draco let go of her waist and she stepped back out of his arms. "It was fine – but I don't want to talk about Potter. I've had enough of him for a lifetime, and I'm guessing this is just the beginning. Were you crying?" he brushed his hand across one of her cheeks which was damp.

Hermione blushed. "It's just my book," she explained.

He laughed at her, "Of course." He stretched out on the couch then and propped his legs on the table. She stepped over his legs to the other couch where her book was laying and picked it up as she sat down, clutching it to her chest.

"This book is literally breaking my heart."

Draco shook his head at her and chuckled. But he was looking at her in a _You are so cute_ way and not a _You're completely insane_ way, so she continued, "I was actually having a hard time focusing in lessons yesterday because I'm worried about these characters. I want David to find the courage to face his fears. And I desperately want him and his father to make up. And when I'm finished reading, I'll miss them, almost as if they've died. It's a little pathetic, isn't it? To feel so deeply for a story?"

Draco was looking into the fire and she thought he wasn't listening, then he said, "You must see yourself in them, the characters, somehow. Otherwise you wouldn't have such a strong reaction."

Hermione moved to the edge of her couch and leaned onto the armrest and asked, "Do you ever get into books like that?"

"No. But I don't feel for others like you do. I'm just too selfish I guess," he said it in a matter-of-fact way, like it was simply an observation.

"I don't agree. I think maybe you're just too practical." She sat back onto her heels and sighed. "Isn't it amazing how some authors can do that? Incite an actual, visceral reaction from me? But they don't know anything about me. And these people," she pointed at the book then, "aren't real."

Draco thought about it for a second, then looked away from the fire into her eyes, "You know we talk a lot about reality."

Hermione looked down at her book, then responded, "You're right. If this were a story, that would certainly be a theme."

Draco slunk across his couch toward her like an animal and teased, "If this were a story, I would be the evil dragon - because, you know, Draco. And you'd be the fair maiden, locked in his tower." He grazed her neck with his teeth then and growled. She jumped back out of his reach.

"Yes, but in that one, the dragon earns the fair maiden's affection and with a single kiss," she bent back toward him and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, "he's transformed back into a handsome prince."

She put her hand up to his face and cupped his cheek and he turned to kiss her palm, then his eyes grew sad and he pulled away, "But this isn't a story Granger, in real life the evil dragon stays an evil dragon, no matter how many times the fair maiden kisses him."

"You're not evil, Draco."

"I am," He sat back then and looked pensive and she wondered what he was thinking about.

"Do you think our story will have a happy ending?" she asked tentatively and held her breath while she waited for his response.

Draco shrugged, "It started with a happy ending, didn't it? Good overcomes evil, Dark Lord defeated, Harry Potter saves the day. So I guess there's nowhere to go but down."

She leaned over to him and gave him a peck on the cheek, "You're so pessimistic."

"Someone needs to balance you out," he caught her chin and held her still while he placed a kiss on her lips, as if her kiss on the cheek wasn't good enough. Then Draco leaned back on his couch and groaned, looking over at the clock. "I should go," he said as if leaving was the last thing he wanted to do.

Hermione bit her lip, thinking, then said, "You can stay."

He looked back at her surprised, then grinned suggestively. Her eyes widened as she realized what he was thinking, "I mean, nothing – like that, well you know…" she was blushing profusely and Draco was laughing at her.

"The word is sex Granger."

"Yes, I know."

"Or shagging, making love, sleeping together, fu-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know those words too Draco," she was properly embarrassed now and was regretting asking him to stay.

"Well you never say-" he started, but she put her hand over his mouth, then clarified, "I simply meant that if you wanted to, you could sleep here, with your clothes on. Well maybe your shirt could come off," she added with a smirk. She felt something wet on her hand then and dropped it quickly, "Hey! Did you just lick me?"

"Gross, right?" He gave her an evil grin, then stood up and took his shirt off, looking back at her wickedly. Hermione kept her eyes on his face, knowing he would tease her mercilessly if she took this opportunity to admire his body.

"I'll stay." He stared back at her for a few seconds and she kept his gaze, then he shook his head and turned toward her bedroom. "Come on Granger," he called over his shoulder, "stop overthinking it."

* * *

A few hours later, Hermione was shocked awake by Draco thrashing next to her. She turned the lamp on and saw he was still sleeping and obviously in the middle of a nightmare. She hesitated, being awoken from a nightmare could be very disorienting. She stood up from the bed and grabbed her wand, just in case, then shook him awake.

Draco's eyes popped open and were filled with alarm and fear and she stood away from him so he could get his bearings. When she saw a look of recognition flash across his eyes she sat back on the bed while he pulled himself to a sitting position. He raised a hand to her cheek and laid his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," his voice was low and husky.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes which were still touched with fear and whispered, "Does that happen a lot?"

Hermione could see Draco shut down right before her eyes. He leaned back and started his Occlumency and knew she'd lost him. "It's fine Granger. I didn't clear my mind before bed. I was distracted," he gave her a suggestive grin but there wasn't much feeling behind it.

Hermione crept closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder before asking, "Draco, do you do Occlumency every night?"

He sighed deeply, then said in a low growl, "Drop it Granger."

Hermione persisted, "It can be very dangerous –"

Draco stood then and went into the main room. She followed him and saw him pulling his shirt over his head. "Don't go," Hermione pleaded.

"I need to get back. I shouldn't have stayed." He walked over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, then rushed out the door. She let him go, determined to bring this up again when he was feeling less vulnerable.

* * *

Mercifully, Granger hadn't brought up the nightmare from a few nights ago. Oh well, so much for sleeping over at her place then slowly convincing her to have sex with him. Draco didn't really mind the lack of sex though. He guessed Granger was a virgin and that wasn't why he was with her anyway. But it would have been nice to sleep in her room at least, it was so much more comfortable than the dungeons. But this was probably for the best, Blaise would get too suspicious and start looking more seriously into Daphne's theory.

Draco dropped the letter from his mother that he'd been reading for the tenth time. He was in Granger's room now waiting for her to return from prefect office hours. He was usually at Quidditch on Wednesdays but found he had a lot more time on his hands now that the season was over. The problem was so did she-Wealey and she tried to drag Granger into the Gryffindor common room any chance she got. Occasionally Granger went and he'd just stay in her common room alone and study. He actually spent a good amount of time alone in her room.

He also spent a lot of time in the forest working on the map. He figured it would be good to be seen there occasionally since that's where he told Blaise he went during his free periods. And working on fixing the map helped keep his mind from wandering, and so did playing piano, but he was finding that method less effective than earlier in the year.

As much as he tried to avoid acknowledging it, his mind was getting harder to control and the headaches that accompanied his efforts to constantly clear it were getting worse. He'd had headaches on and off in the past, but this term they had been much worse. He thought at first it was a result of all of the drinking, but the headaches actually got worse when he stopped, meaning they were linked to his Occlumency use.

Draco avoided researching it in the library since he was worried about what he'd find. If he had to stop Occlumency he didn't know how he'd get through the day. So he tried his best to focus on his routines: assignments, piano, work on the map, Granger, sleep. He just needed to get through this year, then he could run off and distract himself with curse-breaking. Just then Granger walked into the room and sat next to him on the couch, "What's that?"

He looked down at the letter he'd forgotten he was holding as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then sat back and waited for his response. "It's from my mother, she wants me to go to the Anniversary of the Battle with her this weekend. I wasn't originally planning on going."

"Oh," she nodded knowingly. "You weren't, I mean, you were there, and you didn't fight against our side. And, well, your mother played a huge role. But I can see why you wouldn't want to go."

Draco shook his head, "I think it's too soon, people don't want to see a Death Eater there when they are trying to mourn the loss of their loved ones. Maybe my mother should go, she actually played a part in it all. But I don't need to be there."

"If your mother is there you should be too, your absence may be more noticed than your presence. People may see it as you blowing off the whole thing," Granger started rubbing his leg comfortingly.

"That's what she said," Draco sighed and bent to put the letter back into his bag. "I think either way people will find a reason to have a problem with me."

"Yeah, probably." Granger shrugged like it was no big deal. He wished he could be like her, witnessing all the animosity thrown his way from a distance instead of living right in the fucking middle of it. She continued, "But I know McGonagall and the other professors have been working on something special for months and it would be a shame if you missed that. And I'll be there."

Draco snorted, "Yeah, on the other side of the room, pretending you don't know me." She gave him a sad look, but didn't deny it.

* * *

The night before the Anniversary Hermione and Draco were alone in her room. Luna had just left and Hermione was actually glad to see her go tonight. She'd expected Draco would hate Luna, but it turned out he really enjoyed her company. He especially liked it when Luna would go off spouting crazy theories that annoyed Hermione to no end. He would take Luna's position every time and she could tell he enjoyed watching her get flustered as she tried to argue against Luna and Draco's completely illogical arguments.

Once Luna left Draco had pulled out a book to read and was buried in it on the opposite couch while Hermione was reviewing Ministry job applications.

"Do you still want to do curse-breaking?"

He looked up from his book and said, "You talk a lot." She shrugged, he'd said that before, and she knew it was true. But she liked talking to him. Was that a crime?

He continued, "Yeah, that's still my plan. I even started in on the application last week."

Hermione moved over to his couch and he put his book down and pulled her onto his lap so she was facing him. "It's a really dangerous career. And you'll be abroad all of the time, dealing with goblins."

Draco started playing with her hair and nodded back at her, "I believe you mentioned all of those things the last time we talked about this."

Hermione tilted her head and smiled, thinking how different it was between them now than that night in the hospital wing. She never thought she'd be straddling Draco Malfoy while they had a casual chat about their future professions.

"And I told you then that those are all pros for me, then you judged my decision if I remember correctly. And said, 'Good for you Malfoy.'"

She pushed his shoulder and tried to move back onto the couch, but he grabbed her hips and kept her in place. "What about you? Still looking at the Ministry?"

She motioned toward the applications on the table behind her, "Yeah, I really want to work in the Magical Law Enforcement office, but I'll need to work my way up before I can do anything good and the bottom position in that office is court writing, which is so dull."

Draco nodded, thinking, "You shouldn't start there then. Work your way up from another office with better entry-level positions, then you can move over laterally into Magical Law Enforcement. Then you don't ever have to do court reporting."

Hermione nodded, thinking quickly through the entry level positions she'd reviewed, "Good point, I hadn't thought of that. I was just thinking about where I'd end up, not where I'd prefer to start." She moved out of his grasp then and wrote a few notes on her notebook and when she looked back at Draco he was reading again, but Hermione wasn't finished with the conversation yet.

She crept back to the couch and sat next to him, leaning against his side. He put down the book and looked annoyed, then cocked his head and said, "Spit it out, Granger."

"Are you really going to be fine spending all of your time with goblins?"

Draco sighed, "That's part of the appeal, they don't care who was a Death Eater and who wasn't. Not as long as I bring back treasure."

Hermione looked down at her hands then and said softly, "But all that time away…I'll miss you."

Draco raised her chin so she was looking at him and she saw his eyes were sad. "That's assuming you still want to see me then – I will likely do something to fuck this up between now and the end of the year."

Hermione smiled back at him, "You keep saying that, but we're still here."

They sat silently for a while and Hermione was trying to work up the courage to bring up Occlumency. She knew his reaction would be bad no matter when she brought it up, so eventually she decided to just go for it, "Can I ask you a question?"

"When have I ever been able to stop you?" He was joking and she was sad that in the next minute the smile on his face would be replaced by anger.

She was right. As soon as she said, "It's about your Occlumency," his face turned cold.

"I told you to drop it," he pushed away from her so they were no longer touching.

"You told me you used it to keep your bad memories out, but you're using it too much. I can tell you're using it a lot more lately and I have some theories on that, but-"

"I don't want to hear your theories Granger. I have bad memories of events from the past, so I leave them there. There is no harm in that, so fucking drop it," his eyes were a dark grey now and she could tell he was withdrawing further into himself, but she was determined to press on.

"They're not just staying in the past, Draco. They're affecting your present. You need to face them and move on instead of trying to push them to the side of your mind all of the time."

"Fine. But I'll do it on my own time," he crossed his arms then added harshly, "away from you."

"Will you?" Hermione asked skeptically. Draco was silent and he looked past her and started studying the wall behind her. "You won't," she said softly and Draco glared back at her.

"What do you want me to do Granger?"

Hermione looked back at him and swallowed heavily before saying, "You could show me."

Draco was horrified and stood up quickly, "You want to see my memories?! What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't realize you were so voyeuristic," he spat the last part out nastily.

Hermione was getting angry and stood to face him, "I won't get pleasure out of seeing your worst memories, I'm trying to help you." He was about to argue but she kept on, "You sleep like shit, even you admit that, and it creeps into waking time too, I don't think you notice how much anymore. I read about it –"

"Of course you did," Draco said cruelly but she ignored him.

"The only way to keep them from taking over your mind is to face them. And sharing them with someone else is the quickest way. I know Harry had similar problems but he met with someone at St. Mungo's and–"

"I'm not Harry Potter!" Draco shouted back at her and she responded as calmly as she could manage.

"I know, that's why I'm not recommending you go to St. Mungo's, you can talk to me-"

"I don't need to talk to anyone," Draco cut in, "I have it completely handled, and with time it will get better."

Hermione sighed, "In most accounts it doesn't, especially the way you're handling it. It will just get worse. And if you use Occlumency too much Draco you can damage your mind permanently," Draco hitched his breath then and she was glad she was finally getting through to him. "Symptoms of Occlumency over-use disorder include insomnia, headaches, and irritability. Sound familiar? And the more you use it, the more you'll have to. Draco, I'm just trying to help you." When she stopped talking he was silent and Hermione held her breath, hoping she'd gotten through to him.

Draco stepped toward her and she thought he was going to embrace her, but instead he reached for his books on the table and started packing them into his bag. "I don't want your help with this," he said roughly, then, predictably, threw his bag over his shoulder and made for the door.

"I'll see you at the Anniversary tomorrow," Hermione called behind him.

He pulled the door toward him forcefully and spoke his next words into the hall instead of at her, "Yes Granger, and I'll be sure to keep my nod from the other side of the room discrete."

"Draco-" she moved to him but the door slammed before she reached it. She leaned her forehead against the closed door and whispered, "I care about you, and I know you're not comfortable with the feeling, but you need help."

* * *

The Great Hall was completely transformed for the Anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. The sky which usually matched the outside was set instead to the clearest, starriest night Draco had ever seen. The windows were darkened to keep light from streaming in and it made Draco feel like he was literally walking through the stars.

There were floating, glimmering glass diamonds dispersed around the hall and when Draco approached one and he saw it was streaming through a series of memories that all included a Gryffindor girl he remembered from Granger's year. Lavender Brown. The name came to him as he watched scenes of her play out on the surface of the glass. He leaned forward closer and saw her name etched along the bottom of the diamond. He stepped back, awed and slightly horrified. Then he looked around and saw how many diamonds there were, shining like extra bright, colorful stars. He guessed each of them was playing a memory stream of a different dead person and noted that there were far too many.

He remembered Granger mentioning a few days ago that McGonagall had asked her for memories of Lupin and Tonks and some of her classmates and she was puzzling through how that would fit in to this event. She'd love this, the effect was beautiful, even he had to admit. He moved his thoughts away from Granger, but it was getting harder than ever to control his mind, his head pounded back at him in protest.

A few hours later, Draco found himself sitting alone in a comfortable armchair. The long house tables and benches had been replaced with clusters of chairs. Most of the clusters were positioned near one or two memory stars, but Draco had found the one sitting area that was out of the way of any dead people memory streams. He saw his mother across the hall talking to the Greengrass sisters and sighed, wondering if he should join her. No, Astoria was there, so that conversation was probably safe.

Most of the attendees had ignored him and his mother all day, then not long ago his mother's sister had approached holding a blue-haired baby and Draco thought it would be best to give them some time, so now he was alone at the back of the hall. He didn't mind being alone. He'd been getting nasty looks all day but preferred the silence to the outright attacks he'd been expecting. He was using the time now to combat the memories from the war that kept threatening to creep their way into his consciousness. The memories were putting up a good fight and his head was throbbing painfully.

Just then, Potter took the seat to his immediate right. Grateful for the distraction from his thoughts, Draco looked over at the star of the hour (pun intended) and raised his eyebrow, but Potter ignored him. Draco took a moment to examine him. He looked terrible. Sad and dead tired (like the kind of exhaustion that results from not sleeping for days). Potter had given a speech earlier, and it wasn't bad. He'd gone on and on about how he was given credit for their victory but how he never could have managed it on his own. Potter saw Draco looking at him then and opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. "Were you going to say something Potter?" Draco asked in a low voice.

"No, that's why I sat here," Potter responded wearily. Draco shrugged. Good tactic, sitting with Draco was probably the best way to ensure no one else would sit next to him. And he definitely looked like he could use a break. Draco had been watching him all day (mainly because that's where Granger had been, not because he was interested in Potter), and it was clear everyone wanted a piece of him. They probably expected him to say something about every lost loved one. Usually an older wizard like Dumbledore would manage that task, but today it fell to this wizard who was even younger than Draco. For once Draco did not envy Harry Potter.

Draco wondered then where his sidekicks were. He looked around the hall and saw his mother was talking to Daphne Greengrass alone now, well that couldn't be good. Then he saw Granger and Weasley heading toward him and Potter. Draco took a deep breath. Granger gave Draco a weird half apologetic half cheery smile and took the seat next to him while Weasley took the last chair at Potter's other side across from Draco. Granger looked tired too, but not nearly as bad as Potter. Draco wondered how he'd ended up surrounded by the golden trio and tried to think of a way to escape.

Then he stood up, he didn't need a reason to leave. He'd gone less than two paces when a small boy grabbed him by the front of his robes and pointed at one of the memory stars nearby. "Why do you get to be here when he's gone?"

Draco gave him a sharp look, but knew better than to respond. The boy seemed familiar, he thought he was a younger Gryffindor, and he'd obviously been crying over whoever was in that series of memories. Draco tried to shrug him off and move past, but as soon as he'd turned around the kid lunged at him and knocked Draco to the ground, yelling "What gives you the right?! Why are you here when they aren't! Answer me!"

" _Answer me!" the Dark Lord was angrier than Draco had ever seen him. "Answer me Bellatrix! Lucius! How did the boy escape? Again?!" He threw a Cruciatus curse at both his father and aunt and Draco noticed he seemed to have gotten a new wand. The curse looked very powerful judging by his father's reaction._

_Draco winced and looked away, thinking how it was only a matter of time before the Dark Lord looked to his left and unleashed his wrath on him and his mother. He felt his mother's hand grip his wrist comfortingly then, but he knew the gesture was hollow, there was nothing she could do to help._

"Dennis," Weasley was pulling the boy off of Draco then and Draco rushed to clear his mind, then nearly collapsed back down when a splitting headache tore through his brain. He barely kept from calling out, the pain was so bad. _Shit, now is not the time for this._

Draco forced his eyes open and pulled himself to standing, the yelling boy was standing across from him and Weasley was holding his arms. Granger was giving him a very concerned look but stayed just behind Weasley, and Potter was on Weasley's other side.

"It's a fair question," someone called from behind Draco, "Why are you here Malfoy?"

Draco turned to find an older wizard who looked like Goldstein approaching with the Ravenclots just behind him. Draco sighed, eager to get away and clear his pounding headache. Maybe he could nick some potion from the hospital wing. "I'm sure nothing I can say is going to be adequate for you," was all Draco said, and he was right, because next he was punched across the jaw and slammed back into the wall, hitting his head hard against the stone. The pain of the impact caused him to drop to the ground and pull his head into his hands.

He felt a gentle hand on his arm then and knew it must be Granger. "Draco – are you okay?" she muttered in a barely audible whisper. What the fuck was happening to him? And did it have to happen right now? He laid a hand on her arm, focused on the comfort and not thinking of the crowd that would be watching the two of them and how the gesture would be perceived. He felt her pull away and heard Potter mutter roughly, "He's _fine_ Hermione, come on." But Potter hadn't been quick enough, because when Draco opened his eyes he saw that at least a few of the flashes of light were coming from a camera and not from his pounding head.

Then a fourth or fifth year girl said, "Harry, she's supposed to be on our side but she's been befriending that piece of shit Death Eater all year. It's disgusting."

Draco stood to respond but Weasley got to the girl first, "You leave Hermione alone, she is on our side and she's not friends with Malfoy, don't be ridiculous."

"Well that was a touching display of concern for a non-friend – wouldn't you say?" Draco didn't see who had chimed in now, but the voice was familiar, "We all saw it, and Derek here even managed to get a photo."

"This is not what today is about." Potter stood in the center of the small crowd, "Malfoy has been acquitted of all charges and one of the reasons was because he didn't fight in the final battle. And if it wasn't for his family we wouldn't have won, so lay off. This is about remembering the loved ones we lost," he motioned toward the nearest memory star, then added, "not more fighting."

The crowd slowly dispersed, then Draco saw the reporter who had spoken earlier whispering to her photographer and recognized her instantly. Rita Skeeter. Great, this would be a fun article in the Prophet tomorrow. He sighed and walked to the Entrance Hall and saw his mother watching from the other side of the room, looking at him very strangely.

He stumbled into the hall and braced himself against the wall, dipping his head. He'd worry about Granger and that inevitable article later. She had her friends, he was the one who was falling apart. He felt a soft hand on the small of his back and was hopeful for a second that Granger had come back for him, then recognized his mother's perfume. He wondered if she'd witnessed the entire scene with Granger, probably, his luck was that bad.

"What's happening? What do you need?" she muttered worriedly under her breath.

"I just have a bad headache, it will pass," he was breathing deeply but had stopped trying to use Occlumency since it obviously wasn't working and was probably the cause of all of this. The memory of being tortured following Potter's escape was running through his mind again and he let it play out this time, it wasn't one of his worst ones anyway.

When he finally came to, he was sitting on a bench his mother must have conjured and she was holding a glass of water out to him and rubbing his shoulder. He noticed she'd pulled them into a corridor off the main foyer so they were out of sight and alone. Good.

He took the water and began sipping on it and she asked, "Has this been happening a lot?"

He shook his head and felt guilty lying to his mother, "It's just stress. I told you it was a bad idea to come today."

She furrowed her eyebrows at that, but remained silent. She watched him for a time and when she was satisfied that he was going to stay here in the present and not retreat into his head again, she said, "Daphne Greengrass shared some interesting stories with me, and based on what I just saw in there I think there may be some truth to them. Is there anything you want to tell me Draco?"

"Just ask me what you want to mother," Draco was not in the mood for these riddles right now, he was trying to keep his mind focused on the present.

"Please tell me it's not true that you're dating a Mudblood."

Draco winced at her use of that slur, especially today, "You're still using that term? After all-"

"Answer me Draco," his mother responded in a firm tone.

Draco knew he should lie, but what was the point anymore? And he really wanted this conversation to be over so he could tend to his headache. He took another sip of the water, sighed, and said, "I am."

Her eyes widened so much it would have been comical had the situation been different. "Are you insane? Is this some rebellious act against me and your father? You'd throw all of it away? You'd taint our bloodline-"

"Mother, we're dating, not proposing marriage," Draco cut in, annoyed now.

"You're almost 19 and about to graduate, so don't tell me-"

"I'm not doing this now," Draco stood then but his head began spinning so he braced himself against the wall. "We can discuss this later. I'll escort you home but we are not going to talk about this now and not here."

His mother stood and glared at him, but held her arm out for him to take into his own. He walked her to the gates, then gave her a polite kiss on the cheek before she Disapparated.

When Draco got back to the castle entrance he stopped outside the large door and pulled out a cigarette from a box Blaise had handed to him that morning. They were some Muggle medicine that were meant to treat stress. Blaise said all Draco had to do was light them, then inhale and exhale. Draco figured now was as good a time as ever to give them a try. Maybe they worked on headaches.

* * *

A while later Draco was leaning against the stone wall of the castle enjoying the cool breeze against his skin. The wind mixed with the feeling of comfort from the cigarettes was helping. They tasted disgusting, but the lightness radiating through his brain with each inhale and exhale was wonderful. Draco was still weighing whether the awful taste was worth the benefit as he puffed on his second cigarette when he saw Granger leave the castle and run toward the lake. He wondered if she was looking for him and briefly considered going after her when the Weasel emerged. Draco pressed his back against the wall and turned away. He'd talk to Granger later, seeking her out now would be a terrible idea.

He watched Weasley follow her to the lake and growled to himself. Draco didn't like the idea of the two of them talking alone – but what could he do about it? He took another drag of the cigarette. Then he saw Lovegood making an indirect way toward the same area from across the grounds. Good, at least Granger and the Weasel wouldn't be alone then.

Draco turned, not wanting to think about Granger right now. His thoughts drifted back to his mother and her harsh, but predictable, reaction to his relationship with a muggle-born. She hadn't been as bad as he'd expected, he reasoned, but maybe that was because she was in shock, and they were in public. The next time they talked would probably be terrible. He wondered if she'd officially disown him or give him a chance to defend himself. But what could he say? How could he describe how Granger made him feel? Alive, wanted, real. There it was again, reality, he exhaled the smoke in his mouth slowly then and jumped when he saw that he was not alone.

"What are you doing?" Astoria was behind him looking warily at the cigarette in his hand.

"Oh," Draco took another drag, then explained, "these are Muggle things Blaise gave me. You smoke them and they feel rather nice."

"They smell disgusting," she was scrunching her face and Draco noticed the smoke was blowing straight at her.

"Oh, sorry," he moved her so she was on his other side and pulled his wand out to blow a quick stream of clean air at her.

Astoria nodded her thanks, then leaned back against the wall and watched him smoke. When he was finished he threw the cigarette to the ground and vanished it, then turned back to her. "I heard you talking to your mother in the hall," Astoria admitted, looking down at her feet.

Draco's breath hitched, then he leaned his head against the cold stone of the wall, "Oh."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I saw what happened in the hall and I wanted to make sure you were-"

Draco waved her off, "It's fine, I'm sure it will be in the Prophet tomorrow anyway," he added bitterly.

Astoria looked relieved, then said with a small smirk, "You weren't kidding when you said you were re-thinking muggle-born ideals were you?"

Draco shrugged, "Guess not."

Astoria laughed then, "You really hate talking about heavy things, don't you?"

"Yes," Draco admitted, though he hoped she wouldn't leave, he was liking the company.

She sighed then, but continued on, "I know you don't like talking about the war and how we grew up. I just – well I don't have anyone else to talk to about it, so I'm going to keep pestering you. I feel like I recently woke from a dream and am confronting reality. Everything from before was a lie, but it felt so real when we were in it. You know?"

Draco did know, though he'd never put it together so eloquently in his own mind. "It seems like reality is always changing," he muttered, looked over at the lake where he knew Granger was.

Astoria considered his words for a long while and he thought she wouldn't say anything further, but then she spoke again, "I think reality is unique to each person. So you just pick the one you want to be a part of and choose to live there."

Draco let out a deep breath. He wanted to live in a reality where Granger was wonderful, not a disgusting being meant to be ridiculed, and he was already there, but he wondered if his mother could ever get there too. But Astoria was right, everyone would live in their own reality, and just like he couldn't change his mother, he wouldn't be able to change Granger's friends and their propensity to hate him. And it wasn't completely unfounded, he'd done terrible things. He turned to Astoria then, who was also looking out at the lake and said, "I'm going to go back to my dormitory, I can walk you if you're headed that way."

She nodded and stood up from the wall, then said awkwardly, "I- uh – just wanted to apologize. For Daphne, ratting you out to your mother, I mean."

Draco shook his head, "You don't have to be sorry, she did it, not you."

"I think in some twisted way she was doing it for me. Uh – she knows I like you, and I think she thought – well, you know."

Draco was caught off guard by her bluntness. It would be so much easier if he'd just dated Astoria. He'd considered it for a moment, she was beautiful and quite witty and funny. But he remembered thinking it wouldn't be fair to her since he was such a fucking mess right now. But then he'd gone and dated Granger. Why hadn't he given Granger the same courtesy? Because Granger was a muggle-born? He really didn't think so, but did some part of him subconsciously consider her less deserving than Astoria? Damn he was a fucking prick. But he was in too deep now to leave Granger, he'd become dependent on her. And all he wanted right now was to hold her in his arms.

Draco shrugged then said in a forced teasing tone, "I thought you were marrying Jones."

"Shut up," she looked away from him then and added, "You two are really brave."

Draco humphed in response and started walking back to the castle. He was holding the door open for Astoria when she added, "Especially her."

Draco paused in the doorway and cocked his head at Astoria, "What do you mean?"

"Well no offence, but you deal with people hating you all of the time. She's – well, adored. If your relationship becomes public, that definitely won't be the case anymore. But I'm sure she knows that, it's just brave. Is all. But she _is_ a Gryffindor."

Draco followed Astoria down the stairs, considering her words. He remembered the girl who had just yelled at Granger for comforting him in the Great Hall and recalled she-Weasley's words in the dungeon.

_If you truly cared for her, you'd let her go._

He wondered if after whatever terrible article was bound to come out tomorrow Granger would start receiving howlers like he had earlier in the year. At least he'd deserved his. Granger had done nothing wrong, just cared for a useless, broken wizard. Yep, he was definitely a selfish prick.

He was feeling just as lost as he had at the beginning of term and thought again of finding Granger, she really was the only one who made him feel secure when he felt like he might float away. He fingered the box of cigarettes in his pocket, this was the only comfort he had right now, and all he really deserved. He'd go smoke another one after he dropped Astoria off in their common room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first scene where Hermione is talking about how much she loves her book was inspired by my recent re-read of The Night Circus. I love that book so much and I was aching for the characters and was legitimately sad when the book was over. I wrote this scene as soon as I put that book down because like Hermione said, it literally broke my heart and I thought that was something that Hermione has probably experienced too. Check it out if you haven't read it before, it's really good. And if you can get the audio book version it's read by Jim Dale, just like HP!


	24. Memories

**Chapter 24 – Memories**

Hermione was sitting on a rock looking out at the lake, thinking about Draco. There was something seriously wrong with him, that much was obvious, and all she wanted to do now was find him and comfort him. She wished she had the map. But even if she did, would she go to him? With all of her friends around? She sighed, probably not, and he knew that, and it broke her heart. Why couldn't she be stronger for him?

Tears began to stream down her face slowly. Today had been so emotionally draining, seeing the memories of all of her friends, many of them her own. It really was a perfect tribute, she'd have to tell McGonagall the next time she saw her. She'd stood with Ron and his family at Fred's star for what felt like ages, his seemed to go on longer than anyone else's, and Hermione found George's memories of him the most heart-breaking for some reason. But Ron seemed better, stronger. She'd missed it, since she wasn't with him day to day, but he'd turned the corner from the sad, depressed wizard who'd broken up with her at the beginning of the school year. She guessed if Clara had done that, then maybe she had been good for him after all.

Hermione heard a twig snap to her right and turned her head to find Luna walking toward her. "Oh, hey," she said quickly, then went back to studying the lake.

Luna took up a spot on the same rock on Hermione's left, then joined her in watching the lake. After a time Luna said, "Hard day." Hermione humphed in response. She'd picked up that habit from Draco.

"I'm sorry about Draco, that wasn't fair," Luna continued. Hermione humphed again. There really wasn't much else to say.

Then Luna said something really odd, "The crumple horned snorkack isn't real."

Hermione turned to look at her, her mouth hanging open a bit. Hermione knew this, of course, but why had Luna suddenly changed her mind? She'd been searching out the mythical beast's location all year. She remembered Luna mentioning something at Christmas about maybe knowing the animal wasn't real, but then she'd kept right on looking for it. Hermione wondered what had changed Luna's mind. "Since when have you thought that Luna?"

Luna shrugged, "I don't know, probably since this past summer."

"Why did you spend so much time chasing something that you knew wasn't real?"

Luna looked back at the lake, then said, "My father and I – " she cut off, then began again, "It was hard for me to forgive him for turning all of you in during the war. I'd thought he was braver than that. And chasing the crumple-horned snorkack, well it gave us something to bond over after that, something to take our minds off the tension between us. And I realized about halfway through the term that it was never about catching it, it was about looking for it."

Hermione thought about Rolf, who Luna would have never found had she not been looking for the mythical animal, and added, "Sometimes you think you're looking for one thing, but you find something else along the way."

Luna smiled softly, "Yeah. I found so many other creatures during my search. And I found Rolf." She cocked her head at Hermione then and said with her characteristic nonchalance, "What about you Hermione, did you find what you were looking for?"

Hermione stopped to consider the question. What had she been looking for this year? Purpose after the war, a place where she could feel at home, and a way back to Ron. But instead she'd found Draco. Was that better? She still wasn't sure. "I don't know," she said truthfully.

Luna looked behind Hermione's shoulder then and stood up from the rock. Hermione looked behind her and saw Ron approaching. "I'll leave you alone," Luna said, "I know when I'm not needed." Hermione expected her to walk back toward the castle where Ron had come from, but instead she made her way to the forest.

She turned back to Ron and watched him approach, then take up Luna's spot on the rock. "Harry tried to talk to Skeeter, but I don't think he was able to convince her to cut the article from tomorrow's paper. So instead of a nice account of the beautiful ceremony there will probably be something about you and Malfoy being in love," he said sourly.

Hermione placed her forehead against her knees, but didn't respond. "Are you in a secret relationship with Malfoy?" Ron asked gently.

Hermione took a deep breath, then picked her head up and looked back into Ron's concerned eyes. "We're friends, yes, but dating – that would be something, wouldn't it?"

Ron studied her, but didn't push the matter further. After a few moments he turned to her and waited for her to turn back to him before saying, "I am so sorry I hurt you earlier this year, I know you wanted more between us and I was pushing you away. I- I broke up with Clara. I just – it was good for me but now I know for sure that you're the only witch for me. I love you."

Hermione didn't know what to say. This was what she'd been waiting for all year. But all she could think about now was how badly she wanted to find Draco and make sure he was okay.

When she didn't respond Ron's eyes grew sad and he said, "I know – well Ginny said she thought you were dating someone at school," he stopped and waited for her to respond, but she stayed silent. Then he continued, "I get that, I mean I did the same. I guess – I just wanted to say I love you, and I'm ready. And now it's my turn to wait. And I will."

His blue eyes bored into hers and she gave him a curt nod, then he leaned over and hugged her. She bent her head then and allowed a few tears to fall before quickly wiping them away.

"Thanks Ron, I need time, but, I love you too."

* * *

Hermione stopped before walking into the Great Hall for breakfast the next Monday, her eyes caught by something new in the Entrance Hall. All of the memory diamonds from the Anniversary were stuck together to make a giant quilt-like display. At the bottom was written, "These brave warriors gave their lives at the Battle of Hogwarts. Although they are gone, they'll never be forgotten." Hermione admired the diamonds for a while. She was watching a scene of Lupin holding Teddy and wiping tears from her eyes when Ginny walked up behind her, "There you are!"

"Oh, hey," Hermione turned to go into the Great Hall but Ginny grabbed her arm.

"Wait, you'll want to read this first," Ginny handed her a page from the Daily Prophet then pulled them out of the main foyer. Hermione's eyes scanned the article quickly.

**Malfoy Heir Manipulates Beloved Muggle-born**

_The memorial of the Battle of Hogwarts was beautiful and touching (refer to the front page spread for details) but as my readers all know, a scandal is hiding everywhere and you can trust this dedicated reporter to find it. On this particular day in May I witnessed a touching moment between none other than Hermione Granger (muggle-born best friend to Harry Potter) and Draco Malfoy (notorious former Death Eater and heir to one of the most prominent pureblood families)._

_A fight broke out over Malfoy's attendance at the memorial since he was a Death Eater rumored to have killed many of the people being honored. Hermione Granger was first at his side, vehemently defending the Death Eater to her horrified friends. Which leaves us to wonder, what is going on between this unlikely pair? Love potion? Imperius curse? A desperate attempt for the Malfoy family to curry favor by wooing one of the most famous and beloved witches of the day? You can trust this reporter to be paying close attention to these two._

Underneath the article was a huge picture of Hermione laying a hand on Draco's arm. He had his eyes closed, but you could see him gently placing his hand on top of hers. The photo looped through those actions. Hermione closed the paper quickly and stared back at Ginny. "Do you think anyone will believe it?"

"Do you not want them to?"

"I think it's too soon," Hermione admitted. She and Draco were still getting used to each other. She didn't know if their new and still fragile relationship would stand up against what was bound to be an overwhelming outpouring of negative reactions once they became public. Well she supposed she was about to find out.

"And what does he want?" Ginny challenged.

Hermione stopped. She had no idea, she hadn't seen Draco since the Anniversary. He was obviously avoiding her, but she didn't know if it was because of her pushing him about Occlumency or about what happened in the Great Hall. "I don't think he wants anyone to know either. He was just getting a break from everyone hating him." _But you don't know that. You've never asked what he wants, have you?_

Hermione skipped breakfast that morning and went straight to Herbology. This was the one class she didn't share with Draco and she was disappointed that she wouldn't be able to see him. She wondered if he'd gone to the Great Hall for breakfast and been teased for the article. Everyone in this class was mostly leaving her alone, though she did notice Justin Finch-Fletchley giving her dirty looks.

When Hermione left class she discovered the halls were another matter. She could tell students were whispering about her as she passed, but no one said anything outright. Half of them looked angry and half of them looked at her with pity. She spent the free period before Arithmancy alone in her room, waiting in vain for Draco to show up. She sighed as she grabbed her bag before walking to class, at least she'd see him soon.

Draco was sitting at their table when she arrived, but he completely ignored her. That was until she said a tentative, "Hey." She was relieved when he broke into a real smile, then said in a low voice, "Oh hey, lover." She blushed, then looked over at Anthony and Terry who were watching them.

"Not here," she said harsher than she meant to and he looked hurt, then turned back to his book and ignored her for the rest of class. He didn't come to her room for the next free period so she left to eat lunch in the kitchens. Luckily the house elves didn't read the Prophet.

Outside of Runes Anthony was talking to a younger Ravenclaw and when he saw Hermione he gave her a look of disapproval. "Please tell me this isn't about that article," she snapped at him, and the younger boy he'd been talking to stole away.

Anthony sighed, then said, "I don't believe you're dating like Skeeter said, but there's no doubt you're close to him. And he's a Death Eater, evil. You know what his father did. It's just – upsetting."

"He's not evil and he's not his father," Hermione bit back, then moved to her usual spot in the Runes classroom. She was disappointed when Draco arrived a few minutes later and sat on the opposite side of the room. She couldn't be sure, but she thought she detected a dismissive shake of the head from Professor Babbling when she was returning papers, but it could have just been Hermione's imagination since she was on edge by that point in the day. Regardless, she hung her head for the rest of class.

After Runes Draco was waiting for her in the hall and she thought maybe he meant to walk with her to Potions. They would walk to classes together on occasion without raising too much notice. But today was different, she could feel everyone else's glare on the two of them. "I don't think we should today," she whispered to him, "it's too soon."

"You're seriously worried about some fucking article?" he snapped back, "There's no way anyone believes it."

"We should talk about this, but not here, everyone's watching us," Hermione cocked her head toward a group of fourth-years that were staring at them obviously and whispering to each other.

"And since when are you such a coward?"

"It's not that I-"

"No, I get it. This is convenient, in secret, when you have time. But as soon as it gets hard it's not worth it. You told me I wasn't worth your time before, I should have listened." She saw his expression change then and he snapped his eyes closed and she recognized the look of him using Occlumency.

She started to scold him, "Draco, I told you –"

His eyes popped open and he looked back at her angrily, "You don't get to be concerned. Not now." Hermione couldn't help but look sidelong toward the group of students, wondering how their argument was being perceived. Unfortunately Draco noticed. "I'll make this easier for you," he growled, then raised his voice and said in a clear tone, "The only time a Malfoy would take any romantic interest in a Mudblood would be in your dreams. Next time keep your bushy head out of my business." He turned on the spot and marched toward the dungeons while she gripped the strap of her bag tightly, trying to keep from crying.

_What are you doing? Draco means more to you than the opinion of these stupid fourth-years._

Hermione marched over to the group of students and said, "Mind your business. Who I do and do not choose to be friends with is not your concern. Now leave before I dock points for your rudeness," she turned back toward where Draco had disappeared then, leaving before she could enjoy the shocked expressions on the students' faces.

* * *

Draco never made it to Potions. The headache that had been threatening to take over his mind all weekend finally succeeded. He felt himself going in and out of consciousness as he made his way through the castle to the only person he thought could help. He was no longer able to use Occlumency and he had completely lost control of the memories he'd been working so hard to keep in the back of his mind. They were all flooding across his consciousness in a rush. He'd walk a few steps then have to stop to relive a _Crucio_ , a few more paces, then he was watching his father writhe on the floor. He stumbled forward, then watched three goblin heads roll on the ground at his feet.

Draco had no idea how long it took him to get to the gargoyle statue. Then he realized he didn't have the password. "Fuck – ugh – Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, phoenix, Potter, Quidditch," he slid to the ground, the words coming from his mouth turning incoherent as he gave in to the newest wave of memories. He felt bile rush into his mouth as he watched the little boy swinging in the park and rushed to swallow it back into his stomach. Then he passed out.

He awoke to warm hands on his face. "Draco!" someone said in an urgent whisper. _Female, not Granger._ That was all he thought before he drifted out of consciousness again.

"What's wrong with him?" This was a female voice too, vaguely familiar but he couldn't place it.

"Just go – and Nancy, if you breathe a word of this to anyone I'll write your mum personally and tell her where you spend your nights," he recognized this voice, it was Astoria. _Thank Salazar_ , besides Granger, this really was the best person to have found him in this vulnerable state.

"You wouldn't-" the girl named Nancy responded, and he couldn't see Astoria but pictured a harsh glare, then he could hear Nancy's footsteps as she disappeared down the hall.

"What do you need? Hospital wing?" Astoria muttered, noticing that he was looking back at her.

"No, just McGonagall, do you know the password?" he cocked his head toward the gargoyle statue.

"Are you sure? I can help you there, it's not far-"

"No, just…password," Draco could feel another wave of memories coming and he'd rather be away from the open hall before playing through them.

"Uh – yeah, it's _Never Forget_."

 _How fucking poetic,_ Draco thought to himself as the gargoyle moved out of the way and Astoria helped him to standing. They struggled up the stairs and when they got to the top Astoria pounded quite forcefully on the door. "Headmistress! Headmistress McGonagall!"

McGonagall opened the door quickly and she seemed surprised to see the two of them, then her eyes widened when she saw Draco. He wondered how bad he looked to cause that reaction in someone who usually kept a straight face. He hadn't slept since Saturday night, and now he had started to shake, that probably didn't look very good. She rushed them in and practically threw him into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"What has happened?" McGonagall said with the straightforward dread of someone who had seen too much. He thought by this point he could say the Dark Lord himself was back and she would just give them a curt nod.

"I don't know," Astoria began in a rush, her voice was high and Draco thought she sounded like she was holding back tears, "I found him passed out outside your statue. He didn't know the password. I tried to get him to go to the hospital wing but he insisted on coming here."

"Thank you, Miss Greengrass," McGonagall gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder, "I think I can take it from here."

"Oh, um, okay." Astoria approached Draco then and he was surprised when she embraced him, but she seemed to be using the action for the opportunity to whisper in his ear, "Do you want me to tell Hermione?" Draco gave her a slight shake of the head and she looked confused, then left the office.

"Now tell me frankly, what is going on?" McGonagall crossed her arms and fixed Draco with a stern glare.

"No one is in danger or anything, I just need to talk to them," he motioned to the portraits behind her, "about – uh – Occlumency."

Right then another memory passed through Draco's mind. This time it was the whole scene of the goblin massacre, not just the heads rolling on the floor at the end. He vomited and when he was coming back to reality he was on the floor. McGonagall had just finished vanishing the sick and Draco was shaking again, wrapping his arms around himself in an effort to stop it.

"What is this?" McGonagall looked scared and Draco saw that she'd directed the question at the portraits, not him.

"Mr. Malfoy," Draco recognized Dumbledore's voice. He tried to pull himself back into the chair, but didn't have the strength and leaned against it instead. He could just make out the Headmaster's head from his spot on the floor. "Why did you mention Occlumency? What is the connection between that and what you are experiencing now?"

"Granger said this was Occlumency Overuse Disorder."

Draco saw Snape's eyes widened then and he snapped, "Impossible. You'd have to be using it-"

"Every day for a few hours," Draco cut in bitterly.

Both men raised their eyebrows and Malfoy was reminded of a time last year when Snape had raised his eyebrows after Bellatrix told him about a successful raid on a muggle village. The memory of that raid flashed through his mind then and it felt like ages before he was able to fight his way back to reality. It must have been a long time since when Draco opened his eyes again Madam Pomfrey was there, holding a vial of grey liquid and he was laying on a cot next to McGonagall's desk.

Snape was muttering instructions to McGonagall and Draco caught every few words, "Absolutely no use – there is a potion – mind opening – may be out of his control. Dreamless sleep – rest the mind – clear he hasn't slept."

"But what is happening?" McGonagall asked back, and Draco was grateful to her for speaking clearly, so he could understand.

"He's losing control of his mind," this response came from Dumbledore, "He's losing the distinction between what is real and what isn't."

"Is it permanent?" He was glad she asked this, since it had been Draco's next question.

"It can be – but if he rests, and discontinues use, he should be fine. He is young, and obviously powerful if he was able to damage his mind so effectively in such a short time." Was he proud of Draco for fucking up so bad? That man truly had been mad.

"We should get him in the hospital wing," Madam Pomfrey cut in then.

"I think it's best to keep him here while he's – reliving memories," McGonagall responded. Draco wondered what that meant, then realized he must have been yelling out and she didn't want other students to hear him talking about all of the terrible things he'd seen and done. Draco felt potion being poured down his throat then and in a few seconds he was gone.

* * *

When Draco awoke again it was dark and McGonagall and Pomfrey seemed to be gone. He looked over at the portraits on his left and saw Dumbledore was away from his frame but Snape was there, looking at him sharply.

"How could you be so foolish?" his former professor scolded.

"I didn't know," Draco responded and tried to pull himself to sitting a few times before eventually giving up and laying back on the cot.

"Why were you doing it?" Snape asked then.

Draco sighed, "To – forget." He thought of the password to this office, _Never Forget_ , then he thought of the inscription on Granger's necklace, _It's not forgetting that heals, but remembering_. How ironic.

"Will I be okay?" he asked Snape then, trying to keep the fear he was feeling out of his voice.

"Dumbledore thinks so. As long as you stop Occlumency immediately. You are on a potion now that should make it nearly impossible. Then your mind can begin to heal."

Draco nodded, then asked, "I won't get to use it ever again?"

"Maybe after a few months – but only as a defensive measure. Not every day. And not to avoid unpleasant thoughts."

"But without it –" Draco cut off, then closed his eyes before continuing, "I'm just reliving everything, it's like I'm there again. Is it going to be like this for months?"

"No –" Snape started, and his tone was almost comforting, "just at the beginning, and probably also when you're tired. You can use Dreamless Sleep potion to stay rested, but not too often, it can be addictive."

"You need to face what you've been trying to hide all year Mr. Malfoy. That is the fastest way," Draco opened his eyes then and saw Dumbledore was back in his portrait.

"How?"

"Is there no one you can share them with?"

"Share them?" Draco snapped back in alarm. "It's not fucking cauldron cake, these are terrible memories of awful things I did. I would never-"

"Very well," Dumbledore responded, gently, seemingly unaffected by Draco's swearing, "I was merely offering a suggestion."

Draco laid back on his cot and turned away from the portraits, waiting for the next memory to come.

* * *

Draco didn't know how much time had passed since he'd first arrived in McGonagall's office. He guessed maybe a few days. McGonagall was away most of the time, and he figured she must have moved her meetings to another location. Maybe the office reserved for the Defense professor, since Potter obviously wasn't using it. The Headmistress had been bringing him his assignments for the week, but they were mainly untouched on the desk next to his cot because he was having trouble focusing for long enough to get through them.

By now his mind had forced him to relive every terrible memory from the war that he'd been trying to avoid all year. And they still continued to flip through his mind, but now when they did so he was able to watch them without being completely consumed by them. That was progress, he guessed, and McGonagall agreed, saying he should be well enough to leave her office tonight. He had to promise to visit a healer in St. Mungo's at least once a week as a condition of remaining at the school. His first appointment was this Saturday and he really hoped it wasn't the same healer Potter had seen. McGonagall also said he had to continue to take the Occlumency blocking potion every other day, requiring him to meet her in this office each time he took it so she could watch. It was an unnecessary precaution though, of course Draco would take the potion, he didn't want brain damage.

There was a knock at the door then and Draco ignored it, like he always did. Whoever it was would go away when no one answered. But he heard the door click, then almost dove out of sight before he saw that it was Astoria in the doorway.

"Hey," she looked around guiltily, then closed the door behind her and walked inside. She sat down in the chair next to his cot and he thought then that he spent entirely too much time laying injured on beds while beautiful witches sat on his side comforting him. He had done absolutely nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.

"I've been so worried about you Draco, are you – I mean, are you feeling any better?" she looked at him warily. He was sure he looked like shit. He hadn't bathed in days and had barely slept. Pomfrey only let him take the Dreamless Sleep potion once. The rest of the time he didn't sleep for long stretches, but instead passed out between memories when he could no longer keep his eyes open. Those periods could hardly be considered restful.

"I'm getting better," he said eventually, "Thanks for helping me." A memory passed through then, the day he took his Dark Mark. He watched the scene in his mind for a few minutes. Draco heard Astoria's breath hitch once he was back in the reality she occupied and she gasped, "Your eyes!"

"What?" Draco raised his hand to rub them but couldn't feel anything out of place.

"They, well there were shadows, like people, darting across them. What is that?"

Draco shrugged, then admitted, "I think it's my memories, literally flashing before my eyes." He remembered McGonagall had mentioned him using a Glamour charm, that must have been what she was talking about. But he wasn't too concerned and didn't think he'd need to apply one once he returned to classes, it wasn't like anyone paid attention to him anyway.

Astoria was talking about Granger then, and Draco moved his mind (very carefully, he'd found it better to move his thoughts slowly) back to focus on her voice. "Why didn't you want me to tell her? She's been worried about you, she cornered me, Daphne, and Blaise in our common room yesterday, asking if we'd seen you."

Draco's eyes widened, but he didn't answer Astoria. He'd decided to end it with Granger, as soon as he worked up the courage to see her again and utter the words. Maybe he'd send her an owl, no, she deserved better than that. He'd at least do it in person. He looked back at Astoria then, and an idea came into his mind.

"I need to break it off with Granger," he said, and the image of Granger being tortured by his aunt crept into his mind. He watched a part of it play out and when he looked back at Astoria she was staring back at him in alarm. He wondered if it was in reaction to his words or his disturbing eyes.

"Why?" She asked softly, inching closer to his cot.

"I've done terrible things. I tried to – push it aside, but I've been forced to relive it all, recently, and – I can't go on with her anymore, I'm shit for her," he sighed then added, "and for you too, for the record."

"Okay," Astoria said carefully, then asked, "And why are you telling me this? To warn me away from you?"

Draco shook his head, slowly, to prevent any pain, then continued, "I'm looking for your advice on how best to, uh – go about it."

Astoria nodded thoughtfully then said, "Well I'm no Hermione Granger," and the way she said it made him think of all the times he'd thought that he was no Harry Potter and he almost laughed, "But if I were her, I think I'd be upset if you tried to make such a big decision on my behalf. She seems like a witch who knows her own mind," Draco nodded. Astoria had certainly gotten the measure of Hermione Granger. She continued, "If you think you're truly awful for her, based on what you've done, then to be fair to her, you need to tell her what it is you've done and let her make that decision for herself."

Draco sighed and closed his eyes. There it was, someone else telling him to share his memories, what was with everyone? They obviously had no concept of how bad the images rolling around in his mind actually were. But Astoria was right, in a way. If he broke it off with Granger without explaining, she'd just fight her way back in. Showing her who he really was, or telling her, whatever he could manage, may truly be the only way to convince her to leave.

* * *

Hermione was in her last class of the day Thursday, Ancient Runes, frowning as she noted Draco's empty spot. Where was he? She hadn't been able to find him after their fight in the hall Monday. He had never showed up in Potions and had missed all of his classes since. During her free periods this week she'd looked everywhere for him. All of the common rooms, his dormitory, every empty class she could think of, the music room, the grounds, and the hospital wing. He was nowhere. While in the Slytherin common room she'd cornered Blaise Zabini and the Greengrass sisters, but they said they hadn't seen him since Monday. But he must be somewhere in the castle, since his name was still showing up on her parchment.

Hermione should have ignored the rest of the school and their stupid reactions to the article to start. Draco was her friend (well more than that) and he needed her, but she'd been more concerned for her own reputation. She really hoped he was okay.

She passed the rest of the afternoon in the library with Ginny, who didn't really care where Malfoy was, but was trying to be supportive of her friend, then the two of them went to dinner. By now the whispers and the taunts from the article had died down, since there was only so much to say about a supposed relationship that didn't seem very likely, especially when one of the parties had fallen off the face of the earth. When she got back to her room Draco was sitting on her couch.

Hermione wanted to run and jump on him, but he looked awful and his expression was dark. Was he still mad at her? He had a right to be, she hoped he'd yell, that might assuage her guilt a bit. She'd been so worried about him and it looked like she was right to be since he looked worse than she'd ever seen him. He seemed absolutely drained, she doubted he could cast a _Lumos_ right now, and his hair was even more untidy than Harry's, which was saying a lot for Draco. His clothes were rumpled and he looked like he'd slept in them for days, which was probably accurate, since Zabini had said he hadn't been sleeping in his dormitory.

Before she could ask him where he'd been he mumbled, "You were right, about the Occlumency. Of course, you're always right, aren't you?"

Hermione didn't respond, she just approached Draco carefully and sat next to him on the couch. He didn't move away, that was a good sign. "What happened?"

"I had an episode, or a series of them. I've been pretty out of it the past few days. My mind – it's been passing between memories and reality. It's been, hard for me to pinpoint which is which."

Fear gripped Hermione. His mind? That beautiful, wonderful, powerful brain? Was it damaged for good? He must be so scared. "Where have you been? I looked for you in the hospital wing."

"With Snape, he thinks – well Dumbledore thinks I need to share them."

What was he talking about? She thought saying _Dumbledore and Snape are dead_ might be a little too obvious, but did he think they were still alive? Was he in a memory right now? His eyes were unfocused but then he focused back on her and said, "Why did you ever forgive me for all of it? It's because you don't know – you just assume I did nothing, I let you assume that. But you're wrong. If you knew, you wouldn't be so free with your forgiveness."

As she looked into his eyes she saw them glaze over and a crowd of shadows appeared in his irises. It reminded her of when she was a girl and had made shadow puppets using flashlights with her parents. But there was nothing playful about the shadows dancing across Draco's eyes. Hermione raised a hand to his arm but he didn't respond, then after a few minutes his eyes cleared and he looked back at her blankly.

"Draco, please tell me what's going on," she whispered, and squeezed his arm gently.

He ignored her, and continued with his previous monologue, "It's supposed to help, telling someone, release a burden or something. But I couldn't – this is mine to bear, it wouldn't be fair. But – I think it's the only way – the only way you'll understand." He looked absolutely terrified and she saw the shadows flash across his eyes again.

"Draco!" she put her hands up to his face and stared into his eyes, but he didn't respond. She tried to piece together what he'd been saying. It seemed like his memories were haunting him, and maybe that's what was going on with his eyes, though she'd never heard about magic like this before. And he'd said someone had told him to share his memories, Snape and Dumbledore, then it clicked. The portraits. He'd been with McGonagall. Well that was the one place in the castle she hadn't checked.

The shadows left Draco's eyes then and he was looking back at her, tears streaming down his face now. He pulled her hands off his face then and leaned away from her, "We can't be together anymore Granger, don't you understand?"

"Why?" she asked, "because of the Occlumeny? What's changed?"

He buried his face in his hands and shook his head, "I was so selfish Granger, I should have never – I wasn't thinking."

She caught his wrists and pulled them away and grabbed his chin so he was forced to look into her eyes, "You're not making sense. Tell me what's going on," she spoke in a rush, unsure how long they had before he fell into another memory.

"I can't, I can't say it," his voice caught then, and he continued, "I can't put it into words, but I have to, it's the only way you'll let me go."

"Draco, you're not going to lose me that easily. What do you need to tell me? Something about your memories?"

Draco nodded then said, "You need to know what I've done, I think it's the only way. But I can't, how could I possibly find the words to explain - " he cut off and Hermione chewed on her lip, then said boldly, "Don't explain then, show me."

Draco put his head in his hands again and started sobbing and Hermione pulled him into her chest. "I can handle it Draco, and you need to stop hiding it all inside."

When he was done, she looked in his grey, terrified eyes. They were red from crying, but free from the shadows. He nodded determinedly back at her and she stood up and pulled him to standing before he could change his mind. She took the opportunity to give him a big hug, then pulled him over to her bedroom. She sat cross-legged on top of her bed and waited for him to climb in with her. He stood looking at her warily, then leaned over and kissed her desperately. When he pulled away and started positioning himself on the bed across from her she asked, "What was that for?"

"Goodbye," he said simply, then settled himself on the bed across from her.

Hermione shook her head, then picked up her wand and held it up to him, then hesitated "Is this going to make it worse? I don't want to-"

"I don't see how it could get any worse. But don't lean on anything, just observe. And I won't be able to push you out, so you'll have to end it yourself. Scream the word ' _Veritas'_ in your mind when you're ready to end it."

She nodded, suddenly scared, then asked, "How will I know, when I've, um, seen enough?"

Draco looked back at her seriously, then said, "You'll know."

Hermione muttered the incantation, then she was in Draco's head. He was sitting on his bed, the same one he slept in now, and he was reading through a letter attached to an article from the Daily Prophet. She recognized the article as the one announcing Lucius' arrest following the event at the Ministry in fifth year. Hermione had wondered which memory she'd start out in, but it looked like it was going to be the beginning. The letter was long, and she didn't read the entire thing, just caught snippets here and there.

_He's coming for you, has requested a meeting as soon as you're back home._

_Bella will help you, listen to her._

_It's time Draco, sooner than I'd like, but I know you can do this. We need you._

Tears started to fall from Draco's eyes but he wiped them away quickly, then they were in a graveyard and Draco was standing in the center of a circle of Death Eaters and Voldemort was looking back at him. Before Hermione could figure out what was going on Voldemort pointed his wand at Draco's arm and a searing pain ripped through him. It was worse than Hermione had ever felt. After a few moments it was done and Voldemort was speaking, but Draco wasn't listening and the words were a jumble to Hermione. Draco was focusing on the dark black mark on his arm and Hermione could tell he felt a mixture of pride and fear.

The memory changed again. Now they were on a bridge and Draco was staring at the sign post ahead of him, the hood of his cloak pulled up to cover his face. _Brockdale Bridge,_ she read on the sign, and Hermione remembered this bridge. It had been destroyed the summer before their sixth year and 50 muggles had died. Draco was watching two wizards walk toward him and she recognized the Lestranges. They settled in on either side of Draco and Bellatrix whispered to him, "The explosives are set, you can ignite them as soon as you're ready."

Draco raised his wand, but she could see it shaking in his hand. The pride she'd felt in him when he'd admired his mark was gone and all that remained was fear, apprehension, and doubt. He was watching the Muggles walking on the bridge's sidewalk and the cars passed over and Hermione urged him to drop his wand and run away, knowing it would do no good. Bellatrix started talking again, "Draco, this is your first assignment, you must not fail. Do I need to remind you how the Dark Lord punishes failure?"

Draco nodded curtly at his aunt, then raised his wand again and Hermione saw he was pointing it toward a string of magical explosives. They were strung so obviously around the bridge and she wondered how the Muggles had missed them, but then figured they must have been spelled to appear invisible. Bellatrix put her hand on Draco's arm then and Hermione was relieved, Draco wasn't going to do this, someone else would do it.

Bellatrix said a sing-songy voice, "There's a baby," and Hermione looked over, expecting to see a baby carriage coming off the bridge. But she was wrong, it wasn't a baby leaving the bridge they were waiting for, a muggle woman was pushing a pram toward the bridge. Then what Bellatrix was saying clicked with Hermione, and memory Draco too. A feeling of horror overtook him as he realized that she wanted him to wait for the baby to get onto the bridge before lighting the explosives. That seemed to be the push he needed because just then a shot of flame left his wand and he and his companions ducked to avoid the blast.

Hermione expected them to move to the next memory then, but they remained by the fallen bridge under a shield charm. After the sounds of the blasts died down, Lestrange pulled Draco to standing and motioned in glee toward the carnage. Bellatrix and her husband walked onto the bridge then and the witch started twirling around like a little girl in a field of flowers, but instead she was surrounded by dead bodies and dismembered limbs. Hermione could feel bile rush into Draco's mouth as he walked carefully through the wreckage. He didn't join his aunt and uncle at the epicenter of the blast though, but instead spotted the baby carriage he'd been trying to avoid that was toppled onto its side.

The mother was lying on the ground and looked dead, but Draco's eyes were focused on the inside of the pram. He pulled back the blanket inside and when he saw the contents an all-consuming feeling of despair overtook him. He jumped when he heard his aunt's voice behind him and quickly got back to his feet, "One less filthy animal to taint this earth, you did well today Draco." Hermione could feel the tears welling behind Draco's eyes then. "You'll always remember this day Draco, when you made the world a better place."

In the next memory Draco and his mother were being tortured by Voldemort, then the memory shifted and Draco was sitting at a dining table surrounded by Death Eaters and Voldemort's snake attacked, then started eating Professor Burbage. Hermione had known about this death from the papers, but watching it was an entirely different matter.

Next Draco was in a muggle village and looked like he was hiding in a shop. He was sitting behind a cash register when Crabbe found him and knelt next to him, "What are you doing in here?"

"None of your fucking business Crabbe," Draco snapped back.

"Well you're missing the fun, MacNair found a house with about 15 muggle girls, pretty ones, around our age. It was a party or somethin'. The guys are taking turns with them now, you should come."

Rage coursed through Draco's body then and he bit back through gritted teeth, "We were supposed to bring back _one_ muggle, not fifteen. And the Dark Lord said nothing about rape in is instructions."

Crabbe shrugged then said cruelly, "That's what memory charms are for, they won't even know what happened."

The memory changed then, _Thank God_ , thought Hermione, not sure how much more of this she'd be able to take. She was inside the cell of a dungeon, which she thought was odd, when had Draco ever been captured? Bellatrix was on the other side of the bars and when she looked down she saw that Draco was naked except for a pair of boxers and was completely covered in deep gashes which were still bleeding slightly. She could feel the wounds throbbing with pain now that she was focusing on them, then looked back at Bellatrix who was speaking, "You're too soft, don't think the Dark Lord hasn't noticed. He's given me the task of breaking you, and I never disobey my master." She threw a severing hex at Draco then and he bent over in pain as a large gash appeared across his stomach. Hermione was about to shout _Veritas_ in her mind, surely this was enough, when the scene transformed and they were at Gringotts.

Draco was surrounded by dead Goblins. It was worse than the carnage from the explosion on the bridge. He looked down and three severed heads rolled past his feet. Then the scene transformed and they were outside on a bright sunny day.

Draco was standing in the trees next to a muggle playground watching a young boy. Hermione felt terror stream through him, then turned and saw Fenrir Greyback on his right side, "Bring him to me, young Malfoy."

She felt a rush of defiance flow through Draco then and was relieved, _Good, he wasn't going to bring the boy to this awful man_. "He won't," someone said behind Draco and she felt that Draco was scared of the man. He turned and saw Lestrange on his other side. "Bella was worried you'd gone soft, but I told 'er, you haven' _gone_ soft, you've always _been_ soft."

He cocked his head toward the boy, "We both know you won't bring 'im to 'ol Greyback here, just like I know you don't participate in raids and have never killed, for no reason," Draco's eyes narrowed and Lestrange continued, "How was it she tried to break you last month? Severin' charm? I keep tellin' 'er, you're too stubborn. It's not you she needs to torture, it's the people you love," he smiled wickedly then. "She needs to go after 'er sister."

"She wouldn't," Draco snapped, and Hermione could tell he didn't believe his own words.

"Who do you think Bella loves more? 'Er sister? Or 'er master?"

Draco stomped out of his hiding place toward the boy, whose eyes widened at surprise when he saw Draco. He grabbed him by the arm, and walked him over to Greyback and glared back at Lestrange, who just started laughing before Disapparating.

Greyback eyed the boy carefully and Hermione willed Draco to turn away, she didn't want to have to see what happened next. But instead, Draco pulled out his wand and muttered something under his breath, focusing intently on the boy. She watched in horror as Greyback tore open the spot where the boy's neck met his shoulder with his bare teeth. But the boy, surprisingly, didn't respond. His eyes were unfocused and it looked like his mind was elsewhere, then Hermione realized what Draco was doing. He was using the dream come true spell. He'd taken the boy somewhere else.

Greyback looked back at Draco, upset, but moved back to the boy. He pushed his finger deep into the wound he'd created and swirled the blood along the boy's neck and face, then he rose the finger to his mouth and licked the blood clean. He stood then and approached Draco and Hermione could smell the blood on Greyback, but Draco remained focused on the boy. Blood was pooling out of his wound now, but his eyes were still unfocused. "What did you do to him?" Greyback asked roughly, but Draco just shrugged in response.

Greyback looked back at the boy, then shrugged and Apparated away. Draco was alone with the boy now, and he crept over and crouched down next to his limp figure. It was clear the boy was already dead. Draco bent over and carefully closed his eyes.

 _Veritas! Veritas! Veritas!_ Hermione screamed in her mind, absolutely horror struck. She was thrown out of his head and found herself on the bed, sitting across from Draco.

He pulled his knees into his chest and hugged them tightly, then fell apart completely. It reminded Hermione of the time he'd cried in his mother's room, but was ten time worse. Maybe because now she knew exactly why he was crying, or maybe it was the sounds of anguish he was making. She sat back and watched him in revulsion, processing through all she'd seen.

She knew she should hold him, place a hand on his back, tell him everything was okay, but it wasn't, it would never be okay. He'd done awful things. She'd always assumed he was just a spectator, but he'd been involved in all of it. And everything, the deaths, the torture, the rape. It was so much worse than she'd ever imagined.

She felt bile rushing into her mouth but she swallowed it back. Draco had completely broken down in front of her and she couldn't bring herself to touch him or give him any sort of comfort. The only thought running through her mind now was that she wanted to get a time-turner and go back to the night of her date with Anthony, and this time she wouldn't run back to the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, the story took a bit of a dark turn here. This is quite a heavy chapter. Poor Draco and poor Hermione. Please forgive Hermione in this chapter. No one's perfect, not even Hermione. And I know her initial reaction to his memories may seem harsh, but it is kind of a lot to take in all at once, especially in the way she had to by experiencing everything like it was actually happening. Ugh.
> 
> Well I hope you're still liking the story, thanks for all of your support so far. I know this chapter is super sad, but I promise more hopeful scenes in the next chapter, so please don't give up on me yet! Or do, no worries. To each their own. Stay safe!


	25. Broken

**Chapter 25 – Broken**

After Granger released the Legilimency spell Draco broke down. Reliving those events again, especially with her, was more than he'd been ready for. After a time he finally calmed down, then looked warily up at Granger. She was mimicking his pose, knees pulled up to her chest, and looking back at him with a blank expression. He wondered how much work it was taking her to keep it blank since she'd always been terrible at hiding her emotions. But he was grateful to her for masking the revulsion she must be feeling.

"Draco-" she started to speak but he cut in and she looked relieved, maybe she was not sure what she was going to say.

"Hermione," she flinched when he said her name and his heart broke slightly, "I was selfish to pursue this, given, everything. I'm – I'm so sorry." She didn't respond, just continued to look back at him with her unreadable expression.

"I'm going to go home," he stood then and she watched him rise but didn't move. He wanted so badly to touch her, just a hand on the shoulder, or a brush of the cheek, but he knew she'd recoil, and that memory would haunt him just as bad as the rest. "I uh – have an appointment with a healer this weekend and will be back Sunday. I'll – well goodbye, Granger."

It took all of his strength to leave her on the bed and not rush back to her and beg her to keep him. Try to explain, anything, but he managed to get outside, then rushed to McGonagall's office to Floo home.

* * *

His mother waited until he was home a full day before bringing up Granger. They were eating alone at their large dining room table when she said out of nowhere, "It's a terrible idea."

He cocked his eyebrow at her, hoping she'd go on to talk about bathroom fixtures or tapestries, but instead she continued, "Putting aside all of my personal thoughts on the matter of you dating a Mud- Muggle-born. Practically, the world is not ready for a pairing like that. You have to see that. And what could you possibly see in _her,_ you are the Malfoy heir-"

Draco's blood started to boil. How dare she speak against Granger and suggest _he_ might be too good for _her,_ "She makes me happy, mother," he snapped, and she narrowed her eyes at his insolence, then responded, "You don't look very happy, Draco."

He sighed. Well that was the understatement of the year, no fucking shit. But his mother didn't know what he'd been going through this past week, she only knew he'd been having bad headaches and was heading to St. Mungo's today to see if any healers there could help. He responded curtly, "It doesn't matter, we're not together anymore."

She looked way too pleased by that, then lifted her eyebrow questioningly. He saw her making the same expression to her sister, it was the night after Draco had blown up the bridge and Bellatrix was bragging about their success and the role Draco had played. Draco let the memory roll in front of his eyes and looked away so his mother wouldn't see the shadows on his irises. When he came to she was looking at him oddly, but said nothing.

He changed the subject then, "Tell me about the plans for the garden you mentioned in your letter." She looked at him awhile longer, then started speaking about some exotic flower he didn't give two shits about.

His mind drifted back to Granger as his mother talked. The memory of her flinching when he'd said her name hurt worse than the pain from any hex, and he'd taken some bad ones. Before then Draco had thought the lowest point in his life was when he was bleeding in the dungeon, waiting for Bellatrix to come throw more curses at him. He'd thought back to those days many times since, thinking to himself, _I survived, and nothing can be worse than that._ But he'd been wrong, this was worse.

Granger finally saw him and the evil he was capable of, and she'd let him go. She hadn't even breathed a sigh of protest as he left. But he'd wanted her to let him go, hadn't he? The guilt of staying with her was getting to be too much. But a small part of him had hoped, that impossibly, she'd find it in her giant heart to forgive him. But he knew now that was a fantasy, just as fake as the images he made with the dream come true spell. In reality, Draco was a monster, and Granger was finally done with him.

* * *

Harry had just spent breakfast with Neville and Hannah and was on his way back home to change before heading to the Burrow for the rest of the day. As soon as he arrived in the entryway of Grimmauld Place he knew there was something wrong. Then he saw what had tipped him off, a skinny vase that usually sat on the side table in the foyer was toppled over. He performed a quick _Homenum Revelio_ charm and saw there was someone upstairs.

Harry crept up the stairs slowly with his wand raised, running through the list of people who were able to get through his wards in his head. He stopped when he got to the landing and saw the person was in the room Hermione and Ginny used to stay in, then he knew who it was. He lowered his wand and pushed the door open and found Hermione sobbing on the bed. Malfoy had done this, he was sure of it.

Harry moved back into the hall and sent a quick Patronus to Ginny, telling her not to expect him today and to keep Ron away from the house, then he entered the room. Harry spoke her name, but she didn't respond, so he sat down on the bed she was laying on and started stroking her back. She turned her head to look at him, then nodded quickly in greeting before resuming her crying. He kicked his shoes off and laid on the bed next to her and she turned toward him and cried into his shirt. He rubbed her back comfortingly and waited until she was calm enough to speak. Eventually she mumbled into his chest, "Draco showed me his memories from the war."

Harry's hand, which was absently rubbing the back of her head, froze. He hitched his breath, then hissed, "Why?"

She shrugged and mumbled, "It's hard to explain."

Harry pulled back so he could see her face, and she wasn't sobbing anymore, but tears were still streaming out of her swollen eyes. "Tell me everything Hermione, once you're ready," he entreated, then laid his head on the pillow and waited for her to start talking.

She nodded back at him, but instead of facing him, she moved onto her back so she was looking up at the ceiling. He stayed laying on his side and watched her breathe in and out a few times before finally starting to speak.

She told him about problems Malfoy was having with Occlumency, and how she'd tried to bring it up with him but failed, which wasn't surprising. Then she said how he'd suddenly gotten worse the day of the Anniversary and Harry remembered thinking Malfoy had looked terrible. She said he disappeared for a few days and then had shown up in her room completely broken and incoherent and insisted they needed to end it.

Hermione had fought him, because she was Hermione, and Draco had agreed to show her his memories, so she could see exactly why they couldn't be together. Hermione stopped then and Harry sighed inwardly. Poor Hermione, he guessed what had happened then. Then she'd crossed the line he'd been forced to cross when he was seventeen, when he'd been made to face the true evils that existed in their world.

It was the difference between hearing about a murder and seeing the mutilated body. Between knowing about torture and watching someone get ripped apart by countless severing charms. Or the difference between a casual mention of rescued hostages in the paper and the sight of those hostages chained up after several days of brutal torture and rape. Harry grabbed Hermione's hand and squeezed it, then urged, "Go ahead, tell me what you saw."

She worked her way through Draco's memories then, starting with him taking the Dark Mark. Then his first task as a Death Eater, igniting the explosives on a Muggle bridge. Harry remembered that one, it had been written off as structural failure by the Muggles, but in the Wizarding World everyone had known it was Death Eaters. He hadn't known it had been Draco to light the fuse. Did it really matter though? Those people were dead as soon as Voldemort got that idea in his head. Apparently there had been a baby involved too, but Hermione was rushing through her story and Harry didn't understand that part.

Then she moved on to explaining how Voldemort's snake had looked, killing Professor Burbage, who Hermione had adored at school. She mentioned how knowing about the murder and seeing it where entirely different, and Harry could emphasize. He'd seen that snake kill many times in Voldemort's mind, and those images were gruesome and hard to shake.

She started to explain a raid on a muggle town then, but stopped, tears were streaming down her cheeks again and he cupped her face in his hand but urged her to continue, knowing that sharing these would be the best way for her to move past them and cursing Malfoy for showing this to her.

"They raped them, Harry. Crabbe and well, all of them, I'm not sure how many. They raped them then wiped their memories," she started sobbing again and Harry's stomach dropped.

"Malfoy-"

She shook her head, but it took awhile for her to speak, "He didn't – he was hiding, he hated it. But he – he didn't help them."

Harry let out a breath, thank Godric. He never liked Malfoy, but he never thought he'd be capable of something like that. "Do you think they did that a lot?" Hermione asked and he wished he could lie to her, she looked so innocent. He just nodded and she nodded back, like she hadn't really been expecting him to deny it.

"Was that it?" he prodded and she shook her head again.

She took a deep breath and when she exhaled it was shaky, then she continued. She explained a scene where Bellatrix was torturing Draco, apparently on orders from Voldemort to break him. Then she spoke of a very gruesome scene following the massacre of the Gringotts Goblins. Harry didn't need her to describe that one, he'd seen it in his mind as it was happening.

Hermione stopped before going into the next memory and Harry waited patiently for her to continue. She explained a day where Draco had been threatened to hand over a muggle child to Greyback and had obliged, but apparently tried to use a spell to keep the boy from knowing what was going on. Then Hermione stopped and looked back at Harry horrified, he could guess what she was thinking, he'd seen Greyback's work. He watched her silently, waiting for her to continue. She gulped then and said, "Then Draco watched him die. He did nothing to help him."

She began sobbing again and turned back to look at the ceiling and Harry watched her as she cried. Why had Malfoy done this? Harry could kill him right now. Hermione shouldn't have to be exposed to these details, she'd seen enough death from the war already, but then Malfoy went and showed her the worst parts. Hadn't he known the burden he'd be transferring to her? What a selfish prick.

"I didn't know," Hermione admitted softly and Harry saw she had turned to face him again. "You did though, didn't you?" Harry nodded again. He hadn't known about Malfoy's role in everything, but he didn't think that's what she was talking about. She was talking about the details of the war, the evil and unspeakable acts. That part he'd known well.

"Since when?" she asked, and Harry closed his eyes then before responding, "When we were camping, I – I shared his mind, Hermione."

He could feel tears coming to his eyes then and opened them to look at Hermione. "You could have told me," she said softly.

Harry felt a few tears escape then nodded, "I know."

"I'm sorry you went through that alone."

He smiled at her, then said, "I wasn't alone, you were there. Cooking, keeping us alive, and pushing me forward. I never would have managed without you."

She gave him a soft smile, then asked, "Does Ron know?"

Harry nodded, "You kind of, find all of this out when you become an Auror. Remember Mulciber's capture from last year?" Hermione nodded, "The papers said he kept muggle prisoners. That was true, but the reality, seeing them, it's – well, unspeakable, frankly. Unfortunately, in our profession, we have the see the worst things wizards can come up with."

They were both silent for a long time while Hermione considered his words. "Is this the real reason, you think, that we've been so distant this year? You, me, and Ron? You've been trying to grapple with the horrors of the world while I've been complaining about N.E.W.T.s." She pulled her hands up to cover her face then, but Harry caught her wrist and pulled one hand down.

"That might be true, about the distance, but don't for a second think I don't appreciate hearing about mundane things like N.E.W.T.s. It's not like I want to talk about terrible methods of torture all of the time."

Hermione was quiet for a long while and he played with one of her curls while her big brain worked through everything he'd said. After a time, she said, "It's embarrassing, really, having all of my friends know this truth that I've been too naïve to face. I mean, I was at the battle, I've seen people die, I've even been tortured, but this – it's different somehow." Harry nodded back at her and she continued, "I feel like I did in sixth year when I found out everyone around me was having sex. You included," she added with an accusing stare, then added too, "But, well, this is loads worse than that."

Harry laughed out loud then, and it felt really good. Hermione looked back at him and laughed too, then when they both recovered he said, "You are so cute, Hermione," and pinched her cheek playfully.

She kicked him with her top leg, "Shut up."

They both looked up at the ceiling then and were quiet for a few more minutes before she said, "I always assumed Draco was just an onlooker, but he did things. He killed that boy, and all of the muggles on the bridge. How can I possibly be with him after that?"

Harry looked over at her and saw a tear fall from her eye. He lifted a finger to catch it, then asked, "Do you still want to be with him?" he tried to keep as much judgement out of his question as possible.

She closed her eyes tight, then whispered, "I was falling in love with him Harry, before, well, this."

Harry's heart dropped. Then he thought about how he owed Ginny five galleons. He looked back at Hermione but she still had her eyes screwed shut, like she was afraid to look back at him. "What is wrong with me Harry? How could I fall for a – a – a Death Eater? I knew that's what he was, it wasn't a big secret," she opened her eyes then and he saw they were pleading, but he didn't know what she was looking for from him. She turned away from him and started crying again, burying her face in her hands.

Harry sighed and started stroking her back, then said, "Hermione, I've seen enough dark wizards to spot one when I come across them, and I can tell you, Draco Malfoy is not a dark wizard. He was a victim just like the rest of us."

"Are you sticking up for him?" her voice was muffled since she still had her face in her hands. Harry bit his tongue then. What the hell was he doing? He hated Draco Malfoy, especially since he was the reason Hermione was so depressed right now. But a part of him, the part that knew Hermione extremely well, knew that this wasn't the right way for Hermione and Malfoy to break up. If she left him for what she'd seen in his memories, the doubt and guilt would niggle at her for months and she'd probably ultimately end up going back to him, especially if she really did love him. Harry didn't think they should be together, but Hermione had to arrive there on her own, otherwise she'd never stop fighting for that undeserving git.

"Not exactly," Harry said eventually, "But I've been thinking more about his role in the war, especially since you started dating him, and I can't condemn him so readily. I mean, my parents were dead. What would I have done if they were alive and constantly being threatened?" she turned back to him then and he continued, "When I thought Sirius was captured I put all of you in danger to go on a wild, suicidal hunt to save him. Every one of you could have easily died, and that was for Sirius, who I had only known for two years. What if it was my parents? Or you or Ron? Would I have killed innocent people for all of you? I – I can't say. I'm glad I was never put in the position to have to find out."

Hermione nodded back at him and looked thoroughly confused, which was a rare expression for her. "I can't believe you're defending Draco Malfoy."

Harry shrugged, then said, "Yeah, I think the two of us are way too nice sometimes. That's why we need Ron, to balance us out." Hermione laughed, then asked, "Where is he today?"

"He's at the Burrow but will probably be back soon."

She nodded then asked, "Can I stay with you two this weekend? I don't want to go back to the castle."

"Of course, but – uh – what are you going to tell Ron? He may not be the most intuitive wizard, but I don't think you'll be able to hide – uh – this," he motioned toward her, unable to find the right word to describe her melancholy.

"The truth- well, not the Malfoy part, I, maybe I'll say some student confided details of the war and I was horrified and have been grappling with this newfound knowledge of how truly evil and disgusting people can be. I'd like to get his thoughts on that part of it all at least."

Harry nodded, and really wished his two best friends could work through the obstacles between them and start dating, but he knew it would come with time. They were meant to be together, that much was clear. First Hermione had to get through this Draco Malfoy chapter of her life, then she'd be ready for Ron and thank Godric he'd dumped that Clara witch and was finally ready for Hermione.

As if she sensed his thoughts, Hermione asked, "Did Ron tell you, uh- what he talked to me about at the Anniversary?"

Harry nodded and asked, "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," she said honestly, then she made an impossible request, "Tell me what to do, Harry."

 _Easy, dump Draco Malfoy and start dating Ron._ But he didn't say that, since he knew it wouldn't be helpful for her. "You're drawn to Malfoy for whatever reason, but – honestly I don't think it can work between you two. Even if you are perfectly compatible and love each other deeply, I don't think it will be enough, the war will always stand between you. But – you need to resolve that, with him, before moving on to Ron. If you go to Ron now, with this Malfoy thing still lingering, it won't be fair to him, or to you. So, well I guess that's my advice."

"Stay with Draco?"

"Well, figure out this Malfoy thing, hopefully come to terms with the fact that you two are wrong for each other, get your closure with him, then date Ron."

"That's very confusing advice."

Harry sighed, "Well, it's a very confusing situation Hermione."

"And what if I find Draco and I _can_ get past the war?" she asked in a soft voice.

Harry sighed, then said begrudgingly, "I'll support you no matter what Hermione, I just want you to be happy."

She smiled back at him, then said, "This is all Ron's fault, you know."

Harry didn't respond, since he tried not to take sides when the two of them fought, but on this one, he secretly agreed with Hermione. Though in Ron's defense, there was no way he could have guessed who Hermione would run to once he started dating other witches. Harry sighed, then said, "No comment," and was answered by another kick.

Just then the door behind them opened and they both jumped up to find the subject of their conversation in the doorway. Harry and Hermione pulled themselves up so they were sitting on the bed and Harry wondered absently if Ron would take offense to this in some way, but he thought he'd gotten past the jealousy thing when it came to Harry and Hermione a while ago. It seemed liked Harry was right, because there wasn't any bitterness in Ron's tone when he asked, "What's going on?"

Harry looked over at Hermione then, but she just shrugged back at him, then moved closer to Harry and patted the spot on her other side, "You may as well sit, it's kind of a long story."

Ron looked confused, but crossed the room, kicked off his shoes, then sat on the bed next to Hermione. Harry stood then, remembering he'd asked Ginny to come over tonight. "I'm going to get us some food, and I'll be right back. You can start without me Hermione, since well, I've already heard it all." She gave him a quick smile and Ron looked back at him questioningly, but Harry merely shrugged, he'd find out soon enough.

* * *

When Harry got to the bottom of the stairs he saw Ginny coming through the front door. "What's going on?" she asked, "Why couldn't you come to the Burrow? And what was with the request to keep Ron away?"

Harry sighed, then took off his glasses and started cleaning them with his shirt. "It's Hermione," he stopped. How could he possibly explain? He didn't want to tell Ginny everything, that was Hermione's story to tell, if she wanted to.

Ginny's expression turned dark and she said, "It's Malfoy, isn't it? He did something. I'm going to hex him so thoroughly when I get back to the castle…" she trailed off, then focused back on Harry, who had just put his glasses back on, "What's wrong?"

She grazed her knuckles against the side of his face and stared intently into his eyes. "You have that haunted look you get after work sometimes," she whispered, "but you said you were with Hermione all day?"

Sensing correctly that Harry didn't want to talk about it further, she looped her arms around his waist and pulled him into a tight hug instead of asking more questions. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head, savoring the comfort of her warmth. He loved Ginny so much, she was always able to give him just what he needed, like now. He had no idea how he would have made it through the aftermath of the war without her.

He thought back to Hermione, who had had to spend the summer alone with her parents in the muggle world, then had to go back to Hogwarts without her two best friends. Is that why she'd sought out a friendship with Malfoy? Was it due to loneliness? Or did Malfoy give her the type of comfort Ginny gave Harry? If he did, who was Harry to try to stand between them?

"Please tell me Malfoy didn't do anything terrible to Hermione," Ginny muttered into his chest. He pulled back and shook his head, "No, he was indirectly involved, but he didn't do anything to her. And she – she's going to be fine."

Ginny cocked her head and Harry could tell she was disappointed that he wasn't saying more, but he knew she wouldn't press him. She was used to him keeping things to himself. How had Malfoy found the courage to confide his darkest secrets to Hermione? Harry had never been able to tell Ginny the worst of his thoughts. Had Malfoy really done it to push her away, as he'd claimed? Or was he finally getting close enough to Hermione that he no longer wanted the secrets standing between them. Maybe he was falling for her too.

"Hermione told me she thought she was falling in love with Malfoy," Harry said eventually. Ginny's eyes widened, then she smirked, "You owe me five galleons."

He shook his head, then raised his hand to massage the bridge of his nose. "Harry," Ginny said gently, placing a hand on his arm, "I know you're in denial about this, but we all may need to come to terms with the fact that this thing between the two of them is more than just a – fling."

"What makes you say that?"

"I've seen them together, and once you get over the initial shock of it all, they kind of – well, work."

Harry shook his head again, he didn't want to think about this right now. Hermione still didn't know if she wanted to go back to Malfoy after the memories she saw, so he'd cling to that hope for a while longer, "Ginny, I'm really sorry about this, but you can't stay here this weekend."

She looked angry then and crossed her arms, "What? Why?"

Harry sighed, then wrapped his arms around her, but she kept her arms crossed. "Hermione is having a rough time and she needs me and Ron. And I think it will be good for us to get some time alone. Like old times."

Ginny humphed in response and when he tried to kiss her on the cheek she pulled away from him and stuck her tongue out. He couldn't help but laugh, "Oh come on," he teased, poking her side where he knew she was ticklish, "You know I still love you the most."

She wiggled out of his grasp, then gave him a peck on the cheek, "Fine, I'll go." Ginny picked up the bag she'd dropped on the floor earlier, then turned to the door.

"Hey Ginny, thanks," Harry called to her before she left. He knew she'd be upset, but he also knew that what he, Hermione, and Ron needed most now was a weekend alone together.

Ginny stopped in the doorway on her way out, like she'd forgotten something, then turned back and asked, "So when you say Malfoy was indirectly involved in whatever's going on with Hermione, does that mean I can hit him with an indirect hex? Maybe bounce it off a wall first or something?" the way she cocked her eyebrow reminded Harry of Fred and George and he laughed out loud.

"I don't have a problem with that," he said honestly and she gave him an evil smirk before finally closing the door.

* * *

Hermione returned to the castle Sunday night, immediately following dinner with Ron and Harry. They'd had a lot of heavy conversations about good and evil, what makes a dark wizard, and the blurry line between guilt and innocence. She still wasn't sure how she felt about Draco, but felt closer to Harry and Ron than she had all year.

Hermione had sent Draco an owl earlier in the day asking him to come by her room that night, but she wasn't sure if he would. Now she was sitting in her room watching her door. It was almost completely dark, with the only light coming from the fireplace. Hermione was sipping on a mug of tea and Crookshanks was pacing in front of the door. She watched the cat while she considered Draco. She wanted someone to tell her what to do, but Harry had said she needed to sort through her feelings for Draco on her own, and it made sense intellectually, but she had no idea how to go about it.

The last time she'd seen him she'd been sure they were through, how could they possibly continue after what she'd seen? How could she ever look at him and not see him killing that boy, or destroying the bridge? But she couldn't dismiss the threats that had led to his actions, the dream spell he'd used to help the boy, and his utter despair when he saw the dead baby in the pram. Those recollections made her ache for the Draco she'd come to care for and the great wizard she hoped he could become one day.

Crookshanks started pawing at the door then and she saw the light from the crack underneath go dark and figured it was Draco, standing outside, probably trying to work up the courage to knock. He stood there for a full ten minutes and she briefly wondered if he was using a Disillusionment charm, then passed it off. Being discovered was the least of their worries right now. Eventually, he knocked softly and she said back, "Come in," not trusting her legs to work properly right now.

She put her mug on the table and looked back at the door and watched as he let himself inside. He walked a few paces into the room, just enough to close the door behind him, then dropped his Disillusionment charm. She could see that he looked better than last time. But then again, he had looked like an absolute madman then, so there really had been nowhere to go but up.

They watched each other for a moment, each unsure what to say, then Draco pulled two items out of his robes and placed them on the side table. She recognized Harry's map and the extra-omnioculars.

"Granger-" he began, but she cut him off, "The omnioculars were a gift, you don't have to return them. Plus, I really have no use for them, you know I hate Quidditch."

He looked back at her confused, probably wondering why she was going on about Quidditch when they had more important things to discuss, but he picked them up anyway and put them back into his robes. He stood there awkwardly, and she saw him open his mouth to speak again, but cut in, "You can sit."

He cocked his head, then said, "I wasn't planning on staying."

"Sit Draco," she said, and she wasn't sure why, she just knew she wasn't ready for him to leave yet. He huffed, annoyed, but crossed the room quickly and sat in his usual spot on the middle of the other couch, then glared back in a way that said, _Satisfied Granger?_

Hermione pulled her knees into her chest then and watched him, and he stayed silent and watched her in turn. She saw the fire light flick patterns across his face then watched his eyes, which were boring into her own. After a few minutes she saw the shadows float across his irises and he flinched, but after a moment his eyes were clear again. She wondered what he'd seen and thought to ask him, but decided against it.

"What do you want from me Granger?" He said eventually, and the mask he'd been holding dropped and his face filled with pain and she almost reached out to him, but kept her spot on the couch. Crookshanks, as if sensing Draco's suffering, jumped onto his lap and she could hear him purring all the way from her spot and watched Draco lift his hand reflexively and begin to pet the cat.

"I need to know," she started, hesitated, then started again, "The bridge. Was that the only time you," she gulped, then said, "killed?" The word hung heavy between them and Draco looked away from her, then nodded and hissed, "Yes."

"And the dream spell, you didn't make it for your mother over the summer…" her voice trailed off, but he finished for her, "I made it for myself," he said it disgusted, like he'd wished he'd made it for someone else, "The boy, that was the first time I used it for that purpose."

 _That purpose._ Making someone's death less painful. "How many times did you use it like that during the war?"

"Six," he answered quickly, and she guessed this number was always at the front of his mind. Well, now at least, now that he wasn't able to push his memories aside anymore.

She watched him for longer then. Draco had killed someone. Well, lots of people. First the killing curse on the boy, but really, he'd been dying, hadn't he? And then the bridge, but again, if he hadn't lit the fuse, his aunt or uncle would have.

_Draco Malfoy is not a dark wizard. He was a victim just like the rest of us._

And looking at him now, she saw that. He was scared and misguided and so so young. When Draco spoke again Hermione could hear tears behind his words, but she didn't see any in his eyes, not yet at least, "Can I go, Hermione? Let me go."

That was the question, really. Could she let him go? She expected the answer to come from somewhere in her head, but when she heard the response it was pumping loudly from her heart, _No no no no no. Not yet._

"Two months is an impossibly short time to be together before having to share your darkest secrets, would you say?" Hermione asked in a soft voice.

Draco gulped and said roughly, "I would have to agree."

"But you know what?" she continued, and tears started streaming down her face then. She saw him twitch, like he was going to stand and come comfort her, but he stayed in place. "Two months is an impossibly short time, period. I want longer." She choked on the last words and was surprised by them, since she hadn't even thought them to herself before saying them aloud.

Draco looked back at her, stunned, then said very carefully, "You _want_ longer, or you _wanted_ longer? Before – well, you know." He was watching her intently and she rose then and slowly made her way to his couch. Crookshanks jumped out of Draco's lap then and she took the spot on his right, but still avoided touching him. She looked back at him then and studied his face. He looked tired, the lines around his eyes and mouth were deep and his eyes were sunken in. But the rest of his face was the same, the same Draco she'd come to care for. But also the same Draco who had done terrible things, all the while hating himself more and more and trying desperately to keep his family safe.

Harry's words came into her mind then. _Would I have killed innocent people for all of you? I'm glad I was never put in the position to have to find out._

She placed a hand on Draco's leg then and he flinched, then after a time he placed his hand on top of hers and asked, "What the hell are you doing, Hermione?"

She pulled her hand up and touched his cheeks softly with her finger tips while he looked back longingly into her eyes. She traced her fingers along his jaw and when she reached the opposite cheek she flattened her palm and cupped his face. He leaned against her palm and a single tear fell into her hand. "You aren't your past Draco," she whispered, "Do you believe that?"

He shook his head and buried his face in his hands and she placed her hand back in her lap and watched him. "I don't think so, I hope not. But – I'm not sure. If a new danger appeared, if someone threatened my family again, would I do it all over? Maybe. Look what I did to you last term. I – I can never unlearn the terrible acts I'm capable of."

"Well, if there is a second dark wizard who approaches you and asks you to do terrible things, can you at least promise not to join up willingly this time?"

He let out a breath that was almost a laugh, but quickly turned into sobs. She embraced him this time. He dipped his head and cried into her shoulder. When he was calm enough to speak, he looked up at her and said, "Hermione – this is a terrible idea. You need to let me go and move on with your life. Go be with Weasley, or even fucking Goldstein."

Hermione propped her hands on his shoulders and started rubbing his neck with her fingers as she thought about what he'd said. She hadn't intended to get back with him tonight, she hadn't known before he'd arrived what she was going to do. But now that she'd seen him, she'd decided that she wanted to be with him, for now. Like Harry had said, she needed to figure out what this was, on her own time, and sort through it before she could move on. And right now, for whatever reason, her heart was telling her to stay.

"I want to stay," she said eventually, and Draco stared back at her intently, like he was making sure she meant it, then she saw the figures come across his eyes again and they shifted out of focus. She watched them move, fascinated, and Draco's breathing quickened as he was forced to re-watch the memory.

A full two minutes later his eyes cleared and he closed them and a single tear fell down his face. He bent his head then and rested his forehead again hers before he said, "I'm a fucking mess, completely shattered. But every broken piece, every shard, ever fragment belongs to you." He opened his eyes and looked back into hers and she could see tears streaming down his face again, "I'm yours Hermione, for as long as you'll have me."

* * *

Nearly a week had passed since _that night,_ as Draco had come to call the day Hermione had decided to stay with him, and they were slowly returning to normal (well as much as possible). There were two notable differences, the first was that he now called her Hermione. This hadn't been a big, thought-out decision, it just felt right after all they'd shared. And the other change was now he spent every night in her room. Blaise had been giving him odd looks ever since, but hadn't confronted Draco about it yet. Draco was sure Blaise knew about Hermione, but he didn't really care anymore.

The school's negative response to the article had died down, as far as he could tell. But he knew Hermione was still getting hate mail. She was trying to hide it from Draco though, so he didn't bring it up. He wondered where his hate mail was. He hadn't been going to the Great Hall for meals so the owls should be delivering mail to his dormitory. But he didn't see any letters on his bed when he stopped by to get clean clothes. Maybe Blaise was getting rid of them for him, or Astoria, she'd do something nice like that.

Draco was still having occasional flashbacks but they were only happening every fifteen or twenty minutes now instead of every two or three, so that was certainly an improvement. His healer thought he'd be completely cured in a few months. The only activity Draco couldn't partake in until he was cured was flying, which was a blow, but at least the Quidditch season was over. Plus he didn't have much time for flying since he had a pile of work to catch-up on from all of the classes he'd missed while he'd been ill.

He'd just finished his Potions assignment and was rolling it up when he looked back at Hermione. She was completely occupied reading an official looking parchment. They were alone, and Draco noticed that they'd been alone every day since _that night_ and he wondered if she'd told her friends to stay away. Fine by him, he wasn't about to complain.

He went to join her on the couch and sat next to her, then looked at what she was studying, "What is this?"

Hermione jumped at his voice. Had she really not felt him sit down next to her? She was so easy to sneak up on, especially when she was reading.

"You scared me," she was holding her hand dramatically to her heart and he searched her eyes. Was she scared of him? Was she remembering what she'd seen in his memories? No, she was just startled about being crept up on, good. "It's a petition to limit Peeves' access around the castle," she explained, motioning back toward the parchment, "I'm reading the arguments for and again the action right now, then Anthony and I need to make an official recommendation to McGonagall."

Draco groaned.

"What?" she put the parchment down on her lap and looked at him curiously. He was about to start an argument, then second-guessed himself. But then he remembered her rather harsh words from the previous night.

"You need to stop acting like a wounded animal around me," she'd stated. "I know it's only been a few days and it will take months, well years maybe, to fully heal, but you can't be this pathetic that whole time, that's not why I fell for you."

Her words had hurt, but she was right, no witch wanted to be with a blubbering loser (well, Hannah Abbot was dating Longbottom, so _one_ witch did). No witch like Hermione, he amended then. Hermione was looking back at him confused and he crossed his arms and said, "Don't do that thing you always do."

There was a flash of amusement in her eyes, "What thing?"

"You do a small amount of research, then pick one absolute right position, then you fight to the death for your view without considering alternatives."

She rolled her eyes and put the parchment on the table, "I don't do that."

"You do."

"Name one time I've ever-"

"House elves," he said quickly.

She crossed her arms and looked back at him angrily.

"You decided their entire existence was offensive based on your interactions with one mistreated, odd elf."

"His name was Dobby and he saved my life-"

"That's not the point here, stop trying to change the subject. You never considered all of the elves who love work and love the families they serve before you set your mind against the whole thing," he cocked an eyebrow at her and she was just glaring back at him, but didn't respond.

Instead she changed the subject, "Well I don't see the good side of this Peeves argument," she pointed to the parchment on the table.

Draco was surprised she hadn't fought him on the house elves more. He hoped she wasn't holding back because of the wounded animal thing. He considered the poltergeist, then asked, "Do you know his history?"

"Yes, I've read _Hogwarts, a Hist-_ "

"No, not that one," Draco cut in, "That's just specific to Peeves. I mean the real history of poltergeists and how they came to be the way they are."

"Oh, no."

"Well look it up, I promise you'll reconsider. You need to remember there are multiple sides to every argument."

"And I assume that's what you're here for?" she teased.

"Of course," he shrugged. Mission accomplished, that hadn't been so bad. He'd successfully challenged her and hadn't completely broken down, and she still wanted to be with him.

Then Hermione turned to face him and asked, "If I had picked the other side of the Peeves debate, would you have still argued against me?"

Draco considered, then nodded, "Yes."

"You're awful." Before Draco could control it, his face fell. He really was awful.

Hermione grabbed his arm and said, "Don't do that, don't shut down every time I say something like that, you know I'm not referring to any of the memories you showed me."

He nodded, trying to fight back to the light mood. So much for not acting pathetic.

"I'm amending my statement from 'You're awful' to 'You are so annoying.'"

He shook his head, "So are you."

He kissed her then and she fell back on the couch, pulling him with her. This was the first time he'd properly snogged her since _that night_ and he wondered why he'd stop. That had been stupid, he wouldn't make that mistake again. After a few minutes she pushed on his chest and he propped himself up on his hand and looked down at her.

"We were fighting, then you distracted me with your gloominess, now this. Were you pretending before? That your feelings were hurt?"

Draco smirked, then lied, "Of course," he started kissing her again.

"I'm retracting my amendment, you truly are awful Draco."

"I know," he whispered into her ear before placing a kiss on her neck.

"And you can't just make me feel sorry for you or kiss me every time you want to get out of a fight," she added.

"Noted," Draco mumbled, barely listening to her. She said a few more words of protest, which he didn't hear, before finally giving in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, whoa. Writing this chapter and the one before it completely wrecked me and I was kind of in a dark mood that whole week. Every part was extremely hard for me to write and I re-tooled each scene countless times. I lost a ton of followers after posting my last chapter, but oh well, I get that. Thanks to my remaining readers for sticking with it.
> 
> Second of all, I adore Harry in this chapter. I hope all of you do too.
> 
> Lastly, well, Hermione forgave him. Too unbelievable? I'm not sure on this one. I definitely flip flopped back and forth on how realistic I think this is. We can forgive a lot of things for the people we love, and I do think intent matters. But having never met an actual killer in real life who was forced to do so in an impossible circumstance, I can't really say what I'd do, that's why this is just a story...


	26. Torn

**Chapter 26 – Torn**

Hermione glared at Draco as he let himself into her common room the next Saturday and he racked his brain to identify the source of her ire. Nothing came to mind, besides the fact that he was argumentative, sarcastic, and moody but she hadn't seemed to mind those things before, so it must be something else.

"Why didn't you use a Disillusionment charm?" she asked harshly, putting down her book and standing to face him.

There it was. He shrugged, "Relax, I used the map, no one saw me."

"You can never be too careful," Draco made to move past her, annoyed, but she caught his arm. "I mean it Draco; you're not taking this seriously."

He sighed, "Has it occurred to you that maybe I don't care to hide this anymore?"

Hermione's eyes widened, "What do you mean? We both-"

"No," Draco cut her off. "This has always been your thing. You were the one to move our sessions to your room, even before we were together. But I'm getting sick of being made to feel like your shameful secret, Hermione."

She furrowed her brow and placed a comforting hand on his arm, "I don't think of you like that, that's not why – " she cut off. "It's just hard for my friends."

"They already know," Draco pointed out.

Hermione looked down at her feet, then he remembered the one friend of hers who still didn't know about them. Fucking Weasley. "Is this still about Weasley? I thought you two were done. He's dating someone else."

She was silent for a while then said quietly, "Not anymore."

She dragged her eyes back up to meet his and Draco returned her tentative gaze with a harsh glare. She gulped, then continued, "He told me at the Anniversary that he broke up with his girlfriend and wants me back."

Draco felt his stomach drop, "And then you said…?"

Hermione dipped her head and Draco provided scornfully, "Let me guess? 'No Ron, of course I can't be with you, I'm dating Draco Malfoy.'"

Hermione looked back at him angrily then said, "You know I can't tell him."

"Why?" Draco challenged, crossing his arms as he waited for her response.

"I've told you," she said through gritted teeth.

"Tell me again."

Hermione looked away and Draco let out a breath, then felt his blood begin to boil. "Because he'll never want to be with you if he finds out we're together?"

Hermione didn't deny it, and still wouldn't look him in the eye. "And you still love him," he pressed, and she remained silent.

"Tell me Hermione," he said in a cold voice, trying to get his temper under control, "Admit you still love him."

"Of course I still love him," she said eventually, and he could see she was angry now too, though he had no idea why. Draco hadn't done anything wrong here as far as he could tell. "I never stopped loving him. But he started dating that hussy and I thought, well if he's going to do something stupid I may as –" she cut off and quickly closed her mouth, but it was too late, the words were already hanging thickly in the air between them, and the end of her sentence wasn't hard for Draco to guess. _If he's going to do something stupid, I may as well too._

Draco walked past her and went to the window, breathing deeply to get his emotions under control as he watched the clouds move across the sky. He turned back and saw her studying him, the look of horror at what she'd admitted still on her face. "So that's what I am?" he bit back, "Something stupid to tide you over until Weasley is ready to pick you back up again?"

Hermione approached him, "No, that came out terribly, I just meant –"

"And then I got ill," Draco continued, piecing the series of events together in his mind. "When you were looking everywhere for me, when I was in McGonagall's office, was it to call it off so you could go running back to Weasley?"

"No, of course not," Hermione had reached Draco's spot at the window, "but –" she cut off and stepped back, leaning against the couch.

"Did you stay with me out of pity? Or because you actually wanted to be with me?"

"Draco, I – I meant what I said, I'm not ready to let you go. I mean – " she was struggling to put her thoughts into words, then continued, "I always planned to go back to Ron once he was ready for a relationship, I thought – after the school year, but now I don't know what I want."

Draco shook his head, then said darkly, "Well the expiration date on this relationship would have been nice to know."

"It's not just me who's been casual about this," she argued, "you're constantly saying you're only with me because you have no other options."

Draco rolled his eyes, "You know that's just a joke Hermione. I thought my actions were clear enough. I opened up to you, shared everything, meanwhile I'm just some dirty secret to help pass the time until you can get the guy you really want to be with."

Hermione tried a different tactic, apparently determined to show that Draco was at fault here too, "I'm not the only one hiding this. Who have you told? Blaise? Astoria? There's no way they would approve –"

"They all know. And so does my mother," he added.

Hermione was shocked, "What? How? Did you tell her?"

"Daphne did, but when she questioned me about it, I didn't deny it, and I could have easily. But had I known you were going to go straight to Weasley after graduation I could have saved myself from a few extremely uncomfortable conversations."

"But why would you…?" Hermione trailed off and she looked very confused.

"Because I fucking love you Hermione," Draco growled at her, knowing this wasn't the best way to admit this for the first time, but by then he was too hurt and angry to care. He watched her beautiful brown eyes widened in shock. Draco wanted to shake her. Did she really not know what she was to him? How had he misinterpreted this whole situation? He prided himself on his ability to read people, especially her.

Draco started pacing the room then, combing his hands roughly through his hair, "And I thought – I thought you– fuck! I was so stupid," he had never felt so embarrassed. He turned back to her and she was watching him, still looking stunned, "This was just some project of yours. Like the house-elves. Help the Death Eater, then go on to the next thing, troll rights, fair payment for the school ghosts, breaks for the thestrals…"

Hermione snapped out of her trance then and started to approach him, "Draco, of course that's not what this –"

He backed away from her and made for the door, "If this is going to end I don't see any point in stretching it out for four more weeks," he opened the door quickly and practically dove into the hall, he had to get away from her.

"No, plea-" her voice was cut off then by the slamming of the door behind him.

* * *

Hermione had her head turned over the bathtub and was scrubbing at the mud caked in her hair. Her movements were becoming frantic as she dug her fingers into her scalp, and she tried to calm her breathing.

_Breathe in and breathe out, Hermione. It's okay, you're going to be fine. Breathe in... breathe out..._

She stopped scrubbing then and stared into the bathtub at the mud splatters on the white porcelain. She'd gone to Hogsmeade earlier to restock some potions ingredients and on her way out of the Apothecary someone had shouted, "Stick with your own kind, Mudblood!" then hit her with a giant pile of mud. The person had Disapparated immediately, so she hadn't seen what they looked like. She wasn't even sure if it had been a witch or a wizard.

She took a deep breath, then began rubbing her head again, the mud was caked across her neck and she sighed, she'd have to undress and take a full bath to get it all out. She rose and looked into the mirror, she looked a mess.

Her hair was wet and dirty, and the mud was dripping down her neck and smeared across her face in places too. And her eyes were still puffy from crying after her fight with Draco that morning. _Draco_.

Whoever had thrown that mud had done this because she was with him. Well, they didn't even know for sure, their action was based off a stupid picture in the Prophet. What would they do if she and Draco actually came out as dating? Hermione couldn't believe there were still people out there who would hate her for her blood status, but she knew all of those beliefs hadn't magically disappeared following Voldemort's death.

She sighed and removed her robe. Just then Ginny entered her common room and Hermione slammed the door to the bathroom, but not quick enough. Ginny ran over and opened the door, "What happened?"

Hermione burst out crying then and took a seat on the edge of the tub. Ginny joined her and started rubbing her back comfortingly while Hermione explained the stupid attack.

Ginny pulled Hermione to standing, then conjured a cushion on the floor and told Hermione to sit down. She had Hermione lean her head back over the tub and Ginny started washing her hair. It was really relaxing, and she couldn't remember the last time someone had washed her hair. While Ginny moved her fingers through Hermione's curls she said, "You need to tell Harry."

"No," Hermione said, "You know he'll just do something rash, and I didn't see them. I only heard their voice, that's not enough to go on."

Ginny sighed, but didn't argue, "Okay, I think I got all of the mud, let me just rinse this." When she was done, she grabbed a towel and patted Hermione's hair dry, then wrapped it around her neck before pulling her back up to sitting. Then she used a wet washcloth to wipe the mud off of Hermione's face and neck.

"Clean," Ginny declared, tossing the washcloth into the sink. Then she sat on the ground next to Hermione and asked, "Well what about your boyfriend? Will you at least tell him? It's only fair, since I'm assuming he's the reason this happened."

"It's not – "

"I know, it's not his fault there are still so many bigots out there. But you should still tell him."

Tears started to fall from Hermione's eyes again, "He might not be my boyfriend anymore. We had a row last night."

Ginny shrugged, "So? You fight all the time."

"This one was different."

"What happened?"

Hermione sighed, then stood up, "Let's go in here." She guided them out of the bathroom and moved to the couch. Ginny sat next to her and looked back at her expectantly. Hermione was fiddling with the end of the towel that was still wrapped around her neck, then said in a near whisper, "Your brother said he loved me and wants me back."

Ginny nodded, "I know."

Hermione should have guessed, there wasn't much that went on around Ginny that she didn't know about. "Well, now Draco knows too."

"That's what your fight was about? He was mad about Ron?"

"He – well I – admitted that I was torn, about who I wanted to be with. And, well I said it in a pretty bad way, I was just caught off guard. But Draco told me he loved me," Hermione added with a sad smile.

"He did?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't very eloquent, there were a few swear words in there, and a lot of yelling."

"I bet," Ginny nodded knowingly. "Do you –" she hesitated, "Do you love him back?"

Hermione started to cry again, "Yes."

Ginny let out a long breath, then put her hand on Hermione's leg, "Are you sure? Are you sure this isn't about helping him or trying to reform him? You really love him?"

Hermione nodded back at her, "I do. I love both of them. I never –" she buried her face in her hands, "God, I'm one of those stupid witches with two great guys who just feels miserable and sorry for herself because she can't pick one."

Ginny scoffed, "One great guy, and one git – let's be clear on that."

Hermione laughed, then asked, "What do I do?"

Ginny shook her head, "You know I am way too biased to answer that. But, well, you need to do what feels right to _you_. Don't consider what I want, or Harry, or Ron or Malfoy. Don't even worry about the idiot pureblood who threw mud at you today. What do _you_ want, Hermione? Who do _you_ want to be with?"

Hermione considered the question. She had always been able to answer hard questions, the more difficult, the better. But in this case, she was at a complete loss.

* * *

Later that night Hermione found herself outside Draco's dormitory under Harry's invisibility cloak. Ginny tried to get her to join her for dinner with Harry and Ron, but Hermione declined, explaining that she needed to clear things up with Draco. She'd asked to borrow the cloak then and Ginny had handed it over grudgingly, clearly not wanting to assist her in patching things up with him.

After Ginny left Hermione sat in her room for hours trying to think of what she'd say to Draco. She'd meant to stop by his room during waking hours, but it wasn't until midnight when she finally worked up the courage to leave her room and go find him. Draco told her Blaise and Jones spent most weekends away, but she performed a quick _Homenum Revelio_ charm to be sure. Yep, just one person in there. She sighed, then opened the door.

Draco was lying in bed, but he wasn't asleep. He was staring up at the ceiling and jumped up to sitting when the door opened and grabbed his wand. Hermione rushed to pull off the cloak once she was inside so he could see it was her before he shot off any hexes.

Draco shook his head, then put his wand back and watched her approach his bed. When she got there, he pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. Hermione recognized this as his defensive stance.

She sat on the bed, then said quietly, "I love you too."

His eyes narrowed, "You love Weasley."

Hermione moved to face him and propped her head on his knees. "I love both of you, but right now, I'm with you. And I'd like to keep that going if it's okay with you."

Draco picked up a hand and started tracing her hairline, then his hand froze, and she saw that he was reliving a memory. When it ended, he pulled away from her and leaned against his headboard, stretching his legs in front of him. She crawled so she was next to him and leaned back to sit on her heels.

"You should be with him," Draco whispered, avoiding her eyes, "He's good. He's proven he loves you. He fought for you while I sat back and watched you get tortured, bullied you, and used you. There's no scenario where picking me makes sense," a tear fell from his eye and Hermione wiped it away, but he still avoided her gaze, looking intently out into the lake instead. "Just go to him now, it's really okay with me. I shouldn't have yelled, I was just sad about losing you before. But the truth is I don't deserve you."

Hermione turned his head, so he was facing her, "I disagree."

"I thought you were supposed to be bright."

"Come on, Draco. I – I've been putting off this decision about Ron, but – well, it really isn't much of a decision. I'm with you, and I'm happy, and I love you. There's no reason to end this right now."

"I don't want to win by default, Hermione," he pulled her hand down from his face and linked his fingers into hers.

"What do you mean?"

He played with her fingers in his hand for a few seconds, then answered, "I know you. You're loyal and persistent. It's not in your nature to give up on anything, and I'm worried that's what you'll be doing if you stayed with me. Just – pick who you want, don't just stick around because I happen to be the one you're with right now. If you did, pick me," he gave an expression like this was highly unlikely, "It should be unconditional. So if things were reversed, and you were with Weasley, you'd leave him to be with me. Does that make sense?"

She looked down at their entwined hands and said a little bitterly, "Of course. One thing I hate about debating with you is that your arguments are always logical and well thought-out."

He put a finger under her chin and lifted her head, so she was looking back up at him. "So, who do you want Hermione?"

His eyes were filled with a devastating mixture of tenderness and sorrow. "I don't know," she breathed back in response.

He looked annoyed at that and turned away again. "Are you – are you leaving to be a curse breaker?" He hadn't mentioned his application since his Occlumency issues, and she didn't know if this was still his plan.

Draco shook his head, "I didn't get into the program."

"What? How not? There is no one more qualified in our year."

"It doesn't matter," Draco shrugged, but she saw him look down at his Dark Mark and wondered if it was related to that in any way. "And it's irrelevant here," he continued, "It shouldn't factor into your decision."

He was right. Hermione had been hoping for an easy out, but she had to make a clear decision, that was best for everyone. But she had no idea who she wanted to be with. "I'm not ready to decide. Can we just enjoy this last month until graduation? Aren't you always telling me to live in the moment? I don't know if I want you or Ron after school, but," she bit her lip, then continued, "I do know I'm not ready to let you go right now."

Draco considered her for an impossibly long time. She tried to convey as much feeling as she could with her eyes while he watched her. Eventually he said, "I told you I'd stay for as long as you'll let me."

She let out a sigh of relief and kissed him. He responded ardently, burying his hands in her hair and pulling her to him possessively. Hermione pushed back, wanting to cover one more point before they both got too distracted, "Wait, I wanted to say one more thing." Draco rolled his eyes and she continued, "I'm going to tell Ron."

Surprisingly, Draco frowned, then shook his head. "Don't, not now."

"Really Draco, I'm not ashamed – "

"I appreciate the sentiment, but we have exams in a few weeks, and I know you're already stressed. You don't need Weasley's reaction, which I'm sure will be extreme, interfering with your study schedule. And I know if I'm the reason you don't earn all seven N.E.W.T.s you'll never forgive me," he added with a smirk.

"Really?" Hermione was a little relieved.

"Really, you don't have to tell him. You can wait until after exams."

"Thank you. So – uh, are we okay? For now?"

Draco looked back at her for a long while, then sighed and said with a smirk, "One condition."

He pulled her onto his lap, and she crossed her arms, "Nothing dirty."

He rubbed her hips then and asked, "What happened to living in the moment?"

Hermione was suddenly nervous, "Draco, I'm not ready-"

"Relax Hermione, I'm not talking about sex. Just stay here tonight."

"Here?"

"Yeah, you can fulfill your fantasy of sleeping in a Slytherin boy's dormitory."

She rolled her eyes, "I have never had that fantasy."

Draco shrugged, "Well that's my condition. If you want me put up with your bossiness and incessant need to be right all of the time for the next month, then you know what you have to do."

Hermione shook her head, but she was glad he wasn't sad anymore, "Fine." She moved off of him and crawled under the covers. His bed was smaller than hers so both of them couldn't comfortably lay on their backs. Draco solved this problem by rolling Hermione onto her side and pulling her against his chest.

They laid in silence for a while, then Draco whispered into her hair, "I'm not ready to let you go either," he gripped her tighter against his chest. Tears fell from Hermione's eyes and she choked back, "Then don't."

* * *

Hermione left as soon as they woke up the next morning, eager to get back to the safety of her room before she was discovered. Draco went to the Great Hall then, since he hadn't been in ages, and enjoyed a warm breakfast for a change. He was in his room sorting through his laundry and stuffing his bag with clean clothes to bring to Hermione's room when Blaise walked in.

He sat on the bed and watched Draco pack his bag with his arms crossed, then said, "You know I know where you go, right?"

Draco shrugged, "I know you're not stupid, Blaise."

"Is that why you fed me that lie about the Forbidden Forest?" he snapped back.

Draco shrugged again, "I do spend a lot of time in there."

"But that's not where you sleep."

"No," Draco sighed, then added, "I think it's obvious why I didn't want to tell you."

Blaise uncrossed his arms and picked up an old Quaffle from his nightstand and started throwing it in the air, "Because she's a muggle-born?" Draco nodded. "I never cared about that bullshit, I date muggles, you know that."

"I don't think I'd call that dating," Draco pointed out.

"Ah, you've been with a witch for a few months and now you're suddenly the expert on dating?" Blaise teased.

Draco frowned, "I was with Pansy for years."

"That does not count."

Draco agreed. "Well, with me and Granger, I guess I assumed you'd be disgusted, or at least unsupportive."

Blaise shrugged, continuing to throw the ball, "I think the most important thing right now, especially after that war, is to enjoy life. For me, that means drinking copious amounts of alcohol and shagging countless women. For you, it seems to mean studying way too much and taking up with a muggle-born you used to hate. We all have our thing I guess."

Draco watched Blaise throw the Quaffle and considered his words. Since when had Blaise become so blasé? He smirked at the word play, that was something Hermione would appreciate. But then again, Blaise had been a good friend this year, Draco was just too distracted to notice. "Hey, I meant to ask, did I get a lot of hate mail delivered here following that article?"

Blaise stopped throwing the Quaffle and nodded back at Draco, "I took care of them for you. There were a few howlers Jones and I had to suffer through, but the rest burned easily."

Draco nodded, "Thanks." Blaise was a good friend, he decided. He felt guilty for completely abandoning him for Hermione. They had had fun flying and messing around before he'd started spending all his time in the Head Girl dormitory. Draco put his bag on the floor, then stretched out on his bed, "Toss me that."

Blaise cocked an eyebrow at him, then threw the Quaffle, "Your girlfriend won't mind? Looks like that's where you were headed when I came in."

Draco shrugged and tossed the ball back, "She'll probably be relieved for the time alone to study," he said honestly. "She says I'm distracting," he added.

Blaise smirked, "Feel free to elaborate on the ways you and our Head Girl _distract_ each other, mate."

Draco responded by throwing the Quaffle back as hard as he could.

They spent the next few hours catching up on the past few weeks. Blaise talked about the new witches he hooked up with and some new pubs he'd discovered in London, then his plans to travel the world after school. Draco gave Blaise an update on his Occlumency problems (leaving out the detail of the memories he'd been reliving) and explained how he couldn't fly anymore. Then he told him about his rejected curse-breaker application.

"Why do you think they denied it?" They were playing the bubble game now and Blaise was floating two bubbles toward Draco.

Draco shrugged, "There was a massacre at Gringotts during the war, right after Potter escaped. I was there, I mean, I didn't do anything, but some of the goblins at Gringotts now heard I was there and – well, assumed." Draco hadn't told Hermione this part, not wanting to remind her of any of the memories he'd shared.

Blaise thought about this, then suggested, "Work for free. We both know this is more about the job for you than the money."

"What?" Draco floated both bubbles back toward Blaise.

"Everyone knows goblins are greedy as shit, so if you offer to work for free, they won't be able to resist."

Draco hadn't considered this, but it could work. The goblins would appreciate the hit to his pride and would have a hard time passing up a skilled wizard willing to work under a goblin for no pay. "That's actually brilliant," he admitted.

"It's been known to happen on occasion," Blaise smirked at him and Draco decided to try and spend a little more time in his room before term ended.

* * *

The next week passed with a lot of revising for exams. Hermione barely slept, pouring over study materials for the N.E.W.T.s next week. Draco helped her as much as he could, but he didn't have the stamina to keep up with her rigid study schedule. He went out with Blaise on occasion when he needed a break, but she powered on, knowing she'd regret it later if she hadn't done everything in her power to prepare.

Ginny had convinced her to take a short break on Saturday, wanting to go to Diagon Alley and get a new broom for her professional Quidditch league tryouts in a few months. Hermione agreed, but was annoyed when Ginny pulled her into a clothing store.

"Come on, just one peek Hermione, then we'll get right back to school, I promise."

Hermione was looking through a rack of scarves magically charmed to provide extra heat or cooling depending on the outside temperature, ensuring the wearer was always comfortable. Her mother would love this since she was always complaining about how hot it was in Australia, making it so she couldn't wear a lot of the cozy clothes she'd loved while living in England. _Too bad she despises magic,_ Hermione thought bitterly, putting the scarf she was holding back.

"Are you Hermione Granger?" Hermione nodded back at a dark-haired witch a few years older than her, hoping she wouldn't have to sign a chocolate frog card.

"I'm a big fan," the witch said, but Hermione thought that seemed unlikely judging by the disapproving glint in her eye. She marched up to Hermione then and tossed a black scarf around her neck. Hermione jumped back but the witch held her with the scarf and muttered, "You are quite pretty, actually. I guess you'd have to be to catch the eye of Draco Malfoy."

Hermione noticed then that the witch's nose appeared blurry and warning bells went off in her head. But before she could respond the witch threw the ends of the scarf around Hermione's neck and disapparated on the spot.

Hermione tried to take the scarf off, but it wouldn't budge. She turned to the mirror on her left to check it and it started to tighten quickly around her neck. She was having trouble breathing now and reached for her wand and thought _Finite Incantatum_ as loudly and clearly as possible. The scarf loosened and she pulled it off.

Ginny came to her side then and asked, "Oh, are you getting that?"

Hermione looked back at her friend in alarm, "It almost strangled me!"

Ginny looked suspiciously at the scarf Hermione was still holding, "What?"

Hermione threw the scarf to the ground and ignited it on fire, then explained what had just occurred to a very confused Ginny.

"We need to tell Harry this time Hermione," Ginny said seriously once Hermione finished.

Hermione nodded; she was right. Mud in her hair was one thing, but this was dangerous, she could have been hurt. "You should tell Malfoy too," Ginny added.

"No," Hermione snapped.

"Why not? He should know."

"He's got enough going on, just – let's go tell Harry. But, I really hope he keeps it short; I have to get back to revising."

Ginny shook her head, "You really need to sort out your priorities Hermione."

* * *

The first week of exams passed quickly. Draco was fairly certain he'd done well on the Defense and Arithmancy tests, but had incorrectly Transfigured his legs into a shark tail during his practical examination earlier that day, so he was sure he wouldn't get an O in that subject. But maybe an E, especially since he thought he did okay on the written portion. He only had three more exams left next week.

He, she-Weasley, and Hermione were in her room celebrating a successful week (at she-Weasley's insistence, Hermione just wanted to study more) with a drinking game using an exploding snap deck. The card Hermione had just pulled snapped in her hand, then she shook her head and took a swig of butterbeer.

This game really worked best with fire whiskey, Draco had pointed out, but Hermione had forbidden it, since she needed to get in a full day of revising tomorrow. "What's your favorite color?" she asked Draco out of nowhere and he smirked when he saw she-Weasley roll her eyes.

Hermione did this sometimes, asked him random questions about his likes and dislikes. He wondered if she was putting together some Draco Malfoy reference book. He carefully pulled the next card, then said, "Grey."

"Grey is not a color, Draco."

"It is so," he argued back. "What _color_ are my eyes Hermione?" he leaned toward her and opened his eyes wide.

Hermione glared back at him but didn't answer and Weasley chimed in, "He has a point." Just then her card snapped, and she huffed, then took a swig of butterbeer.

"I still don't think it counts," Hermione muttered.

"You might change your mind if you knew why it was my favorite color."

She looked back at him skeptically, then said, "Well enlighten us then."

"I like to think there are no absolutes in the world. No one is completely good or evil, right or wrong, black or white. All of us are living in between, in varying shades of grey."

Hermione's eyes softened and she gave him a warm smile, then kissed him on the cheek, "You're right, that's beautiful."

"It's complete bullshit, isn't it?" Weasley asked.

Draco smirked back at her, "Yes."

Hermione pushed him then and all the cards in his hand exploded. "Shit!" he dropped them quickly and both girls laughed. He downed the rest of his butterbeer, then vanished the empty bottle.

"Are we all out?" Weasley asked.

"Looks like it."

"Hermione, can you go get us more from the kitchen?"

Hermione looked back at her defiantly, "You go get them."

"Well I would just call a house elf, but we all know how you feel about that, so I think _you_ should be the one to go."

"Fine," Hermione got up and marched into the hall, then Draco looked back at Weasley questioningly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Clever way to get her to leave so we can be alone, but I told you already, I'm taken, Weasley. And red hair doesn't do it for me anyway."

She snorted, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Draco waved his wand and the wadded-up balls of parchment at her feet transformed back into full, unopened bottles of butterbeer. Weasley shook her head and muttered, "Slytherin," then settled back into the couch and fixed Draco with a calculating stare.

He leaned back on the couch and propped his legs up on the table, "Just say what you want to say, Weasley."

She sighed, then asked, "Did Hermione tell you anything about our trip to Diagon Alley last week?"

Draco shrugged, "You went to get a broom, then forced her to go to a clothing store."

"And she didn't mention why she was late getting back?"

Draco had thought it odd that it took three hours to visit two stores, "No, but I'm guessing you're about to tell me."

"Hermione was attacked."

His eyes widened and he sat up, "What?"

"Some dark-haired witch she didn't know was talking to her about you, wondering what you saw in her, then she wrapped a scarf around her and disappeared while the scarf nearly strangled Hermione."

Draco was silent for a moment, "Was it because of the article?"

"Definitely."

Why hadn't she told him?

"And it wasn't the first attack," Weasley continued.

"Wait, how many have there been? Why didn't she tell me?" he stood then and started pacing the room.

"The first one was just after you were sick," he looked at her sharply, but she didn't look alarmed or disgusted, Hermione must not have told her the full extent of his "sickness." "Someone threw mud at her in Hogsmeade."

"Original," Draco said sourly, then sat back on the couch.

"We talked to Harry and Ron but unfortunately there's not much they can do. This type of thing has actually been fairly common since the war ended. And the dark-haired witch was most definitely using a disguising –"

"Potter and your brother knew, but not me?" Draco cut in.

Weasley shrugged, "She said you had a lot going on."

Draco's eyes narrowed, "Why are you telling me then?"

"I think you should know."

"Why?"

"Hermione and you will have a really hard time out there," she pointed toward the window. "All of this is just a reaction to a picture in the paper where you two were barely touching. What happens when you're out in the open kissing and holding hands? Going to events together? This is going to be really difficult."

Draco sneered back at her, "If you expect me to back down, you're out of luck. I don't care about any of that stuff, and neither does she."

"Good. Hermione is a very strong witch, and she needs a partner who's just as strong," Weasley said in a challenging tone.

"And you don't think I'm strong enough for her?"

"I honestly don't know. But I want to make sure you know what you're getting into with this relationship. And if you're not willing to handle the fallout, you need to let her go."

Draco shook his head, then propped his legs back up on the table. Draco was willing to handle any repercussions that would come with dating Hermione. She had already joined his mother on the list of people he'd do anything for. She-Weasley was staring back at him and he didn't think she was trying to scare him away. She just wanted to make sure he was prepared for what he and Hermione would be facing after school. But that wasn't the part of her confrontation that bothered him. That night, when he laid next to Hermione in bed, the part of she-Weasley's story that kept him up was how Hermione had told Potter and Weasley and not Draco.

_She said you had a lot going on._

Hermione thought Draco was weak and unable to handle this, so she'd gone to Weasley for support instead. Was that an indication that she was leaning toward picking Weasley? The wizard she felt safe with? He was good, an Auror. And he also wasn't falling apart, on the brink of losing his mind, and causing her to be attacked in public.

Draco sighed and turned to look at Hermione. Her eyes were moving behind her eyelids, so he knew she was dreaming. Was she dreaming about him?

_Hermione is a very strong witch, and she needs a partner who's just as strong._

Was he strong enough for her? He laid on his side, watching her sleep while he considered the question. But he failed to arrive at an answer before he lost consciousness.

* * *

The night after their last exam, Hermione and Draco were laying in her bed while she talked through their practical Potions assessment from earlier that day. Draco listened patiently and played with a few of her curls.

"I added four lacewing flies, even though I know the book calls for three. But I remembered you saying the flies we have in our stores are smaller than typical, and I think the last fly really gave the potion that darker blue hue it's meant to have. Do you think they'll dock points since I didn't follow the book?"

Draco smiled at her and shook his head, "I added four too. And I think they only care about the final result, not how you got there. You got an O, Hermione, and there's nothing else you can do now anyway, so relax."

She smiled back at him and saw him furrow his brow as he twirled one of her curls around his finger, "What's wrong?"

He looked back at her seriously, "Why didn't you tell me about the attacks?"

How did he – ? _Ginny._ Hermione sighed, "I didn't want to worry you. They were nothing, really."

"You worried Potter and Weasley about it," Draco said bitterly.

"I told them because they're Aurors," she argued.

"We both know that's not the only reason."

She couldn't argue with that and just said, "I'm sorry."

"I shared everything with you Hermione, I want you to do the same with me."

Hermione nodded, then turned to her side and put a hand on his cheek, "You're right, I will from now on."

He hesitated before asking his next question, "How are you – uh – feeling about the attacks, and the hate mail? I know, um, you struggled with the school's response to the article to start."

Hermione moved her hand and started running her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and waited for her reply. "I was stupid then and I'm sorry I let everyone get to me. And I truly don't care about the attacks. I mean, I'm hurt that people still think of me as disgusting and filthy, but I can't do anything to change all of that."

He was quiet as she continued to rub his head, then eventually opened his eyes and whispered, "You shouldn't have to deal with attacks, Hermione. I'm not sure I'm worth all that trouble."

"You are," she said boldly, then she pulled her hand away and hesitated before her next remark.

"Spit it out Granger."

She smiled back at him. "I agreed to tell Ron about us after exams. Well that's now. I can tell him this weekend."

Draco shook his head, "Just wait."

"Why?"

He sighed, "If you don't pick me, then these are our last two weeks together. Let's not muck it up by angering Weasley."

A few hours later Hermione was awoken by Crookshanks pawing at the door. She'd forgotten to let him out earlier. She rose and quickly opened the door for him then crawled back into bed with Draco. He was laying on his side facing her and she watched him sleep. He looked so calm like this, she wished he could look like this more often, but in his waking hours he was usually so troubled. The memories flashing before his eyes unbidden didn't help, she knew. But he'd get there, she was sure. It could take years, but maybe one day waking Draco would look more like this, completely at ease.

His eyes fluttered open then and he shot her a sleepy smile, then said, "You're creepy. Do you watch me sleep every night?"

She shrugged, "I like how calm you look."

He grabbed her waist and pulled her close so she was just inches away from him, then kissed her on the forehead, "It's all because of you. Believe me, I was not sleeping calmly before."

She listened to his breathing slow then and when she thought he was asleep again placed a small kiss on his neck, then went to shift back to her pillow. The hand that was still on her hip tightened then and he whispered, "Choose me, Hermione."

His eyes were still closed and his breathing was even, she wondered if the words had come from his subconscious. She gave him another kiss, then pulled out of his grasp and moved back to her spot to watch him more.

She was sorry he'd found out about the attacks. She'd been hoping to shield him from that drama, at least for a few more weeks. _You shouldn't have to deal with attacks. I'm not sure I'm worth all that trouble._

"You are Draco," she whispered. She still wasn't sure who she wanted more, Draco or Ron, but she knew she wasn't going to let any stupid attacks factor into her decision.

* * *

Hermione laughed when Draco walked into her room that next Saturday. "That's what you're wearing?"

He looked down at his outfit, confused, "What? Slacks, shirt," he pointed at each article of clothing, "I'm allowed to wear these in the muggle world."

"Sure, but you look so formal," she looked down at her jeans and flowy cotton top, "Look at me."

Draco pulled at the frills on her sleeve, "I would look a little ridiculous in this," he pointed out.

"You don't have jeans?" she asked, then realized that she'd never seen him in jeans before.

Draco shrugged, "When would I have an occasion to wear jeans?"

"What do you wear when you're just hanging around your house?"

Draco motioned toward his current outfit and looked back at her like she was stupid.

"Really?"

"My family is very formal Hermione, I thought you knew that."

"Among other things," she muttered under her breath and he cocked his head at her.

"Is it not a muggle custom to be nice to people on their birthday?" he pulled her into a kiss and she put her hands into the back pockets of his too-formal pants and pulled him close, "Happy Birthday Draco," she whispered in his ear.

He leaned back so he could look into her face, "Where are we going then?"

"It's still a surprise, but we should go, we're Apparating somewhere from outside the gates."

They spent the rest of the day at a nearby muggle town. Hermione thought Draco would put up more of a fuss about having to spend his birthday surrounded by muggles, but he seemed to truly enjoy himself. He admitted that besides a few trips to some pureblood run restaurants with his mother, he hadn't been in public since his trial.

Draco looked a bit out of place to her in the muggle world. Besides the fact that he was overdressed, he seemed so obviously magical to her, especially surrounded by muggles. She smiled each time he grabbed for the wand that she knew was strapped to his forearm, like he was making sure it was still there.

She took him to a muggle action film after lunch and he nearly blasted a hex at the screen when a robot appeared out of nowhere. She'd laughed out loud then and had been shushed by the man in front of them. Draco had glared angrily back at her, then spent the rest of the film sulking with his arms crossed. He did admit by the end that the film was mildly entertaining, while also managing to be completely terrifying.

Now they were walking through a park hand in hand and Draco bent to kiss Hermione on the top of her head. They had both been more affectionate toward each other than typical today, enjoying the freedom of being able to act like a couple in public. Hermione was steering them toward a secluded spot in a copse of trees where they could Disapparate from when she stopped, catching a glint of copper on the sidewalk.

"Oh look, a penny!" she went to bend over, then stopped herself and looked back at Draco, "Pick it up."

He twisted his face in protest, "No, it's filthy."

Hermione looked around them, then pulled out her wand and shot the penny with a quick cleaning charm before burying her wand back in her bag. "Ok, it's fine now, pick it up!"

He bent over and grabbed the penny, then looked back at her expectantly, "What? Is this really valuable or something?"

Hermione shook her head and laughed, "No, it's the lowest value coin in the muggle currency actually, I doubt that would buy you anything. But it's lucky to find one on the street. 'Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck.'"

Draco looked back at her warily, "You're a nutter Hermione. Real wizards make their own luck."

"That's such a Malfoy thing to say."

Draco was holding the penny out away from him. "What am I supposed to do with it? Now that I picked it up, can I toss it?"

"No!"

"Well it's not like I can ever spend it, you just said it's worthless. And I don't frequent muggle establishments anyway."

Hermione crossed her arms and grinned back at him before saying, "Well I wasn't able to get you the birthday present I'd planned on time, so that'll have to do instead. And I expect you to keep it forever," she added teasingly.

He raised his eyebrow at her, "Forever? I didn't realize what I was committing to when I bent to pick up this scrap of metal."

"Okay, maybe not forever," she conceded, "Just as long as you're with me, how's that?"

Draco's eyes darkened, "Okay, I can commit to holding on to this for another two weeks."

She swatted his arm and gave him a peck on the cheek, "Don't talk like that."

His eyes were serious and sad when he looked back at her, "I'll keep it as long as I love you, how about that? It'll definitely be more than two weeks," he added.

Hermione gave him a sad smile, wishing she could comfort him more. But she was more torn than ever about her decision. "Sometimes you're really sweet Draco," she said instead.

"Well yeah," he pocketed the coin then, "I need to balance out the other 90% of the time when I'm an absolute prat, right?"

"Exactly," Hermione linked her arm with his and they continued down the path toward the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I was worried picking up pennies for luck on the street was an American thing that didn't extended to Britain. But according to the internet, it does, so hopefully that's the case in real life.
> 
> Oh Hermione, she's really got to figure out what she wants and is quickly running out of time.


	27. Decisions

**Chapter 27 – Decisions**

It was exactly one week before graduation and Draco was in Hermione's gorgeous tower room, looking out the window. His knees were pulled up and he was resting his head on them as he looked down on the grounds. It seemed like most of the students were outside enjoying the sunny day. He saw Blaise, Astoria, and Jones flying around the Quidditch pitch, but most of his attention was focused on Hermione who was with Potter, she-Weasley, and the Weasel lounging under a tree.

They looked happy. She-Weasley was laying her head in Potter's lap while Hermione and the Weasel sat across from them. They didn't look like they were touching, but he couldn't be sure from this distance. He hoped not.

Draco wondered how he'd fit in this scene, if Hermione did pick him. He couldn't picture it. He was sure Weasley and Potter would not be smiling like they were now. Maybe she-Weasley would try to make him feel welcome, she'd seemed to be warming up to him in the past few weeks. They both had a good appreciation for sarcasm and well-timed jokes.

Draco sighed and his mind drifted back to his healer appointment from that morning. He wished he could use Occlumency now to block it out but didn't dare risk it.

His healer had started the appointment by asking innocently, "Are you looking forward to graduation, Draco?"

He'd responded honestly, "No," Then went on to explain that it was a sort of deadline between him and Hermione. He'd told his healer he had a girlfriend in earlier appointments (never mentioning her name) but this time he explained the complication with the Weasel and how she'd planned to make her decision about who she wanted to be with once the school term was over.

"And what if she doesn't pick you?" his healer had asked.

"I don't think she will," Draco admitted, "she's too smart for that. And I'm scared of what will happen to me when she leaves me; I need her."

His healer looked alarmed then, and Draco was alarmed in turn, since his healer was usually calm, keeping a straight face through Draco's recounting of some of his worst memories from the war. "You need her? How so?"

Draco tried to explain then, the complicated feelings he had for Hermione. How he craved her when she'd been away from him for too long, how she'd helped him through his break-down by taking on the burden of his memories, then forgiven him for what she saw. And finally, how knowing she loved him was sometimes the only thing that got Draco through the day.

His healer had scribbled in his notebook then, and after a few moments had looked back and said in a serious tone, "You just described codependency, Draco. It's a condition where one person is overly reliant on the other and can be like a poison for most relationships, especially romantic ones."

His healer had paused then and stared calmly back at Draco, studying his reaction. Draco kept his face as blank as possible, but his heart was beating fast. "How does that statement make you feel, Draco?"

Draco had grown angry then and told the healer he had no idea what he was talking about, he didn't understand his relationship with his girlfriend, they just loved each other very much.

"I'm not suggesting you end your relationship Draco," his healer said in a calm voice. "I just want you to identify this as a potential weak point, so we can work on it. Consider something for me."

Draco should have left then, but something made him stay. He thought it was the concern he saw in the healer's eyes, it had seemed genuine, and Draco had had so few people show concern for him this year.

He'd crossed his arms then, "Fine."

"Would you say she needs you, in this same way?" his healer held his quill above the notebook page, and Draco stared at it while he answered.

"Of course not."

The quill began moving across the page, "How would you feel if she did?"

Draco considered the question, but he didn't answer it out loud. The healer already knew the answer, he was sure. If Hermione needed him, like Draco needed her, she wouldn't be Hermione, and he wouldn't respect her. Her resilience was one of the things he loved best about her.

 _Hermione is a very strong witch, and she needs a partner who's just as strong._ She-Weasley had said that, and she was right.

Draco had walked out then, but it was too late. The healer's comments had already done their damage, and the dark thoughts ignited in that session were spreading faster than fiend fire through his brain.

* * *

About an hour later Ginny and Hermione said goodbye to Harry and Ron before walking back to the castle together. Hermione squinted up at her tower room and wondered if Draco was watching her but she couldn't see anything from this distance.

Ginny looked back at her and rolled her eyes when she realized what Hermione was looking at. "You still have no idea?" Ginny asked as they walked on the path back to the castle.

Hermione shook her head, she knew Ginny was referring to her decision about Draco and Ron.

"Think through something with me," Ginny told her, stopping on the path and facing Hermione.

"Okay…"

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it." Hermione gave Ginny a confused look, but complied. Once Hermione's eyes were closed Ginny started talking again, "Imagine you're opening the owl that's delivering your exam results in two weeks. You scan your eyes down the page and you see six Os and one E –"

"Which subject?" Hermione cut in, keeping her eyes closed.

Ginny laughed, "Doesn't matter for this, focus. So, you're slightly disappointed by the E, but no one's perfect. And you still earned seven N.E.W.T.s! More than anyone in our year! Pride starts to swell in your chest."

"Okay…" Hermione was following along and picturing the scene in her mind.

"You have to tell someone, you need to share this. Who do you think of first?"

Hermione's eyes popped open and she looked back at Ginny.

"That's him," Ginny smirked.

"What?" Hermione looked around her, expecting to see someone.

"Whoever it was who popped into your mind first. That's who you want, and that's who you should pick."

"Really?"

Ginny nodded knowingly, "I think you're turning this decision into a huge, complicated Arithmancy problem in your brain, but it doesn't have to be that hard Hermione. The right guy for you is simply the one you want to share your life with, the one you want to tell everything to."

Hermione nodded slowly back at her, surprised by the unexpected clarity. "Well, who was it?" Ginny pressed.

Hermione shook her head, still shocked, and didn't answer.

* * *

Draco had spent the last few days researching codependency in healer texts in the library. His healer had been right, it was an awful thing to bring into a relationship. But Draco hadn't learned anything new from the books, they had simply put words to the emotions that had been plaguing him for weeks anytime he thought about a future between he and Hermione. He knew what he had to do, he just didn't think he was strong enough to pull it off. But that was the problem, wasn't it? His lack of strength? How ironic that the biggest thing he was lacking in this relationship was also the thing he'd need to end it.

At least they wouldn't be ending things on a bad note, Draco thought. The last two weeks had been the best of his life. There was no homework, no Quidditch, and no drama to distract him and Hermione from each other. They spent most of the time in her room, though they ventured out occasionally to walk around the grounds and even visited Hogsmeade (disguised of course). He pulled himself away from her at least once each day to spend time with Blaise and Astoria, but he was never gone for very long. Neither was she, they both seemed to sense that their relationship was coming to an end, though they never talked about it directly. Draco hoped she wouldn't pick him, it would be easier that way, then he wouldn't have to be strong at all.

It was the last night of the term and Draco was sitting on Hermione's bed, cross-legged, in the same spot he'd been in the night he'd shared his memories with her. She was with McGonagall and Goldstein now, working on last minute preparations for the graduation ceremony tomorrow. When she came in, she called his name, then stopped in the doorway to her bedroom when she saw him sitting on her bed. She looked back at him confused.

"Come sit."

Hermione hesitated, clearly sensing something was wrong, but sat opposite him anyway. "We need to talk," Draco started and Hermione looked back at him puzzled. "I know you've been struggling for a while with your, uh, decision."

"Draco I-"

"Just let me go first," she looked back at him, a little worried, but nodded.

Draco closed his eyes then and sighed, then looked back into her now concerned gaze, "You don't have to worry about it anymore, I'm, we- after tomorrow I'm going straight on a curse-breaking assignment. So this, will be done. You can go be with Weasley." Draco winced as he said the last part.

Tears immediately welled in Hermione's eyes, "But you said you didn't get in."

"I was able to change their minds," Draco said simply.

"How?"

"I had to agree to work for free and start immediately."

Hermione nodded, and he could see her brain working through this new problem, "Okay. Well it doesn't matter. Go on assignment, I know you need that. I'll wait for you, and we can owl."

Draco shook his head, "I'll be gone for two years."

"Two years? The regular assignments aren't two years, I looked into it."

Of course she did. No one would ever say she wasn't thorough. Well Draco had been thorough too. He was getting angry now. He hadn't wanted her to push back, though he knew she would. He jumped off the bed and started pacing, "Listen to me Hermione, I asked for an extended assignment, okay?"

She turned from sad to angry. Good, it would be easier for her to let him go if she hated him. "Why? It's clear you want to end this and make sure it sticks by disappearing for good, I can see that. But you owe me an explanation." She stood up to join him and fixed him with a harsh glare.

"This isn't going to work!"

"Is this because of those stupid attacks?"

Draco clung to this excuse. "We were naïve to think everyone would accept this. We were barely able to accept it and we're in the fucking middle of it."

"I don't care about any of that, and I know you don't either. Tell me the real reason you're doing this."

Draco glared back at her, trying to keep his anger fueled, but he was having trouble since there really was nothing for him to be angry about. But he needed it to keep his despair in check. He sat back down on the bed, then tried to explain, "I don't win, Hermione. I rarely get the snitch, I will never finish first in any class, I couldn't save my mother without your help, and in the war- well that's not worth rehashing again, is it?"

"What does winning have to do with us? This isn't about winning Draco."

"It is Hermione. You deserve the best. Not a sad, broken Death Eater who spent most of his life hating you." Hermione sat next to him on the bed and put a hand on his leg. He placed his hand on top of hers and held it tight in his own.

"I've been nothing but selfish with you," Draco could feel tears forming behind his eyes but kept them from falling, "I was awful to you and you forgave me. Then I used you and you forgave me again. Then I burdened you with those horrifying memories and I was sure, after that, there was no way you'd be able to continue on, but you just keep on forgiving me." She squeezed his hand and was watching him intently. "I've been putting myself first since I met you but- Hermione, it's time for me to put you first, finally."

Hermione turned so she was fully on the bed, facing him. She put her hand on his shoulders and said forcefully, "You don't get to decide for me Draco. If you want to put me first, then listen to me. I love you. And it's crazy and I know you have a terrible past and I know you're recovering but we're both young, we have time. I'll wait for you. I understand what you're saying, you need time to heal from it all. Take it. Go be alone, search for treasure, break curses. Then come back when you're ready and I'll be here."

Draco's heart stopped and for a moment he considered her offer. He could go and try to work on getting past the war without her. Maybe break the codependency his healer was talking about. Or skip out on curse-breaking altogether. He'd go to healer appointments every fucking day if that's what it took. And Hermione said she'd wait. Did that mean she was choosing him? She was looking back at him expectantly, with bright, hopeful eyes.

His vision blurred, and he was back in the drawing room. His aunt was torturing Hermione and he was trying to look away, staring at a portrait across the room. He could hear Weasley's yells from the dungeon and a faint banging. Draco was armed, in his own home, completely able to help, and was doing nothing. While Weasley was unarmed, locked up, and throwing himself against a fucking door trying to get to Hermione. It was clear what Draco's subconscious was trying to tell him by dragging up this memory right now.

Draco looked back and watched Hermione, something he never did in this memory. She was in so much pain and he could tell she was scared, but she remained defiant. She never gave up whatever information his aunt was trying to get from her.

_Hermione is a very strong witch, and she needs a partner who's just as strong_ _._

Bellatrix took a small break then and Hermione looked over at him and pleaded. Had she done that for real? Or was his mind altering this memory right now? "Draco," she whispered. This was fake, she would have never called him Draco then.

"Draco," he was back in the present, Hermione had her hand to his cheek and was trying to coax him back to reality. He backed away out of her grasp. How long had he been gone? What had they been saying? Right, she'd offered to wait for him. Again, selflessly putting his needs above her own.

"No Hermione," she looked hurt and confused and he rushed to comfort her, leaning back toward her and cupping her cheek in his hand, "I don't want you to wait for me."

He felt warm tears hit his hand and then Hermione started sobbing, choking out between her sobs, "I know this is probably pretty obvious, but – in case it wasn't clear – I choose you."

It was impossible, how could she ever choose him? After what he'd done? And more importantly, what he hadn't done that day in the drawing room. "Why?"

She gave him a small smile through her tears, "You're the one I want to share my N.E.W.T. scores with," it made no sense, but was a perfectly random, Hermione thing to say. He let out a little laugh. "And you're the one I want to see when I wake up, and the last one before I go to sleep." She started sobbing heavily then and he pulled her into his chest and let her cry, his heart breaking and re-mending itself as each of her sobs shattered it anew.

"But you didn't choose me back," she said after a time, "You chose you."

Draco pulled her up so she was facing him and held her face in his hands, "No no no, this is me choosing you, please, I need you to see that. I know you think I'm being selfish, but staying with you would be selfish. I'm just trying to do the right thing."

"You keep saying this is the right thing, but if that was the case it wouldn't feel like this –" she pulled at the fabric of her shirt, right over her heart, and he guessed she felt the same pain in her chest that he was feeling.

"I know – " Draco leaned his forehead against hers and the tears he'd been holding back until then started falling freely, "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

"Is there anything I can say to change your mind?"

He shook his head. Then they both cried with their foreheads pressed together. Draco moved to kiss her and was relieved when she let him. After a few minutes they pulled apart and he moved so he was laying on her bed, arms outstretched to her. Hermione went to join him and buried her head in his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"So this is our last night?" Hermione asked in a hollow voice.

"Yeah," the word caught in his chest.

She shifted to face him, "Can we just pretend then, for tonight?"

"Pretend what?"

"Like this isn't ending tomorrow," she placed a small kiss on his jaw.

They spent the rest of the night talking about the summer they'd have if Draco wasn't leaving the next day. They imagined Draco bringing her home to have tea with his mother. She'd be harsh at first, but would eventually warm up to Hermione's irresistible charm. And Hermione would corner the house-elves and talk to them about their rights.

Hermione would force Draco to go to the burrow, and he'd apologize for having been terrible to all of the Weasleys in the past. Then Harry and Ron would invite Draco to fly after lunch.

Draco would take her to a professional Quidditch match and force her to watch. Then she'd make him take her to the ballet in return. Then they'd go on vacation in Italy. He'd take her to some of his favorite Wizarding destinations and she'd show him some of her favorite Muggle ones.

While describing a town she loved in southern Italy, Hermione fell asleep in his arms. Draco didn't dare join her in sleeping. Instead he watched her, soaking up the last few hours they had together.

* * *

Ginny had woken early, ready for graduation. To her, the whole year had been an annoying series of lessons and exams she had to get through before she could start her life with Harry. She was planning to move in with him next week and Ginny knew she and her mother would have a big row about it, but she didn't care. They might not be engaged yet, but she knew Harry and her would end up sharing a life together. And she'd been looking forward to fixing up that gloomy house of his all year. Maybe she'd gently nudge Ron to find his own place too.

At the thought of Ron her heart dropped. Ginny was sure Hermione was going to pick Malfoy and she knew her brother would be devastated. But he'd move on. He had become a lot more resilient this past year and he'd have her and Harry for support. So maybe she wouldn't kick him out of Harry's house immediately. That could wait until he was over the pain of losing Hermione.

Ginny wondered why Hermione still hadn't made her decision known. She was sure she'd decided a week ago during the N.E.W.T.s score exercise but hadn't said anything more about it to Ginny and it didn't seem like she'd told Malfoy either. He'd been looking gloomier than ever all week, and Ginny thought it was because he assumed it was his last week with Hermione. It was a valid supposition since, logically, Ron was the better choice. But Hermione was clearly going with her heart on this one.

Ginny stopped outside the portrait of the two dragons, looking around for Harry who was supposed to meet her here. When she saw him approach from the far corridor her heart fluttered, it was like she was in first year all over again. She could not believe her luck at having been the one to win his heart. When he reached her, he embraced her quickly then asked, "Ready?"

"Yes," she said enthusiastically, and he laughed, "I've been ready for graduation since the first day of term."

"Well, let's get Hermione. You think he'll be in there too?"

"Most definitely."

Harry braced himself for the confrontation and Ginny rolled her eyes. He'd have to get over that if Hermione really did choose Malfoy, but she thought with time they'd all be fine. She'd gotten used to Malfoy in just a few weeks, and they'd have all summer to work it out. Harry provided the password and the door clicked as it unlocked.

When they got inside it was empty, which was surprising since they had to be at the ceremony in an hour and it wasn't like Hermione to sleep in. Ginny crept to her bedroom and saw Malfoy sitting crossed-legged in the window seat, facing Hermione, who was still fast asleep in bed. He was waving his wand over a letter to dry the ink, then looked up and saw Ginny and waved her outside.

Curious, Ginny looked back and saw Malfoy lean over and give Hermione a small kiss on the temple, then he walked back into the common room with his letter.

"We should actually wake her up," Ginny pointed out, "We only have an hour."

"Let her sleep for a few more minutes, we were up late last night."

Ginny saw Harry twitch at that, but thought it an unnecessary reaction. Malfoy obviously wasn't talking about sex or anything, he looked like death and based on his red and puffy eyes he'd recently been crying. Sexual innuendo seemed to be the farthest thing from his mind right now. He folded his letter and sealed it shut with his wand, then handed it to Ginny, "Give her this, after the ceremony."

"Why don't you?"

"I'm not going," he said quickly. He grabbed his bag and looked around the room one more time, then made for the door. Malfoy paused when his hand reached the doorknob, then turned to Harry. He was holding out a blank piece of parchment which Harry seemed to recognize. "I fixed it," Malfoy said in a flat voice, "thanks for the loan."

Then Malfoy left and Harry looked back at Ginny confused. Once Malfoy was out the door Ginny opened the letter and began to read. "Ginny!" Harry scolded, but she waved him off and he sighed, then approached her and started reading over her shoulder. Tears sprung into Ginny's eyes as she read.

When she got to the end she looked up at Harry in shock. She and Harry had been worried about Hermione's decision but had never once considered that Malfoy had been working through a decision of his own. "She's going to be devastated," Ginny whispered to Harry.

"Was she going to pick him?"

Ginny shrugged, "I'm not sure, but I think so."

Harry's eyes flashed with anger and he turned toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To find him."

"And say what?"

"I don't know, but he can't leave like this, I won't let him," Harry pulled the blank parchment Malfoy had given him out of his robes and rushed out into the hall.

* * *

When Harry entered the Slytherin dormitory Slughorn had pointed out to him he saw Malfoy bent over his trunk and packing quickly while Blaise Zabini sat back on Malfoy's bed and watched him, looking concerned. Harry cleared his throat to announce his presence and Malfoy turned to look at him, then rolled his eyes and went back to packing his trunk.

"Of course you're here," Malfoy muttered angrily under his breath. "You seem to have a knack for being present during my lowest moments. The Astronomy Tower, that time in the bathroom in sixth year, even a few scenes from the war which I'm still unsure how you managed to be present for," he trailed off.

Zabini cut in then, "How did you get in here? Does being the savior of the Wizarding World get you access through any locked door?"

Harry kept his eyes fixed on Malfoy and muttered, "Something like that." Zabini scoffed and Harry finally turned to look at him, "I need to talk to Malfoy alone."

Zabini stood then and crossed his arms, placing himself protectively in front of Malfoy, but Malfoy gave Zabini a nod and he reluctantly left the room.

Malfoy turned then and stood to face Harry, waiting for him to start talking. "So you're just going to leave."

Malfoy sneered, "You read it, nosy as ever Potter. This isn't your business, it's between me and Hermione."

"I warned you not to hurt her," Harry retorted, fingering his wand in his pocket.

Malfoy seemed to snap then, and his expression became miserable and a bit wild, "I'm doing this to avoid hurting her! Tell me I'm wrong," his grey eyes bored into Harry's then and he looked like he was begging Harry to contradict him. "Tell me I'm good enough for her, that I deserve her." His face was pained and it was obvious he'd been crying. Harry stepped away, taken aback by the outpouring of emotion he saw there, Malfoy was usually so controlled.

Harry shook his head and replied honestly, "I don't think you do. But it's not my decision, and it shouldn't be yours. That's up to Hermione."

Malfoy shook his head and Harry saw him pulling his defenses back up as his face went blank again. "She's an idealist, you know that. She focuses too much on how things could be, in a perfect scenario, and not how they are," he moved back to his trunk, but didn't start packing. He gripped the edge with both hands and Harry saw them go whiter than normal, then he turned back to Harry and said, "I told you once she saw me for who I was. I was wrong. She sees this fantasy of who I can be, and she forgives me over and over and over, hoping I'll get there one day," his voice was wavering and he stopped to steady it, then said, "I don't think I'll ever get there Potter. She deserves someone who can."

He released the edge of his trunk, then picked up a few books and tossed them inside. Harry watched him for a while, considering his confession. "I think you're doing the right thing," he said finally, "I just don't agree with your methods. You can't dump her in a letter, she deserves more."

Malfoy shook his head but didn't look back at Harry, "I didn't dump her in the letter, I told her last night. We talked about it for hours. I just, can't say goodbye."

"She'll be crushed, you should try to be stronger for-"

"I'm not stronger, Potter, I'm not you!" Malfoy turned back to face him and fixed Harry with a harsh glare, then added in a low tone, "A fact I've been reminded of constantly for the past eight years." He turned back to his trunk then.

Harry was stunned. He had never imagined Malfoy would have the ability to put anyone besides himself first. Maybe his parents, but Hermione? Did he really love her? Harry wondered then if Malfoy was truly doing this for Hermione, or if this was just an excuse to avoid having to go public with their relationship.

"I just have to ask," Malfoy didn't react but Harry could tell he was listening, "Are you doing this for her, or for yourself? Is it really about Hermione's happiness, or do you not want to deal with the fallout?"

Malfoy paused then and was completely still, then he breathed in almost a whisper, "I'm living the fallout, Potter, every fucking day. But I deserve it. She doesn't, she did everything right. And she shouldn't be saddled with a broken ex-Death Eater," he bit out sharply, then grabbed his broom and closed it into its bag roughly before placing it in his trunk.

Harry walked over to Malfoy then, and reached into his robes to pull out his hawthorn wand. He handed it over and Malfoy started when he recognized it but didn't take it.

"Take it," Harry urged, "It's yours anyway, and I don't need it."

"Why do you have that?"

"Hermione asked me to bring it. Probably meant it as a graduation present or something," Malfoy looked unbelievably sad at that and Harry thought he would start to cry, but his eyes remained dry and his face became stoic again. "I wish she had never gotten close to you, and I'm not sure you're doing the right thing here, but it's clear your care for her and I can tell you've changed. You should have this back." He shoved the wand toward Malfoy again, but he still didn't take it.

After a long while Malfoy shook his head, then stood and backed up a few paces. "Destroy it, or give it to a museum. I'm sure people would love to ogle the wand that killed the Dark Lord."

Harry cocked his head, "You don't want it?"

Malfoy responded in a dead voice, "It's done awful things, and I don't want to be the person who used it anymore," he was looking at the wand nastily, "So no, I don't want it."

Harry nodded and pocketed it, "Well, I'll leave you then."

When Harry opened the door Zabini was on the other side, leaning against the hall. Harry ignored him and said back to Malfoy, "Good luck Malfoy."

"Take care of her Potter," he responded in a heavy voice, then quickly dipped his head back to his trunk and Harry guessed that he was hiding his tears.

* * *

Hermione awoke that morning to Ginny stroking her hair with a sad look in her eyes. Hermione thought it was because Ginny suspected she had decided to pick Draco over Ron. At the thought of Draco and their conversation the night before her heart fell, but she managed to keep from falling into a puddle of tears. She had a lot to do and she'd thought up a plan, she would wait for him, even though he'd asked her not to. She couldn't control him leaving, but if she wanted to owl him and wait for him to come back, Draco couldn't keep her from doing so. She'd waited entirely too long to fight for him, but she was ready now.

Hermione dressed quickly, eager to see him in the Great Hall, but he wasn't at breakfast. Ron was there and so were Arthur and Molly and she felt a pang of guilt, telling Ron would be hard, but she wanted to focus on Draco today since this was the last time she'd see him for a while.

It wasn't until after the ceremony when Hermione realized he wasn't coming. She and Anthony had given speeches and she'd searched for Draco everywhere in the crowd, but there was no familiar shock of blonde hair. She was leaning against a tree now, trying to get some time away and gather her thoughts about him. She wished they'd decided on plans for today. Perhaps he was in her room, should she go there now?

"Hermione?" It was Ginny.

"Oh, hey."

"That really was a lovely speech."

"Thanks."

"What's wrong?"

Hermione didn't answer, she didn't want to talk about Draco with Ginny right now.

"Is it because Malfoy isn't here?" Oh well, she should have known Ginny would guess why she was upset. Hermione was entirely too easy to read. She looked back at Ginny sadly, but didn't respond.

"He was the N.E.W.T score guy, wasn't he?" Ginny asked softly and Hermione nodded and tears started to fall down her face.

"I don't know where he is today, but – he's leaving tomorrow and I want to be sure to say goodbye."

Ginny wrapped her arms around her, then said gently, "He's already left Hermione."

Hermione pushed her away and could tell that Ginny knew something, "What?"

Ginny reached into her robes and pulled out a letter, "I saw him in your room this morning when you were still asleep. He wanted me to wait to give you this until the ceremony was completely over, probably so you could enjoy the day. But – you can read it now if you want."

"He's gone?" She felt her heart crumbling in her chest and tried to ignore it, holding back the sobs that were threatening to break free as Ginny nodded back at her. She wanted to scream. Wanted to tear through the school and check, just to be sure, or go straight to the Manor and give Draco a piece of her mind and a lesson or two on how to give someone a proper goodbye. But she knew she couldn't do any of that. She started breathing deeply, and looked at the letter Ginny was still holding out for her.

She straightened her spine and turned away, "Let's go, I have too much to do now to read that. I'll look at it tonight."

Hermione had no idea how she got through the rest of the day. She was mostly fueled by anger at Draco for not saying goodbye. Harry and Ginny helped, giving her encouraging smiles and frequent hugs. And Ron sensed something was off, probably assuming she was just unbelievably sad about leaving school, and was very kind and supportive.

After dinner at the burrow that night she stole away into Ginny's room and Harry and Ginny followed. Ginny pulled the letter out of her robes, then offered to leave so Hermione could read it alone.

"No, stay please," she said to both Harry and Ginny. They both exchanged a look, then sat on the bed and watched as she opened the letter.

_Hermione,_

_I'm writing this while you're asleep, dreams moving behind your eyes and your unruly hair spread across the pillow. You're beautiful Hermione, and I should have told you so every day. I wish I knew what you were thinking right now. I wish I could slip into your head one more time and see the world, and myself, the way you do. I still have no idea what a perfect witch like you saw in a broken mess like me, but I'm glad you did, because you saved me Hermione._

_I regret my part in the war, the things I did, hurting you and your friends, being a part of something so evil. And I will probably regret the way I'm ending this, but I will never regret what he had._

_Last night with you was perfect, dreaming of the life we could have had if I was better, stronger. But I'm not, and you deserve so much more than anything I can offer. I know you don't agree with me; you think we could find a way to get past it all, but I've learned the hard way that thinking something does not make it true, and wanting something does not make it real._

_I thought I'd be able to end this properly, covertly hold your hand under our robes during the graduation ceremony, share a few last kisses in a deserted classroom, and connive my way into your boat as we float across the lake and bid the school, and each other, a final farewell. But if I had to say goodbye in person, I wouldn't be able to go. And that's why I have to say goodbye in this letter and slip out of your life like a coward._

_I don't blame you if you hate me, I wish you would. But just because this isn't our time doesn't mean I love you less. For as long as I can dream, I'll dream of you, Hermione, and our wonderful reality._

_Love, Draco_

When Hermione reached the last line, she completely fell apart. Intense sobs overtook her and she collapsed onto her knees and bent her head into her hands. She'd been holding out a small hope that he'd change his mind. After the wonderful time they'd had last night talking about their future, surely he wouldn't leave. But he had, he was gone, and he hadn't even said goodbye.

Hermione felt Harry scoop her up and place her on her cot and she fell into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. He pulled her close and rubbed her back and she could almost imagine he was Draco. They were built similarly, but it was wrong, all wrong, and no matter how much she tried to pretend, these weren't the arms she wanted to be in.

When she calmed down and pulled away, she noticed Ginny was on her other side and she patted her softly on the back. "You're going to be okay Hermione."

"I was sure I was right," Hermione muttered, her voice was hoarse from crying. "I was so sure he was the right choice."

Ginny shook her head sadly, "Sometimes the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing, Hermione."

Hermione shook her head. Ginny was wrong. She and Draco were right for each other, timing be damned. This was her fault. For being too scared to go public with their relationship, for taking too long to pick him over Ron. She'd waffled, and delayed, and hadn't fought for him. And he'd taken it all as a sign that he was undeserving, and she'd let him think that. Hermione was the reason Draco was gone, and as the truth of that thought settled in her gut she was overtaken again with sobs.

* * *

Draco went back to packing as soon as Potter left, trying to keep his emotions in check. He just had a few more things to take care of here, then he could fall apart as soon as he was back at the Manor.

"I thought he was going to hex you," Blaise said when he walked back into the room.

"Yeah," Draco responded vaguely. He'd told Blaise earlier that he'd broken it off with Hermione but hadn't provided any details. Mercifully, Blaise hadn't pressed him for any and didn't look like he was going to start now. That was one benefit of being friends with Slytherins over Gryffindors, they weren't excessively nosy.

When Draco finished packing his trunk he gave his room a final once-over. This was where he'd spent the majority of the past eight years. It was where he'd planned countless schemes, from stupid pranks like the Potter Stinks badges and Weasley's Quidditch song to dark ones like killing Dumbledore and stealing the Elder Wand. It was where he'd cursed Potter and his Mudblood and blood traitor friends and where he'd admired his Dark Mark. This was also where he'd lost his virginity to Pansy in fifth year, though the better memory, and the one he'd prefer to replace the first one with, was the innocent night he had spent with Hermione just a few weeks ago.

So much had changed in the world since he'd first strutted into this room and demanded the best bed (farthest from the door and next to the window). He had grown so much since that first night but most of that growing up hadn't happened here. It had happened in the Astronomy Tower, in his Head Boy dorm last year, and in Hermione's tower room. Draco didn't feel any warm feelings of nostalgia for this room or the person he'd been for most of his time spent here, and he was ready now to leave it all behind.

Draco turned to Blaise, who was watching him from his spot on the bed, and went to say goodbye. They exchanged a quick half-handshake half-hug common among blokes their age, then Blaise wished him luck and promised to visit him in South America at the end of the month.

"Hey mate," Draco said as he left the room, "you're a good friend. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it."

"Wow Draco, I never knew you to be so sensitive," Blaise teased.

Draco shrugged, trying not to burst into tears.

"Hey," Blaise stopped him before he got into the hall, "Stop by Astoria's on your way out. She's another one of those good friends who you failed to recognize all year."

Draco nodded, Astoria did deserve a goodbye. He made his way to her dormitory, trying to keep images of the witch who deserved a goodbye from Draco more than anyone from flooding his mind.

When Draco got to the Manor he spent the day preparing to be gone for two years. He packed as best he could manage for the unfamiliar South American weather and he transferred the power of all their Gringotts vaults to his mother. That left one more task, setting his mother up as the head of Malfoy Manor. He retrieved the Malfoy ring from his father's desk and the book with the proper incantations and went to search for her. She was in the drawing room and Draco hesitated before walking in.

The memory of the day Hermione was tortured in this room had plagued him more than any other in the last week and he wasn't keen to revisit it now. He peeked inside and saw his mother crouched over the large table at the end with parchments laid out in front of her. He approached slowly and looked at her plans for the room. It looked like she was going to do a complete demolition and rebuild. Good.

"Mother," she looked up then and her eyes narrowed when she saw what Draco was holding in his hands. "Is this really necessary Draco?"

"Oh course, I'll be gone for long stretches, and far away, you need to be able to enact – "

"Not that, I understand the need to transfer possession, I mean leaving in general. If you need to get away, we can go on a tour of the continent. Or even the world if that's what you want. You don't need to debase yourself by working for goblins."

Draco sighed, he didn't have the energy for a heated argument. Not today. "I know you don't understand, but can you please support me with this mother?"

He crossed her arms, then asked, "Please tell me this doesn't have anything to do with your girlfriend," she said the last word nastily and Draco had to bite his tongue to keep from yelling at her.

"I told you we ended it," he said through gritted teeth.

His mother sighed, "So if the job has nothing to do with her, why is it so important to you?"

"I need to get away and not be a Malfoy," he said the name almost as nastily as she had said the word "girlfriend." "I want to work hard, mother, and maybe get a little distraction from how we all spent the past few years. I'm sorry."

She approached him and put her hands on his arms, "Don't be sorry, Draco. You saved my life. If you truly want this, then go. I'll be here, ready for your return. And by that time the renovation here will be finished and you'll never know the evil that lived here," she gave him a small smile.

He sighed, then said in a soft voice, "I'm never going to be Father."

Her smile turned sad, "I know Draco. I – I'm sorry if I pushed you. You are so much more than your father. It's time for me to step back and let you be yourself."

Draco held up the ring and book then, and she sat on the nearest couch and they worked through the incantations together to transfer ownership of the estate. When the spell was done, the ring was glowing and a black mist seeped out of Draco's skin and burrowed into hers. She looked at the ring on her finger for a while, then removed it and put it in her robe. "I'm glad we don't actually have to wear the ring," she muttered and he laughed, he'd always agreed. It was very ugly and heavy. Luckily, it was only required for larger spells, like transferring ownership and letting new people into the wards.

His mother looked over at him, then leaned over and combed her fingers through his hair. Draco closed his eyes and imagined he was younger again, at the age where this was all it took for everything to feel better.

"Where do you want to go Draco?"

He opened his eyes and shook his head sadly, "I can't do the spell anymore. Because – uh - of the headaches."

She reached into her robes and pulled out her wand, "I'll do it."

Draco considered her question then, where did he want to go? There was only one place that came to mind. A bright room at the top of a castle (seventh floor, east wing, to be precise). With large turrets and a window seat overflowing with books. He was laying in bed next to a witch with long, curly hair spilling over her pillow onto his. But his mother couldn't take him there, and because of his Occlumency damage, he could never take himself back there. Tears stung in his eyes and he fought them back, then said in a wavering voice, "Our favorite chateaux from the Swiss Alps, in winter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you will be upset (me too). Don't lose hope, there are still two epilogues...


	28. Epilogue I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I promised a few readers I'd extend this Epilogue after I finished writing The Manuscript. So here it is. There are two new scenes at the end of this chapter and three new scenes at the end of the last chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 28 – Epilogue I**

* * *

_Two and a half years later_

* * *

Hermione was determined to wait for Draco, even though he'd asked her not to. Mainly because she felt guilty for the part she'd played in their breakup. Also, because she was stubborn, and she wanted to prove him wrong. She conceded that Draco may have had a point about the timing being wrong for them right after school. Maybe he did need time to get himself together, to do curse-breaking and find out what he really wanted. Just a week after he left, after reading his letter nearly a hundred times, she decided to fight for him and wait out the entire two years of his assignment for him to come back.

And she did. She focused on her job instead of dating and even went so far as to send Draco a letter each month. But every letter went unanswered, and months passed and he never visited her during any of his breaks, and finally, exactly two years and one day after he'd left, she stopped waiting.

Ron had been dating casually in that time after Hermione told him she wasn't ready to be with him. She was still too much of a coward to tell him about Draco. But that night (two years and one day after her graduation from Hogwarts) they'd been celebrating Neville's new assignment in Hogwarts as Professor Sprout's teaching assistant and they'd had too much to drink. Ron walked her home and she leaned in and gave him a sloppy kiss outside the door to her flat. She was seeking comfort since the months of silence from Draco had left her feeling hollow and alone. Ron's surprised and elated expression after she kissed him had made her laugh.

The next day he'd stopped by with flowers and asked her out, and she finally said yes. Hermione and Ron fell into a comfortable relationship so easily. It was like they truly were meant to be together and she wondered briefly if maybe she had decided wrong all those years ago. She loved his family and she loved _him._ Ron didn't challenge her intellectually like Draco had, but he challenged her in other ways. He pushed her to take a breath, relax, and enjoy the small things in life. He'd matured in their time apart, and so had she, really. And they were finally ready for each other.

That was why just six months after getting back together they were out at dinner and Hermione knew he had a ring in his pocket. She knew him so well and she was sure that this was _the night_. But before she let him do this, she had to admit the one secret she'd kept from him for all these years. She couldn't enter an engagement with him without letting him know about Draco, it didn't seem right. Hermione had hoped to tell him before _the night_ but kept losing her nerve, and it was now or never. But they got through dinner and she never admitted her secret and he never asked his question.

They walked around Diagon Alley in the snow after dinner and she figured this was his plan, to propose in the snow. He knew she loved the snow and she was right, because he stopped then and turned to her, looking extremely nervous.

"Ron, I need to tell you something," she blurted out before he could speak.

"Uh, okay," he was disappointed, but let her go.

"I've, uh, well I don't really know how to – I mean I think I know what you're about to ask, and before you do, I need to say that in my last year at Hogwarts I dated Draco Malfoy."

"What? Is this – a joke?" He smiled nervously, then his smile dropped when he saw from her expression that she was telling the truth. "Er – and this was something you had to tell me right now?"

"I can't agree to be engaged to you with this secret between us. It just feels like a lie and if we're to be married-"

"So you knew? This whole time?" Ron looked exasperated.

"Well," Hermione bit her lip, "I've known for weeks."

"Of course you have," Ron rolled his eyes.

"Um, I want to marry you Ron, I love you," Hermione rushed, grabbing his hand in hers, "I just, also wanted you to know, that."

"I –" Ron was at a complete loss for words, then asked, "well when did it end?"

"Graduation," Hermione said quickly.

"So two years ago. And have you two kept in touch or anything?"

"No."

"Do you still love him?" He looked back at her intently, studying her face for her response.

 _Yes_.

She did love Draco, but she wasn't in love with him anymore. She simply knew a part of her would always love him. But in this moment she loved Ron more, and was ready to marry him. She knew he wouldn't understand if she tried to explain this though, so she lied and said, "No."

"Okay, then – well I have a lot of follow-up questions, but can we discuss Malfoy another time please?" he pulled a ring box from inside his robes and knelt on the snowy ground. "This was supposed to be romantic, but you ruined it. But that's what I get for trying to be more clever than you. I hope you'll still agree to be my wife, and make me the happiest, luckiest wizard in the world Hermione Granger."

She squealed and flung her arms around this neck, then he stood and kissed her.

* * *

_One month later_

* * *

Draco was back in London, currently picking out a few new (much-needed) pairs of robes. A few weeks ago, he'd been searching for treasure in Asia when Blaise showed up. Draco and Blaise had kept in touch during his entire time away and Blaise had even gone so far as to visit Draco in each exotic country he was stationed. He'd turned out to be quite a good friend, and over the years Draco had confided all of his secrets to Blaise, from each memory from the war to all of the details of he and Hermione's doomed relationship.

When Blaise showed up in the Malaysian jungle he'd marched into Draco's tent and tossed a page of the Daily Prophet onto his bed. "It's time, Draco," he stated while crossing his arms, "You've stayed away long enough."

Draco picked up the paper and tears stung his eyes as he read through the announcement. He touched his finger to the picture of the couple, then nodded back at Blaise. It took him two weeks to wrap up his assignment, then he packed up his limited belongings and headed home.

Blaise had insisted they try the new clothing shop they were in now instead of Madam Malkin's and Draco didn't question it, he just wanted to get his robes and leave. He was uneasy being around so many people after spending the majority of the last few years alone. Draco was looking at a new set of grey robes and was about to pull them off the rack when he heard a familiar voice say, "Draco Malfoy."

He turned and smiled at her, she was just as beautiful as he'd remembered.

"Astoria Greengrass." Well this explained Blaise's insistence on visiting this shop at this exact time. He wondered if Astoria had been in on this "chance meeting" too.

"So you're back."

"It appears so."

"You look loads better than the last time I saw you."

Draco smirked, he was sure that was true. He wasn't being forced to live through war memories anymore and was finally able to sleep through the night. He'd also grown more self-assured by working through curse-breaking and saving himself from a few near-death experiences. He'd finally cracked the code behind Potter's understated confidence, surviving situations that should have killed him. "Well you look the same, which is a good thing," Draco added.

"Astoria! Fancy seeing you here," Blaise joined them then.

Astoria crossed her arms, "You asked me to meet you here today."

"Shhhhh," Blaise made to put a finger to her lips but she wiggled out of his grip and Draco just shook his head at the two of them.

"Well we're going to lunch," Blaise continued, "if you want to join."

She shrugged and rolled her eyes, "You are so obvious."

"Subtlety was never my thing," Blaise looked back at Draco. "What do you say? Invite the lady to lunch, she won't come unless you agree."

Astoria blushed and Draco said casually, "Sure, why not? You're already here."

Draco purchased a few sets of robes and soon after they were eating at a nearby café. Astoria told him about her administrative job at St. Mungo's and Draco shared some of his more interesting curse-breaking stories. At the end of lunch Blaise left quickly and Draco walked Astoria to the next stop on her shopping trip, Flourish and Blotts. She stopped him when they were halfway down the street and said out of nowhere, "I saw Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley are getting married."

"I saw that too," Draco said as indifferently as he could manage.

"Is that why you're back?"

"Why would you think that?"

"You've been gone for almost three years, now suddenly, you're back. Just weeks after they announced their engagement."

"Hmmm," Draco said noncommittally.

"Do you still love her?"

"Yes," Draco answered automatically and watched in amusement as Astoria's eyes widened. He continued, "Not like you're thinking though, in a way where I'm pining for her and am planning to break up her engagement. Just, a part of me will always love her, she really helped me get through some dark stuff that last year at school."

Astoria nodded thoughtfully, "Yeah, I think I saw a small part of that."

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the store. When they got to Flourish and Blotts Draco was about to tell her goodbye when she said, "So how many more times am I going to have to bat my eyes before you ask me out?"

Draco was stunned, "You want to date an ex-Death Eater who just admitted he's still in love with a muggle-born?"

Astoria smirked back at him, "Yes. As long as you want to date a defected pureblood elitist who is completely estranged from her parents."

Draco shook his head, then said, "I think I'd like that."

* * *

After Draco dropped Astoria off at the shop he turned back the way he'd come, meaning to stop by the Apothecary before heading home. He made it two blocks before he was pulled into an abandoned alley. His eyes widened in shock as he saw that his captor was none other than Hermione Granger.

She looked back at him angrily, then said, "You never returned my letters. Did you even read them?"

Draco nodded back at her, unable to speak.

"I waited for you, like I said I would."

Draco kept staring at her, drinking her in. She looked the same, but a little different. Her hair was shorter, still wild, and her eyes were sadder, but maybe that was just because she was talking to him.

"Then I got tired of waiting," she continued, "And, well, I guess you're back now. Convenient timing."

Draco looked over at the ring on her finger. He was still at a loss for words. He wanted to scoop her up and kiss her. He focused on the feeling of his feet on the ground, like he used to do when using Occlumency. Staying grounded was good, also breathing. _Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale._

"Say something," she pressed, crossing her arms.

 _Words, use words. Say some words_. So he blurted out the words that were always at the top of his mind, "I love you Hermione Granger."

Hermione was shocked. Those words seemed to be the last ones she was expecting him to say. She swallowed hard, then glared back at him. Draco realized after a few minutes that she was using his own silent tactic on him. He wondered if he'd cave first. Under normal circumstances, no, but he owed her more. But he was a coward. Now just as ever, he'd never be mistaken for a Gryffindor.

"Are you here to win me back or something?" She was getting right to the point, bold as ever. She was so much better than he was.

 _Yes!_ His mind screamed _. I was an idiot and I love you! Take me back!_

But Draco didn't speak. He'd waited for her to move on before coming back. He wanted her to stop waiting for him, and she finally had. Now what was he going to do? Get in the way of her happiness? She looked content, rested, beautiful. Who was he to interfere in her life? He was a little better than the shattered wizard from before but would still never be good enough for her. She deserved the man who had fought for her, not the one who'd run away.

"No," he said eventually. "You still deserve better than me. I just – wanted you to know that I still love you."

Hermione's eyes were sad and she dropped them, and he saw a tear fall to the ground. Draco watched its descent and when it broke on the stone he felt his insides shatter in turn. When she looked back at him her eyes were glossy, but it seemed she only had one tear to shed for him. He figured it was all he was probably worth.

"You're wrong Draco," Hermione said defiantly. "You aren't less than me, and you deserve happiness just like I do. And I know a lot of it was my fault, I know I should have told everyone we were dating. And I should have picked you sooner, but I tried to make it up to you, I tried to fight," her voice broke and Draco's insides turned.

"But I do deserve better than you. Not because of who you were, and how you were raised, or the part you played in the war. But I deserve someone who will fight for me too. Even now, you say you love me, but you won't fight." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, as if holding back tears. He wanted to reach for her more than anything but kept his hands at his side.

Hermione turned to leave then, "Good luck Draco, I'm glad you made it back safe."

Draco couldn't let her go, not like this. "Hermione – " he called out to her and took a step closer.

She turned her head, but not her whole body, so he could only see the side of her face. That was probably for the best, he didn't think he'd have the courage to say this while looking into her eyes. "Would it make a difference? If I fought?"

* * *

Hermione stood there for a long time, her body still turned away from Draco. She kept her gaze on the wall ahead of her. It felt like her heart had stopped beating, though she knew that wasn't possible.

_Would it make a difference? If I fought?_

Draco's words had caused a torrent of thoughts and emotions in her brain. She was back to those weeks almost three years ago, when she'd agonized over Draco versus Ron. She wanted Draco, even now, just as much as she wanted him then, but he couldn't seem to step up and be the man she needed him to be. She'd thought maybe he'd finally become that person when she saw him with Astoria and Blaise at the café. He'd seemed mature, at ease, and confident. She'd been so alarmed by the change in his appearance that she'd stayed glued to the spot and watched him for over an hour. He was laughing easily and looked healed and content. This was the Draco she'd waited for. This was why she'd followed him as he walked Astoria down the street and this was why she'd pulled him into this alley.

But in just the few minutes they'd been alone together she'd watched him revert back to the broken Draco from Hogwarts. Maybe he would always turn into this broken man with her. She turned toward him and asked, "What would you do if I said yes? Would you fight for me Draco, if I asked?"

He completely fell apart in front of her, and she was reminded of that day he'd come into her room half-mad, memories flashing unbidden before his eyes. This was the Draco he would always be with her, and they both deserved better. "I would do anything for you Hermione," he said weakly, and she could hear the sob in his throat. Then she saw a flash of shadows dart across his eyes.

He'd told her once he relived the memory of her being tortured in his drawing room more than any other. And by the way he was looking at her now she knew that was the memory he'd just seen. She closed the distance between them and asked, "You're still seeing flashbacks?"

Draco shook his head, then looked at the ground, "I hadn't, for over a year. It must just be, being back here." He didn't add the words they were both thinking, _with you._

Then Hermione finally saw clearly what he'd been trying to articulate years ago. But she'd misunderstood. She thought when he said the war would always be between them, he was referring to her and her inability to look past who he'd been. But he was talking about himself. He was the one who would never be able to get past it.

Maybe it was the timing of when they became friends, so soon after the final battle. Or maybe it was how they got together, clouded by his deception of looking for the Elder Wand. Or maybe it was her reluctance to go public. Or maybe it was just the fact that she was the muggle-born he'd hated first. Maybe, maybe, maybe. The reason didn't matter anymore. Either way, Draco wouldn't be able to fully heal with her around.

"I'm sorry Draco," she said in a soft voice and he gave her an intense gaze that took her breath away and she almost changed her mind then. Almost. "But you deserve better too and with us, there will always be too much standing in the way," Hermione paused and sobbed, then continued.

"When I look at you, I'm always going to see the strong, powerful, confident man you could be if you would just let your past go. And when you look at me, you'll always see the girl getting tortured in the drawing room who you didn't help. But neither of those are real, are they?"

"We always struggled with reality," Draco muttered, his voice breaking.

"I love you too Draco, but I don't think, for us, that's going to be enough." Tears were streaming down both of their faces now and he leaned his forehead down and placed it against hers. Then his hand was on her arm and she could feel it trembling.

"Maybe in a different life, we could have figured this out Draco."

He nodded, his features wrought with anguish, then eventually said, "Goodbye Hermione." She turned away from him then and walked back to the busy street. And summoning every ounce of strength in his body, Draco kept his ground, and let her go.

* * *

Astoria was surprised when she opened the door to her flat and found Draco standing in the hall. Her heart jumped and she realized then a small part of her had never actually expected him to ask her out.

But her chest tightened when she saw the apologetic look on his face. Right, Draco was here to let her down, maybe explain how he managed to mend things with Hermione. Astoria waited for him to start in on his speech and wasn't surprised at all by his first words, "I can't date you."

She nodded slowly, trying to keep the disappointment from showing on her face.

"It turns out I'm more in love with Hermione than I thought and you-" he flashed her a sad smile, "you're incredible Astoria. You deserve a wizard's full attention."

She wanted to tell him she didn't care. She'd loved him for years and would take any attention he'd give her, though she knew that would make her sound desperate. He obviously wanted a strong, confident witch like Hermione, not pathetic love-sick one like herself.

"So, are you two getting back together?" Astoria finally managed to ask, bracing herself for his answer.

"No," Draco shook his head. "She deserves better than me. And so do you Astoria."

Draco dipped his head into his hand and sighed heavily. "I'm a fucking mess. I thought I could run away, but that was just a distraction." He looked up at her and his expression was forlorn.

Astoria wanted to hug him, since he clearly needed one, but she held back and said instead, "Come inside."

Draco nodded and followed her inside, then when she'd closed the door he continued in a rush, "I did terrible things during the war. I'm terrified of what it will be like having my father back in my life once he's out of Azkaban. I have no idea what I want to do with my life next, and I go through extreme bouts of depression and self-loathing. On some days I can barely find the energy to get out of bed."

Astoria nodded, then stepped toward him and took his hand, glad when he didn't push her away. "I'm kind of a mess too Draco. I was also on the wrong side of the war and I let too many wrongs happen before my eyes without speaking up.

"I let myself be brain-washed into believing awful things about muggle-borns and even now I have to catch myself from time to time. And I-" she cut off. She was about to own up to her blood curse, the one that would probably kill her in twenty years, but she was suddenly afraid.

"What?" Draco was looking at her concerned and she dropped his gaze as tears started to stream into her eyes.

"There's more, but, well I'm not really ready to share it with you," she said to the ground.

Draco squeezed her hand comfortingly and waited patiently for her to regain her composure. When she looked back at him, he was smiling at her and although the smile was sad, it still took her breath away. She wondered then if he would ever love her as much as she loved him. Or if it was never possible, since he'd always have a piece of his heart reserved for Hermione.

"I'm sorry Astoria, I understand."

Astoria nodded and tried her best to smile back at him. "Well, I just meant to say that I understand if you're not ready to date. You should take time to get over Hermione. But, if you're trying to scare me away, you're going to have to try a little harder than that."

She looked down at their clasped hands, then gave his hand one more squeeze before dropping it. She turned toward the kitchen and wiped her eyes while her back was turned to him.

"Do you want tea? We can wallow in how miserable we both are," she added with a smirk.

"Yeah," he nodded and took a seat at the counter. "I'd like that."

* * *

Ginny watched Hermione studying herself in the mirror. The dress looked lovely on her, but Ginny couldn't tell if Hermione agreed. Her eyes were sad.

Ginny sighed when she saw Hermione try to discreetly wipe her eyes with her fingertips. She walked to stand next to Hermione in front of the mirror.

"Close your eyes."

Hermione started to shake her head, but Ginny snapped, "Just do it, for me."

Hermione shrugged, then complied. Once her eyes were closed Ginny studied her face and confirmed that Hermione's lashes were wet. So she _had_ been crying.

"Imagine you're at your wedding. And you're wearing this very dress. Luna and I are there with you, both wearing stunning silver dresses."

Hermione's eyes were still closed as she nodded along with Ginny.

"The venue is...blurry, but we're somewhere outside. Try not to focus on any details past that.

"Your father is there and he is so proud of you as he extends his arm to you, ready to walk you down the aisle. For a little bit, he and your mother are putting aside their uneasiness with the magical world, and the calming draught I slipped them a few hours ago is helping with that."

Hermione smirked and shook her head.

"Now it's time to start the ceremony. Victoire is first and she starts throwing flowers down the aisle. She is beautiful, and you're a little bitter at the thought of a little girl upstaging you at your own wedding. Then Luna and I make our way down. Now it's your turn. You clutch your flowers in one hand and your father's arm with the other, then start walking.

"The groom is waiting, but as you approach his back is turned. Something must have caught his eye at the other end of the yard. We've all been wondering how he'll react when he first sees you. As the crowd catches sight of you there is a collective gasp and the groom turns and meets yours eyes. Then you suddenly feel at peace. The nerves from the day float away, because you're walking toward your future, the man you're supposed to be with."

Ginny watched Hermione and a few tears fell down her face before she opened her eyes.

"It's not Ron." Ginny didn't say it as a question, she knew it was true.

Ginny had noticed Hermione's melancholy since Malfoy had returned to London. And Hermione had been wearing his necklace a lot more lately. Ginny kept expecting Hermione to announce that she'd changed her mind about marrying Ron, but she continued to march determinedly toward the wedding.

Hermione started to cry harder and Ginny hugged her, and Hermione laid her head on her shoulder. "It's not fair to Ron, Hermione," Ginny whispered into her hair. "You have to see that."

Hermione cried on Ginny for a few more minutes before she straightened up and started wiping her eyes. Ginny conjured a tissue and handed it to her friend, then waited patiently for her to recover. Hermione turned away from Ginny and went to take a seat on the couch, then sighed deeply.

"Honestly Ginny, if I could re-write this whole story it would be different. There wouldn't have been a war, and Draco and I would have found each other without that standing between us. He wouldn't fall apart every time he looks at me-" Hermione cut off as a new sob overtook her and Ginny rubbed her back comfortingly.

Hermione swallowed back the next wave of tears then continued, "But this isn't one of those romance novels your Mum loves. This is real life. And everything doesn't always work out perfectly."

"This coming from the perfectionist," Ginny responded.

"Ginny," Hermione fixed her with an intense, teary eyed stare. "Draco and I are not going to work out. He's not ready for it and I deserve- I deserve someone who's going to make me happy. Not someone who's going to constantly be questioning himself, and me, and our relationship. Why can't that be Ron?"

Hermione paused, waiting for Ginny to respond, but Ginny stayed quiet, unsure what to say.

"Why can't I be happy with Ron? We love each other, and even more than that, I love your family, and we'll be sisters...officially. Is he the absolute perfect choice?" Hermione looked away from Ginny and sighed. "No, honestly. But that perfect choice for me...well, it's Draco Malfoy unburdened by the war. But that man doesn't exist. Does that mean I have to be alone?"

"Hermione," Ginny tried to keep her voice gentle, but Hermione's speech had made her angry. She was torn between her compassion for Hermione and her loyalty to her brother. She understood what Hermione was saying, but she still didn't think it was fair for Hermione to marry Ron when she clearly loved someone else.

"I hear what you're saying. And no, you shouldn't have to be alone. But, well look at it from Ron's side. How would you feel if he loved someone else?"

"I would be okay with it."

"Hermione-"

"No, listen to me. It would hurt, yes, but if he chose me - and that's what I'm doing here, I'm choosing to marry Ron - then I would be fine with it."

Hermione looked back at her defiantly and Ginny nodded reluctantly.

"I know you think I'm settling for your brother, but that's not what's happening. He's the right person for me now. I love him and I will be fiercely loyal. I'll be the best wife and eventually, a great mother. If I didn't think I could make him happy, I wouldn't be marrying him."

"Are you sure Hermione? You won't hurt him?"

"I won't. I promise. And I'm excited to walk down the aisle next week and start my life with him."

It wasn't the perfect response, but Ginny figured it was good enough.


	29. Epilogue II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I promised a few readers I'd extend this Epilogue after writing The Manuscript. So here it is. There are two new scenes at the end of the last chapter and three new scenes at the end of this chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 29 – Epilogue II**

* * *

_Sixteen years later_

* * *

Hermione twirled her finger along the edge of the glass, staring at the water to avoid having to look back at Harry's intense stare. "It sounds like you're already giving up, like you're not even going to give these counseling sessions a shot," he was saying.

She looked back at him then, feeling defensive suddenly. This is exactly what she hadn't wanted to happen with all of this, for Harry to feel like he had to pick a side. She didn't want there to be any sides.

"I _am_ Harry, I'm going, and I do all of the homework," they both paused and smirked at each other, "I just – know my heart. And I know his too. I think it's over. And I want to make sure we don't wait too long to end it. We still love and respect each other now. If it drags on…" she trailed off, not wanting to think of what a hostile divorce from Ron would look like. She was so entwined with his family and the kids… no, she would not let it get to that.

"If you still love him then why can't you try-" Harry started in again and Hermione cut him off, "Harry, you're not listening to me."

He looked back at her sadly. Out of everyone they'd told, Harry had taken the news of her and Ron's marital problems the hardest. She sighed, "I do love Ron. He's an amazing father, a loyal friend, and I'm so proud of how far he's come professionally. But I feel like I've extracted every ounce of fulfillment and happiness I can from our marriage. I'm just - ready for more. And I can tell he feels the same."

“You shouldn’t have married him.” Hermione looked up at Harry, surprised, and found his piercing green eyes boring into hers. “Ginny told me what you talked about before the wedding.”

Hermione looked down at her water for a few moments, then looked up and matched Harry’s intense gaze. “You’re wrong. I made the right decision and I had a wonderful marriage and wonderful kids. I wouldn’t have wanted to raise them with anyone besides Ron. We were a great team. But now... we’re moving into a new stage, and, well...he’s not the right choice anymore.”

“So this has nothing to do with Malfoy?” 

“Of course not Harry,” Hermione retorted angrily. “I haven’t seen Draco in years. And he’s married. This is about me.”

Hermione watched Harry relax a little in his chair. Like he was finally giving in a bit, she hoped. "What do you want me to do then?"

"Just talk to him. Please?"

"Why can't you?"

"I do, but it would be good to hear it from more people. He's stubborn but if he really considered the past few years, I think he'll see that this isn't one-sided. And if we drag this on for too long…" she trailed off and looked back at the water in her glass.

After a time, Harry sighed, "I understand. I'll try."

"Thanks Harry."

"How is Rose feeling about tomorrow?" They were both relieved by the change in subject.

"Terrified, but hiding it well. And Albus?"

"Same."

Hermione stood then and finished the rest of her water, "Well, I should get back. I'll see you tomorrow at the station. Thanks Harry."

Harry stood and gave her a longer hug than normal, then walked her to the door.

* * *

"One year, two at the most."

Draco's chest constricted and he felt a hand touch his leg as he tried to refocus on the healer. He couldn't take this anymore. He stood then and rushed outside and started walking up and down the street, blinking back the tears that were forming in his eyes.

Shit, shit, shit. Why was he acting like a child? He should go back and comfort Astoria, she was the one who should be acting out, but she'd behaved calmly through this whole ordeal. He took a deep breath and settled against the wall.

Astoria had told Draco about her blood curse just a few weeks after they'd started dating. He hadn't cared, he'd actually been a little relieved. His healer thought it was because he was able to view her as damaged, like he viewed himself. His healer thought that was one of the reasons Draco had been able to accept Astoria's love, but not Hermione's. Draco admitted that there might be truth to that, but he hated to think of his wife as damaged. She was lovely, and kind, and strong, and funny, and a brilliant mother. And he was going to be completely lost without her.

"We knew it was a long shot," he jumped and turned to find Astoria leaning on the wall behind him, her eyes filled with concern. He pulled her into his chest and she melted into him. He tightened his arms around her and let a few tears fall from his eyes.

"We have to tell Scorpius," she said into his chest, "I know the timing is bad, with him starting school tomorrow, but it'll be better to give him time to come to terms with it all."

Draco took a few deep breaths, trying to clear the sobs that were forming in his chest. "You're right. We'll tell him tonight."

She pulled back and looked at him, then wiped the tears from his face, "And the war? Are you going to tell him about that too?"

Draco nodded, suddenly feeling very bad for Scorpius and the difficult conversations he'd have to endure tonight. He was so young, but they'd waited as long as they could. Astoria was right, the sooner they told him about her condition the better. And the war, well there was never a good time for a boy to hear that his father had fought on the side of the mass murderer during the war, but he definitely didn't want him to hear it first at Hogwarts.

* * *

"Look who it is," Ron said darkly, looking over at three figures standing at the other end of the platform.

Hermione looked over and her heart dropped when she recognized Draco and Astoria with a young son who looked very much like Draco had at that age. Draco caught sight of the group staring at him and gave them all a curt nod before turning away.

Hermione allowed herself to breathe again. She'd seen him around, of course, their world was small, but her reaction was always like this. He literally took her breath away. She wondered if it was the same for him. She hadn't spoken to him since that day in the alley years ago. She heard Ron whispering to Rose, "Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank God you inherited your mother's brains."

"Ron, for heaven's sake," Hermione said in a stern voice, "Don't try to turn them against each other before they've even started school!"

"You're right, sorry," Ron said, but his expression was nasty and he looked very not sorry. Then he added, "Don't get too friendly with him though, Rosie," at this he gave Hermione a dark look, "Granddad Weasley would never forgive you if you married a pureblood."

Hermione rolled her eyes, then Rose went to greet James who had just appeared with some news. She gave Ron one last accusatory look before turning to see what James wanted to say.

She wondered if Ron would bring this up in their counseling session today. Tell the story of how she'd ruined his marriage proposal by bringing up her relationship with his school rival. She shook her head. No, that wasn't fair, he had never been cruel to her. They were both just on edge about sending Rose off to school for the first time and taking it out on each other today. Even healthy couples did that.

She bent to give Rose a final hug before she climbed onto the train, then watched the train start up and make its way down the track. Hermione felt a pang in her chest as she remembered her first train ride. She'd been so nervous, sure they'd kick her out as soon as she got there, that there had been some mistake. She thought of how far she'd come since and couldn't help but smile to herself. She was way more confident than that scared, bossy girl. When the train disappeared out of sight, she turned back to look at Ron.

He gave her a small smile and she wondered if he was thinking of that same day. The day he'd met Harry Potter, it had surely changed his whole life. He leaned over and gave her a small, forced kiss on the cheek then and said he'd see her in their session later that afternoon.

He and Harry left to go back to work and she and Ginny had planned to take the younger kids for ice cream to cheer them up since they were sad about being left behind.

Ginny was staring at something behind Hermione and she turned to look and spotted Draco sitting alone on a bench at the other end of the platform. The other parents were Disapparating around them and after a few minutes the only people left were she, Ginny, the kids, and Draco. Hermione stepped toward him, instinctively, then caught herself. She couldn't go talk to him now, she had plans with Ginny and the kids. She looked back at Ginny who was watching her with a sad look. Then the two of them shared a silent conversation spoken only with facial expressions.

_Please Ginny, I haven't seen him in so long, I just want to say hi._

_You are married!_

_So is he, it's not like that. We used to be good friends._

_Fine, I'll take the kids, meet up with us soon._

_Thanks!_

Ginny huffed, then said to the kids, "Come with me, Aunt Hermione with catch up." Hugo and Lily didn't care, ice cream was the only thing on their minds right now. Ginny walked with them to the entrance to the platform then turned back to Hermione and whispered, "I know things have been strained, but you _are_ still married."

 _For now,_ Hermione thought, but all she said was, "I know, it's not like that. I'll catch up with you soon."

Hermione walked slowly over to the bench and sat down next to Draco. He didn't look up, just continued looking out at the tracks.

"Hi," she said lamely and he responded after a while with, "Hi."

She wasn't sure what to say now and was second-guessing her decision to come over here. She started fiddling with her necklace, then noticed that he was watching her and was staring at the necklace she was wearing. It was the one he'd given her almost twenty years ago.

"Oh," Hermione said, "I wore it today, because, well, in honor of Rose starting Hogwarts." She looked down at it and the tiny lion roared. "The animals still move."

He laughed to himself and said, "They better, they cost a fortune."

She smiled, then asked, "Is your son starting this year?"

Draco nodded and she pressed, "Is he scared?"

Draco went back to watching the tracks, then said, "I think so, but I'm probably more scared. I'm worried – well, we'll see how he's treated, for what I did." He sighed, and started rubbing the spot on his arm where his Dark Mark had been.

"He's been mostly shielded from the details of the war. I had to tell him more than I'd ever intended though, last night, just so he didn't hear first from some bully that his father tried to kill his headmaster and a few fellow classmates."

"Well I can guarantee he won't get that treatment from anyone in my family," Hermione said confidently.

"Well that's good, that covers off on half the school population, I think," he teased.

She rolled her eyes. Then said, "Rose was scared, but she didn't want to admit it. I used the dream spell last night, and walked her around the castle, at least how I remembered it. I always think of you when I use it, my kids love it."

He gave her a sad smile, "I don't use it anymore, too worried about setting off another mental breakdown."

They both laughed awkwardly, then she said a little boldly, "Let me take you somewhere then."

He shook his head, "You don't have to."

"I want to, if for no other reason than as a thank you for introducing me to such a lovely spell. Where do you want to go Draco?"

Draco's mind was drawn to the last time someone had asked him this. It was his mother, the day before he'd left on his curse-breaking assignment. His answer now was the same as it had been then. Except this time he spoke it out loud, "Seventh floor, east wing, behind the portrait of two dragons."

Hermione's eyes widened and she hesitated, and he thought she wouldn't do it, but soon they were there, and they were their younger, 19-year-old selves. They stood in front of the window seat facing each other. They stared more openly than they dared to at the station and drank each other in. Draco raised a hand to her cheek and brushed it with his fingertips and she leaned into his touch.

Hermione let herself stay there for ten seconds. That was all she'd allow.

 _Ten…nine…_ Hermione's heart was beating hard and fast in her chest and she wondered if Draco's was too.

 _Eight…seven…six…_ Draco's grey eyes were boring into her own and the expression there was intense, but otherwise unreadable.

 _Five…four…three…_ His lips turned up slightly and she wondered what he was thinking.

 _Two…one._ Hermione grabbed his wrist and gently pulled his hand away, "We shouldn't," he pulled his hand out of her grasp then, "not even in here," she added and he nodded back in response as she dropped the dream spell.

They were back on the platform and sat in silence for a while, not looking at each other. Then Hermione said softly, "I was so convinced we both deserved a happy ending. That had to be how our story ended. But it did, didn't it? We got our happy endings, just not – together."

"Are you happy Hermione?" Draco asked then, turning to look at her.

 _No._ She had been, for years. But something had shifted recently, and she felt lost. She lied, "Of course, are you?"

Draco nodded, but his eyes were devastated.

"You're lying," she said.

"So are you," his eyes narrowed, "but I didn't push."

Hermione dropped her eyes, suddenly feeling guilty. He had a point, she didn't have a right to question him like that, they weren't close anymore. But Draco went on to explain about Astoria's blood curse and how they'd exhausted all of their options and had just found out she had only one or two years left to live.

"I think it's my punishment for my part in the war."

"What?"

"Abbreviated time with the women I love. First you, now Astoria," he dipped his face in his hand and Hermione refrained from placing a comforting hand on his back, like she wanted to. "But it's not the worst punishment," he continued, "The limited time with her, both of you, I think it was worth it. And I have Scorpius now. So when she does leave, I won't be alone."

Hermione's heart broke and she could tell he was struggling to hold it together. Draco pulled out his pocket watch to check the time. She saw a glint of copper, then grabbed the watch out of his hand. "You still have it," she whispered, recognizing the penny she'd made him pick up on his 19th birthday stuck on the inside of the watch.

"You told me to keep it forever."

"I remember amending that," she said. Then they looked at each other awkwardly, both remembering that conversation and what he'd said.

_I'll keep it as long as I love you._

He dropped his eyes, and she put a soft hand on his arm.

"After all this time, Draco?"

"As long as I can dream, Hermione." He gave her an intense stare without a hint of shame or embarrassment, and she matched it, feeling a twinge of longing rise in her chest.

"But Astoria," she whispered and he shifted away from Hermione.

He was annoyed and offended, "I can love more than one person, and I'd never act on it Granger. I should go," Draco reached out for the watch that Hermione was still holding.

"Right," she handed it back to him and stood up, straightening her skirt.

He was standing watching her, and his previous annoyance had passed. Now he was just smiling to himself. _Mercurial Malfoy is back,_ she thought _._ She wanted to hug him, but knew that was probably inappropriate, especially given his admission and her own lingering feelings that had unexpectedly risen to the surface today. She held out her hand instead.

He looked at it questioningly, then smirked and grabbed it firmly.

"I'll see you around, Malfoy. It was good talking to you again."

"You too Granger."

"It's Granger-Weasley," she corrected.

"Maybe in this life," he said cryptically, and they both stared into each other's eyes, each aching for what could have been in another time, or another life, before they broke contact and Disapparated.

* * *

_Three years later_

* * *

Once the platform had emptied Hermione made her way to the bench Draco was sitting on. Meeting up after the Hogwarts Express left had become their tradition, since that first day she and Draco had talked after sending their kids off to Hogwarts for the first time.

The second year Hermione had looked over expectantly and seen both Draco and Astoria lingering on the same bench. She'd been about to leave when Astoria had waved her over. Hermione thought Astoria meant to scold her. For longing for a dying woman's husband and daring to spend that time last year alone with Draco. But when Hermione reached the bench Astoria was smiling and greeted Hermione with a hug. Hermione was alarmed by how thin she felt and how utterly exhausted she looked.

The three of them spent the next two hours catching up. Draco and Astoria were good together, and Hermione felt a pang in her chest at the irony that this couple, who clearly still loved each other, would be separated by a blood curse while she and Ron, who were perfectly healthy, were being separated by a lack of love.

She'd been reluctant to leave that day, and was still surprised that Astoria hadn't minded her coming over, especially since she seemed to suspect a little of Hermione's lingering feelings toward Draco. But Hermione had an appointment at the ministry that day, to finalize her divorce to Ron, though she didn't tell Draco and Astoria her reason for leaving at the time. Her divorce was heavily publicized a few weeks later and she couldn't help but wonder what Draco had thought when he read about it.

The next year, the first year Hugo went to Hogwarts, Draco was alone on the bench. Astoria had passed away just one month before. Hermione had approached warily, then taken the seat beside him when he didn't protest. Draco was completely still, and she'd asked if he wanted her to leave. He shook his head, then told her he'd appreciate the silent company, if she didn't mind. She sat with him for an hour before he finally got up to leave. She placed a comforting hand on his arm in silent farewell and he smiled sadly back at her, then left her alone.

Today Hermione didn't know what to expect as she approached him. Draco gave her a smirk when he saw her walking toward him and she was brought back to when they were young. Before she could sit, he stood, then reached his hand out to her, "Come on, let's go for lunch."

Hermione hesitated, but she wasn't sure why. She'd been coming here to talk to him, hadn't she? Why couldn't they do so while eating? But would it look odd if anyone saw them? She was single, had been for years, and his wife was dead a year ago. But this wasn't a romantic request anyway, surely not –

He cut into her thoughts. "You're overthinking this, Granger."

"Am not," she argued back.

"Oh you most surely are. Wondering if this is romantic, if anyone will see, what people will think. Am I over my departed wife? Are you over your ex-husband? What about our kids?"

"I hadn't gotten to the part with the kids yet," Hermione admitted, crossing her arms and blushing slightly. His hand was still held out to her but she just glared at it.

"Hermione," his voice was gentle and she shifted her gaze to his grey eyes. They were soft, but intense. "Let me put your mind at ease. This _is_ a date. Now can you give me your hand so I can Apparate us there?"

Hermione stepped back, surprised and confused, and a little scared too. "You just assume I'm going to go on a date with you? After everything?"

Draco smirked again and took his hand back so he could cross his arms, matching Hermione's pose, "Of course you are."

"And how do you know that?"

Draco dropped his arms and stepped close to her, "Because you love me."

Hermione lifted her head to look at him, shaking her head, "You're so convinced I still love you? Why?"

"I didn't say 'still,' I think 'finally' is probably the better word."

Hermione was confused, then he explained, "Hermione, I left because you saw me as this impossible person who I didn't think I could be. Confident, healed, unburdened. And you saw him every time you forgave me, but you never really loved the broken wizard I actually was. Astoria did," he added sadly and his eyes darkened briefly.

 _I did too! You just couldn't accept it from me, because of your guilt._ Hermione didn't argue though, it was too late for that anyway. Instead she asked, "What are you saying?"

Draco smiled at her then and the image took her breath away, "I got there. It took me, what? 21 years? It took losing you, falling out with my parents, loving and losing Astoria, raising a child, and countless healer appointments. But I'm him, finally, the man you fell in love with." He was smiling widely now, "And I'd like to take you, Hermione Granger, the woman I fell in love with and have never stopped loving, on a date."

He stepped back and held his hand out for her again. Hermione's heart was beating hard and she watched him closely. Then, slowly, she put her hand in his. His fingers closed instinctively around hers, and she noticed their hands fit perfectly, as if the 20 years apart had never happened. She saw a glint of triumph and anticipation cross his eyes before he apparated them away.

* * *

Draco and Hermione's date lasted six hours. They spent the first two hours moving food around on their plates at a nearby muggle restaurant. They were so busy talking that they never got around to eating. Then they'd moved on to tea at a cafe once the waitress at the restaurant finally kicked them out to make room for more customers. After tea they started wandering around the city, neither of them ready to part ways. They had a lot to catch up on, but Draco reasoned there was plenty of time for that. They had nothing but time now, especially since all of their children were at Hogwarts.

Draco had thought this first lunch between them would feel strange, and that it would take time for him to open up to her again, especially so soon after Astoria's death. But that hadn't been the case at all, and he was sure Astoria would approve. He knew it wasn't for nothing that she'd invited Hermione to talk to them on the platform two years ago. And in her last weeks, she'd urged Draco not to wait too long after her death to move on, worried he'd "miss his chance to be with someone great for him if he didn't act quickly enough." That statement hadn't been hard to decode.

Draco knew there was room in his heart for both women. He'd loved Hermione all these years but had never let that unrequited love take away from the affection he felt for his wife. He guessed in a way the heart expands to accommodate more people, just as it had when Scorpius was born. Draco never suspected in his youth that he'd become an expert on matters of the heart, but here he was.

He was walking her back to her flat now and Hermione was talking about her parents and explaining the efforts she'd taken to heal that fractured relationship. She'd done most of the talking today, as always, but he didn't mind. He loved listening to her. And she seemed like she'd been missing having someone listen to her for years.

They climbed the stairs to her flat and finally arrived at a dark green door. "This is me," she said awkwardly.

Draco froze in place. Should he kiss her? He wanted to, but he didn't know if that would be too fast. Why did he suddenly feel like a nervous teenager again? Hermione was looking back at him expectantly, then a hint of amusement glittered in her eye and it gave him the courage to lean in and place a chaste kiss on her lips. When he pulled away, she grabbed his collar and kept him in place, then kissed him more thoroughly. Hermione Granger had always been thorough, one of the many things he loved about her.

She gave him a small smile, then unlocked her door and stepped inside. "See you around," she said softly, before turning and closing the door behind her. Draco turned to leave, smiling to himself and wondering how long he'd wait to owl her (maybe 2 minutes after he got home) when he heard the door click open behind him, "Draco."

He turned back and waited for her to continue, "Do you think inviting a man into my flat after just one date would make me a slag?"

Draco smirked, then made his way back down the hall, stopping to lean against the wall when he was several feet from her, "Absolutely. But I feel inclined to point out that this isn't our first date, it's technically our third."

Hermione nodded seriously, moving her fingers along the edge of the door, "That's certainly a more respectable amount of time to wait before inviting someone in."

"But I need to warn you," Draco slunk closer to her, "If you invite me in, I'll probably never leave."

Hermione looked back at him with an unreadable expression, then a seductive smile came across her face, "Well in that case…" she pushed the door open then.

Draco didn't waste any time. He rushed toward her and picked her up, then walked them both through the doorway, kissing her ardently. "I love you," she muttered between kisses, tightening her arms around his neck.

"I told you so," he responded.

She pushed back and he kept a firm grip on her, "You're obnoxious, why can't you just say you love me too?"

"Why do you always have to be so critical?" he countered.

"Prat."

"Are you done? I'm not a teenager anymore, so I'm not going to be able to stand here holding you for much longer."

She smiled then and tightened her legs around his waist, then resumed kissing him as he walked the rest of the way into her flat, slamming the door hard behind them.

* * *

_Two years later_

* * *

Hermione's eyes were closed as Ginny talked her through her wedding day again. Hermione smirked when Ginny first suggested it. She knew Ginny used this a lot to calm her kids when they were younger, but she hadn't tried to use it on Hermione since that day over twenty years ago in the bridal shop.

"Rose is standing in a beautiful gold dress, ready to walk down the aisle," Ginny was saying.

"Is she scowling at me?" Hermione cut in.

"Uh, uh. This is a happy vision. So she walks down the aisle, smiling widely. Then it's your turn. You take a deep breath and grip your flowers, then began the slow descent down the aisle.

"You catch the groom's eye as you turn the corner and he smiles widely, then begins bawling like a baby. The crowd gasps. He has a heart? Who knew?"

"Ginny…" Hermione opened her eyes and started laughing, pushing her friend playfully.

"Close your eyes!"

"Fine."

"So you walk toward him, and he smiles back. He's finally managed to get the crying under control. Then you stop, right in front of him." Ginny paused and Hermione pictured Draco in what she knew would be a dashing set of dress robes, smiling back at her.

"Well, how do you feel? Standing there with him?"

Hermione was silent for a while with her eyes closed, thinking back on the incredibly long journey she'd taken to get to this day.

She thought making her way back to Draco had taken long, but while dating they'd had a lot more struggles. The backlash from the public when they learned the Minister for Magic was dating a former Death Eater. The mixed response from their children and friends. His disapproving parents. But they'd finally made it.

Hermione wiped an errant tear from her eye, careful not to smudge her makeup, then she opened her eyes and looked at Ginny. "I'll feel...it's hard to describe. A sense of release, incredible happiness, maybe some disbelief that it actually happened. I mean, a part of me still thinks it might not happen."

"Mum," They looked up and saw Rose in the doorway and this one, unlike the one in Hermione's vision, _was_ scowling. "I was sent to tell you we're starting in fifteen minutes."

"Okay thanks hon-" but before Hermione finished Rose was gone. She sighed and looked back at Ginny. "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

"For marrying the father of the guy she likes? Or for remarrying first and crushing her hopes that her parents would get back together?"

"Both."

Ginny shrugged. "It's common for kids with divorced parents to hold on to a fantasy that their parents will figure it out. She'll be fine." She smirked, and added, "And the Scorpius thing. Well...you did see your Malfoy first. And no one can deny how happy you two are. Not even Ron."

"What about Ron?"

Hermione turned to find Ron and Harry in the doorway.

"Merlin Hermione, you look incredible." Ron approached Hermione and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, then she threw her arms around him and gave him a tight hug.

"Thank you for being so wonderful through all of this Ron. I don't think I would have made it to this day without your support."

Ron patted her on the back and when she pulled away he said, "She'll be fine Hermione, really. She's just being a moody teenager." Hermione smiled, not surprised that he'd so easily guessed what was making her upset.

"You too Harry," he gave her a quick hug. "And thank you both for trying to make an effort with Draco."

"Yeah," Ron said. "But I will say drinks with my ex-wife's soon to be new husband who I used to hate were pretty awkward."

Hermione smiled back at him. "Maybe just think of him as your best friend's new husband who you have recently forgiven."

* * *

"I never thought I'd see this day," Blaise said as Draco inspected his appearance in the mirror again.

"Yeah, me neither." He turned back toward Blaise and Scorpius, "How do I look?"

"No one is going to be looking at you," Blaise pointed out.

"Well, most people won't be," Draco admitted, "but hopefully she will, and that's all that matters."

"When did you turn into such a disgusting romantic?" Blaise quipped.

Draco shrugged. "Astoria did that."

The three men looked sad, then Scorpius said, "I miss her."

Draco squeezed his shoulder, "I know Scor, me too."

"She'd be happy for you Dad, you know?"

Draco smiled back at him. Scorpius had been unbelievably supportive during his and Hermione's relationship. He'd been hesitant at first, but as soon as he saw that Hermione had no intention to replace Astoria and was more than willing to discuss her openly, Scorpius was fine.

Hermione had even shared every memory she had of Astoria from school, which were mostly from eighth year and just confirmed how great of a friend she'd been to Draco when he was struggling to recover from the war.

"I know everyone says you look like your father," Blaise said, "but everything else about you is Astoria."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, your father is not nice."

"Oh, yeah. I know."

They were interrupted by Rose who announced, "Mr. Malfoy, you're all supposed to start lining up in five minutes."

"Okay, thanks Rose, but I keep telling you to call me Dra-"

She disappeared before he could finish and he rolled his eyes.

"She is so angry you two are getting married," Scorpius said unnecessarily.

Blaise smirked at him. "You know why, right?"

"Yeah. She doesn't want to spend more time with me than she already has to. I mean, we're already forced together by Albus, and now we'll be family."

Draco cocked an eyebrow at Blaise who grinned back before saying, "I think you might be missing something there Scor."

"What?"

Draco shook his head, thinking it would be better for his son to figure this one out on his own. "Come on, let's go out there. If I'm late she'll probably call the whole thing off."

* * *

As Hermione made her way toward Draco, the world around her disappeared. She was only focused on him. She smiled as she watched him wipe a few tears from his eyes and remembered Ginny's joke from earlier.

When she finally reached the spot in front of him, she took a deep breath and savored the feeling. She'd been right before. She felt a release, extreme happiness, and like she was home. She'd finally made her way to where she was supposed to be.

Draco took her hands and they faced the officiant. But Hermione was barely listening, focusing all her energy on Draco. When it was time for their vows Draco took a deep breath before he started talking.

"I loved you from the moment I entered your mind when pretending to teach you Occlumency. Though it took me a while to figure it out. I experienced the love you felt for your friends and your family and I wanted desperately to have someone love me like that. But not just anyone, I realized later that year, you." Draco raised her hands to his lips and kissed them before continuing.

"But I was so broken, and I know you still would have had me, but I wasn't ready for you. I'm so happy we were able to find our way back to each other, even after I bungled it. I love you, and I'm yours, as much now as that day I said the same in your room, though maybe less pieces."

Now it was Hermione's turn. She took a breath, like he had, then started talking, ignoring the vows she'd written down.

"I started falling for you when you showed up at my room with a bottle of fire whiskey. You told me I was fun and that you no longer found me repulsive and it was so romantic." They both laughed.

"And I'm not going to lie, loving you that year was a lot of work, mainly because you were so determined to push me away. And eventually you got your way. But I don't regret the time we spent apart. We both had wonderful partners and created beautiful families. But I'd been so sure I belonged with you. And I was right, I just needed to wait for the right time."

The officiant completed the ceremony. Then Draco kissed her a little desperately, and Hermione wondered if he, like her, had expected something to go wrong today to prevent this from happening. When he released her he was beaming at her and she returned his smile. Then they turned to face their friends and family, ready to finally start their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the first story of any length I've ever written. It was terrifying posting each and every chapter (most of all the one with Draco's memories, then secondly this one) but all of your support made it worth it and helped me power through. Thank you for reading!
> 
> When I set out to write this, I wanted to write the characters as realistically as possible and I wanted it set during their eighth year. I intended for them to end up together following school, but about 2/3 the way through I realized they couldn't (not the way I'd written them at least). Then I tweaked the story a bit to get it to fit with the Epilogue from the original HP series, and I kind of like the idea of a Dramione romantic interlude that fits in with canon. But of course, I still needed to add an HEA, so they got it, just a bit delayed.
> 
> I was kind of disappointed they had to spend 20 years apart in this story, so I wrote another story (The Manuscript) where they meet a little later after the war, after Draco has had a chance to work through some of his issues on his own. That one has a more traditional happy ending, though you do have to wade through a lot of angst to get to it...
> 
> Thanks again for sticking with it, please leave a comment and let me know what you think.


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